Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Srrch. Step. Step. Step. Srrch. Srrch.

Normally such a graceful walker, in control of everything mere humans couldn’t comprehend to grasp, now her steps were irregular as a heartbeat with arrhythmia. One minute they were quiet steps, the next her shoes scraped against the concrete ground ever so lightly. It wasn’t enough to draw attention, not like the sensation of nails on a chalkboard. Yet it was enough to be called to attention to anyone who was close, herself included. She could make an excuse for the fact that her steps adapted from her constant trudging through harsh, snow-ridden environments of the north. Yet, there was no snow here. At least, not yet anyways. Instead, given the time of year it was, autumn was in full effect. 

The fauna that still remained and bloomed around the husks of destroyed buildings glinted from the light of the moon, its beams highlighting a crisp mixture of browns, reds, and yellows. Complimenting this clear night sky was a light, but very chilly breeze that whisked away the leaves. All the while this Pilgrim of white glistened and stood out like a sore thumb, appearing as a ghost. A lone specter wandering the night, and yet it wasn’t October, where such spooky sightings would be appropriate.

No, it was just late November, right on the cusp of December. There was not even a single drop of rain nor snow, nor even pellets of hail coming down. Hardly what you could call extreme weather. It was quite pleasantly moderate despite the chill. So then, it begged the question: what in God’s name was causing her to suddenly drag her feet around occasionally? Was it the fatigue from the journey?

Maybe. She had been known to skip rest sessions. The truth however, was…no, not really. If history has shown anything, Snow White could adapt quite easily to taking down Raptures in any environment, fatigue be damned. Her willpower was just that strong. Even if her appearance against the dull gray of the worn out cityscape was the very definition of “anti-camouflage”, she could lighten her footsteps. She would be as quiet as a mouse, scurrying throughout the ruins to take guerilla-esque potshots. Those Raptures wouldn’t know what hit them. What was making her gait so erratic then?

The answer was simple: her thoughts.

I should keep going. No, I shouldn’t. I’m responsible for…and the Mage’s Zone too. Those Ark Nikkes…they…

Back and forth, back and forth. The way her own mind was constantly fighting itself was like a ping pong match. One side pulled at her to keep her distance, that she had more important things to worry about. Her strength was one that was keeping the tide of this constant war from being a one-sided brutal wipeout of all humanity. Not to mention the constant guilt nipping at her in the back of her mind in her failure to protect Marian from Chatterbox. She admits sometimes she had a hard time even looking at the Counters because of it. No matter if Marian is safe and still very much alive.

The other side was the one she fought hard to repress. The internal desire to see him once more, not unlike Marian’s bawling during the journey with the others of Pioneer squad. She knew he didn’t bite, didn’t treat her as subhuman, nor was he like the Nikkes that saw her as like a living Greek demigod. To him, she was just as human as he was and was a dear friend. It gave her precious inklings she thought long lost of the once Legendary Commander and how he treated her. Only, well, minus all the teasing like the cheek pinching and hair ruffling (not that she hated the former). 

Her mind therefore was a constant, perfect, stalemate. So many pros, yet really sharp cons that stabbed at her conscience. She thought it would stop her in her tracks and keep her wrought with indecision and hesitation. Until that is, she realized she was face-to-face with one of the massive boundary walls surrounding the place known as the Outpost. One of the last human-held areas of the surface, and a so-called “haven for Nikkes” as he, the Commander, once put it.

She may have thought the two voices inside were fighting, and that was why she was having such trouble keeping her consistent walk. But the reality is she was still stepping towards it unconsciously. It was like her mind was throwing this tantrum to pretend that’s not the outcome of what her body had already accepted. That outcome being, she wanted to see him again.

She sighed. Might as well get this visit over with, right? She bounded up into the air after a staunch crouch, constantly jumping from the wall to a nearby building and back. The way she flew from building to building and back to the wall, it was so fascinating. The flapping of her cape almost made her seem like a graceful swan soaring through the air. A certain game obsessed Nikke or two would’ve made amusing comments on her looking like a certain plumber or blue hedgehog the way she bounded from wall to wall. 

Alas, like all great dances of ballet, this act had to come to a close. Unfortunately, this ending was anything but the dainty precision of before. She landed on the top of the wall’s watchtower position with a loud thud, shaking it greatly. Had it been made of lesser materials, the impact would’ve definitely created a small crater. Thankfully, whoever designed this wall had a functioning head on their shoulders.

“BWAAA!”, one of the Nikkes cried out, completely startled and dropping their coffee, courtesy of Cafe Sweety. The milky brown liquid spilt all over the floor and spread out all over. She whined and slammed her fist down on the table, placing a large dent on it. She cursed under her breath but thanked the stars none of the coffee managed to spill even a drop on her Royal Road clothes.

She turned over to the Nikke, recognizing her instantly. Who else had turquoise twin-tails for hair? “Sorry, Privaty.”

“Warn someone next time you’re going to do that, Snow White! Or maybe text someone to come get you for transport?!”

“Sorry. That takes too much time.”

“I get you’re busy and all, but seriously. Warn me next time before you do that! I saw you earlier and could’ve gotten someone if you’re in that much of a hurry.”, she huffed out, her face red and her teeth grinding slightly. “Nearly hurt me too!”, she grumbled, patting off the metallic dust from her nice clothing.

“Right. Sorry. By the way, you might wanna fix that.”, she pointed and then bowed apologetically before bursting off again towards the inside of the wall, the outskirts of the Outpost. She didn’t even turn to see the twin tailed girl get even redder from embarrassment after seeing the table’s very much not hidden nor subtle dent. She landed on the street and continued walking, waving silently to the occasional A.C.P.U. unit out on night patrol.

It was always a pleasure for other Nikkes to see Snow White again. Usually anyways, but nobody really knew why she came in the middle of the night. As much as her mind wouldn’t like to believe it, she had been coming here at the same time every other Friday night into the Outpost. It was well into the night too. Not 9, 10 or 11 PM. She always visited around midnight to 2 in the morning. Practically the next day already.

She wouldn’t know this because she would be gone before the next sunset even arrived, but the few that managed to spot her that weren't A.C.P.U. (they tended to mind their own business when it came to Pilgrims) began to theorize and create rumors for why she came. Maybe it was a midnight snack run? Was she watching over the place like a mysterious spirit, a guardian angel? Some went so far to say she would take out Raptures the night shift couldn’t find with her bare hands and scare them off. This of course would be laughed off as a ridiculous conspiracy. Only one Nikke was capable of that, and she had been long gone.

Not like she ever heard these gossips, and even if she did, it was doubtless she would give zero care to it. Life in her eyes had more important things going on than what some nosy busybodies whispered behind closed doors. Regardless if that said “life” involved endless killing of the Rapture menace.

Besides, none of these sayings were even a quarter way close to the truth behind these visits. And what was that? All she cared to acknowledge regarding this fact was one thing. No one could torture it out of her. Why? Because quite frankly, it was an embarrassment. 

She always came to… watch the Commander sleep.

Ok, maybe on second thought it’s not an embarrassment. It’s outright weird. Snow White knows to even think about it makes her wince. It’s one thing if they were together on a mission and they did it for each other at camp to keep one another safe at night. Like that one time when the elevator to the Ark broke and he was left stranded with no way back. That’s just obligatory mission details for nighttime guard duty to keep everyone safe. Nothing wrong about that.

It’s an entirely different matter, however, if Snow White would occasionally stop whatever she was doing, miles and miles away, just to come to the Outpost and watch the Commander sleep where he’s perfectly safe and at home. Which is exactly what she’s been doing just about every other week or so, sometimes for longer intervals. She likes to think it isn’t creepy at all. Besides, it’s not like she’s doing it to stalk the man, like a certain winged Eden Nikke. Considering how it’s a once in a blue moon event, it’s much too spaced out to be considered that. Every other weekend isn’t everyday, right? Plus, she always thought her intentions were nothing but pure. But when did this pattern all begin, anyhow? And why?

Well, Snow White always found it oddly calming to watch him sleep so peacefully ever since said broken elevator incident where she had to show him how to survive. Considering all the things they’ve done for each other, she felt a real connection she hasn’t had in God knows how long. She felt even her bond with her peers wasn’t like this, much less a connection to a human she’s avowed to protect. 

That’s not even beginning to mention how distant and off-putting she was to him initially. She basically called him dead weight if he couldn’t keep up, told him she couldn’t come back to the Ark even if she wanted to after being so different. She even once thought him to be stupid, coming to the north just to look for her when all she did was common courtesy. Yet to him, it didn’t matter. He kept going after her, and he always welcomed her with open arms. He even saved her life with her own gun despite being halfway to a cripple! It’s not even debatable, a human using a Nikke weapon is outright crazy and yet he still pushed himself to pay her back what he felt was his debt to her. With all of this in mind, there was no way she wouldn’t even be slightly fascinated with him.

So whenever her mind got fuzzy, depressed, consumed with anger, whatever darkness clouded her…watching him sleep was like a ray of sunshine. She didn’t need to interact, just being a one-sided onlooker basking in his presence was enough to warm her inside. It brought her comfort in trying times, like a nice warm meal after a long day. It’s been like that ever since she spent so much time with him on the surface after he got stranded, that exact moment when this feeling started. She still couldn’t comprehend the changes it brought her, even when she knew the answer to “Why?”, she still acted clueless. 

She paused both her inner voice and her walking pace to think about what she was telling herself just then. She blinked as she “looked” at where that train of thought led to. On second thought, maybe it is a little…obsessive. She could feel herself cringe at her own thoughts and dispelled them with a shake of the head. It’s not like that. She’s not…unhinged. Nor manic possessive.

Of all the things swarming around in her heart, there was not a single instance of her feeling like she just had to have him all to herself. She didn’t want to monitor his every breath or movement of facial muscle. She respected him too greatly to let herself have such a controlling choke hold on him. If anything, she desired for him to be free…to be happy, to do what he wants. And anyways, all of this is just to make sure he was safe, sound, and not beaten to Hell and back again. He’s by far the Ark’s greatest asset in the war since a long time, and to her, it’s imperative he survives to be a retired old man. Nothing more, nothing less.

Snapping back to reality, her sights were set on the command tower, just barely in view, gaudy architecture and all. The reflective panes of glass lined with golden corner wedges, its exceeding heights that reached towards the heavens. How could she not recognize it, coming here was practically instinctual now. She had the whole Outpost mapped out in her head, including routes for different conditions. The main roads if it wasn’t busy, through the bushes and alleys if there was a holiday party on the streets, etc.

She even pinpointed where the Commander’s room was usually set. That lavish suite, complete with the balcony view of the outpost. Normally she’d see it dark and with that balcony door closed, but zooming in, something was off. The lights were still out, but the door was now open. And then it hit her…

“Shit!”, she hissed in a whisper, quickly dashing into cover in the alleyway of some buildings that neared the command tower. She very slowly leaned around the corner and peeked at her target.

The man of the hour boldly comes out of the door. There he was, in his skivvies, standing on the balcony, leaning on the railing and looking at the stars. She was close enough to see his odd posture, but couldn’t get a read on his face. His shoulders were slumped, his arms tucked towards each other, his legs just barely supporting him.

Well besides the fact that her curiosity has reached peak, this changes everything . What was now a simple visit for her totally not stalkerish behavior has turned into a stealth mission. Every alarm in her head was screaming “ABORT! ABORT! ABORT!”. She cursed her blindingly white color scheme and thanked whatever God was above that the Commander right now was oblivious to her.

She wished she had a cloak of urban camo right now so she could blend in perfectly with the roads and buildings. She could sneak out, romping around prone until she was out of sight. But nope, she just had to keep her snowy color scheme on from the North. And she couldn’t make a pit stop to change either or else she’d be late! Or perhaps was she too early? There’s no way right?

She checked the time. 00:30. Nope, right on time for her usual block. So that left one question.

What the hell is he doing still up?

So many questions, yet so little time. It all burned in the back of her mind because at the forefront, she was more concerned with getting out of a potentially bad situation. Snow White thought to maybe play the long game and just wait until he went away. Yet, she couldn’t. It defeated the entire purpose of her coming here, and she had important things to take care of. She couldn’t waste her self-allotted break time sitting here twiddling her thumbs, waiting until he fell back to sleep.  Snow decided to be risky by just leaving and playing it cool because it seemed his sights were set elsewhere, so the advantage of an unaware Commander would allow her to slink on by past his sight until she was just a blur. 

Unfortunately for her, she stepped out of the alleyway cover at the complete worst time. The result of the lack of virtue known as “patience”, and a rare instance of her making a tactical mistake. The last time she did…well…let’s just say she’s still beating herself up over it, as if it weren’t obvious enough. So out she came. She started walking at a brisk pace, fast like the rest of her comrades and pretended like nothing was wrong or happening.

However, the Commander spotted her. She didn’t know if she had a sixth sense, but it felt like there were a pair of eyes watching her, her neck was tingling with the idea. She ignored the feeling and pushed it down. She kept going, not even daring to look back and hoping to get away with the ghost sighting or hallucination excuse, but was stopped shortly by a rumble in her pocket. She prayed internally it wasn’t what she thought it was. After all, if it was, she’d be way too close to try any of those excuses. 

Please be Scarlet or something…

Nope. In a rare moment of actually checking her phone, she opened her blabla app with complete dread on her face to see what the new notification was. It was enough to put a stop to her walking entirely.

Commander (00:32 AM): I see you!

She turned around to see him waving at her from a distance, right on the balcony. If it wasn’t the middle of the night when most are sleeping, she’s willing to bet he’d be shouting her name. Her face was tinted pink. ”Dammit.”, she huffed. She couldn’t run away now, that’d be the epitome of rudeness. Might as well go up to his room and say hi since she was caught red-handed.

The door automatically slid open as she tenderly walked inside and set her weapon on the floor leaning against the wall, seeing the Commander right there as he walked towards her. The room was still dark, being lit only by the moonlight which poured in from the open balcony door. Having a closer glance, he wasn’t exactly just in his underwear. He had a shirt and a bathrobe on that was tied. At least he was somewhat modest enough or she’d be heating up right about now and biting her tongue to hide her embarrassment. She shifted her eyes towards the alluring shine of his tile floor from the moonlight instead. She was thankful for the fact that he must’ve put this on before she came up to make himself more decent before her.

“Hey there.”

All she could muster in response was a glance at his eyes and a nod. 

“It’s been a while. How’ve you been?”, he asked her, that usual soft, endearing, welcoming smile of his plastered on his face.

“...Good.”, her face remained blank. She had to keep her composure in this moment and completely ignore the fact that if that bathrobe wasn’t closed she’d see what kind and color his underwear was. Lest this all be a rerun of that moment in the surface hot springs when he was stranded. Just thinking about it made her eyes wander about his room attempting to get rid of the thought in her head. 

His room was pretty ordinary for a Commander, save for the occasional music poster and one odd action figure or incomplete model kit or two. A portable music player, a computer that was turned off. There was a nice desk, a couple of love seat couches surrounding a coffee table, and a very large bed that was pretty messy from signs of tossing and turning. But her gaze went back to the trinkets, the figures, the poster and tech gadgets. She had no idea what any of this stuff was. The best she surmised was it was Ark culture, and this only made her feel out of place.

“What’re you doing here this late, Snow White?”, he asked, putting his hands on his hips as if he were a sitcom friendly neighbor.

“Could ask you the same question.”

He was taken aback by the retort but only for a moment before rubbing the back of his neck and cracking it a couple times. “Got me there. I uh…couldn’t sleep.”

“I figured. Too much coffee?”

His smile went from friendly to sheepish and his eyes turned away from her. “Nope. I wish it was caffeine.”

“What, then? You were able to sleep on the dirt.”, she recalled the time she trained him in the art of survival.

“I…don’t know honestly. It could be a lot of things. Just kinda stressed lately, I guess.”, she nodded and hummed in a response equivalent to “I see” without actually saying it.

Normally, Snow wasn’t one to care much about feelings or talk outside of pure purpose-driven cause. The last time she barged in his room in the middle of the night like this, it was to give him the bullet full of Vapaus. She remembered one of those monthly meetings with the others where Scarlet, in her drunken yet somehow caring manner, bemoaned her inability to really talk to people. Times like this she noticed Scarlet was on the brain a lot, especially when it regarded improving her asocial behavior. Not even Rapunzel said as much. Maybe alcohol really is liquid courage.

It must be the power of the full moon tonight giving her the crazies because rather than practice with her comrades, she decided to wing it right here and now with the Commander. The earlier thought of liquid courage makes her entertain the idea that maybe Scarlet spiked her food with beer. No, wait, that’s stupid, Scarlet would never. The more likely explanation is the fatigue she managed to ignore for so long…again. After all, she was practically dragging her feet to get here.

“...You must have a lot on your mind. Wanna talk about it outside?”, she asked, deciding to be so bold against her stone frozen stance now slightly shifting in place. Despite all this bravery, it didn’t really mask the hesitation in her tone that led to this palpable awkwardness about the room. It was thick enough to be cut and served on toast, but he didn’t seem fazed by it. 

He probably wouldn’t mind the reasoning she had either. She didn’t hate the indoors, but being outside made her more comfortable in a time when she was really trying her best to open up. Besides, she felt less like a stranger in a strange land outdoors opposed to glancing about his room.

He then smiled. If anything, it seemed like he was genuinely pleased. Without realizing it, the mere sight of that smile melted away the tension in her body. “I was gonna ask. Come on, let’s go outside.”

The Commander zipped around on his heels in a complete 180 and led her to his balcony. Stepping out, the two were being immersed in the slight audible wind and other sounds of the night in the distance. Were there crickets and one off owls here too? It was unbelievable that the Ark could hold such a thing. And despite the lights of the city, you could still see the stars. It never polluted the sight.

She stood there while he took a seat in one of the two chairs, separated by a small table that rested on the balcony. The chairs were surprisingly clean and had puffy, comfy-looking gray cushions on them. “Wanna sit down?”, he was motioning to the other chair.

She contemplated it for a bit before shrugging. Sure, why not? She already decided to have a casual conversation with him in a relatively safe place. No need to check her weapon or anything. Besides, she could mask her stiltedness better sitting down. She took the seat next to him, feeling herself mold into the cushion and backing. She rested her arms on her lap, letting the arms of the chair wrap her securely. She looked out among the horizon with him, instinctively doing a double take to see if there were any Raptures. None. Perhaps she wasn’t entirely crazy, or at least not yet, if this old habit of hers wasn’t breaking.

For a short while, the two just sat in silence while the Commander took in the air in deep breaths, his eyes glued to the stars. Despite her joining in this activity, enveloping herself in the sights, internally she was willing to bet her stares were more mindless than he was. He was like that, always looking like his mind was bursting at the seams of such vivid imagination and wonder. In moments of stillness like this, she picked up on that glint in his eyes and came to appreciate it. She may have been initially brave, but it was clear she either didn’t want to talk again, or was completely out of the loop in whose turn it was. So, it was the Commander who broke through the quiet.

“I never get tired of it, y’know?”, his voice was just loud enough for the two of them to hear. Somehow never breaking the hallowed quiet between them and the ambience. “The view of the stars, the moon, the sun, the fresh air. The Ark?...It doesn’t even come close. Even with all the Raptures we face, I love this.”

She said nothing in response, taking in the awe of the night more mindfully this time with the Commander and listening to him contemplate the things in life that should be simple. She mapped out constellations in her mind whilst paying attention to his words. There was Orion’s belt. Then Ursa Major. She found herself almost agreeing with him. Yes…the stars are beautiful. In those moments in between battles, she seldom found herself glancing upon nature as Scarlet or he does. When she does though, much like him, she is reminded of the reason she fights. It’s not just for the people, but for the sake of the beautiful planet everyone holds dear.

A pause. The Commander speaks once more. “It’s the one thing I can take optimistically with this job. All the sights of the Earth. It’s all so…wonderful. It makes what I fight for worth it.”

How coincidental. It seemed they were on the same page. The only thing that made a difference was the time they thought it. Or well, maybe she wasn’t as optimistic as he was. She was more of a realist than anything. To add to the list of things she would never admit, she was almost jealous of the Commander in this regard. His mind was not tainted as hers was. Yet at the same time, she found more to admire about him than any petty envy or wishing to be the same. They were the same in goals and determination. That was enough for her.

He continued to stare at the stars with Snow White as he decided to resume the conversation topic from earlier. “Whenever I can’t sleep for whatever reason, or the job really stresses me out, I just take in this view, and everything goes away.”, and so came the explanation for why he was out on his balcony at midnight. Her head shifted slightly from side to side at his saying.

I know the feeling ., the tattered Nikke clad in white internally agreed. Of course, for her, in the moment she thinks this, it wasn't the stars she was looking at. She darted her head back towards them in case he looked back at her staring at him. The last thing she needed was something to exasperate the heavy atmosphere that came from her social shortcomings. Thankfully, he wasn’t even aware of her, just tunnel-visioned on those wondrous, twinkling stars in the night sky. Good. She wanted to savor every second of this moment. 

He let out an audible sigh. “Say, uh…is it alright if I vent to you?”

She blinked. The two never looked in each other’s direction, but there was no need. “I don’t see why not. That’s what we came out here for, right?”

He chuckled. “Right.”, how thoughtful of him to ask before dumping a load of his worries on her. He didn’t even need to, yet he still asked. She kept finding more reasons why everyone, including herself despite denial, was so infatuated with him.

“Lemme tell you, today was a doozy.”, he finally unloads.  “First, there’s all this drama between the Nikkes here that I had to sort out. Jackal’s causing problems with all the property damage she brings. I swear I have no idea where she gets the strength to eat metal.” 

“She…eats metal?”, she asked out loud. Even a foodie maniac like her wouldn’t dream of that.

“Yea…if the name isn’t hint enough, she’s like a wild animal.”, Commander let out another sigh. “Did you know once I had to get her dentistry work done because she tried eating rocks?”

She had no clue how to feel hearing this. Was she supposed to laugh? She was utterly dumbfounded by the entire concept. There was not a single word in the world she felt that could describe what she just heard or how she felt about it. Here she thought her passing accusation of Scarlet was idiotic and then she hears of Nikkes trying to eat rocks.

“Then, Liter argued with Anis about her socks being thrown everywhere again .”, he continued.

Wait… that Anis? The very same one that was in the squad he led? Who knew she lived that way? Then again, maybe it all made sense. Last she remembered seeing her on their hunt for the origin of Vapaus, she chewed her out for not replying to her texts and complained a lot. She almost wanted to raise a brow at the whole thing.

“Belorta this time is outright trying to kill me with her latest prank and Mica just goes along with it.”, he found himself leaning deeper into the chair and putting his hands behind his head as he vented out his frustrations of the day. “Can you believe it? They dumped a ghost pepper or two into Emma’s horrendous soup under the guise of “fixing it”!”

She froze hearing the words “kill me”. Wait, a Nikke trying to harm a human? Much less a Commander like him? A fire burned inside her. She nearly shot up from her chair with a face stone-cold and ready to go find her. However, the Commander reacted quickly and shot up too. “Woah, woah! Snow, it’s alright. I’m still alive, right? It was a really bad prank, but she’s not actually killing me, I swear.”, he waved her down in an attempt to calm her. “Please, sit back down.”

She squinted at him, analyzing his face. His grin was all kinds of sheepish, but she knew it was genuine. He could never lie to her to cover up for someone trying to harm him with bad intentions, right? He wouldn’t harbor someone who’s a genuine threat to him, right? She debated it for a moment, but decided to trust him. He never showed signs of that, and he wasn’t going to be anytime soon. Her shoulders released their tense, attack mode grip on her body as she slowly sank back to her chair. Her face too, returned to that piercing neutrality. Part of her felt like puffing her cheeks out and blowing air like the glory days, but instead she suppressed her frustration.

“Look, Snow. It all sounds bad but…Belorta’s not a bad girl. She just has a unique way of having fun, just like everyone else here.”, his voice had this gentle, reassuring tone that flashed her back to her old Commander. “Like this one Nikke I know from the vocational school, Ein? She loves taking me and her friends out for karaoke.”

She didn’t know what that was, and given her mood in his room earlier, she felt too nervous to ask. No, nervous wasn’t right. She couldn’t find the words to it, but she just didn’t want to seem as alien as a Rapture. “What about Mica?”, she asked, eyes returning to the stars to calm herself down.

“She’s a good girl too. Lots of heart, but she’s kind of a doormat.”, he muses. “I wish she had more backbone to tell Belorta to stop. It’s clear she wasn’t down for this one. Poor girl apologized to me later in tears asking me to keep being friends with her and Belorta.”

To her, saying he had a lot on his plate in his daily life was an understatement. She might’ve had assumptions about the life of a Commander back in the day when she had the fortitude to be presumptuous. Nowadays however, she either couldn’t care to make them up or wished to see the reality instead. Here she was being smacked with the latter, and she wasn’t too sure she entirely liked it. Then again, who likes staring at the sun?

Snow White just listened intently in the meantime, blinking in intervals. “That’s not even the worst thing that happened today. Wanna know what that was?”

She hummed as she continued silently paying attention to the Commander’s words. He took a deep breath. She prepared herself for quite the load of information mentally. “Drake, by sheer accident, and I still don’t understand how, made Alice cry who in turn made Rei cry. That ended up getting Ludmilla and Ein really pissed off, considering how protective those two are. The two of them started mouthing off to Drake, and guess who got all fired up? Laplace. She actually got into a fistfight with Drake! All the while Zwei, a friend of Ein and Rei’s, just stands there like a deer in headlights, nearly getting into the crossfire. And Laplace kept saying “Real heroes never let children cry!!”. Maxwell and I couldn’t contain the situation fast enough so Rapi had to rush down from assisting me with paperwork to deal with that. It attracted a bunch of bystanders too!”

She had never responded in this way before, but she remembers Rapunzel telling her about this once in a novel she read. She thought it was appropriate to try. She let out a long whistle that had vibrato near the end. “Sounds like a real headache," she commented, herself sympathizing with the annoyance it all sounded like. She didn’t feel any aura of disappointment or anything so she assumed it was fine. She took a quick glance at the Commander and noticed him nodding and clicking his tongue through his teeth in affirmation through an opening he made on the right side of his lips. She made the right move.

“Never heard of an inter-squad squabble getting physical.”, even in her days of the Goddess squad when Dorothy and Scarlet argued, never did it ever get to the point of fistfights. As bad as the arguments got, that was how the two showed their care for one another. She remembers not agreeing with it, bringing it up with the Legendary Commander in those days. Yet he reassured her that’s just how things were.

What she was wondering was how this Commander managed to defuse a Nikke fight as massive as this. Without any worse for wear too! And more importantly, how was he going to reassure her everything here was ok? A massive cat fight like this didn’t exactly instill confidence.

“Tell me about it. I had to write about the whole thing to A.C.P.U. and Command in a report! It would’ve gotten bad if Poli didn’t drop whatever she was doing and come out to help us calm things down.”

In a continued trend of Snow White having the worst timing ever, she remembered something. She was just now getting exposed to the truth of the chaotic nature of the Outpost. At the time, she felt it was necessary to reduce tomorrow’s headaches for him.

“Oh uh…by the way, Privaty broke a table on the wall’s east watchtower.”, she interrupted nonchalantly. “Sorry for adding on your troubles.”, her head rotated away from him in shame.

The Commander scoffed. “Great. Thanks for telling me.”, he remarked sarcastically, rolling his eyes. He had no inclination if Snow White was even capable of pushing his buttons, and quite frankly? He didn’t want to know.

“Sorry.”, she apologized again. She began kicking herself internally, thinking she screwed up royally when she just got on a roll. Her fists clenched her cloak as she lightly bit her inner lip. The white Pilgrim began wondering if maybe she should just keep her mouth shut the rest of the time. 

“It’s okay, Snow White.”, he turned to her, noticing her downward cast eyes. “I know you’re just looking out for me.”

She felt a weight lift off her shoulders. With re-instilled confidence, she turned to him and asked. “So all that is just from the Nikkes alone?”

“Yea.”, he sighed.

“Doesn’t exactly sound like the “safe haven” you described to me.”

He waved it off and made an up and down motion with his hands in reassurance. “It’s not normally like this, trust me. You just happened to catch it on a bad day. I’m sure even in your group you got bad days, right?”

She blinked, returning her head to gaze towards the stars. “Fair point. I guess that fight was an isolated incident.”

“It was. I never get that kinda chaos usually. Most of the time it’s just funny or outright silly.”, he laughed a little out of nowhere. It temporarily confused Snow White until he went on to explain. “Like there was this one time, Belorta and Mica were making a mess out of the clothing store with Alice. Leaves and stuff everywhere. They turned me into the Mad Hatter.”

Ah, finally, something pop-culture wise she could understand. This was a story that existed well before the Ark. She remembered hearing the story in an audiobook while she was manufacturing weapons in the olden days. “You mean like Alice in Wonderland?”

He grinned. “Yep. That’s where her name comes from too. I remember once I gave her the book from our library. She was so excited. Sometimes we read it together when I visit the base up in the North.”, watching him recall the precious memory made her wonder if he too thought of their rare time together like this. She stared for just a bit longer at him.

“Right, so then, while this happens, Ludmilla comes in. I was sure she’d scold us all, but she ended up joining the fun.”, she wouldn’t see it because she returned her eyes to the stars, looking for constellations, but the commander held a brilliant grin so wide it created creases at the edge of his face. “We all had a tea party.”

Ah, the innocence of Alice. How it once reminded her of what she once used to be. Such a starry eyed, bright young girl. She found this story rather amusing, especially considering it involved those two again.

She refocused her attention on him when he took a deep breath. “Y’know, even with the chaos, I’d rather they be there and cause trouble for me than not. I think it’s better than being alone.”, he states, his eyes seemingly forlorn and staring out at both the horizon and nothing in particular at once. Despite the blank stare, he grinned, as if more memories kept pouring in.

He then turned to her, no longer content with just simply constantly talking. “What about you?”, he asks, determined to hear from her.

She sits in silent contemplation, and shrugged. “Sometimes. I’m so used to being alone I don’t really see a problem.”

“Really. You don’t miss other people?”

She shuffles and wriggles a bit in her chair. “I don’t know. Maybe. I get to see the others once a month to make sure we’re all alive. That’s enough for me.” 

He hums in reply, not indifferent but more in the sense of acknowledging what she said and accepting it. “Well, I know one thing, I never want to be alone again on the surface after what happened to me.”

“You mean like that time with Chatterbox?”

He shivered so deeply without a chatter of his teeth. That wasn’t because of the cold, that was because of an inherent fear.  His mind still thinks about that damned eerie grin he saw when he first met that unholy abomination. “Don’t remind me. You don’t know how grateful I was and still am that you showed up. I would’ve been dead meat.”

He never saw it, but she bit her lip trying not to smile and had a light blush. So he did remember their rare times together fondly. The warmth inside her spread, and she was sure it wasn’t from her cloak. Speaking of, she particularly was fond of the time she sheltered him from the snow under this same cloak, their bodies close together. “It’s nothing.”, she put it frankly.

He chuckled. “The funny thing is, that’s not even half of what’s keeping me up tonight.”

“Really? What was?”

Silence. Hesitation, if you will. She almost caught a glimpse of a grave looking, distant face. He coughs away from her. What was that all about? She wanted to get a closer look, lean in, and really scan his face, but he whipped around too fast for her to even try. A smirk grows on his face as their gazes meet, his deep browns colliding in her glowing, mystic golden yellows. He wags his finger.

“You first. I told you the reason I’m up, now you go.”

She squinted at the attempt of changing the topic and swindling her playfully. “You said it yourself, didn’t you? That wasn’t the real reason you’re up?”

“I said it was, just not half the reason. I’m not technically lying!”, he corrected slyly. She rolled her eyes. “Now you go.”

She blew air out of her mouth in annoyance. Guess she’ll have to play his game.  She held her tongue though, because saying “Oh I was just going to watch you sleep.” wasn’t exactly going to be a good answer. God have mercy on what kind of face he’d make at that . If she did say it, she’d die of embarrassment—or try to jump off the balcony. Like that would do anything to a Nikke. 

So instead she fibbed and gave an answer that thought would suit her well. “Thought I’d see if you have any good snacks on board. You promised me some good food once if I came over.”

He held up a finger in acknowledgement. “That I did. I actually got some if you’re willing.”

“Now?”, she tried to hide her excitement (and her drool) as she jolted up. She was more surprised that her white lie was actually going somewhere.

“Yep. On one condition though.”

“What?”

“Come visit me more often. At reasonable times of the day .”, he held out his hand.

“...Sure.”, she shook it firmly.

“Deal! Let me go grab it for you.”, he got up, quickly heading towards the door and going inside. Some rustling and opening of drawers could be heard. It wasn’t long before he was coming back out with a candy bag, shaking it in his hand. 

“Rupee gave me this as a thank you gift once. Real caramels made with real sugar. Zero Ark substitutes.”, he tossed the bag to her and watched amusingly as she caught it like a cat having a treat. Her eyes sparkled as she tenderly opened the bag and took out one of the golden brown candies. Putting it into her mouth, she let out satisfied moans as the candy melted soothingly, assaulting her tongue with raw flavor never known before. The sweetness, the smooth, alluring texture of it, oh! It was so wonderful!

She then realized what she was doing. Snow White cleared her throat and regained her composure. She swallowed the chewed candy with haste. “Thanks. Don’t mention this to anyone.”

“You have my word.”, he crossed his chest in a motion with his right hand and chuckled as he took the seat next to her once more. She reached into the bag once more and shyly handed him a piece which he took gladly as he enjoyed the caramels with her.

The pause wasn’t exactly silent as it was filled with the sounds of a plastic bag crinkling and mouths chewing and smacking. After she swallowed more pieces, she spoke up to try and take the reins of the conversation. More importantly, she wanted to know what that look on his face was about. “You now. Tell me the other half. What’s really bothering you?”

She swore she saw the Commander take off his fun demeanor and suddenly get this mixture of grimness and discomfort on his face. He kept shifting around in his seat too, occasionally playing with the fabric of his bathrobe or combing his hair with his finger. She looked again and this time kept her focus on him, social faux paus of staring be damned. She placed the candy bag on the small table that separated the two chairs as something of a peace offering and continually stared in silence as the Commander tried (and by her account, failed) to keep up the act.

“Yea. I…You…Y’know…Well…”, he was stumbling over his words and scrunching his hair up, not daring to meet eyes with her at all. He took in a deep breath and whispered something incoherent before speaking up once more. The most she could make out was a singular curse. He’s silent. Her fingers tap on her thighs in waiting.

He then talks. “Well, it’s just this mission we have coming up tomorrow. Really high stakes and all.”

She narrowed her eyes and leaned forward towards him. “You’re lying.”

“Damn. Nothing gets past you, huh?”, he bit his lip. “It’s not entirely a lie. We do have a big mission but it’s not for a while.”

She had no idea why he was so adamant about not telling her this. It was such a sudden shift from earlier. Here he was, detailing everything minute to minute about his life, telling her things that were so mundane. Now he was actively fighting to specifically not tell her the entire truth about what was keeping him up. She was starting to wonder if her trust in him was a mistake or if there were greater implications behind all this. Her refusal to believe was directed at the former. Something was up, but she couldn’t determine what.

All she knew was she wasn’t buying the mission nervousness for a second, looking completely unamused with him as she reached over to the bag and popped more caramels into her mouth. “After everything you went through? You still have fears about missions on the surface?”

He sighed. “Occasionally from time to time. I’m not exactly a fearless man here.”

“No, I understand that. You recently got captured by a strong heretic, right?”

He nods. “Yea, Nihilister. I nearly froze.”

“You’re still here after that.”, she continued her reasoning. “It’s not the mission you’re scared about, Commander. I don’t believe that at all.”

He took a deep breath and paused for a while after getting slapped with a truth bomb like that. Clearly he was mulling over in his mind what to do as his brows shifted about. His hands smacked down on his lap as he sharply inhaled. Now his voice was at a lower volume. “Fine. But don’t tell anyone okay? It’s rare I open up about these for a reason.”

She swallowed another candy. Now she was VERY curious what a man like him was so hellbent on keeping a secret about. “As long as you don’t tell anyone my reactions to food.”

Another deep breath. He looks around as if to check on who might be listening beyond the two of them. “I uh…I had a nightmare. A really, really bad nightmare.”, he turned expecting some level of disappointment in him from Snow White but found none.

She was quite serious in her gaze as always, not ever giving the impression that she thought less of him for admitting it. In Snow White’s mind right now, sure, for all his toughness, charity, and cool guy acts, he sure didn’t seem like the type to let nightmares bother him this much. Especially considering what she saw him go through. She was kind of surprised still, to say the least. It had to be something terrible, right?

Moreover, when she heard the words of having a bad nightmare, she herself felt a core memory perk up from back during the Goddess squad days. She used to have nightmares all the time, so she wasn’t a stranger to the concept and how horribly it could screw your mind up. She trusted her Commander at the time to confide in him about it. The way it was now, she felt she was repaying an old debt to a long gone but certainly not forgotten friend. So, she listened with the same amount of intent and care as he once did.

The Commander darted his eyes back up and didn’t take them off the stars for a single second. He really didn’t want to face her for concern of that image of his changing in a negative way. Or more like he couldn’t because he struggled with telling people about his fears out of pride. He didn’t want his name to be tarnished to that of a cowardly commander when he’s shown anything but. Neither did he want to become a burden onto others by having them also shoulder his fears. However, it all might just be a gross misunderstanding in his head, worrying too much as he always tends to do.

“Of what?”, she practically goaded him on, wanting to listen to what has him so bothered.

More silence before he breathed in. “...Everyone I hold dear here, every Nikke at the Outpost. Every Pilgrim I’ve encountered, even Heretics I’ve saved like Marian. I see them all before me. Happy, smiling. Then…a great darkness comes and snatches me, laughing.”

Oh. This was going to be a vivid one, wasn’t it? If she remembered correctly, hers were a lot more general and foggy. All the more reason to really pay attention to him.

He continues. “I’m grabbed by my legs and dangled upside down, yanked around until they break. The shadow has the most terrifying grin. One by one more shadows shoot out of him and consume the Nikkes and they fall. They break like porcelain dolls into shattered pieces, all one by one. I scream, begging for it to stop. It all freezes when I see my squad, Counters, you, and Marian. I’m dropped like a sack and my legs are painfully restored.”

He grimaces as he remembers every minute detail. “I get close to them, touch them, try to save them with all my might as they cry out to me…and the darkness swallows them from the ground up. But they don’t break into glass. The ones who did got off easy.”, his voice remains steady but shows signs of him forcing it to be that way. “No, they become corrupted. They get those damned red eyes and repeat utter nonsense, and I’m forced to watch them turn into that.”

“But that’s not all. Out of my control, unable to stop my own damn body, like I’m just a puppet, I kill them. And not humanely with my pistol to the head. My hand has a blade, a sword, and I hack them to pieces. Limb by limb, tendon by tendon, I vaporize them. Anis was first, then Neon.”

Her face changed and she got up from her relaxed leaning down to a full upright as he stared with repressed sadness, silent tears welling up in his eyes. His attempts to hold back weren’t working that well, nor was his attempt at holding his composure. His voice was starting to crack too.  “I get to Rapi. She’s crying for me to save her, begging me to spare her. She’s not corrupted at all, she can’t be. Her NIMPH is gone. I feel my body start to move, like I’m getting hope to regain control and I resist with all my might…but I can’t. My damned body won’t listen to me! She wasn’t even corrupted, but I started killing her anyway!”

Her stare hardens and her face grimaces as he recounts this truly awful nightmare. She leans in closer to him instinctually. An urge to hold him close rises within her but yet, for a reason she cannot know, she resists. He’s practically breaking down crying, his voice blubbering and nearly not understandable.

“Her eyes. Oh God, her eyes. She feels so betrayed. I’m telling her it’s not my fault, but she doesn’t believe me. My body goes numb as I just keep stabbing her until the life goes from her eyes. My body regains control finally. My hands…they’re so bloody…”

In a rare moment of vulnerability, Snow White’s stone-walled mask she dons on her face sheds if only for a single moment. Her gaze is no longer that of the one who knows she’s only a weapon, but one thought to be long lost of the innocent girl she once was. Such genuine, soft concern for the man dripped from her expression. She’s so used to suppressing it but even now, the part that keeps her human can’t be contained. Much like how she respects him too much to control his life, so too does she respect him too much to keep her usual distance.

She felt a huge sense of deja vu hearing this. Her nightmares back then were plagued by a similar account of losing all she held dear to herself, eventually being alone. It wasn’t so severe as being the one responsible for their disappearance, but in her metrics this was pretty damn close.

“I’m powerless to stop it, to stop anything. These faces that line the wall, they all laugh at me, take pleasure in my misery. And by the time I get to Marian, I can’t take it anymore. I see Marian cry her heart out, asking me why. I can’t take it anymore, so I turn the sword on myself.”

He’s now only crying in silence, trying to keep his voice quiet but unable to stop the constant breakup from his tears. “I was too weak to protect anyone, and now I’m their murderer.”, was all he could muster before he reduced himself to silently crying. 

