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In a different life—perhaps a kinder life—Zack Fair could have loved Aerith wholly and unconditionally. She was everything he thought he wanted in a person: beautiful, kind, caring, adventurous. They had fun together. She made him laugh, really laugh. Zack had believed that she was it for him: the perfect girl. And, perhaps, she was.
But Cloud was the perfect boy.
From that very first smile, Cloud Strife changed everything for Zack, even if he didn’t immediately realise it. Instead, it came to him in sporadic rain splatters, marking his heart one gentle drop at a time until, before he knew it, there wasn’t a dry spot left.
Cloud’s smile was sunshine peeking out through clouds—hesitant and radiant. His Chocobo-fluff hair was so soft Zack was amazed he resisted carding his fingers permanently through it. Cloud’s slender build and the way he held himself were damn right elegant, drawing attention to his subtle muscles that made Zack weak at the knees.
Aerith had been real pretty—no, beautiful, depending on the angle—but Cloud? Cloud was ethereal. A god. He had the kind of face that deserved to be carved out on marble. Marble wouldn’t do him justice, though, because Cloud was bright, he was colour, and his eyes… Cloud’s eyes were the perfect cerulean blue, and Zack wanted to swim in them.
By the time Zack realised he had it bad, there was no saving him. He didn’t want to be saved. For Cloud’s attention, Zack would face a battlefield, bullets flying his way with only the buster sword and his will to survive to protect him.
For Cloud, well, maybe Zack was being dramatic, as he was prone to be, but Zack would die for Cloud. He would face that shower of bullets and die with a smile on his face.
Just not today.
Today, Zack was releasing restless energy with a few squats when an email pinged through.
The subject read If you’d like…
Zack’s heart was racing even before he opened Cloud’s message—emails from Cloud always drew soft smiles from him; the boy was too adorable. This particular email had him beaming, his smile the one reserved for when Cloud made him feel especially doting.
Hey, do you want to come over to my house? I want you to try Mom’s cooking. The thing is, I haven’t been home yet since I’ve been here. I hadn’t been able to make up my mind about it, but I decided that I should show my face… but going home alone is a bit uncomfortable, so I was hoping you could join me.
Cloud was uncomfortable, and it was Zack he wanted by his side to ease that discomfort. Not only that, but Cloud wanted Zack to meet his mom. He wanted them to have dinner together. That was… well, hell, that made Zack wonder whether his feelings weren’t as one-sided as he’d first assumed. The thought would be easy to get carried away in, so Zack did another handful of squats before he replied, trying to temper his hope.
Wouldn’t miss it for the world!
Cloud was already outside the inn when Zack arrived, pacing. Zack should have called out, smiled, waved and hurried over, but instead, he stood frozen, his eyes tracking the younger boy. Cloud had changed from his infantryman uniform into something far more casual, and how it clung to his body… Fuck, Zack hadn’t thought it was possible for him to find Cloud any more attractive. However, he hadn’t counted on pastel blue shirts and pants that hugged thighs. By any stretch of the imagination, it was just a normal outfit, one Zack wouldn’t think twice about seeing anyone else in, but Cloud wasn’t anyone else. Cloud haunted his dreams and plagued his waking thoughts, and the boy had just given Zack’s overactive imagination even more material to work with.
And yes, his ass did look spectacular, but Zack was trying not to focus on that.
Eventually, Zack took pity on Cloud, approaching him with a grin and a hand outstretched to ruffle those tantalising blond locks. Although Cloud squirmed, he also sent Zack a smile that threatened to stop his heart. His hand paused in its attack, resting on Cloud’s crown.
“I was worried you weren’t coming,” Cloud admitted, peering up at Zack beneath thick lashes, which, unfair!
“Told ya I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” Zack said, trying to sound cocksure so his blush would be less apparent. “Does your mom know we’re coming?”
Cloud ducked his head, and Zack’s hand, still resting atop it, followed. A no, then. “She won’t mind,” he murmured.
“Of course she won’t!” Zack took the opportunity to ruffle Cloud’s hair again before reluctantly withdrawing. “I bet she’ll be thrilled to see you.” I know I would be was just about left unsaid.
