Archive of Our Own

The small studio sparkled with holiday decorations, the backdrop and ceiling strung with glittering garlands, dangling snowflakes, and shimmering lights that made everything feel magical, like a scene from one of those cheesy Christmas movies Felix and Chan loved so much. The air buzzed with energy as eight bodies tumbled and jostled into position. 

The poor staff attempted to direct the chaos in front of the camera; however, by now, they knew they had little control over the circus of Stray Kids and were resigned. 

Everyone was running on fumes. After their Stray Kids concert in Kyoto the night before, they’d barely managed a few hours of sleep before they were scrambling to get to the studio in Tokyo to film. Tomorrow morning, they’d finally fly home. They were lucky to squeeze in the shoot for the live cover for their Christmas special, with their schedule a relentless blur of tour dates, live broadcasts, appearances, and interviews.

Hyunjin sat on his assigned stool, rolling his shoulders and adjusting his mic one last time. He caught a glimpse of Felix out of the corner of his eye, as usual, the bubbly bleach blonde entirely in his element. 

Across the room, Felix stood near Chan, a permanent grin splitting his face, freckled cheeks flushed pink with the joy of the faux season. They couldn’t exactly film on Christmas, or even close to it; everything was filmed weeks or even months ahead of time, but Felix still managed to look like an elf straight out of a winter wonderland bundled into a white puffer jacket and a fluffy white beanie with cat ears. 

Felix was extra spirited, lilting laughter ringing as he clung to everyone within arms reach at every opportunity, never still. Even now, as the director called for final checks, Felix leaned into Chan, his hand casually resting on Jisung’s arm as they giggled over some inside joke.

Hyunjin redirected his attention to Changbin, who was seated beside him, chest tightening and jaw clenching. Felix had always been like this: naturally cuddly, ready to initiate hugs and snuggle up to someone when the mood struck, spreading warmth wherever he went.  

Of course, it wasn’t lost on Hyunjin that Felix needed affection more during the holidays when most of them could visit their families, even briefly, but Felix never got to fly home this time of year. Neither did Chan. Always some music show or holiday appearance that kept them grounded in Seoul. 

Too many commitments. Too little time. 

And sure, maybe Hyunjin was feeling a little off because Felix had barely spoken to him all day. Or perhaps it was how Felix had been glued to every other member except him for the past two hours. 

The director called a final warning, and there was a mad scramble for seats. Jisung nearly slid off his in his exuberance. Staff darted around, double-checking equipment, fixing hair, and touching-up makeup. Hyunjin sat patiently while one of the makeup noonas dabbed him down. Even after sitting still while the rest of the group had goofed off, Hyunjin was already dripping sweat stuffed into the stifling winter gear for the shoot in a stuffy studio.

When the music began, Hyunjin shook off the spiral of negativity and focused on Chan singing the intro. He counted down to his pre-chorus, calm and stoic for the cameras that tracked their every move. No time to dwell. 

By the second verse, Hyunjin finally relaxed, swaying slightly to the beat and smiling at the other members or winking at the camera to tease Stay. But the moment Felix’s voice floated out, light and clear and so achingly beautiful, Hyunjin felt it in his chest, his pulse kicked.

Focus.

It was ridiculous. He was ridiculous. 

Felix was Felix. Exuberant, affectionate, and completely comfortable with himself. His smile never wavered, his energy infectious. And when he caught Hyunjin’s eye once during the chorus, he winked.

Hyunjin’s heart stuttered in his chest. He swallowed hard and shifted his gaze.

And then, it was over. Seungmin’s final notes rang out, and their shoot wrapped. Their performance had been relatively effortless, harmonies tight with each take. 

The green room burst into a flurry of motion, and the atmosphere was just as festive. Staff congratulated them, the members cheerful, voices overlapping in a rush of post-filming adrenaline. Felix was at the center of the chaos, as always, happily chatting with everyone in reach while they changed and the set wound down. 

Chan pulled Felix into a bear hug, ruffling his hair until Felix laughed, bright and unrestrained. “Our little Lixie, our Christmas angel!” he said as Jisung jumped in, draping his body over Felix’s back. 

Felix beamed, even as he staggered under the weight, radiating happiness as he burst into laughter again.

Like an outsider, Hyunjin lingered at the snack table with Jeongin, watching the scene with a strange ache in his chest. It wasn’t fair to feel this way. He didn’t own Felix’s affections. They weren’t reserved for anyone specific. This was just who Felix was. Their angel. 

Felix needed this. Christmas wasn’t a big deal in Korea, like in Australia or any of the more Christian-oriented countries that celebrated the holiday with grandeur and tradition.

Sure, in Korea, it was a fun day, but it was more geared toward a day off to relax at home or for couples and cozy outings than the deep familial warmth Felix grew up with. For Hyunjin, Christmas had been a quiet affair, and New Year was the grand epic celebration.

Felix had told them stories of his childhood and celebrations filled with light, music, and the overwhelming presence of loved ones—his grandmother. Sprawling feasts, singing carols around the tree, and his sisters. 

Living away from home for so long had left a gap that Felix tried hard to fill with their group. Who was Hyunjin to begrudge him that? Felix deserved love, to be surrounded with joy. This was why Hyunjin had started inviting him home every year since they debuted to celebrate Christmas with his family, even if they couldn’t celebrate precisely on Christmas Day every year. It hadn’t been a grand gesture but something that simply felt right.