“You said I was in it. What about me?”, she asks, inching closer as she gets off her seat. “Where was I in your dream?”

He turns to face her as she kneels before him, a hand slowly touching his knee. He was now showing to her the full display of his tears streaming down his cheeks, past his jaw, down his neck and staining his shirt and robe. His lips quiver, unsure if he should even tell her.

His voice is so crackled and fading by now. “You stood before Marian, ready to kill me if I got any closer to you.”

She stiffened and grunted in surprise. Everything in her body was as still as possible. A pause. “And what of me when you…”, she trailed off, not finishing the sentence as if to refuse the mere notion that he would commit suicide so brazenly, much less in front of her.

“You looked…so shocked…and sad.”

“...And?”

“You rushed to me. You kept saying you were sorry.”

Snow White wasn’t sure how to react to such a drastic change of emotion right now. Nor did she know how to feel when even in his final moments of a dream he humanizes her. She thought that his dream version of her for a moment would betray how she acted. There was never a moment more poignant than right now where regret of doubting him so deeply stinged her soul. She was laid before her bare the tortured heart of a man she had no idea was . He always seemed so bright, like a shining star. Where in the world did this all emotional struggling even come from?

The dream too. She recognized the patterns of those shadows in it and could even identify with the feeling behind it. Who else had that terrible grin but Chatterbox? The faces laughing? Were they Heretics or the Ark’s government? Most of all, Marian’s presence attached to her hit so close, as she too felt she took the guilt for the outcome of an event that never transpired. Even in his dreams she fails to meet expectations from her eyes.

Most of all, she identified with the feeling of loneliness that was in the nightmare he had, much like her own. It wasn’t out in the open, but it was subtle enough that someone like her could catch it. The feeling that no one believes you, that you were betraying everyone. It was a loneliness of a different kind. Of course, the irony was she was living that nightmare she once had, of everyone leaving her. Knowing everything that had happened to him in the dream, she wished he never had that dream come true like the loneliness did for her. For all of Scarlet’s musings about her lack of social grace, she was quite in tune now. 

He continued as he kept staring directly at her, the tears slowing down and drying. “I don’t know why I still get these vivid dreams. I already had nightmares before…of losing Counters to corruption. I don’t even know what it means. It keeps me awake at night wondering…will I eventually break and become a monster?”

For the first time, she felt a need to protect him beyond just keeping him safe from Raptures. A strong desire for him to just be happy and not cry anymore. She didn’t care about maintaining her weapon, or her constant struggle. Not even for the so-called “important things” that made her want to rush off before she got spotted by the Commander. Right now, she just wanted to hold him and let him know he was not a failure, that he would never become a monster, and most of all, that he was loved. That thought alone of abandoning him made her sick. He just revealed his struggle to her, she couldn’t shrug this off and go off to fight Raptures. Her inner sense of righteousness would forever hate herself and shut herself away from the world if she did. To brazenly push him off and give him the cold shoulder was the equivalent of kicking a down dog…no, kicking a stray puppy.

Again, she didn’t know how to react, so she just stared softly at him, gently squeezing his knees as his tears finally stopped, watching him hastily wipe them off. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…I just…I don’t…”

He had no words but even someone whose mind was focused mostly on combat could see when someone had regret. She felt it too. He slowly sat upright continuing to talk but now with a clearer voice no longer plagued by tears.

“Earlier you said it wasn’t the mission I was scared about. You’re right. It’s not the mission I’m scared about. It’s about losing everyone, much less because of me. That’s what I’m scared about.”

They lock eyes. He lets out a depressed sounding laugh. Her mind is blank, entirely focused on him.

“You must think I’m weak huh?”, his eyes were then glued to the ground as he leaned against the railing of the balcony. He couldn’t see her shaking her head constantly to deny that statement.

He turned to her once more. “I don’t want to lose or hurt you, Snow.”, he whispered.

She suddenly stiffened once more. When was the last time a Commander ever spoke to her like that? Likely never, if not a very long time. No, it was back in the days of the Goddess squad. That Legendary Commander just offered to let her sleep with him for safety and security after she confessed to having a nightmare. This however, was different now. It seemed so powerful coming out of him. She never once thought of him as weak or pathetic. Not then when he braved the odds and shot Modernia with her weapon, not when he so boldly stated his intentions to free the Nikkes with Vapaus, not even now when he shared his deepest fears. If anything she felt nothing but respect for him and cared for him.

At this point, especially after what he said, she couldn’t take it anymore. If there’s anything she learned tonight, she had been lying to herself for too damn long. She had enough of keeping up the distant, stoic pretense with him specifically.  She was in love with the Commander. She did watch him sleep for her own self satisfaction, just to see him again. Her friends, the other Pilgrims, be damned for teasing her, because they were right. She had intense feelings for him .

“You won’t.”, she replied.

She suddenly stood up, releasing his knees, and grabbed him by the robe. Her heart was beating so loud, pumping blood so fast, she could practically hear it. It’s odd just how fast everything was moving to her. Just earlier she was willing to run away from him after getting caught, and now here she was about to do the unthinkable. Well, unthinkable for her at least. She couldn’t back down now. Snow White was not one to do things half-heartedly.

So she went for the kill. The Pilgrim pulled him up and kissed him deeply, locking lips with him, allowing him to take in the strong taste of all the freshly eaten real caramels. If she thought her heart was beating fast and hard then, right now it was like a steam engine on full blast. The Commander had no idea what the hell was going on, but he soon ran with it. His shock melted away as time faded and he leaned in to the kiss. There was zero concept of how long this was going on, his perception of time warped, but he wanted it to last forever. 

Snow White sloppily was sucking on his upper lip and teasing to let in a little tongue. She let out little moans like the ones she did while tasting the candy, reaching out and grabbing his head to pull him in closer to the kiss. Meanwhile, the Commander’s hands reached for her waist and pulled her in. Once more she prodded her tongue to ask for entrance.

As much as the Commander would like to continue, the need to breathe of course had to interrupt this magical moment just when the two would lock tongues. They released the lip lock on each other and panted as they regained their composure. His hot breath melded with hers in the close proximity, the two’s faces mere inches from each other. 

“Why…what was-”

She couldn’t reply to save her life and answer his questions. In all honesty, Snow White was just as dazed and dizzy about the whole thing as the Commander was. She didn’t know what the hell just came over her to do something like that. All she knew was one minute they had this nice conversation, watching stars and eating candies. Then the next, they were passionately making out. Now, here they were, just holding each other in a very close embrace.

The whole world seemed to spin then stop for Snow White as she felt her mind locking in. She gave the Commander an entranced yet somehow still confident neutral gaze befitting of her. If only the deep red blush on her face didn’t betray this.

She gently placed a finger on his lip. “Shut up. Stop being so hard on yourself.”

She continued, this time taking control of the conversation and never letting up once. “You’re stronger than you look. Remember, you shot Modernia down with my gun. Don’t let all this crap get to you. You’re not losing me, and it’s not your fault. Okay?”, she locked gaze with him, gently holding the side of his head. “And please…no more crying. I hate seeing you like this.”

“I…ok.”, he absent mindedly responded, head still whirling about from the lengthy make-out session from earlier. He was more amazed that Snow White was able to get control of the situation much faster than he was. Or so it looked to him.

The reality? All this had Snow White’s mind still in a tizzy too. What’s more, she gained an idea from all the melting memories and whirling post-kiss world. She had to thank her old Commander for this idea she had refused so many years ago.

“One last thing. Come with me.”

She started dragging him inside with one hand and grasping the candies bag in the other. He silently watched as she slowly led him towards his bed. She gently placed him down into a sitting position on the edge of his mattress. Then, Snow White turned away from him and walked a distance away, hands ready to tear off her mechanical mask that rested upon the top of her head.

Just then, she came to her senses. He never saw it but her face got even redder than before, to a point where she looked feverish. Her legs began quivering just ever so slightly in that nervous way. She realized what she was going to do. 

Oh God. What am I doing? I…no. , she refocused. She remembers. No. I…I want this.

She had to reassure herself, if for no other reason than if she went through with this there was no turning back. Things would change forever in a way far beyond that kiss. This would cement everything in stone. She still felt just as awkward as she first came in here, but it was complimented with a new sense of confidence alongside it. Just as her beloved Commander faced down Heretics frozen with fear, she too had the courage to face her feelings.

The Commander couldn’t even respond before seeing Snow White undress herself so slowly and awkwardly. Not only were her legs shaking but she too let some equally shaky breaths out as she continued. She took off her head gear first, letting it drop to the floor with a clunking sound. She then proceeded to clear out the tools hidden within her cloak, letting those too drop to the floor. If he wasn’t so allured by her actions lit by the pale moonlight and highlighting her face and skin, he’d notice how comical it was. She then tore off her cloak to reveal her obsidian gray under suit. It was long sleeved and draped over like a skirt. She then took that off, revealing a tight, form-fitting black top with one sleeve that was torn up to shreds around the bottom and a hole near the sleeve. Nothing but bandages were covering her privates; they too were tightly packed and almost looked like sport shorts.

Her legs below her calves were completely Rapture parts formed into bionic legs, and so was her right arm, yet that never took the Commander’s attention. What did was her beautiful, scraggy, yet somehow puffy and soft-looking white hair that extended down to her back. Some of it extended outwards and draped over her shoulders, reaching the crest of her chest. Combined with her piercing yellow, glowing eyes, and soft yet stern, commanding face, it was a sight to behold. A beauty like no other, exclusive only to the Pilgrim known as Snow White. Yet this was only her backside. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath as she turned around.

She stood before him, front facing him in all her neat-ish undressed glory. He simply stared in silent awe and admiration. “God…you’re so…gorgeous…”, he whispered.

Her face tinged with red again as she hid her face by turning her head away. She walked slowly, stepping towards him bit by bit. Her feet lightly clanked on the floor towards him. Now she stood close and over him, having to direct her gaze downward to meet his.

He too came to his own senses out of his hormonal burst and registered what was going on. Just as he was about to open his mouth and ask why she was doing all this, he got his answer. “Tonight…let me sleep with you.”

She spoke softly. “I…I too used to have nightmares. Long ago. I…I want to…”, she trailed off.

“Okay.”, was all he said, giving his confirmation. He held out his hands for her which she took them in. He rubbed his thumb over the back of her hands in smooth rotations. Yes, even for the robotic one. He smiled. “You’re warm.”

Her face blushed. He let go of her hands and shuffled himself to take off his bathrobe. He tossed it onto the floor away from them. She reached out once more, taking his hand gingerly in hers as he guided her down to laying in the bed. The undressed Pilgrim tumbled over to her own side as the Commander shuffled over to meet her. Getting under the sheets with him and snuggling up to him, she stared up at him once she rested her hands lightly on his chest.

“You’re not having any more nightmares on my watch.”, she whispered to him, the previous timidity washing away as she got to bask in the comfort and warmth she always wondered about when watching him sleep.

“Thanks.”, the Commander’s face was beet red, yet his hands still found his way around her and held her close by her hips and back, the humming of her core warming him up underneath the sheets. She found herself…loving the feeling of his hands on her. A chill nearly sent up her spine as she felt a more intimate touch.

“Hey…Snow White.”

She hummed once more as she nuzzled her head on his chest and listened to his heartbeat. 

He yawned, finding himself lulled to sleep. “I never got to tell you this. But…”

The two lay in their intimate position, exchanging warmths for a while in a silence that this time was more comfortable. It wasn’t long before a yawn sounded off from the Commander. He could feel himself getting lulled to sleep, his eyelids having a hard time staying open. “I…love you.”, he mumbled to her half asleep.

A hum sounded off from her in her typical style. Before he knew it, he fell right back to sleep. He would never see it from behind his closed eyelids, but for once, Snow White smiled as she too closed her eyes after watching his chest peacefully rise and fall. She didn’t stiffen up at his words, for once, she had accepted them wholly. The words he said kept repeating in her mind. 

“I love you.”

The sound of loud, sudden, quick banging made him jolt up from his sleep. “Commander!”, Anis squawked from the other side of the door. “Are you okay?! You locked the door and haven’t come out yet! Don’t make us climb in through the balcony to get you!”

Anis? She’s never up early, why is she- , his annoyed thoughts were cut off when his head whipped around in all directions only to get flashbanged by the raw sunlight coming in through the open balcony door. 

“Agh, damn!”, he whispered. His eyes nearly hurt from the sudden adjustment of the darkness of closed eyes into a bright light. What’s more, there wasn’t just loud banging from his door, there were hints of that same volume outside too. Cars honking, Mighty Tools drilling and hammering, police sirens of the A.C.P.U. echoing throughout the place. He even heard the distant gunfire of Nikkes fighting off attempted Rapture invasions.

His thoughts then shifted. The hell is EVERYONE doing up so early?

His normal time of awakening, 7 AM on the dot, was normally so much more…peaceful. Tranquil. He didn’t even hear the sweet song of the morning birds chirping their hearts out. So what gives? Now more awake, he turned to his clock by his bedside. 

11:43 in the morning. Shit! I’m late! And if she sees me with- , his thoughts were interrupted again when he realized, rather disappointingly, that Snow White had disappeared entirely. Her spot she occupied on the bed was blank, the only clue she was ever there being the disheveled bed sheets. 

He was relieved on multiple fronts. She really did help him sleep. And he had no nightmares either. While it saddened him to know she was gone, he was glad that her having left long already meant he didn’t have to explain why Snow White was jumping out of his window. 

But being up this late, one new thought ran through his mind. I wonder if she turned off my alarm…

Who was he kidding? The answer was obvious. Of course she did. If he had to guess, she probably wanted him to have the greatest sleep of his life. One thing that was a blur to him was how damn exhausted he was. He recalls having bags under his eyes. All of this he ignored when he saw Snow White that night. He smiled. How nice of her.

More banging from the door interrupted his happy moment. “Commander, seriously! This isn’t funny! Rapi’s worried about you. If you don’t open up, I’m barging in!”, now she was getting annoyed, clearly nagging him in her upset tone.

“Hold on, hold on! I’m coming, just gimme a damn second!”, he groggily yelled, massaging his face and hastily slicking his hair back to fix his bed head. The banging finally stopped. 

“Alright, geez. Sorry. I’ll let Rapi and Neon know you’re okay.”, she called out. Anis’ footsteps could be heard along with her loud complaining. He rotated as he got up from bed, sitting on the edge of his bed with his feet on the cold floor as he finally fully woke up.

He found a handwritten note in the midst of this fall off his bed and fluttered down to the floor. He bent down to pick it up, recognizing the handwriting as not his. 

Love you too, Commander.

~S.W.

“She heard that huh…”, he chuckled, staring at the note with a smile on his face. 

Boy, he was never going to hear the end of this if someone found out. And he meant this for both the note and him waking up late.

Chapter Text

He had to admit the twice per month visits of Snow White coming to comfort him in bed was like a drop of water in an oasis. A gift from Heaven, if you will. Her body was so nice, soft, and warm. And that surprisingly gentle touch she had. All of it combined under the gentle soothing of his soft bedding. It was like a dream come true. Plus, who doesn’t like the fact that it’s not just a girl, but the girl he loves in bed with him. There were times where he was wondering if this was really the Snow White he knew doing this, or if she even experienced a Mind Switch at all. Or hell, maybe another one happened and got added to the tally.

But there was one thing about these visits that lately he found were not so pleasant. He admittedly didn’t notice the first time around, when he first opened his heart up to her. It was the heat of the moment after all, and the subsequent honeymoon period of this continuing play between the two of them. Was it the flow of hormones in his veins that made him not notice, or perhaps it triggered his monkey brain at first? Regardless, as of now, it was really starting to bother him. What is it that’s so bothersome, you ask?

It’s one thing, really: her damn stench . He knew she was constantly out battling Raptures, and he was forever grateful for that. Hell, everyone was. It was that knowledge in combination with a now more intimate relationship that made him want to see her more often than ever. He wanted to show her she’s more than a pure war machine. Maybe even bring back some of the life in her eyes that the other Pilgrims always tell him about when referring to the “old days”. But God almighty, would it have killed her to at least soak in a river once in a while? Or take a damn bath when she visits?!

He especially noticed it this early morning after the latest biweekly night visit. There was an unknowing gratefulness behind this ability to pick up on this at such hours in the day. Needless to say after all these good night’s sleeps he finally learned his lesson about just how late he was kept up. A factor that inevitably hindered his ability to not unconsciously smash his alarm and end up sleeping in just a bit more. Being that he wasn’t kept up so late anymore by horrifically vivid, gory, nightmares anymore, he eased back to his old routine: go to bed at a reasonable hour and wake up at 7 AM, on the dot. It was his staple around the Outpost and something that some Nikkes such as Alice or Rapi picked up on and admired. Alice of course being the forward one that actually asked during an advise session and was awestruck at his eagerness to be the early bird that gets the worm.

He couldn’t really take all the credit though for such restoration. Being able to confide in Snow White in a way helped him conquer that which he couldn’t do by himself. It wasn’t unlike how in battle he often relied on Counters to back him every step of the way. To think on that day nearly half a year ago now would create such a positive force of change in his life was awesome in a way. He was glad the two of them took the plunge towards that new dawn with each other.

All of this to say that the benefit of waking up early is being able to get certain chores out of the way as soon as possible. It just so happened that today coincided with his bed sheet check, too. Every so often, usually weekly if permitted, as part of his own laundry chores he would have to smell his bed. If the sheets didn’t stink, he could go another week without a wash and save himself the hassle. If they did have a stench, the rest is self explanatory. He was silently praying he didn’t need to do such a thing, after all bed sheets are so time-consuming for laundry. Maybe the smell wouldn’t be that bad. Unfortunately, this time they stunk with a capital “S”. 

“Ah, hell!”, he groaned, holding his nose and backing away from his bed. He grabbed the nearest fabric air freshener he bought recently from the store and bombarded his bed with the spray. In particular, he kept spraying the spot where Snow White was earlier. If this went on, he probably would’ve amassed a puddle of the lavender-scented solution right in that spot. He placed the bottle haphazardly back where he found it on his desk and angrily went to work removing his sheets, practically thrashing them and even jostling the mattress around. And as a reminder, his mattress was on the bigger size of queen and made of layer after layer of memory foam!

Some would say he had the patience of a saint. The kindness and compassion of a nun. It was a wonder he just let some people get away with things or kept forgiving them. He tried his best, but even he had limits. He was only human, after all. And this limit reached was a particularly nasty one, regardless if it was a bit small compared to his other struggles.

“Next time I see her,” he muttered to himself through his gritted teeth, “we are having a serious conversation about hygiene!”

He just knew instinctively he’d have to wash these sheets multiple times in the washing machine. He hated doing that for a multitude of reasons, not the least of which being extending an already mundane task to its limits. But there was also the factor of it potentially increasing the water bill, and hogging the machines. That would make one of his squadmates, Anis in a very loud sense, complain. Heaven forbid if any guests or anyone else in the dorm of the Command Tower came to do their laundry. 

It aggravated him truly. He just knew, the next time he saw her, he’d give her an earful! Luckily, little did he know, as he was going about his day, doing his usual chores, the mind-numbing busy work with Rapi, and his advising of the Nikkes under his care at the Outpost, that he wouldn’t have to wait very long. Not more than a day. For you see, Snow White became very bold that day and decided to have their little rendezvous twice in a row. Almost like double dipping.

Normally, she would space it out in between every other week of time, hence why the meetings were biweekly. It allowed her time to keep doing what she needed or wanted to, such as hunting Raptures or monthly meetings with the others, while letting her get precious time with him. These meetings and sleepings have ultimately replaced her initial behavior of watching him sleep, which thankfully not a soul managed to find out about . 

Yet for some reason, it seemed to be as odd as Opposite Day. For once, she was actually not laser-focused on combating the latest group of Raptures up in the icy balms of the North. In fact, things were…rather lax, surprisingly. It was like all the planets aligned, for internally she didn’t want to wait so long again to see the Commander she was now so infatuated with. Perhaps she unknowingly wished upon a shooting star?

Hell, she probably did, given how it all turned out. Maybe not just the planets, but even the stars too aligned that day. Not only did a large number of the Commander’s dispatch missions end up around her patrol area, but tons of others from the Ark were there on some kind of large scale operation. Hence, a lot of the dispatches from her lovely Commander were usually some form of support for it. Cutting off Rapture backup lines, establishing temporary FOBs, guard duty, etc. The Raptures no longer wanted to even focus on the strong Pilgrim, they were more concerned with the bustling large groups of Nikkes practically stomping on their turf and making a nuisance of themselves. 

And from what she saw, they had it more than handled. She didn’t even need to swoop in and out like some kind of ghost warrior of legend. So, she thought, why not, right? It was an unordinary day, so why not revel in it and do something she normally wouldn’t? Let herself have that double dip.

Plus, deep down she wanted to see him again. So what if she already saw him the night before? Her status as a Pilgrim rarely let her enjoy such delights. She couldn’t constantly be around him in the Outpost lest she attract the attention of the Ark. That would only hurt the both of them in the process, but him especially. That Commander she loved so much would probably try to play the role of the big damn hero and only end up getting himself killed. It would be the exact same situation with Marian. 

If the planets and stars align to give her this chance to experience her desire, then why not take it? She doubted she would ever get herself another chance like this. The two were star-crossed lovers, she wanted–no, needed every opportunity she got when her heart often ached for him. If it was possible for her eyes to tear up, she would let loose some in thanks of happiness to whatever God was in the heavens.

So on her journey she went, and being currently energized, sped towards her destination. She managed to reach it before the sun was beginning to set. The wall of the Outer Rim was in sight, she was just about to contact someone in the Outpost to come and get her so she doesn’t repeat the whole Privaty mess from 6 months ago again. However, she saw she got a notification. She opened the blabla app on her phone and blinked at who sent it.

Commander [4:22 PM]: Hey, next time you come over, get here earlier and come talk to me, okay?

She tapped out an immediate response before contacting someone in the outpost to come pick her up. Another rarity, even after Anis ranted at her to pick up the phone every once in a while. Then again, it’s not possible to fight dead zones of cell service.

Snow White [4:23 PM]: Okay. I’m actually right outside the Outpost now. Be right there.

Meanwhile, within the Command Center, the Commander, having just finished placing his bedding back on its mattress after cleaning them, blinked twice after seeing a response that soon. Here he was finishing a chore in between his usual work tasks and she actually replied that fast. At first, hearing the notification noise made him groan and think it was another Nikke getting ready to blow up his phone with some sort of nonsense, but no. It was her. This was a shock. Much less the actual content of that reply. He pinched himself hard on the forearm to check. Nope, not a dream. He wasn’t sure if this was supposed to be a blessing or a curse. A blurse? Yea. Blurse.

Snow White entered the Commander’s room to see him at his desk, typing away like a madman as he finished up the last of his daily paperwork to submit to the Ark. A lamp was lit on his desk, contrasting against the remaining sun as it set into the horizon. His room was filled with the sounds of quiet music in the background, playing from speakers placed in the back near a large home device with a digital screen and a large volume knob. A constant drum panned from left to right with various synths, a background voice singing to a melody. The main voice sounded off gently, only to get more passionate with each new lyrical line.

“ Take that look of worry, mine’s an ordinary life

Working when it’s daylight, and sleeping when it’s night

I’ve got no far horizons, I don’t wish upon a star

They don’t think that I listen, oh but I know who they are”

He heard the sound of his door opening and had a hunch for who it was, but he wasn’t focused on her as he blazed away. Before venturing further in, Snow White perked up at the song, swearing she heard it before. Red Hood was really attached to old music in the same way, and she swears this is one song she showed her in one of those rare moments she didn’t tease her. She wasn’t as musically inclined as her old friend, but she could find herself almost swaying to the music without even knowing it. It was a nice song to her, and soon she found herself making a mental note to ask him about his music taste next time they’re allowed to personally converse.

“And I

I don’t mind

No I

I don’t mind”

Attracted to the sound that seemed to somehow overpower even the old (no, ancient?) music, she watched from a distance as he worked. It was absolutely fascinating with how fast he could type. She thought he might as well have been born for it if he wasn’t a Commander. Little did she know this was something he had trained into him with the help of a certain sharp-toothed and eternally angered Central Government Nikke. With a final tap of his Enter key, he finished and sent it off digitally. He let out a whoop and a whistle.

“So take, take me home

Cause I don’t remember 

Take, take me home”

Stretching out his arms upwards and behind his head, cracking his fingers, he immediately reeled them back to make more cracks on his neck and shoulders. A quick twist of the head from left to right, side to side. Crack, crack, crack. He sighed in relief as he felt the tension lift and the blood rush to those areas. He grabbed a remote and pressed a button, the music suddenly stopping and creating a strange gap of silence in the room.

“Ah, Snow.”, he smiled as he finished his stretches. “Good to see you.”

“Likewise.”, she nodded, stepping over to stand opposite him from his desk.

“How’s it been?”

She shrugged. “Uneventful. Not a whole lot of fighting Raptures, surprisingly.”

“Really. Something had to happen on the way here at least, right? You came later than I thought you would.”, he directed his gaze at the clock on his computer’s taskbar in the lower right hand corner. It read “7:32 PM”. He wasn’t expecting her to take hours with a chance like this.

“I guess I got to see Rapunzel and talk with her for a while.”, she remarked. “She visited around the same time. We were even in the same transport together.”

“That sounds nice. What did you talk about?”

“Nothing much. Just what we were up to and why we came here.”

“What did Rapunzel come for?”, he tilted his head at her. 

“She was going to your library to get herself a book.”

“Oh.”, he blinked. “That’s nice.”, he said, redirecting his gaze to his computer screen as he looked at an outline of tasks to do. He typed away at more software that seemed to be a sort of digital planner. 

She shifted slightly under her cloak. “You…not gonna ask what she was looking for?”

He raised a brow and turned to her, seeming a bit unamused. He stifled back a laugh. “Please, it’s Rapunzel. I think you and I both know what kind of books she’s looking for.”

She smiled ever so slightly underneath her cloak’s collar. “True.”, she remarked.

And so silence came down upon them. For once, Snow White was perplexed that she wasn’t getting the usual pleasantries nor causing the silence. Normally, he’d be asking for her to sit, especially if the conversation was long. But he wasn’t. He didn’t make much effort to engage in any small talk either. Instead as he finished his tasks, he was just staring at her with his fingers extended and interlocked. They made this triangle pointed right at her. 

So, not knowing what to do, she just…blankly stared until she decided to just go ahead and take the initiative. She was slowly beginning to take a seat in the office chair across from him when he suddenly held a hand up and made vocal noises hinting her to stop.

“Ah, ah, ah!”, he called out. He didn’t care how cute Snow White looked doing that meek little move and freeze. He couldn’t sacrifice his seats to the unholy stench of unwashed Nikke butt. God forbid he had to clean something else from his room today.

“Well…what do you want?”, she asked as she stood up back to a full upright, clearly a bit irked at what’s going on. Her lips were thinned and brows were scrunched before her face changed from tightened to loose and upset. “This isn’t about last night…is it?”, she hid under her collar with shame and he felt something hit his heart. The only words that were in his mind were “aw shit”. This was going to be a tough thing to break, huh?

How was he going to word this nicely? Should he even try sugarcoating it, beating around the bush with Snow White? She always appreciated him being nice and he felt it was what made their bond grow, but he also knew she was a woman of frankness. Hell, she didn’t waste time calling him out for lying to her that fateful night. So, he was racked with indecision. It was clear from the way he rapped his knuckles on his desk and bit his lip he was thinking way too hard about this.

Times like these he wished he had the time to practice this all in front of a mirror instead of filing Boring Paperwork #3045. After thinking about it for a second, he couldn’t go through with being blunt. It wasn’t just that he didn’t think he could pull it off, but he wasn’t sure if he was ready right now to test if she was a glass cannon with the bluntness. He felt he wasn’t going to be prepared for her reaction regardless of what he did. The easy way (or was this the hard way), he chose.

“Um…yes…but also no.”

She was confused, unamused, and tilted her head at him. She squinted and pursed her lips in a frown. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Well…I…did enjoy the company. I’ve been enjoying it.”

A hand was placed on her hip. She raised her shoulders once. “Then what’s the problem?”

“Look, it’s just…well…y’know…”, he kept mincing his words until his shoulders drooped.

He looked at her. She shrugged again, raising a brow at him and putting her palms in front of her in a sweeping motion towards her back. All to silently say, “What? Out with it!”

“The thing is…god dammit.”, he sighed exasperatedly, looking off to a random corner of his room. “Sorry, I’m still trying to find the words.”

She still had zero clue what exactly he was on about. As far as she was concerned, she felt like he was going to drop a massive bomb on her. A breakup? Oh God, she hoped not. She felt her bottomless pit stomach somehow sink into an even deeper void at the mere thought of it. She believed it wasn’t like that. He’s just trying to say something a certain way, but not knowing what was definitely eating away at both her and the atmosphere. As a result, not once did her body or expression soften. It was a safeguard against the smallest possibility of heartbreak.

He ran one of his hands through his hair and slicked it back. He thought to just forget even trying to be nice. There was no way in hell he could sugarcoat it. The way he’s seeing it now, he can’t even properly find the words and he’s only confusing Snow White in the process. The only saving grace this path would take is that Snow White would be less mad about his comments and more about the fact that he can’t communicate worth a rat’s ass. That would hurt him, defeating the entire purpose of this conversation and potentially break the trust they had built.

Bringing on his tactics minded side, the way he’s trying, if anything, is more actively avoiding the issue than letting it down gently. And it’s not like she’s a child. As far as he was concerned, she was more than a grown woman at this point. She could handle it. It was better to be honest, test if Snow is a glass cannon, and sort it all out right there than go through this whole rigamarole.

He let out a big sigh as he leaned back into his chair and looked at her. Forget it, time to take on that macho exterior when fought Nihilister and face it head on. If he tried to brace her for impact, he’d only say something stupid and piss her off more. He inhaled and paused before speaking. 

“I’m gonna be blunt, Snow. You smell awful.”

She flinched back, obviously taken aback by his words and outright offended. This was one of those moments Scarlet would have declared as when the cool cucumber got heated. A moment not seen since when he visited them all again just casually asking for Vapaus as if it was barbershop mints. She was blinking and thinning her lips at his words. “Excuse me?”, her tone just barely hid the offense she took to his statement.

There it was. He expected some level of pushback at the comment. He’s lucky that right now it’s not gone nuclear. That’s the last thing he needs. He felt himself wince, which is precisely why he turned away from her like a guilty dog, with the occasional glance back too. It really was just like back then. Only now he’s sure it’d be ten times more venomous given their relationship. God, was he going to be in the proverbial doghouse too? It didn’t sound this bad in his head.

He braced himself for impact, and gulped subtly. Might as well be a real man and finish what you started, right? “Look, Snow. I love it when you come over. I’m practically over the moon when you do. But it’s true!”, he turns to face her and leans back into his chair, making it tilt upwards. “You see my nice clean bed there?”, he points behind her. 

She looks at it, then back to him. “What of it?”

“Wanna know how many times I had to wash it?”, he covers his hand with his mouth as he watches her.

She blinks and shifts her weight around. From the silence, Snow White wasn’t going to even grace this with a response. She stood silently in this awkward sense of defiance, thinning her lips once more.

“Twice.”, he answers gently, removing his hand from his mouth. “I had to wash it twice. Imagine having to clean your gun twice because it’s got so much mud in it. That’s how bad it was.”

She lets out a shocked grunt. He was glad to turn it around enough in a way that she could understand. “Wha…”, she’s agape.

He continues. “Washing something like bedsheets twice is a big deal, Snow. Do you know how much water that uses? It drives up our bills for that sky high if I have to do that every time you visit.”, he throws his hands up in the air. “That’s not getting into the fact it makes me hog the machine! We all share resources here, Snow. My squad, other Nikkes who want to use it, they’re going to get mad at me for it!”

He gets up from his seat and rounds his desk to sit down on a corner. His hands rest on his desk behind him. This Commander is now staring Snow White down the eyes. “Snow, we are all very grateful for what you’ve done. But would it kill you to take a bath once in a while?”

Snow got very clearly irritated with a twitching nose. “Nobody said a thing. Rapunzel and I talked for hours and she didn’t say anything either!”, she repelled verbally.

Commander donned a face that attempted to make her out to be a bit of a knucklehead for saying that. His eyebrows raised and he blew out his mouth. “Snow. Basically everyone here but me is a Nikke . They can shut off their nose sensors. Rapunzel included.”

She attempted to redirect it back to her friend from earlier. “What about her?! She’s just like me, constantly up on the surface. And Rapunzel is my friend, she would’ve told me if I stink!”, she argued back, body slinking back into her cloak, her hand rubbing its exterior in circles with her fingers as she gripped it.

“Did you smell her? Did you notice anything coming from her that stunk?”

She grunted. “...No.”, she admitted defeatedly.

“That’s because Rapunzel takes showers when she’s here. She smells pretty good if you ever take time to notice it.”

Snow White’s face was starting to get red. Whether it was from anger or embarrassment, only she knew and would never tell. If the Commander had any keener sense, he could’ve swore he saw her become like her old self and puff her cheeks childishly. “Who cares about if I smell or not if my weapon fails?!”

He tilted his head as he listened to her. Where was she taking this? Was his relation to her focus on her weapon earlier not enough? He watched her as she continued, glowing yellow eyes piercing him. “I…I have to be ready at all times. If my weapon fails, I can’t protect you.”, her fists clenched. “If I held your dying body, do you think I would care if I smelled?”

Oh God, I really screwed up. , he thought as he unconsciously gripped his desk a bit tighter. She’s taking it a lot more personally than he predicted. He chose the right move to be silent and listen. He was not expecting the conversation to go in this direction. Then again, he wasn’t expecting Snow White to make out with him that night. Defying expectations might as well should be the theme of their relationship.

What’s more, there was a rare sense of vulnerability he hadn’t seen since that same day. Her voice was starting to tremble a bit but still remained firm in her usual strength. “I can’t care. I didn’t when you were shaking and crying that night. You’re more important to me than…”, she trailed off, not willing to finish that sentence nor even look at him anymore. She reserved her stares for the floor.

“Snow…”, he sighed, combing his hair with his hands again. Now he was 0-2 on making bad decisions in this entire conversation. He really hoped he could save it because now he hurt her feelings a little harder than he should have. He didn’t think it was going to be such a deep cut, but now he’s starting to regret using this time for it. Putting himself in her shoes, he’d be upset too if he found a precious chance like this would be so…tense, to put it lightly. He couldn’t even be mad anymore. Now he just felt like a massive, inconsiderate asshole.

“Look, I’m sorry, Snow. I…”, he paused, putting his hands on his temples and closing his eyes. “I was selfish and didn’t take your feelings into account.”, he apologized meekly, now getting up to stand with her. He was really close, and he reached out to grab her human hand. He did that thing again she always liked, the soft, gentle squeeze as he rubbed over the back of her hand in a soothing circle.

“I got frustrated. I was upset because of what happened and…it wasn’t right of me to say it the way I did.”, he admitted. “I took it out on you without thinking of how you felt. It was wrong.”

She watched him, herself now having calmed down as well as her chest visibly rose and fell from beyond her cloak. He continued. “I forgot our lives were different. I…have the luxury of worrying about these kinds of things and you don’t. It’s not fair to you.”

She still refused to meet his gaze, instead resting her eyes on the lapels of his military uniform. Taking in all the various medals he’s earned despite his rookie status.

“Snow, look at me.”

She obliged, staring hardly into his eyes. Those eyes were still hurt, but yet she kept listening. 

“Don’t ever get me wrong. I love it when you come and sleep with me. Every time you visit, it makes me so happy, I can’t put it into words. You know I love you.”, he spoke in a tone that was soft like feathers in the hope to calm her nerves further. “You don’t know how grateful I am that you feel this way for me.”

He reached up slowly to softly cup her cheek with his hand, as if asking for permission. When she did nothing, he began caressing her cheek and planted a kiss on her forehead. He then moved to stroking her hair, even if it was a bit greasy and unwashed. She hummed, clearly enjoying his apology. “I just want to make this place a home for you. Give you a taste of a comfortable life.”, he whispered to her. “It’s what you deserve after everything you’ve done.”

He released his embrace, his hands resting on her shoulders and met her stare. “Can we work this out?”, he gently squeezed in a massaging manner.

She blinked, feeling her fists unfurl and her shoulders relax as his hands worked through her. The Pilgrim could melt right now. “I…”, she finally spoke up. “Fine. Can I just ask you something?”

“Go ahead.”

She flicked her stare down towards her feet. “How much do you expect me to do this? And…will you kick me out if I don’t?”

He felt himself taken aback by the second question, his neck rearing at the thought. He chose to answer that latter question first. “I’m not gonna kick you out over this. I wouldn’t dream of doing something like that to you.”, he made sure after this whole mess to gently reassure her. “As for how much…well, I would like a semi-regular basis.”

“I…don’t know if I can keep that schedule up.”, her metallic hand rubbed her arm.

He nods, not needing to be reminded of the reasons why. “Tell you what. How about you do it every time you come visit me? We could kill two birds with one stone. Fits in with your schedule too.”

She mulled it over in her head. It was certainly thoughtful of him to plan it that way. It didn’t sound like a bad idea to her either. Maybe making herself smell good might be good for her anyways. Now that she recalls it, earlier in her conversation Rapunzel actually was on her way to shower. Moving past her naughty tendencies to think about…”skinship”...she always sounded so elated. She was telling her how good it felt, so relaxing. It was like all the bad parts of her day washed away with the water, and she became refreshed anew. Of course Snow got invited and she turned it down…for obvious reasons. 

Plus, he did go through all that lengths to apologize. She speaks to him in a soft tone. “Okay. That sounds good to me. I’ll try.”

He beamed with excitement as he brought his arms to wrap around her and pull her into a hug. Maybe he wasn’t such a screw up after all. He was about to say something until he felt a tap on his chest. He broke the embrace and noticed her looking up at him, still resting that hand on his chest. “It’s just…I have one condition.”

He was caught off guard with this request, evident by his tilted head and blinking. “Alright. What’s that?”

“I…”, she inhaled. “...want you to shower with me.”

A pause of silence. “Come again?”, he says. Did he hear that right?

“I want us to shower together.”, she repeats.

His face was now plastered with red. Where in the world was this idea coming from? A serious boundary was about to be broken here as he never once saw her in her “birthday suit” before. “What?!”, he breathed. “Why?!”, if he was a teenager he just knew his voice would crack to break through the usual process of deepening.

She glanced away from him, almost squirming to get out of being near him. “I’m sorry.”, she closed her eyes. “This was a stupid request.”

“H-hold on, wait a minute.”, he beseeched her, patting her lightly on the shoulder to try and stop her wriggling. He didn’t even bother trying to hide his blush, there was no way it was going to disappear, not for a while. “I don’t hate the idea…it just…feels so sudden.”

She stands there silently before sighing, stroking the bottom edges of her cloak with her fingers on both hands. “Yea…it is.”, she admits out loud, becoming that same old blunt self of hers. “You said you wanted me to have a comfortable life, right?” 

“Y-yea.”

“Well…I’m most comfortable with you.”, she built a back as strong as titanium to courageously bear the abhorrent wave that demanded her to stop talking and not confess a word more. “I haven’t washed myself in ages. I don’t know what soap to use. And it’s hard for me to reach my own back. But I trust you to show me these things.”

He swallows silently yet hard, practically feeling his Adam’s Apple travel to his stomach. “I understand.”, he says. “I don’t think we can just shower alone after this.”

“I know.”, she brings her glowing yellow eyes back up from the floor. “I don’t mind if it’s you.”

“You’re going to see me naked. I’ll see you naked too.”, he reminds her, bringing to him what little composure he had left. Not like it was convincing though, his face was still fringed with a blush as red as Red Hood’s hair. His hands grew clammy, and his heart was nearly bursting out of his chest.

“I don’t think it’s a big deal.”, she said, still staring with an insane poker face that betrayed how her mind swirled chaotically, screaming every nonsensical babble in every direction. It was the worst possible coping mechanism because of what she would say next. “I remember the way you looked at me that night. And I saw you naked before…at that hot spring, remember?”

“Wait…you remember that?!”, he whispered, not really wanting to be reminded of that embarrassing moment where he just casually showed his body by pure accident to her while stranded on the surface. He remembers the absolute shame he felt after the fact. How stupid and reckless was he to just shoot up in excitement over seeing an old sports car! He’s lucky she handled it well, merely closing her eyes, turning away after the sheer shock of the sight.

More importantly he wondered…why did she remember that?! Wouldn’t she be the type to shunt that out of her memory hole, even back then? Thinking again, probably not considering who knows how long she held feelings for him before they confessed to each other. Back then, he was always grateful it was Snow White and not somebody like Rapunzel or whoever would be thirsty enough to pounce on him like a tiger after seeing… that. Little did he know though, Snow White’s face back then was as red as he was now. And internally, she was fighting a surge of various thoughts and feelings. He just keeps learning new things about her this whole time, but he’s not sure if this is one he would’ve preferred to know about or not.