“Come on.” Still adorably shy, Cloud kept his head down as he pushed past Zack and headed to a nearby house. Zack couldn’t help but bark a laugh before sauntering after him, hands in his pockets and eyes trained on Cloud in case he did anything else especially adorable.
Zack would have likely pushed inside at his own home, expected or not. He wondered whether it was a difference in personality or upbringing when Cloud knocked on his mom’s door, offering Zack a brief, nervous smile while they waited. Zack wondered why it felt like they were preparing for an interview, not a visit with parents. Surely Cloud’s mom couldn’t be that bad?
It didn’t take long for Zack to get his answer. When the door opened, it was obvious that the woman who answered was nothing but a kind, loving mother, ecstatic to see her only child. Cloud’s shyness came from elsewhere, then. Bringing him home? The thought made Zack giddy.
“Cloud!” Cloud was the spitting image of his mom. Zack wasn’t good at guessing ages, but she seemed young, her kind face younger still as it lit up upon seeing her son.
Zack almost laughed as Cloud rubbed his neck and shuffled awkwardly. It really had been a long time since he’d been home, huh? No wonder he’d been nervous. It was adorable. “Uh, yeah, it’s me. Hi, mom.”
“Welcome home. Come in, come in, both of you. Let me take a look at you. And who’s your friend?” Watching Cloud’s mom fuss over him left Zack wishing he could take a trip to Gongaga—he, too, hadn’t been home in a while. Things weren’t always perfect with his parents, but seeing Cloud’s mom fuss over her son helped him realise just how much he missed home. Perhaps he’d write them later. Perhaps he’d tell them about Cloud…
“Mom, this is Zack.”
“So lovely to meet you, Zack. I’m Claudia.” Determined to make a good first impression, Zack accepted Claudia’s hand, offering her a bright smile as he shook it.
“Nice to meet you, ma’am. Thank you for having me!”
“Are you a SOLDIER, too? Cloud was so excited to rush off out of here and join!”
“Actually—” Zack glanced nervously at Cloud, unsure how to respond.
“I…” Cloud seemed to deflate, staring down at the floor awkwardly. “I didn’t make it into SOLDIER.”
Zack couldn’t stand seeing that disappointment on Cloud’s face. “Hey, now,” he said, nudging him. “That’s a minor setback. You’ll get in no time. You’ve got real talent, and even better, you’ve got me!” The hopeful look on Cloud’s face sparked resolve in Zack; he’d help Cloud join SOLDIER if it were the last thing he’d do.
Claudia smiled, unbothered (or, perhaps, relieved) by her son’s confession. “I’m glad Cloud has someone looking out for him.”
“Of course! I’ll always be there for him.” Zack hoped he would be able to keep that promise. While Cloud seemed to enjoy his company, there was a small, niggling part of Zack that feared a day that might change. Zack thought he was pretty likeable, but he also had a big personality that he couldn’t always reign in, and he worried he was too much for Cloud sometimes. Cloud was shy—an introvert—and he didn’t smile freely, which made it all the more special when he did smile for Zack. And Zack paid attention, so he knew that those rare, remarkable smiles were almost solely shared with him and him alone. Not to be dramatic, but Zack thought losing those smiles would be like losing the sun and being condemned to spend the rest of his life cloaked in a gloom that leeched the life from him until all that was left was a grey, lifeless husk.
Insecurity wasn’t something Zack was used to. Aerith certainly had never elicited these types of fears from him. There was something special about these new emotions being tied to Cloud, though. If anybody was going to spark uncertainty in his heart, Zack was glad it was his Chocoboy soldier, guardian of his heart.
As the small house filled with the cosy scent of home cooking, Claudia Strife proved to be far more talkative than her son. While Cloud answered her questions in as few words as possible, Zack’s friendly and curious nature encouraged the evening to pass pleasantly. Like all good parents, Claudia enjoyed embarrassing her son, and some of the stories she shared were just as delicious as her stew.
