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Intimacy was always something hard for Matthias, yet he yearned for it unlike any other. The idea of someone viewing his naked, sickly looking body, and thinking it was worthy of such a lustful act sent the brunette into a hunger he let no one satisfy. His insecurity in himself pushed many past partners away, but Matthias couldn’t help it, he couldn’t help the sickening feeling in his stomach at the very thought of showing his bare skin to another, he didn’t want anyone to have the inconvenience of laying their eyes on him.
His bare skin that was pale as snow and full of ugly, red, darkened, scars that were filled with sinful secrets of the past. Matthias felt ugly, hideous even. A miserable mistake God had the misfortune of placing on this earth. Matthias felt so incredibly undeserving, unlovable, well. That until he met him , Mike Morton.
Mike was the light to his shadow, the warmth to his coldness. Where Matthias shied away, Mike leaned in, curious, and patient. His boyfriend was kind in ways Matthias couldn’t even fathom. Calling him names that sent his heart blazing, the brunette had never felt so loved, so wanted, in his life. It was almost overwhelming, but Matthias was grateful nonetheless.
So, why does he feel so tainted when the blonde is kissing down his neck? They’d both just came back from a particularly successful match, and Mike felt like celebrating. The kisses started off innocent like any other they’ve shared, featherlight pecks, hushed whispers making the puppeteer flush red. As soon as they hit the bed was when Mikes kisses became more frenetic, full of desperation, little whines dripping from the blonde’s mouth like honey. Matthias could just lay there, hands on his boyfriend waist rubbing soothing circles against the fabric of Mike’s shirt. Kissing back with a silly smile against Mike’s soft lips, a sharp contrast against his chapped ones, but, neither of them minded.
Lost in the heavy haze of desire, Matthias didn’t realize the severity of the situation until lips lowered and hands began to reach up his stomach under his shirt. No , he flinches away feeling the weight of Mike’s hands freeze instantly, retreating as if they’d burned him. No, he can’t let Mike see him like that, raw, unfiltered with his flaws on full display. Matthias can feel his eyes tearing up, he can’t, he just can’t. What if Mike is disgusted? No.. no, no, he can’t lose him, not Mike, he can’t, he can’t—!
Matthias’s chest rose and fell rapidly, his heart pounding as the sensuality in the air dissipated, replaced by a suffocating wave of panic. Mike’s golden brows furrowed as his warm, worried eyes searched Matthias’s face. “Hey, hey,” he said softly, voice laced with concern. “What’s wrong?”. The blonde moves his hands to caress the puppeteer’s cheeks but the other just pulls away. Matthias couldn’t bring himself to answer. His throat felt tight, his mind spiraling into every possible scenario of rejection and disgust.
“Can’t—! You ca— can’t see me!” Is what he finally spits out. Tears are now spilling from Matthias like waterfalls, and all he can do right now is bury his face in his knees in front of the man of dreams, God, he feels so pathetic, crying like a baby. “Don’t want you to leave— please.. don’t lea— hic leave me.”
“Matthias, my love please look at me..” he said gently, his voice steady but soft. But Matthias didn’t, he just couldn’t. He shook his head vehemently, clutching his knees tighter as though they could shield him from the vulnerability threatening to swallow him whole. Mike didn’t push. He didn’t pull Matthias closer or try to pry him open. Instead, he sank down beside him, careful to keep his movements slow and non-threatening. “I’m here sweetness, ‘m not going anywhere,” the acrobat whispers loud enough for his partner to hear, his tone is soothing, sending the other into solace. Mike always had that effect on him.
“You’re gonna leave, you’re gonna see me and leave..” Matthias sniffled, the hiccuping sobs beginning to subside, though his face remained hidden. “No” Mike said firmly, “I’m not, I’ll never leave you Matthias.” The blonde comforts, giving a gentle smile.
“You don’t get it..” He croaks, finally peeking out from behind his knees, his tear-streaked face glistening in the dim light of the room. “It’s ugly Mike, I’m ugly..” That makes Mike’s heart break, the blonde had always knew about his puppeteer’s insecurities, but he never knew it was this bad. He reached out a hand, not to touch, but to let it hover, waiting for permission.