Snow White wasn’t exactly pleased with herself for making that callback either. She actually visually winced and cringed, her eyes slamming shut, nose wrinkling and her lips tucking tightly when she realized what she said. She even grimaced and inhaled through her teeth. The attempt to control her behavior and thoughts really took a route she didn’t wanna take. She made a fatal mistake of mindlessly blurting out what first came to mind. It really turned everything upside down and all around.

“Sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”, she apologized as she opened her eyes, her tone expressing a fullness in her regret. 

“No, it’s fine!”, he waved it off frantically. “I…I uh…”, he trailed off, rubbing the back of his neck and returning to that tic of his, combing and slicking his hair back. He blew air out of his mouth, his cheeks flapping and modulating the air. 

The two stood there dead quiet. Neither dared to bring their gaze towards one another, nor even a single peep. Either one felt if anything more was said, it’d just make things more clumsy and awkward. So they stood in deep thought about what to say next. One of them realized they were getting worked up over nothing, and made the decision to go.

It was the Commander who moved to hold her hand. Their eyes locked once more. “Y’know what, Snow? If you trust me, and don’t care if it’s me…then I feel the same. I guess it’s not such a big deal after all.”

She stared at him. “Even with–?”

“Yes, even knowing you remember that .”, he ruffled her hair lightly, choosing to dismiss it for now. It was not the time to discuss it. For now, he chose to make her happy by doing what she wanted: making her comfortable, and in his mind giving her a home.

She felt a wave of relief wash over her, having thought she effectively blew it by trying to play coy. Even after all that time of talking together, she was still learning. The Pilgrim was just glad she had a partner with a boundless heart.

For this time, it was the Commander who took the lead. He held her tenderly by the hand as they walked together towards his shower. He didn’t need to say anymore words to make her feel safe in return. He just looked at her with that loving gaze and that gentle smile of his she grew to treasure.

Chapter Text

The Commander was always the type to celebrate occasions when possible. There was no harm in it, at least none but to his personal budget and wallet. He often enjoyed it the most when it was around Christmas time or a birthday for one of the Nikkes that surrounded him in the Outpost. There was always something so heartwarming seeing the surprise on their faces when they’ve been given a heartfelt gift, no matter how small or cheap it was. It’s truly one of the best feelings in the world.

That’s why the Commander was so distracted lately, ironically enough. So much so that it felt like his head was full of empty air. Seeing him walk around the Outpost so aimlessly was a sight to behold. Usually the rookie commander always had some set goal or plan. He moved around even to casual instances as if he had a purpose. Yet now, he was practically stumbling around the park without a single thought coming from his gray matter. To some, it even seemed like he had none . 

There’s a reason the cliche “don’t judge a book by its cover” exists, however. As empty headed as the Commander seemed and felt right now, it couldn’t be further from the truth. His mind was full of all kinds of thoughts, mainly about the Nikke in pure white that had been visiting him the past months. For almost a year now, they had been in quite the stable relationship. And after that hygiene fiasco about 3 months ago, he got an unexpected play that took him to the next base with intimacy in the shower. Yet, one thing about this said relationship had been bothering him the entire week. 

See, the Commander knew about everyone’s birthdays. Even those that some in the Outpost felt didn’t deserve it. The Exotic squad, full of awful people like Viper? He remembered theirs. The Nikkes down in the Rehabilitation Center in the Ark had their celebrations too. He had ways of finding out even the Pilgrims’ birthdays. Yes, even a totally smug brat from Eden like Noah received a party, and he still keeps a printed photo of her completely gobsmacked face as a reminder in his desk. Her reaction was priceless, and to think normally she’s got the one-up on him! He swore even a stick in the mud like Johan got a chuckle out of that photo when he showed it to him.

But of all the ones he didn’t know…it was the one that as of now, every other weekend, got naked with him in the shower and slept with him in his bed . Why, recently, the shower stuff has been nearing the final boundary of physical intimacy! It was so undeniably frustrating that of all the ones he couldn’t supply that celebratory experience with, as well as the joy of giving, it was the one who was practically his lover!

Now, no one knew about their little escapades, thank God. But it was because of them that made it all the more necessary to tread carefully, further complicating the issue. Think about it: he couldn’t just tell someone about it. It didn’t matter who or where he turned to, it would end in disaster. If he told one of the Nikkes about it, it would make the catfight between Drake and Laplace he mentioned before look like kitten’s play. Heaven forbid what would happen to him as a result. He still gets chills up his spine thinking of some of the more…”charismatic” Nikkes engaging in stalker tendencies. 

Christ, telling a Nikke the full truth would hurt Snow White in the process too, not just him. It didn’t matter where, things would change for the worse. Her fellow Pilgrims might have a strained friendship. The ones that used to look up to her would be out for her blood. Even more terrifying is the thought that some Nikkes might leverage the Ark’s full weight against her with her status as a Pilgrim. He just knew the Triangle squad would do it if they weren’t already at each other’s throats over who gets to claim him.

If not the Nikkes, then what of his fellow humans he knew? Well, if he tried to confide in Andersen that he was making out with a Pilgrim, he’s sure even his normally stoic superior would have his eyes pop out of his sockets by sheer willpower. And Andersen is surprisingly lax with him and how he treats his Nikkes! The Ark would have him hanged if information about them leaked (and it probably would, by Burnham of all people) and they’d cheer for it!

The CEOs who he managed to form a relationship with were out of the question too. Ingrid, in a best case scenario, would call him an idiot and pull all support of her Nikkes from his outpost, effectively taking them home. She’d probably drag Rapi out kicking and screaming, stating she “wouldn’t let her daughter near someone with such poor judgement”. She might as well should just say what was on everyone’s mind: pervert. 

Mustang…would be an unpredictable factor. He could never tell what that man was thinking in that goofy head of his. It was out of the question, lest he turn the risque relationship into a form of entertainment. Plus, this is the same guy who despite his silly, flashy exterior, has a chokehold on the Ark’s seedy underbelly with Nikkes like Rosanna. Did he really want to tempt fate, roll a dice and see if he would support it or sick his elite squad on him? Hell no.

And Syuen? He would rather burn in Hell than ever give her even a hint as to the situation he was in. That little weasley bitch would turn it into prime blackmail material for life. Hold it over his head until he meets the grim reaper. Forget the attempts to make him look like a terrorist, he might as well just hand her a loaded gun!

Sure, he could just leave out the love part and that would make things easy for him. However, he knows most of the responses would try to steer him away from trying to care so much in some way. It wouldn’t attack the core of the issue.

The Commander came across a bench and tiredly plopped himself down on it, ending his walk. He closed his eyes to bask in the afternoon sun and what was left of the fading summer season this late August. That mind of his began imagining the responses he’d get.

Andersen would let him down easy with that understanding sigh. I get you want equal treatment for all your Nikkes, but she, like all Pilgrims, is a special case. I imagine she wouldn’t care that much, even if you did so for her comrades.

Ingrid would be direct and logical. I appreciate you treating my daughters well, but it’s not like they expect it. Least of all the mythical Pilgrims. If you know it’s so futile and stressing you, then drop it. No use wasting away on a goose hunt. 

Mustang? All he could hear was him screaming “Entertainment!” and other French phrases. Maybe he’d do a silly little dance like that one time with that really weird security card. Or he’d get all serious in that way that even if it’s not intended to frighten, scares the hell out of him. He couldn’t imagine whether or not it would be a solid yes or no answer.

Forget Syuen. He didn’t want to think about her and let her little brain cootie parasites infect him and turn it to mush. 

So he let out a big sigh and dug his fingers into his hair in frustration. He rubbed at his temples to ease a headache that had yet to come. It was hopeless. He never had the time nor the thought to just up and ask Snow White about her birthday. Whenever she did come over, other things occupied his mind as he spent time with her. If it wasn’t hitting her from the back in the shower, it was conversing with her in the pillow talks. He’s sure anyone in his situation would be consumed by the thoughts of those too.

Such a stupid issue this whole thing is turning out to be. It wasn’t stupid to him, but maybe on a logical level it all was and he was just overthinking it again. He just wanted to see her reaction and let her enjoy receiving a heartfelt gift. Would she put on a great big smile for him? She always talked to him about how much she loved his smile when she felt like opening up during their talks. What he wouldn’t give to be able to say the same.

At this point, who knows? Maybe the Ingrid in his head was right for him to drop it. After all, what if Snow White didn’t care? It would render his efforts moot. If he had a better image of Mustang, maybe he’d say something actually helpful in that weird way he manages to be pinpoint insightful every once in a blue moon. 

But speak of the devil, lo, a Tetra Nikke was before him, snapping him out of his trance and bringing him back to reality. Literally, with her fingers and all over the place before resorting to a loud clap with her hands. “Yoohoo, Rookie!”, a coo rang out in his ears. He recognized that twang in the voice, and the oriental dress immediately, as well as those stylish sneakers. “Earth to Rookie!”

She waved her fan back and forth at him, clacking it together while snapping in an attempt to get his attention. He blinked and rubbed his eyes before turning to meet her and her maroon eyes.  He shook his head slightly to wipe off the fatigue on his face. “Oh, hey Yan.”

“Sheesh!”, she folded the fan and recomposed herself. “A girl makes a fool of herself in public trying to drag you back to Earth and that’s how you repay her? Creepy how you didn’t even flinch either.”

He shrugged at her comment. Was it really that creepy? You wouldn’t flinch either at his exhaustion level. “Thanks, Yan.”, he smirked. “What brings you over here?”

She motioned to a picnic basket placed by her feet, which she was picking back up and hooking the handle around her left forearm. “I was just about to sit down somewhere and have myself a lovely little tea picnic. Then I saw you just sittin’ on a bench lookin’ like a fish outta water.”

“Thought it was the perfect time to sell me some brain vitamins or something?”, he raised a brow while turning his smile from welcoming into a smug tease, his energy slightly rebounding. 

“Ha! Y’know Rookie, that’s not a bad idea. Could be able to sneak in some sales even while on break.”, she flipped out her fan and used it to cover her face just below her nose, while forming a rather sly smirk visible even from behind it. She clasped the fan again. “But no, believe it or not, I have a heart and was worried about you.”

“Wow, you mean you don’t have a piggy bank where that should be?”, he continued to tease her. 

She put her hands on her hips and leaned down towards him. “Hey, I’m serious! You done looked like you had to shoot your dog!”

He blinked. “I looked that upset?”

She returns to a stand. “You sure did, Rookie. I need to know what’s eatin’ ya.”

He was taken aback, but not at her concern. Yan to an average person might seem like a diet version of Dolla in the sense of wanting to gain money by all means necessary (legitimate means, thank God). In reality, she really did have the charm and heart of a southern belle if you got to know her. At this, he was not surprised. It was more at the fact that he was having a poor time trying to mask the fact his day wasn’t really great.  And here he thought he was a master of stoicism and poker faces, or so he deluded. Maybe all those training sessions with Rouge down at the casino weren’t helping at all. “Oh. Sorry. Thanks for your concern.”

She waved it off silently as she decided to come a little closer to him and the bench. Her hands were still on her hips in that cutesy, feminine way now without the sass from earlier. “So tell me, what’s got that nice lil smile of yours all upside down, anywho?”

Luckily, Commander read the room and scooted over, Yan happily started taking the seat next to him and crossing her legs, one over the other, with ladylike class. She placed the basket down on the ground and kept it secure between their feet. He took an audible breath and waited a bit. There needed to be a zero possibility of just explaining it to one of the Nikkes under his care while accidentally not leaving out the obviously upsetting and risque part. After all, the last thing he needs for Yan is to find out that all this time he saw her as nothing more than a cute, filthy rich little sister. With the way she carried herself around him, there was no way she didn’t have some sort of crush on him; it would end up as the letdown of the century for her. 

“Well, you know how I celebrate everyone’s birthday around here?”

She nods. “Yea, I remember last week you held a party for Red Hood. She was so thrilled you let her come out of Rapi for a day and do that.”, she smiled fondly, reminiscing on what a ball that was. “You made her feel like the most special girl in the world.”

“Yea, I remember that giant goofy grin on her face and all the hugs.”, he fondly smiled. “I also remember you trying to sell more lingerie to Rapunzel after Red Hood opened that gag gift of yours.”, he raised a brow at her but refused to let that smile go. “And you charged Belorta extra for the food she hogged.”

Yan’s reply was coyly fluttering her eyelashes and smirking, tapping her fan against her chin playfully. “You know me.”, she coos. “It was only fair for Belorta, y’know.” 

He clears his throat to stifle a laugh. “Right. Anyways, there’s one Nikke’s birthday who I don’t know, and I don’t know what in the world I would get her either. It makes me feel bad that she’s the only odd one out.”, he stated plainly, not necessarily lying but hiding certain facts that were on a need-to-know basis. 

She morphed from her lively, teasing chagrin into a surprised expression as she tilted her head and pursed her lips. “Really now? Someone as sharp as you managed to let one slip through the cracks?”, she flipped out her fan and started cooling the two of them off. “Pray tell. Who?”

He doubted that sharp compliment knowing the multiple screw-ups he had in his history, especially that one treasure hunt he went on with her, Rupee, and Dolla. The girl next to him right now nearly killed him back then for taking that piece of paper instead of something actually valuable like a Rapture core. But then again, he was never one to look a gift horse in the mouth. More important to him though were all the small times he screwed up with Snow White. Even when she told him to stop being so hard on himself he somehow found a way to keep doing that.

Refocusing, he shunted that out of his mind as he refocused himself to answering her question. “Snow White.”, he put it bluntly. 

She grunted; yep, she wasn’t surprised in the slightest. “Rookie, that’s not shockin’ at all. From what the other Pilgrims said, she’s a tunnel-vision Rapture Terminator. I betcha somethin’ like birthdays and gifts are weird to her.”

He held his tongue back, but Lord knows he wanted to tell her that was not true so badly. He managed to find a deeply caring and nurturing side to her lately, coaxed out of her just by being true to himself and her. At the same time, he couldn’t deny her words. Snow White’s laser focus on Rapture killing led her to being one of the worst smelling women he’s ever known in his life before he convinced her to shower. It also led to some of the most stilted conversations he had at first, but she’s been getting better. Yet that’s all information he feels should probably remain privy to him and him alone if he valued his life.

So play along with the notion she lets on, he will. “I know, and that’s what makes it hard. The only thing I know she likes is food. But I want to get her more than just a really good piece of cake.”

“I see what you mean.”, she nodded. “It’s either eat it, or have it with food. You want somethin’ more tangible, huh?”

“Yea. The only idea I have is more tools. But it’s not like that’ll do anything. She has a ton of those already.”

She let out a long doubting hum. “I dunno ‘bout that, Rookie. I gotta feeling that even a warrior woman like her would really value a wrench you give her. Don’t ya remember that drill ya got Liter last Christmas?”, she tapped his shoulder with her fan as she reminded him.

He nodded. “Yea, I remember. She still uses it in all her projects and repairs here even if she has better ones.”

She smiled. “Then I don’t think you should be all twisted up about it. She would love a cheap gift from you.”

The Commander however, was stubborn in his ways. To give just a mere wrench not worth more than 100 credits to a woman he’s on the cusp of making love to in his shower is such an unequal exchange. She could sense the doubt in her statement as his face twisted in disappointment, brows furrowed and a frown adorning his lips. 

“What’s got your goat, Rookie? Thought you would ‘preciate the savings that advice gave ya.”

“I just feel it’s too…basic. Snow White saved my life so many times, she has an equal score with Rapi at this point. I think it wouldn’t repay my debt to her at all.”, he explained while carefully choosing his words to not let that slip. “I want more than another tool that’s only special because it’s from me. I want something to always remind her she has a home here. I mean, you know how rare her appearances are.”

Yan’s head went up and then down slowly in understanding, her eyes darting off to the side. “I hear ya. Ya don’t really get to see her much even when she does come, huh?”

He nodded, lying through the skin of his teeth. “Yea, even compared to the other Pilgrims.”

She smiled wide and deep, patting his shoulder in a friendly gesture. “Bless your good heart, Rookie. It’s a good thing you’re not in business like me. Everybody would just stab you in the back for that.”

“...Uh, thanks?”, he chuckled. He didn’t know what to think of that comment, so he took it as a compliment.

The closing of her fan sounded off a loud clack as she put a lot of force into it. Her eyes were beaming and she had a bright smile, a look he knew all too well. He had a feeling his bank account was going to cry itself to sleep after today. She suddenly whipped her head back around to him. “Lucky for you, I got an idea. Come with me, Rookie.”

“Okay?”, he sounded unsure of himself, but it was clear even if he had said no it wasn’t a choice. She jolted up, grabbed him by the hand, taking the basket in the other, and strutted off with him in tow, swinging her hips left and right in a confident manner. Yep, she was going to make a sale today, he just knew it. Why else would she make that face?

“I didn’t think you had these. I thought it was more Rupee’s thing.”, he whistled, looking at the jewelry selection Yan had displayed before her. He clearly underestimated her supermarket chain.

The prices were nowhere near the heart-attack inducers that gyaru would flaunt, but they definitely weren’t something to sneeze at either. They fetched quite a pretty penny, just a slightly less pretty penny. Keeping his finances in his head, he grimaced, unsure whether Yan was taking advantage of his situation to push a very profitable sale or not. He didn’t think so, especially since she seemed so genuinely invested in what troubled him and solving his problem. 

Yan meanwhile was completely clueless to the man who trailed behind him, hair bouncing around while she pursued her selection. She kept making clicking noises with her teeth and lip like a tic while her hands caressed many of the necklaces on the display. He just silently watched her and scanned his eyes over the items and the price tags that made him wince in varying intensities.

“Look, Yan, I appreciate this, but a lot of this will run me-”

“Hush, Rookie! I know! Just gimme a sec and lemme find it.”, she held up a finger, stepping over to the next display and browsing it. “Swear it was here…”, she muttered, carefully fingering each piece of jewelry. 

He rolled his eyes. When she was this adamant about selling something, it was hard to dissuade her from her goal. It was part of her charm though, and one of the many factors as to how she will manage to get you to spend more than you planned. “Aha!”, she squealed in glee, plucking a locket necklace from the display and turning around.

She presented it to him with a wide, bright smile. She was practically bouncing in place on the balls of her feet. “Here, here!”, she enthusiastically handed it to him.

A smile was put back on his face seeing her. That joyfulness of hers right on the verge of making a sale always managed to reflect back onto him somehow. He took it with care and held it carefully in his hands, inspecting it. It was a shiny silver with a basic chain, ending in a locket that was a standard oval shape, but engraved with flourished, flowery patterns. Pushing the button latch on the side revealed that it opened up like a clamshell. It was plain silver on the lid’s inside on the top, but the bottom held a generic photo that was a placeholder for whatever the buyer wanted.

He refocused from looking at the locket to a proud and downright pleased with herself Yan, sassy hip on hand while the other was fanning herself with the opened fan. Was she trying to allure him like a peacock for praise or just using more wiles to get him to buy it? He was an optimist, so the way he saw it, perhaps this was just her expressing her genuine happiness she helped him achieve his goal. It was like she said, she wasn’t a heartless monster only concerned with cash. Even if her business sense was definitely at the forefront of her mind.

“Well, whaddya think?”, she was just beside herself, stepping up to his side to turn her gaze in an alluring smile.

“It’s very pretty.”, he commented. “What made you pick it?”

She takes some more steps to be directly in front of him, mere inches from him, still looking up at his gaze. “Well, lemme tell ya.”, she nearly squeaked in delight. “You could put a picture of whatever you want in there. That’s how you let her know she has a home here. It’s a nice lil memento.”

He nods, listening carefully as he maintains eye contact, thumbing over the locket.

“You notice how it’s not super shiny either? That’s part of the finish. That way she doesn’t get exposed just for lookin’ at it.”, she points to it. He turns and looks. She’s right. Even under the fluorescent lighting of the supermarket, it doesn’t twinkle. “And the best part is, as a necklace, it’s always with her. She can probably hide it under her cloak too.”

“Wow. You really thought this through.”, he remarked, taking another careful look at it. 

She giggled. “Oh stop. You flatter me. Now tell me, Rookie. Are you gonna buy it?”

All that needed to be settled now was the price. He searched for the tag and read it. 500k credits. Yikes! He could feel his poor wallet’s tears of agony cry out. He noticeably gulped too.

“Uh…was this the lowest price you could find, Yan?”, he sheepishly raised the question.

She narrowed her eyes and rotated her body to reveal the jewelry stand display. “I told you, that’s the best I can do.”, she huffed. “Would you rather have this one right here for 1.5 mil?” she made hand motions to the specific one she called to.

“What?! No!”, he immediately responded with no hesitation in his voice or posture.

“So what’s your complaint then? These ain’t like Rupee or Dolla numbers!”, the clack of the fan again as she narrowed her eyes at him. “You want those instead?”

“Hell no!”, he confirmed, but blurted it out loud, the nearby people stopped talking in reaction. He then, to appease the Queen of the Supermarket after embarrassing her in public, turned around and made small apologetic bows that made the bypassers carry on. He didn’t care about the murmuring of the onlookers. They were probably caring more about Yan’s mere presence anyways. He cleared his throat and recomposed himself in front of the simultaneously amused and unamused Yan who managed to catch a glimpse of him off guard.

He brought his voice to a whisper as he leaned in closer. “Sorry, Yan. Look, it’s just that money’s tight right now, okay? We haven’t been getting a lot of jobs from the Ark lately but our troubles keep stacking up. I might have to make a serious temporary lifestyle change for all of us at the Outpost.”, he admitted to her briefly.

She returned to her soft gaze, quietly laughing to herself at his reaction. The girl of oriental fashion smiled sweetly as she reached up on her tip-toes to adjust any messy elements of his suit, like his tie, in a caring gesture. “It’s ok, Rookie. My bad for hitting a sensitive spot there.”, she patted his chest and put her feet back down normally. “Honest, that’s my best value. But y’know, I can always pull some weight ‘round here. You’re a VIP here as far as I’m concerned, so you get a small discount off the bat. I’ll give ya another one too for being so cute when you’re all frazzled like that. And a bigger discount if ya pay me directly.”, she whispered the last two lines to him, waving her open fan in front of her face.

Thank goodness for his uncanny ability to somehow woo ladies unconsciously and effortlessly! He knew his handsome looks he toiled so hard over his youth to develop would come into use one day. He sighed with relief with a light blush over his face from the merchant’s flirting. “Thanks, Yan. Whatever price you put it at, I’ll take it.”

“250 thousand sound good?”

“Yes, absolutely.”, he held out his hand which Yan took gently in gloved own and shook it with a firm yet feminine touch. 

“Deal.”, she then put a hand on his shoulder assuringly. “She’ll love it, whatever idea you have of putting in there.”

“Thanks. By the way, I know we usually have big occasions for birthday parties but…”

She thought about stringing him along for another quarter with a silence fee, but rescinded it. Even as a joke, it wouldn’t be funny. The man’s struggling with cash right now. And the last thing she needs is to accidentally shoo off a friend and loyal customer over a poor taste jest. She checked around real quick to see if anyone was watching. No one. She raised herself with her toes to give him a quick peck on the cheek. “Don’t you worry. My lips are sealed, Rookie.”

He blinks. “Thanks.”, unsure of how to react. It wasn’t a kiss on the lips, so he thought no boundaries were crossed. However he’d be lying if it didn’t make him worry a bit. He couldn’t reject this affection, otherwise he’d become prime suspect; Yan was sharp like a knife and she would catch on quick. All it did was remind him that when he has to break the news, it was going to suck for everyone involved.

…Good God, he’ll have to hide this from Snow White too. Would she accept he didn’t have a choice, lest he jeopardize their relationship? His head started to hurt thinking of all the piling skeletons rattling in his closet.

He cleared his head with a deep breath. Best not to think about it right now and focus on the present. He’s got a more important thing to do regarding this coming weekend. He gently patted her head a couple times before paying her with his card and heading off.

And so came the day that week when Snow White snuck into the Command Center at night just after lights out time. It was once again their meeting time, the long awaited day. All to see her Commander she was slowly learning to treasure—and yearn for—more with each visit. It was quite a metamorphosis to see a girl so hard focused on fighting all the time slowly start to show her emotionally sensitive side. It was like hints of her old self coming back to the surface. Moreover, the Commander was glad to see that she was taking breaks from the constant fighting, even if it was just to see him. If anything, their relationship seemed to boost her morale and make her more effective from what the other Pilgrims told him. By giving her love, he gave her reason to fight harder.

She had a smile on her face, though small and easily concealable, as she came up to the Commander’s door. The pure white Nikke found herself having a shy eagerness each time she saw his door. She reaches out with great anticipation towards the door’s sensor range…only to find it wasn’t opening automatically like it usually did. She tried going for the manual approach and touching the finger sensing knob. It spat out a quiet, deep toned buzz at her. She blinked twice. She goes for it again. That buzz sounded off once more. She blinks again. It was locked?

She raised a brow and tilted her head before shrinking her eyes into suspicious slits. Was he not in today, staying overnight at the Ark? Is something going on behind that door he doesn’t want  her to know about? She hoped not, otherwise either way the journey here would’ve been for nothing good. It felt hypocritical of her to bemoan the possibility of the first option, but she would hate it if that were the case and he didn’t text her ahead of time to let her know. Her thoughts regarding the second were instantly dismissed, finding her lack of trust in him ill-informed and paranoid. But despite this setback, she wouldn’t give up so easily. There was at least one thing left to try. She softly rapped at the door with her knuckles, mentally crossing fingers for a response. 

“Coming.” a voice softly beckoned her. She sighed with relief. He unlocked the door and stood there with a great big grin on his face. “Hi Snow.”

She simply nodded, a small smile hidden underneath her cloak’s collar. To the Commander, she just looked like her usual expression. “Hi Commander. Why was your door locked?”

“It’s nothing too serious. I just didn't want to ruin the surprise.”, she noticed how his body was blocking the doorway completely and it only itched her curiosity further. She would try to peek around him but it was no use. Even at her height, taller than most other Nikkes, the Commander was still bigger than her, even if just by an inch.

She sneered at him and his goofy grin plastered on his face. “What surprise? What’s going on?”

He held out his hand, which she immediately spotted. She didn’t know what to do, but instinctually her hand slowly but steadily approached his and took it softly, as if a gesture of trust. With their hands tenderly linked, he led her in as the door automatically closed and locked behind them. The first thing she saw was how dark it was in the place, and she would’ve activated her night vision if not for the only thing illuminating the entire room.  It was coming from the couch, no, the coffee table: a flickering reddish orange light.

He stepped aside to reveal on the coffee table a gorgeous, fluffy, and downright delicious looking red velvet cake, covered in white icing, with a single candle sticking out of it. The candle was lodged right at the apex of the cake where it met the outer frosting layer. It was just like her: tall, pure white, and shining brightly from the lit flame. All of that sat on a fine plate that almost looked like display china, accompanied with a fork. Next to the cake was a small box wrapped in confetti patterned paper, held together with a ribbon bow of the same pure white color as the candle.

While he continuously, slowly led her to the couch to sit down, she kept her wide-eyed focus on the cake and present. He sang in a low volume, with a surprisingly soothing golden voice she never once knew he had. This whole thing was starting to nearly overwhelm her mind. The most shocking thing of all was that voice that calmed her down in an instant after hearing it. It was as smooth as the velvet fabric and glossed over her ears with a sultry suave. 

“Happy Birthday to you

Happy Birthday to you

Happy Birthday dear Snow White

Happy Birthday to you”

“And many more!”, he finished with a flourish as the two sat, thighs touching on the couch. Her face was blushing so hard, it stood out even amongst the candlelight. It didn’t matter how hard she tried to repress it, it wasn’t going away. It’d shine through even her cloak. How could she not when it felt like she was being serenaded?

“Wha…what’s this?”, she asked, voice stilted and awkward. It felt silly to ask coming from anyone else, but not for her. She wasn’t one to celebrate, and she hadn’t for so many years. Not since the days of Goddess Squad where every victory was like a time to party. Nowadays, these things were frivolous, unnecessary. It didn’t make sense to her, every muscle in body told her so… yet why did it feel so…nice?

He reassuringly squeezed her hand gently as he turned to her. “It’s your birthday party, Snow.”

“What…”, she was at a loss for words, instinctually turning to him for an explanation.

He didn’t need a hint. “See, I do this for all the Nikkes here. Whether they remember their actual birth date or if it’s their first day as a Nikke. Whatever day they choose, I make it their birthday.”, he happily explained to a dumbfounded Snow White. “We hold a party, I get them a gift. I even encourage the others to join in if they want.”

“I…know what birthdays are, Commander.”, she said, staring longingly at the cake and present on the table. “What I wanna know is…why? I don’t even remember my own.”, she kept her gaze stuck on those objects, not daring to face him.

She still held out on the belief she needed this. The Pilgrim was so used to not having celebrations, much less directed at her. Even if in the back of her mind she felt appreciated and loved, the forefront was not convinced. It was a trick, a hallucination, a prank! She needed to hear him say the words to shut that part of her up.

“Why not?”, he responded. “I do this for the other Pilgrims too. But you’re the only one I haven’t done this for. It made me feel awful. You’re basically my girlfriend, Snow. It doesn’t feel right to leave you out.” 

She turned to him, mouth slightly agape as she watched him, his facial motions, and expressions so closely. Every dimple, every furrow, everything. Who was she kidding? There was no way he would do this to pull wool over her eyes or do some kind of awful prank. It wasn’t in his nature. Time and again had proven that.

“I picked today because…I don’t know your birthday any more than you do. I don’t know if you cared, but I do, and I wanted to do this from the bottom of my heart.”, he put it as clearly as he always did.

And in case she suspected him of breaking the news without her knowing…

“Don’t worry, I didn’t tell anyone about this. The only person who knows is Yan but she only helped me get you a gift. And she made a promise with me to keep quiet. That’s all.”

She continued to stare at him intently as he met her gaze back, his browns connecting with the glowing yellows.

“Normally it’s this big party with everyone but…”, he trailed off, chuckling, running his fingers through his hair. “I figured you’d prefer this. So happy birthday, Snow.”

There it was. All the confirmation, affirmation, every positive -ations she ever needed. She could be mentally at ease and finally absorb herself in the mood of the now. Her inhale and exhale was deep as she soothed. Taking it in without any nonsense from her instinct, she found herself liking every part of this. It was all so humanizing, the way he did simple things like this for her. All of it contributed to one of the greatest reasons she loved him so much.

She smiled underneath her cloak’s face shroud and suddenly let go of his hands and went in for a hug.  The hug was gentle enough as to not crush him to death with her android strength. Snow White did, however, squeeze enough to get the idea that she was appreciative of the gesture and nuzzled her head into his chest, humming contently. “Thanks…Commander.”, always a woman of few words.

He embarrassedly scratched the back of his head before returning the hug by wrapping his arms around her waist. She turned her head up and faced him, eyes glowing so brightly as she smiled and stared into his eyes. The Commander didn’t even say a “you’re welcome”, instead opting to move in and kiss her forehead and right cheek. She then returned the favor and planted a big kiss on his lips, disconnecting if only to face the cake and present once more.

Nothing made him happier in the world than to see exactly what he wanted: her smiling. It was the first time ever. It made him all warm and fuzzy inside knowing she was comfortable enough with him now to finally let that beautiful smile of hers show. God, it was so worth it, it was such a precious sight. He wished he had a camera to take a picture, but who needed it? He’d do his darndest to commit this to memory.

Thinking back as her smile lingered, maybe it wasn’t the first time he saw this. She had this smug grin when Modernia grabbed her, blood trickling down her face. A grin in the face of death, completely fearless. It was badass, a testament to the unyielding spirit she had, and part of the reason he was fascinated by her. But this was different. It wasn’t a smile born of battle or survival—it was of love and trust, only for him to see. All the more reason for him to burn the memory into his brain.

She reached for the fork on the table and snapped her head back to his in excitement. He swore he saw her drool a little too. She could barely contain herself in the presence of such delicacies. “Can I?”

“Not yet.”, he snickered at her childish glee over getting to taste that tempting slice of cake, the only time where she ever changed her demeanor. “You gotta make a wish and blow out the candle first.”, he tapped a remote to bring back dim lighting to the room in preparation for the singular light source going out. 

She turned, closing her eyes for a moment and thinking in silence. She blew it out, watching the flame fade away into nothing before removing the candle and digging in. The Pilgrim let out pleasured moans as she tasted every bit of the cake. That red velvet was so sweet and savoury, the icing layered in between the succulent chunks of the cake. She loved every moment, and it wasn’t long before she started downing it quicker after getting the taste profile.

It wasn’t long before it was all over and the cake had disappeared from existence into her stomach. She would have been a bit disappointed if she didn’t move on to the present. It never showed on her face though after regaining herself from the adventures in Candy Land. The ribbon was unfurled first before taking open the wrapping paper, revealing a small box that had a lid stacked on top of it. It was white sure, but it was more of a beige and had this texture to it. She finagled the lid off carefully. 

With the lid now just begging to be lifted off, she finally opened the present. In the dim lighting shone the silver locket he bought. She stared longingly at it with a blank face, practically deconstructing it with her eyeballs and running all kinds of scenarios in her head. Those scenarios of course were conditions that could attract Raptures. But she couldn’t think of any place when it would provide a tactical disadvantage to her as she noted its distinct lack of sheen. Even with the design’s subtlety, her tactical mind found a way to argue against its sentimentality.

All this was going on in her head, and she had no clue of the slightly anxious man sitting literally right beside her. It was like she forgot about him entirely in the moment. Not knowing what was going on, and seeing her staring dead at it made him assume the worst. Poor Commander was practically on the edge of his seat amidst the quiet, and he couldn’t take it much longer.

“Do you…not like it?”, he asked. Not timidly, but rather almost dejectedly. He didn’t want to make a mistake on this. His emotional well-being and his wallet rode on it. 

“I don’t know yet. Gimme a second.”, she put it bluntly. Was that a hint of irritation he heard? Amazing how quick she swapped back to her usual self. In this moment, he took it as a sign to keep his mouth shut until she said something. 

She picked up the locket by its chain with her robotic, Rapture part arm and took the actual locket itself in her other hand. She pushed into the latch with her thumb to open it and reveal a photo of the Commander. Not just any photo though, a picture of him with the most genuine, broad, teeth showing smile ever. You could see the dimples and wrinkles in his eyes. 

The fingers of her human hand ghosted the locket, traveling around its edges and touching the photo. It was such a gentle caress, like while inspecting a fragile porcelain doll. Any harder of a push and it would crack, forever ruining it where not even glue could put it back to how it was before. She couldn’t keep her eyes off it, completely infatuated with the picture.

“When was this?”, she questioned him. 

“That was during my birthday party a couple months back. Anis took it with her phone.”, he answered promptly. “I had a hard time picking my photo. I thought about using my old military academy graduation photo but…it was too fake.”

She kept her eyes on the locket photo while he finished. “Besides, things are different now compared to when I started. I showed you the real me before. I thought it made sense to have the real me in the locket, too. Not some version of me I put on for show.”

On the other side, she spotted a tiny piece of cardstock paper within glued down to its side. The white Pilgrim intensely focused on the small print of what was ink from an ultra fine tip pen. 

With you always.

Commander

Her eyes widened reading the words after the title Commander. 

Kenshi Tendoumichi

She was so stunned, she sat perfectly still and silent. It took some seconds before she ever spoke up again. “Your full name…”, she trailed off. She took it all in and couldn’t stop repeating it in her head. “Why…?”

It begged another explanation from him, which he was always too happy to oblige. “I didn’t think my name was worth much. That’s why I let everyone stick with Commander or whatever they want.”, he replied. “But…you proved me wrong, in a way. I thought you were the one who deserved to know it most since you taught me it had value.”

She then slowly shut the locket, a quiet click sounding off to confirm. Her sight darted down to the floor before her head and eyes refocused to the Commander. He tried to put on a poker face, but he was so bad at it. Just like that night she came to visit so long ago. Nobody in this moment that had half a brain to be analytical would need Rouge’s expertise in reading people to figure that one out. He was so anxious he looked like a chihuahua with the way he shook in tiny ways. 

She faced the locket again, her fingers gliding along the edges before it rested in her palms. Under her cloak, she hid a smile and brought it to her chest. She squeezed it lightly and pressed up against the crest of her torso. Her face was tinged with shades of a light pink. “Thank you. I love it.”

He breathed a loud sigh of relief. “You had me for a while.”, he admitted with no chagrin. Kenshi watched as she put the locket on her neck and shuffled it underneath her cloak. She had this constant smile plastered on her face. It almost worried him, he never saw her smile for this long when she did, a combination of not wanting it to leave and wondering if something was wrong.

He watched as she handed the locket to him, taking off her cloak and setting it aside on the couch next to her. “Help me put this on.”

He nodded obediently, a small smile on his lips. “Okay.” 

She turned her back to him with a slight twist of the neck for better access.  He fiddled with the clasping mechanism of the chain, separating the loop. He held each end between his index fingers and thumbs, bringing it up over her head and in front of her. During this, he watched the slow, steady rise and fall of her chest, visible even through her gray overshirt. The two ends followed his backward movement as he reclasped it together, peering over her shoulder to get the right fit. Once it sat just above her breasts, he used the mechanism to clamp the chain together, ensuring a secure lock. 

She rotated back around to face him, the two of them finding the locket suited her well. The silver truly complimented that dark gray, form fitting long sleeve top of hers. With no more cloak to hide her, he saw more of that genuine content and happiness that complimented her beauty so well. It never left her face for a single moment. 

“Kenshi.”, she said his name aloud. Oh, how delightful it was to hear his name coming from her lips. He wanted to hear it once more, replayed like his favorite song.

“Yes?”, he asked in earnest. She beckoned him closer, and he followed as he leaned in.

“I…want another gift.”

He tilted his head. “Really? What do—”

The only reply, or more like interruption, he ever got was the sudden lunge onto him. Her lips gave a deep kiss she planted onto his mouth before he could say any more. What’s more, her tongue was lightly tapping at his teeth and brushing his lips, asking for her to let him in. He graciously allowed it to enter and emotions swirled in both their hazy minds as their tongues locked. 

Fire coursed in his veins as the heat within him rose and spread to her as they pulled each other into a closer embrace. The Commander reached up and gently caressed her hair, stroking it lovingly. His nose caught the sweet scent of what was obviously perfume he swore Scarlet once wore. Did she put it on specifically for tonight? Her hands in the meantime rested on his shoulders as she let out sighs of contentment through her nose, taking in his woodsy cologne. 

When they parted, with bated breath and heavy pants, she whispered to him. “Kenshi…”, desire laced her tone, the mention of his name only excited him more. “Take me…” 

Once he heard that, a shiver was sent down his spine and goosebumps appeared on his skin. His mind caved, the few chains that held his restraint unshackled. He was in for a long night, and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

Chapter Text

Sometimes Commander Kenshi would let himself be submerged in daydreams whenever he was stuck with the ungodly amount of paperwork solo. But even now, while he had the ever dutiful and helpful Rapi at his side, it still happened. His mind drifted at a line in a request form as his eyes, while on the monitor, were never actually staring at it. Normally it was recent events that were plaguing his mind and making him trip up in his work. This time, however, his imagination ran wild of events that would probably never happen. 

He dreamt of it though. Imagine this if you will, the very same Nikke that had been a semi-frequent visitor to his quarters. The Pilgrim known as Snow White. Now picture her in the prettiest white sundress you can possibly think of. The white complimenting her fair skin and luscious hair, contrasting against her black parts that were more robotic. The top accenting her full bosom, daintily tracing down her curves to her hips before the skirt ended with frills just above her knees. That’s exactly what was running through his head. 

As much as he loved the thought of it, he bit his tongue knowing reality. A woman like her, as caring as he was finding her to be, was still purpose driven. Hell, he still remembers the sheer anxiety when she was analyzing every bit of his birthday gift for her some months back. She wouldn’t care about such frivolous things, and was still rather tunnel-visioned in her goals despite the development. What in the hell would she want with a dress anyways? Oh, but he kept dreaming about it. Would she perhaps smile more brightly and widely than before in it? Would she walk with him along the coastal beaches of the surface?

A hand snapped right in his face consistently in one spot, making him jump and snapping him out of his blank trance. 

“Commander. Are you okay?”, Rapi asked, her brows tilted upwards and her eyes constantly darting about him, mouth slightly agape with a frown. God bless her soul, she was worried about him over every little thing. 

He smiled as he always did. “I’m fine, Rapi. You kinda startled me though.”

She sighed, shaking her head. “You just stared into space for a couple of minutes, I thought something was wrong.”

“No, it’s not like that. Just was thinking a lot about something.”

“What was that something?”, she neatly placed her finished end of the paperwork into a container to be transported, looking over and seeing the Commander’s placement on his end. “Oh. Are you stuck on that form? I know that one can be a bit of a hassle.”, she leaned over to scan his work with her eyes. It was a request form he was filling out for supplies, one she recognized easily as she worked on them often. The sheer amount of pages just to request something as simple as crates of canned emergency rations was ridiculous in both their eyes. If his wallet be willing, he could buy it for a discount in bulk from Yan’s store and skip the hoop jumping. However, no, instead he has to deal with a form created by some absolute sadist just for something so simple. Who needs 6 pages for food requests?! Not even driver’s license applications count more than 2 pages!

