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In hindsight, the hippo-shaped mall Santa should have been her first sign of trouble.
Then if April somehow missed the towering, “definitely not a mutant hippo” figure seated on a chair that could barely support his weight, then the oddly positioned LED screens around the “pop-up North Pole” should have been her second clue.
And if she somehow missed the first two clues, her final indicator that something grinchy was afoot should have been that Santa’s elves were all wearing odd goggles with LED lights on the lens.
But April missed all of those warning signs. Though who could blame her?
She’s trying to enjoy a day out with her dear boyfriend who, apparently, has never experienced the “anxious yet thrilling joy” of going Christmas shopping in a bustling mall. Sure, he's ventured out with his brothers a few times to buy Christmas gifts. However, the trips never lasted long enough for Donnie to, quote, “truly experience the atmosphere of holiday cheer and endlessly searching for the perfect gift.”
So when Donnie leaped straight up into the ceiling when April asked him to go holiday shopping with her last week, she knew she had to make this trip special.
Pity that damn hippo had other plans for their shopping visit.
“Do you really have nothing better to do five days before Christmas?!” April screams as she roundhouse kicks one of his brainwashed elves to the side.
“No, not really!” Hypno giggles, a far too gleeful glint in his eye. “Besides, how else am I supposed to get gifts while maximizing holiday chaos?”
Well, he’s certainly accomplished the chaos part of his mission so far.
Over the screams and shouts of the panicked crowd, the phrase, “Christmas is not coming this year! Give your gifts back to Santa!” blares from the speakers. A similar message flashes on the LED monitors, paired with a cartoon image of Hypno’s head wearing a Santa hat.
This, of course, sent several kids into full-blown meltdowns, with parents desperately trying to assure their kids that they will still be getting gifts this year. Just… maybe not from evil hippo Santa. Definitely not from evil hippo Santa.
And to top it off, the elves—their faces blank and LED goggles swirling red and green—are hunting down and wrestling purchased gifts from other mall-goers.
But if April were to be honest… this is still not as bad as the Black Friday she worked a few years back. Somehow.
“How dare you disrupt the festivities and the holiday spirit, you Artiodactyl Grinch!” Donnie shouts as he leaps toward Hypno from behind a comically large present sack, a rocket attached to the top of his bō.
The fake Santa whips around and catches the head of the rocket in his bare hands. A smirk spreads across his snout as he uses the rocket to hurl the softshell away, the latter screeching as he collides with a stack of large cardboard gift props.
April shouts his name as she runs toward him. But before she can reach him, a pair of brainwashed elves quickly block her path. They try to grab her, and one of them holds a spare pair of those goggles.
“Oh hell no!”
Thankfully, the unwilling humans Hypno recruited for his dastardly plans are certainly no April O’Neil. She quickly knocks them out but has the decency to at least leave their knocked-out bodies out of harm's way—she’s not a Grinch, after all.
She returns to her original mission, hopping over the fallen fold-up chairs, velvet stanchion ropes, and comically large candy canes. She reaches the pile of colorful gifts just as a three-fingered hand shoots up out of them, a dramatic call for help resounding from beneath the pile of colorful cardboard. She grabs it immediately and halls her purple-clad boyfriend out.
“You good?” April asks as she brushes pieces of wrapping paper and cardboard from Donnie’s purple winter jacket.
“I’m fine,” Donnie states as he twirls his bō and looks at the frantic scene before them. “We need to find a way to stop him! He’s ruined the ‘atmosphere of holiday cheer’ for me, and I will NOT tolerate this.”
“Yeah. Well, he’s currently being guarded by some of his elves.” April points out as she gestures toward the hippo and his unfortunate crew.
Hypno, of course, pays them no mind as he barks out orders to the other elves stuffing one of the sacks full of stolen merchandise.
April looks at the softshell and quirks an eyebrow. “Got any ideas?”
Donnie hums, “He has to have a device on him transmitting one of his hypnotic spells, allowing him to control the monitors, speakers, and his unlucky lackeys. But if we can’t get close to him, there’s no way I can turn it off!”
April’s brow furrows as she bites her lip, looking around the concourse for anything useful.
