Work Text:
WhatsApp chat: 🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️🏴☠️THE CREW🔥💦✨
Oluwande:
Fang did Pete end up back at yours last night mate?
Lucius:
Izzabella took him back to ours early 🌝
Oluwande:
Cool just wanted to make sure he was ok 🫶🏿
Not answered any texts so guess it was a good night lol
Swede:
I did not 🙅♂️ like how his farbror was talking to him 🫢😔☹️😠😤 AT ALL 👿👹👺
Roach:
Someone should do something am I right 🔪
Buttons:
Karl's cloaca is primed and ready to fire, Chef
Pete:
What's a cloaca
Lucius:
Morning babe 😏😏
Jim:
Bird multitool butthole
Ivan:
Bird plopper
Oluwande:
Bird arse kinda
Roach:
Bird gash
Stede:
What a time to open the chat!!! I shall return at another, less avian genitalia focused one.
Pete:
Lmao weak 🙄 why are we talking about bird bussy guys
Oluwande:
Genuine congrats man on coming up with something worse than bird gash, really made my day 🫥
Pete:
Hahahahahahh
Brb making Izzy breakfast in bed 🥓🧇🥞🧈🍳🍆
Jim:
Gross dude let that old man wait on himself
Frenchie:
Careful with the bacon crumbs mate they're catnip to fairies and if you squish one of those guys rolling over in bed you're in deep trouble with the other side, ask me how I know 👀
Lucius:
Oooook
Fang:
Aww boys 🥹🥰
Sorry Olu I was out with Barbie
Looks like you got answered tho 🙏🏼
Uncle Bob is a piece of work isn't he!!!!!!
Aunty Ruby's no better
Ed:
Get Ivan to seduce her you know he's got a magic touch with mean old ladies
Ivan:
👀🔥I mean usually fuck yeah sign me up fr
Reckon she's beyond even my skills, miserable fuckin arsehole
You know what she said when Pete introduced me?
Happy Ramadan 😂😂😂😂😂
In this smug tone like she thought it was a sick burn
Roach:
🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪?
Jim:
I'm in man, that fucker is toast
Pete:
Wait who are we stabbing
Nvm I just scrolled
You guys 🥰
John:
If we can light them both on fire I'm in 🔥
Izzy:
Morning all
Heard there's a murder plot happening
Thought I'd better show up and offer assistance
Frenchie:
😃 You some kind of secret murder expert mate?
Pete:
He sure murdered my cloaca last night ☺️
Jim:
NO
Oluwande:
PETER
Buttons:
Pics?
John:
😡🤬😡🤬🤬😡😡
Ed:
🤣🤣
Lucius:
OH MY GOD BABE
Roach:
HAHAHA
Izzy:
Jesus what the fuck am I doing with him
Swede:
Your best I am sure 😊
John:
Can we get back to chasing arseholes out of town?
Sorry *murder* if we're using code words
Stede:
Loath as I am to share space with bigots, especially space I'm mostly paying for as mother of the bride, Pete did invite them and they are his family so I think the final say on whether they stay or go needs to be his.
But for the record: that dreadful man made some very pointed comments to me about how a pub like ours in his hometown would be ashes before too long, so clearly he's not opposed to a bit of arson at least in theory. Use that info as you will, John.
Pete:
Yeah he's an asshole idk why I invited them ☹️
You guys don't even know half the shit he's done
Frenchie:
I mean we can kind of guess the gist babes x
Pete:
I don't wanna talk about it cos it bums me out bad
It's what you think but like turned up to 11
So yeah
I don't want them here stinking up our awesome day and I'm a dumbass for causing my own problems I guess
I was gonna just tell them to leave
But a little light to moderate menacing would be cool too
Izzy:
Jim Edward Fang Ivan John Roach: you look the scariest, you're the hit squad
Jim:
You putting yourself in charge hombrecito?
Izzy:
Aunque pequeña, es de indole fiera
Jim:
🫠🫡
Swede:
Får jag prata svenska?! 😃😄😁
Stede:
Latine loquor!
Gosh it's been a very long time though, nobody laugh at me if it's wrong.
Pete:
Is everyone having a stroke orrr
Ed:
Babe I love how you think anyone else knows LATIN you brilliant freak of nature 🥹
Izzy:
Well some of us are recovering Catholics to be fair
Jim:
My nana's a nun 😬
Izzy:
Fuck really?
Jim:
Sì, she's a badass though 😎
Izzy:
That actually explains a lot on many many levels somehow
And yet I still have questions
Question 1) What the fuck Jim?
John:
Take it to DMs love, we're planning a double murder here 🔥🔥
Roach:
You guys know I went to medical school, right?
I know where to cut 🫀🫁🧠
Stede:
Yes well I did assume we were speaking metaphorically
Pete:
That's cos you're a wuss
Fang:
Hey
Pete:
Sorry x
Izzy:
No he's right Bonnet you're a fucking wuss
Stick with wedding planning
Fang:
Boss.....
Izzy:
Just saying
Lucius:
👀🍿
Ed:
Pete mate do you want to do it yourself?
I mean we can chase them off for you
Fuck em up a bit
Not decked a bigot in ages lol might be fun
OR you want us to be your backup?
Like if you got stuff you want to say or whatever
Stede:
Yes, please don't underestimate the power of a good VERBAL attack, everyone!
Roach:
Boooooooooooooooooooo
Jim:
I've NEVER punched a guy out then thought damn I wish I just called him an asshole instead
John:
Where are they staying? I'll go and burn it down right now lmao
Stede:
Okay! You're all very tough and brave and scary, it's very impressive 🙂
Pete:
They're at Jan's b&b
I told them it was the best place in town 🤣
Ed:
😂😂😂 that's fucking diabolical
Ivan:
Dunno about the breakfast but her beds top notch 😏
Izzy Hands has left the chat
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Oluwande Jimenez has left the chat
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Lucius:
Oh my god lmfaoooo
Ed:
MATE 😂
Stede:
No! Say you didn't!
Alternatively: tell me more.
Pete:
Dude......Izzy says you're fired
Ivan:
🫡
Ivan Khan has left the chat
Fang:
Ivan what have you done!
Lol too late 😢
Swede:
Where did everybody go? 🤔🤨🧐
Lucius:
To burn down Jan's b&b probably
Swede:
Oh dear 😅🙈🔥👵🔥
Stede:
Breakfast meeting in my shop?
Murder plots should be discussed in person, I think.
Please pass on the invitation to those who have left.
Buttons:
Is Karl invited?
Stede:
Yes of course, if he promises not to poo on my stock.
Buttons:
I have conveyed your terms to him.
Stede:
Right! See you later, crew.
John Feeney has joined the chat
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Izzy Hands has joined the chat
Oluwande Jimenez has joined the chat
Oluwande:
News on Buttons, anyone?
Izzy:
Bonnet's with him at the station
Swede:
I do not think it is illegal to be friends with a bird 😡👹☠️
Roach:
Maybe if you bewitch the bird to attack people
Swede:
Okay yes perhaps
Pete:
I love all you guys 🫶
Lucius:
Even Stede? 😉
Pete:
I guess today I don't totally hate him
Stede:
Thank you Pete!
That's uncharacteristically kind and mature of you!
Pete:
Ugh no I'm annoyed again just seeing your dumb picture 🥴
Stede:
Oh well.
Pete:
(Appreciate you though, all you guys are the best)
Stede:
(You're very welcome 😊)
Roach:
Crew for life 🫡