“Ah. It’s nothing important, really.”, he didn’t think she would ask. She was normally one to mind her own business and only bring up issues with other Nikkes to him. Oh, wait, this isn’t anything related to the other Nikkes. It’s him , and an issue she felt warranted concern, of course she would ask. Especially given how much closer their working relationship was compared to the rest of Counters. If he didn’t know any better, he’d say she was practically competing for his affection with Snow White unknowingly, and unwittingly. 

“And no, I wasn’t stuck.”, he clarifies.

“Bored, then?”, she surmises, blinking at him.

“You could say that again.”

She only smiles in reply, reshuffling the paperwork in her hands to create a neat stack. “I see.”, she lightly touches his arm to comfort him. “Don’t overexert yourself to the point of daydreaming, Commander.”

She felt no need to press further. The blonde Nikke resigned herself to tilting her head towards him with a quick rise and fall of her chest. Her eyes were glued to him and strangely wanting more. She had to let go of any perceptions she could possibly have about whatever he was so lost in thought about. Rapi glanced away from him, suppressing the more hopeful assumptions and denying their existence. 

“If you’d like, I can finish this for you.”, she reminded him. “You must have more important things to worry about.”

That he did. He had the rare opportunity of advising the Pilgrim that infected his mind today, much less before anyone else that was scheduled that day. This included the very Nikke that sat next to him and earlier was practically leaning on him, touching shoulder to shoulder. She was currently facing him head on as she spoke to him. Again, with that infectious smile of his. “No, it’s fine Rapi, really. I appreciate the offer, but I’ll do it. There's not that much left. Go ahead and take a break while you wait for your advising session later. You earned it.”

“Roger, commander.”, always so prim and proper, this one was.

It’s probably a holdover from her days in Absolute, but it was a huge part of her charm alongside her gentle features paired with a strong gaze. And the pretty, soft, long blonde hair of hers. Thinking these things, guilt struck his core, like doing this was cheating on Snow White. Yet, he knew better—fleeting thoughts were just that: temporary. He already knew who his heart permanently belonged to.

She saluted with a straight face, then relaxed, giving him a small but thankful smile as she took up the physical paperwork stuffed in the box in her hands and went out of his office. Now all that was left was to finish the forms and wait. Well, if he even could finish these damn things.

“Another day in the mines…”, he complains out loud, cracking his fingers before getting to work. “Snow White is coming…”, he reminds himself in a confident whisper, suddenly giving him a burst of motivation to finish it all faster.

“Nothing on your mind at all?”

The white Pilgrim shook her head steadily. “No. Not really.”

“Are you sure it’s not just because you feel that talking about what you did is getting repetitive?”

“That is my reason, honestly.”, she confessed. “That’s why I haven’t been talking much lately. What else is there to say with me? I like hearing more about you anyways.”

That much was true. Their “pillow talks” were more like pillow monologues from the Commander with the occasional hum or reply from Snow White. It wasn’t like it was a bad thing in either of their eyes. She greatly enjoyed the intimacy in bed with him—being in his strong arms as he stroked her hair and being told in this sweet, husky whisper about what his day was like. It sent chills up her spine and thrilled her how for once she felt safe and cared for.

It was a feeling like no other, and so it begs the question, the very one she just asked. What, reasonably, could she even talk about on her side? The occasional monthly meetings with her old squadmates? Her constant war against the Raptures? Or even the days of old during the First Invasion? Forget it. She was basically someone new now, and she didn’t care much for thinking about the past. 

“Why not talk about your feelings?”, he suggested after a pause, shrugging. “You’ve done it tons of times before.”

“I…”, she stopped herself, lips remaining part way open before they closed again. “I don’t know.”, red tinged her face a little bit. “It’s not exactly so simple anymore.”

He didn’t need to hear that twice, he knew he was half of the reason for that current complexity. Her actions were the other half; Kenshi still can’t get that birthday night out of his head. Even if they kept doing it in their biweekly meets, something about the first time made it so special. He put a small smile on his lips as if both to comfort her and tell her he knows exactly what she means. 

“Well, it’s just us right now. No different than at night when you come over.”, he gently reassures her. “It could be good practice.”

She stiffened a little and her gaze faltered, though not really out of discomfort. It was more like she knew he was right but internally she didn’t want to admit it. He definitely saw it considering they were sitting across each other on the same couch. Nobody could mistake it at that distance.

She chided herself mentally for being willing to break the boundaries of skinship with him to the point of making love, but being so guarded about her feelings. Snow White knew full and well the two sometimes go at it like animals, either in the bed or in the shower. But somehow…she found it difficult to talk about how she felt. Perhaps her time on the surface made her more feral than she’d like to admit. 

So she instead chooses to say this. “Maybe next time. I can’t right now.”, she mutters, still not looking at him.

“That’s fine.”, he nodded as he leaned back into his side of the loveseat. He rested his hands behind his head. “You said you like to hear about me instead so…how about we reverse the roles?”

Her eyes glowed extra brightly as she nodded with a determined face. He almost let out a small laugh because of how cute it was. Some of the Pioneer squad would say she’s not as adorable as the old days, but he couldn’t disagree more. “What was your day like?”, she asked.

“Well…”, he rocks his head side to side to crack his neck. “I was doing paperwork but I got distracted. I spaced out so hard, Rapi thought something was wrong.”

She raised a brow. “I know you’re an idealist, but you never struck me as a daydreamer.” 

He snorted. “You’d be surprised. This wasn’t the first time I got caught with my pants down.”

“Huh.”, she tilts her head at him. “Well, what were you daydreaming about? Did you tell Rapi?”

“God, no!”, he exasperated as he rocked lightly back and forth on his side, shaking the loveseat “She likes me probably as much as you do. If she knew what I was thinking, she’d start getting possessive!”

Now her brows were raised even more with growing suspicion. “What in the world were you thinking about, then?”

He sighed. “It’s not that bad. Maybe kinda stupid, but not bad.”, he turns to her. “Promise not to laugh?”

She found herself relaxing. “Sure. What is it?”

“I was thinking about how pretty you’d look in a dress.”, he blurted without thinking, only realizing too late that he just threw it out there in the wild.

She was immediately taken aback, cheeks flushing quickly. “What?!”, she tried to cover herself in the collar of her cloak—unfortunately, it wasn’t working. “Get real! Dresses serve no purpose in battle!”

He blew air and fluttered his lips in defeat. “Knew you would say that.”

“Then why bring it up?!”

He scratches his head and combs his brown hair with his fingers. “I dunno, I just…thought it would be nice to see you in something casual or fancy. No Raptures, no fighting…just us.”

She slowly began to shift into a relaxed state from her sudden stiff posture. “What do you mean?”, she pressed him. “Why?”

His hands come out from behind his head and return to his lap. “I like how open you are with me. I get to see a new side of you everyday and I keep falling in love.”, he shrugs, twiddling his thumbs. “I thought you would look beautiful in a dress and that we could go on a nice date. Just the two of us. That’s all.”

She finally settled and released herself from the confines of her cloak and got up towards him, slowly reaching her hand out before bringing it back. ”I guess…”, her eyes were turned away as she muttered to herself, blushing harder than before. ”I wouldn’t mind…trying one day…”

His head whipped up. “Really?!”

Somehow in the blink of an eye and without a sound, she was gone . Kenshi was flabbergasted, mouth agape. He only had to look at the balcony door being open and the sound of Nikke smashing into concrete outside to know what happened. He ran outside to see her sprinting off like a comic book hero before turning his dreadful eyes back to the giant crack she created. It was more like a mini-crater with how hard she impacted the ground.

“Sheesh…”, he’s still in disbelief. “I embarrassed her THAT much?” 

He groaned loudly and rubbed his temples as he went back inside, closing the balcony doors. He made a mental note to contact Liter and Centi about a quick concrete repair. He redirected his attention immediately to getting out his phone and opened up blabla. He was on a mission and there was only one perverted nun he could count on for this crucial information.

Commander (16:23): Hey Rapunzel. You wouldn’t happen to know Snow White’s measurements, would you?

The last thing he expected after sending that text was for Rapunzel to show up unannounced the next day. Nor the fact that she left him on read without saying a response. Normally he thought she’d be up in flames about it, delighting in her delusions of perverted grandeur or what have you, but nope—radio silence. She wasn’t even scheduled for advisement for at least another week.

Yet here she was, in all her nun-fashioned glory, complete with that way she always seemed to be glowing. He would say it was holy, but he knew with the way she battled internally, it was probably anything but. Even more shocking was the fact that Scarlet was in tow, balancing her hat on her head precariously. In her hands was a bottle, cradled with care like it was some old world relic.

It was only the sight of the two in context really that rubbed him the wrong way. He couldn’t really fault them for jaunting in, though. His door was left open since it was his paid time off. Kenshi was winding down from the day to day bustles, just playing a game on his computer and having nice small talk with whatever Nikke felt like barging in. Like Frima, who managed to get a full conversation with him despite her sentences maxing out two to three words tops.

Regardless, Scarlet replaced Rapunzel as the lead and in dainty fashion, placed the bottle down on his desk next to him. She remained at his flank while Rapunzel strutted out opposite him in front of the desk. Despite all this, his immediate distrust of the situation didn’t dispel. Rapunzel coming alone was fine, but why Scarlet too? Something was up, and he didn’t like this one bit. 

Scarlet looked as relaxed as ever, calm face, loose shoulders, slight lean back to her gait she always had. Rapunzel, on the other hand, had this smug chagrin on her face that was complimented with this pink-red twinge across her cheeks. “Believer!”, she drawled, voice thick and proclaiming her dramatics. He prayed that this fallen nun wasn’t going to do something ridiculous.

“My, my! Asking for a girl’s measurements…I can’t believe you!”, she was coyly biting her lip and darting her eyes at him up and down. “I didn’t think you had it in you.”

Scarlet did a dainty bow of greeting. “My Lord, thou art bold indeed for sending such a request.”, she agreed, readjusting her giant hat. “I bring thee this humble offering as penance for what mine companion may yet do..”

Kenshi paused his game and turned to the bottle, blinking at it. He held it in his hands by the neck of it, sloshing it around and listening to the sound, and sniffed it near the cork. “Honeydew brew?”

Scarlet smile amusedly, brows raised. “A fine nose thou dost possess, my Lord. Yes, tis brewed by mine own hand.”

He smirks, despite the air of the room. “Thanks, Scarlet. Smells great.”, she smiles and bows slightly again.

Managing to go ignored for so long and taking advantage of the opening, the blonde Nikke slammed one open palmed hand down on his desk and leaned in towards him. Kenshi nearly jumped out of his seat and hissed a curse under his breath. Scarlet narrowed her eyes and rolled them at the healer’s antics, stepping back. Her breathing was now heavier than before, cheeks redder and eyes glassy. If this continually went on unaddressed, something was bound to burst. 

“Believer! Tell me…”, that desire was unmistakable from her eyes. “Why do you need her measurements? Are you planning something…scandalous? Lingerie? Underwear? Perhaps, you wish to compare…?!”

“Rapunzel, stop!”, he interrupts her with a sharpened tongue, like commanding her. “It’s not like that!”

She herself jerks and quickly removes her hands from his desk. They close to a light fist at her chest and she blinks rapidly. One open hand finds its way to cover her mouth out of embarrassment.

Scarlet sighed and closed her eyes, shaking her head. “My Lord, forgive her…enthusiasm.”

He waved it off as Rapunzel recouped herself into a relaxed posture. One brow lowers while the other raises as if to silently interrogate him with that small frown of hers. “Apologies, Believer. But I still must know…why ask?”, her curiosity shone still.

“Look, I just want to get her some clothes.”, he explained with open palms held out, then leaning back in his chair and patting the arm rests once. “That’s all.”

“Clothes?”, Rapunzel says, leaning back in towards him, the perplexion only deepening as her head tilts to the side. Her brow furrows. “You asked this of me just for clothes? You didn’t need to make such a big deal about it if that’s the case.” 

“My Lord…may I speak?”, Scarlet exasperatedly sighed and asked him. He turns his head to her.

“Shoot.”

“Rapunzel is right. Body measurements need not be required for such a gift. Methinks thou dost only need an approximate size.”, she said, keeping her focus on him.

He let out his own sigh. Kenshi rubbed his unshaven stubble with his right hand, pondering on how to describe this. It wasn’t necessarily as simple as leaving out details like before, nor was it a kind of one-off occasion like a birthday to excuse it with. Christmas, despite also being a gift giving holiday, brings much more implications behind it. The holiday is inherently more intimate than a birthday, as it's the season of giving reserved amongst ones close to you such as best friends or family. It couldn’t hurt to try the same tactic again though, right? It was all his mind could come up with.

“Maybe that’s fine for a cheesy souvenir T-shirt. But that’s not what I wanna give her.”

Scarlet’s lips opened to let out a breath. Her eyes began to wander around the room and take in the little holiday decorations he had. A string of lights, a wreath on the wall, a large snow globe surrounded by a mechanical music box of an ice skating scene. The other Pilgrim however grew much more intrigued, leaning back in with that wanting smile. She lets out an equally inquisitive hum. 

“Really?”, the nun prodded him further, a small twinkle in her eye.

Scarlet too was leaning in towards him waiting for further details after looking around his room. “Pray tell, my Lord. What be thy wish, then?”

He sighed, slapping his lap once with his hands. “I just wanna get her a dress for Christmas, that’s all.”

The two Pilgrims freeze, eyes widen, flinch back, and speak in unison. “A dress?!”, the two look at him like he’s a madman.

He thins his lips and shrugs silently in response, nervously darting his head off to the side for a second.

“My Lord.”, Scarlet approaches him closer than Rapunzel currently was, forcefully turning his chair towards her. The two were at eye level. “Dost thou realize whom thou speak of? And thee desires for her…a dress?”

Rapunzel nodded quickly, crossing her arms and suddenly standing uptight. “Believer, I admire the fortitude, and this is all very sweet of you.”, she starts off so gently, even in her tone. “But you’re either brave or insane to get her such a thing. I’d drop it if I were you, unless you want to experience heartbreak.”, and there goes the anvil drop to remind him of reality.

But she muttered under her breath that she wouldn’t mind , he replied internally. It frustrated him as he felt himself going through serious deja vu. Only this time the Nikkes that surround him are close friends of hers and aren’t an owner of a market conglomerate separated from the white Pilgrim. It just reminds him of how frustrating it all is keeping everything a secret, it boils him inside, a small anger arising as he hears the same thing over and over from everyone.

“I don’t care. I’m getting her one.”, he huffed out begrudgingly. “I’m getting everyone gifts they don’t expect! Even you two. So are you gonna help me, or not?!”

Much like before, technically, he wasn’t lying. He was getting gifts for everyone that he thought was outside the norm for them. Like he was getting Rapi a beautiful hair accessory Rupee helped pick out. For Neon, a silencer for her shotgun. Anis was getting hit with a combo of socks and a purse wallet that served as the “real gift” after pranking her with the former.

Seeing the Commander suddenly become so dominant and determined like this made the two Pilgrims quiet as mice and blinking rapidly. Both of which found themselves having a feeling of heat rise up internally at this, one more so than the other. It certainly was a bit…inviting. They looked at each other before returning their gaze to the Commander who slightly fumed. 

“Well then.”, Scarlet mused, a smile on her lips. “He hath conviction indeed.”

Rapunzel had a confident look on her face, a slight spark of mischief in her eyes. “Believer, we won’t be able to help your selection, but we can give you the details. How about it?”

“Wait, seriously?”, he asked for confirmation, calming himself quickly. Talk about sudden cooperation. He was two inches from an outburst and they knew it, yet they’re still helping him. It’s all so wild to him.

“Yes. Fetch thyself a pen, my Lord. Thou shalt want to note this.  Our memory gives us key for what the present cannot provide.”, Scarlet put a light hand on his shoulder and leaned in towards him. He was a little perplexed by that comment…what did she mean? Rapunzel took one of the wheeled chairs in front of his desk and whirled around next to him also, seated besides him. She was easily the most eager of the bunch. 

“She’s right, Believer. Now…where do we begin?”, Rapunzel grins from ear to ear.

“Come again, Sweetie?”, Rupee turned to the man standing before her on Royal Road, eyeing him with playful curiosity. She thought he was handsome in his getup. A turtleneck sweater with a sport jacket overcoat, with slacks and business shoes. It had a charm that she felt complimented her gaudy winter ensemble well. It almost distracted her from his reply.

“I’m getting a Christmas gift for Snow White and I need your help.”, he repeats to her, one hand in his pants pocket. 

She hums a long tone, tilting her head. “Are you sure you’re asking the right person, Sweetie?”

“Yes, I’m sure. You’re the one who knows dresses better than anyone.”, he answers. 

“What about putting Ein to the test?”, she suggested, tapping away on her phone and grinning. ”This could be a great challenge for her.”

His head rocks slightly from side to side in thought and hesitation. “Ein’s got talent, but her designs can be…out there.”, he admits. “You even said so yourself, she’s gotta tone it down for public appeal. Remember?”

He leaves it unstated, but there’s another reason: it’s obvious Ein has a massive crush on him. She too, like many of the Nikkes under his care, has the capacity of great and potentially dangerous envy. He doesn’t want to imagine how a passionate, bold schoolgirl such as herself would react to the idea of asking her to design a dress for some other girl to wear for him. Rupee, on the other hand, is much more open and isn’t quick to judge. Nor is she really inquisitive about such private matters. Hence, why he’s asking her over Ein.

She nods enthusiastically, giggling at the memory. “I do. Boy that lit a fire in her to work even harder.”, she grins widely. “Okay then, Sweetie. Leave it to me.”

He lets out a breath of relief and a smile of content. “Thanks, Rupee.”

Her green eyes look up into his browns as she grins broadly. “What do you need, then?”, she puts both hands on her hips. 

He reaches into his sport coat inner pocket and pulls out a piece of paper. “I need a dress that’ll fit these measurements and aesthetics. It’s gotta be white too.”, he hands it to her.

She takes it, unfolding and scanning through it. Rupee reads it carefully, taking in all the details. Her face made various expressions as she glanced over it. Furrowed brows with puckered lips, raised brows and agape mouth. She went through all the various faces when she’s deep in thought. Then it hit her. Her eyes sparkled and she had an open mouth smile, her arm suddenly thrusting the note back to him. Kenshi scrambled to take it in his hands and put it back into his coat pocket while Rupee continually beamed. 

“Sweetie, you have no idea what kind of jackpot you just hit!”, she squealed with delight, bouncing up and down on her heels. She grabbed his hand suddenly and started dragging him off. “Come, come! You’ll love this!”, she beckoned a curious Commander as she led him right to her Rushae store, only mere feet away from them.

The energy was intoxicating as she busted through the doors. She ignored the greetings of the store employees, beelining to go up a nearby escalator to the second floor, heels clacking on the tile floor. Her face excitedly darted about in different directions as she hummed to herself. He only silently watched and let her work her fashion magic. 

Once the steps of the escalator reached the top, and the two were safely on the next floor, she immediately went back to pulling him along. Eyeing over the clothing here, he noticed everything on this floor was dedicated almost entirely to female fancywear. Aisles and aisles, rows and rows, all of dresses of all kinds, and Rupee wasn’t even heeding them. Not even the lavish wedding dresses section derailed her.

Her laser focus led her to suddenly stop at a more open air section of the store. She turned around to see the Commander and smiled. “This is the spot!”, she let go of his hand. “Stay right there—I’ll be back.”

And off she goes, leaving Commander Kenshi awkwardly standing in the middle of her store. He looked around the place, totally lost in the sights. The last time he was here, he needed a suit for some gaudy ball he went to. He loved the fresh fit he got, but damn if he didn’t hate the stuffy atmosphere that place gave. In a way, this floor, were it not for the context that this was Rupee’s store, almost reminded him of that. Only any fish out of water feeling is amplified by 10 times because he’s alone in the women’s section.

He decides to ignore the overwhelming amount of choices of dresses and instead try to spot Rupee. It wasn’t hard to do actually, especially when he heard a triumphant cry. Her mouth was equally as loud as her clothes. She jogs to him with a dress in tow, somehow being careful enough to not step on and trip on the skirt, holding its hanger high above her head.

Her grin is proud as she delicately holds out the dress to him. “Tada!”, she jazzes. “This is part of our current winter collection—and I think it’s just what you need!”

He grasps by the hanger’s metal hook and stares it down. Its color wasn’t a pure white, but a pleasant beige with a pure white transparent layering. This layer covered over what would be from the base of the neck to down at the mid-waist. The beige dress under it from the front had no shoulders to it, just cupping over the breasts. It flowed down towards the floor, revealing the skirt was dual layered and had slit openings for the legs.

Over this transparent covering was a moderate amount of embroidered decorations of snowflakes. They varied in size and shape, but the pattern was consistent. A giant snowflake rested in the middle, surrounded by offset run downs of snowflakes that got smaller the further from the center they were. At the cores and tips of these snowflakes rested what seemed to be pearls (hopefully fake if his wallet were to be safe). All of the fabric was so soft and elegant.

He flipped around to see in its back that the solid beige dress under the transparent layering remained only at the mid-waist. It faded into this position from a steep slope at the sides. The rest of the back was simply the transparent material, the decoration only having the occasional snowflake. The back itself had a giant keyhole, and it didn’t have any sleeves.

He found himself questioning internally whether or not Snow White would accept it. Mulling it over, it had grace and elegance, but it was also a bit revealing. Ironic, since he knew at this point they had reached the final base and gotten very intimate with each other, to put it lightly. All they needed now were rings on each other’s fingers and the capability to produce kids. Moreover, she was a woman defined by the battlefield. Regardless, he couldn’t shake the image of her in this. He needed to see it with his two eyes.

“Isn’t it just perfect for her?”, her voice teemed with self satisfaction, letting out a content sigh.

His face still remains twisted in doubt though. “Do you think she’ll like it?”

She holds out both hands and pats his shoulder assuringly. “She’ll love it, Sweetie. Trust me.”

He started nodding, and was about to reach for his wallet when suddenly the gyaru snatched it from him. “This one’s on me. Consider it a little early Christmas gift from me~.”, she coos at him, winking and heading down to the register.

He just smiled slightly, shaking his head and following after her. Times like these he was grateful to be surrounded by friends like her.

The festivities had come to a close. Gifts were exchanged, the feast devoured, stories were told, joyful laughter echoing through the halls, all the myriads you would come to expect on Christmas day. It had been the longest week for Kenshi, with the tiring work days and last minute gift shopping. All of it was worth it to see brightened and surprised faces amidst good company. Best of all, the prank with Anis absolutely paid off, and everyone couldn’t hold in their boisterous cackles.

So now all that was left was a lone Commander, sitting on the couch in his room late at night. He stared blankly at the Christmas tree in his room. It wasn’t as well decorated as the one in the lobby of the Command Tower everyone was huddled around. Neither did it reach quite the extreme heights. The barebones star topper, shiny ball ornaments of various colors, and the knitted tree skirt that lay underneath this plastic tree was fine enough for him. Its simplicity made it just as beautiful as the one downstairs.

It reflected how he thought of Snow White, really. That sort of reserved quality of her looks. She never was extravagant like the others, but he still found her breathtaking. Which reminded him…she was sorely missing from the party. He stared at the small pile of gifts under his tree which were wrapped and for her. It consists only of presents from him, some of the Counters, and the rest of the Pilgrims of Pioneer squad.

He knew she probably wouldn’t have been there for the gift giving. The birthday party he gave her was more than a sign of that preference to small, intimate experiences. He scratched his head, wondering how she skipped out on the buffet. Kenshi thought she would at least show up for that. Someone with endless hunger like her, enough to rival Belorta’s foodie cravings, surely wouldn’t pass that up.

He recalls asking where she was that night to Scarlet. “Apologies, my Lord. We could not find her before we traveled.”

Rapunzel answered similarly, with a face that screamed her disappointment in her inability to answer. “I’m sorry, Believer. I have no idea where she went. We don’t really keep track of each other’s lives that deeply.”

Even when he thought back to the party, his mind still was wrapped around Snow White. He hadn’t seen her since that advisement many weeks ago, where she became mortified at the idea of wearing a dress. She didn’t even show up to their biweekly nocturnal meeting he came to expect either. He was kept up at night over it, not by nightmares but by concern. Did he scare her off? Worse, did Scarlet or Rapunzel accidentally sink his ship with loose lips?

All this did was add to his depressed post-party mood. He downs another big gulp of the alcoholic egg-nog Scarlet brewed. He wipes the remains of the flavorful, viscous liquid from his lips as he lets out a grunt, satisfied by the drink. He had to admit, the bumpkin samurai knew her brew when given time. Kenshi pours himself some more into his pint glass as he wallows in the buzz from finishing another drink. The Commander was not a lightweight, but he knew he was about little more than halfway from being totally drunk. He didn’t mind the buzz though, anything to help take the edge off. Hell, tonight he wouldn’t mind making himself blackout drunk if it meant he wouldn’t have to think about it. He downs another.

Just as he was about to pour himself another, he hears the door to his room open behind him. He turns over his couch expecting to see a groggy Rapi come to greet him and tell him goodnight before she sleeps. Maybe she would even attempt to comfort him without truly knowing what gnawed at him so deeply.

“Hello Kenshi.”

There wasn’t a way to describe the pure white that entered his sights. Only one woman in the world could call him that.

He doesn’t say a thing as he nearly trips over himself rushing over the couch, and almost tackles her into a tight hug. He’s letting out hums of content as his arms lovingly wrap around her shoulders. So much relief washes over him as the instinctive stiffening from her reaction dissipates and she returns the embrace with just as much vigor. He releases and rests his forehead sloppily on hers. He missed that stone-wall expression of hers and her pulsating, glowing yellow eyes so much. 

“God I missed you. Where were you?”, he whispers, hoping that she doesn’t catch the whiff of alcohol from his breath and push him off because of it.

She does catch that slight scent, but she’s not fazed either way. She felt she’d be drinking too if she was in his position. “I overreacted.”, she turns away and winces her eyes closed. “I’m sorry Kenshi. I didn’t mean to leave you for so long. I missed Christmas too.”

“It’s okay.”, he immediately forgives her, kissing her forehead. “You’re here now. That’s all that matters.”

He strokes her hair as steadily as he can and with tender touch. She puts her non-robotic hand over the back of his and guides him back to her cheek. She leans into his touch and presses herself closer against him. He’s smiling so softly at her, as if to prevent the glass heart from breaking. 

“You didn’t miss Christmas at all. You’re just in time, Snowy.”, he woos at her, using a pet nickname she’s never heard before with a slight slur. It slightly freezes her but she relaxes immediately. She won’t care how cheesy it is or if it came from his inebriated state, she just wants to hear her name from him.

They go together towards the group of wrapped gifts before heading back to the couch and unwrapping them each individually. There were a total of five, and she saved what she thought might be the best for last: his gift. Scarlet’s gift was a metal flask, fitting for the alcoholic samurai. 

Rapunzel’s gift was surprisingly decent at first, being a set of various new old stock parts for her gun. Then a set of lace white panties fell out and all pretense that Rapunzel had decency this time was dropped. Snow White grumbled and pocketed it in her cloak for now. She didn’t know it, but Kenshi was upset too. There goes his future gift idea. Maybe he’d get her a sports bra instead. Or a bra that matches.

There were two different gifts from Counters. One labelled from Rapi, Anis, and Neon, and the other labelled Red Hood. His squad’s gift was a new gun barrel cleaning brush that advertised specially engineered bristles that offered a deeper clean. Red Hood's, on the other hand, was a lighter. Not just any cheap lighter too, a real nice silver metallic box one with engravings that has refillable lighter fluid. He thought she would ditch it based on its sheen but no, she apparently commented on its refill ability being incredibly useful. He made a mental note of that for later. Shiny is ok so long as it’s super practical. 

And so it came to his gift, and the anticipation was killing him. She felt it in her hands and was perplexed by its size and softness. It was this neat little square that was thick and poofy. She was guessing as she ran her fingers along it and squeezed it gently. Hard spots, but a general softness and volume. Was it a pillow, or something clothing related?

Regardless, there was only one way to find out, and that was to open it. Kenshi’s right leg was bouncing on the balls of his feet, his hands occasionally gripping the cloth of his couch hard. His heartbeat grew faster and his breath hitched as one thought consumed his mind. Please don’t run away again, please don’t run away again . He was seriously regretting his antics and preparation for this, but it was too late now. He couldn’t just snatch it out of her hands and tell her not to open it, not when she’s peeling the wrapping paper already.

She noticed the cloth and then went to tear the rest of the paper off. Here she inferred it was potentially a new cloak or something. She was dead wrong. The woman knew it as soon as she saw the top but it was only confirmed when she held it gingerly by the neck collar and let the rest unfurl. It was a dress, the exact one Rupee helped him pick.

Her face had never been redder. It wasn’t even just her cheeks, her entire face became the shade of Red Hood’s scarf. Internally, Kenshi was horrified and Snow White was frozen with a different, small kind of fear. She literally ran away from him for such a bold suggestion, and now right when she comes back, she’s confronted with it again. She doesn’t move a muscle nor say a word. Neither of them do. 

She just stares and takes in all the sights of this dress. It felt like eternity with how long this went on. He’s observing her every move, down to any potential face twitches.

“Is this…”

He bites his lip as he inhales loudly through his nose. “Yea. It’s a dress.”, his voice is a bit shaky.

She stares at it some more before she says another word. “Are you trying to torture me?”, she grimaces through her teeth, that sharpness in her tone wavering.

“I’m not, I swear.”, he’s quick on the draw. “I just…wanted…”, he trails off with a quiver, unable to finish.

The awkward silence that once plagued the beginnings of their relationship return, but there’s an inherent newfound sense of distrust and slight hostility to it. It’s not intended, she just has no idea how to feel. In all that time staring it down and looking at it…it would really fit her, not just in terms of sizing, but down to its color and every single detail. It’s clear this wasn’t some haphazard one-off; he put thought into this just as much as her birthday gift. There’s no ill intention behind it, he’s just treating her like any girl would want to. She knew before she darted off that  day she said she wouldn’t mind.

But…there was always a but. At the same time, it’s just like a specter coming to haunt her and remind her of her past. She abandoned this girly side of hers a long time ago ever since that Mind Switch or two. The last time she ever wore dresses of any kind was during those Goddess Squad days where she was more carefree and hopeful. How ironic that these memories that once gave her such happiness and fortitude in her relationship was giving her pain as well. It was just a reminder she could never be that way again.

This back and forth between not knowing if she wanted this or not tugged at her heartstrings. She turns to face Kenshi and…he looks like he’s ready to cry. It’s a cry of realizing that he might just lose her over what he thought was harmless. Assuredly, were he not slightly drunk he’d probably be less emotionally imbalanced. However, the alcohol is making him vulnerable. It’s just like that first night all over again.. The words start to echo in her head. 

“I don’t want to lose or hurt you, Snow.”

She covers her face with her hands, letting the dress fall to her lap. 

“I’m sorry.”, he whispers.

She understands now how he felt during the hygiene argument. How even what some may think is the smallest thing results in somehow striking a nerve deeper than intended. The ex-Goddess wants to kick herself in the head for this, shutting out the world and taking the time to listen. Not to anything in the world, but herself. What does her heart truly want? She brings her hands away from her face and looks at the downcast Commander. 

“Kenshi.”, she says. He has no response and she feels herself getting worried. “Kenshi. Please look at me.”, she cusps his head in her hands and brings him to her chest. She finds herself combing his hair with her fingers to soothe him. “I’m sorry. It’s not your fault, Kenshi.”

He looks up at her, and kisses her neck. “I–”, she shushes him.

“You don’t need to apologize.”, she reminds him. “This dress is beautiful.”

“Do you…like it?”, he asks. 

She pushes him off lightly and holds the neck line of the dress up to her neck. “I do. I want to try it on for you.”, she’s starting to bury herself in her collar again. 

“Are you—”, he’s interrupted by a gently firm voice.

“Turn around.”

Silence. He nods slowly. “Okay.”

He follows her command, rotating around on the couch until his back is to her. She lifts herself up off the couch, her seat releasing its shape from no longer supporting her. While his back is turned, he hears the familiar sounds of her gear being taken off. Then came zippers, the rustling of fabric, and even some mutters that were incomprehensible to him. The zippers zip again, and a click of a snap-button sounds off, finalizing with more fabric jostling around.

She breathes deeply. “Okay. You can look now.”

Kenshi whips around and is held captive by the combined beauty of her and the dress. She has her back to him, but he can tell he made the right choice. Her light, fair skin compliments it so well, and he can see the small of her back through the keyhole just underneath her long hair. She slowly turns around, revealing the toned body she has, evident in her visible collarbone and well sculpted arms. The lower end of her median sized breasts are enhanced by the fit of the dress, the transparency of the top extended up to the high neck collar blending well with her skin. The slits of the skirt tastefully revealed her full and ample legs, regardless of the presence of the bionics on them and her right arm. This complementation was further enhanced when he saw the locket he gave her resting on top of the dress.

He’s absolutely enthralled with the sight. He can’t take his eyes off her no matter how hard he tries. She’s just so…ethereal. The beauty before him was otherworldly, he’s almost convinced she’s an Angel descended from Heaven. Her face is red and her eyes are off to her side looking towards the floor, knowing full and well how much he’s staring. He’s convinced he just received the best Christmas present ever. 

“How do I look?”, she’s barely above a whisper in her question.

“You look amazing.”, he puts it frankly, not mincing his words. He gets up off the couch and walks over to her, taking both of her hands in his. “You’re not forcing yourself for me…are you?”

God bless his soul. “No,” she replies. “I wanted to do this.”

“Are you sure?”

She looks up at him, staring him dead in the eyes. “Yes.”

He smiles before his hands meet her bare back and gently pulls her into a kiss. She accepts, her stomach leaning into him as he dips down towards her. Their eyes are closed with ecstasy, reveling in the moment. Even if she wouldn’t wear it in public, it was all the more important to him because this was an exclusive sight. He wishes he could charm her like a movie prince and pull her into a ballroom dance, but he won’t. The two want to relish in the moment. Why waste it trying to be something it will never be? Their relationship was a unique one, and that’s what made it special.

The two parted, breaths intermingling as they rested on each other’s forehead.

“Merry Christmas, Snow.”, he grins in his whisper. 

“You too, Kenshi.”

All was right with the world at this moment.

Chapter Text

She puts another magazine in her rifle and fires away. For every Rapture she fells, it feels like two more take its place. Like the head of a damned hydra, it doesn’t matter what she does. She can’t defeat this beast. It’s not like she has someone by her to act as Hercules’ nephew to cauterize the wound, nor does she have a magic laser sword that does so at an instant. 

She would go all out and utilize her Seven Dwarves to their fullest capability, even if some were no longer functional. Snow White could wipe them out easily, but there’s a singular factor holding her back. The person that she is now currently standing in front of to keep safe. It was Kenshi. 

“Dammit, Snow! Please, let me do something!”, he cries out, tugging at her cloak as he follows her slow backwards movement.

“Don’t bother! You’ll be separated from me or injure yourself trying to use my weapons.”, she commanded, choosing to fire the large rifle one handed and taking the brunt of the force in her shoulder. She used her other hand to grab his hand in reassurance. 

However, as much as she wanted to gently remind him of his safety, it was simply impossible. She couldn’t try to soothe him even if she wanted to, as the situation was growing more dire by the second. It bordered into the territory of being officially hopeless. Her magazine empties again and it's here she notices she forgot to stock up on ammo. She frantically pats around her body trying to find another magazine to reload with, dread shooting up her neck along with her “blood”. She couldn’t believe it, she kept trying to find more in disbelief. There was only one mag left, and not nearly enough bullets were in it for all of the oncoming Raptures. 

There were no communications. No lifeline to Rapi. There was no reliance on fellow Pilgrims either. Her friends were somewhere on the other ends of the Earth. There was no other choice. 

“C’mon, we have to run!”, she huffed out, a mask forming over her face from the headpiece, suddenly picking him up bridal style and bursting out of the area with tremendous speed. She kicked up snow behind her and all around from the sheer speed of her sprint. Each new step brought with it a thunderous thud and snow flying everywhere. Kenshi could only silently stiffen himself to brace for the sudden gusts of frigid wind.

He looks over her shoulder and his features sink. “They’re gaining on us!”

She whips her head over her shoulders to see the Raptures become uncharacteristically fast. How in the world could they keep up?! Was this a sudden evolution? All she cared to think about was how terrible of a predator they were now and how to deal with this sudden revelation.

She darts her head back around towards the front. The heads up display points her to a bunker. “We’ll lose them there!”, she guns for it, not even caring to shut the small door behind her as she smashes through it. 

The bunker should’ve been a safe spot, a deep enclosure that these ginormous Raptures couldn’t fit into even if they tried. However, the further she got, the more she realized her mistake. It was not safe, it wasn’t at all. It was a trap, a maze that constantly shifted around and made new walls, new deadends. And all of it was filled with not the cries of Raptures, but monstrous laughing that came from everywhere. The walls seemed to have faces that screamed in terror at her, yet Kenshi was oblivious. How could he not see what she did? She only knew one thing at the moment and didn’t care to think any deeper beyond this single thought. It wasn’t safe. It wasn’t safe. 

Eventually, she gave up on playing by the rules of this sick twisted game and just began colliding into the walls and crashing through them. It didn’t matter how many times she covered Kenshi with her shoulder and busted through maze wall after maze wall like paper. It just never ended, and by this point the monsters are calling her by name. She ignores it and runs down a path that for once has a door with a locking mechanism. Finally, a safe place! She heads in as it automatically opens, drops Kenshi to the floor, immediately turning around and using a free hand to press a button. The electronic lock sounds off. She smashes the lock button to prevent anyone from hacking it open. No thought was given to the possibility of being trapped in a panic room forever, all she needed to know was they were safe. It was better for him to die slowly and peacefully in the comfort of her arms than painfully by Raptures, she thought.

She turns to see her beloved dust himself off and pant heavily from the nerves flaring up. He’s leaning over on his knees like he’s about to throw up from the sheer adrenaline, trying to calm himself down. He even sounds like he’s nearly retching, but she realizes he isn’t and is just gulping air like a fish. She runs over to him and gives him a gentle reassuring side hug, having her lean into her body.

“It’s okay.”, she tells him. “We’re safe now.”

He’s still panting. “I hope so, I don’t know if I can take another rush like that.”, he’s nervously laughing and his tone is high. “It still feels like my heart’s gonna burst from my chest.”

She releases him and steps back to give him some space to breathe. “I’m sorry.”

He’s waving her off. “It’s fine. You’re just protecting me, that’s all.”

She nods before proceeding to also dust herself off. Snow White wipes the debris of snow off of her person and watches as it slowly begins to melt. It’s only now she notices how the place, while not frigid like outside, was still cold. It was fair game given this bunker seemed to be inactive, but still, this was a different kind of cold. The quiet too, is a different kind of quiet. She can’t describe it, but it’s just not the kind of quiet expected from a bunker.

And the smell too. It was more metallic than usual, like somebody stuffed pennies up her nose and in her mouth to overload her with the sensation of copper. That’s not the only thing metallic about this ambience, there’s some kind of faint sound. It’s like the scraping of metal, like knives against a whetstone. She squinted her eyes and stepped closer to the Commander out of instinct, scanning around the room. 

She doesn’t even notice Kenshi turning around to look at her, nor the fact his nerves seem to be chilled now. “Snow?”, he’s breathing regularly and gently calls. She shushes him harshly. He’s raising a brow and rearing his head, he then asks in a whisper. “What’s going on? Thought you said it was safe.”

“Shut. Up!”, she hoarsely whispers at him, scolding him. She’s not mad at him, she’s just trying to get a read on her surroundings and he’s interrupting her.

Her words of guaranteeing safety are empty, she’s finding. Even with her night vision, the darkness that borders them past their dim light is as black as obsidian. This is impossible, she should be able to see in pitch black territory. Something is wrong. This place had to be much larger than she anticipated for what seemed like a panic room. The metal scratching comes again, but this time louder and from a different spot.

Kenshi whips his head towards it, confused. So she’s not crazy then, something is making a noise here. A creak sounds off and the two face its direction fruitlessly. They can’t see it, hell, she couldn’t be able to in a million years. His hand ghosts over the sidearm piece he had by his side. The moment a sound of a scratch goes off again, he’s joining Snow White in pointing weapons at its source.

That’s when it happens, the laugh from the maze sounds off again, and her mask comes off. Kenshi whips out his gun quickly and smoothly, his head looking around in all directions. Even knowing Kenshi is also aware of the potential threat doesn’t bring relief because of his dumb bravado she’s witnessing. She just knows that even if he knew it wouldn’t do a damned thing, he’d rather go down swinging. 

