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Lukas already had enough of endermen, since Soren’s lab and the End. He swore that this was definitely going to stick with him for a long while. He had hoped that together, they had finally defeated the witherstorm! The thing had taken away his friends, his home, basically everything. Then, it all happened way too fast.
Magnus was dead. Gabriel had lost his memories, not to mention Petra’s sickness, Lukas had definitely noticed now. Hadn’t anyone else seen it? Oh, how he so desperately wanted to go back. Everything was much simpler. His most pressing concern back then was what to build for endercon. Looking back, he now felt so stupid. And now, he couldn’t close his eyes without seeing those petrifying purple eyes, piercing into his soul like pins on a cushion. He leaned against the cave wall, crossing his arms as he glanced at his teammates. Axel and Olivia were fussing over Petra, who insisted she was fine, she clearly wasn’t. Ellegarde was making aggressive hand gestures while speaking in a hushed tone to Gabriel, who only shook his head helplessly. Meanwhile, Jesse wandered from group to group, checking up on everyone. Heck, he even checked up on the horses, making sure they were fed. Lukas looked up to Jesse, he really did. Who couldn’t? The boy started off as pretty much no one that Lukas really cared about. And now, Jesse was leading them all. He could’ve kicked Lukas out if he wanted to; he certainly didn’t deserve a place amongst them all, and yet, here he still was. They were far from the witherstorm, and agreed to sleep for a moment to settle things down.
After everyone had mostly calmed, agreeing to take turns in keeping watch, one by one they all fell asleep. Jesse and others agreed to let Petra and Gabriel sleep throughout the night, they needed it most. Lukas had trouble falling asleep, but exhaustion hit him like a brick between the eyes and he eventually passed out against the cold cave wall, his last thoughts of everything he had lost and everything that had happened since then.
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Lukas awoke with a gasp, and he quickly brought a hand to stifle any more noises that dared to escape him. His usually cool and calm blue eyes were wide with panic, staring at the bleak stone floor as if that would bring him some sort of solace as tears stained his eyes like dirt on white cloth. Lukas forced himself to breathe, in and out. In and out. In. And. Out. It did nothing to suppress the searing anxiety creeping up his veins, working like poison to infect his brain with terror. Those eyes, that pitch black skin. Their screeches were like metal scraping against porcelain, and he heard it in his mind, still fresh. His tongue died in his throat, rendering him unable to even cry out even as he felt a sob build up in his throat.
Glancing outside, Lukas saw that the moon was still high in the sky and standing at the entrance of the cave was Jesse himself, and Lukas almost cried out in despair. Why did it have to be him? Lukas didn’t want to be seen as weak in front of Jesse, no one else was bothered by the endermen, just him. How would Jesse react to seeing Lukas in such a vulnerable state? The blonde felt his breathing grow more laboured as poisonous thoughts leached into his brain. He couldn’t scrape them off his mind, like gum on the sidewalk. Lukas was so scared; was he overreacting? Did he just need to calm down? How would he do that?? All sorts of things were running through his head and it only made him spiral further.
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Jesse watched cautiously as he witnessed skeletons roam the land, the occasional creeper hissing as it glided across silently, its face fixed in a permanent frowning face. In the distance, a pitch black blob distorted the usual calm night sky, the ear piercing screech muffled from the distance and the vivid purple tractor beams like spotlights, sucking up and consuming everything in its path. The witherstorm. Jesse had his sword at the ready, albeit relaxed in his grip as he watched from above the discord below and pushed down the feeling of helplessness during all this chaos, unable to help anyone at the moment.
Axel and Lukas had already taken their shift, as well as Ellegarde. Now Jesse had to stay up for another couple minutes before having to wake up Olivia. Truth be told, Jesse was worried for him. He wasn’t like his usual chill behaviour after being in Soren’s lab, the way he flipped out in that place made from wool. From the corner of his eye, Jesse could see the ginger culprit himself snoring soundly on the floor. Despite how conflicted he sounded earlier, he certainly didn’t look the part now.
Jesse faintly heard a hissing sound, and played it off as a creeper nearby, not a threat. However, he noticed that the sound grew louder and clearer but Jesse couldn’t see where it was coming from, even as he paced the entrance to the cave where his friends rested. After a couple more seconds, the brunette could ignore it no longer and had to find out the source, just in case it was in fact dangerous.
It wasn’t from outside, and as Jesse slowly crept inside the cave, he did realise the sound grew louder for a moment before suddenly halting. Jesse came to the realisation that it was not in fact the hissing sound of a creeper, but the laboured breath of someone. A pang of guilt hit him when he didn’t notice sooner, the paranoia was getting to him. He sheathed his weapon, carefully approaching the noise. The vague figure of Lukas appeared in his vision, and Jesse gasped at the sight.
He looked… well, horrible to be honest. He was hunched over on the floor, his hands clamped over his mouth like a vice and his eyes leaking tears, wide and unfocused. His breathing was short and sounded like he was choking on something, however Jesse knew that it was worse than that. Lukas was having a panic attack, he figured, and Jesse had no clue how to help.
He slowly approached the male, his heart wrenching at the sight of Lukas panicking like this. Crouching down next to him, Jesse gently put his hand on Lukas’ back, causing the blonde to shoot his head up in fear; light blue eyes wide and his breath hitching at the sudden touch. Jesse felt sorrow build in his chest as he saw the pained look on Lukas’ face.
The brunette heard Lukas breathing harshly though his mouth, as if he was being strangled. Lukas didn’t seem to protest against the action, or show any sort of reluctance to being touched so Jesse kept his hand on Lukas, his touch gentle but firm, hoping to convey the message that he was here with him. Jesse opened his mouth to speak, his own voice a little hoarse and shaky.
