Work Text:
6:55 a.m.
I felt utterly drained, as though I hadn’t slept in years. The reason? No clue. My memory of the previous night was a complete blank, which led me to assume I must’ve gone to bed early.
It wasn’t just exhaustion. It was this gnawing emptiness, a void I could name. My routine had become a series of motions: wake up, work, go home, repeat. Each day bled into the next, and somewhere along the way, something was missing again.
I stared at my reflection in the café’s window as I flipped the sign to "open." For a moment, I almost didn’t recognize the person looking back at me. My face was pale, my eyes dull. At least, I had some time off from college now, so I could hang out more with my friends, but christmas times always scared me. They would be with their families or significant others, and I, alone in a table full of food, with my mom on his phone, my dad probably not home and my brother would certainly be watching something very very boring, just christmas.
The streets outside were mostly deserted, the town still deep in its snowy slumber. Snow had been falling more frequently these days. The sun had yet to peek over the horizon, but here I was, stepping into the café to begin my morning shift.
I got straight to work—powering up the machines, switching on the lights, rearranging the chairs in the middle of the room, and preparing the essentials at the counter. A few trips between the kitchen and the front later, and the pastry display was fully stocked.
Everything was ready. Now it was just a waiting game for the earliest customers to shuffle in. I flipped the sign on the door to "open," and it didn’t take long for the first half-asleep zombies to walk inside.
A greeting hovered on the tip of my tongue, but I knew it would fall on deaf ears. The only thing on their minds was coffee. Small talk could wait.
“What can I get for you?” I asked, my tone upbeat.
The response? A mix of a grunt and a glare, which made me chuckle.
“Coffee. Black,” came the gruff reply.
“Got it,” I said, already prepping their order. “How about a pastry?” I added, glancing at them expectantly.
“This,” they both said at the same time, pointing to their choices.
“Alright. Have a seat. I’ll bring everything over.” All I got in return was a couple of muffled grunts.
Humming softly, I finished making the coffee and grabbed their pastries. As I headed back to the kitchen, I leaned against the doorframe and smirked.
“Perfect timing,” I teased.
“Oh, hush,” Sungchan shot back, rolling his eyes as he tied the apron.
“Hey, it’s about time you showed up.”
“This whole idea of opening earlier to cater so the zombies can have their order was your own bright idea,” he said, giving me a playful shove.
“It was a group decision. You all agreed to it,” I replied with a grin. “Now, come help out. Ningning should be here soon.”
“You’re such a pain,” he muttered, heading to the counter.
Right on cue, a small crowd came through the doors. Sungchan and I sprang into action, quickly taking their orders. As expected, a brief lull followed.
Leaning against the counter, I took a moment to survey the café. It was warm and inviting, with light-colored walls giving the space a cheerful vibe. Booths lined the walls on my left and in front of me, while to my right, tables by the windows offered cozy seating. The center of the room held more tables and chairs, and I knew it wouldn’t be long before those filled up with customers too.
My gaze shifted to the table by the entrance. That’s where we placed announcements, pamphlets, and, prominently, a snow globe.
There was a story behind that snow globe. It was said to grant wishes—if someone shook it while making their wish, that is. It drew people in, especially kids, and sometimes, there’d even be a small line of people waiting their turn. I found it cute. As much as I wanted to believe in its magic, I was too pragmatic. Some friends swore it worked for them, but I’d never tried it myself.
The only times I touched the snow globe were during cleaning, when I had to move it. A few of the tiny snowflakes would swirl around the snowman inside, but that was it. I didn’t think much about it.
Most of the time, I was busy. Work and friends took up a big chunk of my life. My group was close-knit and always seemed to attract or stumble into trouble.
Right now, we were all wrapped up in preparing for the Christmas celebrations. It was a huge project—busy, chaotic, and all-consuming.
Still, even with all of that, there was always this small emptiness inside me that nothing seemed to fill. Phone and video calls weren’t enough to bridge the gap. Something was missing, and I couldn’t ignore it.
And thats what clicked me of why I was so tired.
“Hey, you
What's up? It's been a while
We haven't had the talk, and we went on with life
Reflecting on myself and what went wrong with us
Saw you on Instagram
Well, you look all cute
You're still the one with the best body in Hollywood
I didn't lie
I loved you very much
I know you've moved on with your new friends, doin' better now
It's all good
I guess I'm not that cool”
Shit , why the fuck have I sent so many messages last night? I really should stop drinking alone.
The sudden, vivid memory of last night hit me like a slap across the face, and I groaned inwardly. Why do I always do this to myself? The combination of exhaustion, loneliness, and a couple of drinks had opened the floodgates, and now I was left cleaning up the mess I'd made—again.