His belly laughter finally subsiding, Zack brushed a stay tear from his eyes and stared adoringly at Cloud, whose head was ducked, his cheeks flushed with not-quite-serious fury.
“I am so telling Sephiroth about this,” Zack said, inwardly gloating when his tease successfully drew Cloud’s eyes to him.
“Don’t you dare!”
“But you worshipped him,” Zack teased, the lilt of his voice playful even faced with such a furious glare.
“—I did not worship him!”
“What about me? Would you have had my poster on your wall?” Perhaps he took his teasing a little too far. Cloud opened and closed his mouth, his cheeks flushing further as he failed to form a protest.
Or, perhaps he couldn’t protest because he would have, had Zack become famous before Cloud had left home.
Zack’s answering laughter was a little awkward as he rubbed his neck and gave Claudia an imploring look to step in and save the situation.
Eyes twinkling knowingly, she did just that.
“I’m so proud of the man you’ve become,” she said to Cloud, shifting his scowl into embarrassment as he ducked his head. “I bet you have women hounding you day and night.” Despite the way she teased the question, an uneasy sensation burrowed deep inside Zack. He turned to watch Cloud, waiting for his relucent answer. He’d never considered that if he was enamoured with Cloud, others surely must have been, too.
“Not really,” Cloud said to the table. Once more, Zack found himself staring, a cocktail of confusion, surprise and relief brewing within him. Now that the thought had occurred, it baffled Zack that someone as stunning as Cloud could fly under the radar. Perhaps he had the infantryman uniform and helmet to thank for that? It was selfish, sure, but Zack didn’t want to fight for Cloud’s affection. If it could be earned at all, the thought of competition left him uneasy. When someone like Cloud could have anyone, would he really settle for Zack?
It wasn’t that Zack was selling himself short; oh, he knew he was handsome, capable and charming. However, he had also been compared to an over-eager puppy dog; perhaps Cloud wouldn’t want that.
Perhaps Cloud wouldn’t want him.
Fuck, there he was, doubting himself again. If anything, that would be his downfall in winning Cloud’s affections.
“Oh? Well, how about you, Zack?” Claudia asked, eyes still twinkling something devilish as she shifted her attention.
Zack offered a sheepish grin. He hesitated only momentarily, gaze lingering on Cloud, contemplating before answering. “Well, I guess. I had a girlfriend until recently.”
Zack held his breath. It didn’t take long.
“Had?” Cloud’s gaze raised from the tablecloth he had been tracing patterns across, meeting Zack’s eyes with his glistening cerulean pair that were as intense as they were curious. Zack swallowed his heart from his throat; with his eyes scouring and lips parted, Cloud looked especially beautiful.
“Oh, uh, yeah. Me an’ Aerith broke up.”
“I’m sorry to hear that,” Claudia said, though she was studying her son as she spoke, her expression difficult to decipher. Zack’s gaze flickered to her before returning to Cloud, attempting to see what she was seeing. Hoping he was deciphering it correctly.
“Nah, don’t be. Aerith was great—better than I deserved—but we ended things amicably. No bad blood between us!”
“When did—” Cloud cut off, ducking his head again. Were his cheeks a little pink, or was that Zack’s imagination?
Oh.
Zack didn’t think he was mistaken. He bit back a smile.
“It’s a recent development,” he said. In truth, he’d expected Aerith to slap him when he’d broken things off. She had every right to. She hadn’t, and after hearing all about Cloud, Aerith had promised she was rooting for Zack, cheering him on from the sidelines. Zack didn’t know what he’d done to deserve her unwavering loyalty, but she was the best friend he could ask for. Still, he hadn’t told Cloud, or anybody, about their breakup. He wasn’t sure why. He realised now that he’d been waiting for the right moment.
“Well, it’s nice to see young people being so mature,” Claudia said. “I’m sure you’ll find someone equally special in no time.” Her eyes, so like Cloud’s, glistened in a teasing way Zack could never imagine seeing on Cloud. Didn’t miss a trick, did Claudia Strife. Zack liked her.
