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Vi heard her crying again.
It would soon be a year since Jinx lost Isha, and there wasn’t a night where she didn’t hear her sister sob at least a bit or, on the worst days, scream before falling asleep.
She wished she could help her more, but no matter what Vi said or did, the pain of losing a little sister was unbearable. She understood Jinx more than anyone. She’d also lost Powder once, and Isha brought her back.
Vi had many things to thank that kid for, and she would never get the chance to do it.
Gulping and swallowing her last bit of liquor she entered her sister’s room, which, as usual, was a mess of clothes, devices, makeup, plushies, and everything one could think of.
“Hey,” she muttered, walking cautiously through the room and sitting on the edge of Jinx’s bed. She rested a hand on her shoulder.
Jinx sniffled but didn’t come out of all the bedsheets she had over covering any light from grazing her eyes.
“Is there anything I can help you with?” Vi asked, her voice soft as it always was while comforting her sister.
Vi assumed Jinx moved her head under the covers, but she couldn’t see it clearly.
“I don’t know if you know, but I can’t see you.”
“And what do you want to see? My snots coming out of my nose while I dehydrate myself from the eyes?” Jinx said, her words muffled.
The older one chuckled but didn’t say anything. She just took her hand from her shoulder, and at this gesture, Jinx sat down immediately. Her knees were drawn to her chest, and the bedsheets were huddling up in her crossed arms.
“Weren’t you gonna spend the night at your girlfriend's?” Jinx asked.
“No, that’s tomorrow, you idiot,” Vi tried to tease her, but the blue-haired only shrugged and pulled her knees closer hiding her face between them and her arms.
“Does it ever get easier?”
Vi’s eyes widened at the sudden question. Jinx stared at her with teary eyes.
“What?”
“Losing a little sister.”
Her mouth hung open for a second, trying to make sense of the words and blocking the memories of the night she’d left Powder.
Yet the eyes Jinx had, glinting, reflecting the bluish light of the room didn’t help, it was one of those moments where she knew behind everything the girl she remembered was still there.
Powder’s heart was still there no matter how much Jinx tried to deny it. Isha was the proof. A psychopath wouldn’t have taken care of a defenseless child the way she’d done.
Sighing she shook her head softly “I would like to say it does… But that would be one of the biggest lies you ever heard. No, it doesn’t get easier, you carry the pain with you every damn second, ‘til you get used to and it becomes a part of you.”
Jinx rested her forehead on her knees, hair falling at her side.
“I’m sorry,” she muttered. Vi was about to ask when she spoke again “To be that pain for you.”
This time she shook her head hard.
“No! That’s not what I said, you’re not a burden.” Vi reached for her hand and rested hers above them “I’m happy we’re together.”
Jinx impulsed herself to Vi, her whole slim body crashing against Vi’s torso and sobbing uncontrollably. Still, it was progress she hadn’t hallucinated in almost a month, perhaps she was already learning to live with the pain instead of holding on to it.
Vi tried her best to soothe her, passing her hands over her arms and back gently while she tried to steady her breath so Jinx could feel safe.
“I’m here, ok? I’m not gonna leave,” she reassured and felt her sister nod.
If only she could do more to end Jinx’s suffering, anything, Vi would do it.
She would take it if she had the chance to get Isha back. Because Isha accomplished something not even Vi herself could do, that kid had returned light to Jinx’s eyes and covered the hatred in her heart with pure love and care.
Jinx trembled in her arms, gasping for air as tears traced her cheeks and jawbone before falling to the mattress. Vi combed her hair with her fingers doing her best to be comforting and helpful while still feeling completely useless.
Even if she knew the strangling pain of losing a sister her process of grieving was nothing like Jinx’s.
Perhaps it was that prison forced her to always be on high alert that she discharged all that pain into punches and fights, or perhaps it was just her way of coping, but she saw none of that in Jinx.
She was the opposite, instead of looking for fights, she avoided going outside for more than a few hours and spent most of her days here, in a small place Vi found for both of them.
Ekko visited almost every day and stayed with Jinx for hours and hours, sometimes talking and sometimes doing nothing but staring at the ceiling. Vi also did whatever she could to distract her, either that meant slightly teasing her or reminding her about all her unfinished weapons displayed all around the place.
Even Sevika came three times a week to check if Jinx needed anything and ensure she ate enough.
Yet Jinx was too consumed by pain and self-hatred actually to do much and Vi was running out of ideas to make her stay.
With every passing day, the fear of losing her became bigger; it crawled at her skin.
She couldn’t lose her by any means.
Even if she was partially gone already, Vi wouldn’t let her slip from her grasp. She had done it once and looked where they ended.
“I love you,” she whispered, kissing the top of Jinx’s blue hair.
She didn’t expect an answer, really, it was just a habit Vi established, every night she whispered "I love you" to her sister to make her remember she would always have someone who looked out for her, and that no matter what, Vi wouldn’t ever, give up on Jinx.
You are loved, Vi wanted Jinx to remember that always. No matter what, she'll always have someone who loves her.
“I love you too, sis,” answered Jinx, inching closer to her sister.
The sobs finally fading. Though her erratic breath was still there, it was slowly going back to normal beats.
Sooner rather than later Jinx was asleep in her arms.
Careful and slow, Vi tucked her into bed and covered her with the bedsheets.
Not even sleeping was her expression peaceful, her lips and brow were furrowed, and she complained in her sleep.
Sighing Vi lay beside her and wrapped her fingers around Jinx’s wrist, making sure she had a pulse. It was a silly and overprotective gesture, she knew.
She’d been so close to losing Jinx so many times that it felt necessary because even after all that they’d gone through they were still sisters.
Jinx was her little sister and Vi would do anything to protect her just as she’d promised Vander.