I pulled my phone out of my pocket, scrolling through the barrage of messages I’d sent. Each one was worse than the last, a mix of nostalgia, self-pity, and that stupid honesty that only comes after midnight and a few shots of whiskey. What the hell was I thinking? Clearly, I wasn’t.
I cringed, imagining how that must’ve read on their end. Desperate, maybe? Definitely sad. It was a train wreck. A horrible, cringeworthy train wreck. And now, here I was, standing in the middle of the coffeehouse, the warmth of the place doing little to ease the cold sweat running down my back. My thumb hovered over the delete button, but it was too late for that. The messages had been sent, and I hadn’t even thought to unsend them in the moment.
………………
2 years ago.
"You made it with two minutes to spare. Congratulations," Sungchan retorted, his tone dripping with sarcasm.
"Oh, shut the hell up! At least I made an effort to come on time," I shot back, pouting.
"I mean, I guess, but you barely made it," Sungchan pointed out, giving me one of his classic deadpan looks.
"Yeah, yeah, I know," I muttered, waving him off.
My parents were forcing me to work after I broke the car, I mean it was really weird they didnt want to cover it this time, saying I need to take responsibility. Sungchan helped me get this job at the coffehouse.
Sometimes I felt really lonely. My parents and brother were on vacation to Miami now and didint want me there. I was kinda relying on my friends, but I still felt alone, if at least I had someone like they have…
Ningning put me on the register for the morning, it would be a busy day. My first costumer was an elderly woman that took so long to decide what she wanted.
As I was finishing up the previous order, I glanced up and froze. Standing in front of me was an incredibly attractive man. He had messy bleached hair, and a single earring dangling from his right ear. Gods, he was hot, but still cute.
"You're staringg~," Ningning teased from the other register, snapping me out of my trance.
"Oh—uh, my apologies. Welcome! Is there anything you'd like?" I managed to say, trying to sound composed even though my heart was racing.
He was paciently waiting to order with a smile, like he didnt have to be anywhere else.
"Hmm, how about just a latte?" he replied, his voice smooth and casual.
"Alrighty, give me a few seconds to prepare that," I said, quickly turning away to grab a cup, hoping he didn’t notice the slight flush creeping up my face.
As I walked away, I could swear I felt someone’s gaze on me.
I returned with the cup, now full of coffee. “May I ask your name?” I asked, pulling out a sharpie and uncapping it with my teeth—a habit I knew I should probably break.
“Oh, it's Shotaro,” he said with a smile that made my cheeks flush for some dumb reason.
I quickly wrote down his name, capped the sharpie, and focused on the register. “Your total is $3.65,” I said, trying to keep my voice steady.
The boy handed me a $5 bill, and I gave him his change. Just as he was about to leave, he slid me a sticky note.
Curious, I unfolded it, and the moment I read what was written, my face turned bright red.
Call Me
XXX-XXX-XXXX
"Oooo, someone's got a boyfriend~," Ningning teased, reading the note over my shoulder.
I huffed, quickly folding the note and shoving it into my pocket, trying to ignore the heat rising to my cheeks.
................
I decided to crash at Sungchan’s house that night, my parents were out of town and in general mad at me, so, no problem at all. Some other friends would be over too, just to talk and play games, I guessed. Which was probably a mistake on my part.
"HEY THAT'S NO FAIR!" Sungchan yelled, as Ninging placed down her final card, winning the game.
"Or maybe you're just a sore ass loser." I teased.
"I AM NOT! SHE'S WON LIKE EVERY ROUND!" Sungchan was never really a good sport when it came to loosing.
"Have you ever thought that maybe you just suck?" I said
"THAT'S IT-" He got up but was stopped by Ningning.
"Calm down, he's messing with you." He grunted and sat back down.
"Hey Chany, I heard some guy gave you his number at work today," Minjeong turned to look at me
"Oh yeah, he did,," I pulled out the sticky note.
"Have you called him yet?" Sungchan inquired.
"No-"
"Well call him!" He wore a mischievous grin, almost as if he was getting payback for my snarky comment earlier.
"But-"
"Call him." The girls said together.
I typed in the number and hit call, feeling slightly embarrassed with everyone looking at me like hawks.
"Hello? Who is this?" Shotaro’s voice came through the other end, smooth and casual.
"Oh, hey, it's the barista from this morning," I said, my face already heating up. I could feel my cheeks turning into a blushing mess.
"Oh yeah, Hello!" he replied in a cute tone, and I swear my face couldn’t get any redder.
I heard muffled snickers from them in the background. *I’m going to kill both of you.*
"Say, I never got your name earlier," Shotaro continued.
"Oh, uh, my name is Chanyoung" I said, my voice quieter now because, let’s face it, I was mortified.