“Matthias,” he said even softer now, “you are not ugly. Not to me. Not ever.” Matthias hesitated, his eyes darting between Mike’s hovering hand and his face, searching for any trace of pity or dishonesty. But all he found was love, pure and steady. Slowly, shakily, he allowed himself to reach out, placing his trembling hand in Mike’s. The blonde’s fingers closed around his, warm and reassuring.
“It’s scary..” Matthias admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. “I know,” Mike replied, his thumb brushing over Matthias’s knuckles. “And it’s okay to be scared. But you don’t have to be scared with me. I love you in ways words cannot fully express, I want to be able to see you, Matthias. Not just the parts you’re proud of, all of you.” The acrobat places a gentle kiss on the pale hand, “But, if you’re not ready, I understand. We don’t have to be intimate if it scares you my love, I just want you to be able to trust me. My Matthias.”
Matthias’s heart ached at the sincerity in Mike’s words. “I do trust you,” which isn’t a lie, the puppeteer truly trusts this boy with his life. But, it’s just moments like these, the dangerously intimate where his thoughts overtake his every being with doubts and deception. He knows Mike will never hurt him, he just can’t help his mind from thinking otherwise. “I don’t— I’m just, not ready, not now at least. But one day, můj anděl, I promise you.”
“Don’t force it matty, when you’re ready you’re ready okay?”, Mike carefully pulls himself up, “I might be the impatient one here but I can wait, for as long as you need.” He kisses his forehead, and Matthias almost bursts into tears again at the honesty.
“Thank you, můj anděl.” Matthias choked out, his voice thick with emotion. Mike leaned forward slightly, just enough to rest his forehead against Matthias’s. It was a simple gesture, but it carried a depth of intimacy that didn’t demand anything more than what Matthias could give. “Don’t thank me, silly. Loving you isn’t something I do expecting gratitude from you, It’s just… you. All of you” Mike murmured, his voice gentle and kind. Matthias has never felt this kind of love before, and he’s beyond grateful.
He sniffles, a few stray tears falling down his face causing the blonde’s eyes to widen with worry. “Ahh— did I say something? Oh God, I’m sorry matty I—“ Matthias cuts him off with a kiss of his own, “Hush, I’m just thankful.”
-
It’s already been a few months after that interaction and to say Matthias improved would be an understatement, the puppeteer found himself opening up in small, unexpected ways. Such as allowing Mike to see small glimpses of scars he’d usually keep hidden, both physical and emotional. He even started eating a bit more than his usual one meal a day schedule, letting himself to plump up a bit to a healthier weight. It was hard, of course it was hard. But, every crushing hurdle Mike was there. Giving him the same unwavering love and reassurance from that night.
Tonight, he’s ready. He wants to, he needs to touch his boyfriend in ways others could never. He needs to hear his boyfriend call out his name in ways he’ll never call out to anyone else. This is deeper than just lust, it’s trust, love, the raw, unfiltered need to connect Matthias never felt with anyone in his life, he wants it to be with him, his Mike.
Matthias stands in front of his bathroom mirror, staring at his reflection. The familiar wave of disgust tries to claw its way up his chest, but he takes a deep breath and steadies himself. His body is bare, his underwear the only thing stopping him from being completely naked. The puppeteer runs his hands down his torso, tracing the pale ridges of his scars, the dips and contours of his body that he’s spent years hating.
Will he find it disgusting? Tasteless thoughts fill his mind. No, he’s seen them before, he never seemed to care. Matthias reassures himself, thinking back to when he hesitantly allowed the acrobat to see glimpses of his scars in the past. Mike had never flinched, never winced, never looked at him with pity or disgust. Instead, his eyes had been full of something Matthias didn’t know how to process, something heavier than love.
But, yet again, the blonde had never seen him fully naked before. What if when he sees him on full display, all of him, all at once, will he find him sickening ? “Goodness, mlč prosím..” Matthias groans, his head falling into his hands as he tries force the thought out from his mind. Mike never cared about his scars then, he wouldn’t care now. Matthias repeats in his mind like a mantra, it feels fragile, as if the thought might shatter under the weight of his self doubt.
