Actions

Work Header

The Taste Test

Summary:

“For you see! Ice cream! Was prepared as a treat for our guests at La Manchaland!” She continued in a bluster, ”But alas, I was too proud to try this delicacy at that time, and it has been one of mine few regrets e’er since…!”

———

Don Quixote finally gets some ice cream, and everyone on the bus gets to take a little break.

Notes:

Thanks to @Ronear and @Aabluedragon for their comments on my previous stories that gave me even more thoughts about bloodfiends eating human food!

My previous stories have been a bit pensive, so it’s time to let Don Quixote have some fun.

I realized after writing this that the ending CG for Canto V actually implies that Don Quixote did get her whale ice cream in the end, but for the sake of this story let’s imagine that she didn’t-!

Work Text:

”So you’re telling me that all along you’ve had no sense of taste, chiquita?” Rodion quirked an eyebrow at the practically vibrating Don Quixote. 

“Nay, Lady Rodya!” Don Quixote cried out in reply, “Tis not that I have no sense of taste, ‘tis only that mine sense of taste is rather alternatively tuned…!”

“That can’t be right, haven’t you reported on the, uh… ”taste” of abnormalities before… plus something about licking fish? And what about those chickens?” Gregor wondered. 

“Uwaaaah, you see… f-from the heart a-anything can be…! Haah…” Don Quixote fumbled for a moment. 

”’Tis enough for this noble knight to dine alongside her fellows regardless of flavor — but how I long to taste the legendary ice cream!” She clenched her fists in determination. 

“For you see! Ice cream! Was prepared as a treat for our guests at La Manchaland!” she continued in a bluster. ”But alas, I was too proud to try this delicacy at that time, and it has been one of mine few regrets e’er since…!” Some small tears were welling up in the corners of her eyes.

“Aww, Dante, doesn’t that just tug at your little heartstrings~?” Rodion cooed. 

<“Well, it’s good for everyone to get a treat outside of the bus canteen every once in a while. We’ll be there pretty soon,”> Dante agreed. 

”Faust advises that, in place of routine consumption of blood, novel and enriching activities are advisable for sinner Don Quixote to maintain her emotional well being,” Faust noted.

Don Quixote continued overflowing with anticipation in her seat. 

“So you’d like to try different kinds of things, Don Quixote?” Sinclair inquired. 

“There are so few foods I have insofar tasted in this wide City!” she declared. “So please! I must! For honor! Nay, for all Kindred!”

“Oh~? Well I know a lot of delicacies that you simply must sample! My family’s chefs were always making the most intriguing dishes in the grand kitchen,” Hong Lu chimed in. “And then there are other interesting things I have tried before, myself.”

”Have you ever eaten paper~? What about dirt~?” His eyes turned mischievous. 

“Oi!! Do not feed the lass dirt and trash, like she’s some beast!” Heathcliff barked.

He then looked over at Don Quixote’s expectant face, which gave every indication she was onboard with the idea, and winced. “And you, have some self respect — don’t eat whatever random crap this fool offers you! Try some proper food, yeah?”

“I’d bet there’s some interesting things that you can try, even if you can’t taste them.” Ishmael said, ”I have a few ideas myself. I’d often see people trading in exotic fruits from the Outskirts. They are said to create all kinds of unusual sensations after eating them.“

“There was this one berry that epicurean nest-dweller types would eat, and after it they could bite into the bitterest lemons and said they tasted just like candy…” she reminisced. 

“To subvert the contrarian, biting lemon into pleasing sweetness… I should like to experience that as well,” Yi Sang mused. 

“Ta dah. Mepi arrives. Charon requests strawberry,” Charon announced from the driver’s seat. 

Everyone climbed out of the bus to visit the most moderate ice cream shop in P Corp’s nest. Rodion took point and handled collecting everyone’s flavor requests for their cones, then doled them out to all the sinners (minus Dante, plus Charon) for their corporate approved morale-building event. 

Once everyone had their ice cream in hand, a semicircle formed around Don Quixote. It couldn’t be denied that her reaction was now the main draw. Ryoshu was smirking and observing intently, as though she were about to be shown a magic trick. 

“Ok Donnie~! Give it a go!” encouraged Rodion with a flourish. 

No one should have been surprised when Don Quixote consumed almost all of her chocolate ice cream cone in one bite. Yet, so it went.

“WOUUUUAAAAGH!! The legends are true! The ice cream doth steadily turn from solid to liquid in the mouth! And it is so unerringly cold besides!!” Her eyes twinkled with excitement, as though this was all according to her plan, while she hollered with her mouth completely full. 

One suspenseful moment passed. 

”M-my teeth. No, wait, my head! N-ngh, my head, it actually hurts…? Haaaah…” Don Quixote winced after swallowing her mouthful of ice cream in a pained gulp. 

“Aaaand that would be the brain freeze!” Rodion smiled. 

“It is suggested to not ingest cold food rapidly, to avoid adverse reactions.” Meursault noted.

“N-now I see… Heh-hmm! Tis both a thrilling experience, and one not to be underestimated…! So this is the legendary ice cream!” Don Quixote nodded sagely.

“What did you think of the taste, Don Quixote?” Sinclair asked. 

“The smooth texture of the ice cream contrasted well ‘twixt the crunch of the containing foodstuff…! The taste of mottled liquid was of no note to me, but I have hitherto never had an item so cold it freezes back! Tis little wonder our youngest guests would beg their parents for this treat! Ah-heh heh heh!” Don Quixote summarized with a pleased grin. 

Rodion and Hong Lu politely clapped in response to the Bloodfiend food review. 

“Now, next stop, I know a sandwich that Don Quixote should try — instead of all these useless desserts,” Heathcliff said. 

“Finally, someone who appreciates normal food…” Gregor sighed. 

“What? Who said you get to pick the next menu? At least pick something a bit less pedestrian when it’s on the company dime!” objected Rodion. 

“Bold of you lot to assume such decisions are up to some kind of popular vote.” Outis rolled her eyes. “Back on the bus!”