And without fail, Felix would light up his family’s home with his bright, sunny cheer, teaching his family to celebrate Christmas the Aussie way, complete with a gift exchange. Hyunjin loved watching Felix bake cookies with his mom and rolled his eyes every time Felix laughed at his dad’s awful jokes. 

“Hyunjin-ah!” Felix suddenly called, eyes sparkling as he dragged a reluctant Seungmin into the growing pile of bodies. His smile was wide and impossibly sweet. “Group hug! Bring Innie!”

Hyunjin hesitated, only for a moment, but it was long enough that Felix tilted his head in that cute way he did when he didn’t quite understand something. 

Unfreezing, Hyunjin looped an arm around Jeongin’s neck and dragged him over to the warmth of the bandmates, arms immediately reeling them into the crush of bodies as chaos erupted again, this time into a full-blown wrestling match.

“Iyen-ah!” Changbin lunged at Jeongin, the maknae yelping as he tried to dart away, only to be caught by the back of his hoodie and yanked back before he could try to escape.

Jeongin protested weakly, drowned out by Changbin’s triumphant laugh as he wrapped their youngest in a bear hug.

Hyunjin was swept into the madness, maneuvered into the center of flailing limbs. He let out a startled laugh, which quickly morphed into a groan when Jisung flopped against him, pinning him against Felix. And then, Minho joined the fray, slipping in behind Jisung, arms snaking around Jisung’s waist as he draped himself over his back and locked him in place.

Chan valiantly tried to wrangle Seungmin, who managed to wiggle free and edge toward the door with a smirk.

“Yah! Seungmin-ah, where do you think you’re going?” Chan shouted over the laughter and protests. But Seungmin smirked wider, dodging Chan with surprising agility.

Meanwhile, Felix pressed into Hyunjin, his shoulder warm against Hyunjin’s chest. The contact, while fleeting, imprinted in his being as Felix laughed, bright and bubbly. Felix turned his head, cheek brushing against Hyunjin’s shoulder as he tipped his head back.

“Hi.” Felix peered shyly up at him through his blonde bangs, cheeks flushed with the excitement and happiness of affection of their members together. 

Hyunjin struggled to focus on the ridiculousness of the situation. Still, all his attention zeroed in on Felix’s, his arms slipping around his tiny waist and allowing himself to melt into his warmth.

“Where is your hand?!” Jisung shrieked, jostling the entire group with his protesting struggles against Minho’s advances. “Oi, oi, jagiya! Yah! Yah!”

Felix giggled, arm hooking around Hyunjin’s waist, returning his hug as he buried his face in Hyunjin’s shoulder. “Merry Christmas, Hyunjin,” Felix said softly, voice barely audible in the din, and just for a moment, Hyunjin’s heart stopped.

But then, the group hug broke apart, and the chaos overflowed. Felix turned to Seungmin, throwing himself at his roommate when Chan managed to wrangle the fleeing stray. Hyunjin lingered, arms falling to his sides, feeling strangely hollow as the others moved on. Felix’s bright laughter ran out, an achingly familiar melody, yet seemingly untouchable.

Hyunjin stared at his phone, the screen casting a faint glow in the dimly lit living room. The group chat pinged every few minutes, a noisy background to the silence in the one conversation thread he desperately wished would light up but remained uncharacteristically silent. He tapped his phone against his palm, waiting, willing it to vibrate with a response. He’d messaged Felix over an hour ago.

“Be ready at 5:45. I’ll pick you up. Mom’s so excited to see you.”

No response. No read receipt. No reply. Just a vast echoing silence.

The group chat was chaotic: Jeongin, Seungmin, and Jisung spammed memes in unending nonsensical war, while Changbin screamed meaningless garbled gibberish, and Minho stuck to his signature of only responding with cat emojis. Business as usual for Stray Kids. No wonder interviewers found it challenging to interview them on a good day. 

Stray Kids had a brief two-day break between their two big music shows for Christmas and New Year’s, and everyone was taking advantage of a mini holiday, except Chan. No real surprise there.

Changbin decided rather magnanimously to treat the two maknaes to Korean BBQ since none of them had family plans until after New Year’s. Hyunjin had to shoo his roommate out of the apartment, assuring Changbin he was fine. He and Felix would head to Hyunjin’s parents’ house in a few hours for their traditional Christmas celebration, where they’d have their own little BBQ.

Minho, of course, had used the break to go home and visit his babies, Jisung tagging along, to absolutely no one’s shock. A pairing so predictable it barely warranted comment.

Only Chan and Felix’s absence in the chat was glaringly obvious, and the lack of Felix’s usual emojis and enthusiastic responses created an eerie void. Chan was presumably buried tits-deep in his laptop, headphones on, lost in his work, and that’s probably how he’d spend his two-day break. Hopefully, Jeongin would manage to drag Chan out to dinner with the others, though their selfless leader would probably wind up paying for the whole lot of them. Changbin would be thrilled that his wallet wouldn’t suffer.

A knot tightened in Hyunjin’s stomach as he checked the private chat with Felix. It was already 5:40, and the van to take them to his parents would be here soon, and still nothing. A knot tightened in his stomach, unease growing.

Something felt off. 