"Heh, a cute name for a cute guy."
I nearly choked. Sungchan couldn’t hold back his laughter any longer and bolted into the other room, practically howling.
"I- uh-" I stuttered, completely lost for words.
"Shit, I’ve got to go. Byee~" He said on the other side of the line, hanging up before I could respond.
"You okay?" Minjeong asked, giving me a knowing look as I stood there, flustered beyond belief.
"Y-yeah," I muttered, trying to pull myself together while my heart raced like crazy.
..........
Some weeks later and it was almost december. It was Sohee’s birthday and I havent tought of anything to give him, my mind was full. Sungchan and the others planned to take him to a fancy dinner nearby. so I figured it out last minute to just pay for his order at the dinner.
He was not playing either, Sohee made sure to order everything that seemed even a little bit tasty, I knew he wasnt going to eat all of that.
As the waiter approached our table, my eyes widened in shock when I realized who it was. It was none other than Shotaro.
"Are you guys ready to order?" he asked, pulling out a notepad effortlessly, like it was second nature.
"Yup! I’ll have a steak, cooked well done, please," Sungchan replied without missing a beat.
Meanwhile, I had completely zoned out, my gaze fixated on the waiter...
"—Hello? What would you like to order?"
I snapped out of it, realizing I’d been blatantly staring at him. My cheeks immediately flushed.
"Oh, uh, I’ll have steak as well. Cooked the same way as his," I said quickly, gesturing toward Sungchan.
"Alright! Thank you," Shotaro said with a slight smile before walking off toward the kitchen.
"You knew he worked here, didn’t you?" I glared at Sungchan from across the table.
"Pffft, what are you talking about?" he said, feigning innocence. It was painfully obvious he did.
"Yeah, very funny embarrassing me, asshole," I scowled.
"Consider it payback." He said, his tone dripping with sarcasm.
I sighed, already resigned to this being just another one of his antics.
Soon enough, He returned with our food, carefully placing the plates in front of us. Just as he was about to leave, he slipped a sticky note next to my plate.
Curious, I unfolded it, and my cheeks immediately flushed again. Of course, Sungchan leaned over the table to read it too.
You look very nice tonight. :)
"Aww, would you look at that~" Sungchan giggled, clearly enjoying my embarrassment.
"Let’s just finish eating," I muttered, trying to hide how flustered I was.
…
It was almost christmas, and I’d been talking to Shotaro pretty often. Everyone knew about our winter fling. At some points, Sungchan dramatically sobbed, whining about how his best friend was being stolen away by some blondie.
I was finishing up my shift when Shotaro approached me.
"Hey, can we talk after you're done? Like—outside," he stammered, looking down at me.
"Just a second" I said, trying to keep my voice calm.
Once I was finally out there, I took a deep breath. "So, why’d you want to talk?" My heart was definitely beating faster than usual.
"I just—" Shotaro paused for a second, clearly nervous. "Was wondering if you wanted to come over to my apartment and hang out or something... maybe this weekend?"
I could feel my face going red. "Oh, sure. I wouldn’t mind." I managed to get the words out, quickly looking away.
His face seemed to light up, his relief obvious. "Great! It’s a date!"
A... date?
Before I could process it, Shotaro ran off, leaving me standing there, blushing like crazy.
A date…
…
I arrived at His house in the evening, my heart pounding a little faster than usual. I knocked on the door, and sure enough, the blonde opened it with a smile, inviting me inside.
"Your house is nice," I said, taking in the cozy vibe of the place.
It was actually very small, like a studio apartment.
"Thank you, babe" He replied, with a cute voice. "Why don’t we watch a movie?" he suggested, pulling out some alcohol from his kitchen. "Do you drink?" he asked, looking at me expectantly.
I nodded. "Yeah, a little."
Shotaro smiled brightly and handed me a bottle of wine, pouring us each a glass. We both sank into his couch, the warmth of the room contrasting the chilly evening outside. As the movie started, I found myself distracted by the soft hum of Shotaro’s voice, his presence too close and yet somehow comforting.
"Thanks for coming over," he said casually, his eyes flicking toward me. "I’ve been wanting to hang out more, you know?"
I nodded, trying to ignore how fast my heartbeat was racing. "Yeah, me too," I replied, my voice quieter than usual.
The movie played on, but I couldn’t focus. My mind kept wandering back to Shotaro—his smile, the way he looked at me, the way his presence just seemed to fill up the room.
I knew what was going to happen and I was in some way excited, but at the same time a little bit scared.
A little time has passed, this movie was boring as hell, or maybe I just wasnt on the mood to watch a fucking film. I felt him shifting closer.
