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One night, under the stars visible through the window, two people were meeting in the shadows. The hands were not joined, their fingers barely touching each other’s, as though there was a space between them, yet their bodies were just inches far, the warmth and coldness, quite a sharp contrast. A puff of breath, a slight flinch by other, the moment delicate as glass. One wrong hit and there would be a crack and another and another…. Until there are just pieces left and no one else.
But that is a story of few months back, the hesitation, the fear still there but the love growing was soothing this tall mountain of doubts. One still couldn’t bear much touch, though now it wasn’t as bad as ants crawling on his skin. The other, knew his feelings but he never thought that the other would return, the fear of being unwanted and abandoned, similar shades and yet have different pathways at the same time. Both had their issues; both had their own insecurities, but it didn’t mean the beautiful parts of them got totally submerged in these deep waters.
His heart still stings with hot iron slashes of betrayal and words his brother spoke, that hurt never will go away but these past months, they have not been hurting him as they were. His emotions have been something which he finds difficult to comprehend since that day, as though everything he knew got washed away that snow night.
Snow….
It gives him literal chills within his soul and associating it with that day, makes him hate (fear) it more. So, being in blue lock facility at the day of Christmas eve was a relief to hear, with outside weather being that dreaded. Oh, he is never a coward, and he knows very well that he can’t keep running away from it, but would you blame him if he wants to experience it’s touch as less possible?
And yet at times he isn’t afraid to associated Hiori with that same snow, so soft, so cold and yet that dangerous which makes him feel the opposite of what he feels about snow- yes, thrill. Hiori was someone he always just passed by, kind of another NPC you can say, who never bothered him but that if he said that now, he knew it would be very wrong to proclaim. His football skills are genius would be an understatement, but it doesn’t end here.
He is more than a football player to him.
After having been broken to tiniest of pieces, his stupid heart yet has the power to beat for the other. It isn’t how he felt about Sae; it is so different. The love he had for Sae is one of admiration, of ice cream sticks in the sea, of brotherly bonding which are full of tiny specks of understandings and affection. Whereas, the love, oh how much this word still makes him freeze, for Hiori is literally upside down. It is full of confusing feelings which makes him so easily one moment happy and other moment frustrated. They are like death rides he enjoys a lot, the thrill of intensity on them but then they become like stagnant water, still and confusion of what to do next. Describing it for him is also making him feel those stupid butterflies, which bee head described him once while teasing about having a girlfriend. His reply was given, being he has no time for these things. They are lukewarm.
Utterly lukewarm!
But…
Did his heart still listen to his brain?
NO.
And then started the little glances, teal sharp eyes clashing with icy mellow blue, a pause where they were only present and next moment, they both are on their way, as though nothing happened. He was not a lovesick fool but he couldn’t help it to search for a single strand of light blue hair. Even while observing matches of bastard for crushing that annoying Isagi, one moment Hiori comes on screen, and he forgets everything. His eyes would not leave him even for a second, from a minor facial expression to a fantastic play, the only conclusion which comes in his mind was he was enamored with his playstyle.
Correction, enamored with him.
He never thought he would even talk to his fixation of months and one day, like the fates were actually listening to yearning of his heart, made them have a moment where the only people present were them. It was not anything like showed in movies, He just so happened to take seat in the same viewing room as the blue haired boy. He was in denial of his feelings at the moment and decided to simply ignore other’s presence, his left leg bouncing up, his eyes not meeting the other. Hiori didn’t say anything either, his eyes fixated on the screen in front of his eyes, the sounds of fingers pressing the buttons being loud in the complete silence of the room.
Rin, on the other hand, fidgets slightly in his sitting position to ‘make himself comfortable’, his eyes taking slight peaks at the fascinating person sitting besides, his warmth just a centimeter away. As keep watching, his leg stopped doing the movement, his body relaxed as he again gets hypnotized in the same regular music of watching him, his one hand supporting his hand, eyes slightly droopy. A yawn escapes from his own mouth which he wasn’t aware of, his eyes shutting down before he could process his action.