Everything will be okay, he will be okay. Louis is even at a sleepover with memory and that little axe boy from the hunters side, so the puppeteer won’t have to worry about the little one disturbing him. Mike will come back from his match to see him and everything will be okay, perfect even. It’ll be fine, it’ll be fine, it’ll be fine, it’ll be fineuughhhh.. Matthias forcefully twists the faucet to his sink to splash cold water at himself, desperately trying to drown out any doubt from within.
He’s fine, he’sfinehe’sfinehe’sfinehe’sfine— “Matty!” Mikes cheerful voice cuts through the room and Matthias’s heart fucking drops . The reality of the situation weighing down on him like bricks. His hands grip the edge of the sink, knuckles white as he stares at his reflection, water dripping from his chin. He’s here, hovno, He’s here!
“Matty? You in there?” Mike’s voice is closer now, soft but curious, the sound of his footsteps growing louder and louder making the puppeteer’s chest stammer in panic, the rattling coming from the doorknob only making it worse. “Don’t—!” Matthias pushes all his weight on the door as if to keep it closed, “Don’t come in! Please don’t come in.. Mike.” Matthias pleads, voice heavy with emotion. God, what’s wrong with him? He was so ready, so prepared, why is he hesitating?
The rattling at the doorknob stops, and silence falls between them. Matthias presses his forehead, hot against the cool surface of the door, his breath is ragged. He can feel his heart pounding in his chest, the pressure of his own panic threatening to crush him. “Matthias,” Mike’s voice comes softly through the door, calm and steady. “Talk to me lovely, What’s wrong?” Matthias squeezes his eyes shut, biting down hard on his trembling lip trying his best to steady himself enough to respond.
“I don’t— I don’t know Mike I—“ A strong sob breaks through his lips, tears spilling over despite his attempts to hold them back. “I was ready I—I thought I was ready I— Mike I’m so sorry I just—“
“Hey, hey, slow down,” Mike interrupts gently, his voice being the anchor to the whirlwind of his mind. “You have no need to apologize, okay? Whatever’s going on, it’s okay. I’m here for you Matthias. Take your time.” The sincerity in the blonde’s tone sends a fresh wave of tears streaming down Matthias’s face. He doesn’t deserve this kindness, this patience, this love . Not when he can’t even bring himself to open the damn door.
“I’m scared.” Matthias finally admits after a moment of silence, but the acrobat doesn’t respond, giving the puppeteer the time he needs to collect his thoughts and continue. “I wanted to be perfect for you.” His voice trembles, “I wanted to give you everything this night, but now— now I can’t even—” He cuts himself off, burying his face in his hands as a fresh wave of shame washes over him.
“Matthias.” The sound of Mikes voice grounding him. “Listen to me, you don’t have to be perfect. I don’t want perfect Matthias, I want you. All of you, just as you are.“ Matthias swallows hard, his hands falling away from his face. Hovering his fingers over the lock, trembling as he hesitates. “You’re not going to hate me, will you..? You won’t leave me?”he whispers, his voice so small it’s almost lost, but Mike catches it, he always does. “Matthias, I could never leave you, never.” Mike replies without missing a beat, and that was all the reassurance the puppeteer needed to hear.
With shaky hands Matthias finally unlocks the door, his heart pounding so loudly he can barely hear it opening. Head hung low, avoiding the blue hues trying to find his warm brown one. He just stands there, vulnerable and exposed, his arms wrapped tightly, protectively around himself. Mike doesn’t move at first, and the silence between them is sickening . God, he knew he should’ve never done this, he should’ve known how utterly unlovable he looks. Matthias already feels tears forming again until the blonde reaches a hand out, feeling the heat of it hovering near his cheek.
“Can I?” Mike asks softly, waiting for permission. Matthias takes a moment, trying to find any malice laced in the other’s voice, but none he found. The puppeteer gives the smallest of nods. It’s barely noticeable, but it’s enough for Mike to close the gap, fingers brushing against the brunette’s cheek causing him to flinch ever so slightly at the touch. But Mike’s thumb moves in slow, soothing circles, grounding him. Lowering the other’s face to reach his, and once their eyes finally meet, Mike smiles. “There you are, my gorgeous boy. ” Matthias fucking melts .