No, something had been off for days, weeks even. Hyunjin’s relationship with Felix, usually so effortless, had never been so strained. The distance that began a month ago had only grown, an uncomfortable silence, and now, Hyunjin was sitting alone in the dark, wondering what he had done wrong.

Felix wasn’t the type to ignore messages, let alone ghost someone, but it was like he had disappeared off the face of the planet, and no one seemed to have noticed. They probably thought he was busy with Hyunjin like he usually was. 

Christmas had been their tradition since their debut; Felix, always an abundance of energy and joy, was warm, giving, and brimming with joy. He always arrived with an armful of extravagant gifts for everyone despite their insistence it was too much. But it meant so much to Felix, who loved to give—his time, attention, money... love.

Hyunjin ran a hand over his freshly buzzed blonde head. The drastic change had been impulsive, born out of a need for something new as they wrapped up their gruelling schedule. A fun surprise for Stay. He wasn’t used to the look yet, but the members loved it, constantly rubbing his head ‘for luck,’ even if most teased him relentlessly about being a golden kiwi. Except Felix.

Actually, now that Hyunjin thought about it, Felix hadn’t even commented on his hair. It was weird. Wildly, since typically, Felix would gush over anything new he would try. Then again, Hyunjin hadn’t mentioned Felix’s new look either—short, sleek black hair that framed his face in a way that made his freckles pop like constellations sprinkled across the sky.

The phone buzzed in his hand. Hyunjin eagerly swiped into his messages, hope surging, but his shoulders fell when he saw a message from the driver telling him he was here to pick him up. 

Shaking off his increasingly negative line of thinking, Hyunjin grabbed his bag with gifts for his parents and Felix and shrugged on his coat. Maybe Felix was napping, gaming, or—he glanced at his phone again, but still no message—perhaps he’d forgotten his phone again.

Either way, if Felix wasn’t answering his texts, Hyunjin would just go over. A little delay wouldn’t kill them. He was probably asleep. Felix had been exhausted lately. They all had. But with his back flaring up, any moment he could rest was good.

The trip to Felix and Seungmin’s apartment only took a few minutes, the winter streets muted by a blanket of snow. None of them lived all that far from each other, less than a five-minute walk. Hyunjin frowned and leaned his head against the cool window of the van, looking up the length of the towering building as if he would catch sight of Felix in a window, and then at his phone again.

Still no response. 

It was fine. He’d just go up and get him. But when Hyunjin finally trudged up to the apartment and knocked sharply on the door, his heart sank when there was no response. He tried again, this time louder. Still nothing. 

Something heavy settled in Hyunjin’s chest. He leaned in close to the door and called, “Yongbok? It’s me. Are you ready?”

Frowning, Hyujin pulled up Felix’s contact, ready to call, but the door cracked open just as he was about to hit call.

Felix peeked out, dressed in sweatpants and an oversized hoodie—Hyunjin’s hoodie, to be precise, that had magically vanished from his dorm ages ago. His freshly dyed black hair was tousled as if he’d only just rolled out of bed, and for a moment, Hyunjin was relieved. Clearly, Felix had just been sleeping. But that hope quickly faded.

But Felix definitely didn’t look like he’d slept. His eyes, puffy and rimmed with the faintest pink, told another story.

“Hyunjin,” Felix said dully, unable to meet Hyunjin’s eyes. Instead, he shifted from one foot to the other and clutched the edge of the door he hid behind.

“Lixie-yah?” Hyunjin’s chest tightened. “What’s wrong? Didn’t you get my message?” 

Felix hesitated, biting his lip. “I don’t think I can come this year.”

Hyunjin blinked, the statement like a physical blow. “Did something happen? Are you okay? Are you sick? Felix?” 

Unconsciously, Hyunjin reached for his best friend. Maybe to check his temperature, maybe to confirm Felix was very much real, alive and breathing in front of him, but Felix stepped back, keeping the door between them. Hyunjin dropped his hand back to his side helplessly. 

“No, nothing like that, I just...” Felix’s voice faltered, eyes finally flickering up to meet Hyunjin’s for the first time, brown eyes dull and lifeless, but that brief moment of contact was gone in seconds. “I think I need some time to myself. I’m tired. I’m just... tired.”

Hyunjin wanted to protest. It didn’t make sense. Tired? They were all tired. Tonight was supposed to be about relaxing and enjoying the holiday. He swallowed, struggling to keep the growing lump in his throat at bay. This wasn’t right. It didn’t make sense.

But his train of thought shifted quickly, suddenly stuck with that terrifying thought that had been developing over the last few weeks, starting with their video shoot a few weeks ago. Their distance. Felix’s reluctance to be close to him, even in private. His conflicting feelings.

“Did I... did I do something?” Hyunjin asked hoarsely, hands shaking, scared to have his horrifying belief confirmed that everything was, in fact, his fault.

“No!” Felix’s voice cracked. “No. No, it’s not you,” he said, eyes squeezing shut. His small fingers tightened around the edge of the door. “It’s not you. You didn’t do anything, Hyunjin. It’s me. I just... I need to figure out what I’m doing. With everything. I can’t keep-”

Suddenly, Felix cut himself off, inhaling sharply and shaking his head, and Hyunjin’s heart pounded in his chest. Nothing made sense. But the pain in Felix’s voice and sadness in his downturned eyes were undeniable. Tears prickled in the corners of Hyunjin’s eyes.

“I can’t explain right now,” Felix whispered after a few long moments of silence. “I just- I’m sorry.”