“The wine isnt doing it for me…” He whispered to me ear.
“What do you mean?”
“Im still cold.” He rest his head on my shoulder, I didnt knew how to react.
It was always like that for me. I kept dreaming about someone I like being closer and touching me, but when that happens, I froze and didnt know how to respond to.
"Are you sure you're cold?" I asked, my voice coming out more awkward than I'd intended.
Shotaro shifted slightly, his breath warm against my skin. "Yeah," he muttered, his tone softer now, quieter. "But not just from the wine. I guess... I just like being close to you."
I could feel my heart skip a beat at his words. He hadn’t exactly said anything overtly romantic, but it felt like the air between us had shifted. There was a weight to his confession, and I was suddenly acutely aware of how my body was reacting to him.
Just then, Shotaro shifted again, moving closer until his lips brushed lightly against my neck. The touch was so subtle, so soft, but it sent a jolt through my body. I froze, unsure of what to do. I’d never been good at this whole thing—being touched, being close to someone in a way that felt so intimate.
"Chanyoung," he whispered, his voice low and almost teasing. "You okay?"
I swallowed hard, my pulse quickening. I didn’t know how to answer. My mind was a mess, my emotions tangled up in knots. I wanted to say something, to tell him how I felt, but the words seemed to get stuck somewhere in my chest.
Instead, I just nodded, my eyes drifting to the bottle of wine on the coffee table. "Yeah. I'm good,"
Shotaro didn’t seem convinced, but he didn’t push. Instead, he pulled away slightly, his hand brushing against mine in an almost tentative gesture. The touch was soft, gentle, and it left me feeling... something I couldn’t quite put into words. But warm.
"Are you sure?”
A spark of courage lit in me, I pulled him closer again, I latched our lips together, like I knew what the fuck I was doing right now. Straddling him in the process while Shotaro's arms snaked around my waist.
After a good minute or two, we pulled apart. My face was red like a tomato and hot like the sun.
"Holy shit, you're a good kisser," He gasped.
I blushed. "Oh really?"
Taking this opportunity, I kissed him again, letting the kiss grow deeper. Shotaro moved, his lips trailing down my neck, and I gasped at the sensation.
"Of course, you are quite literally the most attractive boy I've ever seen," he mumbled into my skin.
I let out a sigh, feeling the heat rise in me. "Can't say I don't feel the same," I replied, my voice quieter now.
"Bedroom?" I asked, my breath shaky.
He gently pushed me into his bed, pinning me down, and he immediately went back to biting at my neck, making me sigh. I gripped at his hair, occasionally moaning or gasping as his teeth gently grazed my skin. He moved lower, biting down at the bottom of my neck, and I couldn’t help but gasp.
I sighed, feeling the heat between us rise as Shotaro started grinding his legs against me. The sensation made me whimper.
I felt something vibrating on my pocket, it took me several minutes to realize it was my phone. I couldnt say I was alleviated or angry.
I wasnt going to pick it up, but the calling was so insistent it could be something important.
"Where the hell are you?" Sohee said on the other side of the line, Shotaro was lying at my side, holding his laughter.
“Im at… the supermarket” I lied, I need an excuse.
“Which one.”
“I can't talk right now, do you need something?”
"Well alright. It's just you weren't at your apartment, but I wont bug you further." He hung up.
"Well that kind of killed the mood." Shotaro laughed.
I laughed alone, feeling a little sad.
“Are you good, babe?" My mind practically short-circuted.
"Yeah”
………………
Our winter fling turned into a fall situationship.
I was really invested, he was the perfect guy, the one I always dreamed of, he could be cute, hot, very understanding and very funny too, all my friends adored him and he was kinda of way cooler than me.
I couldn’t help but wonder—was I really enough for him? He was everything I had ever wanted, and yet, I felt so small compared to him. He was confident, older, and experienced in ways that I wasn’t. I had barely even kissed anyone before him, he had to teach me everything. What if he found someone cooler, someone more experienced, someone who could match his energy? What if he realized that I wasn’t the one he wanted and decided to leave me for someone who could give him more?
Shotaro was still great to me, but I couldn’t ignore the doubts that kept creeping into my mind. Maybe it was the pressure of our secret relationship, or the fact that I wasn’t entirely sure where we stood. But the thought of losing him, of being left behind for someone better, haunted me.
A week after my birthday, I was still wrestling with these feelings of uncertainty when Shotaro called me one evening. His voice sounded different—more serious than usual.
"Hey, can we talk? It's important," he said, his tone making my heart skip a beat. I agreed, my mind racing with all kinds of thoughts, wondering what was going on.
I met him outside his apartment, feeling the cold air bite at my skin. Shotaro was standing there, his hands shoved into his pockets, his usual carefree demeanor replaced by something more solemn.