The words make his chest tighten, the overwhelming emotion spilling over in the form of fresh tears. “I look like a mess Mike, such a mess… how—“ a kiss cuts him off, it isn’t hurried or desperate, it’s tender, filled with a quiet reassurance that Matthias doesn’t even realize he’s been yearning for. “You’re beautiful, and you’re mine.” Mike’s other hand comes up, cupping Matthias’s face fully now. “ All mine.”
“Yours..” Matthias breathes out, eyelids heavy with the haze of desire fogging their brains. Lips meeting again, this time longer, hungrier, a mix of eagerness and love in their dance. The puppeteer’s arms now rapping itself around the acrobat’s torso, letting his walls down, one by one. Mike can feel the shift in Matthias, the way his body relaxes ever so slightly against him, the trembling tension in his shoulders easing as he lets himself be held. It’s a surrender of trust, and it makes Mike’s chest ache with love.
The acrobat’s hand slides up Matthias’s hair, tugging it just enough to draw out a soft whine. The blonde takes that as an opportunity to map out the brunette’s mouth with his tongue causing the other’s eye to wide at the sudden movement, moaning at the feeling of his boyfriend licking him up. Mike’s other hand falls to his sides, never rushing, never demanding, just mapping out the planes of his body like he’s memorizing every inch of him, all his scars, all his insecurities with adoration.
Eventually, they pull away gasping for air. Eyes glossy staring at each other with admiration. “Matthias, are you sure want to do this?” The blonde questions, but Matthias just can’t find his voice. He’s breathless, but God , is he needy. Nodding rapidly with a pleading look in his eye, causing the other to chuckle in response. “Words baby.” Mike whispers in his ear, almost making the others knees buckle at his lustful tone, “ple— please, I need it.” Mike only hums, blue orbs never leaving the puppeteer’s as he tilts his head. “What do you need, Matthias? ” The brunette’s hold tightens around him, eyebrows furrowing as he lets out breathy whines, oh fuck he needs him so bad . “Need— need to be inside you, please Mike please ..” Matthias finally draws out, face flushing at his own words. Mike’s breath hitches, his usual playful demeanor faltering for just a moment as Matthias’s words sink in. “God matty.. ”
The sound of wet, sloppy kissing echoes through the room. Hands roaming each other in a desperate need of warmth as the two men stumble to the bed. Matthias falls back with a huff, abruptly hitting the softness of his sheets. Mike follows soon after, crawling on top of the other, straddling the brunette’s lap. There’s stars in Matthias’s eye as he watches the acrobat raise his shirt over his head, revealing his toned stomach. There’s freckles littering down his body, Matthias didn’t even know they traveled so far out but goodness was it beautiful.
Next were his pants, fingers hook into the waistband of them, his movements unhurried but deliberate, teasingly pulling them down. Mike watches Matthias’s face closely, gauging his reaction with every inch of skin revealed. It almost makes the blonde laugh, it’s like a victorian man seeing ankles for the first time. “Like whatcha see?” Mike’s voice is playful and teasing, though there’s a faint flush dusting his cheeks. Matthias gulps, swallowing hard, his voice barely above a whisper as he responds. “Can’t help it.. you’re stunning láska..”
The words hit Mike harder than he expects, and his teasing grin softens into something more tender. “Mm, says the man who looks like a dream himself~” he counters, leaning down to brush his lips against Matthias’s. Their kisses grow more fervent, and soon enough, Mike kicks off his pants, leaving him and the brunette in just their undergarments. Matthias’s gaze roams over him, taking in every detail of the man he loves. But when Mike’s hands move to tug at Matthias’s underwear, the puppeteer stiffens for just a moment. Oh God, this is really happening..
“You all good matty?” Mike notices immediately, movements stopping completely, “we can always stop if you’re not ready my love..” Matthias truly does have the best boyfriend ever. Taking a deep breath the brunette moves his trembling hands on the blonde’s waist, skin warm and tan, a perfect contrast to his cold and pale. “No.. I want this, I’m just— you know, not experienced..” Matthias turns his head to the side avoiding the other’s gaze, cheeks burning with embarrassment. The breathy giggle Mike lets out is close to angelical, face flushing even more once he feels soft lips pecking at his temple. “Then let me take care of you, Matty. We’ll go slow, okay? You tell me if you need me to stop, and I will.” Matthias moves to meet the others, gentle, soft eyes, nearly getting lost in them. “ Okay ..”