The laughter gets louder and this time Kenshi is the first to unload the gun. He fires once, the muzzle flash from the barrel of his handgun still somehow swallowed by the insurmountable darkness. It’s not just that, there’s not even the sound of a bullet impacting a wall, nor the ricochet it might have from the angle he shot it from with his one handed technique. It laughs again. He’s pointing his gun but refuses to waste another round until he knows for sure what he’s aiming at. Snow White in the meantime is following his lead behind him, keeping her gun at the ready. That’s when the sight appears, cutting through the black as clear as day. The sight is enough to make even her shiver.

Glowing red eyes.

A nauseatingly chilling grin full of teeth that were simultaneously human yet beastly. It only grew wider.

“Found you.”, the garbled, machine-like voice says. 

Who else but that damned creature that plagued her guilt? She instinctively moves to fire her gun, the Commander joining her and firing upon it as it laughs. Yet for some reason, her weapon does not work. It just won’t, no matter how hard she tries nor how quickly she pulls the trigger. She’s cursing aloud as she frantically smacks her gun all around to undo the sudden and poorly timed jam. A tail with an end like a spear shoots out from the darkness, impaling Kenshi through the chest and swinging his body around. 

Her irises shrink in horror as he cackles maniacally, slinging the Commander’s body around before tossing him to the side like garbage. “No…”, she murmurs. “No!”

She grits her teeth so hard it feels as if they’re cracking into pieces. “Damn you, Chatterbox!”, she lets out a primal yell of sheer wrath as she activates the Seven Dwarves, unleashing her rifle’s full potential. A hum in increasing tone lets her know of the system’s activation and readiness. Now her rifle was as powerful as an anti-tank gun. The Pilgrim loads her final magazine and every pull of the trigger lighting the area even through the previously insurmountable darkness. 

Bang. Off goes his arm, the Rapture grunts in pain. Bang. There goes the other. Bang. A giant hole is formed in his center torso.  Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang. Every limb is torn off and reduced to atoms.  Every visible, metal, biomechanical gross imitation of human muscle fiber is ripped and shredded. Every hole exposes the machine like innards. She finds the Rapture remaining as nothing but a twitching stump. She steps over and stomps on his remains, forcing her rifle through his teeth and open mouth. Bang. Blood as fake as her own splatters all over her. Bang. His head explodes into an unrecognizable mess.

She is now covered in the spit and fake blood this Rapture was capable of producing, a sudden wave of weariness over her. She shakes and wipes the blood off of her as best she can, trying to not be a vengeful wrath consumed by anger anymore. Only one thought consumes her mind now as she stumbles off his giant corpse and staggers about dizzily.

Kenshi? Where was Kenshi?!

She calls his name, only to hear the most stifled, gurgling cry of pain she has heard in her life. No time is wasted as she runs towards it, the loud, whistle and wheezing of his breath growing louder. There on the floor, to the far left of their battle, he lies there in a puddle of his own blood, the liquid oozing out of his torso. It won’t stop. Dear God, it won’t stop. 

“Hang on, Kenshi. We’ll make it out of this, I swear.”, she ignores the crowd of laughter taking delight in her pain. With distraught hands and agitated nerves, she’s patting all over him to find the entrance wound, but her hands only get slick with his blood. She finds it, trying her fingers, but it still spills. The warrior in white is even ripping off his military uniform to make a cloth and pushes on it. But it just won’t stop. There’s not a single cry of pain as she does this, just the sign of slowed breathing that gets slower and slower. 

“No.”, she refuses aloud against the signs in a fragile whisper, her voice trying to remain strong. “No. No. No. No..”, she repeats. “You’re going to live, Kenshi. You will. You have to!”, her composure is but a hollow front that over time fails to keep up appearances. This voice wants to get louder, but it just can’t. Over the pounding of her own heart it’s like crushing wet leaves under her foot: barely audible.

“Snow…”, he weakly calls out to her.

She takes him in his arms, holding him close. The sadness wells up in her chest as she fights against the urge to tear up. Her mind is slowly starting to grow ever aware of the futility of her struggle against his diminishing time, and it makes her start to go insane. She looks at him intently, he’s shaking his head so weakly. His lips are curled into that content, tranquil smile of his—a silent acceptance that only tossed the storm within her. “It’s…ok…”, he tells her.

Her fist hits the ground as her propped up Commander’s legs rest on the ground, the other keeping him close. “No! No, it’s not ok!”, she yells at him. “I failed you! I should’ve protected you better!”

“You…nev…er…di..d…”, his eyes try to hold on, but soon they become lifeless and blank. All the muscles in his body give up as his soul leaves him.

She doesn’t let go. She holds him tight. “Dammit!”, she curses under her breath. “No…no…no! Please…come back!”, she begs in a whisper, willfully unaware of his blood sublimating to vapor on her person this whole time.

She feels a breeze erupt from him, the sensation making her flinch as she holds his body out before her. Helplessly, she watches as the dead Commander crumbles into dust, fades away and blows from her hands. He leaves so quickly, she cannot grasp at him, instead his body fell through her hands as he became sand. Flying away, he returned to the microscopic dust from which God made him.

She stares at her hands, completely and utterly broken. Her eyes could not leave those hands and the puddle of his blood, constantly with brows raised, eyes widened, pupils shrunk. There goes the one thing she held dear in this life, her personal reason for continuing this fight. A crushing weight envelopes in her shoulders and chest, feeling simultaneously empty. The string that kept Gepetto’s puppet alive had been cut, but she was not a real girl nor free from control. No, this string was what kept her bound to this world and it was now permanently severed.

She was utterly hollow and broken. She didn’t realize it, but the well broke. Tears flowed down her cheeks in silent agony, staining her clothes and the floor. Her vision was blurry as the salty liquid filled her eyes.

She didn’t care anymore. Nothing mattered. Her fight. Her weapon. Her past. Her present. Her future. Nothing. One thing used to be on her mind, strengthened ever since Lilith’s grave was desecrated.

Kill the Queen .

But then one night, she comforted him. And that voice changed.

Protect the Commander. 

Then she got a gift, which she tightly grasps despite not looking at it once. Her mind’s voice changed once more.

Protect Kenshi. 

But then this happened. She failed. She’s a failure. It goes back.

Kill the Queen. Take your revenge.

But the guilt overpowers her anger. Depression surmounts her in a way it hasn’t for years, not since Red Hood left her. She cannot bring herself to even go on a quest for vengeance, to be consumed by wrath and become a mindless, soulless, killing machine. There was no one to blame for this but her. Her mind just kept creeping closer and closer to the edge as she breaks more and more. 

That’s when it snaps. The voice has no purpose.

Nothing matters anymore.

It has given up. So too has she. Only one thought remained.

I…want to die.

If only to meet his soul in the afterlife. If Nikkes ever had souls to be guided. She wanted the Reaper to greet her and finally take that which evaded him for so long.

Regardless, her wish would be granted as everything turned to white. The red blood became a deep black and pulled her in like an inky quicksand. As she was swallowed, the voices that laughed became static that faded into nothingness. The deep waters of the black never choked her of that precious air, for that would be too kind of a fate to befall her. Instead she finds herself weightless and falling from the space that enveloped her. She falls…falling…falling…falling…

She sees Scarlet during those old days in her black uniform, with quiet honor and a silent nod, a slight samurai bow. It was odd to think she would become such a drunkard. She fades as she crashes into her, passing through like a ghost.

Falling…

She sees Rapunzel from those days too, with a bright, hopeful smile and a prayer of good tidings for her. She too fades past her like a specter as her form hits her dead on through the fall.

Falling…

She sees the goofy grin of Red Hood, and that awful teasing hair ruffle she always did with her knuckles. The visage speaks like the others, yet is silent, but the tendency of hers to goof off is as clear as day. She fades as she passes through her, just like on that day.

She heard a voice calling for her. A man’s voice. Snow…White…

The white dot became closer. Closer. Closer.

I love you…

She doesn’t close her eyes as she’s mere feet from the ground, tears still streaming down her face the whole time. They were travelling behind her, faster and faster as she reached terminal velocity. Her hair wildly whipped behind her.

And then…just inches before it…closer…closer…

A violent jolt awakens her from her deep slumber, her body lurched forward before her head slammed back down into the dirt below. From this a sharp, sudden pain spikes throughout and groans sound off, making her grip the back of her head. Out of frustration from the impact, she slams her fist into the nearby tree so hard it unseats leaves from their branches and causes them to gently fall upon her. At least she didn’t hit her head on an exposed tree root—that’d just cause more than a painful headache.

“Dammit…”, she cusses through gritted teeth, voice strained before her eyes shoot open and her hands are down by her sides. Her breath is baited as she darts her head in every possible direction, scanning her immediate surroundings. Every little sound or sight makes her yank herself towards its potential source. And yet…there was nothing, not even a doe and her fawn running off in the distance after getting spooked, nor the faintest sign of a Rapture. 

She huffs out hastily as relief washed over her, yet never truly letting the unease and paranoia leave. One hand rests on her forehead as her eyes close, her fingers massaging her temples. Opening them and leaning back against, she looks up towards the sky and opens her eyes, putting her arm back at her side. It’s still night, the moon shining brightly despite its waning crescent which she notices through a prime opening. Slivers of white light paled over the canopy of branches and leaves throughout the myriads of trees in this forest. She’s breathing slowly and deeply in an attempt to still her erratic rhythm of her pulse.

“The hell was that…”, she mumbles, brushing her head to let loose some dirt that managed to wriggle its way into strands of her pure white hair. She snapped her head towards her weapon at her side, which she hadn’t noticed fell off from leaning on the tree until now. Then she reached out with her hand to retrieve it. Her fingers brushed over the steel that was cooled by the forest breeze, inspecting her weapon closely in an attempt to distract herself. Of course it wasn’t damaged, how could it be with a short fall like that? She grips it firmly still, finding herself keeping hold on it with her two hands while looking back up to the heavens.

Who was she kidding? There was no way in hell she could even hope to repress this. These dreams just kept finding ways of getting more and more detailed, and hauntingly real.  She had no idea where this was all coming from when it was all so weird and abstract originally. Like once, she dreamed of a wilting patch of white lilies that morphed and blossomed into a bountiful garden of flowers of different species, all white. It was cryptic and strange, sure—but it was harmless. Enough to sweep under the rug and not care to analyze it any further.

But not this one. This one cut way too close to home on so many fronts, most of all being who was involved. It was too forward as well, it left no room for interpretation. Her hands tighten on her gun and her jaw nearly trembles from locking up. All at the thought of Kenshi crumbling away into dust in her arms. Losing him like that, being so powerless to stop it…was this relationship making her lose her edge? Maybe she should just distance herself from him, for the both of them. No, wait, absolutely not, that’s ridiculous. What made her even think of this?! It didn’t matter how hard she tried to shut up her brain, it just kept playing it on repeat in an endless loop and spiraling further. She shook her head to dispel it, and yet it still clung. A cruel reminder of the darkest fears she does not face.

“Stupid dreams…”, grumbling, breath still shaky, she closes her eyes again. It was no use, that unconscious tension gnawed away at the back of her mind like a rat in the cupboards. 

She hadn’t had nightmares in ages, not since the olden days of the First Rapture Invasion, of the Goddess Squad. It’s embarrassing to even think of the day she told the Legendary Commander about it. She was expecting him to either tease her or tell her to toughen up, and for just as weird a reason, she felt she had to tell him. Yet he so kindly, yet so boldly, offers to let her sleep with him to comfort her. It was a tempting offer then, but she didn’t think it had any romantic implications. Instead she took comfort in merely having that option. Regardless, she had grown past that. She was too strong now to be plagued by such childish things. Wasn’t she? However, in no way could any of this be childish because of one thing: Kenshi. He was the center of it all, the catalyst for that fear.  

Not all dreams about him were bad like this one. Some were so peaceful and soft, just like him, with flavors of impossible utopias she wished were real. Others were a little––and she could feel her face get heated at the mere thought—more passionately intimate than she’s willing to admit. But it was never like this, a violent vision of such painful loss of the one precious to her. Much less one that dared to trudge up such precious old memories of her comrades and treat them as if they were passing away. 

All of it was so ironic, and none of it was lost on her. The start of their relationship was marked by her comforting a vulnerable man of his horrific nightmares. Now, she was plagued by the very same thing he once was. The only difference being her partner didn’t have superhuman feats or a good way to navigate to her location. Her eyes glanced over the scattering of stars in the night sky, blinking and closing them as that imitation heartbeat of hers calmed itself. She couldn’t stop thinking: what in the world was she to do?

She could rely on Kenshi, she knew she could. He was always so considerate and listened so closely to her every word. He would gladly meet her with open arms, and he would take her in them. He’d hold her close, whisper into her ear with such solace weaved into his voice that everything was okay…and she would believe him, being rest assured. 

Yet doubt crawled into her mind and sunk its teeth into her. How would he feel about the role reversal when normally she is the one that comforts him? More importantly…would he see her differently? Would he no longer view her as the unshakable, legendary Pilgrim, once a Goddess? If he brashly tries to protect her because she’s no longer the spitting image of the word “invincible”, he’d get hurt in the process and she would be to blame. She couldn’t risk that possibility.

Her lips pressed into a thin line considering it all. She wasn’t bound to return to him for another two days, and it was going to be a special day. She had both an advise session and their promised biweekly intimate time together at night.

Effectively, she’d be at the Outpost all day. Whether or not she could spend it all with him at her side, she didn’t know. That place was a special kind of chaotic. I mean, what if she changes her mind midway through and needs to urgently talk with him? What if she’s in dire need of comfort? It’d be hard to find him and even harder to hide the two of them together. Rushing in blindly with such a place like that was foolhardy at best, and outright moronic at worst.

Knowing all this, there was only one conclusion she could come to. It’d be better to wait for that day. Maybe by then she could mull it over enough in her head to be able to articulate comfortably about this. Maybe she would give in to the bad habit and bury those feelings. Hell, if things went her way, maybe this all would just be nothing more than a one-off haunting that came from all the exhaustion she accrued by skipping sleep.

Yet even against the ebbs and flows of adrenaline in her “veins”, the heavy hand of drowsiness found itself slapping her like a freight train. Just thinking about sleep or her sleep patterns was beginning to make her more tired, she found. Her eyelids fluttered closed and her breathing slowed down to a crawl. Even now the weight of that horrible dream waited to pounce her the moment her guard was lifted. An unnerving grin flashed in her mind if only for a second. Snow White wanted to resist this sudden urge from fear of seeing more bad dreams, but she couldn’t fight it. Damn her and her dumb habit of skipping sleep. She drowned it in the groggy musings of slumber before she found herself comfortably asleep under the night sky of the woods. 

So came the day of the advise session, and what would be her extended visit to the Outpost. She stood in the middle of the Commander’s room before his desk, the same place any of these sessions took place, really. The same old bed, posters, various pop culture trinkets on display. It was the same for other Nikkes as well given how his large room was both a bedroom and a home office of sorts. To her, however, it felt more special given how a lot of the conversations they had about it.

As she glances about the room, she spots a figure from one of those shows he mentioned to her, Ark Rangers, but she’d never seen it before until now. Around this new one sat the others: ArkRed, the passionate, fiery leader. ArkBlue, the intelligent, level-headed #2. ArkYellow, the fool with a heart of gold. ArkBlack, the cool and attitude-filled prankster. And finally, ArkPink, the feminine fatale with unyielding determination. But what was this new one that stood tall and proud? She could smile at how in many ways, it reflected Kenshi’s own admiration of these heroes he’s had ever since childhood. All the stories he shared of how it changed his life, of the maturity behind its writing as if it was some way to convince others who’d care too much that it wasn’t childish to watch it as a grown up. Had she more time to, or if she was more like the Ark Nikkes, she wouldn’t mind watching an episode or two with him. Maybe one day she’d try that instead of talking with him.

More to it stood out to her beyond the mere connection it formed with her memories with Kenshi. His figure was definitely male; those broad shoulders, the flat chest, and lack of hips standing out against the all female crew of the Ark Rangers. His color was interesting, a mix of white and gold with sprinklings of orange and black. Whatever obvious animal theme his helmet lacked, he more than made up for it with an armored chest vest of a falcon, the wings serving as extends over the shoulders, but not necessarily pads. None of the other Ark Rangers were privy to such an armor, the most they had that came close were pointed shoulder pads. She’ll have to ask about it someday.

Her mind jumps back to the situation when Kenshi coughs quite loudly, startling her a bit and snapping her out of the hypnotic trance. She thinks back to what she was going to say in this session, but instead she only silently gulps. Normally, she’d be sitting on that couch either opposite him or by his side as she relayed any thoughts or events that happened to her, but not today, instead she stood. It begs the question amidst this hesitation: did her hopes come true about the dream?

Of course not. Why would fate be kind to her? Her hopes were shattered, her prediction so unbelievably dead wrong about that nightmare being a one-off thing. It may not have played out the exact same way, the events and how Kenshi departed from this world were usually completely different. Regardless, it ended up haunting her for two more nights. It only made things worse and affected what little sleep she could glean. She found some of them were so graphic, to describe them would cause the weak-stomached to vomit just hearing it.

“Kenshi.”, she says softly to him, her sight stuck on her feet as she retreated to her cloak like a turtle’s shell. Her weight shifted about on her feet ever so slightly. “Can I ask you something important?”

She’s praying internally to whatever God above right now that he can’t see her face that well right now. If he could, he’d see eyes so forlorn and withered, it’d be like a sad little sunflower devoid of light. Could Nikkes grow bags on their eyes naturally? Could her generation specifically do that?

He’s blinking rapidly and tilting his head ever so slightly at her, eyes laced with concern.

If she’s so willing to use his name right off the bat during a professional advise session, on top of that question and the silence that preceded it, this must be serious. It’s uncharacteristic of her during these sessions to be so quiet. She’d ask of him even the most mundane of questions well before their relationship started. Stuff like “How do you like your steak cooked?”. Was it stupid to waste a psychological assistance session talking about food? Yea, but at least it was a question as opposed to nothing. 

Her prayers were correct in that he didn’t see the proverbial bags under her eyes—they weren’t there, but the stare could manifest them in one’s mind. However, what he did notice was that something about her was off the entire time. Kenshi couldn’t quite put a pin on how he thinks this but she seems…distracted, and unusually reclusive. Her eyes are everywhere but him, she’s not walking with such confidence anymore, and her gaze is like she’s lost up a creek with no paddle.  He sits up straight and listens intently, their eyes meet as she slowly looks up at him. All he passes on to her is a silent nod. 

She stands meekly to think for a moment. Now was the time to choose: either throw the thought into a box, lock it up and throw away the key—or tell him. The doubts of his image of her are the one thing keeping her mind wrought with indecision. She’s thinking she could just ask about something else, there was more on her mind to be vulnerable about besides this. She’s already gone through such severe breakdowns in the Mind Switches, but still survived and never once fell to become Irregular. What’s another one to add to the pile? 

Yet none shook her to the core like this, and unlike those Mind Switches, she has a choice this time. She doesn’t have to repress and suffer through this alone with nothing more to do than suck it up and keep moving. For once, she has earned something she so desperately needed: a new anchor she could confide in. She had long lost her last two beacons in Lilliweiss’ demise  and Red Hood’s leave as corruption began setting in. Loss…that word alone made her decide this: no more hiding. However, she still ultimately prepared for the worst, breathing in and bracing herself for what may come next.

“What would you do if I couldn’t protect you?”, she finally says after introspection, shoulders suddenly bunching up as her fists clenched her cloak.

He blinks and feels his head rear at the words, his neck feeling crunched under the palpable heavy atmosphere. He’s completely unable to respond, and he doesn’t dare to utter a “uh” or “um”. Talk about a loaded question. He’s not sure where this question comes from and he’s having a harder time imagining it coming to fruition. Even in her supposed weakest moment under Modernia’s grasp, she resisted with such strength and vigor. Is she really capable of that?

He ultimately decides it’s best to just ask for clarification. “What do you mean by that?”

Her eyes removed themselves from his stare and veered off towards the window, shoulders tensing up more. Did he say something wrong? Her face becomes grim as her eyes constantly dart about the floor. “What if I failed to keep you safe? What if…”, she suddenly trails off, refusing to finish the next sentence. 

He finds his breath hitched and tries to rectify it with what he says next. “So that’s it…”, he wonders aloud, drumming his knuckles on his desk, his own eyes heading to a different corner of the room before returning to her. “If there was a case where you failed, I’d doubt I’d be able to do anything.”, he remarks, answering the original question and knowing the severity of the situation that would call for that. “But if you want to know how I’d feel …”, he offers as an alternative.

She’s stone-walling as hard as she can, but the small twitch in her fingers tells otherwise. He gives her a soft smile to try and comfort her. “I’d still be happy knowing you tried. To do that shows me how much you love me.”, he tries to coax her with his gentle tone. “Besides, I don’t think you’d fail me. Even if you supposedly did, I wouldn’t see you as a failure.”

Darkness only clouds her face as she manages to look upset despite her stoic face, all of it being in the eyes. It’s just like her dream, he’s way too happy to accept it all. And now she wonders if the dream isn’t a dream but an actual prophetization of the future. She clenches her teeth and her body only gets tighter as a result. She still wasn’t content, and he had no idea why. It was making him upset as a result. 

He was about to say something before she cuts in, before he can even start to open his mouth. “Don’t you ever feel powerless?”, she strains out.

“All the time.”, he doesn’t hesitate to answer, no longer using that powerful voice of his and choosing to soften and quiet it. He’s leaning in towards her from his desk chair. “You wouldn’t believe how frustrated I get knowing that no matter what I do, I can’t truly protect you.”

Their eyes lock as her head snaps up from the floor to him. “Then why bother trying if you know that?”, she asks. “You’re human. It’s only natural you can’t protect me. You’d only kill yourself in the process.”

“I’d still rather die trying.”, he retorts, proudly professing his resolve, puffing his chest out. “Even if I’m powerless, I’ll still try because I love you that much. I just want you to be happy. You deserve that after all you’ve been through.”

She nearly flinches at his words, they’re so strong, and in that near-flinch every single tension seems to wash away. Her teeth unclench, her fists release, and her shoulders drop. He continues. “I know I’m weak and foolish, Snow. But the best part for me is knowing you aren’t.”, he gets up from his chair, walking over to her and placing his hands on her shoulders. He gives them a gentle squeeze. “You’ve never let me down, and I don’t think you will anytime soon. You’d never, even when you fail.”

Her intensity loses all hold on her as she is completely and utterly relaxed. She agrees with his sentiment, yet disagrees at the same time. He can be foolish, yes, but he’s hardly weak. Nobody but him can say he managed to shoot down a Heretic with a Nikke weapon while having a broken arm and leg. Much less still standing to tell the tale! She finds herself so grateful he’s accepting it all and finds just the right words to ease her. 

That hideous doubt begins to crawl back into its hole when his light shines. She can’t fight against his touch nor his soothing words. It’s just like she surmised, he soothes her troubles so easily. She wonders just what kind of dark arts he’s learned to be able to do such things.

She audibly sighs, still unable to face him. “I know I won’t. But I can’t stop thinking about what if I do. It’s just…”, she wants to cinch her doubts, nip them in the bud if you will.

“It’s just…what?”, he beckons her lightly.

Her gaze slowly comes around from the floor to his once more. She’s staring in silence, mouthing the words to say as if practicing. She finally whispers them. “I can’t lose you. I don’t want to lose you.”

He smiles before embracing her. “You won’t.”, his words echo her own she said to him so long ago. “Snow, just know that if anything’s bothering you, you can always tell me.”

“I know.”

His hand trails up from her upper back, to her shoulder, to her neck, along her jaw, before cupping her cheek. He plants a kiss on her head and rests his nose in her hair, taking in the earthy scents she accrued from being outside. “I can’t lose you either.”, he murmurs into her hair.

She pulls him closer to her in a tight embrace, burying her face in his chest as her hands meet his back. He starts stroking her back with his other hand as the one cupping her cheek changes to ruffling the back of her hair lightly. The Pilgrim’s just engrossed in his touch, her eyes closed as she highlights every sensation in her mind. No words were exchanged between the two, and none were needed. It’s a while before she finally decides to hit him with the explanation for all these questions.

“I…had a nightmare.”, she admits into his chest.

“Really? So that’s what this was about.”, he asks and realizes, still having his nose resting in her hair. “When?”

“It’s been happening over the past two days.”

“Was it about you failing to protect me from harm?”

There’s a pause of silence, he feels her breathe deeply and shakily on his clothes.

“Yes. I lost you.”

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

She absorbs herself in his affections some more for a short time. “Would you think differently of me if I told you everything?”, the question of confirmation for her arises.

He smiles, kissing her head again. “Never.”, he’s now resting his cheek on her hair as he whispers towards her ear. “You’ll always be my strong, compassionate Snow White.”

An abrupt interruption came to the tune of blaring beeps. A timer alarm sounds off and he sighs deeply, cursing something in a whisper. He lets go of her and she too releases the embrace. His eyes are apologetic as he groans aloud. “I’m really sorry, Snow. I have to set that cause, y’know, there’s more to advise after you.”

She’s so disappointed and inside her mind is just bitterly lingering on that accursed clock and how it cut through that moment. It seemed that during the day there was always something to tear them apart. As if the idea they were star-crossed lovers couldn’t be any more hammered in by the fact that night seemed to be their only repose. Alas, she couldn’t deny it was bound to happen. Such was the trademark of the advising session—limited time to give when it’s always moving forward. Her face feels his tender touch on her cheek once more as he guides her to stare at him. He’s still smiling despite all this. 

“Let’s talk about this later tonight. You’ll be here all day, right?”

She silently nods at him, her face as blank as the first time he met her. Her eyes however, spoke of the intensity of wanting for the wait to be over. 

“Then it’s settled. Get yourself some time to check out this place and go do something. Then we’ll have all the time in the world for each other. Okay?”

She could feel any resolve trickle away as she was disarmed before that warmth in his face that complimented him so well. He could be downright convincing with that alluring, gentle grin and soft eyes of his alone.

“Ok.”, she says. “I’ll try to be discreet when I come back.”

The grin grows bigger. “Great! I’ll see you then.”

“Before I go…Kenshi.”, she pleads with only her eyes.

He obliges obediently and without needing a word more as he plants a deep, lush kiss on her lips. When they parted, it made a loud smacking noise. She separated from the embrace fully, taking a few steps back and gracing him with a small smile before turning and leaving, her face shifting back to her usual demeanor.

She sat on the edge of the bed, wedging herself between Kenshi’s legs as he brushed her freshly wet hair. He took it at a slow pace, gently combing it with repeated short strokes that removed every knot and tangle without pain. When he was done with one area, he would go to the next on the right. Once he was done there, he went down and repeated the process. Right now, he was putting the finishing touches, combing the hair in steady long strokes to reshape it to its usual trademark style. After the last stroke, he fingered through the strands with just as much softness. 

He pulled her in closer by the stomach and planted a kiss on the back of her head, and then another on her bare shoulder. He loved every whiff and scent of the soap she used. When they started showering, she at first just used whatever he had, but soon he grew tired of just smelling what was basically himself. He eventually found her a more feminine scent she liked and agreed on, and still to this day hid her exclusive soaps away from the other Nikkes that borrowed his shower. She now smelled of sweet hibiscus and pomegranate, her shampoo taking on a different scent of peaches and cream. He loved it, because it was definitively her scent.

While he may have had a problem with her taking on his scent, he did not mind her current post shower clothing. Originally, she just had a mere towel or would borrow his bathrobe. He couldn’t just buy women’s clothes or he’d have even more to hide. Instead, he simply bought a tank top and a pair of boxer briefs under the excuse of needing more underwear, even if he preferred boxers. The gray underwear and white tank top fit her surprisingly well, and to him wearing basically his clothing and sizes made her look very cute in his eyes. She was smaller than him, so there was a slight oversizedness in her fit, but it wasn’t exaggerated. It was in this “Goldilocks zone” of the adorableness of oversized clothing.

Ironically, this would reflect in her choice of underwear permanently, as she would wear men’s boxer briefs now instead of her usual wraps she had on previously. She always commented it was because they served the same purpose as her wraps but were just more convenient. In reality, it was a mix of that and a weird way of feeling even closer to Kenshi despite the distance. He took it at face value, seeing no real reason to pry deeper, as if there was a deep reason behind it to get worked up about.

He tossed the brush aside into a container which he then closed and handed off to her to be placed under his bed. Afterwards, the two were now basically cuddling after their shower, sitting upright on the edge of his bed after their grooming activities. Both were content to just sit there in silence and bask in each other’s damp warmth if they could. 

“So…”, Kenshi breaks the void of silence. “Did you do anything fun today?”

She hums, thinking back on the day so far. “I did some patrols first. Managed to get some Raptures before they could catch us off-guard.”

He’s smiling, it’s just like her to be ever-ready and conscious. “And?”

“I decided to check out that maid cafe.”

He whistles at her boldness. “Really. What made you do that?”

“Scarlet was here at the time and invited me. She said the place had good food.”

“That’s another surprise.” 

“How so?”

“I’d thought she'd invite you to the bar here rather than that place.”

“That’s what I said.”, she points out. “Apparently, according to her, alcohol’s all that place is really good for.”

He lets out a quick laugh. “She’s not wrong. The food there is more to treat the drunk munchies than be food you’d like sober.”

She holds up a finger. “I’d still like to try it.”

He’s smirking from ear to ear as he lightly ruffles her freshly combed hair. “Course you would.”, he teases. “How was it?”

Her head leans back into the nape of his neck. “Cocoa’s style is a bit…strange. That omurice was drenched in ketchup.”, she recalls, nearly wincing at the remains of that vinegary condiment that still plagued her mouth despite having brushed her teeth. “She was trying to draw a cat on it but then she lost control of the bottle pretty quick.”

The tug at his lips never fades. “Lemme guess, she then ran with it and said the more ketchup, the merrier?”

“Yes.”, she mused. “Scarlet just looked at us funny the whole time.”

He could see it now. That trademark blank-minded yet somehow bemused, open mouth grin of hers. She probably found the whole thing funny but dared not to laugh at Snow White when she’s right there. Or be potentially rude to an airheaded, if somewhat childishly wondrous, head maid. It was her way of conveying her odd but curtly consideration for others.

“That wasn’t the weirdest thing about the place though.”, she says. “I ordered a cake that looked super good and you wouldn’t believe who I saw coming out to give me it.”

He hums. Kenshi knows the answer but he wants her to keep talking to him. “Privaty of all people, in this really revealing maid outfit with cat stuff all over it. Even had a tail and ears.” He stifles another laugh as she continues. “Her face got all red trying to ask me what I was doing here.”

“As if you couldn’t be a customer.”, he sarcastically remarks. 

She ignores it, but not out of offense, just with no real reaction. “She stopped me from eating it to do this spell she told me was absolutely necessary to her job there. I didn’t even know she worked at that place. Did you?”

“Yea.”, he answers. “Once I went there for lunch and saw her. She had the same reaction to me.”

That was an understatement. She made a big deal out of inviting him and on top of showing herself at this new job, she fruitlessly tried flirting with him in being his “personal maid” throughout that Valentine’s season. This was in the same year, just before their relationship kicked off in the fall, but sadly for her, he wasn’t interested. Instead, he took it as a fun opportunity to tease the living hell out of her and make her face colored like Cocoa’s ketchup daily. I mean, why not? She always has this air about her that tries to play off like she’s too cool to like him, like tsunderes from his shows. It’d be funny to watch her get thrown through the loop for a change. 

Snow White tilts her head even while still under his chin. “Does the Ark not pay her enough?”

“No, it does. She’s just got poor spending habits.”, he reveals, having this mischievous grin. “She uses the job to supplement her income and prevent her from going completely broke.”

She nods. “I see.”

And with that, the two officially ran out of what to say. More intimate silence permeated the two after this and it was because of one reason: the interrupted discussion from earlier. As great as this casual conversation was, both of them knew it would have to change back to that heavy topic eventually. It would be unwise to not address the elephant in the room, much less have it be done too late. Snow White felt the best chance was now, and Kenshi didn’t want to break a promise. He decided to take the lead as a reversal from the last time the two discussed something nightmare related.

“Right…Snow, what did you want to talk about earlier?”, he beckons her.

She takes a deep breath in slight hesitation, but immediately steels herself. There was no need for more delay from melodrama. “I wanted to tell you about my nightmare.”

“Shoot.”

She wriggles her way out of his embrace to his surprise, finding herself standing up from the bed. “Can we lay together? I…just want to.”, her fingers are rubbing on the bottom of her boxer briefs. 

Anything to make her more comfortable. He doesn’t waste a moment, finding himself propping himself up on his hands to push himself backwards. It makes him tumble towards his bed as he lays on his side, still facing towards Snow White. She carefully made her way over, crawling over until eventually she’s on the other pillow just next to him. The Pilgrim is also on her side, finding herself interlocking their eyes. She’s thankful for the heeded request, warming up and easing at the mere sight of his face. His brown eyes and messy short hair of the same color. She always found him so handsome. 

“So,” he whispers, “tell me about your nightmare.”

First, she grabs his hand that rested on top of his side that wasn’t lying on the bed and guides it to her cheek. She placed it there but let his hand softly cup her face on its own. There is a calm like no other permeating throughout her body. With slow breath, she too in low volume recounts the dream that started it all two days ago.

“I…”,  she pauses. “I don’t want to tell you every little thing. It’s a long story.”

“That’s fine. Just say what you need to.”, he responds, rubbing his thumb over her cheek. She’s not like him, willing to drag through the details. That was okay, so long as she told him, he didn’t care how short.

She takes another shaky breath. “Every part of it was awful, Kenshi.”, she closes her eyes. “It didn’t matter how hard I tried, or how tightly I kept you close—I was powerless to stop it. You always slipped through my fingers…you passed on. You left me.”

He silently listens, still thumbing her cheek but at a slower pace. “Seeing every violent death wasn’t the worst part. Watching you go was.”, she reopens her eyes, they were quivering. “I made a promise to myself and you that night that I’d always keep you safe. Failing it…”, she trails off, shutting her eyes again.

Kenshi closed the gap between them and pulled her into an embrace, letting her face take refuge at the crest of his chest. His chin rested on the top of her head as he stroked her back with his hand, the other tenderly stroking her hair. The rising and falling of her shoulders tremored, her breathing turned silent. He planted a kiss on her still damp hair.

“It’s just like with Marian. I failed to keep Chatterbox away. I failed that promise. And it hurts so much more.”, her voice that normally had such strength and guard to it was stripped away. If Red Hood was here, she could remark on how it sounded like the day when she left in that final moment after such an angry outburst. It had been forever since she was this vulnerable and expressive again. 

“I never realized until now just how much you matter to me.”, she’s on the verge of tears, he can feel it. “It doesn’t matter if it’s real or not, Kenshi. Losing you…it’s unbearable. I can’t. I don’t want you to die.”

She’s clutching at his shirt. “I need you.”, her whisper is hoarse. “I didn’t know whether to tell you or not because I didn’t want you to think I was weak. I don’t know what these feelings mean anymore. After so long I…”

She trembles, only a single tear is felt on the fabric of his shirt, as it creates a single wet spot.

“Look at me. Crying…I’m unbelievable.”

He pulls her in tighter. “It’s not unbelievable.”

“I shouldn’t be. Raptures, they—”

He interrupts her. “Snow, you’re not weak for having fears or crying. You’re stronger for having them.”, he’s whispering towards her ear. “Being afraid of new feelings or losing someone is what makes you human. You can say you’re not, but to me you’ll always be the same as me— my precious, human, Snow White.”

She’s now wrapping her arms around him as they cradle each other, the dam fully breaking as the quiet tears flow down her face and into his shirt. “You’re not some weapon of war to be used and tossed. It’s okay to feel these things. I do too.”, he reminds her, hearing those words just shows her why she fell in love in the first place. “I'll say it again, Snow. You’ll never be weak in my eyes. Not now, not ever.”

She says nothing, just feeling his hands reassure her and his lips grace the top of her head. “We’re in this together, okay?”, he coos. “You’re always my strength. Let me be it for you too.”

“Okay.”, she wavers, nodding as best she can while burying her face in his chest. “Thank you.”

He’s smiling so sweetly, but she won’t see it. She’s too busy letting it all out. “I love you so much, Snow. I’ll always be with you, remember?”

He’s now squeezing his arm into their embrace to tap the locket she’s still wearing and has been for the entire time. She nods. “I know. I love you too.”, she affirms into him. 

As the tears dry up in the continual embrace, she feels whatever hold the nightmares had on her waning, comfortable with him. There is nothing but the sound of the two silently breathing and the occasional hoot of an owl from outside. She finds herself thinking about it all, how this was the first time she felt and displayed such raw emotion in a long time. When was the last time this happened? Was it when those Raptures defiled Lilith’s grave and ran off with her head? When she was alone after the Modernia operation? She hasn’t felt such arousal of feelings in a long time, and it only heightens the admitted importance of the man she’s cuddling with now. 

She feels him pull up the bedding and submerge themselves in more soft warmth. It reminds her that no matter the horrendous dreams, that this—this gentle moment—this was reality. She may beat herself up constantly over things that happened in the past, how she felt, acted, etc., but no matter what he was there. He’d always accept her no matter the problem nor the cost. With him, she truly found a home she can comfort in after years of wandering, believing nowhere was safe. It only solidified what she thought before in passing: they belonged together. Just like the embrace, they would be unbroken too. How did the stereotypical marriage vow go again? “Till death do us part”? It was fitting for them. If only Nikkes could get married to humans, or if she could find herself able to be put back into a human body. 

The overwhelming warmth and sense of relaxation brings her such peace that drowsiness slowly begins to overcome her. Her eyelids flutter between open and closed in a vain attempt to stay awake and savor the moment some more while she can still be conscious. Before she succumbs, she thinks back on everything up until now. Had this been before the relationship, she’d be keeping him at a distance and bottling it up deeper just to trudge on. However now with Kenshi…she’s finding her emotional tenderness of old returning, that buried, deeply caring Snow White of old resurfacing. No—not resurfacing, she can never go back to that innocent girl. It’s more like she’s remodeling, taking that piece of her thought to be long dead and reincorporating it into her new self.

She was finding such influence to not be a bad thing. Like he told her—this was only adding to her strength. It all felt surprisingly…good…to be emotionally vulnerable again, to have someone new to be her pillar she can trust. With that content, the drowsiness washes over her gradually and forces her mind to stop. It isn’t long before they shut completely and remain that way for a while. Her mind drifts off to sleep, and just before she’s under, she hears one hushed final thing from her beloved.

“Good night, Snowy. I love you forever.”

Chapter Text

One question can only burn into those who share a relationship with any Pilgrim, besides all the implications of Ark society viewing it if ever found out. That being:

How in the world do you take a Pilgrim out for a date?

Kenshi and Snow White both found their relationship was strange on so many levels. It was anything but idealistic, neither was it “normal” in any sense of the word. Snow White had just shattered the walls around her emotions despite being so brazenly physically intimate with him beforehand. She was also changing in ways neither could’ve predicted. Kenshi, on his end, was realizing that the limited time together crafted a specific nature to the relationship. They were basically star-crossed lovers of a fairy tale, waiting for a gap to bridge the heavens so they could meet.  

It comes as no surprise that the basic concept of a date was seemingly foreign, even this deep in. Normally, dates were the kind of thing that string you along and deepened the bond. It would take you through all the bases until you hit marriage and score that home run with a child or three. There’s just one problem though: the entire situation facilitated something much more complex than that. All because their entire lovelife was predicated on taboo.

A Nikke and her commander, together as lovers. It was absolutely scandalous! As far as the Ark was concerned, it was equal to making out with your sibling. You just didn’t do it, semantics of the comparison be damned. A reminder too: it's not just some run of the mill mass-produced Nikke. Nor was it a special one born of the Ark. It was a legendary Pilgrim, much less one that was a remnant of the original Goddess squad. That status alone only amplified the problems up to eleven.

It’s not just in the general context, but the specificity of it as it relates to Kenshi. He was a unique Commander in that he treated his Nikkes like humans. The man was even willing to throw his life away for them. What kind of Nikke wouldn’t fall in love with that? As a result, whether he wanted it or not, he attracted an entire harem of Nikkes that all felt some sort of attachment to him. Not all of the Nikkes’ admirations were romantic, thankfully, but it usually tended to make up the majority. So he was having to do his damndest to hide his relationship with Snow White as much as possible, from every possible angle.

What does this mean for the two of them? Traditional dates are out the window. He can’t just bring her to the Ark, the bastards would be like vultures and capture her for “study”. Going somewhere in the Outpost then? Not happening, the place has Nikkes everywhere and some humans too. He’s bound to get glares from either party, be it from shock, disgust, or worse, utter jealousy. The only way to mask it is to make it a group event, but by then it’s not really a date, is it? Ducking out in the bathroom for a makeout sesh would only look extremely suspect and be insanely risky.

The best choice would be then to simply do things in his room, right? Wrong. Even if he locked the doors, Nikkes under his care would still be trying to bust it down for some odd reason or another. Cocoa would want to go on adventure, Milk would want him to train, Yulha would want him to file more paperwork, Guillotine would babble nonsense at him, etc, etc. They could do it on their nightly meetings, but it would extend well into the night and both were exhausted by then.