But when he opened his eyes, there was nothing but darkness and an extra weight on his body, the blanket of his, Hiori's. He remembers doing the embarrassing act of sniffing that blanket and making a cocoon around him to sleep, which he will never admit but that was the strongest indication of how down bad he was for the midfielder of Bastard.
Their silent meets became regular as well from that day, not acknowledging each other presences, just bathing in the calmness of the watch room in whole blue lock, in the corner near the PXG stratum. It was nothing special place, ordinary and similar to other rooms. Yet, it was less lukewarm. Whether it was due to the person he was with or the fact there was no one to annoy him here, he doesn’t know. He can admit this though that he awaits these moments, his hand every time itching to touch and hold the others and yet hesitating as the intimate touch is something different, something fragile in his eyes.
And then finally the torturous and yet precious moments of them broke when hiori decided to speak, his words, “Do you play games as well?”
If it was anyone else than him, he would have said fuck off or simply didn’t acknowledge the other, his eyes and poker face making this job easier. But how could he? This is Hiori who with his simple smiles and bright eyes broke his already weaken barrier and before he knew it, he said yes. He, Itoshi Rin, said yes!
And then he became grateful that it happened as how he could have enjoyed Hiori's pearls of laughter which was like siren’s music? He was no jokester nor anyone that easy to get along since his childhood due to his “weird” tendencies according to his parents and many others and here he is, who has no judgement of how ruthless he can be or how his habits are. He is just there, sitting like he usually does and just being himself, and yet that simple act is making him feel intense waves of emotions.
They were quite similar but also different but that’s what made Hiori more interesting to him. His small habits like slight twitching of his nose when he is annoyed like a kitten or when he bites his bottom lip too hard, the blood coating them, making his desire intense, of kissing those lips and lick that off, nasty you might say but that’s him, Itoshi Rin.
And then like some spirit possessed him, his pinky wounded lightly with cold hands of his, Hiori’s big owl eyes blinking immediately at him and like the love-struck fool he is, simply blinked back at him. He frees his hand, making his heart race in question if he crossed some line, before intertwining their fingers, and giving a squeeze. The relief he felt that moment was so much that he literally deflated like balloon, making the blue head pixie giggle, his ears only hearing the sound of chiming bells.
“You know if you smiled more, you would not only be number one in football.”
As they say, 'Another day, another slay', except slay is him getting caught smiling which he apparently was subconsciously doing. Doesn’t mean he have to accept this easily, so he did what he does the best, ignore.
And again, his stupid mouth betrayed him!
“I wasn’t smiling. Get your eyes checked.”
He turns his head to opposite direction, the image of composed self, standing with folded arms, waiting for the response from the other. He waited for few minutes, his foot tapping becoming louder as each minute pass by. As much as patience Rin has, right now he couldn’t be. So, he turns around and his words stop at the tip of his tongue as he looks at the other’s peaceful face. His eyelashes resting on his cheeks, eyes closed, no sign of any discomfort, head laid back on the chair, just like snow white.
Beautiful...
Realizing what he thought, his cheeks immediately redden, his heart beating faster as he approaches him. Upon closer inspection, he looks ethereal than ever, the soft glow of blue light from the screen makes him look like an angel descended from heaven.
Wow, he can be poetic.
His hand again hesitates, moving forwards and then immediately snatching back, the push and pull to touch him, as though to cross a barrier and enters his world. However, he was unsuccessful again, his hand curled in fist. He held his hands with him, even was hugged by the other and yet when he just wants to cup his cheek, his hand is shaking. He can’t understand why he is so scared.
Emotions are so confusing!
Just he thought he was actually getting better in understanding what he was feeling, another problem comes. Emotions are like mathematics, confusing and annoying!
With a heart which was frustrated with his cowardice, he huffs and puts the blanket around the sleeping beauty who on contact immediately holds his arm, Rin freezing at the place. Hiori rubs his cheek sleepily on it and oh boy why he looks so adorable?!
Stop the thoughts Rin oh my god!