“Here’s hoping,” Zack said, eyes lingering on Cloud. His smile grew as Cloud peered at him from under his long lashes, his own lips curved in the ghost of a smile.
After helping tidy up and declining a bed for the night (Zack was tempted—he and Cloud would have had to share.), the pair finally said their goodbyes to Claudia and stepped out into the mild night air.
“Back to the inn, then?” Zack asked, glad when Cloud shook his head. He wasn’t ready to call it a night, either.
“See that water tower?” Directly in front of them, it was hard to miss. Zack jokingly said as much, only for Cloud to roll his eyes, lips twitching upwards in amusement he tried to hide. “I used to sit up there and look at the sky.”
“Didn’t take you as an astronomer,” Zack teased.
“The night sky is peaceful. It doesn’t require conversation.”
“Sure you wanna go up there with me, then?” Zack asked lightly, hoping Cloud wouldn’t take him too seriously. There was nothing he wanted more than to watch the stars with Cloud.
“Willing to give you a shot,” Cloud said with a slight shrug of his shoulders.
Good enough for Zack. Throwing an arm around the shorter boy’s shoulders and basking in the way the casual touch made him feel, Zack guided Cloud towards the tower. “Lead the way!”
“Kinda hard to do with you shoving me,” Cloud mumbled. He didn’t pull away as Zack laughed in his ear.
Up in the tower with the stars shining brightly above them in celestial maps Zack could never hope to navigate, he managed to remain silent for all of three minutes. Staring at the vast sky made him feel so very small, though, and so very lonely. Zack didn’t like feeling that way. He longed to reach out, touch Cloud’s hand and assure himself he wasn’t alone. He settled for speaking instead.
“So you really wanna be a SOLDIER, huh?”
He worried Cloud would ignore him. He had specified that he liked the silence of the night sky, after all. Cloud’s soft answer was a welcome surprise. “I guess. I’m not good enough, though.” And didn’t Cloud’s disappointed tone tear at Zack’s insides? Cloud was an angel, and angels should never feel sad. That desperation to reach out, to touch, was back, stronger than ever. He always wanted to touch Cloud—gentle caresses, hand holding, fingers through hair, the press of soft lips… Zack wanted to experience it all with Cloud. It was getting harder and harder to avoid being selfish.
“Hey now, none of that. I see plenty of potential in you, man. You just need someone to believe in you, kinda like I had Angeal…” Zack trailed off, a sadness encompassing him as he thought of his mentor. He tried not to, generally. Thinking about Angeal made him sad, and Zack didn’t know how to handle sadness, even if it was constantly twining around his heart, sometimes pulling taut. Zack was good at fake it ‘till you make it. His smile could only be fake for so long before it shifted into something more genuine, after all.
“You miss him a lot?” Cloud asked.
“Oh, you know,” Zack said flippantly before glancing at Cloud and sobering. If there was anyone he wanted to be honest—real—with, it was Cloud. The twine around his heart tightened. “Yeah, I miss him a lot.” With that confession, the pressure released, and Zack would have found himself able to breathe easier had it not been for the sudden touch on his arm that startled him enough to almost slip off the edge of the water tower. The fall wouldn’t hurt his mako-enhanced body, but it would hurt his pride. He didn’t want to embarrass himself like that in front of his crush, especially not after bearing his heart.
“Sorry!” Cloud pulled back even as Zack rightened himself. The touch had been hot and unexpected, but Zack hadn’t wanted it to withdraw.
“No! No, no, no,” Zack said quickly, waving his hands frantically before him. “Don’t apologise! You just caught me off guard, is all.” Just caught him longing for a simple touch he never expected so much that he panicked when it actually arrived more like.
“I didn’t think that was possible,” Cloud said. “You being a SOLDIER and all.”
“More likely than you’d think,” Zack admitted. “I guess I’m sometimes a bit of an airhead.”
“Only sometimes?” Cloud’s teasing always caught Zack off guard—it didn’t happen often, but it always stole Zack’s breath. He recovered quickly, laughing as he bumped his shoulder against Cloud’s. They were sitting so close, even closer since Zack’s almost tumble from the tower.