It didn’t matter what options were weighed, it wouldn't work, and that was it. Kenshi hates having such a defeated attitude about it, but he knows it’s right. Snow White told him as such during their last meeting when he popped the question. The words still ring in his ears to this day. 

“What is there to do? Everywhere we look to try, it’s nothing but trouble.”

He doesn’t mind the routine they’ve had in those biweekly events at night. The talking, both on the couch and on the pillows after they shower. The closeness of each other’s bodies as they spoon. The sweetness of sleeping together. Maybe the one off holiday occasion where they did something else and could afford to stay up, like watch an episode of Ark Rangers together. He loved it all, in fact they both did. Yet there was a yearning for a break in the monotony.

Hence why the two are discussing it during an advise session. The two racked their heads together and yet had nothing. They were sitting in silence, Kenshi leaned over playing with his thumbs, Snow White leaning back in typical composure. 

“Okay, what about the park? We can go at night.”

She shakes her head. “It’s closed. You instated curfew temporarily after that Irregular incident, remember?”

He breathes in. “What about a barbeque?”

Her eyes sparkled at the idea, nearly drooling at thought. She however shook her head. “No, that would only attract people. That’s better as a group anyways.”

He nearly wanted to hit himself in the head from all the aggravation. What in the world could they do that was intimate to each other but yet far away from everyone?! He thinks back to the time when he was alone with her in the North. They made camp for the night once, and it was quite lonely without the Counters there. Wait a second, camp…camp! His eyes glinted with vigor. 

“I got it!”, he snaps over to her, Snow White calmly turning to him with a raised eyebrow. “You’re going to love this!”

“What?”

He smirks. “You ever went camping for recreation before?”

He had to admit the Pilgrims, because of all their wandering, had a good eye. The hike so far had been very scenic, taking place in a forest just miles off the Outpost’s direction. The Commander would normally be so tired after having to force himself up extra early for this trek. Instead, so far he has found himself energized. Perhaps it was because for the first time the two of them were going on a date. Sure, it was unorthodox, no movies in a theater or anything, but it suited their relationship well. The backdrop of the peaceful nature, with no one around for miles.

The weight upon his back from his stuffed pack felt like nothing when he constantly saw the backside of Snow White. The way she was guiding him through the paths was ethereal in her beauty, like a friendly ghost. She carried her own distribution of weight beyond her rifle, but with her android body, it was the same as having nothing at all. The Pilgrim never rotated herself back around to face him, for she was too busy navigating the trail to find their spot. If she did she’d see the small smile constantly plastered on his face. It never left once during the whole journey, he was too endeared by the sight of his lover in her element. 

When he wasn’t staring at her mesmerizing visage, he put his sights elsewhere on the trail. It started at first being a sight of a dilapidated concrete jungle of buildings whose purpose was long lost. Then, it was grassy valleys with hills and dips of various greens and foliage dotting the landscape. As tall hills with enormous cliff sides came into view, they had found themselves currently in a lush forest, dotted with rivers varying in width. Some were as thin as a couple feet, others large enough to be a quarter of a sports field. All the while they were greeted with various sights of animals that either ignored them on their mission, such as wolves, or those frightened by their mere presence like the deer he saw run off. 

The most shocking of all the sights being a black bear earlier in the afternoon. He remembers Snow White stopping him dead in his tracks to observe it as it climbed down a tree. When it spotted them, there was a staredown like no other between itself and Snow White. It was like each of them gauged each other as threats. He knew that even a creature as menacing as a bear had no idea what it was dealing with when it came to Nikkes, but still he wondered if it would have poor instinct. Thankfully, it didn’t even think to try playing a game of chicken with them. It was probably because it gorged itself on whatever it found was worth the trip up that tree. Kenshi imagined it smelled metal on her too and knew she wouldn’t be a good snack. 

Did black bears actually maul and eat humans? He knows in stories of the old world they attacked mankind but he can’t recall stories of them being eaten. When the majestic creature pounced off, letting out low docile grunts and growls, she told him some facts about it. Apparently, they were lucky it was a black bear and not a brown bear or a grizzly. The black subspecies, as she put it, were way less aggressive. If there was a sighting of a cub, things might’ve been different if it felt they were threats to their baby.

He found it absolutely fascinating. She didn’t just seem to know the ins and outs of basic survival, but he learned something new about her. All this time on the surface made her something of an animal watcher, it seemed. He laughed internally at the thought of having a living, breathing nature documentarian by his side, yet he admired it. Perhaps this was a hobby of hers not unlike his own. 

Kenshi even commented on it in an attempt to be humorous. “Maybe we’d get aggressive if we had cubs of our own, huh?”

It was a benign comment, he felt. The comparison of humans to animals, and how both were willing to defend their young from any perceived threats. Yet that apparently shook her enough to the core to warrant her suddenly stopping in her tracks. She dared not face him lest she show him her complete and utter embarrassment. Unfortunately for her, her face was so red the blush was bleeding into her ears, which Kenshi saw. Then, she started again as if nothing happened.

Nikkes couldn’t reproduce, that much was true. It didn’t matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t make one pregnant. It was all so ironic in how Nikkes tried preserving the human experience down to those areas, yet functional wombs and ovum were purposefully left out of the equation. But the possibility still didn’t leave her mind. Not since she overheard Maxwell’s conversation with a Missilis employee over speakerphone, which she recalls verbatim.

“Maxwell, are you nuts?! We already have humans giving birth to newborns every day.”

“I know, but you know as well as I do that we’ve finally got that turning point we wanted for a hundred years. You don’t think some Nikkes will want families of their own when the dust settles?”

“We’d rather just try and give them human bodies again, if we’re going that far.”

“That’s an impossibility and you know it. Making new Nikkes is hard enough as it is. Tell me, what do you think the failure rate for trying to go back will be?”

“...Then what do you suggest?”

“Trust me, you’re better off developing a way for Nikkes to get pregnant and/or age and die.”

That was all she could bear to hear before storming off on that day. But…it wasn’t necessarily a bad idea. Perhaps when that happens, Snow White can finally see herself returning to the Ark she protected, even if she felt betrayed by it. She could get married to Kenshi without fear of persecution or capture, have kids to raise, and even die besides him—she shook her head vigorously. It was nice to dream, but such thoughts needed to be cast aside for now. Looking towards the future is good, but it means nothing if she can’t focus on the present.

So it went back to nothing but contemplative, attentive silence for a while. The rushing waters calmed their nerves, and the louder it got as they climbed higher and higher into the mountainous site signaled nearing the source. She could hear the panting of Kenshi get more audible as they continued. Even with nice gear on, you can’t avoid the fatigue that accumulates over the day nor the thinning of the air as elevation increases.

“Let’s take a break. I don’t want you passing out on me.”, her footsteps stop on a more flat area in the incline, taking a seat on a large root that jutted out from the dirt of a nearby tree.

“Sounds good.”, he nods, taking the spot next to her and sighing with relief as he catches his breath. 

More silence purveyed the air, but it wasn’t really tense. It was out of respect for one of the party being natural and needing time to breathe. Without ever realizing it, Snow White’s head placed itself on his shoulder, moving as if she were an automaton. To move to such intimacy on an instinctual basis made Kenshi quite happy as he pecked her forehead with his lips. The two basked in the setting sunlight, the sky turning a beautiful mixture of red and oranges.

He wouldn’t know it, but something had been gnawing at her the whole time. The fact that she took the lead hid it well. If there were any opportunity to speak up about it, she’d felt it was best now when they were so close to their goal. When everything was so peaceful and the two were alone, thinking of nothing. 

“Kenshi.”, she gently calls out to him.

“Yea?”

“I need to tell you something.”

“Go ahead.”

She takes a deep breath. “About our relationship…”

His smile drops as he mentally braces himself. “What about it?”

Silence. “I told the others about us.”

He felt sweat bead down his neck and a looming sense of utter dread hit him like a freight train with those words. “You what? ”, he gaped, nearly falling over the tree root in his stupor which made Snow White’s head jerk back off his shoulder in reaction. 

“I told the others about our relationship.”, she repeats nonchalantly. 

“The others as in…?”

“Scarlet and Rapunzel.”

He just blinked in awe at it. Here he thought he was going to have to be the one to break the news first to somebody else about them. At some point, Kenshi figured the best bet would be the other Pilgrims, her close friends. Their bonds were perhaps inseparable at this point, after a hundred years, to let it simply break up over a boy. They were nomadic warriors of great power, not teenage girls in high school. But he was still curious, burningly so.

“How did they react?”, he asks with impunity. 

“Surprisingly well. A little bit let down, but they were still happy.”, she recalls, suddenly stopping them to look around to check the surroundings. She deemed the coast was clear and let herself finish her thought. “Scarlet was the least surprised. Both of them weren’t, actually.”

“Why’s that?”, he knew the drunken samurai had a lax demeanor, and that despite appearances she was quite observant. He also knew Rapunzel had quite the caring, doting heart. So why then, was he still so surprised at it? Was it perhaps because Scarlet was the most forward of Pioneer in attempting intimacy and connection with him? Rapunzel was second if only because she had…lapses in judgement, to put it lightly. She occasionally had to hold herself back. Snow White was third even when their relationship had that awkward start. 

“They figured something was up when you asked them for my measurements and got me a dress. They had their hopes you were just being your nice self.”, she suddenly stopped her reminiscing and squinted at him unamusingly. “By the way, really? You couldn’t think of a better, more subtle way to ask?!”

He cartoonishly grinned with a sheepish look in reply and shrugged. She shook her head in response and kept going, Kenshi following suit and awkwardly whistling. “At least they were good sports about it. Were they happy for you?”

“Yea.”, she nods. “Rapunzel felt I earned and deserved it best.”

“Aww.”, he smiles. Snow White had a light blush on her face, a small smile forming on her features.

Alas, the warm fuzzy feeling of seeing her friends maturely affirm their relationship was fleeting as he was suddenly reminded of reality. His mind still dwelled on the fact that now at least two separate people knew about their little relationship. What if even more knew or found out, like the other Pilgrims? He doubts Dorothy would care unless it could be used in some way to manipulate him, nor would Noah and Harran. If there was one thing he was grateful for when it came to the strange group of Eden Nikkes, it was that they didn’t really show romantic interest in him. Or at the very least, it was nothing more than a puppy crush that could be easily ignored, even if some of them felt he was so interesting and commanded respect.

Then it hit him. He was forgetting someone. Oh sweet Mother of God, what about Isabel? He just realized this whole time he had this growing relationship with Snow White, and he completely forgot about her! To say she’s obsessed with him is not even describing half of it. To this day he finds clean clothes on his bed with notes from her as he exits the shower! She views any other female, be they Nikke or Human, merely breathing in his general direction as an obstacle to her goals of betrothing him. He still shudders over the twisted idea of “love” she had. Keeping him locked up, deliberately attacking Counters and even him just to be able to nurse him while playing this sick game of house. Even just thinking about it sends chills up his spine. 

If she found out about them, to say it would become explosive is the softest way of putting it. She might just terrorize the entire Outpost in retaliation, finally giving into her darker urges. He could see it unfold now, the look in her eyes as the chains that restrained her broke. The look of utter insanity as she realizes her world is falling apart. The terrible destruction she would cause. Hell, she’d probably try to kill Snow White first before any of that!

Thinking about the possibility of a fight, there’s no doubt about Snow’s strength…but Isabel can fly. That alone gives her a huge advantage even without calculating how much Eden’s augmentations come into play. She’d need backup of some kind, preferably from a fellow Pilgrim. Argh, what in the world is he thinking?! Tactical formations and strategies during a date…Isabel was gone and was going to be for a while. She told him so during an advise session, even demanding in her attempted cute way for him to behave. However, he was smarter than that and knew the more grim intentions behind that smile. He shoves the thought down to no avail, they just keep popping up, especially with Snow White’s sudden but probably habitual area check.

“You ready to go?”, Snow White gently touches his back, which makes him flinch. She raises a brow at him. “We need to arrive before night time, and we’re almost there.”

“Right, sorry.”, he smiles. “Lead the way.”

Sure, he got up and went back to following Snow White’s lead, but he was no longer comfortable with his surroundings nor himself. He’s now finding himself darting around behind him and to the skies in paranoia. His head flinches and shifts at the slightest crunch of a twig. Even on a long mission like Isabel was on, there was no telling when someone with her power would be finished and rushing over to find him. Despite reality being otherwise, he can’t help but feel her watchful gaze burn into him. It’s quite literally putting gaps in his gait.

Snow White, ever attentive, picks up these gaps in his pace and looks back at him. When she spots this odd behavior, at first she thinks of two possibilities. Option one, he’s more tired than she surmised and is struggling to catch up, meaning she’d have to carry him the rest of the way. Option two, he’s teasing her by imitating her to entertain himself. One glance at his face tells her it’s number one.

She whispers to him. “Kenshi, what’s wrong?”

He nearly yelps. “Oh…uh, y’know. Just watching your six.”

She sighs and gets closer to him, leveraging her presence as a known deterrent for his fears. “Don’t worry about Raptures or anything getting between us, you have me. Scarlet’s nearby as backup and is keeping an eye on things too. There won’t be any intrusions.”

“Wait, Scarlet’s nearby?”

She nods. “We normally don’t like intruding on each other’s lives, but I specifically requested this of her.”

He blinks. “Why?”

She turns away from him and rubs her arm. “I didn’t want to be too wrapped up in keeping us safe. This is our date…isn’t it?”

He smiles and then pulls her into a hug, patting her back. There’s no way to describe the feeling of sheer pride he has in how far she’s come. “You’re right.”

When they part, they return to venturing off. “Come on, only five more minutes until we reach the campsite.”, this time she takes him by the hand and pulls him along.

On the outside he may be smiling, but inside he feels himself ease at her reassurance only slightly. With Scarlet and Snow White specifically as a duo, he felt they wouldn’t just even the odds, but had the potential to overpower her. Then again, what good does a sword do against a manic hawk like her? Wait, he’s doing it again! He tries not to think about it anymore. The Commander will not ruin a nice date over fears of yanderes.  If it happens, it happens and he’ll deal with it then. 

He focused on the warmth holding his hand that was her own. He took a deep breath as he noted a mineral scent. Five more minutes. Just five more minutes and you can forget about all this. Relax and have a great time with Snow White. He thinks these things to himself.

Kenshi could whistle at the mere sight of the spot she had chosen. He almost wished he had one of those real digital cameras just so he could take a picture of it for keeps. Apparently, Rapunzel had been through here once on the way to the Outpost and found it a spot perfect for romanticism. Neither could deny her tastes, it was a superb spot full of wonder. 

It was a mountainous hot spring, evident from the rising hot steam billowing from its waters that shone in the full moon’s light. Next to it lie bedrock that was almost perfect in how flat it was; the best spot for setting down the camp as it was near the rim that bordered the spring’s waters. Despite the large spring, said bedrock was spacious enough that it could host a full party. The area was completely clear of foliage, the trees serving as a border that surrounded it on all sides but the front. On this front served a view of the entire path leading up to it, including a distant sight of the Outpost and its many lights, the giant walls and Command Tower being as beacons in the night sky. There was not a single point of light pollution coming from said place either, the light of the moon and stars baring for all to see.

“Rapunzel’s got a good eye, huh?”, he wondered aloud, setting down his pack on the ground to take it all in. He didn’t think Snow White would be one to choose a hot spring for a location, especially given what happened last time they were near one. And with what she accidentally saw. Of course, that was well before their relationship and things have changed since then. He hardly doubts if such a thing managed to happen again that it would be nearly as stiff. If anything, he’s surmising it might just rouse her and get her all excited. In his thoughts of her, he turned to see her also taking in the sights in her own way and was wondering what was running through her mind. She might still be thinking of its tactical viability as a camping spot, but he liked to pretend she had an eye for this now.

She hummed positively, setting down her own gear and immediately getting to work setting up the tent. Kenshi took in a few more seconds of the sight before snapping out of it and going to help her. The tent, the cot with the blankets inside, was up in a manner of minutes. Luckily, Kenshi got a text from her requesting a specific kind of tent, and now he understood why. There wasn’t exactly a spot with dirt for it to mount itself to the Earth. It’s not like either one would really keep an industrial level drill on hand. Aside from this unusual but nonetheless interesting tent were chairs and a portable gas stove he brought. On hand was also a coffee percolator and a grill top for the burgers he planned to cook. He had to make a mental note to thank Scarlet for farming all the materials. It wouldn’t exactly be thrilling to cook splendamin.

“Hungry?”, he asked, pulling out the ingredients, flicking a lit match into the gas stove which erupted into a small flame. He placed the grill down tenderly.

“I am.”, she stated with haste, leaning in towards him. “What are you making?”

He could laugh. “Burgers, the authentic kind thanks to your watchful boozer friend.”

Now was a time to flex another one of his secret hobbies he had yet to reveal to her. He took out the patties he worked tirelessly to shape and season yesterday and plopped the two on the grill. Taking out a metal spatula, he pressed them down onto the grill and took in the scents. He nearly snickered when he saw Snow White’s eyes twinkle and what looked to be like some drool dripping out of her mouth. If there was one thing that always broke through her stoic exterior, it was the promise of food.

He soon drizzled the onions over, letting them sizzle and caramelize over the burger. Once they were cooked enough, he put them on buns and covered them in cheese, shredded lettuce and a tomato slice. The first choice was obviously given to Snow White, seeing how intently she watched and drooled over it all. He handed her packets of ketchup and mustard and watched as she squeezed over the whole thing. Taking a big bite, she relished in the food he made before wolfing it down. By the time Kenshi was halfway through his, she had already finished and was washing it down with water from her canteen. The fact that he cooked this specifically for her made the food all the more tastier to her. It didn’t even register in her mind that somehow Kenshi was a grill master.

He snickered through his nose as she immediately went down on the bags of chips. Finishing his burger, Snow White raised a brow at him mid chewing of the potato chip she was eating. She swallowed. “What’s so funny?”

He swallowed his last bite of his burger and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “You.”

“How come?”

“It’s cute watching you wolf down food.”, he chuckles as Snow White blushes. He reaches for the bag in her hands. “Remember, we’re sharing this one so don’t…”, he peeks inside and notices that in the short amount of time, she took three quarters of the entire bag. “...eat it all.”, he finishes meekly. Man, she didn’t even save the larger, fuller chips for him! Note to self for the future: bring two big bags!

“Sorry.”, she replies out of her own self-realization.

He shakes his head as he grabs a handful of chips. “It’s fine. It was nice sharing a meal with you.”

She nods and hums in agreement as she hands the rest of the bag to him out of self control. If she held it any longer, she felt she’d just turn it upside down and dump it into her mouth. The girl in white turns her attention to the stars as Kenshi finds himself finishing his meal, and repeating her own actions by finishing with a drink of his water. He too joins her in watching the stars, if only for a bit, before the itch in his mind gets scratched.

He gets up from his chair, grabs a towel from his pack, turns off the stove, and starts moving near to the water. He dips his finger in to test the heat, and it’s absolutely perfect. Not too cool to be lukewarm, not too hot to be scalding on his skin. It’s not long before he finds himself taking off his clothes, starting with his top layers. She tunes in and looks towards the source to find him undressing. 

“What in the world are you doing?”, she asks, pink splashing her face. 

He turns to her with a grin on his face. “C’mon, you take me near a hot spring and think I’m not gonna jump in?”

She averts her gaze to the sky, resisting the urge to watch him completely undress himself before her. He’s taking a seat on the rocks, sighing loudly with relief as he dips his legs in before propping himself in completely. As he sits, the water level rests just below his chest, and he finds the rocks behind him serve as a great back and armrest.

She steals a glance and notices that behind him lay his underwear. Oh God, he’s naked in there. This is turning out to be just like the last time the two were at a hot spring on the surface together. Only this time she’s actually finding herself, in a twinge of lust, to catch sight of that again. She shoves down the urges and chooses to just keep her eyes glued to the stars. 

“You gonna come in?”, Kenshi turns his head towards her and calls out.

“No, I need to stand watch.”, she insists. 

He sighs. “It’s just us, y’know. If you did, it’d kinda make Scarlet’s job pointless, don’t you think?”

She couldn’t deny his words, debating it over in her head until she came to a decision. Why not join him? “Fine. I’m coming in, just don’t look at me.”

His head turned away and he waved her down with his back towards her. After the shuffling sounds of falling clothes, it wasn’t long before he heard the clanking of her Rapture part legs as she too came into the hot spring. Unlike him, where he reserved to dip in slowly, she took on the full brunt of the heat of the spring in a singular, smooth action, covering her breasts with her arms until she noticed they were fully submerged in the water. Then she relaxed and let her arm sway to her side, as she scooted closer to him subconsciously, the two of them now touching bare shoulders. 

It really wasn’t any different than their time together in the shower, but it still made her a bit nervous. Perhaps it was because of the knowledge that Scarlet was nearby that she suddenly has this burst of puritanism. Though she accepted their relationship and forfeited her feelings, would pangs of jealousy still be in her mind as she adored his naked body? No, she reminded herself, Scarlet was not one to lust or be envious. Once again, as if to comfort herself, she lay her head on his broad, strong shoulders, wrapping her arm around his.

She breathed deeply as she joined him in appreciating the warm water’s soothing effect on her nerves. The gentle embrace the two shared as the hiss of steam sounded off helped a lot too. With the night sky ablaze with the dance of distant stars in tandem with the moon, it really spoke to the romance of the situation. Yet, it never said a word. Best of all, there was a peace like no other, that not even the blanket of security his room could provide. 

They wouldn’t know it, but Scarlet was definitely nearby, perched up and lounging in a tree, drinking from a flask. She sneaked a grin as she glanced over the surrounding land above and below, turning her head away from the sight. Like Snow White surmised, she had a pang of jealousy over the sight, wishing for her to be in her place. Alas, it was fleeting, and instead she just found herself glad that one of them was able to find solace in their lives through another. 

A breath cut through the silence from the girl. He turns to her. 

“Something on your mind?”

“...Nothing. It’s stupid.”

“You can tell me.”, he promises. “I won’t judge.”

She sits there for a moment. “Can you…sing to me?”

He blinked. All the conversations he can recall about music were mostly listening. “Sing?”, he asked.

She nodded. “I remember hearing your voice during my birthday. I liked it a lot. And I…kind of want to hear it again.”

He smiles. “Okay…lemme think.”

Like he was going to turn down any request of hers to begin with. The Commander always kind of wondered whether that little moment succeeded in wooing her or not. If she’s willing to ask for it, he guessed it was. He racked his brain for song choice, he didn’t just want to sing anything. No generic pop songs she’d never heard, nothing from boy bands or girl groups, no heavy metal or hard rock, rap, etc. He wanted something that came from the heart.

The light bulb in his head fires when he remembers an ancient song he heard while browsing about the Outpost’s library of music. He doesn’t say anymore, clearing his throat before he began. 

“Look at the stars, look how they shine for you. 

And everything you do. 

Yea, they were all yellow.

I came along.

I wrote a song for you.

And all the things you do.

And it was called “Yellow”.”

The way he carried each note in tune and kept his level just above quiet whispers glazed her ears smoothly, like applying cream to a cake. She yearned to hear that golden voice again, and was so delighted inside to hear it. Snow White closed her eyes and let her heart indulge in every melody as she listened, intently as ever. And when he finished, it felt like an empty void took over her hearing as only the slight sound of rushing water from nearby rivers droned. 

She slowly opened her eyes, quietly taking his hand under the water. What was there to say, the same thing he heard on karaoke nights when he recalled shyly taking the mic? My, you’re such a good singer. Why did you become a Commander? You could’ve been a music star. Things of that nature, but no. She reserved to just say nothing, having already said what she needed.

“Hey.”,  she calls out softly. 

“Yea?”, he’s expecting her to ask him to sing again. 

“When’s your birthday again?”

“Uh, in about a week. Why?”

“Close your eyes and cover them. No peeking.”

He abides and waits patiently with eyes closed and covered with a wet hand that was starting to prune from being in the waters for so long. She steps out of the spring shivering from the sudden temperature change and grabs herself a towel, wiping her hands dry as she reached towards her cloak and pulled something out. She wrapped it in her towel and came back, gingerly re-entering the hot spring. 

“Okay, you can look now.”

He removes his hand from his eyes and opens them to rotate around and see her tending to a bunched towel on the rock bed.

“Happy birthday.”, she softly smiled, pointing to the towel. “I got you something.”

He blinks, turning towards it and then unraveling it. What’s revealed is a pocket watch large enough to be cusped in the palm of his hand, a shining brilliant gold that had a rounded rectangular shape. The etches in it gave the impression of being like a square tesseract, and its lid opened to the side. On the left, against the boxiness and hard cut angles was the contrast of the roundness of the clock face and its various dials on the right side. 

On the left lies a picture of Snow White held firmly within its glass enclosure, smiling so brightly as she held a plate with a baked sweet potato. It looked really delicious and filling too, with the fillings of marshmallow, cinnamon, and the sprinkling of pecans. A small piece of the dish stuck to the side of her lip. He wanted to laugh at the adorable sight, even imagining himself in the moment wiping away the food lovingly with his napkin. It was clearly her of the past, considering the arm holding the fork was the one he recognized currently as the one rebuilt with Rapture parts. Not to mention the much more bright, radiant happiness emanating from her face.

“Wow…this is amazing.”, he breathed, taking in every inch of it visually. He couldn’t take his eyes off it. “Where did you find this?”

“It was in one of the ruined cities. There was this giant mall and a lot of the merchandise surprisingly went unharmed.”, she remarks. “All it needed was some dusting and minor cleaning.”

“You thought of me when you got this?”, he asks, turning to her as she’s resting her chin on her arms, which were on the flatbed of rock. 

“Mhm.”, she says. “When I saw it…I thought of the locket you got me. How it reminded me you were always with me. So…”, she lingers, pink lightly tainting her fair skin cheeks. “I thought it was fair for me to do the same.”

He smiles. “Thanks. I love it. But if you don’t mind me asking, where’d you get this picture from?”

“Rapunzel.”, she states plainly. “She keeps a large collection of photos on hand.”

His eyes sadly glance at the photo of her younger self before him. “Is it because of her memories getting deleted to avoid exceeding the limit?”

She too joins him in a grim expression. “Yes. She made a copy of that at the Outpost when she was there last.”

He sighs, closing it and placing it in his clothes just off to his right. Remembering the time he was alone with the nun, joining her in her duty of praying for fallen sisters, he could never get over how sad it all was. Her first generation body only allowed for so many memories before forcing a Mind Switch, and preferring not to lose the memories of old, she would not know what happened exactly one year ago to the date. Kenshi wonders of the possibility that keeping these photos are in the case that she does have to delete the memories of old from her mind.

The Commander shakes his head to dispel such a depressing line of thinking. There was a better, more optimistic way of looking at this, and that was Rapunzel’s devotion to supporting their relationship. His smile returns as he changes his outlook to his usually sunny demeanor. “Thanks, Snowy. I love it.”, he plants a kiss on her forehead and watches as the melancholy washes from her face.

He yawns. “Tired?”, she asks.

“Yea, this hot spring is a little too good at its job.”

She leans in towards him, her chest pressing against him as she repositions herself on his lap. “Hey, before that…”

“Daring today, are we?”, he chuckles, leaning in to meet her demands and kiss her deeply. The rest was history, with only one witness. The samurai who took another swig of their flask, making a toast to the eternity of romance. She wouldn’t notice it because she was too busy enjoying the show, but just outside the periphery, bushes rustled. When she did pick it up, she excused it as nothing more than an animal, as nothing was there. 

The gentle songs of birds calling and the rays of sun that bled in through the tent stirred awake Snow White. Dawn’s break always served to be her alarm whenever she slept, if she did. She did tonight, as she felt she couldn’t just not sleep with her beloved Commander after everything that had happened last night. Besides, she could rely on Scarlet to keep watch; it wasn’t necessary for her to assist. Yet, with the reset from sleep came the urge to check the area. 

Arising from the sleeping pad and shuffling off the blanket Kenshi had provided her, she leaned forward and peered through the tent. She scanned the horizons, and all about the campsite. Clear, not even so much as a mouse or bug scurrying about. Her body no longer tensed up at the ready, she turned back to see him still soundly asleep. Ah, the sight of him sleeping! It was so precious. She donned a smile on her face as she kneeled next to him and ever so lightly stroked his hair, watching the slow rise and fall of his chest as his eyes remained shut. 

She overheard the sound of something flying high overhead and immediately she went back into her modus operandi.  Peering through the tent opening, she squinted past the blinding daylight and spotted trails above. She couldn’t quite make out what it was. It seemed like the usual flight craft from the Outpost, probably dropping off Nikkes for rounds of defense or missions or something. She ignored it, choosing instead to go back to putting away her side of the camp. Carefully, she took the blanket and cot into her hands and rolled them up, grabbing the two black straps that kept its rolled shape and placing them over it. 

Again, the noise sounded off. She went to check outside, something was flying away, and quickly enough to sparse whatever clouds were in the way. There was no way she could glance at what it was, it was too quick, but she did notice one thing. If an aircraft using engines was moving that fast, wouldn’t there be signs of a smoke trail? An unnerving familiarity pinged her mind. She suddenly felt unease rise within her core as her eyes quickly scanned the skies. This time, she managed to catch it, for it flew a bit lower, it was a streak of purple and yellow. Last she recalled, no Ark aircraft she saw ever had such colors, and it was much too small in size. There was only one other thing this could be.

Snow White looked back to the sleeping Commander Kenshi, debating whether or not to wake him. He looked so peaceful, to disturb him over what may be a nothing burger felt wrong to her. After all, what if it’s just a pet project of one of the Nikkes at the Outpost? It very well might just be a mechanical bird testing flight and not what she’s thinking at all. If it was…

Unfortunately, fate had other plans. This time it flew back out towards the horizon, much lower than before. It was halfway between the sky and the ground, close enough to affect the foliage. Snow instinctively got up and opened the tent, stepping out and darting her eyes about. Did a Rapture find them?! Is it her? Where is Scarlet when you need her?

She spots it, the unidentified flying object. It’s just over the horizon, still out in the distance. Then it makes a turn and…wait, is it coming this direction again? No, it can’t be, why would an aircraft do that? That’s when she realizes: this is no aircraft. It is her! And it’s heading right for her. She doesn’t hesitate to climb back into the tent fervently and grab Kenshi by the shoulders, forming a protective barrier around him with her body. Just then, a massive boom sounds off and chunks of Earth go flying everywhere, just barely hitting their tent as the Nikke lands. The ground practically vibrated from the impact that remained for a few more seconds. Large clouds of dust remain and the only thing visible are yellow blades of light forming wings.

And these blades are aimed right at her, staring her down even through the tent. Snow White cursed herself for being naive enough to not force the weapon in their tent, and for not picking up on who it was immediately. She’s really wishing right now she didn’t listen to Kenshi’s request for the sake of better intimacy. They were in danger—no, she was in danger. She instinctively steps back from Kenshi for his safety and notices how the blade curves away to face her. 

Just as this dust is about to settle, the hostile Nikke seizes the opportunity and fires it at her. It’s fast, she can tell even as the world around her slows to a crawl. But just in the nick of time, a white flash. Out in front of them shines a silver blade, and a samurai clad in white and purple. The firm one handed grip turns to two, as she swiftly and gracefully changes the blade to different orientations, blocking every single futuristic blade wing attack shot her way. A final diagonal strike from the sky deflects the last wing shot into the Earth, which makes it retreat back to the attacking Nikke as it creates a deep scar through the rock.

The purple clad leotard based outfit with mechanical wings projecting blades of gold outward. The mechanical armored leggings with high heels. The messy black hair and purple horns. Least of all the crazed look in red eyes. It was the Nikke Kenshi feared the most in the back of his mind, and the one Snow White and Scarlet were both hoping it wasn’t: Isabel.  

“Snow White!”, Scarlet called urgently. “Awaken the Commander. Grab him and run! I shall fend off this one.”

“So, Scarlet, will you too stand in my way?”, Isabel’s voice was dripping with darkness. “It cannot be helped then. You must also disappear!”

Scarlet charges her, now having drawn her second sword, and appears before her in a flash. Utilizing the bladed wings, Isabel makes a shield of them and defends from Scarlet’s strike. The clang of metal against plasma given physical form creates an interesting sound, a mix of a plastic gong and porch chime. It’s not long before Isabel begins a counter, rolling one side of her blades effortlessly like a windmill while the other makes random jabs at Scarlet. The strikes from the jabbing side only escalated into multiple as Scarlet wrestled the multitude of six blades against her two, finding herself needing to work three times as hard to keep up. If one blade was keeping the windmill at bay, the other was blocking those stabs on top of the small shifts in her posture to dodge the ones that couldn’t be blocked.

Snow White in the meantime wasted not a single second. She violently shook awake Kenshi, who flinched hard and whipped his head around in all directions. He was disoriented, half-awake and could barely form cohesive words. The girl of pure white gripped him by the shoulders and stared into his eyes. 

“Kenshi. We have to go. Now.”, she spoke with hardness in her tone. 

His adaptability didn’t go to waste as he found himself awakening rather quickly. “What…why? What’s going on?”, he tried looking over her shoulder to follow the noise, rubbing his eyes.

“Trouble. Come on, I got you.”, she suddenly picks him up bridal style and carefully shuffles out of the tent with him in tow, completely ignoring the fact that saving for his shirt, he was in his underwear. 

It’s here he sees what’s happening and nothing fills his veins more with dread when it comes to Nikkes. The one person he didn’t want to see was duking it out with Scarlet. He was amazed by Scarlet’s ability to keep calm and on her toes despite the massive disadvantage. Guess she wasn’t such a skilled swordsman for nothing. It probably helps that, being once a part of Eden, she probably knows all her tricks. One thought rose in his chest though. Running away was not the answer, as not only would Scarlet be left to fend an enraged Isabel alone, but he doubts she’d give up the chase even if he got into the Outpost safely. Forget all the questions everyone would be asking if they saw how Snow White was carrying him!

Which speaking of, guess who saw him being carried this way and only got more agitated? That’s right, Isabel. And who did she take this rage out on? Why, the drunken, sword wielder herself! Scarlet was able to keep control earlier, but with an even more angry Isabel forcing herself to strike harder and faster, now the samurai was getting overwhelmed. It didn’t help that on top of this, the attack pattern was getting more erratic and unpredictable due to the rage. If she had to work three times as hard before, now it feels twice so at six times. All she could do was block with her two swords and dodge the one-off strikes she couldn’t. There was no room for even a smidge of a counterattack like she could before. 

He could feel the tensing of Snow White’s muscles as she was beginning to take off. If he didn’t act fast, Snow White would be making a dash for it. There was no way for him to react but to start slapping her shoulders as hard as he could. He ignored any hand pain resulting from slamming his open palm onto an android, even if there was soft skin and fake muscle over the metal skeleton. “Stop! Put me down!”, he commanded hurriedly.

She sharply halted her wind up and whipped to stare him down in the eyes. “Are you nuts?! You can’t take that girl on!”

“Snow, I’m not gonna fight her!”, he hurls out with immediacy. “I got an idea. Let me do my thing, I got this! Besides, it’s me she’s after, not you and you know it!”

She blinks, considering it for a moment and having no idea what this “thing” is he’s referring to. Unfortunately for her, against all her better judgement which screamed at her to not listen to him and go, she trusted in him. “Fine, but if you screw up, I’m pulling you out and we’re doing this my way!”

“Deal!”, he nods, letting her gently set him down as he runs over to the battle before him, feet pattering against the bedrock. 

He recalls the one thing Isabel would always do, regardless of what was going on. During that time when he was held captive by her, shot in the leg and fumbling about in the dark while she tried to kill Counters. Just one action was all it took to stop her from whatever she was doing. 

“Isabel!”, he yelled out her name. 

Just like that, everything screeched to a halt. Isabel’s red eyes darted from Scarlet to Kenshi, turning from prickly rage to gentle admiration and happy surprise. The blades upon her wings stopped swinging. Scarlet too made herself stop and turned to him; she’s facing him with a face that is both surprised and concerned at the same time. Quickly refocusing on her opponent, Scarlet took the chance in this breather and took a leap back away from her. She was now near him and Snow White. The fighting might be over for now, but that doesn’t mean this loony bin won’t start up again, knowing her dangerous obsessions. 

Isabel’s face is so woe-be-gone as she coos. “Darling, come to me! Let’s get you away from these hussies and go home!”

Eyebrows were raised and scoffs were sounded off, especially from the Pilgrim in pure white. She had some gall calling her that! Kenshi tries to come out halfway to meet her, but Scarlet refuses with her sword, gently blocking his way. She’s shaking her head at him when he glances over, as if to silently deny what he might’ve tried to do. He’s disappointed, but accepts the graceful, protective gesture. Clearly, neither of them in Pioneer have been updated regarding the two of them, otherwise he felt maybe Scarlet would have a little more faith. He knows he’s got the situation under control, regardless of what these ex-coworkers may think. Maybe he’d have to explain to them at a later date.

While the sword was pointed at his feet, he waved down towards the ground in a motion to calm Isabel down. “That’s not going to happen.”, he responds, watching as she sneers lightly at his response. “You know I have a job to do here.”

“A job? You call this a job? Fine, then.”, she huffs and puffs. “Perhaps I will come back later.”

“No, Isabel. We’re settling this now.”, he’s in a tone that’s close to scolding in its firmness but keeping his primarily gentle nature. “Just what do you think you’re doing?”

She puts on an innocent face, like a kid caught with the cookie jar. “Commander, please. You know I’m just looking out for you. I love you!”, she bemoans him, stepping closer in 4 steps. Scarlet’s grip on her swords tighten and Snow White prepares herself for a fighting stance. “Come now, we’re engaged, aren’t we? You’re my husband-to-be. I can’t have you cheating on me, it isn’t right. I simply must correct this misguided behavior!”

If there were glass, he swore he could hear it shatter behind him right where Snow White was. “Hey.”, she says with restrained frustration. “What is she on about?”

He whips his head around to her and lowers his voice to a whisper. “Look, to make a long story short, she shot me in the leg, kidnapped me, and I had to play into her marriage delusion to get out. This woman literally chained and cuffed me to a bed!”

Her eyes widened and her face dropped like a sack, suddenly getting out in front of him protectively. A heat that was not of embarrassment welled within her at this idea of a forced marriage, much less to one as controlling as her. That obsessiveness about her was the one thing she hated back in her time at Eden, and honestly was one of the many factors she disagreed on and left the place. Kenshi deserved the freedom to choose, she felt. Isabel’s features only became more gruesome at Snow’s gesture, eyes becoming glassy and losing their softness and luster. Inwardly, Kenshi cursed. Snow White’s boiling rage, her burning desire for justice for her beloved, and guardian instincts was only fueling this dumpster fire of a situation. Lord only knows what kind of past problems would resurface on top of this.  

He tugged back at her arm. “Snow, get back! You’re making it worse!”, he hoarsely whispered, and thankfully whatever veil of logic left within her listened. She stepped back, but only slightly, her arm still within close enough reach to pull him back to her arms so Scarlet could defend them again. 

“My Lord, I do hope thou hast a plan. Isabel doth getting antsy.”, Scarlet murmured to him as a matter of urgency. Like he needed to be reminded just what she would possibly do.

He ignored their words and Snow White’s incoherent mumblings as he tried to refocus the Eden Nikke in front of them. “Isabel, please, look at me.”

She did so, but that chilling, killer look didn’t leave her face. ”I saw what you did with her.”, the venom was laced in her tongue. “Getting so intimate in that hot spring. You and her are rather close, aren’t you?”

Kenshi didn’t back down. “We are. What about it, Isabel?”

Isabel grits her teeth, and he continues to not listen to the other two’s whisperings and reactions, like the sound of a fist tightening on a sword’s hilt. He knows what he’s doing, he said so. O ye of little faith, do they not believe in him? “Then you know she’s being a homewrecker. You read that post card I wrote for you…didn’t you? You gave it to me. It’s the proof of our love. You have them in your desk, I know you do.”, the words sounded so desperate for a woman with her power.

He nods. “That’s true. I did read them, and I do have them.”

“What did it say, then?”, she asks—no, demands of him. “I want to hear it from you.”

He laments loudly with an exhale. She’s really putting him through the wringer making him recite such horrific words out loud. “You were always thinking of me.”, he repeats in an extremely short summation. “You were watching me at the Outpost and thought it was some sick joke I was playing when you saw me with other Nikkes.”

“What else?”, she beckons, expression softening, cheeks becoming redder as each word comes out of his mouth. 

He grimaced. “You wanted to kill them, you wanted me to know your suffering in seeing this.” That was the last detail he remembered reading before being so sickened he stopped.

