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“Sunny with a one percent chance of rain…”
Aoi spaces out and lets the TV weather forecast continue until well past its end.
If she truly cares about Christmas, she may have worried over that one percent of rain.
As it stands, the clouds outside her window hanging in the late December cold do not perturb her one bit.
She hears from her classmates, and for some reason particularly from Teru, about how many boxes of homemade chocolates and cookies and cakes have been rejected by Akane during the holiday season.
“It's a new record of rejections this year. Our poor underclassmen. They never learn.” Teru clicks his tongue and sighs with fake concern, his trademark prince charming smile never falling from his face. “Say, are you going to give him something, Akane-san?”
Aoi hardly looks up from counting the handouts a teacher has given to her to deliver to the Student Council room. “No.”
“How about me?”
With the last handout counted, Aoi sets down the stack on the table in front of Teru and plasters on her smile. She tilts her head to the pile of treats Teru's collected over the day, now taken over their own corner of the room. “I'm afraid all your other gifts would far surpass mine, Minamoto-san. Enjoy.”
Her hand barely touches the handle of the door leading out the Student Council room when commotion outside draws her eyes to the window above. Aoi doesn’t hear the words, even if the poor underclassman girl loudly proclaims them. The sweeping movement of the girl’s bow, the outstretched hands, and the delicately wrapped box of handmade cookies in them lead directly to the boy where her attention is actually fixed on.
Akane clutches his folder close to his chest. Distrust, coldness, and a mouth drawn firmly in a line are all what’s left on his face.
A sigh escapes Aoi’s mouth. The whole theatre of this sort of imminent rejection in the name of loyalty, with all its spectacle and shock, was unnecessary. It was cruel in fact, to condemn a carefully-made box of treats to face the tears of its maker, rather than the joy of the receiver when no certain loyalty ever existed between her and Akane to merit rejection.
Still, no matter how unnecessary, no matter how cruel, she continues to watch with barely-disguised interest in how Akane will act, even if she knows he will act as he always does. There’s a pause between the end of the girl’s speech and the beginning of Akane’s reaction and even if she shouldn’t, Aoi tenses in the moment. For her, there’s nothing at stake in this sort of exchange and yet, that one percent chance that she’s wrong floods her mind alongside the beating of her accelerating pulse.
“No. I can’t accept this. I’m sorry,” comes the familiar and firm voice. It slices through the tension and releases Aoi from some invisible vise. She staggers back a few steps from the door.
“Is that Aoi outside, Akane-san?” Teru says behind her.
“I suppose,” she mumbles.
“Wonderful! He can take all the treats Tiara hates once he finishes going through all the handouts here.”
Aoi doesn’t need to see Teru’s grin to be able to hear it in his voice and neither does Teru need to look her in the face to hear the saccharine sweetness of her smile either. “That is wonderful of you to share, Minamoto-senpai. Enjoy.”
She turns on her heel and ignores Akane’s attempts to catch her attention as soon as she steps out of the room. “Akane-kun, I’m very busy today. See you tomorrow,” she says as she brushes past him and the miserable-looking girl who she pretends not to see.
Out of the corner of her eye, she sees the box of rejected cookies fall from the girl’s hand and land with a slight thud on the floor. It sits alone on the floor between the two of them, illuminated by the late-afternoon sun filtering through the windows of the hall.
Aoi’s smile only grows brighter.
What a shame.
It’s cloudy for the next couple of days and with the cold finally settling in, Aoi has a lot less to tend to at the gardening club than usual. She makes her way home earlier when Nene always has other, indescribable plans and gives up on taking glances through her bedroom window when she sees that Akane’s curtains are always closed.
The Student Council must be busy at this time of the year.
Or rather, as Aoi thinks back to Teru lounging in his chair in the council room, Akane must be busy at this time of the year. Always rushing about for some reason or another, always straining himself to do more than needed.
How kind.
Her phone buzzes and Aoi taps it open a little faster than usual.
Thank you so much for the shortcake Aoi!! It’s always so perfect as expected from you!
Nene’s message pops up on her phone and all is as it usually is. Aoi sends a cute sticker in reply and after a few sticker exchanges with Nene, she sets down her phone, fully worn out by the dullness of the day. The constant grey clouds make her feel sick.
Perhaps even rain would be a welcome change.
That lifeless feeling drags into dinner as Aoi hears her mother tut about how her father is working overtime once again, how the grocery store ran out of toilet paper, how the postman was late in deliveries today…
“I should give something for Akane-kun and his family,” Aoi says out-of-the-blue. What should’ve been a question turns into a declaration as soon as it leaves her mouth and Aoi’s face flushes in response.
Her mother hardly notices. “Mm.”
