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It was stupid, honestly.
Ken maintained his delinquent persona pretty well, but it was becoming more and more difficult as he continued to fall harder for some guy he’s never truly interacted with. Nakamura, who, when he first arrived in the middle of the school year, told everyone to call him Tsuki, was an average guy. Nothing special about him besides miraculously getting Moca to be friends with him.
So, after years of retaining his quiet, unfazed personality, why was he just now developing sudden feelings? Well, it’s due to a single interaction from a few months prior.
Ken had just been minding his own business, headphones shoved into his ears as he walked to class when he was gently pushed forward. He whipped his head around to get a good look of the offender, meeting eyes with a face he’d never seen before. He had tanned skin and black hair tied into a small ponytail.
“Sorry, man,” he said before smiling and walking past him.
That was it, nothing serious. People bumped into him all the time (maybe not with a smile, but it happened nonetheless). He shouldn’t be replaying the scene in his head before he goes to bed and he definitely shouldn’t be staring at him from across the classroom like he was love-struck.
But now here he was, sitting in the back of the class being laughed at by Elfie, a girl who has yet to realize that her artsy friend in the front had fallen head over heels for her since their first year, while crushing on a guy he didn’t even know.
Tsuki (Elfie said his name was) was sitting near the window, his two friends surrounding him while they chatted. Chi and Moca or something like that?
“You’re burning holes into the back of his head,” Elfie said, observing his face, amused. “Never would I have thought that you’d get a crush on him of all people. I thought you would’ve liked, I don’t know, some punk girl from another school.”
Ken rolled his eyes and flipped her off, only for the gesture to be returned back from her. Even though he’d never say it out loud, he too expected to fall for some girl. Maybe a delinquent from Chidori or a sweet, soft girl from another class. Not his — good-looking? — classmate, let alone another guy.
“Is there something wrong with that?” Ken raised an eyebrow as if daring her to say yes.
“No! He’s a good guy. I just didn’t think he was your type.” Elfie said, looking up from her book. “He’s nice, I promise.”
Ken banged his head against his desk in agony, startling a few people around him. They looked at him with varying degrees of fear and concern. Elfie snorted at his suffering. She immediately stopped, however, and elbowed him in the chest.
He would have retaliated with a punch to the shoulder if it weren’t for the fact that Tsuki and his friends were staring at them. Moca looked unamused, but unexpectedly calm for the amount of times he’s lashed out at other people for being even the slightest bit annoying in his presence. Chi, on the other hand, had a glint in her eye that made Ken squirm. Did she overhear what they were talking about ?
Tsuki looked at him unfazed, a soft smile painting his face. The sunrays dancing on his skin didn’t help Ken with keeping up his persona and neither did the dimple on Tsuki’s right cheek.
“ Fuck ,” Ken whispered. Elfie burst out laughing.
This newfound crush was becoming a problem, Ken realized fairly quickly.
He was avoiding Tsuki in the hallways, getting distracted in class from all the staring he was doing, and — what Ken thinks is the most notable — he can’t stop thinking about him . He wakes up? Wonder if Tsuki’s going to look at him today. Dinner time? Hm, what’s Tsuki’s favorite food? He’s going to sleep? Tsuki’s arms. And, dammit, his arms .
The only information he had on Tsuki was all given to him by Elfie. She told him that Tsuki lives on a farm with his grandparents and works long hours in the sun not too far out. That would explain his toned arms and tanned skin. Ken shook the thought of his muscles and leaned further into his chair.
The more Ken observed his crush’s movements, the more information he gathered. Like how Tsuki has a sarcastic sense of humor or that he’s into interior design. All little quirks that Ken would’ve never known if it weren’t for this stupid infatuation for his classmate.
Don’t get him wrong. He’s not a love-hater, necessarily. It’s just that the pain of knowing that he’ll never be able to reach this guy is agonizing, but the idea of never telling him how he feels is too much to bear. The entire idea of pining is such a pain in the ass.
Elfie seems to realize this too when Ken finally tells her he’s actually thinking of telling him. Surprisingly, she doesn’t make fun of him and, rather, she tells him to go for it. It’s unlike him, yes, but if it’ll get these feelings off his chest, then he’ll take it.
“Tsuki isn’t the kind of guy to make fun of people,” Elfie tells him later. “You’ll be fine.”
It hits Ken later when he’s in bed that night. Does Tsuki even like guys?
…Fuck.
Ken comes up with a plan at lunch. It’s just in and out. Confess and be done with it. (Ken’s never felt this tense regardless of the amount of fights he’s gotten himself into with other schools).
“You.. You plan on cornering him after school?” Elfie looked at him incredulously. “You sound like you’re going to beat him up!”