“Felix,” Hyunjin croaked, instinctively reaching for his best friend to bridge the growing chasm. “Please.”

Felix opened and closed his mouth, then shook his head, shoulders slumping as he stepped back. “I’ll see you after the holidays, okay?”

The door clicked closed with a finality that left Hyunjin trembling in the empty hallway.

Hyunjin stood frozen. It felt like the world had tilted, like something vital had slipped through his fingers, something he couldn’t name. He couldn’t move, mind racing with a million questions that he couldn’t even begin to answer. He didn’t understand. What did he do? How did he fix this? Something was broken.

For now, Felix needed space, and Hyunjin would honour that, even if his heart ached with a coldness like he’d been plunged into an icy river. The idea of spending the holidays without Felix was unbearable, as if a piece of him was missing. But mostly, he was confused.

Hesitating to leave, Hyunjin considered knocking on the door again, but he didn’t, respecting Felix’s choice. Instead, he pulled out his phone and tapped out a quick message.

“If I hurt you, I’m sorry. If you need space, that’s okay, but please tell me how I can help. I’m here, okay?”

And for the first time, the read receipt popped up, leaving Hyunjin more confused than ever before.

The warm, familiar scent of his mother’s cooking greeted Hyunjin as he stepped into his parents’ home, snowflakes still melting on his jacket. He barely made it a step before his mother swept him into a hug, wrapping him in her floral scent like a warm blanket, Kkami yapping frantically as he ran circles around their feet.

“Hyunjin-ah, you’re freezing!” she scolded, fussing with his coat and scarf looped around his neck. 

“Eomma, I’m fine,” he protested, but his lips twitched in a smile.

“And blond again! Look at you,” she said, finally wrestling him out of his winter clothes and hat. “It suits you. So handsome.”

“Looks sharp,” his dad said, engulfing him in his own hug and rubbing his head just like his members had taken to. 

Before Hyunjin could drop his bag, his mother’s gaze darted past him out the open door expectantly. “Where’s Yongbok-ah? He isn’t with you?”

Hyunjin stiffened, the question a punch to the gut. His fingers tightened around the strap of his bag, gaze on the floor as he forced a smile. “Ah... no, he’s not coming this time. Things have been... busy.”

His mother’s hand stilled, her smile faltering as a shadow of disappointment crossed her features just enough to make Hyunjin’s chest ache worse. “Oh. I see. That’s a shame. We always love to have him. It won’t be the same without his energy.”

Hyunjin forced a laugh and reached down to scoop Kkami into a hug, but even he could tell the smile didn’t reach his eyes, and his mother smiled sadly at him. He didn’t have the heart to elaborate on the emotional war brewing beneath the surface, so he muttered a noncommittal answer about Felix needing rest, and their busy schedule. 

The lie tasted bitter in his mouth, but his parents didn’t press, his mother’s gaze lingering for only a moment, before she ushered him further into the house, encouraging him to settle in.

Dinner should have been perfect, surrounded by the warmth of family and holiday cheer and Kkami begging for treats. Still, Hyunjin felt strangely disconnected, like a stranger peering through frosted glass at the picture-perfect family gathering. The mini grill sizzled, the mouthwatering scent of BBQ filling the room as Hyunjin dutifully grilled and served the incredible spread of meat for his parents and sneakily fed Kkami scraps under the table.

But his mind wandered, attention continuously falling on the conspicuously empty seat at the table, reminding him of the heavy weight of uncertainty hanging over him. An absence he couldn’t ignore. He tried to engage, smiling and laughing where appropriate as his dad plied him with soju, but he couldn’t focus. 

His mother smiled sympathetically at him like she knew his inner turmoil, occasionally reaching over to pat his knee or rub his shoulder. 

After they ate, Hyunjin handed over his carefully wrapped gifts—a beautiful baby pink cashmere scarf to keep his mother warm and cozy on her daily winter walks and a new, fancy hand-crank coffee grinder to feed into his father’s recent obsession with brewing the perfect cup of coffee. 

Tucked into the inner pocket of his bag, the tiny, meticulously wrapped gift stared back at him like an accusation. He ran a finger over the silver ribbon, his throat tightening.

His mother pulled him into a tight hug, thanking him for his thoughtfulness, and his father patted him on the shoulder with pride, thanking him for his gift like he had given him one of the wonders of the world. 

By eight, the house had quieted, much earlier than usual, without Felix leading the charge on the holiday cheer and celebration. Hyunjin sat by a window, watching the swirling snowflakes dance, dusting his mother’s dormant garden. He was bundled in a blanket, clutching a steaming cup of tea his mother had brewed, with Kkami sleeping in his lap. The world looked serene, blanketed in white, while his thoughts churned restlessly, the knot in his chest pulled taut.

Hyunjin barely heard his mother approach, jumping when she sat beside him, hand gently resting on his knee and squeezing. “You’ve been quiet.”

Hyunjin sighed, leaned his forehead against the cool window beside him, and ran his fingers through Kkami’s fur. “I’m just tired. I’m sorry I worried you, eomma.”

“My dramatic son is quiet and distant, and I’m not allowed to worry?” She hummed, clearly disbelieving, but she didn’t push. 

They sat together watching the snow until Kkami wriggled free, demanding to be set down and scampering away as soon as his little paws hit the floor.