Her eyes land on a miraculously untouched table loaded with urns and a poster with the phrase, “Free Hot cocoa!” propped up next to it.
A devious grin spreads across April’s face, and she points out the find to him. “Think you can work your magic with the hot cocoa while I distract the hippo?”
Donnie initially furrows his brow before the realization dawns on his face. He turns to his girlfriend with an equally maniacal smirk dimpling his cheeks. “Oh, with pleasure!”
The duo breaks off, with Donnie racing towards the urns while April runs in the opposite direction, picking up one of the candy canes and twirling it around in her hand like a baseball bat.
She gets in Hypno’s line of sight. “Hey! Hippo Grinch!” April shouts, waving her arm around dramatically. “So whatcha gonna do with those gifts? Dump ‘em off the side of a mountain?”
“Hahaha! No.” Hypno places a hand on his chest and gestures to the gifts with the other. “These will all be for Warren and I. Our new mansion is woefully unfurnished. These gifts will be the perfect housewarming gift for us.”
April pauses and tilts her head. “Wait. Soooo… stealin’ clothing, jewelry, toys, electronics, and whatever else shoppers have will fix the lack of furniture in your house?”
Hypno opens his mouth and raises a finger but freezes, his eyes widening as he realizes his plan doesn’t quite solve his problem.
As the hippo stalls, April shifts her gaze behind him. Donnie’s still busy fussing with the hot cocoa urns, his goggles covering his eyes as he analyzes… something. Honestly, she’s not sure what he’s exactly doing.
But she needs to stall for just a bit longer.
April brings her bat up to a swinging position. “Guess your mansion will have to remain unfurnished and presentless!”
That breaks Hypno out of his stupidity trance. “Oh no you don’t missy! You lot, attack!”
Brainwashed elves stumble forward to protect him as April leaps into action. She swings her candy cane with practiced ease, knocking down minion after minion and inching closer to the fake Santa.
She knocks out the final brainwashed human, letting them fall to the floor in a crumpled heap. She cringes, knowing that her adversaries are in for a world of pain and confusion as soon as they wake up.
Hypno turns around just as he finishes tying up one of the giant red sacks filled with stolen gifts. He gives her a funny look before his eyebrows shoot up upon seeing the pile of bodies surrounding her. “Oh my, you clobbered all of them. I should have known relying on the mall staff was a mistake.”
“That ain’t gonna be the only mistake you’ll make today!” April launches herself at him, candy cane whipped behind her head and ready for a smackdown. “Apriiiiiiiiil O’Nei-ack!”
Before she can deliver the ultimate whack to Hypno's massive head, one of his hands shoots out and grabs her makeshift bat.
He keeps her dangling in the air as his eyes narrow. “Well Missy, I will be taking these gifts one way or another, and if I don’t have my loyal minions–” he pulls out a set of those cursed hypnotic goggles from one of his coat pockets “–you’ll just have to fill in their shoes!”
Before Hypno can lay another finger on April, a sudden waterfall of hot cocoa rains down from behind, completely coating the hippo. He flails, letting go of her candy cane and attempting to fling the chocolatey drink off his body.
Something sparks in Hypno’s pocket, and smoke quickly emanates out of the top. The hippo shrieks as he rapidly smacks the pocket, trying to put the fire out while screaming, “Bollocks! No no no!”
But the damage is already done.
The message blaring from the speakers drops a couple of octaves before transforming into garbled static and eventually cutting out. The LED monitors turn off, and the black screens reflect the chaotic scene surrounding the mall’s North Pole. Any remaining elves who were not knocked out by April or mall shoppers are yanking the goggles off their heads and throwing them to the ground, some even going as far as smashing them underneath their shoes.
April, surprisingly free of hot cocoa stains, stands up and dusts herself off. Donnie runs up beside her, quickly checking her over and making sure she’s ok before surveying his hot cocoa handiwork on the hippo.
“You just had to ruin the holiday shopping experience for everyone, but especially me, didn’t you?!” Donnie growls as he readies his bō.