The other two Nikkes could only become more and more anxious as he unraveled it all. Scarlet’s pupil shrank and her grip on the two tachis only tightened more. The whiteness of her knuckles screamed she was ready to throw down once again. Snow White was left in complete shock and awe. Here she thought something was wrong with her after those Mind Switches. She couldn’t believe she once thought she was a stalker for watching him sleep. Isabel was taking it to a level far beyond her! If she had the capability to, she’d feel nauseated. Here she thought she had her pegged from their short time together but only now was it that the two of them truly grasped the depth of it all.

She sighs so happily it’s putrid to the others. Truly, the face of insanity. “So you do read them after all!”, she’s now twirling her hair in her right hand. “Don’t you see my love for you?”

“I do.”, he gulps. 

“Then you must know. You are mine. You belong to me. We must be together!”, she professed as if it was a matter of fact. “These other Pilgrims can’t give you what I can! They don’t know you like I do. They are in the way of our love, of our family!”

The two other Pilgrim’s already not-so-great opinions of her only get worse as she rambles on. Scarlet’s not even the target of her affection, and yet she feels like she’s being held in a tight chokehold. It’s to the point of barely breathing. Imagine how much worse it is for Snow White. This woman isn’t just a threat in the sense of foreboding jealousy—she was an actual threat to his well being . Had she no respect for Kenshi’s compassion, she would’ve executed her on the spot, her relationship with Eden be damned.

“Isabel…”, he calls out to her gently. Isabel, however, doesn't listen. She’s leaning forward towards him, reaching out for him with her hands.

“I know you value these Nikkes, so just…come with me! Back to our home!”, she cries out, still rambling. “Just be happy forever with me. I’ll forgive you no matter what!”, her eyes were so filled with that sick “love” of hers they all swore she had hearts in her eyes, and nearly fluttered off her feet in a fit of passionate emotion. 

The samurai and nomad in white could only be stunned at what he was dealing with. There was no getting out of this, they just knew it. They knew her . Much more now than ever before. On her chase for Kenshi, it would be never ending, not until either one of them was dead and neither wanted Kenshi gone. So, they prepped themselves, ready to kill, her brain included so she could never be rebuilt. Yet, it all still hinged on Kenshi and what he would do. They instinctively watched him to carefully read his next move.

“Isabel!”, he yells out her name again, this time dropping his gentle tone. His fists clench for a moment.

“Yes, my dear Kenshi?”, Snow White flinched at hearing that name uttered by her disgusting, poison-traced tongue. Her fury only grew, the trembling just wanting to come out of that restraint. How dare she say that name. How dare she know that name! Kenshi told her in secret, and it was for them alone, a sign of their intimacy. How could such a woman know this, let alone speak it in front of her?! She begged Kenshi to resolve it, lest she do it for him.

“Listen to me, please. This love you mention…I can’t give it to you.” Isabel’s expression was no longer soft once more. That damned scary face of hers again. He takes a deep breath. “What you did to me…I know what you desire. You want a family to call your own, don’t you?”

“What does it matter to you?”, she spits out at him, hissing. “I can tell you don’t want to be a part of it. I'll need to convince you.”

“…You don’t need to.”, he lets her down gently. “I understand why you like me and why you’re jealous. But going about it this way, it’s not going to create the happy ending you want. Deep down you know I’m right.”

“Oh?”, she remarks at him with silent fumes, blade wings at the ready, lips thinned. Her anger was scarier than anything because of just how damn subdued it was. Scarlet got into a battle ready pose. Snow White was raring to make a mad dash for her rifle and blow her head clean off.

“I know how strong you are.”, he doesn’t hesitate. “You could’ve wiped out my squad with ease back when you took me to your home. But you didn’t, even when you cuffed me down! You let them go, didn’t you? You said it yourself just earlier, you know I value them and you want me to just run away with you.”

The winged Nikke’s shaking furiously, breathing in and out visibly through her nose. He goes on. “You also know what you did would only make me resent you. That’s not what you want. You want me to truly love you. You may want to kill those who stand in your way but you know you can’t.”

“Why can’t I?!”, Isabel reservedly snarls at him.

He’s staring her down without flinching. “Because you know if you kill my Nikkes, my Snow White …I’d never forgive you.” She freezes in response, trying to keep the dark expression on her face as if to deny the reality in his words. Snow White in response stiffens herself for a moment. “If I never forgive you, I’ll never want you. Defeats the entire purpose of your love crusade, doesn’t it?”

Her fist clenches, and she inhales, her face returning to gentleness as she tries to hold back tears. She can only nod silently in reply as he had her pinned exactly. Even if she wanted to make those distractions “disappear”, she couldn’t. That’s why she kidnapped him in the first place, trying to shut him in from the outside world and keep her to herself: because she knew the object of her obsession would hate her until his grave if she did. So she tried anything else but that, from intimidation, scare tactics, to even kidnapping. Even earlier when she aimed for Snow White, she wasn’t going to fatally wound her. Just give her enough surface scars to make her think twice about crossing her and getting in between the two of them. Enough to make her dodge and get back from him so she could swoop in and “save the day”.

He sighed in relief as the Eden yandere finally seemed to be backing off. “Isabel, I’m sorry, but my heart belongs to another. I can’t be yours.”, he finally lets her down gently. “I’m also sorry you had to find out this way.” She cries suddenly, tears streaming down her face. “I know you’ll find someone to fulfill your family dreams. But I don’t think it will be me.” He continues, sighing loudly and rubbing the back of his head.

“Why shouldn’t I say damn it all and try to take you back now?!”, she sobs. “You’re the one I want. There’s never going to be another you.”

“Look at the odds.”, he motions to the two ladies standing besides him who are all too eager to show her why that was a bad idea. “You might’ve kept Scarlet on the ropes but I doubt even someone like you can handle both her and Snow White at the same time. They were in the Goddess squad for a reason. You once were together too, weren’t you? You know first hand how tough they are.”

Noticing Scarlet was too busy keeping her attention on Isabel’s every move, Kenshi decided to jump the shark. He boldly steps over her sword, causing Scarlet to jump. By the time she wanted to shoot the sword up as a higher barrier, he was already halfway through. Doing so would just hurt him where the sun doesn’t shine or cleave his body in half. ”My Lord!”, she calls out to him. 

The three are utterly shocked at what he did. Snow White was damn near about to bound over Scarlet’s sword herself and dash to him. Isabel was even tempted to grab him then and there and take off with him towards the horizon. But yet, none of them did, as they waited with bated breath to see his next move. What would the brave, but very foolish, Commander Kenshi do now?

He’s…patting her gently on the head. And smiling at her. The very same woman who not too long ago threatened to kill everyone there and called his lover a “homewrecker”. He’s patting her head! “There’ll be another me, you’ll see. It just won’t be…well, me.”, he chuckles. His face turns serious for a moment. “Look, I chose Snow White of my own will, Isabel. Hurting them or me won’t change that. You have to accept it. If not for yourself, then for my sake. Please.”

Isabel’s completely trembling, the tears flowing harder and faster and her legs ready to give out on her. She crouches down, and the two make the move to burst at her full speed before she can even think of a snatch and grab. The two other Pilgrims are cut short when that doesn’t happen. Instead, she runs away from him and bursts off into the sky and flies off, away into the horizon, her tears trailing behind her like rain drops. They stood at the ready, never letting off sight of her until there was no sign of her coming back a half minute later. 

Scarlet sighed with relief, releasing the tense but firm grip on her swords. She then sheathed them each, which served as a gate opening for Snow White who stormed at the Commander. She grabbed his shirt and forced him to turn towards her. 

“Are you insane, Kenshi?! Touching Isabel like that?! What were you thinking?!”, she barked at him. “I could’ve lost you there!”

He’s just smiling goofily and open mouthed, unaware of the thousands of kilos worth of adrenaline rushing in his veins and giving him a high he doubts any drug could give him. It makes him start laughing like a nervous idiot. She could only get more irritated at the sight, nose twitching. Snow White nearly had the Nikke equivalent of a heart attack, and he’s laughing ! 

He could feel her grasp on his sleep shirt tighten. “Whoo! My heart nearly stopped! I told you I had it in the bag, didn’t I? I know my way around her.”, he exasperatedly explains, still high off the adrenaline rush that was slowly coming down. His laughter died down into a loopy grin, still treating it like his first rollercoaster ride. “There was no way you were gonna lose me.”

She releases her grip, shaking her head at him while locking with his eyes. “None of us knew that! It was still very, very stupid of you!”, she grumbles. 

“That’s why you love me, isn’t it?”, he grins as he tries to lighten the mood.

“As if. Tell me, she ran away for now but what happens if she comes back? What if she changes her mind or refuses to accept us, huh?! Do you even realize what the hell she was saying back then?!”

“I did. It’s not that different from what she always says. Besides, you got my back, don’t you?”, he clasps her hand which has still not let go of his shirt.

“ Not all the time! I’m gone for weeks at a time, remember?! That crazy woman can fly and you think I can just swoop in to save you?”, it doesn’t matter how many times he’s trying to put a damper on the bad conversation, Snow White grabs the topic like a dog with its favorite toy. She just won’t let up arguing and Kenshi’s brain is so haywired, he doesn’t know why or what to do. So he just keeps responding with little regard in the heat of the moment.

His smile is starting to die down into a face of neutrality. “Then I can handle it just as much as I did just now. I got my way with words, you saw it just now. Do you not believe in me?”

“I do! But I told you in good faith my fears of losing you, and here you go off being vain and damn near suicidal again.”, Snow White’s leaning into him now with the brunt of her shoulders, releasing the grip on his shirt.

“Snow, you know Isabel won’t kill me.”, he blinks at her. “I’m pretty sure she’d have a more severe Mind Switch than you if that happened.”

She took that Mind Switch comment personally, her face flushing red with anger. “No, but she’d keep you captive and I’d have to track you down like a wild animal! You think I’d like to dehumanize my man like that?”

“How is that my problem?!”, he finds himself getting annoyed now. “ You’d be the one treating me like an animal! That’s no better than Isabel’s treatment of me as some kind of trophy husband!”

“It’s your problem because you create it when you’re unable to turn down obviously dangerous or manipulative people like her.”, she’s lightly jabbing her finger into his chest. “For God’s sake, Kenshi, you don’t think I don’t know how Dorothy treated you as cannon fodder against Nihilister?! I hear things and I know her personally . Or did you forget that we were all a part of Eden once, too?!”

“Oh, so you think it’s fine to stalk me when you do it?!”, he retorts, rearing his chest back. “I know Dorothy too, and I don’t care, Snow. I’m not gonna stop being nice to people just because you think it puts me in danger.”

“Kenshi, you’re not listening to me—”

“No, you listen to me!”, he interrupts her, patience having finally run out. “You realize that me being nice like that when you were off-putting is part of the reason you fell for me, right?!”

It’s amazing that the whole time they were totally unaware of the samurai present away from the two. Scarlet watched in complete amusement as the two went at it in heated debate as if she wasn’t right there, front row and center! To think their little act of intimacy before they slept last night would be the 2nd most interesting thing to happen throughout this entire trip. She pulled out her flask and decided to take a sip of her alcohol within.

Kenshi continues on his rant. “It’s also the same reason everyone else falls in love with me! You don’t think I see the looks in some of their eyes and the way they treat me?! I know that full and well! I know how many of them in their minds are competing for my affection, completely unaware of what we have!”

Snow White’s hands are splayed outwards in dramatic fashion, her volume escalating into a yell. “Then why do you keep entertaining these women, Kenshi?! If you’re so adamant about us belonging together, then shut them down !”

“I do, but unfortunately for me some of them don’t take the hint and think I’m playing hard to get!”, he’s now leaning into her with his spine to reach her eye level, yelling back and jamming his finger into her chest. “Do you realize the catastrophe that would happen if I told everyone about us?! It’s not going to go as smoothly as with your friends and you saw it first hand right here!”

“How so?! Who decided this secrecy for us, huh?!”, she repeats, matching his tone in yelling.

“You did! As did the entirety of society!”, he reminds her. “You prefer us to be a secret, and given my circumstances, I do too! You ever stop to think about my side for once?! Just because you’re hunky dory with making us public knowledge to other people doesn’t mean I am !”, he emphasizes. 

She lets out an angered grunt loudly. “Y’know what then, you wanna keep playing the field?! Fine, then! Be that way!”, she storms off past Scarlet and starts thrashing the camping gear down and into the packs in an attempt to keep herself busy. “I’m sorry that I care, but I guess I care too much!”, she quiets herself to a mumble. 

Kenshi sighs tiredly as he simply watches her, in a jiffy, completely put the tent away and stuff everything as needed into packs. She throws their bags together, and picks up her rifle. With the speed and amount of thrashing, it’s a wonder she didn’t break anything. “Snow, what the hell are you doing?”, he calls out to her, still annoyed. 

“I’m leaving.”, she states coldly. “Scarlet, you take him home.”, she huffs out, slinging the rifle over her shoulder and trudging off with heavy gait into the forest in a random direction. Not so much as an inch was given to show the hurt festering inside her. Part of her wanted to get one last look at him before she left, but she refused out of not wanting to face the welling regret.  Scarlet just blinks as she watches her comrade fade in and disappear with the trees. He’s in the meantime walking towards all his stuff and running his fingers through his hair, breathing out loudly. 

As he begins to slowly pack up his stuff, his breathing begins to finally settle as he basks in the silence. Scarlet refuses to say a single word nor even approach him. Instead, she reserves herself to observing him attempt to calm himself down. Even with Snow White basically gone and long out of ear’s reach, it didn’t do much to ease the tense atmosphere.

Kenshi lets out a shaky sigh. “God dammit.”, he whines to himself, finishing up packing everything. He’s just about to head to his clothes when he hears the clacking of heels and a gentle, comforting touch on his shoulder. He turns around to see a concerned Scarlet.  

“My Lord, a word of advice, if I may?”, she asks him with a tender tone. He can smell the alcohol she drank from last night, but it seems thankfully this lightweight isn’t somehow anywhere close to inebriated yet. Gleaning one detail from this, it seems she’s up to speed on and respects the boundary with his first name, unlike a certain departed Eden Nikke. He’s forever grateful Snow White has friends like her, still willing to understand what lines not to cross while still being a good friend to him. 

He wouldn’t get it though, at the moment he thinks he’s about to get more scolding. “What?”, so he asks with irritation still lacing his tone. 

She exhales quietly, pleading with her eyes for him to be calmer. He lets out a breath and his shoulders droop. She smiles slightly and silently. “I understand thine intent when thou tried to calm her with thy words.”, she meets his eyes and leans in towards him with soft volume, as if trying not to upset him further. “But perhaps what thou said was not the best choice.”

“Gee, you think?”, he responds sarcastically, trying to move past her to get his clothes and join her in the long, arduous, and now awkward, journey back.

She grabs his shoulder and recenters him towards her. Her brows are lowered and furrowed and her normally catty, bemused smile was replaced with a serious mug. “Lord.”, she is not playing around anymore. Somehow through this she’s still gentle. “Thoust made it seem like what happened to you was but a joke. Snow White saw everything much more seriously. Thou shocked my own heart too when thou were hasty to jump over the barrier between Isabel and mine sword.”

He sighs. “How else was I supposed to react to Snow?! I don’t know how to calm her down when she suddenly doesn’t trust me anymore.”

She leaned back to face his gaze more directly while balancing her hat. “Me thinks she still trusts you. She just greatly worries for thou, like all lovers do. Thoust should’ve seen the rage that boiled within her as Isabel spoke.”

He gets depressed as his eyes get glued to the floor, sighing. “I know I worried you both but I had to do it. I had to touch Isabel. Without it, I don’t think things would’ve turned out nearly as well.”

She nods. “I see thine point. Touch is the cornerstone of all feelings.”, she uses this moment to grasp a shoulder of his with one hand and provide a gentle squeeze. “Just as I am doing with you.”

He manages to bring back his smile. “Thanks, but be careful, Scarlet. Don’t touch me too much. I don’t want Snow White’s trust in me to break further.”

Her expression softened again. “I know. I hath restraint.”, she released the grip on his surprisingly well built shoulders and relaxed them at her hips. “She once told me of thine relationship being strong on trust. Need I remind thou, however, tis also built on safety.”

He still refuses to meet her gaze. “Scarlet, I know. She told me about her nightmares about me and…”, he trails off his whisper, not wanting to admit any further in case he’s speaking out of turn. Much less that he reveals a secret to her Snow White didn’t already. That would strain the relationship at this moment further than all the touchy feely, even if it’s just an innocent gesture between friends and nothing more. He sniffles and wipes his nose with his arm. 

“And?”

“I know I’d promised her I wouldn’t leave her and all, but shit.”, he hisses in between his teeth. “I need room to be free and protect us my way. It feels like she’s been on edge ever since that night we talked about her dreams.”

Scarlet hums. “My Lord, tis quite uncharacteristic of her to be this way. She hath once told me she desires nothing but thine’s freedom and happiness. Are thou sure thou is talking about Snow White?”

“Yes, I’m sure.”, he says. “It’s small, but it’s weird. I notice she’s been getting a bit clingy in these tiny ways when we’ve met lately. I feel like those worries are starting to consume her. I thought I comforted her enough but she acts like I didn’t.”

She leans back and pats him on the arm gently. “My Lord, thoust need only to communicate with her about this. She might be unawares, just as thou are with thine own actions.”

He nods as he now begins putting his regular clothes on. Up goes his pants, and clasp goes his belt. He slides on his tops and lastly goes for his jacket. As he does, the pocket watch gift from earlier falls out of his jacket and clinks on the ground. Kenshi bends down and picks it up, the sight only making him sigh again. Scarlet too eyes it, smiling as she gleans the happy picture of her and how long he stares at it.

“Snow…I’m sorry…”, he mutters, fingers caressing every inch of it. He opens it and caresses the photo in the glass cover gently. His direction temporarily refocuses to where Snow White had vanished, her missing presence weighing on him heaviest of all.  This feeling is interrupted by the ever observant Scarlet, who notices this funk.

“Thou like her gift greatly, I see. Such a cute picture, isn’t it?”, she smiles, reassuringly pulling him into a friendly side hug that wasn’t too intimate. “Come now, we’ve no time to waste. We can talk more on the way.”

“It is…thanks, Scarlet. You’re a good friend.”, he says as he opens his jacket pocket and places the watch within. She hums in delight, a smile of content plastered on her face. He takes up his own backpack as Scarlet relaxedly hurls Snow White’s pack around her left shoulder with the one strap. She begins sauntering off towards the Outpost with him in tow, humming folk tunes to herself. Before he leaves however, he turns towards the direction of Snow White’s departure for a couple of seconds, staring longingly.

Chapter Text

Snow White was out on her usual solo patrol amidst the snowy north while avoiding the strange duo of Ludmilla and Alice. The two were persistent in their goals, but she didn’t want to be roped into it. Not that she found it reprehensible or anything; in fact, Snow White thought the idea of rescuing Nikkes was admirable. Even if it was a bit fruitless to her.

No, it wasn’t out of any hatred or spite, nothing of that sort. This feeling was purely a desire to be by herself. That was just how she operated: alone, and preferred it that way. Other Nikkes, Commanders, they all just got in her way, really. The few she didn’t mind working with among Pioneer were also doubtlessly solo, if not for the same reasons as her. So she just kept going by her lonesome.

Well, all except one commander, obviously. Others were distractions of some sort, but not him. He was different. She could never think so lowly of him, not after all they’ve been through together. Hell, she couldn’t think so lowly of anyone really, not even those in the Ark who betrayed her by not even leaving a sign of her contributions in the history books. She had her exceptions to this rule, and his was nothing but a positive one. 

So then why continue with this lone wolf act and go so far as to be distant? Simple, it was a shield she brunt so she wouldn’t deal with the repercussions of her failures. Her burning sense of justice would never forgive herself for letting down those she swore to protect. Especially that man she calls hers exclusively, Kenshi. It’s that justice that makes Snow White her own worst critic with a neverending tirade of self-loathing and lack of forgiveness of self. Thus, she kept to herself to avoid the crippling guilt. Even if it meant abandoning her lover.

Speaking of, she had to admit that he was on her mind way too much lately ever since those first steps were taken. She didn’t mind the brain infection at first, really. It helped alleviate the more pressing mental illnesses brought on by her Mind Switches. For a while too, she found herself fighting harder than ever! Especially now that she had a much more personal reason to stay alive and continue her ongoing crusade against the Raptures. It was like a shot of adrenaline, only without the addictions.

Lately however, she found herself distracted and has on a couple of occasions been caught off-guard by the one-off small Rapture ambush. It was nothing she couldn’t handle, but she definitely would’ve been the one to ambush back then. Being like this felt awful making those rookie mistakes in a time where it doesn’t make sense to. She should've corrected it easily. However, it’s hard to do this when your mind is constantly on the fritz between personal and physical battles. At times, she was almost reconsidering the whole relationship due to this whole feud. This tiring mixture of guilt, regret and fear of failure that came to a head since that bad date. Yet, there was one huge, multi-faceted problem with trying to cut it off; a major reason with multiple moving parts ticking darkly like some bad-luck pocket watch. 

First off, it was her fault for starting it. She was the one who took initiative with that kiss on that fateful night so long ago now when he pulled at her heartstrings with such openness. Second, she was also the one responsible for taking it further with those shower escapades, making it physical. These two points wouldn’t be so much of a problem if things were kept more casual. She could feel safe knowing it was her who began it and would be the one to end it since it was never serious. However, there was the fact the two had made love on multiple occasions, so it was anything but casual when it got as intimate as it did.

The third factor however is what really sealed the deal and made her feel uneasy, so heavily doubted in the idea: she stormed off after that failure of a date. Worse yet is the fact that it had been God knows how long since she last had any contact with him. She didn’t come into his room at night like she did biweekly, didn't arrive for her scheduled advise sessions, and even consciously avoided him if they were in the same area just to dodge the smallest prospect of eye contact. Nor did she respond to his text messages, even in times when she got reception. What in the world was so horrific that it drove her to do this? A singular attempt at a date gone sour?

It had started off so well. The interesting and informative journey up to the site, and the romantic intimacy in that hot spring at night. She still couldn’t shake the thought of the pure joy on his face at his gift she got for him. Not to mention the intimacy itself. Good Lord, after that session her legs couldn’t stop shaking for at least 5 minutes. Coupled with the gift, it made her feel like she was on top of the world, even if she never let it show outwardly. It was like a dream come true.

Then she was thrown a hard reminder that in life, all good things must come to an end. It went to hell in a handbasket when that psychotic wench Isabel showed up. It was absolute insanity how she rambled on like she knew him truly. Let alone managing to somehow be threatening both lives and relationships all in a single swoop. All that talk of marriage too, it nearly set her off. She was raring to jump into the fight with Scarlet at least twice. Then it reached its breaking point when all of a sudden Kenshi started getting involved, talking her down with this gift of diplomacy she noticed he always had.

She should’ve known better than to not trust him after so long. It was wrong of her to not do so when he always showed it for her. He said it himself, he knew what he was doing, but she just couldn’t let it go. Snow White remembers how he made her scream inside as she watched him so brazenly skip past the boundary Scarlet made and touch Isabel’s face. Everything Isabel said and did made her so angry back then.  It was only in the passing time of lonely silence she realized that pangs of envy spiked the anger like dousing a lit bonfire with a hint of gasoline. It was small, but it was damn near lethal.

In all honesty too, this jealousy she found in such introspection was completely out of left field for her. She’s felt a lot of things in her life. Happiness, sadness, anger, irritation, wonder, regret even. Never could she ever recall a singular moment where she was jealous. There was a time she only recognized it as a new form of anger, only to find out it was more nuanced than that.

But then it came back to that feeling: regret. It’s funny, really. She stomped off without so much as a goodbye with the intent that she didn’t want to regret her decision. Yet here she was, being completely boiled in that pot known as anguish. That exchange they had before she went off bit harder than any bullet wound or Rapture attack—Kenshi’s retort was true in that she was selfish to not think of it from his point of view. That one line in particular highlighted it: “ You ever stop to think about my side for once?!” That entire rant just kept replaying in her head. Over and over.

To boot, in all the things that composed her strange mind, there was her perception of time. It had only been warped further as days passed, being alive for so long. Especially now that she’s deliberately depriving her of what kept her grounded. She once surmised maybe she had been gone for years and he moved on or had grown old waiting for her. It was like she had been without him for an eternity. And being in solitude for that long leaves you alone with nothing but your thoughts, so she had all the time in the world to just keep realizing how poorly she handled it all. How did she lose control and true sight of what she wanted for him?

This led to her often sliding into a downward spiral, convinced that the Commander was better off with other women, human or otherwise. He had all these Nikkes that were capable of relaxing, being more humanized and in-tune with their emotions. They could go to the Ark without feelings of betrayal or alienation building up in their chests. Nor would a relationship with them be so jeopardizing with a walking, talking Nikke research grant. Kenshi can do so much better than her of all people.

The first example that came to her mind was Rapi. She hid it under so many layers of professionalism, but Snow White knew how she secretly doted him behind that cool head of hers. Call it womanly intuition with a mix of social training in her time with Kenshi. She was by his side practically every day, with no room for separation outside of certain operations. It’s no wonder she gained such affection for him.

Her mind even considered her group of friends and how they too were better suited. There was Rapunzel’s serene, motherly compassion. Scarlet’s watchful, careful support behind that devil-may-care facade. What’s more, those two hated Raptures as much as her but never let it consume themselves like she did. Red Hood, if she was still here, would be capable of radiating her energy and strength onto him with her total extroversion.  She’d certainly be more fun than her, unlike this wet noodle of a Nikke that struggles to speak even in casual conversation. 

Even the cause of this divide, Isabel, could fiercely protect him in a way that spared pain—despite her frightening stalking. She wouldn’t make the mistake Snow White did, let alone let it separate them. She could even be with him within minutes with her flight capabilities. With options like these, why would Kenshi want her?

This line of thinking could’ve gotten nasty if she didn’t have the self-awareness to stop herself from staring back at the abyss. The only thing that was keeping her sane right now was destroying Raptures as an outlet for her frustrations. No, there was another way she knew how to get her mind off this. She broke away from the internal darkness and just thought about the positives of Commander Kenshi again. 

Here she was reminded how she truly loved him so much. Snow White wanted to see him safe, happy, and wanted to give him the love she felt he deserved. Her heart treasured every moment, every memory, every touch and sensation with him. It could overpower her so much to the point of wanting to abandon it all. To just forget about the Raptures and be there for him until his dying breath, as if she were a doting housewife. She found herself wishing for him again, despite the daylight and its lack of stars.

Kept warm in her cloak, she reached up her more natural looking hand to touch and fondle the closed silver locket he gave her. Her thumb rubbed over it in a small circular motion in an attempt to quell her mind and soothe her soul. She knows this gift was meant to remind her of him, of her home with him, but God above if it didn’t also just heighten her loneliness right now. 

That picture of him with the biggest, truest grin she ever saw on him. It was as precious a memory to her as any. The note, too, held so much for her. With you always . And then that signature with his name. God, why did she have to know that name? Why couldn’t he have just given her a stupid nickname like every other Nikke in the outpost gives him? Why did she have to know his full name ?

If she had tears to cry anymore, they would be falling down her face right about now. But tears would not destroy Raptures, and she dried up the last of that well when she admitted her fears to Kenshi. And when she saw Red Hood leave. Tears cannot save the world. Tears cannot heal wounds. Tears will not keep one moving. So she trudged in the snow onwards, the thoughts echoing louder with each step despite the vain attempt to suppress them. Would you believe it that something was more capable of suppressing them than her willpower? Let it be nothing else than an external force like the Raptures, only this was much more alarming. 

“...Help…”

Everything else in the world goes deaf. A sound erupted that made her stop dead in her tracks. Her entire body froze and stiffened like stone at hearing loud, slurred moaning that sounded both human and an imitation of one. Suddenly nothing else matters but that sound. It was faint, weary but somehow loud, a hint of rasp behind it. Was it a ghost? Did Chatterbox return? Could she be hearing things? 

She listened intently, focusing on nothing else but her heartbeat and the sound, ignoring even the light, brisk wind.

“He…lp….h–elp…”

She heard it again, this time louder and clearer. It may have been buried under layers of suffering and snow, but she knew that tone all too well. The recognition of that voice only made her core heat up. The inner thumping pounded harder in a pale imitation of a human heartbeat. There’s no way. It couldn’t be. 

She rushed off towards the source with no hesitation, sprinting as hard as she could. Not a care was given to all the snow she was kicking up in the hardened footsteps. Snow White stopped just before where the sound came from, skidding to a halt. As she set to work digging at the snow with her hands, she hastily threw off the snow at her sides, not giving heed in the slightest to what happens in her surroundings, almost looking like a rescue dog. There was a goal and she had to reach it, equally like that dog. Everything felt like it was on the line.

She saw the face just at the top that was able to make the sound, soon seeing the body after easily moving aside the rest of the snow. The Pilgrim knew that face and uniform anywhere, but she grimaced at the sight of the exosuit brace holding on to his leg and arm. She remembers these things very vividly. They were once used for Nikkes in her time, when mass production of parts and cross compatibility wasn’t really a thing yet. Nowadays, more often than not, she’s seen it being revived and repurposed to help keep a certain stubborn man moving despite injuries that would otherwise leave him resting at home or a hospital, bound to a cast.

“Damn you.”, she whispered, the heart of the Tin Man still pounding even as her breath calmed. A slight quiver in her voice betrayed her composure, marked by relief and dread. “Why must you always do this to yourself?”, the back of her hand of fake flesh stroked his cheek lightly.

It was just like the first time they came face to face when he was hunting for her, back in his rookie days. An avalanche had separated him from his squad once again and he was held hostage by Chatterbox. As if the sting from the earlier deprecations wasn’t enough, she remembered just how standoffish she was to him in the beginning. Telling him to forget the Pilgrims as myths, demanding he keep up lest he become dead weight to her. He even had those same exoskeleton braces on back then. It made her wince to think of it.

Kenshi lay before her in the completely unearthed snow, his eyes nearly rolling into the back of his head. He seemed as if barely aware of what’s going on. How ironic that this keeps happening. Every time she’s deep into contemplation about him, she ends up running right into or towards him. Though in this case, this is a scenario she did not want to happen at all . She scanned over every inch of him to check his condition. 

Quite frankly, things were bad. Really bad. There were blood stains on his suit near his arms and legs, the exact same ones stuck under those mechanical exosuit braces. These injured limbs being his right leg and left arm—thankfully, this wasn't his dominant. On top of all this, the poor man was shaking hard and paler than ever. From his rhythmic chattering and breathing pattern, it seemed he was really cold, if not on the brink of hypothermia. He looked utterly sick too, with the way his body twitched so lightly, and wheezing on every inhale. There’s no way he didn’t catch some sort of virus.

From his perspective, he thought he was hallucinating. “Sno…wy…”, was all he could weakly muster out before finally giving in under assumed safety. Her breath hitched and her pupils contracted at the affectionate nickname she hadn’t heard in so long. Internally it felt like her heart was twisted every which way. She could only watch as he passed out completely, no longer fighting his bodily urges and letting himself fall under the spell of becoming unconscious. 

“Shit! Hey! Kenshi! Stay with me!”, she called to him, her eyes darting around him and shaking him hard. Her mask groaned and clicked as it shuttered on her face to cover it. She had to act, and fast. Her entire vision was covered with a heads up display, silently pulling up a map and marking coordinates of a bunker she marked as safe before.

“Hold on, Kenshi.”, she reassured, picking him up into a careful bridal carry, despite knowing full well he couldn’t hear her. “I’ll protect you just like I promised.”

If there was any time to make up for her past mistakes, now would be perfect.

She did her best to get the bedding clear of any little speck of dust that accumulated from lack of use. Thankfully this bunker was cleaner than most given how she used it before a couple of times. The smaller size and focus on adequate medical faculties helped despite its studio apartment like plan. The Nikke of white pulled down the bedding covers and finished with one last inspection. Not so much as a grunt came from her as she picked up the diseased looking commander from the couch and ever so carefully laid him down on the bed. 

With him propped up, now the first order of business was to do emergency first aid. She took off the braces and any clothing which obstructed the wounds. After close inspection, though his injuries were deep enough of gashes to draw a significant amount of blood, they weren’t terrible. It wouldn’t cause enough blood loss that transfusion would be needed. In fact, the ice cold of the snow seemed to do wonders on the wound. She knew it definitely prevented swelling, but she pondered if it was possible for the cold to slow the bleeding too. 

From her nest of supplies she laid out earlier in preparation on the nearby side table, she grabbed the disinfectant spray. The aerosol bottle hissed as the visible liquid spray wounds, then wrapping it in sterilized bandaging secured with medical tape. Normally she would expect loud cries of pain from this, even with the advertised pain relief on the bottle. But she remembered he’s lucky enough to currently be unconscious and not feel a thing. She didn’t know how long she had until he woke up, so she worked quickly but meticulously to ensure his comfort.

After this and being satisfied with her work, she placed some of his clothing back on, leaving the blood stained outerwear on the floor where she threw it onto. All he had now was his shirt and pants, no jacket. Not even his tie. She moved on to replacing the braces’ latches over the memorized areas, hearing them clasp and automatically readjust his arms to steady positions as they turned back on. She then tenderly, as if he could shatter like glass, slowly covered him under the bedding. Afterwards, she carefully stacked some of the thin emergency blankets on top of him. He had at least four layers on him now and was in a bunker with some minor heating climate control, so he was no longer in danger of hypothermia, she surmised. 

Having now temporarily concluded all immediate emergency care, she set about cleaning up the place. Starting with putting everything she used back where she found it while leaving the other medicine out for later. As much as she wanted to give it to him now, there was a major problem with that. She couldn’t give it to him lest she accidentally choke him dead in his unconscious state. Therefore, all that was left to do was watch him until he woke up, so she turned around and took a seat on the nearby three-seater couch that faced the bed. The very same one from which she picked up the commander from.

A slow exhale escaped her lips as she closed her eyes and her shoulders fell. She could now take a moment to pause and reflect without having to mechanically go from one treatment to the next, and really gaze upon him. Realizing now how battered he truly was, she glanced at that arm and felt something stir within her. The biggest thought that plagued her broken heart at the sight of him like this was wondering who in the world would do such a thing to him. He was such a kind soul willing to help others, even to Nikkes like her. This was the work of humans, right? There’s no way a Nikke could harm a human; the NIMPH didn’t allow them to.

She sighed, not knowing if it was of relief for his safety, or frustration at her various new negative thoughts clouding her mind. Besides pondering the classic question of who did it, of course. One was of her avoidance of Ludmilla and Alice. Kenshi always told her those two were really nice girls, against her reservations about their stated quirkiness. They definitely would’ve been able to keep better care of him than she could right now. Which segues into number two: it sucked that of all the means of confronting her brash actions that night and reuniting with him, it had to be like this. That argument tore her up inside like knives to paper. It made her contemplate to no end what would happen in the event he awakens. Would he become angry with her like back then? God, she hoped not.

Least important of all these thoughts were the implications in the aftermath of asking for help from Ludmilla and Alice. There was this element of pride about how it would affect her image. Neither would it exactly be becoming of her to stay at their place and watch over him while they tended to him. It would only raise questions for someone who disappears as soon as they’re seen to suddenly remain when the Commander is involved. 

It was like Kenshi said in their argument, they preferred to keep their little relationship hidden. That begot that she had to keep up her “mystical Pilgrim” appearance as much as possible. Even if she knew at some point that would have to come to an end and all would have to be revealed. She also wondered if such a desire to avoid the help of other women came from a place of dark envy. Just like…

The thoughts were shaken vigorously out of her head. There are many methods to keep herself occupied while waiting for him to get up. This was not one she was intent on relying on. Kenshi’s safety was a more pressing issue than whatever melodrama, real or imagined, bothered her. Snow White finds herself returning her gaze to blankly stare at the still knocked out commander.

She hated to be reminded of this just as much as she hated her mind going on a dramatic tangent, but it felt like the pre-confession days. Those nights when she would come to watch Kenshi sleep.  She would watch quietly from his window as he peacefully slept, and sometimes got bold enough to sit on his couch across his bed. It was hilarious in a way how even now the action is still as calming to her as it was back then. These days however, it feels even more true. She didn’t need to engage in the behavior ever since the two started sleeping together, so this was a rare opportunity to get an active taste of nostalgia.

Back then, she never had the bravery to do this, but given how the times have changed now, she actually went up to him and…gently stroked his hair and face. From top to bottom and in different methods. Lightly trailing the back of her hand, combing through with her fingers, all manners of loving touch. Doing it in such a fashion was still as rare as ever for the foodie survivalist. She even smiled so widely like never before. Deep down, Snow White missed this and him so much, and she was grateful to have this chance. She wanted to continue.

However, she stopped herself short. No, now was not a good time to enact any weird caretaker fantasies she has. Lest she be yet another footnote in the long history of the nurses falling in love with their patients. Or in her case, falling in love again. And that dark imagination from earlier sank its teeth into her brain once more. the image of that awakened, furious Kenshi. Her hand darted away from him and rejoined her side. For now, she reminded herself once again, the Commander’s wellbeing is the priority. Even once he regained consciousness, there would be work to do. Turning around, she went back to the couch to observe him, waiting silently for him to return.

And what an interesting wait it was from her perspective. To her, it felt like mere minutes for him to wake up. If the time of separation felt longer than it was, this in turn was the exact opposite. In reality, it took about 3 hours for him to regain consciousness. He awoke at first with a slight stir before then groaning loudly in agony as the feeling of pain returned to his body and began registering in his brain.

His weakness right now could not be overstated. Even with the sudden pain, his eyes opened slowly rather than immediately like a shot. Externally, he was a sickly, disheveled, pale mess that could barely shuffle his body left and right. The hurt made him want to hurl his body around and yet he couldn’t. Internally, he felt pain like he never felt before, mainly emanating from his injured arm and leg, but he also took on a killer headache. It was the kind that wasn’t a sharp, quick one, but a constant one that felt like every couple of seconds a hammer was bashed into his skull. His groans quickly elevated into agitated grunts. Whatever was going on, he was more sensitive than ever to the pain. His gritting teeth could barely contain his agonized yelps.

Noticing his intense suffering, Snow White sprang into action without hesitation. It didn’t help that, according to her mask’s sensors as it clasped back on, he was spiking a pretty bad fever. It was probably due to the shock of being suddenly under warm blankets after being buried under snow for so long. Or worse, the cold and sudden heat up triggered more symptoms of whatever virus he caught or activated from dormancy within his body.

She grabbed the remaining painkiller medicine she set aside specifically for this moment. Thank God for liquid painkillers existing, much less ones that somehow had yet to expire, because she would not be able to feed him pills in this state. Forget even trying to get those things in his mouth, she wasn’t sure if he was even strong enough right now to swallow those. Liquids, however, even a crying infant could without a hassle.

Snow White opened the bottle and took in the strong cherry scent of the more adult centric liquid painkiller as if to double check its expiration. Despite the strong fruit smell, it didn't have the distinct tang of age, so thankfully it was still good to use. Her mind raced considering alternatives. Did Kenshi even like cherry? 

She gleaned over her selection once more. There was a children’s grape flavor, but the dosage wouldn’t be enough for him and she’d have to double or triple dip it. Plus, reading the specific medicine within, her heart sank. The children’s painkiller happened to be the type that thin the blood, which is what she doesn’t want right now. The bleeding was stopped and needed to be kept that way. Cherry flavored one it is, then. She took the cap that doubled as a cup and poured the right dosage out according to the raised labels.

She turned to Kenshi to notice that something was definitely off about him. It wasn’t even his sudden complete intolerance of pain that made him resort to slight twitches and movements that tipped her off. He seemed abnormally hysterical from his wild, darting eyes that could never focus on a single thing. The words he was incoherently rambling like he was in another world. That meant one thing: Kenshi was having a bad trip. Before she could even think of putting that cup near his lips, she had to first tend to the commander’s delirious state. Otherwise, he’d probably try to attack her or run as if she was a giant monster.

She places the cup of medicine down. Her mask opens to reveal her face and softly, slowly, she approaches him. “Kenshi.”, she calls out to him with a nurturing tone.

“Wha–huh?”, he whips his head towards the sound, facing her and nearly hyperventilating. “Who…”

“Kenshi. It’s me, Snow White.” 

“Snow…?”

“Yes, it’s me. Calm down, you’re safe with me in a bunker.”, she stated plainly, gently pressing down on and massaging his shoulders to try and stop his squirming. His breaths were deep and groans were loud. She suspected foul play at hand, especially when he started talking.

“Snow?...Is it really you? Are you real?”, he was like a lost child in the way his whining tone was so unsure yet scared. A lost child that was slurring his words like a drunken man. It’s a wonder she was able to make out what he was saying to her. “Please tell me you’re real.”

“Kenshi, it’s really me, and I’m real. Look. Feel.”, she took a hold of his non-injured hand gently with her own flesh hand and held it up for him to see. His groaning and moaning subsided into grunts of happiness as he started crying. He wouldn’t stop saying her name, nicknames and various alterations of “It’s you.” She had managed to tether him down to sanity, and she wasn’t going to lose him as she let him keep holding and squeezing her hand.