“Maybe I should make something sweet?” Aoi hesitates and turns to her mother for approval.
“Don’t you think it’s a little late now? You’ll tire yourself out, Aoi-chan. Get something nice from the department store instead.”
“But–” Aoi stops herself. One look at the calendar on the wall tells her her mother is right and none of this extra effort to exhaust herself is necessary. “Maybe if I just make some for Akane-kun, then?” The question comes out timidly and his name, almost a whisper.
“Mm. That’s nice too.” Her mother absentmindedly nods.
It’s not the response she wants but it’s the only thing she can expect from her mother.
What she doesn’t expect is to be standing in front of the fridge and pantry, well after dinner, taking stock of all she does and doesn’t have. There isn’t enough of this and that for chocolate or cakes but she does have enough for cookies….
The memory and sound of falling cookies hitting the floor suddenly pops into her mind.
Aoi straightens up and blinks herself from her stupor.
She shuts all the cabinets and the drawers and the fridge and the kitchen door and finds herself standing outside the kitchen, tightly gripping the edge of her pajama top. Gnawing resentment and guilt chews through the barrier between her subconscious and conscious mind until her face burns and her eyes water.
What good would a bag of homemade cookies do?
They would be meaningless, and yet, even so, Aoi’s feet walk her back to the kitchen and her hands force open all the drawers, cabinets, and fridge all over again.
They would elicit nothing but blasé praise about how amazing her skills are and of course they’re good, they’re made by her. Still, she can’t let down her guard, and she double checks the measurements of butter, sugar, and flour before whisking.
They don’t need to be anything but beautiful because Christmas cookies are meant to look pretty first and foremost. Still, Aoi anxiously pops one into her mouth as soon as they cool down after baking. Relief only washes over her when the insides match the painstakingly decorated outsides.
They don’t need careful packaging because it’ll be ripped open anyway. Still, Aoi makes it a point to tie, undo, and retie the bow in the bag of cookies until she’s satisfied that it’s perfect.
Finally, they didn’t need to be made at all. Aoi fidgets with the ends of the bow on the packaging. The kitchen is a mess and there’s flour dusting her pajamas. She may be almost as good at baking as she is gardening but her time and effort can never measure up to what’s on offer at the local department store.
“It can’t mean anything anyway,” she says aloud to herself. To her or to him.
She’s half a mind to throw everything away before that can happen.
“Into the trash you go,” she mutters as she makes a move to grab the bag of cookies off the table. In the process, her hand knocks over her phone, already teetering on the edge of the counter in the process to make space for all her bowls and pans.
“Ah.” She picks it up and the screen is bright, a little too bright for her bleary eyes. Four messages.
I’m sorry I didn’t get to confess to you today. Forgive me Ao-chan!
Make sure to dress warmly tomorrow. It’s cold. It would be surprising if it rained but there’s a one percent chance of it happening?!
Let’s go somewhere during the winter break together. How about an onsen?
I didn’t see you at your window today to say good night. Goodnight Ao-chan!
Aoi bites the bottom of her lip and glances at the cookies sitting on the table.
Before she can move to throw them away, before she can even think, she taps out a reply.
Meet me at the Christmas tree in front of the train station tomorrow.
She leaves an umbrella by the door on her way up to her room.
Aoi arrives early with an umbrella prepared for a cloudless sky and the bag of cookies nestled in between layers of paper in her bag. It’s a little too early, half an hour early actually, but apparently Akane is early too.
“Ao-chan!” He runs over from across the square, scaring off pigeons and people alike in the process. His cheeks red from the cold, and his breath comes out in little puffs with each pant, as if he’s run all the way from the school to meet her. His arms are outspread, as if he’s about to hug her but he stops at the last second to kneel down in front of her with a bouquet of flowers in hand. “I thought I was going to be late. Pres. kept me back to do all the other paperwork and then the choir club needed help with their upcoming performance, and then I had to talk to the teacher but—” Akane struggles to catch his breath after the slew of words “--I made it. You’re just as lovely today as every other day. Will you marry me?” His eyes are lit up along with his spirits.
“You’re early,” Aoi says as she wordlessly accepts the bouquet but not the proposal. No points, no grades.
“But I knew you’d be early too, Ao-chan, and if you’re early and I’m not then I’m late.” Akane gets up and leans down to meet her eyes. “So what did you want to do today for our date? Walk around the square? Take photos with the decorations?”
The word date gets thrown around but Aoi, distracted as she is by her own thoughts, doesn’t refute it. “Um…”
Akane's enthusiasm doesn’t waver but his voice goes down an octave as he gently takes her mittened hand. “Why don’t we go sit down on a bench and take a moment?”