"What's going on?" I asked, already bracing myself for something bad.
He sighed deeply, looking up at me. "I got a call today. From back home... my family. Things there haven’t been going as well as I thought. I’ve been running out of options, and I don’t have the money to keep staying here."
My stomach dropped. "What do you mean? Are you... leaving?" The word left my mouth before I could stop it, and I instantly regretted it.
Shotaro nodded, his gaze avoiding mine. "Yeah. I need to go back, to see if I can fix things with my family. It’s not just about the money—it’s about... everything. I thought I could make it work here, but I’m realizing I don’t have the resources to keep going."
Yeah, he told it to me, he was trying so make his thing with dance work, but it was being very hard.
I stared at him, my heart shattering in my chest. "But... I thought we were good. I thought... you said…”
"I know," he interrupted gently, stepping closer. "I never expected things to get complicated like this. But I need to go home. And... I don’t think it’s fair to keep dragging you along with me, especially if I can’t even take care of myself right now."
His words hit me like a punch to the gut. I felt a lump form in my throat, but I fought it back. "So... we’re done?" I barely recognized the sound of my own voice—small, fragile.
Shotaro reached out, his hand brushing against mine. "I don’t want to leave, Chanyoung. But I have to. And I don’t know what this means for us. I hate that I’m leaving you like this."
I swallowed hard, blinking back tears that threatened to spill. I wanted to say something, anything to make this feel less final, but the words weren’t there. Everything felt so... empty.
His words hit me hard, like a cold wave crashing over me. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes, but I fought them back. This wasn’t how I wanted to feel, and definitely not how I wanted to react. I’d been so sure of us, but now... now everything felt uncertain.
"I don’t know if it’s over, Chanyoung... but I have to go back. I have no choice. I wish it wasn’t like this. I really do."
I felt a lump rise in my throat. "So, what does that mean for us? I mean... are you saying goodbye?" I hated how desperate my voice sounded, but I couldn’t stop it. "You’re just... leaving, and I won’t see you again?"
It hurt so much, he was my first boyfriend, the first person I really liked and made me feel worthy of anything.
"I’m not saying goodbye forever. I’m saying goodbye for now," he said softly, his thumb brushing against my skin. "I don't know what the future holds. But I can’t keep pretending like everything is okay when it’s not."
I shook my head, the confusion swirling inside me. "But we were good, weren’t we? I mean, you said we were good. I don’t understand."
"We were," he agreed, his voice full of regret. "We were amazing, actually. But sometimes life doesn’t care about what we want. It just... happens, and we have to deal with it. I don’t want to leave you like this, but I don’t have the strength to keep pretending either. I need to figure things out."
A cold silence hung between us, thick with unspoken feelings and fading moments. I wanted to scream, to fight for us, but I couldn’t bring myself to. All I could do was nod, even if my heart was breaking inside.
"Then... when do you leave?" I asked, feeling my chest tighten. I knew the answer, but I still had to ask.
"Next week" Shotaro replied quietly. "I just wanted to say goodbye properly, to you. I didn’t want to leave without talking about it."
Next week. The word echoed in my mind, like a countdown, a reminder that everything was slipping away faster than I could hold on.
I couldn’t meet his eyes anymore. The weight of the situation was too much, and I felt like I was being crushed under it. "I don’t know what to say," I admitted, my voice small, barely a whisper. "I don’t want you to go."
He pulled me into a hug, holding me tightly. "I don’t know how to make it work either, Chany," he murmured into my hair. "But I’ll never forget you. I promise."
“Please dont go.” I couldnt hold the tears anymore when he hugged me and I could feel his warm again, how it really feels and how I would never feel anymore.
I wanted to believe him. I really did. But in that moment, all I could feel was the emptiness that was slowly taking over. The warmth of his embrace only made the cold reality of his departure feel even sharper.
We stayed like that for a while, neither of us saying anything, just holding on to each other in silence. And when the time finally came for us to pull away, I knew things would never be the same.
As I walked back to my house, my thoughts were a blur. I couldn’t quite understand how something so beautiful could end so suddenly. I was never going to get over it.
—------------------------------------
I guess I didnt, life just grew around it, but that feeling was always around the corner.
That night, I offered to close the coffeehouse, taking on the task of cleaning up after everyone had left. Sungchan had already pushed his way out the door, and I was left alone in the quiet of the empty shop. I couldn’t help but feel grateful for my friends. They were really great.
As I was du Shotaro the place, my eyes landed on the snow globe. It had been a while since I’d really looked at it, and the thoughts that surfaced when I did almost had me staggering. I caught myself on the counter, my breath a little shaky as I took a couple of deep breaths.