Tan hands resume their journey down Matthias’s body, looking at the other once more for confirmation. After an eager nod the acrobat wastes no time in removing the other’s underwear, dick springing out from its imprisonment already at its full hardness, leaking with pre at the tip. Mike didn’t know he had such an effect on him. “God, you’re gonna make my ego skyrocket.” The blonde chuckles, eyeing the length. “We’ve barely done anything and you’re already so hard.” That makes the puppeteer whimper, and that noise makes Mike feel something animalistic awaken inside of him.
“Did I do that baby? Do I really get you that hard?” Faux innocence drips from the acrobat’s mouth, teasing eyes sparkling as he looks down at the other. Matthias can only nod, voice lodged in his throat. “Words Matthias~” Mike leans down to seductively whisper in his ear, licking a long stripe against it making the other shiver. “ Ye—yes ..” he whines out, satisfying the blonde with his response. “Talk to me gorgeous , what do you want me to do to you hmm?” Slender fingers trace gentle patterns on the brunette’s chest, nuzzling him as the blonde waits for him to answer. “Touch me down there.. it hurts mikey please ..” Matthias keens, breath heavy. Mike sits back up, looking down at the needy man beneath him with a raised eyebrow, “here?” Mike trails his hands down to his abdomen and stays there, gently scratching along the way to their destination. The sensation makes the other wiggle slightly under him.
“No.. you know..” Matthias feels the familiar wave of embarrassment starting to wash over him. “Hmmm, nope! I don’t think I do.” The puppeteer only stares in horror, this man is gonna kill him. “Hhgh.. don’t make me say it mikey..” But the acrobat’s expression never falters, only tilting his head to further express his false confusion. Truly a performer at heart he thinks. “Say what matty? I donno what you mean unless you spit it out.” His voice is laced with lewdness that only confirms to Matthias that he’s doing this to tease him, how evil !
“My.. my di— please touch my dick ..” The brunette barely even whispers, face turning a bright red that makes Mike stifle a laugh. Ah, his boyfriend is so cute. He wants to tease him more, make him beg just a little longer to the point of tears, but he gives him grace. It is his first time after all.
Finally, the blonde moves his hand from Matthias’s abdomen to rap around his cock. And Matthias gasps, his good eye widening as his head falls back into the push pillows. Sure he touched himself before, plenty of times in the past, but his hands are nothing compared to the ones around him right now. Mike’s touch is electric against the brunette’s skin, slow strokes sending shocks of pleasure down his spine. Matthias’s moans are soft, whiny, desperate causing Mike’s own boxers to tighten.
“Mmhmm— mikehaahh ..~” The sound forces a whine out of the blonde, his eyes glossy with thirst watching the other crumble beneath him. “Is this good baby?” He questions, his voice carrying a sensual tone that only adds another layer of pleasure to the brunette’s euphoria. “Sssoo g—good můj anděli.. uuahh t— tak úžasné.” Matthias’s hands grip the sheets beneath him, knuckles nearly turning white at the pressure. “Faster.. please— uaghh. moreee. .” And who is Mike to decline, especially when he asked so sweetly ?
Moans grow louder as the pace quickness, pre cum smothered wet around his cock making it easier for the acrobat to flick his wrist. Mike then shifts his weight on Matthias’s thigh, straddling it, grinding down on him. Using his free hand to steady himself. Hips matching the rhythm of his hands quickly. Closing his eyes Mike lets his mouth hang open, body moving faster getting lost in his own world of pleasure. “ Matthiass ..” The blonde moans out, voice filled with such need making the brunette’s cock twitch. Matthias’s head snaps back to stare at the sight above him, and my God. It’s almost enough to make Matthias cum right then and there.