“Hey, watch it, you!” Zack’s fingers threaded into Cloud’s hair, and he ruffled it until it resembled a bird’s nest.
With an amused protest, Cloud grabbed for Zack’s wrist. Once again, the touch felt hot, the burn startling but pleasant. They both froze, their eyes locked in intense contact neither could break free from. Zack’s heart thudded in his chest, and his breath caught in his throat. All he could do was stare—he had never been quite so close to Cloud before, their faces barely a few inches apart. Unable to stop himself, his gaze drifted, and he focused on the little dip above Cloud’s Cupid’s bow and how it drew attention to his soft, plump lips. Gods, Zack wanted to kiss him. He’d wanted to kiss Cloud for so long now, but he’d never been sure, never wanted to make Cloud uncomfortable with his intense feelings that might not be reciprocated.
Their evening together, however, felt like it shed things in a new light. From Cloud’s invitation, to his reaction to Zack and Aerith’s break up to now, where his wide eyes darted, but his lips parted slightly, and he didn’t pull away…
Maybe Cloud wanted to be kissed as much as Zack wanted to kiss?
Zack pushed forward just a little, just enough to be so obviously in Cloud’s personal space that the boy could quickly pull away should he want to. When Cloud didn’t pull back, Zack inched forward, moving slowly enough to give Cloud time. Zack’s heart thudded loudly in his chest as he inched forward. He was simultaneously terrified that Cloud might pull away and that he might not.
Kissing Cloud would change everything between them, and while that was exciting, now that he was faced with it, Zack realised it was scary, too.
Still, what was life without a little fear, right?
When Cloud made no effort to escape his slow approach, Zack pressed their lips in a soft, chaste kiss. The world seemed to tilt on its axis, the water tower spinning in celebration as, before Zack could pull back, Cloud leaned into the kiss, deepening it with a little gasp that did things to Zack.
Cloud’s hand, still on Zack’s wrist, slid up his arm, leaving a trail of goosebumps in the wake of the feather-light brush. Zack shivered against him as Cloud’s long fingers finally reached his neck, cupping it with unexpected tenderness. Zack let his own hands wander, finding Cloud’s chest, his waist, a desperate need to touch, to hold.
When they finally drew away, desperate for air, neither was willing to release their hold, both clinging like the other was a mirage that would shimmer away once no longer grasped.
Zack laughed, quiet and joyful, ducking his head into the crook of Cloud’s neck. “I’ve wanted to do that for a while,” he confessed. He shivered as Cloud’s fingers played with the hairs at the back of his neck.
“Same,” Cloud said. His thumb traced a spot just behind Zack’s ear, making him groan.
“Don’t stop,” Zack gasped as Cloud made to withdraw.
Cloud huffed a laugh but withdrew his hand, leaving Zack pouting. “My mom’s probably peering through the curtains at us,” he said sheepishly. “I think she noticed something.”
“You think?” Zack teased. “In fairness, that was probably my bad. I couldn’t stop staring at you.”
Cloud bit his lip, trying to hide his reaction. “I think we were both staring at each other. Maybe inviting you for dinner wasn’t the best call.”
“Are you kidding? I had a blast! Your mom's lovely. Plus, I’d still be so unsure if you liked me back or not if it hadn’t been for this evening.”
Cloud’s eyebrows wrinkled adorably. “I wasn’t obvious?”
His genuine surprise startled a laugh from Zack. He hadn’t found Cloud obvious, but maybe he was just dumb. Unable to resist, he reached out to ruffle Cloud’s hair again, basking in the thought that these simple touches were allowed now. He could card his hands through Cloud’s hair, and it wouldn’t be weird.
They sat silently for a while, gazes skyward and hands entwined, thumbs tracing patterns on the others’ skin. It was nice. Relaxing.
A calm before the storm.
“So what now?” Cloud asked, breaking the silence and drawing Zack’s gaze back towards him.
“Now?” Zack hummed, smiling. Now was perfect; what else did they need? “Let’s just take it as it comes and enjoy the moment. After all, you never know what the future holds."