That counter that still reminds me of him.
I’d seen plenty of people make wishes with it before, but I always shrugged it off. It seemed like something silly. But now, standing there with it in my hands, it felt like it was my turn.
With a deep breath, I stood up straight and walked over to the snow globe. I picked it up and watched the tiny figures inside swirl around, the flakes floating in the water. It was so carefree, so light. It was the opposite of how I was feeling right now.
Finally, I closed my eyes and shook the globe. I just needed one thing to feel completed.
When I opened my eyes, I placed the snow globe back down, a frown pulling at my face. This is so silly, wishing on a snowglobe, but wishing for a man back is even more silly I guess.
I quickly finished cleaning up, turned off the lights, and locked the door behind me. The cold night air hit me as I stepped outside, and I walked away, my mind still lingering on the wish I had made.
Time flew by. In the blink of an eye, Christmas Eve was next Tuesday. The whole town was decorated, lit and seemed to nearly breathe in Christmas. My friends were working hard on some charity project.
Wonbin called me inviting me to help them get the christmas cookies ready, they needed to get a lot done by the evening. I walked into Wonbin's house, the delicious scent of freshly baked cookies already filling the air.
The kitchen was a mess, flour dusting every surface, and everyone was working together in a cozy chaos. It felt like something out of a holiday movie—laughter, the clink of bowls, and the warmth of the oven. It was a beautiful sight, but one that also stirred something in me, something I wasn’t quite ready to face.
I joined the group, and as I worked alongside everyone, rolling out dough and cutting out shapes, I couldn't help but notice how natural it all felt. But there was a gnawing ache in my chest, a reminder of him
That Christmas we spent together, baking cookies, laughing, sharing stories. The way his hands would brush against mine as we kneaded dough, the way he'd smile at me like I was the only one in the room, the way his laugh would echo in the kitchen as we made a mess of flour—those memories felt so distant now.
Sohee got me out of my mind screaming that he needed the pink food dye from the top shelf. Silly guy,
The cookies were finally done after a while, and the smell of sugar and cinnamon filled the house, We packed the cookies into large boxes, ready to be delivered to the local foster children's home. I always loved this part of Christmas—seeing the joy on their faces when they received something sweet, especially after the year they'd had. It felt good to give back, and I was grateful to be a part of it.
Everyone bundled up, ready to head out, and we piled into the car, the boxes of cookies taking up the backseat. The town looked beautiful under the Christmas lights, the streets lined with decorations, and the cold air nipping at my cheeks as we made our way to the foster home.
When we arrived, the children were already gathered in the main hall, eagerly waiting for us. There was a buzz of excitement in the air as they saw the cookies, their faces lighting up in delight. I felt a warmth spread through me, seeing their happiness, but there was an unfamiliar sense of discomfort in the pit of my stomach. I couldn't quite place it. Maybe it was because, for the first time in a long time, I was surrounded by so many people, but I still felt so alone.
The group made its way inside, handing out cookies and sharing stories with the kids, but I found myself lingering near the back, my eyes drifting over the crowd. That’s when I saw him.
Shotaro.
My heart skipped a beat, and for a moment, I couldn’t breathe. He was standing by the stage, talking to one of the social workers, his broad shoulders and familiar posture unmistakable. It felt like I was seeing a ghost, like the past had suddenly come crashing into the present, and I was left standing there, frozen.
I hadn’t expected to run into him, especially not here, of all places. It had been months since we last spoke. He looked different, has he seen any of my messages?
I stood there, watching him for a few moments, unsure of what to do. Should I approach him? Should I pretend I hadn’t seen him? But before I could make a decision, he turned and his gaze landed on me.
His expression faltered for just a second, a flicker of surprise crossing his features before he quickly masked it with a smile. "Chanyoung," he said, his voice warm but distant. He took a step toward me, like he was unsure if he should.
I swallowed hard, trying to steady myself, but my heart was racing. " Shotaro," I replied, my voice sounding smaller than I intended.
There was a long silence between us, neither of us sure of what to say. The last time we’d spoken, it had been filled with all kinds of unresolved emotions, and now, standing in front of him, it felt like the air between us was thick with all those unspoken words.
“You’re so… different” He said, his hands shoved into the pockets of his jacket, his eyes searching all over me, like I was a stranger.
“Just a bit taller.”
“Definitely no.” He laughed.
I nodded, trying to keep my composure. "I’m helping out with the cookies. We, uh, do this every year." I tried explaining myself so he could do the same.
He nodded, glancing over his shoulder at the kids. “It’s good. They deserve some joy.”
I agreed, but the words felt hollow coming from me, like they were just something I had to say. “Yeah, they do.”