Mike’s back arched up, eyebrows furrowed in pleasure, mouth open with drool threatening to fall from the corner. He looks so pretty, so gorgeous, so perfect . And only Matthias had the privilege of seeing the blonde so disheveled, so completely fucked out of his mind, Matthias wanted more . Hands flying to his waist, helping his boyfriend reach a state of ecstasy with him. The sudden action makes the acrobat gasp, bringing his head down to look at the man under him. They lock eyes, and for a moment everything’s quiet, just them, together. So raw, so intimate, two lovers in a dance of trust and love. Fuck he’s close.
Matthias thrusts himself into the blonde’s hand, desperately chasing his release. “Mo— more— gonna ccummhovnnoo~ Mike—!” His hold tightness on the other’s waist, hard enough to know that it’ll leave a bruise, and that gives Matthias a sense of pride. “ Shit~ matty.. me too..” Mike groans, leaning down down to smash their lips together in desperation, the soft moan Mike whimpers out is enough for Matthias to finish completely, Mike following shortly after.
They stay there for a moment, foreheads pressed against each other’s as they catch their breath. The acrobat sits back up, still on the puppeteer’s thigh, making a show of licking Matthias’s cum off his palms. “Augh.. don’t be so vulgar.” He groans at the sight, diverting his gaze elsewhere with a blush littering his cheeks. The sight was erotic, but Matthias is far too tired to go another round. Mike pouts when he realizes this, what a shame, he would’ve loved to have the brunette’s cock inside of him. Well, they always have next time.
“You’re tasty.” He teases, his voice low and sultry. Matthias groans again, throwing an arm over his face in a futile attempt to hide his embarrassment. “Oh enough of it.” he mutters, his tone laced with exasperation. But the softness in his voice and the faint upward curl of his lips, betrays him. Mike chuckles at that, leaning down to plant a quick kiss on the back of Matthias’s hand. “You make it toooo easy Matty.” he says, his voice warm with affection.
They lay there for a bit after Mike replaced his soaked underwear with fresh ones, Matthias arms protectively around the blonde, rubbing soft circles on hand printed bruises his waist is forming. Mike’s draped loosely around his neck breathing in his scent, legs tangled around his own. Relaxing against each other, naked . Matthias never thought this day would come, that he’d be able to let someone in this deeply, let alone be lying here, exposed and vulnerable, yet somehow feeling safe.
“Thank you..” Matthias’s soft voice echoes through the empty room, barely louder than a whisper but enough to break the serene silence between them. Mike shifts slightly against him, lifting his head just a bit to meet the puppeteer’s warm, yet tired gaze. “For what?” Mike asks gently, his voice filled with curiosity and affection. His fingers lazily trace patterns along Matthias’s shoulder, the touch is comforting. Matthias hesitates, his lips parting before closing again. He looks away, almost shy, as if the words are too fragile to say out loud. But with Mike, he knows he can be honest.
“For being patient. For… loving me.” His voice wavers slightly, but his gaze remains steady, vulnerable yet resolute. Mike’s heart aches at the sincerity in Matthias’s words, and a small, soft smile graces his lips. “ Oh, Matthias …” he whispers, leaning forward to nuzzle against his boyfriend’s cheek. “Don’t thank me for that…Loving you is the easiest thing I’ve ever done.” A soft smile graces his lips making the brunette’s breath hitch, his arms instinctively pulling the blonde closer.
“You say that,” Matthias murmurs, “but I’m not exactly an easy person to love.” Mike look back up at him, his expression serious yet tender. “You are to me,” he says firmly. “All of you. Every part of you, even the parts you don’t think are.” Matthias feels his chest tighten, the familiar warmth of tears pooling in his eyes. He buries his face into Mike’s shoulder, unable to hold back the soft sob that escapes him. “I don’t deserve you,” he whispers brokenly but Mike just wraps his arms around him tightly, cradling him as if he’s the most precious thing in the world, and he is .
“You deserve everything, Matthias,” he says, his voice steady and sure. “And I’ll spend the rest of my life proving that to you if I really have to, I love you.” Matthias finds himself smiling at these words, he does truly feel like the luckiest man alive. “I love you too Mike, moc tě miluji.”
They hold each other like that, wrapped in the quiet intimacy of the moment, until the weight of the day pulls them into a peaceful sleep, their hearts beating in perfect harmony.