Even through her mittens, she can feel the heat emanating from his hands. It’s cold, how are they so warm? She quickly retracts her hand and buries her warm face deeper into her scarf. “A-actually–” she retrieves the cookies and presents them to Akane “--here,” she struggles out.
“You made these. For me?” Akane’s eyes widen in disbelief and it’s nothing like the wary surprise he puts on for any other gifts any other person. “Ao-chan, you’re always so sweet. Can I have one right now?”
There’s a streak of genuine excitement which both lifts and sinks Aoi’s spirits in succession. She doesn’t think she cares about meeting sudden expectations but she also doesn’t think she doesn’t not care.
“You can do whatever you want.” She pauses. “It doesn’t mean anything by the way. They were extra and I didn’t want them to go to waste,” she adds hastily.
“I thought you made strawberry shortcake for Yashiro-san though?”
“Minamoto-senpai didn’t want them so you can have them.”
“Minamoto Teru? President?” Akane furrows his brows and reels back in horror.
“Yes.” She cringes at the bad lie and rushes the conversation in a different direction. “If you’re going to eat one, hurry, or else I’m leaving.”
“Ah! Not yet! Let’s see here.” Akane carefully undos the ribbon despite his reply and pries open the crinkly plastic of the bag. “I’ve got a bear with a Santa hat cookie. Hm? The hat broke off–”
Aoi nearly yanks the bag out of Akane’s hands, if not for the fact that he’s faster and he lifts the bag just out of her reach. “Ugh…Akane-san,” she grits her teeth and forces her typical smile and light tone. “Why don’t you give that back? I’m very sorry but there seems to be some flaws with the cookies.”
“But Ao-chan, it’s rude to give back a gift, especially if it’s from you. With or without the hat, the bear is just as cute as the person who made it so I have to eat it.” Akane grins and Aoi can only helplessly watch as the bear falls into his mouth sans hat. He chews slowly and deliberately and Aoi closes her eyes to avoid the painful scene.
She doesn’t know what she’s bracing for but when she opens her eyes again, she doesn’t get the loud, open praise she’s come to expect from Akane.
Instead, a hug.
“Akane-san?” she says. His arms are wrapped around her, hardly tight, in fact, hardly a hug at all with only his warm hands high up on her back and nothing else close. Too close for comfort and not close enough, as if he or she were afraid of anything more happening. Aoi lets her arms dangle at the side, fully caught off-guard and unable to catch what she didn’t prepare for.
“It’s sweet but not overly so. It’s light and crumbly on the outside but the center is firm. I love it. It reminds of you. Thank you, Ao-chan.”
The prickly tips of Akane’s hair brush at her ear as either him or her–she can’t tell–inadverdently leans in closer. A dull pang thuds somewhere deep in her chest as his words resonate in her ears. She tries to decipher their sincerity but before a verdict is made, her arms have already gathered the courage to move up and allow her hands to come together high up at the small of his back.
They’re disloyal things but perhaps the most honest parts left of her.
“I don’t want your bouquet. Please take it back,” she whispers next to his ear.
Ah. No. That would actually be her mouth. Brutally honest and dishonest–whichever she needed it to be whenever, wherever with whoever. But especially with Akane.
Akane pulls back and Aoi lets her hands slowly fall away from him. “Eh? But I just said it’s rude to give back gifts.”
“You’ve given better gifts. One point. Try again Akane-kun.” Aoi bursts into giggles. An easy bad habit, this girlish and innocent reaction.
He plays along with their charade. “Which one?” he demands with full earnestness.
“It’s. A. Secret.” The giggles fade and she roots herself back to a minute ago in that loose embrace.
It’s difficult to pull out of and neither her or Akane bother to return to their airy interlude despite the looming quiet.
“How about we take a walk–”
“I should head back–”
Silence. A burst of too many words. Silence again. Akane looks at her expectantly, opening the way for her to try again first.
I’m busy . I should head back. Aoi opens her mouth but closes it. Her lips are chapped in this cold air and her throat is dry. All easy excuses for her muteness.
Akane clears his throat. “Let’s take a photo together with the Christmas tree. He takes a few steps and stretches out his hand for her.
She looks down and pauses before taking it. “Okay.” This time, the warmth of his palm doesn’t shock her.
“I see you brought your umbrella. Always so prepared, Ao-chan.”
Aoi peers up at the sky. The sun isn’t quite out but the clouds aren’t either.
“Too bad it doesn’t look like it’ll snow. Would’ve been nice for a white Christmas!” Akane says. He takes out his phone for their selfie.
Against the glittering backdrop of the tree under clear skies next to her closest childhood friend, Aoi puts on something that feels closer to a natural smile.
“Even if it’s not snowing, I’m glad.”
The camera clicks and captures something that Aoi might actually call meaningful.
She doesn’t of course.
End.