The silence stretched on again, and I could feel the weight of everything between us—the memories, the pain, the unfinished conversations. I wanted to ask him how he was, what had happened since he left, but I wasn’t sure I was ready for the answers.
Shotaro shifted, his eyes flicking back to me. “I, uh… I’m sorry,” he said, his voice quieter now. “I came today, it was short-notice.”
I felt a lump form in my throat as he spoke, and I struggled to hold onto my composure. His words were so raw, so vulnerable, and it caught me off guard. For a moment, I didn’t know how to respond. The weight of everything that had happened between us felt like it had suddenly come rushing back, like I could almost taste the bitterness of the past and the longing that had been buried deep inside me.
"I wasn’t sure if I should reach out," he continued, his gaze dropping to the floor for a moment before meeting mine again. "I didn’t know if you’d even want to hear from me after everything that happened." His voice was soft, almost hesitant, like he was walking on eggshells, unsure if he was allowed to apologize or if it was too late.
I swallowed hard, the ache in my chest growing. It was hard to hear him speak like this. I had spent so many months trying to push him out of my head, trying to convince myself that I was okay without him. But the truth was, I wasn’t. Not really. And seeing him now, standing in front of me, it all came flooding back.
"You don’t have to apologize," I said, my voice steadier than I felt. "I don’t even know what happened between us, to be honest. One moment, everything felt fine, and the next—" I stopped myself, unsure if I wanted to go down that road again. "It doesn’t matter now. What’s important is... is that you’re here."
He nodded slowly, his expression unreadable.
“How have you been?” He changed the topic, making me a little sad.
“Did you get my messages, last week?”
“Ah? No? Have you sent me anything?”
I blinked, surprised by his response. "You... haven't seen them?" I asked, trying to keep the disappointment from creeping into my voice. It was cringe, but if he had seen it and replied, we could have talked.
“I dont have that number anymore, my last phone got crashed.” He laughed. “Im using this one now, its so old but I dont have the money to buy another one right now.” Shotaro showed me the mobile, the screen was a little scratched and it really looked like an old model.
“How much time will you stay here? Why did you come?”
"I’m staying for a bit," he said softly, his eyes scanning the crowd of kids. "I got an opportunity, but Im not sure where it will led me."
I nodded, my chest tightening. The weight of his words hung heavy in the air, and I could feel the tension between us, like we were both trying to navigate something fragile. I wanted to ask him more about what had happened, where he had been, but something in me held back. Maybe it was fear—fear of opening old wounds, of realizing that what we had was really over.
“Where will you stay at?”
“So many questions, Chany.” he sighed. “At a hotel I guess, I need to talk with my agency.”
“You can stay at my dorm.” I said. “I mean, I got one near college, where will you work at?”
“Okay…” he smiled, not answering me completely. “I will talk to you in a second okay? Don’t go anywhere.”
I watched him walk away, disappearing into the crowd of kids, and I was left standing there, trying to steady the rapid beating of my heart. I wasn’t sure what to do with myself. His sudden reappearance had thrown me off balance, and I felt a nervous tension coil in my chest.
I couldn’t help but replay our conversation in my head. He didn’t have my messages. He was staying at a hotel. And yet, despite everything that had happened between us, he’d agreed to come back to my dorm. My mind was racing, wondering what this could mean. Was this just a moment of nostalgia for him? Or did he feel the same tension, the same yearning I couldn’t shake?
I shook my head, trying to clear the thoughts that were swirling in my mind. I needed to focus. Shotaro was here, and I had invited him to stay at my place. I had no idea what the night would bring, but all I knew was that I didn’t want to mess it up.
The minutes dragged on like hours as I waited for him to return. I kept glancing at my phone, checking the time, wondering if he had changed his mind. What if he felt awkward? What if he didn’t want to spend time with me after all this time? My nerves were getting the better of me. I stood by the door, my hands clasped together, trying to calm myself down.
The sound of footsteps broke me from my thoughts, and I looked up to see Shotaro walking back toward me, his expression a little more relaxed now. He seemed like he was deep in thought, as if he had something to say but was hesitant to speak.
"Hey," I said, my voice coming out softer than I intended, "You ready to go?"
He nodded, running a hand through his hair. "Yeah, let’s head out."
We walked in silence for a while, side by side. The cold air of the evening nipped at my skin, but I barely noticed it, too caught up in the quiet tension between us. My heart was still hammering in my chest, and I could feel the weight of everything unsaid hanging between us. What were we supposed to say now? How were we supposed to act after all the time that had passed?
The streets were quiet, the Christmas lights casting a soft glow over the sidewalks, but it didn’t quite reach the distance between us. I looked over at him occasionally, and he would catch my gaze and smile, but it didn’t feel like the old, easy smiles we used to share. This felt different—heavier, uncertain.