Ken looked up from where he was picking his food and glared at Elfie, pointing his spoon at her. “No, it doesn’t. ‘Sides, it’s not like I want to fight him or anything.”
“Yeah, sure, but cornering him? You couldn’t sound any more ominous.”
Ken rolled his eyes, his gaze landing to his right and over at a neighboring table. Coincidentally, that’s exactly where Tsuki and his two friends were sitting . The other two were arguing about who-knows-what while Tsuki watched, clearly amused at his friends’ antics. Tsuki’s eyes wandered before they met him.
Ken flinched. Tsuki looked at him blankly before he cracked a smile. It wasn’t bright like he'd seen him with his friends. Instead, it was soft and sugary. It feels personal, like it’s their secret.
He felt his face immediately heat up and he looked away like he had just been burnt. He stuffed his face into his calloused hands, ignoring the teasing from Elfie, who had witnessed the entire thing.
He was so fucked.
To no one’s surprise, Ken chickened out. He skipped out on his typical way back home and instead chose to go Elfie’s way.
She rolled her eyes at the clear display of defeat plastered on Ken’s face. “Are you serious right now?”
“Don’t act like you could do any better,” Ken huffed. His backpack was slung on his shoulder as he lazily kept up with Elfie’s steps. “It- just didn’t feel like the right time, okay?”
“Yeah, yeah,” Elfie said. She looked deep in thought before looking straight at him. “Maybe you should try writing a letter, You won't have to worry about talking to him straight up and it’s sweeter than a text.”
Ken would’ve said something about how he doesn’t even have Tsuki’s number if not for the fact that Elfie’s suggestion didn’t sound half-bad.
A letter, huh? Yeah, he could definitely do that.
Turns out, writing a love letter was harder than people made it out to be. Pouring out all your feelings onto a piece of paper was better than telling him upfront, sure, but he had forgotten that he was pretty crap at writing.
Ma didn’t raise you to be a coward, Ken.
An hour or two later of writer’s block and embarrassment, Ken was sealing the envelope with a cheap prize sticker ( “Good Job!” ) and very carefully decorating the front with the best doodles he’s ever conjured up.
The note wasn’t amazingly long, filling up only the front of the page. He had borrowed his mother’s pretty stationary for this occasion, narrowly avoiding her questions on why he was putting so much effort into a “homework assignment” (that conversation was for another day).
He planned on slipping it into Tsuki’s getabako tomorrow morning and waiting. If he didn’t get an answer, that was that. He wouldn’t do anything else. If that’s what fate wants, that's what fate’s going to get.
It was just a matter of time until he royally screwed things up.
Ken felt a tap on his shoulder as he trudged through the hallways, pacing in hopes of getting rid of his anxious thoughts.
“Hey, Ken?” said an all too familiar voice. Ken whipped his head around only to be staring at Tsuki. Ken had a few inches over him, so his head always tilted to look at him face to face.
“Tsuki-”
“I got your letter,” Tsuki said. His face was tinged pink and he was fiddling the hem of his shirt. Ken mirrored his actions, looking redder than usual. “Let’s go someplace else.”
Ken followed Tsuki into the boy’s bathroom and watched patiently as Tsuki checked each of the stalls in case of any people. After a second or two of silence, Tsuki looked up with reddening cheeks. Ken's letter was crumpled up in his fist.
Tsuki looked as if he was struggling to find the right thing to say.
“Look, Tsuki,” Ken said. “You don’t have to say ye-”
“I want to.’
Ken’s eyes grew wide while his mouth parted in silent surprise. “What?”
“I like you, too, Ken,” Tsuki said, his eyes not meeting Ken’s. It took a few seconds for Ken to truly process what he was hearing, but when it did, it ran him over like a truck.
“You- do?”
Tsuki nodded, his face continuing to redden. “Yeah, and I’d like to go on that date you mentioned.”
Ken paused for a second, the world feeling like it was coming to a stop. Was that a yes he just heard? This wasn’t some prank?
“You’re not just sayin’ this because you pity me?”
Tsuki’s nose scrunched, confused. “Of course not, why would I do that?”
Ken blushed and looked away. He then felt a gentle hand on his shoulder and found himself looking at Tsuki’s brown pools that he called eyes. “Thanks for telling me, Ken.”
Ken nodded shyly. “Does, uh, does Friday after school work for ye?”
“Yeah,” Tsuki said, a smile blooming onto his face. “I’m looking forward to it.”
Tsuki waved as he walked away, pushing open the bathroom door. Ken could hear Chi’s voice from afar calling over her friend.
Ken chuckled. He turned to stare at himself in the bathroom mirror and beamed. This went way better than he imagined.