“Is this about Felix?”

Still hunched over, Hyunjin’s breath hitched, and he sat up suddenly, startled. His mother watched him with a knowing smile.

“You’ve been moping since you came home, sweetheart,” she said, tilting her head. “What happened? When you called me yesterday, you were so excited.”

Hyunjin swallowed, slumping in his seat. “I don’t know,” he admitted. “He just... he didn’t come. He didn’t even tell me why. Shit.” He wiped away the tears from the corners of his eyes with the edge of the blanket. 

“Language!” His mother lightly smacked his knee.

“Sorry,” Hyunjin sniffled, offering a weak smile. “I don’t know what to do, eomma. We barely talk now. He doesn’t respond to my texts. And I keep thinking...” he trailed off, voice cracking.

“Thinking what?”

“That I did something wrong,” Hyunjin whispered.

His mom reached out again, squeezing his hand as she studied him with gentle eyes. “Hyunjin, do you really think that?”

He didn’t answer, staring out at the snow. 

When had it started? He wasn’t even sure, but one day, he noticed Felix pulling away, happily affectionate with everyone else. But at the same time, had he tried to bridge the gap? He opened his mouth to respond, but the words stuck in his throat.

His mother sighed, her voice firm but kind. “It’s okay to be honest. You’ve always been someone who cares deeply about people, but this is different. Why does it bother you so much?”

Hyunjin blinked, her words cutting through the fog in his mind.

“You’re not going to figure this out staring at snow,” she said, squeezing his arm. “Talk to him. If you’re this upset, he’s probably feeling something too.”

For a moment, Hyunjin sat there, remembering the puffy pink eyes that wouldn’t meet his gaze. He hated the idea of Felix sitting at home alone right now, and here he was doing nothing to change it. He may not know what he felt about his relationship with Felix, and this weird emotional stalemate they seemed to have hit, but it was about time he figured it out. 

Hyunjin stood up, startling his mother, but his decision was made.

“I’m going home,” he said, his voice stronger than it had been all day.

His mom looked up at him, surprised but not disapproving. “Are you sure? It’s late.”

“Yeah,” Hyunjin said. “I need to. I need to see him.”

His mother smiled, standing to wrap him in a tight hug. The snow continued to fall outside, Felix’s absence a shadow over his heart, and Hyunjin couldn’t help but wonder if he would ever feel whole again. But as he buried his face in his mother’s shoulder, clutching her tightly as he promised to fix whatever was broken, the knot in his chest loosened for the first time that evening.

Within an hour, Hyunjin was back on the road. This time, in a taxi weaving through the quiet, snow-dusted streets of the city. By now, staff would be home. He didn’t want to disturb them now--not when he was supposed to be at his parents with Felix.

The lights shimmered through the windows, but Hyunjin barely noticed. His fingers curled tightly around the small, neatly wrapped box resting in his lap—a silver bracelet with a tiny sun engraved on the clasp. A perfect match to the one in his pocket, which bore a delicate crescent moon. 

Months ago, Hyunjin saw them in a store and bought them immediately, thinking the delicate silver chain would suit Felix perfectly. It was something small but meaningful, something to remind him that no matter where they were, they were always connected. But now, the gift felt heavier, a weight pressing against his chest, threatening to crush him.

Overcome with a sudden thought as the taxi drew closer to Felix’s and Seungmin’s apartment, Hyunjin asked the driver to drop him at the nearby convenience store.

The taxi slowed, pulling up outside the convenience store. Hyunjin paid the fare quickly, stepping out into the cold with a sharp inhale. The air was crisp, his breath fogging as he walked inside. 

Under the soft hum of fluorescent lights, Hyunjin scanned the shelves with a determined focus, gaze darting across the shelves in search of things that might evoke the warmth of an Aussie Christmas for Felix—cold cuts, some pre-cooked sausages, fresh fruits, a small container of creamy potato salad, and a vibrant ready-made pasta salad. 

His fingers hovered over the snack aisle before he spotted Pepero. Korea may not have TimTams, something he remembered Felix once saying he missed, but Pepero still offered a nice chocolatey crunch. 

Finally, Hyunjin grabbed a bottle of iced coffee and a carton of mango juice. Something sweet and familiar in place of the fruit punch Felix’s family had at home.

Felix didn’t talk much about how hard it was being away from his family during the holidays, but Hyunjin saw it. The way he lit up at every tiny piece of home and poured all his love into their makeshift traditions, giving everything and asking for nothing in return.

Hyunjin wouldn’t let him spend tonight alone.

By the time he emerged from the store, the snow had thickened, the streetlights casting elongated shadows on the fresh powder. He trudged along, hands buried deep in his pockets, the plastic bag dangling from his wrist. His breath curled like wisps of smoke in the cold air, his steps muffled by the snow.

The group chat was still active. Minho and Jisung argued over something ridiculous despite probably being in the same room. Chan had pitched a few song ideas, even with them being on break, and Changbin was whining about missing his hubby. Seungmin had taken a proactive approach to having his apartment supposedly empty and stayed the night at Chan and Jeongin’s, mocking Changbin for not thinking ahead. 

When Hyunjin reached Felix and Seungmin’s apartment, he hesitated, shifting the plastic bag in his grip, fingers numb from the cold. The memory of their last conversation, the way Felix had closed the door with a quiet finality, lingered. 