Now how to remove his arm…
As though Hiori was hearing his thoughts, he mumbles something gibberish (cute) and releases his hold, turning slightly, his arm under his head, sleeping soundly. He somehow feels disappointed at the lack of warmth which was stupid because literally seconds ago he was thinking of a way to remove his arm!
Stupid heart always conflicting!
And came the night before Christmas. It was cold outside. Luckily, they were inside the warmth of blue lock heaters, so it was quite comfortable. As the routine goes by, they both met and sat in the room, but this time, the fireplace was ignited lightening the room in orange shades. They too had made little changes with the season, thick cushions near it and addition of socks and thick sweaters in their wardrobe. There are heaters in the facility but at times it becomes chillier thus the need of them. If he could, he would have carried his blanket around everywhere, all bundled up but it is what it is.
They both were sitting quite closer than usual, his hand in between while Hiori was drawing patterns with on it with his thumb, his hands cold as ever. With their unoccupied hands, they had steaming mugs of hot cocoa which they took occasional sips from. There was no talking for some time, just the sounds of fire crackling and their breathings.
“Do you like Christmas, Rin kun?”
He embarrassingly was about to nod off so he jerked slightly even if the words spoken were so quiet, Hiori’s eyes not meeting his, instead gazing in the fireplace as though it’s fascinating, as though he is seeing something which Rin can’t. The question was nothing to ponder of so his answer came very swiftly.
“I have no opinion about it. It’s just a lukewarm celebration”, his words were spoken with a false firmness, his soul knowing how he loved the festival which is shadowed with nothing but bad memories now.
“I see….”
The disinterested tone(?) caught his attention. He couldn’t resist the curiosity. Thus, he continued the conversion.
“What about you?”
Hiori sighed and changed his sitting position. He folded his legs near his chest, arms enclosing them and chin resting on his knees, his gaze still fixated at that one point but there was some sadness which was flowing in waves.
“I have no opinion either. I never had a chance to properly enjoy it, you can say.”
“That’s sad.”
Hiori snorts in amusement and lightly pushes the other.
“Look who’s saying that.”
“Hiori?”
“Mhm?”
“Meet me tomorrow night here at ten.”
“Okay.”
And finally, here they are in this decorated room slow dancing in the melodious festive music. He planned this because he can and being number one has its own merits so here, he has the required supplies. He had kept it simple, just food and drinks, a screen for games, speaker for the music, fairy lights and a small Christmas tree decorated with small trinkets. Hiori's reaction, still was amazed, his happy expression making him feel warm and giddy.
They are touching but not also, their gazes locked, the atmosphere charged with an unknown pleasant energy. And then their hands locked, their bodies almost touching, chest to chest, the lips tempted for the others’. The music changed to a very romantic one, the desire to charge forward one more step more than ever and the fear holding these two, removing their hold almost completely.
“What are you so afraid of Rin?”, Hiori whispers, his words hanging in air.
What is he afraid of?
Getting his heart broken again, getting replaced, getting abandoned and getting played, he can list more.
But do you really think that this person in front of you standing today will do it?
He has his doubts, he has his fears, however slight they are regarding Hiori but they are still present. But he can’t deny that he is tired of running away from the possibility of happiness which he might miss out and regret later if he didn’t take any action now.
So, he held other’s waist more securely, his other hand holding Hiori’s firmer, and looking straight into those deep eyes, he decided to say what he wants.
“May I have this dance with you?”, Rin asks as he brushes his lips on his knuckles.
Hiori blinks and laughs loudly as he nods.
“That’s not the answer to my question, Rin.”
Rin twirls the other around, giving a back hug to Hiori, whose breath hitches at the contact.
“I know. I will answer that, someday”, Rin answers back, nuzzling his neck, making him giggle in delight.
Like this, they both enjoyed the night with eating cake, Ochazuke which both of them loved coincidentally, trying different video games they both wanted to try and exchanging light cheek kisses in between. They both wanted to kiss on lips, but maybe they still are not ready but that’s okay.
Hiori can wait for Rin and Rin can wait for Hiori.