Hypno yanks a soaked tech device out of his pocket and throws it onto the floor, the equipment sparking pathetically as it hits the ground. The hippo then turns to the duo, pointing an accusing finger at them. “Now listen here! You…”
But his words die in his throat as the groans and grumblings of disgruntled mall workers and shoppers become louder. He looks around, the crowd glaring at the hippo grinch that dared to try and steal Christmas. Even the children—cheeks stained with tears and eyes still puffy—shake with righteous rage.
He chuckles nervously, “Crikey! This didn’t go according to plan.” He pulls out something from his pocket as he locks eyes with Donnie. “The next time I encounter you pesky turtles, I’ll have my revenge!”
He throws the object to the floor, which explodes and releases a thick blanket of red smoke and holiday glitter. The crowd hacks and coughs, wafting it away from their faces or stumbling away from the center of the concourse.
The smoke eventually clears, and Hypno is nowhere to be seen. One of the red sacks full of gifts that was closest to him is missing, but everything else seems to be accounted for. A couple of people rush over to the remaining bags, untying the red and green rope and rooting around to find their stolen merchandise. Others quickly follow, everyone trying to repossess their stolen gifts.
“Well, guess we saved Christmas, sort of.” April watches the scene in front of them before turning to the softshell beside her. “Soooo… wanna continue shopping?”
Donnie sighs dramatically, “No, the festive holiday cheer has been ruined for me.”
April’s shoulders slump as she looks at her best friend, who looks equally as dejected about the whole situation.
Man, so much for a fun holiday shopping spree.
They start to make their way out of the disordered and chaotic North Pole. But before they can step off the set, something tugs at the bottom of Donnie’s jacket.
“Hmm?” The softshell stops and looks down to see a child, dried tears staining his cheeks but his eyes sparkling up at him in awe.
“Excuse me? Did you defeat evil Santa?”
Donnie, still feeling dejected, responds briefly, “Yes.”
“Really?!” The kid whips around and yells, “See? I told you they defeated evil Santa!”
Donnie looks up and notices a gaggle of kids staring at them from a few feet away. Upon hearing that the strange green person defeated their ultimate holiday nemesis, they swarm the couple, bursting with questions.
“How’d you do it?!”
“Did you incinerate him?!”
“No, he threw hot cocoa on him, dummy.”
“Did you incinerate him with the hot cocoa?!”
The softshell's furrowed, drawn-on eyebrows relax as the kids keep talking, arguing amongst themselves how this not-grinch green man defeated evil Santa. A smile even turns the his lips upward.
Well, if he can’t experience the atmosphere of pure holiday cheer while shopping for holiday gifts, inflating his ego with the praise and adoration of his child fans will do.
“Baah-bup-bup!” The kids quickly fall silent as the softshell garners their attention. “I can tell you all about how the evil hippo Santa was defeated today, saving Christmas!”
“Hey! Don’t forget about me,” April butts in, making sure that her efforts are not left out of whatever fantastical tale her boyfriend is about to spin.
He turns to her with a smile on his face. “I would never!”
He turns back to the gaggle of kids and tells his tale, providing a perfect distraction for the kids while parents relocate their hippo-snatched gifts. April chimes in occasionally, providing some extra drama and suspense for Hypno’s inevitable downfall.
“Well, I'm sorry you didn’t get the holiday outing you wanted,” April says as she walks into the living room, carrying a charcuterie board of various meats, cheeses, crackers, and other bite-sized snacks.
“It’s alright, April,” Donnie says before taking a sip of his steaming cup of rich hot cocoa, topped with a peppermint candy cane and a heaping pile of mini marshmallows, “Getting the adoration of fans for our valiant efforts made up for it in the end.”
April playfully rolls her eyes as she sits down next to Donnie on the couch. She pops a few pieces of fruit into her mouth before grabbing her own mug of hot cocoa to drink from.
The two sit in relative silence for a few minutes, simply enjoying each other’s presence. A stream of a crackling fire plays on the TV, and there are a few lit candles on the coffee table in front of them, adding to the cozy ambiance in the room. Christmas decorations—from garlands covered in fake red berries to a Christmas tree completely covered in lights and unique glass ornaments—add to the festive vibes, turning the living room into the perfect holiday escape.
It’s the first year April’s completely decorated for Christmas on her own, and she’s honestly quite proud of how everything turned out. She takes a sip from her drink, humming approvingly.