Finally, we arrived at my dorm. I fumbled with my keys for a moment before opening the door, and I stepped aside for him to enter first. My stomach was a mess of nerves as I followed him inside. It was strange, having him here again, like something from the past had come back to life.
I didn’t know what I was expecting. I had invited him here to try and reconnect, but now that he was here, I wasn’t sure where we went from this point forward. The silence between us felt thick, almost uncomfortable, but neither of us seemed to want to break it.
Shotaro finally turned to face me as I closed the door behind me. His eyes were searching mine, and I could see the same uncertainty in his expression that I felt.
"Thanks for letting me stay," he said softly, his hands stuffed into his pockets again.
I nodded, my heart aching. "Of course. You don’t have to thank me."
He chuckled, though it didn’t quite reach his eyes. "Guess we’ll see how this goes."
I gave him a small smile, trying to ease the tension in the room. "Yeah. We will."
He sat down on the couch, and I joined him, both of us awkwardly shifting as we tried to find some semblance of normal. It was like we were two strangers trying to navigate a space that once felt like home.
"Do you want anything to drink?" I asked, trying to break the silence.
He shook his head. "No, I’m good."
I nodded, feeling the tension between us like a living, breathing thing. We sat there for a while, neither of us speaking, just the sound of our breathing filling the space.
I wanted to tell him how much I had missed him, how much I regretted how things ended between us, but the words caught in my throat. So instead, I just sat there, wishing for the ease we used to have, the comfort of simply being together.
“You still very shy, aren't you?”
“Hm?”
“You’re so different, I always imagined that you would grow up and be even more pretty, but not as much as this.”
There I was, blushing over him even after years. His words hung in the air, pulling me closer to him, making my heart race in a way I hadn’t felt in so long. I looked at him, trying to hide the warmth creeping up my neck, but the soft smile on his face made it impossible to ignore the way he was making me feel.
“You’re not so bad yourself,” I replied quietly, my voice betraying the nervousness I was trying to hide. I shifted uncomfortably on the couch, my fingers brushing against the fabric of the cushions. It felt like the space between us was charged, like there was so much unsaid, so much unfinished.
Shotaro’s gaze softened, and for a brief moment, I saw something in his eyes that made my breath catch—a flicker of something familiar, something that had always been there between us. The tension was palpable now, thick with longing and the weight of everything we had never resolved.
He leaned in slightly, his voice dropping to a quieter tone. “I’ve missed you, you know.” The words were simple, but they sent a shiver down my spine. It was the truth, one that I had buried for so long, but hearing him say it made everything feel more real. I couldn’t ignore it anymore.
I swallowed, trying to steady myself, but my heart was in my throat. “I’ve missed you too,” I whispered, and as the words left my lips, the distance between us seemed to close in an instant.
Before I could fully process what was happening, he was there—his lips brushing against mine in a tentative, almost hesitant kiss. I froze at first, unsure if this was really happening, but then something inside me let go. I leaned into the kiss, my hands reaching up, fingers threading through his hair, pulling him closer. The kiss deepened, and all the years of longing, of missing him, flooded back in a rush.
When we finally pulled away, breathless, I couldn’t look at him right away. The warmth of his presence was overwhelming, and I needed a moment to process everything that had just happened. My heart was racing in my chest, and I could feel the familiar ache of wanting something more, something that had always been just out of reach.
Shotaro's voice broke the silence, soft and filled with that same vulnerability that had been in his eyes earlier. "Are we... are we doing this again?" he asked, his words hesitant but hopeful.
I didn’t know how to answer. My mind was spinning, torn between the fear of diving back into something so messy and the undeniable pull I still felt toward him. But when I looked at him, saw that same warmth in his eyes, I knew that the answer was already there, buried deep inside me.
“I don’t know,” I said honestly, my voice barely above a whisper. "But... I want to try."
Shotaro nodded, a small smile tugging at his lips, though it didn’t quite reach his eyes. "Yeah. Me too."
We spent the rest of the night talking, kissing, cuddling. The more we talked, the more the distance between us seemed to shrink, until it felt like we were back to where we had been before—laughing over silly things, sharing memories, and feeling a little less alone in the world.
Later that night, as I lay in bed, I couldn’t help but think about the snow globe. I remembered the wish I’d made, the one I had thought was so silly. But now, with him sleeping on top of me, putting his whole weight on my body, making me feel warm again, maybe it wasn’t so silly after all. Life had just unfolded in ways I hadn’t expected, and what felt like a wish had been the universe’s way of guiding me back to something I had always wanted.
It's all good, it's all good, it's all good