He debated knocking or just letting himself in—after all, they all had the codes to each other’s apartments. Most of them still knocked. It was polite. Minho was the worst about never knocking, just strolling in like he owned the place. 

“If you don’t want me here, change the code,” Minho always said, ignoring their groans to bother his boyfriend and leave them alone. They let them have an apartment together for a reason.

But this was different. Felix had pulled away, shut him out, and Hyunjin wasn’t sure walking in uninvited would make things worse. But on the other hand, Felix might not let him in at all if he knocked. But he had to try.

Hyunjin finally raised a hand and knocked.

At first, nothing.

Then, after a long moment, slow, shuffling steps sounded from behind the door.

The door creaked open just enough for Felix to peek out, his face still puffy with exhaustion, his black hair messy like he’d be buried under blankets all night, and his hoodie hanging loosely off one shoulder. His tired eyes widened slightly when he saw Hyunjin like he thought he might be imagining things.

“Hyun?”

“You didn’t eat, did you?” Hyunjin said softly, less a question and more a statement of fact from years of knowing Felix.

Felix blinked, caught off guard.

Hyunjin lifted the bag, showing off his spoils. “I brought dinner.”

For a moment, it seemed like Felix might close the door. His grip tightened on the doorframe, fingers flexing. But then, with a quiet sigh, his expression crumbled. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“I wanted to.” Hyunjin stepped closer, voice barely above a whisper. “Yongbok-ah, please? Just let me in.”

Wordlessly, Felix opened the door wider and stepped aside.

The apartment was softly illuminated, the silence punctuated by the gentle hum of the heater. Hyunjin kicked off his shoes, shaking off the snow from his coat and hanging it up. He carried the bag into the kitchen and set it on the counter, pulling out the food while Felix lingered near the kitchen door, arms wrapped tightly around himself, watching.

Hyunjin worked in silence, unpacking the items and arranging them neatly. He glanced up, catching Felix staring at him with an unreadable expression.

“Come eat,” Hyunjin encouraged, grabbing the iced coffee and mango juice. “I’m just going to put our drinks in the fridge.”

“Hyunjin, wait!” 

But Hyunjin had already opened the fridge. He stopped, frozen in place.

Perched on the middle shelf was a stunning pavlova, its meringue golden and crisp at the edges and piled high with generous heaps of whipped cream and fresh strawberries. Each layer beckoned, promising a taste of sweetness that felt almost magical.

Hyunjin stared at the dessert while Felix sputtered weakly behind him.

Felix had made this. He had made his favourite Christmas dessert. Which meant he’d had every intention of coming to Hyunjin’s parents. Until today. Until he changed his mind at the last moment.

A lump formed in Hyunjin’s throat as the realization sank in, cold and heavy. Felix had been planning on coming.

“Why?” Hyunjin croaked, spinning to face Felix.

Felix’s shoulders tensed. He didn’t look up. “Hyunjin—”

“You were going to come,” Hyunjin said, voice trembling. “So, why? What happened? What did I do?”

Felix inhaled. “Nothing. You did nothing,” he said. His voice wavered. “I just... changed my mind. I needed space.”

“Bullshit.”

Felix flinched, but Hyunjin wasn’t backing down.

“Felix, I—” Hyunjin exhaled sharply, setting the drinks back down on the counter and running a hand over his face before shaking his head. “I need to know. I need you to tell me... please. Why are you shutting me out? Ignoring me?”

“Because it hurts!”

The words burst from Felix like they had been clawing their way out for weeks, and now that they were free, he looked horrified, like he wanted to take them back. But they hung between them, raw and exposed, like an open wound. His hands clenched at his sides, shoulders rising and falling with each ragged breath.

“Felix—”

But Felix violently shook his head, stepping back like he was trying to physically distance himself from the truth. Blinking rapidly, his breath hitching in his throat. “I can’t—” His voice cracked. No, I—I didn’t mean—” He let out a frustrated sound, hands shaking. 

Felix squeezed his eyes shut, his words stalling completely, lips parted, trying to force something out like he couldn’t quite find the words in a language he wasn’t quite fluent in. He was too overwhelmed, so tangled in emotions too big to put into careful sentences.

So Hyunjin did the only thing he could.

“Breathe,” Hyunjin coaxed, gently taking Felix’s hands and rubbing his thumbs over Felix’s cold fingers. “Say it in English. Just say what you need to.”

Felix’s throat bobbed. “ I —” He let out a shaky breath, voice cracking, accent thicker than usual, raw with emotion. “ I can’t do this anymore. I can’t keep pretending like it doesn’t hurt. That I don’t feel more. That I’m content with just being your friend. ”

Hyunjin’s breath caught, Felix’s confession sending a shockwave through his chest.

Felix’s breathing was uneven now, his eyes shining, his lashes damp. “ I tried. I really did. But it’s eating me alive. Every time you smile. Every time you touch me, hug me, pull me close... and then let go like it’s nothing— ” He released a shaky breath. “It’s not nothing. Not to me.” He laughed, choked and bitter. “ I don’t know how to be near you without wanting more. ”

Hyunjin could only stare, his pulse roaring in his ears.

“ I love you ,” Felix whispered. “ And it hurts because you don’t love me back .”

Hyunjin’s chest tightened painfully, heart pounding so loudly he could barely think. He took a cautious step forward, but Felix turned sharply on his heel, breathing coming in uneven gasps, but Hyunjin was faster.