Donnie clears his throat. “Well, despite the disastrous shopping trip, I did manage to get you something. Consider it a prelude to your official Christmas gift though, as the other part of your gift will be late.”
April quirks up an eyebrow. “A prelude? What, is my other gift shipping from Switzerland?”
Her boyfriend’s mouth opens in shock as his drawn-on eyebrows shoot up. He then attempts to quickly recover, a blush spreading across his face as he waves her off. “What? Noooo, definitely not! Your gift is definitely not shipping from Switzerland, and it is definitely not currently stuck in transit. Nope, definitely not.”
She chuckles, mildly surprised that she correctly guessed where her gift was coming from. However, she doesn’t know what he bought her, as she doesn’t remember asking for any specific gift from Switzerland.
But she decides she’ll let that remain a mystery. Gifts are supposed to be a surprise, after all.
“Alright, what did you get for me today?” April sits up straight and turns her body toward him.
Donnie sets his mug down with a soft clink on the table before leaning over the side of the couch. The paper bags rustle as he takes them off the floor and brings them to the center of the couch.
“I bought two things." Donnie holds out one of the gifts for her. "Open this one first.”
She sets down her mug and graciously accepts it, gently removing the white tissue paper. A soft gasp leaves her lips as the bag's contents are revealed.
“No way! Candles from Lux Lumina?” She pulls one of the candles from the bag and brings it to her nose. “Oh, and it’s my favorite scent too.”
“They all should be!” The softshell puffs his chest out a little. “I kept a record of all the candles you’ve used throughout the year, and I bought the ones you commented on enjoying the most.”
April takes out the remaining two candles and smiles as familiar scents greet her nose. “Oh, these were definitely my top three, thanks Dee.”
He smiles. “You’re very welcome, April.”
Donnie waits as his girlfriend sets down all her candles on the table, arranging them in a neat triangle before he holds out the second gift, one hand supporting the bottom while the other holds the handle.
April takes it, surprised at how light the package is compared to the first. She removes all the tissue paper and stares inquisitively at the simple white box with a yellow bow at the bottom of the bag. She carefully takes the box out, unties the ribbon, and pops the lid open.
“Oh! It’s cake!” She exclaims as she sets it down on the coffee table, undoing the hooks inside the box so that it can lay flat.
It’s a small cake, about six inches in diameter, covered in white frosting and golden sprinkles. But the small flag topper with the unique duck logo instantly tells her it’s the fancy gourmet pastry store in the mall. She’s never tried anything from the small bakery, but Sunita’s given it nothing but glowing reviews!
And just remembering Sunita’s monologues about the shop’s pastries pushes April off the couch. “Hold on, let me grab a knife.”
She runs into the kitchen and rifles through her drawers until she finds her cake knife, forks, and two plates. She returns to the living room, setting down the two plates before focusing on the cake.
It’s not long before two neatly cut slices are placed perfectly onto the dishes. April picks up both plates and attempts to hand one over to Donnie.
The softshell shakes his head. “I cannot take a piece of your cake, April. It’s a gift for you.”
April gestures the plate toward him again. “Well, I would like to share a slice with you. So take the cake, or else.”
Donnie can’t tell if the threat is playful or serious, but he can’t refuse his girlfriend if she’s offering. He thanks her, takes the cake, and cuts off a piece with his fork though he hesitates to eat it. He gestures toward her plate expectantly.
She smiles and brings her plate closer, digging into her slice and getting a sizable piece balanced on her fork. She makes eye contact with him, and they eat their piece of cake at the same time.
Donnie, having ordered it specifically to April’s liking—as he taste-tested the shop's flavors a week prior—merely smiles upon tasting the delicious treat.
April, however, almost squeals in delight at how tasty the cake is. It’s a simple, perfectly moist chocolate with light, fluffy vanilla icing.
“Oh, this is delicious! Thanks again, Dee.” She takes another bite of her cake before continuing. “Sorry, I don’t have a ‘prelude’ to the gift I’m giving you on Christmas Day. Guess you’ll have to wait.”
“That’s ok,” Donnie says, watching April as she dives back into her cake, a gleeful smile on her lips and a sparkle in her eyes.
Her happiness and joy is a gift of its own.