“Lukas? Just- just breathe, okay? Don’t think about anything else,” He said while shifting his position to kneel down next to him, he felt the blonde shake under his touch. Lukas heaved for a chance to breathe, his choked sobs coming out raw and unfiltered as he took in air through his mouth.
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Lukas hurt. When he felt Jesse touch him, it was like touching a tap with running warm water after standing outside on a cold winter’s day. It was sudden; the nerves in his body seemed to scream yet it felt comforting, and he eased into the warm feeling. Jesse spoke no other words, just keeping his hand on Lukas to try and comfort him. Lukas could register his words faintly; his soft tone that was easy to the ears like how the taste of butter cake is to the tongue, or the scent of vanilla to the nose. Not smothering his senses, but bringing a smidge of sweetness into his vision that blurred and unfocused.
He had calmed down considerably more now, but Lukas could feel his throat was hurting, and his breaths didn’t come out quite right; it annoyed him slightly as he tried to take a deep breath in only for him to choke up. As Lukas was gently lulled back to reality by Jesse, he heard his voice speak up again, his tone a little more nervous. “Lukas, it’s okay, it’s fine. I’m here.” Jesse shifted to get a little closer, and Lukas was quick to respond, wrapping his arms around him. Jesse seemed shocked for a millisecond, but quickly held him tightly. Lukas sobbed quietly at the warm feeling of being held by the person he so admired. He couldn’t believe that Jesse didn’t think of him as weak, he assumed he must’ve, no matter how generous or empathetic he was.
Lukas lost count for how long they had stayed like that, not like he was counting in the first place. Jesse awkwardly pulled away and Lukas averted his eyes, gratitude welling to the surface as tears as he tried to wipe them away. “Are you… better now?” Jesse asked, his expression showing nothing but genuine concern. Lukas felt a pang of guilt for thinking such a pure soul like him would ever shun him.
“I’m... I could be better,” Lukas admitted in a quiet mutter. His bones felt weak and his limbs were like that of a rag doll. Jesse smiled gently and Lukas felt his heart flip against his will, his tired brain almost completely ignoring it. Lukas watched as Jesse hastily reached into his pockets, pulling out a red apple, glistening in the rising moonlight.
“Here. It’s not cake, but I heard something sweet is good after having a panic attack,” Jesse said, his last two words coming out a little uncertain as if he didn’t want to mess it up. Lukas thought he looked rather cute. He took the apple with a grateful nod, reinforcing Jesse’s expression to a more friendly one than nervous.
“Who told you that?” Lukas asked curiously, taking a bite. The taste was so naturally sweet, and it had a satisfying crunch when he bit down. Lukas’ voice was still a little shaky, and his hands held a slight tremor but it was slowly subsiding the more he talked with Jesse. Meanwhile, the brunette chuckled quietly, as if they both already knew the answer.
“Petra, of course. She knows… practically anything.” Jesse had a fond smile on his face, but it was hard for Lukas to discern if it were fondness for him, who had just suffered from a mental breakdown or for Petra, who had been suffering all this time with wither sickness. For some reason, Lukas felt a sense of… something… overcome him at the thought of the latter, as unreasonable as it was. “Anyway… want to talk about it?” Jesse asked, swiftly changing the subject. It seemed neither of them wanted to linger on the topic of their sick friend, or Jesse wanted to focus on Lukas which he found was a nice thought to think. He thought about his question, staring down at his lap. He felt ashamed. He did feel ashamed, somehow the words left his lips as freely as water fell from a waterfall to a plunge pool.
“To be honest, I was- I am scared,” Lukas corrected, making eye contact with Jesse. His bright blue eyes met Jesse’s chocolate brown, and for that split second he felt a splash of colour ripple through his mind, currently bleak from exhaustion. “I know, it’s a stupid thing to say, we all are, but-”
“No, no it’s fine!” Jesse quickly said, interrupting Lukas. “I’m… pretty stressed too. I don’t blame you at all. I’m just glad I was there for you.” Was it just his delirious mind, or did it sound like Jesse was glad it was him that was there for Lukas? The blonde felt strangely giddy at the idea, but on second thought Lukas figured that he was just incredibly tired and delusional after having a breakdown like that.
“Yeah, me too, I guess.” Lukas offered a gentle smile, savouring another bite of the apple gifted by Jesse. The pair sat in silence with no other words being needed to say. Jesse shifted to sit next to Lukas, allowing the blonde to rest his head on his shoulder and making sure to adjust his position so Lukas would stay comfortable against his body. Once Lukas finished his apple, he let out a quiet sigh while getting closer to Jesse who responded by cautiously wrapping an arm around his waist, keeping him secure. Lukas was too tired to push his touch away, and it wasn’t like he hated it either. He felt a little awkward, but not uncomfortable and he was sure Jesse felt the same. The moment felt soft, an anchor in this chaos and something told Lukas that he wasn’t going to forget this any time soon.
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Olivia woke up of her own accord, thankfully, since she was the last person to take shift watching over the group. She was used to getting up early, and this stress wasn’t helping keep her mind at rest either. She was sure mad at Jesse for not waking her up; they could’ve been in a lot of trouble if no one had been awake for even those few hours before sunrise. However, when she laid her weary eyes on the reason, she didn’t really feel like talking about it anymore, maybe I could use it as blackmail later, she thought with a devious grin.
She walked past the two boys who were still close to each other and fast asleep, propped up against the cave wall. Lukas’ head was limp against Jesse’s shoulders, leaning against the brunette as dried tear marks stained his cheeks, the left one slightly squished at the contact. Meanwhile Jesse had an arm loosely around Lukas, his legs stretched out without a care in the world.
Maybe things would turn out okay in the end, one day.