Work Text:
It's winter now.
Finally, the season I love the most—
when I can rest,
hide under the warmth of my blankets, and not think about deadlines or essays or the constant weight of school.
The cold air biting at the windows, the world muffled by snow, and me inside, cocooned in peace.
but
It’s lonely without Alexander .
without his voice, his laugh, or his hands brushing mine in quiet moments.
Without him, who would I be?
He taught me what love is.
Not the cliché, not the stories they tell you in movies, but real love. The kind that’s soft and steady, like holding a flame in your hands without getting burned.
love that feels like home, like belonging.
And he gave that to me.
He chose me.
How crazy is that?
I love him. deeply, endlessly, in a way that scares me sometimes. because it’s so big, this love, and I don't know where it ends— or if it does.
I want to feel him near me—his arms wrapped around me, his warmth bleeding into mine. the way his breath skims my neck, the way his lips linger— like he has all the time in the world for me.
I'd stay in his embrace forever if I could.
It’s the only place I feel like I'm really alive.
Sometimes, we’d bike to the river. just the two of us.
It’s our
spot
. the place where we hid after school that one time, running from the bullies, and ended up swimming instead. The way he laughed—so bright, so free—
it’s a memory I keep like a treasure.
Now Christmas is coming.
and I don't know what to give him.
A piano, maybe? something big and grand and worthy of him. or—
Me.
I could give myself to him. completely, fully.
and
he’d keep me.
Because he’s mine.
isn’t he?
Thank you for giving me the most precious gift I could ever receive.
It feels unreal sometimes, like I'm stuck in a dream I don't want to wake up from. but it’s real. He's real. alexander.
I love him so much, you know?
Like, really. It’s embarrassing how much. 24/7, my brain is just... him. him laughing, him smiling, him saying my name like it’s something special.
He’s like a parasite.
But the kind you don’t mind having.
The kind you’re grateful for.
He’s a part of me now. and I think that’s good.
isn’t it?
Mom and dad said he’s my first love.
And yeah, he is. Dad’s old song about first love? I used to listen to it on repeat, not realizing someday it’d make sense.
Someday, I'd feel it.
and now I do.
But no offense to mom and dad—Alexander is number one.
always at the top of my list.
and I'm at the top of his, obviously.
He loves me.
and I love him.
It’s this endless loop I never get tired of. Not like homework.
Every day, I'm the one who messages him first.
He always teases me for it.
“
You’re so hyper, huh?
”He says, with that stupid grin.
and I just laugh. Obviously, you’re my boyfriend! Where else would my energy go?
He’s my number one.
my focus, my everything. every single day.