Before Felix could escape, Hyunjin caught him, wrapping his arms tightly around Felix’s tiny waist, his chest pressing firmly to Felix’s back.

Felix stilled. His body trembled in Hyunjin’s hold, breath hitching.

The silence between them was deafening.

“Don’t,” Hyunjin whispered. He was shaking. “Don’t run from me.”

Felix let out a broken sound, his hands gripping Hyunjin’s arms, but he didn’t try to pull away.

Hyunjin buried his face in Felix’s shoulder, squeezing his eyes shut as he held him closer and just breathed because he knew. Hyunjin knew what he had been missing, what had been breaking inside him, slowing crumbling over the last few months.

Felix.

It had always been Felix.

“ I love you .”

Felix’s entire body tensed.

Hyunjin felt the way Felix’s breath hitched, the way his fingers twitched, tangled in the sleeves of his hoodie, stunned into silence.

“ I love you, ” Hyunjin repeated, his voice raw, desperate—real. “ I think— I always— ” But English was a struggle, too emotionally charged to formulate the right words to express how he felt, so he switched back to Korean. “I think I always have, but I didn’t know what it was. I didn’t have a name for it. For why it hurt so much when you pulled away. Why everything felt wrong without you.”

Felix’s shuddered, small hands curling into the fabric of Hyunjin’s sleeves. 

Hyunjin pressed his forehead against the back of Felix’s neck. “I don’t want to let go. Not now. Not ever,” he whispered, lips teasing against the bare skin.

Felix exhaled shakily. “ You love me ?”

Hyunjin nodded against him, squeezing him tighter.

With his breath still unsteady, Felix gently tugged at the fabric of Hyunjin’s sleeves until he reluctantly loosened his grip. Instead of trying to escape, Felix turned, slipping his arms around Hyunjin’s waist and hugging him tightly. He buried his face in Hyunjin’s chest, seeking comfort in the warm embrace.

“ Say it again .”

Hyunjin smiled, pressing a small kiss to the top of Felix’s head and squeezing him back. “ I love you .”

They stood in the middle of the kitchen, tangled together, desperately clinging to each other like the universe threatened to rip them apart if they let go. Hyunjin hummed softly, gently rocking them, cheek resting on the top of Felix’s head.

Felix finally stirred. Slowly lifting his head, eyes red-rimmed and shining, but there was a fragile hope, so achingly beautiful that Hyunjin cupped Felix’s face, gently tilting his head back. Felix gasped, eyes wide, lips parting.

“ Hi ,” Hyunjin murmured, thumbs brushing over the tear tracks on Felix’s cheeks. His chest ached, but for the first time in months, life made sense.

Felix’s lower lip trembled, but he smiled, cheeks pink. “ Hi .”

Hyunjin grinned, unable to resist complimenting Felix’s cuteness. The words made Felix flush a delightful shade of pink, the tips of his ears turning a soft red. He tried to hide his face again, but Hyunjin wouldn’t let him, fingers weaving through Felix’s silky black hair, tilting his head back with care. Slowly, Hyunjin leaned in, ensuring Felix had every chance to pull away if he wanted to, giving him the space to say no, but he didn’t.

Felix absolutely melted into Hyunjin, gasping against his lips as his tiny hands curled into Hyunjin’s hoodie, clinging to him like he would drift away if he let go.

Hyunjin sighed into the kiss, deepening it as he pulled Felix impossibly closer. Felix, so warm, fit perfectly against him, like he belonged. Like he had always belonged.

When they finally pulled apart, Felix let out a breathless laugh, his cheeks flushed, and rested his forehead against Hyunjin’s.

Hyunjin grinned. His thumb brushed over Felix’s cheek, tracing the scattered freckles. “God, I’ve been so stupid.”

And just like that, Felix broke, bursting into laughter, tears streaming down his face as his eyes crinkled closed. “I love you, you idiot.”

Unable to resist, Hyunjin tilted Felix’s head back and kissed him again. This time, longer, deeper, until they were both completely breathless.

Eventually, they ended up on the couch, curled up under a blanket, legs tangled, nibbling on bits and pieces of the food Hyunjin so painstakingly picked out from the convenience store, occasionally exchanging shy kisses and giggling. Hyunjin’s fingers traced lazy circles on Felix’s lower back where he knew his best friend—if he could still call Felix that—still ached, especially in the cold.

Felix hummed softly, half asleep against Hyunjin’s shoulder.

Then Hyunjin remembered. “Oh.”

Felix stirred, blinking up at him. “What?”

Hyunjin smirked, nudging him playfully. “Your pavlova.”

Felix blinked up at him, lips parted, voice soft with exhaustion. “My pavlova?” he repeated, then groaned, burying his face in Hyunjin’s hoodie. “ Noooo .”

“You made it,” Hyunjin said with a grin. “We’re eating it. Go get it.”

With a dramatic sigh, Felix untangled himself and dragged himself off the couch, grumbling under his breath. “I’ll get a plate,” Felix mumbled, rubbing his eyes as he shuffled toward the kitchen. 

Felix’s hoodie had slipped down one shoulder, exposing the curve over his collarbone, leaving Hyunjin shy and a little distracted on the couch, almost forgetting his original goal.

The second Felix disappeared from sight, Hyunjin launched himself off the couch, scrambling as silently as he could for the front hall.

His coat was still hanging near the door, the little wrapped box tucked safely inside the pocket. He darted across the room, digging it out with frantic hands before quickly retrieving the matching bracelet for him. The silver caught the dim light of the apartment, the delicate moon glinting softly.

His heart thudded.

It felt silly now—how long he had waited to give it to Felix, how long he had convinced himself it was just a thoughtful gift between friends when, deep down, he had known better.

A quiet shuffle sounded from the kitchen, and Hyunjin panicked. He hadn’t made it to the couch, still halfway across the room. He shoved his hands behind his back, hiding his gift just as Felix peeked around the corner, brows furrowed suspiciously, a plate in one hand, a fork in the other.

“…What are you doing?”

Hyujin froze, eyes wide. “Nothing.”

Felix squinted at him, scrutinizing him like a burglar caught mid-crime, gaze flicking between Hyunjin’s frozen posture and the way his hands were awkwardly hidden behind his back. 

Hyunjin didn’t dare move.

Felix’s smile vanished. His entire body wilted, voice small. “Were you leaving?”

Hyunjin’s heart lurched.

“What? No!” Hyunjin protested, his voice high with panic, vigorously shaking his head. His hands were still clamped behind his back, the little wrapped box and his own bracelet digging into his palms. “No, I swear. Felix, I was just—”

“It’s okay.” Felix’s low, gravelly voice was so small, it barely sounded above a whisper, and it gutted Hyunjin, especially when his lower lip began to tremble, his fingers tightened around the plate, and his eyes filled with tears. “You can.”

“Shit. No, Felix.” Hyunjin took a step forward, uncertain. But he couldn’t reach for him. “Fuck. That’s not—Let’s just sit, okay?”

“It’s fine.” Felix turned away slightly. “You can go if you want. I—I’m sorry I just sorta exploded on you.” 

Hyunjin felt like he’d been punched.

Felix had misunderstood—completely misunderstood.

And Hyunjin couldn’t bear it.

“I wasn’t leaving,” Hyunjin said, voice urgent. “Felix, look at me.”

Slowly, Felix did.

Hyunjin slowly pulled his hand out from behind his back, fingers unclenching to reveal the little box to Felix, still watching him with a new shaky hope.

Felix blinked, stunned.

“It’s for you,” Hyunjin finally said lamely. “I wanted to surprise you.”

Felix’s eyes flickered up to Hyunjin’s, a mix of confusion and hesitation, and Hyunjin took it as a sign, tucking his own bracelet into his pocket and stepping forward. He lifted the little box, offering it.

“I, uh…” He exhaled sharply, willing his heart to stop slamming against his ribs. “I got this for you a while ago. Before things got… weird. Before I even really understood what I was feeling.” His throat felt tight, but he pushed through. “I just thought it would suit you.”

Felix stared at it, eyes darting between the box and Hyunjin’s face. He carefully set the pavlova down on the small table by the couch, fingers grazing Hyunjin’s as he took the box. He hesitated, then slowly pulled at the ribbon and peeled back the wrapping with almost painful delicacy. His hands shook. When he lifted the lid, his breath hitched.

The silver bracelet caught the light, the tiny engraved sun shining. Felix sucked in a quiet breath, lips parting slightly.

Hyunjin bit his lip, rubbing his palms against his thighs anxiously, and pulled his own bracelet out of his pocket. “I have the moon.”

To his great horror, Felix began to cry, ugly sobbing with great gasping breaths.

“What—”

“You’re such an idiot.” Felix launched himself at Hyunjin.

Hyunjin barely had time to brace himself before Felix buried his face in his shoulder, clutching the bracelet like the most precious thing in the world. He staggered slightly, but his arms instinctively wrapped around Felix, holding him tightly. 

“I’m sorry.”

“You should be,” Felix croaked.

They stayed like that for a long moment, simply wrapped in each other.

When Felix finally pulled back, cheeks damp but with a huge grin on his face, he offered the box to Hyunjin. “Put—put it on me.”

Hyunjin gently grasped Felix’s wrist, fingers gliding over the warm skin. He carefully fastened the silver bracelet around his delicate wrist, his tongue caught between his teeth as he focused on the tiny clasp. His touch lingered, thumb tracing the cool metal, before he finally looked up to meet Felix’s eyes, but Felix was smiling down at the delicate bracelet.

Hyunjin chuckled, offering Felix his own bracelet. “Help me put mine on?”

Felix let out a shaky laugh, nodding as he carefully clasped the bracelet around Hyunjin’s wrist.

And just like that—they were connected.

When Hyunjin finally coaxed Felix to sit, they settled back in, legs tangled, Felix still in awe, admiring the silver around his wrist as Hyunjin spooned bites of pavlova into his mouth. Felix giggled when Hyunjin nibbled a smudge of whipped cream off the corner of his lips, stealing a kiss.

“Stay?” Felix whispered, fingers playing with the strings of Hyunjin’s hoodie.

“Where would I go?” Hyunjin asked, thinking of his cold, empty bed back in the apartment he shared with Changbin.

Felix scooped a dollop of whipped cream with finger and smeared it across Hyunjin’s cheek, giggling. And for the first time in weeks, everything felt right.

Outside, snowflakes drifted like whispers, quiet and eternal. But inside, wrapped in each other’s warmth, hearts entwined, laughter lit the coldest night.