“Thank God. It’s you…it’s really you”, his voice was so weak, only made more so by the tears streaming down his face. It made her steaming mad inside at whoever did this to him, and she knew she would never forgive them. She returned his gaze and looked deep into his eyes. Those pupils gave it away clear as day, even behind the tears, that her suspicions were true: he was severely drugged, possibly overdosed. Why else would they be so dilated even in the bunker’s harsh fluorescent lighting? Plus, that slight red tinge and dark blood vessels plagued his normally beautiful, clear eyes.

She figured it might explain his reaction to his pain too. Maybe his coked-out brain made him more sensitive to all kinds of stimuli. He’s normally able to stiff through it like a champ if memory serves correctly. He didn’t complain the last time he was in the exosuit, not so much as a whine. Snow White took mental notice of all this for later to ask when he’s back to normal, and to contact Rapi immediately.

“Yes, it’s me.”, she constantly reaffirmed him as she placed his hand back down at his side and let go. “Kenshi, you’re in pain and you’re spiking a bad fever. I need you to take some medicine for me, ok?”

“Okay, Snow.”, he panted out, quickly losing any and all energy he was having. His face was getting redder and he felt himself getting hotter. “I…trust…y…ou…”

“Shit!”, she hissed to herself. “Kenshi, stay with me!”, she frantically called out, mechanical heart beating hard like a kick drum. She had to act. His fever was starting to creep into too high territory and he was about to pass out again. This time however, he might not wake up.

She finally held up the painkiller cup to his mouth and kept watching him intently as he successfully gulped it all down. Confident in her ability to dole it out, she continued to pour out other liquid medicine, such as some cough syrup, and fed it to him. It didn’t take long before she was finished, no thanks in part due to Kenshi’s easy cooperation despite his ailments. She was about to put away the medicine back in its cabinet when she heard a whine.

“Snowy…don’t…leave me.”

She sighed, returning to sit back down on the side of the bed with a reassuring smile. “You know I won’t.”

He tugged with all his might on her cloak. It wasn’t much more than a light pull.  “Stay with me…please.”, he begged, pausing to take a breath. “I don’t…feel safe without you.”

It struck her right in her core. She had yearned to hear those words, anything that professed his love for her again. As for his request…did he even have to ask? Her answer needed no vocalization. She knew what to do, and it was what she wanted all along. She just needed to hear it from him. 

“Okay.”, she whispered back.

A blush tinged her face as she snuggled up next to him as best she could without accidentally squashing him with her weight. She soothed him by rubbing one hand in circles near his shoulder while the other played with his hair. Tenderly she stroked his hair and cheek, fingers brushing through thin and greasy hair, her palm grazing against his rough, unshaven stubble. It was clear to her he had been out there for far too long. He sighed with relief as his eyelids fluttered, and without much resistance, he was out like a light. She knew the medicine would kick in pretty hard and fast given his condition, but not this fast. 

The mask she had previously opened came back on temporarily just so she could check his vitals. She watched closely as his temperature went down and everything else seemed to progressively normalize as he slept. Once she was satisfied, the mask opened up and she remained at that spot for a while, eyes glancing up and down at his peaceful sleep. She got back up and set about to continue her task of placing the meds back in their original place and removing a single layer to prevent another fever. The last thing she needed was for his body’s shock to be exacerbated again when it’s already clinging on for dear life.

There was another task to be done too. One that admittedly, she wished she didn’t have to do just to not be separated again. She had to notify his squad immediately to get him back to Ark territory as soon as possible. It stung her heart, but it was the best thing for his safety. This place was hardly a well-equipped hospital, nor was she a doctor. 

She pulled out her smartphone and opened BlaBla, opening her chat with Rapi and sighing with relief that there was reception here.

Snow White (14:32): Hey. Have you noticed a missing Commander lately?

Rapi (14:32): Yes. He said he had to go see Andersen, but I haven’t seen him since. 

Rapi (14:33): It’s been three days since then. I thought he was having a surprise stay in the Ark. Or he’s in a covert operation.

Rapi (14:33): All of us got worried because he hasn’t said a thing to us since then. We started looking for him ourselves in the Ark today.

Rapi (14:34): Why do you ask?

Snow White (14:34): Because I found him out in the North. Buried under snow, covered in blood, and heavily drugged. Possibly forced and overdosed.

Rapi (14:34): !!

Rapi (14:35): Send me your coordinates immediately. I’ll gather Counters and move out ASAP.

Snow White (14:35): You got it.

Snow White has sent her current location. 

Rapi (14:36): Got it. We’ll be there soon. Please take care of him until then.

Snow White was just as shocked and confused as Rapi probably was. She remembers their conversations about Andersen. He worked underground in the Ark, down at the headquarters for the Central Government. If he was last seen and known to be there…how in the world did he get up in the North by himself, let alone the surface? Why was he out there to begin with? With those wounds and his drug-filled stupor, she knew it wasn’t of his own will.

She put her phone back into sleep mode, residing to think about it later. Kenshi would give her the answers soon. For now, she guessed she had at least some more time between the two of them. Weighing options in her mind, she decides to stop being in “public Snow White mode” and actually sleep with the Commander again. There was no need for this pretense anyways, and her worries were confirmed to be unfounded. High or not, he was not mad with her. That had to be a good sign, right? Especially with his demands. Plus, she was due for a nap anyhow. Why not do it with her beloved Kenshi? It would be better protection for him too, with her right there by his side. She could tend to his every need immediately.

So she curled inward, closer, and snuggled up to him, carefully laying her chin on his shoulder as she looked at him. His breathing was ragged still despite the cough medicine, but yet it was still so placid. He was still as adorable sleeping in this state as any other day. The sight was so calming it lulled herself into tiredness. Slowly, her eyelids grew heavy and she was asleep, finally at peace beside him.

She awoke rather abruptly, her body forcing her up as if trying to be its own alarm, greeted by the low hum and subtle warmth of the bunker’s air conditioning system. Her eyes groggily darted about, head swinging in every direction to find a clock. She finally found one to her left on the nightstand next to the bed and smacked her dried lips together in an attempt to get the strange post-nap taste out of her mouth. Calculating the time in her head, 5 whole hours had passed. It had been a long while since she had a power nap like this, and the Nikke of pure white remembered why she always avoided it.

Whenever she did, she felt like she had a hard time remembering why she existed. Or even having a hard time processing if she did after taking these types of naps. She was at least thankful that she wasn’t a complete mess from what she could tell. The last time this happened, her hair was all over the place, she was covered in sweat, and her rifle somehow ended up 10 feet away from her. She turned to her right to see the Commander again. From what she could tell, he was still sound asleep.

A light moan was let out through her nose as she ran her fingers through her hair, lightly combing everything back into place as best she could. She slowly got up into a full sit and reached her hands upwards towards the ceiling. The stretch made a rushing hot wave of “blood” fill her arms and shoulders as they steadily returned to her sides. At this point, she was no longer willing to go back to sleep. This was beyond the fact that she had already awakened, it was also because she had to do a check up on the status of the operation to get Kenshi back home safely.

She took the time to silently grab her phone from one of her cloak pockets. From clicking a side button, she saw a list of notifications which all came from the blabla app. With a swipe and rapid tap of her passcode, the app was opened and she was able to scroll through everything. Here she got a gist of how the situation evolved over her nap.

Rapi texted her about an hour ago stating she had finalized preparations and that she would be coming sooner than later. The emergency of the situation had allowed her squad the rare instance of traveling long distances by aircraft. Normally, such airborne support was not available due to the presence of flying Raptures. However, it seemed that Counters, in their fervor, demanded it and any other support from squads willing to help. The message also detailed that some members of other squads, primarily Unlimited and Absolute, would be joining for support. Unlimited, consisting of the duo of Alice and Ludmilla, would be the first to arrive.

She frowned, though she wasn’t entirely sure why. Was it because her allotted time with her precious Commander Kenshi was now severely limited from the initial ETA of a whole day? Did the prospect of support on ground, air, and aircraft piss her off? After all, now a safe haven would be revealed to the Raptures and no longer useful. They would gut such a treasure trove wide open and leave nothing behind. She then opens a new group chat she was added to that in her mind only compounds the issue.

Alice (18:31): Hello Snow White and Rabbity! Rapi told me to come with Ludmilla to where you are! :D

Alice (18:32): We’ll be there shortly! Ludmilla says 4 hours. Hang in there, Rabbity! 

Alice (18:32): / ( > x < ) \   < Poor Rabbity T-T

Alice (18:33): O_ (“) (“)

Snow White could only raise a brow at these texts. Was that a bunny she drew with symbols? She also seems way too happy about the situation. Does she not know how severe everything is? Ludmilla was in the chat, she saw the profile, yet she wasn’t texting. Alice was doing so on her behalf, it seemed. Why wouldn’t she just tell her herself? She recalls something Kenshi told her about that ice queen once. Didn’t Ludmilla somehow manage to break her phone every time she touched it? What a strange bunch the two were. He truly did surround himself with the oddest Nikkes. 

Checking the timestamps, this was an hour before she woke up. That left her only three more until she had to basically baton pass him to those two. She had hoped to see him while he was awake, but she felt satisfied enough just basking in his silent warmth. Lord, did the pangs of greediness hurt her inside though. It only served to reawaken those remnants of the argument. Was it so wrong to want to be selfish about him, especially now when the two hadn’t seen each other in so long?

Little did she know, God granted her yet another wish without curling the monkey’s paw this time. He stirred awake from his slumber, groaning and mumbling incoherent nonsense once again. She didn’t know if he was still under the effects of the drugs or if this was because he was waking up from such a deep sleep. He shifted about in his bed and found himself touching her right arm of cold, Rapture steel. 

“Snow…”, he blubbered, still succumbing to the grogginess of having just woken up. She turned to him with those piercing, beautiful yellow glowing eyes. They met his, taking in the soft browns once again. Pupils were no longer totally dilated and were in fact contracting normally. Thank the heavens above, he’s not under the influence anymore. “Hey…”, he drawled out softly. The way he spoke and looked, it was still mumbles and slurs but this time truly of absolute exhaustion. On closer inspection as he continued to wake up, those gnarly red vessels were gone from his sclera too. His eyes were still tinged with a pink hangover, however.

For once she let out and did not hide her tiny smile as she patted his head with her parts arm. She resisted the inner urge to pull him into a sudden, tight squeeze. “You’re up.”

“Yea…”, as good as he seemed, he still was struggling to get the words out. The way he sank into the bed too in that posture, he was barely able to keep any kind of semblance of uprightness. From this she surmised he was much too weak to get out of bed himself. Heck, he seemed to be straining himself just to lean over and hold her hand, still wincing from the pain. “Thanks…as always.”

She blushed, shaking her head and glancing aside. “It’s nothing. I promised you I’d protect you. I won’t be failing that soon.”

Kenshi gave her the best smile he could under the circumstances. “I’m glad it really was you I saw back then.”, his speech was less slurry and more concentrated, but still a bit slow. His tone was barely above a whisper too. “I didn’t think…anyone would come. Thought I’d be-”

“Not another word. You’re alive because of me.”, she stopped from even entertaining that possibility she always feared, returning to staring back at him. He just did a small nod and continued that smile he could barely form. She leaned closer in response to him weakly beckoning her. For this she was rewarded with a nice smooch on the cheek, and her face twinged with red once more. 

Nothing was said until the commander caught his breath. “Snow…where were you?”, he whispered to her. “I haven’t seen you…for months. I thought I screwed up…everything yelling at you over Isabel back…during our date. I’m so sorry…I hurt you. I didn’t mean to.”

She watched as he went to hold her hand, and all she did in response to his words was shake her head. Her heart panged and pulled at itself when he pleaded to know where she went. “No, it’s fine. It was my fault, really.”, she admitted after a pause of silence. “I should’ve trusted you more, and I lost my cool in the heat of it. I left you over something so stupid. I should’ve at least texted you.”

“It wasn’t stupid, Snow.”, he gently reassures her. “If anything was stupid…it was me. I didn’t think about your feelings…when I acted. And…I said the wrong things. Scarlet was right…I made everything…a joke.”

He struggled to lift his hand up towards her cheek. She noticed, taking it tenderly in his hand and bringing it there for him. She nuzzled into it, eyes slammed shut tightly as she grimaced to not cry. Her teeth clenched and lightly bit her inner cheek. His breathing struggled, and yet he managed to air out a near-silent chuckle.

“I missed you so much…”, she struggles to let out stably in a low voice. “Every day was so much harder without you.”

“I missed you too.”, he says with a little wheeze in his breath. “I never stopped…thinking of you…”

As though he’d spoken the magic words to unlock her heart, the emotional floodgates opened wide. The words spill out of her mouth as she loses all pretense to keep her guard up. “I did too. And about back then. All that time I kept thinking back to how I treated you after that date. I didn’t think I deserved you. I thought you could do better than me. I…”

He shushes her lightly. Her eyes lift up from the ground to him. “Snow White…to me, you’re perfect. I couldn’t love…anyone more. So please…don’t say stuff like that.”, he finds himself needing to pace his words after saying so much and trying to speed up his talking pace.

“But I kept you waiting…”, she trails off, half-heartedly protesting, as if needing more to kill this monkey on her back.

“I always will…if it’s for you.”, his smile was faint. “No matter what.”

She leaned down towards him, shoulders shaking, a single tear falling down and nothing more. Being well within range, he planted a long kiss on her forehead before moving to her cheek and  doing another. He could feel her calm down and become her composed self again, the one that always shone so brilliantly for him. He thumbed her cheek as his other hand stroked her hair gently.

He was about to give her another kiss on the cheek and move on to her lips before he erupts into a couple of sudden, deep coughs. All of this exploding right on the side of her face. “Damn…I’m sick, aren’t I? I’m sorry Snow…didn’t mean to…dirty your cheek.”

“I’m a Nikke. I can’t get sick, much less from you.”, she pointed out, soothing his concern while wiping off any spit that got on her.

“I know.”, Kenshi replied. “I just…want to treat you right.”

“You already do.”

The two silently stared as Kenshi blinked a couple times. They then leaned in to finish their interrupted kiss, this time being on the mouth. It didn’t last that much longer than the other times they do, since one of the parties involved was afflicted and had trouble breathing. After it, he covered his mouth with his well arm and hacked into it with a fit.

“I’m glad…”, he coughed a couple more times. “..to hear that.”

She nodded, her face stonewalled as ever now. Behind that serious face lies eyes laced with anguish at his sorry state. It reinforced just how much anger she directed at those who did this to him, and how much her heart ached to see this. It didn’t help that with each cough she noticed the bandages’ stains getting gradually darker red, right where the wounds were. Would this have happened had she found him sooner, she wondered. 

On his side of the predicament, he too hated his state. It was bad enough barely being able to hold her like he wanted to, but he disliked most of all how hurt she was. It wasn’t even out of his usual pride that made him so headstrong; he just didn’t like seeing her upset. She could hide her feelings behind that blank face, but he knew the signs at this point in their relationship. All of this reminded him of his desire for her. He wanted to see her smile more, like she always did when they were alone. Regardless, for now he found himself content with just seeing her again in the flesh at all . He could ignore all the pain just for this reunion.

“So…”, he rasped with a loud sniffle. “...is anyone coming for me?”

She went on to quickly explain the situation, and it made sense to him why she was less willing to be as open as she usually is. With such a short time frame, who knows how long it’ll be before those two arrive? What if they barge in at the wrong time? He certainly didn’t want Ludmilla and Alice making assumptions if they caught the two in a compromising position. Like once when he was buried in the snow for the third time and Rapi was nearly on top of him trying to keep him safe. He still has that image of the innocent Alice with an open mouth grin, deep red blush, and eyes covered by her hands. She still peeked through opened fingers though. 

“Ah. Ok. Good…good.”, he nodded. “It’s…been a while since I saw…those two. I think Alice will be…really excited to see me.”

“No kidding, you should see her texts.”, she tells him, showing him on her phone since his was nowhere in sight when she last checked. “But I don’t think she’ll be happy when she does. You look like hell.”

“I’m sure she’d notice…but she’s like you. The mere sight of me…makes her day.”, he chuckled, sneaking in some light coughs and loud sniffles afterwards. “It’s cute.”

She was shocked. Did the relationship create a telepathic link between them? “How did you…”

“Come on…after how long…we’ve been together?...I’ve started picking up…on things like that.”

The blush returns for a third time. She clears her throat. “So, do you like Alice?”

He deadpans at her. “Not like that.”

A blink. “I didn’t mean it that way.”

He sighs which makes him erupt into coughs. He could roll his eyes both at the comment and the poorly timed fits of sick hacking and heaving. “That’s what they all say…until I see their death glares. Can’t tell you…how many times I dodged bullets…trying to please everyone.”, he could cringe at the mere thought of all the melodrama involving every single relationship he’s had with other Nikkes, regardless of how close they were. 

“No kidding.”, she states. “Like that Isabel woman.”  She’s thinking back to the argument, and knowing how she said this without realizing it, she winces a little. She hopes that the wound isn’t still fresh and that it doesn’t bring up another quarrel. She opens her eyes to look at him and find that he’s neither unamused nor annoyed. If anything, he seems to be agreeing with her.

“Tell me about it.”, he sinks back into the bed. “I’ve been thinking…about what you said. You’re right. I need to be more…direct.”

She blinks with widened eyes. “Really?”

“Yea.”, he nods as much as he can. “I can be nice without…playing along…flirting. I thought…that’s what you meant.”

It was. She continues intently listening to his curt revealed introspection. “But…I don’t have to be…mean when I’m direct. Like with…Isabel. I can still…keep us a secret. So…I’m really sorry. You were right. Thanks.”

She’s visibly taken aback by this, but puts a small smile on her face that is hidden behind her cloak’s collar. “It’s okay. And you’re welcome.”

He grins as best he can, not needing to say anything more. Besides, he needs to reserve his strength. The two happily stare at each other for a while before a nagging question erupts from Snow White. She didn’t need an answer for her question regarding Alice. Knowing him, it was probably something along the lines of: Well, she’s cute and all, but I don’t see her more than x. No, instead, it was regarding her old winged adversary.

“Speaking of Isabel…what happened to her since then?”

He tries to take a deep breath but is interrupted by a cough. With a miserable look on her face, he clears his throat. “Well…she came back around to bargain…we made a compromise.”

She raises a brow. “What do you mean by that?”

“I’m not…cheating on you.”, he sighs. “The compromise was…I let her…y’know…follow us around.”

Snow White cringes. “Ew.”, she blurts out. 

“I’m not thrilled…either.”, he finds himself doing the same expression as Snow White. “But look at the bright side. She took it well…and won’t wreck what…we have. She’s being like Scarlet…that one night…only 24/7.”, his tone tells that he knows even he is not convinced by his words. It’s just like Yan said once, thank God he’s not in business. He’d make a terrible salesman. 

Regardless, something else was burning on her mind though. And she wanted to change the topic as quickly as possible. “Can you tell me one last thing, if I may ask?”

“...What?”

“How the hell did you end up where I found you? And what’s with those supports?”

He sighed as deep as he could with his condition. If he could’ve done his head scratching tic, he would have. “It’s a bit of a…long story. With how I am now…it could be dragged out…”

She checked the clock. Still about 2 and a half hours left until they arrived. “We got time. And I don’t mind. I like listening to you.”

He chuckled through his nose. “Right…where do I begin?”

Andersen’s gaze could not be kept off the exoskeletons on the commander before him. He exhaled loudly through his nose whilst pinching the bridge, glazing over his right leg and left arm. He had to admit, Kenshi did have an excellent tenacity about him to still want to continue working when others would happily take the temporary medical leave. It was admirable how stubborn he was in wanting to continue, making him wish half of his subordinates were like him. His lack of survival instinct, however, left more to be desired.

“You must be fun at the health office," he commented, only slightly amused. “What kind of face do the doctors make when you request gear initially meant for old Nikkes?”

“Most are surprised.”, he answered earnestly, as if proud. “Some look at me like I’m nuts.”

“I imagine so. How did you hurt yourself this time?”

“To make a long story short?”, he rubs the back of his head with his good arm. “I took a hit for Rapi.”

“Again?”, the Commander only nods with a straight face. Amazing how totally unfazed and unashamed Kenshi is by his actions, he’s not embarrassed in the slightest. “You and your savior complex, huh? Rapi and I both told you last time the brevity of such actions. It’s needlessly reckless and they can handle themselves.”

“I just don’t like seeing my squad get hurt because of my inefficiencies, sir.”, he puts it matter-of-factly, still unwavering in his stance despite whatever pain he’s suffering that can’t be suppressed by medication.

He grunted and cleared his throat. “I get that. I read the report and frankly, you’re lucky to be standing here right now and not in the hospital.”

“Yea, I know. Pepper scolded me a ton already.”, he rolls his eyes, blowing air out of his mouth. “I could’ve ended up in a coma, who knows if and when I would wake up, blah blah blah. But I still completed the mission, didn’t I?”

His brows flatline and his eyelids drop, Andersen’s nose twitching once. “Barely.”, he jabs with his words. “You haven’t made a serious mistake like this since when you first started. Might I add that the secondary reports Rapi filled out noted you looked distracted. It’s a wonder the Counters didn’t need much repairs after saving you, let alone from combat. Tell me this, what was more important than focusing on the task at hand?”

He gulped, but still stood tall despite being caught red handed. The deputy chief before him wasn’t scolding him for no reason. The two became close comrades in a way and was yet another person he debted his life to. Kenshi internally bit his tongue, not knowing whether to direct his frustration at himself for letting his mind wander, or at Rapi for basically snitching on him to the Central Government. It definitely wasn’t out of malice for her to do so, but sometimes on days like this he understood why the other Nikkes said nasty stuff about her behind her back. Who likes a tattletale anyhow?! 

“I apologize, Sir. I should’ve handed the mission over to someone more capable when I knew my mind wasn’t ready.”, he humbles himself before the man while also silently refusing to answer the question.

He waves it off, eyes rolling and dart off to the side for a moment. “Please, Tendoumichi. It’s fine. We all do things like this from time to time.” A moment of relief, he wasn’t going to recognize that he entirely dodged the question. “But you still didn’t answer me. Why were you so distracted?”, and nevermind!

Shit. He hid it well but the question left him completely frozen in place, as if encased in ice. Once again, he feels cornered and it’s all because of his relationship with Snow White. The fact he’s managed to keep it hidden so well after such a long time is truly a testament to his tenacity and wit. However now, like many recent moments, is when he knows the bubble is close to bursting. Times like these with his knack and high stress from Nikkes made him wonder if maybe he should just work in propaganda or some form of intelligence agency instead.

No, no, now was not the time for secret agent fantasies. He had to think of some way to either dodge the question more or make a convincing fib. After all, the inquiring minds around here have a tendency to wish to know more. The last thing he needed was to find Burningum’s lap dog Papillon knocking on his doorstep, ready to use this information against him and climb up that damn ladder.

Kenshi finds himself averting his gaze from Andersen. “Oh…uh…y’know…”, he falters.

It only gets worse when his eyes narrow. “No, I don’t. That’s why I asked.”

The commander finds himself screaming on the inside, praying he would just let it go. He was such a bad liar, he didn’t have it in him to try. And seriously, what was he supposed to tell him?! Oh, yes, Andersen, sir, let me give you the full story! I was thinking about my Nikke girlfriend with whom I am very intimate with, both physically and emotionally. Oh but she’s not just any Nikke, she’s a Pilgrim! I hadn’t seen her for a while after a date went sour and I’m really worried about her! I took on a mission thinking it would help take my mind off it but oh no, it didn’t! Of course he wouldn’t say a damn word about it, that’s stupid to think he would.

How could he word this without lying? Maybe play mind games? He could try making up a bunch of words that’s a sentence but ultimately means nothing. Like a typical college paper! Anything is better than being silent, right? Either he had to say something or he’d get on his superior’s nerves. Time was of the essence! 

An idea comes along! The perfect thing to say to get someone off your back without revealing a thing. “It’s uh…kinda personal, alright? I don’t really wanna talk about it.”

Talk about anticlimactic. Andersen’s eyes closed as he grunted and took a deep breath. “Fine. I won’t pry. Next time, however,” his eyes open and glare at him, “just say that in the first place. My schedule is tight.”

Kenshi could’ve fallen to his knees in relief if he had no restraint. “Thanks. I’ll keep that in mind.”

A sigh with no sound made Andersen pinch the bridge of his nose again and rub his eyes. “Right.”, he pauses. “Well, as much as I hate to admit it, you did get the job done and that Rapture nest was cleared. The area should be safer for future operations now.”

“Thank you, sir.”

“However!”, he held a finger up. “Next time, keep your head in the game. You could’ve had a textbook perfect plan.”

He nervously laughed. “You know me, sir. Unorthodox is my middle name.”

“Sure.”, he plays along with Kenshi’s light hearted joke. “If that’s all, this debriefing is over and you’re dismissed.”

Kenshi turned around and was about to slowly tread off back home at the Outpost. However, a loud whistle from Andersen stopped him. He rotated back around to see Andersen make a gesture for him to wait. “Uh…what’s wrong?”, the Commander asked with slight curiosity.

“It’s nothing about you.”, he let him know. “Just a nasty crowd formed outside and it’s blocking off the front entrance. We don’t know why. You’re going to have to leave through the side exit in the alleyway. Staff will wave you down outside the elevator on the first floor.”

Kenshi nods slowly. “Right.”

He heads out of the office and goes on his way to find said side exit. Taking a path through the building, passing by more rooms with closed doors and even cubicles, he was walking by the window. He peeked outside to see the crowd and Andersen wasn’t kidding. Kenshi grunted by surprise at the size of it, and judging by the white signs on sticks of wood, it was a protest. “Nasty” wouldn’t even begin to describe what happens in those types of crowds when they form in the Ark. It seemed to be getting really antsy and potentially bad news from what he gleaned. 

“What the hell…”, he muses to himself in a muttering tone. “What did they do to piss off the citizens this time?”

Kenshi never cared much for the politics of the Ark. Everywhere you look it was just a depressing reminder of how much the world currently sucked, and how the last remnants of humanity acted. Even in the face of near extinction, they still bickered amongst themselves. From the implications of needing a chip for citizenship at birth, to the Outer Rim, or even all the Nikkephobia that was too ironic for words. Humanity’s own protectors, treated like road trash, while the Commanders who are indoctrinated from the outset get all the glory. Worst of all, humanity was never truly free like it once was. For all its positives, knowing that this was also his home, he couldn’t just deny reality. 

He still had hope though. Many of his dreams were radical in nature, but he still thought even when the worst of humanity is bared, that people had the capacity for good. One day, such anti-Nikke resentment will be seen as foolish. They will realize the horrors of chips and other transhumanist modifications and return to naturality. All of these things were a product of optimism deeply rooted in his soul. Plus, if anything, he can direct those negative feelings towards the source of this lack: the Raptures.

It wasn’t long before he realized he was standing still and staring out the window at the crowd. He refocused on coming home to the Outpost, directing himself towards the elevator. After a brief ride, he comes out. An employee spots him and beckons to him with directions on where to go. He memorizes them and executes them flawlessly, exiting out through a disabled ramp from the side of the building.

It’s here he notices that, for an alleyway next to a heavily guarded government building, it doesn’t feel very safe. The fake night sky of the Ark’s dome twinkles, and this throughway is lit only by one off incandescent bulbs with a faint yellow glow. He starts walking again, nothing but strange silence enveloping him. There is the faint sound of the protest outside and the creaking, mechanical noises of his exosuit brace helping his other leg slowly, but steadily walk. These were the only companions for him. Mentally, he made a route in his mind to find the main street of the Ark again so he can find his way to the elevator.

Throughout this quiet endeavor through an urban jungle, he’s discovering just how intricate the alleys that surround the government building are. You would think a place for public officials wouldn’t cramp themselves against so many other businesses. It’s like an assassin’s paradise on top of the dull aesthetic. Normally, they would have massive spaces with gardens and fountains, all that foo-fooey stuff that was totally paid for by taxpayer credits. There was one like that at the other end of the Ark, yet for some reason today Andersen was at this one. The one that felt more like a temporary setup than a permanent fixture. He didn’t question it, sometimes things you think are dumb happen, and all you can do is just go along with it. 

Yet he still couldn’t shake the feeling nagging in the back of his head that something was off. It wasn’t just the placement of Andersen in this meeting, it was the protest too. Last he recalled, nothing major happened to spark such a thing, so what gives? Making him exit through alleyways too. Nothing about this seemed right. After all, where the hell were the security patrols of Nikkes that were stationed nearby? Kenshi swore he was walking for five minutes around the block and not once did he spot so much as a single peace officer. The only thing left to comfort him now was the light of the main street with all its plastered screens peering through the distant alley opening just mere feet away. He was finally there, he just needed to stop standing still from his break to relax the pain and get a move on.

However, this moment of safety and relief was broken when he felt the cold steel of a gun meeting the back of his head. He freezes in place, not wanting to tempt fate or try to see if he could dodge bullets. It’s here he notices that a single officer was knocked out cold and suddenly fell out from in between two dumpsters.

A familiar low pitched voice let out a quiet chuckle. “Bang.”, she taunted.

“Shit.”, he hissed, recognizing that voice. “I should’ve known, dammit! This is your doing, isn’t it, Crow?”

“Bingo.”, she continued teasing in that usual deadpan tone. “You played right into my hands. I was worried you were wiser now and weren’t going to fall for it. Luckily, I’m dead wrong.”

“Yea, real funny. Does it look like I’m laughing?”, he rolls his eyes and boldly laces his tone in bitterness. Internally however, he’s tense and wishing he had listened to his gut sooner. Of all the things about him that had changed since then, it was his niceness and compassion towards Crow that became sacrificed. What she did to the Ark and later the Outpost was horrific, downright unforgivable. He didn’t even want to think about it. It sickened him to think at some point he had enough compassion for her to celebrate her birthday. 

“Tell me, does it make you feel better taking advantage of me while I’m crippled?”

He can hear her shuffle into her pocket and pull out another of those cigarettes and place it in her mouth. She sighs loudly through her nose. “Not really. But it’s not like you could take me on even if you weren’t.”, she remarks detachedly. “You’re a man of many talents, but it’d take a miracle for you to be able to beat me in a fist fight.”

“You think I don’t know that? Talk about backhanded compliments.”, he sneers, still unamused by her as always. “So, where’s your goons? Did you forget they dumped you after what you did?”, he bites at her scathingly while gritting his teeth. “Tell me what you’re doing here. Or are you just lashing out on the world with your lofty cynicism again?”

He heard the click of her gun’s safety turn off. “So many questions, so little time.”, she clicks her tongue as she drawls. “Y’know, you can insult me all you like…but leave those two out of it. This is between you and me.”

“Oh look, the terrorist wants to pretend they have honor.”, he quips with sarcasm, daring to mock her in a snarky tone. “Anything else you wanna surprise me with? Like your plans?”

She releases a puff of smoke after taking a long drag from the cigarette. “Now why would I spoil the fun?”

Fun? Of course she treats it like some kind of sick, twisted game. It makes him scrunch his nose and his lips tighten. He feels so sickened he could hurl. “Alright, be that way then. So what, you’re gonna kill me? You know you can’t. There’s too many moving pieces even if you took out the guards on patrol here. It’s stupid to do it near both a Central Government building and main street. And that cig of yours gives you away.”

A small smug tug appeared on the corners of her lips. “Well, well, well. You do have a brain after all. I’m impressed.”, the cigarette dangled from her lips in bemusement. “As a reward, I’ll let you in a little bit on what I want. You keep placing your trust in those who would kill their masters the moment they got freedom. I thought maybe we should put that to the test.”

“Oh really now? This circus act again?”, he calls out to her. “What’s a clown like you gonna do this time? Balloon animals?”

She taps the back of his head with her gun in annoyance, scoffing at his foolish attempt at bravery and getting sick of his banter. It was just like him to do this. “You always go on showing compassion and love to a pitiful slave thinking of yourself as a kind soul.”, she then goes from annoyance to a coy grin. “I heard you got a precious, special one—so why not test if she’ll return those feelings?”

He stiffens. How the hell did she find out? What is she planning to do with Snow 

White? How dare she even try! Rage boils within him, and his fists clench tightly, even the one on his injured arm. He doesn’t care about the searing pain when all he sees is red. “I swear to God, Crow, if you even think about touching a hair on her head, I’ll grant your death wish myself.”, he almost wanted to turn his head around and stare her down, and his tone was dark in a way unheard of as he growled. 

She plasters that infuriating, satisfied grin on her face and lets out a single smug laugh. “So you have a weak spot after all.”, she then gets closer and whispers to him. “I’m going to show you just how fragile that love and compassion is. I already proved one of those right.”

She suddenly pushes him forward. He darts around to see her gun pointed right at him and his gut sinks to his feet. All previous retorts about the noise she would make were made null by the sight of a massive suppressor at the end of her submachine gun. He surmised if she’s willing to go that far, she probably has subsonic ammunition too. With the combination of the caliber, sonics, and the suppressor, it’d be dead quiet. Not so much as a peep would sound off over the hustle and bustle of the main street. No one would know he’s been shot. There was only one thing to say in the face of this.

“Go ahead, try it.”, Kenshi boldly calls her bluff. “It doesn’t matter how strong your willpower is. The NIMPH won’t let you pull the trigger.”

“You’re right. Direct shots are a no-go. But…”, she reminds him, slowly tipping her gun elsewhere, a cold grin on her face. “It doesn’t care about ricochets.”

She fires at a dumpster; the ricochet pierces his leg. Another shot was aimed at a different one in quick succession, and this one nicked him in the arm. Both of these hit right in the appendages currently encased in the exosuits. He let out pained cries but tried to suppress them and reach for his sidearm he always kept on him. 

“Ah, ah, ah.”, she chides him and then rushes him with a damp cloth out of nowhere. She smothers it against his face. He’s unable to resist due to his fresh injuries and the stronghold she has on the back of his head. He recognizes the scent immediately—chloroform. He tries resisting it via holding his breath, but it’s no use, not when he had such a massive pouring of it jammed into his face and blocking his nose. It was either breathe it in or die. He could feel everything both fade away and warp at the same time. Kenshi was slipping continually, failing to even stand upright as he staggered backwards. 

“Lights out, Commander.”, she raises a brow, that irksome grin tugging at her lips as the cigarette remained firmly planted in her mouth. This was the last thing he saw before being greeted by the blackness of being completely unconscious.

Everything spiraled out of control when he awoke. His vision was a constant blurriness, and full of motion that made the room spin despite him being perfectly still. His hearing was as if he was being kept underwater, muffled and a constant ring like low tinnitus in his ears. He saw multiple figures, all talking at once from what he surmised. Even from the obstructed ability to listen, he could discern the tones.

His other senses were dulled and continually so even as he awoke. His touch couldn’t feel a thing, as if his whole body had been numbed. He couldn’t even taste the remnants of that chloroform, let alone smell the place. Though these senses would not focus, his eyesight and his hearing gradually returned, and it’s here he witnessed quite a sight. 

A dingy, dark room lit only by a single hanging ceiling lamp, with nothing more but a cheap table and folding chairs. Was this some kind of secret torture room? He thought Crow had more luxurious places with those Outer Rim connections. It seems in her crusade against the Ark, committing the unthinkable, she lost even those who hated the Ark.

What caught his attention wasn’t this crappy place, but rather the people in it. He saw two Nikkes he hadn’t seen for quite a while, not even in the Outpost. From where he was positioned, off to the side of a diagonal from the table, across from Crow was the serpent in white, Viper. Surprisingly, she’s normally such a serene and gentle faced person, but not now with what seems to be a heated discussion with Crow. To his left was an equally unusual sight, a dismayed and nervous Jackal who faced neither him nor the two, staring at the floor.

When his hearing returned, he listened in to find it was quite the conversation. 

“I already told you, Crow. We’re through after what you did. Don’t rope me in on what you’re doing to Honey either.”,  her voice may have kept that softness to it, but there was no mistaking the disgust and venom in that tone. Neither could her features distract from those killer eyes. “I will never be dragged into your filth again, especially when it harms him.”

“Don’t tell me you’re playing goody-two shoes now.”, Crow could nearly spit at her. “You drugged him before, don’t you remember? You know what you are, who you belong to. They’ll never see you as an equal, period.”

“Maybe so. But I already promised myself I’m not engaging in your sick tricks anymore.”, she retorted proudly. “And so what if they don’t? The Commander does. That’s all I need.”

Crow narrows her eyes at Viper and sneers with a scoff. “You’re so full of it. You’re in this game whether you realize it or not. Test the Commander with me. You can validate his feelings for yourself.”

“I don’t need to.”

“Why? Because you trust him?”

“No. Because he trusts me. I already know. And…I like the new freedom I got getting out of your chokehold.”

Silence marred the tense staring contest between the two, neither willing to budge on their positions. For once, Crow lost the plot and showed signs of losing her patience when she slammed her hands on the table and leaned in towards her with hostility. Jackal was startled, swiveling her head towards the noise and standing at attention. 

She let out an annoyed groan. “Give me the damn drugs, Viper. Now . I’m not asking anymore.”

“You think that’s going to change anything?”, she shot back. “You don’t scare me, Crow. The answer is still no.”

Jackal let out a small whine. It tore her inside between these two loyalties with the Commander and Crow. Crow was always there for her, but she knows now how bad she truly was. She still remembered how she was let go purely because of her innocence in the situation, ignorant of blowing that hole in the Ark which let Raptures go through. Even with her chaotic tendencies and general shared anti-Ark sentiment, she would never want that. Nobody wants that . Raptures are a whole nother level of cruelty, separate from fellow humans or Nikkes. 

It didn’t matter with her past, present or future. She hated this, every moment of it. Isn’t it telling when someone like her who craves such wanton destruction, blowing things up for the hell of it, knows this is wrong? Jackal never cared to think; she always lived for the moment. But here she knew it was bad without so much a second guess. Crow would beat this part of her down, treating her like a disobedient, mangy mutt. But he never did, nor did he see her as such.

She still remembers this one particular moment from long ago, when their advising was held outside once.

“The leader said I’m acting like a dog. That’s a compliment, right?”, she asked him as they sat together in that park.

“Knowing her, probably not.”, Kenshi replied. 

She tilted her head. “Why? What’s so bad about it?”

He sighed as he watched spring leaves blow in the wind. “She probably means to call you a simpleton. Easy to please, understand, and direct. Like a dog, you’re a perfect pawn.”

She frowned, eyes glued to the floor as she mulled it over in her brain for a bit, being totally silent. “...Do you think I’m a dog, Commander?”

“Kind of, but not in that way.”

She suddenly feels a burst of negative emotion. “Then in what way?!”, she presses him, a slight bit of irritation in her tone as her head whips towards him. “I thought you said it was bad to be called a dog!”

“It’s bad in the way that Crow means it when she talks about you.”, he clarifies plainly, turning fully towards her to meet her attitude. “I look at it more positively.”

“How? What’s so positive about it?”, her annoyance grows the longer he draws it out, and she looks ready to bite his hand.

He smiles gently at her and does the one thing she adores and loves, patting her head. It was the one-way ticket to her heart melting. “You’re loyal and protect others. That’s a noble quality to have.”

Even just thinking about it now, her face could turn beet red as it did that day when he said it. She didn’t know why, but in moments like those she appreciated him. He had a way of explaining things to her with words she can understand, and high patience. Compared to Crow’s interactions, it stood out. It was always “do this”, “do that”, “stop that”, “be less annoying”. That’s why she wanted to look at him, if only for a reminder of that special place he holds to her. Turning around, she averted her gaze from them and towards Kenshi, as if trying to find a pocket of solace in this situation she doesn’t want to be in. 

It’s here she notices he’s awake and aware of the situation. Her eyes widen as she slightly blinks. She does her best to suppress her excitement and glee. Kenshi, upon seeing this, is absolutely sure if she had a tail like Biscuit does, it’d be wagging like crazy.

“Commander.”, she whispers, crouching down and leaning in towards him as she lies down on the floor to meet his eyes. Relief may have flooded her face, but sorrow tempered those eyes. “Hi.”

“Jackal...hi.”, he murmurs with a slight tug on his lips, keeping his tone low as he notices the conversation between the two nearby has devolved into a shouting match. “Long time no see. You doing okay?”

Her face becomes dejected, almost wounded. “Viper’s been doing fine but me…it’s…it’s hard. I…I don’t want to do this. Or be here right now. I miss you. She misses you too.”

He puts on a relaxed, reassuring smile. If he wasn’t injured and currently restrained by ropes right now, he’d try to do something, anything physical. “It’s okay, Jackal. I know it’s hard. Listen, no matter what, the Outpost’s doors won’t close on you or Viper. Come back and see me. I’ll always welcome you, okay? ”

She smiles so widely, even if it is bittersweet to hear such words. For once, she is the one patting him on the head. “Thank you.”

Crow, unfortunately, heard that from Jackal and in her anger whipped around to see her laying next to a clearly conscious commander. Her eyes turned to slits and her lips thinned at such a scene. Suddenly, she reaches down to Jackal’s side ponytail and yanks her away from him. 

She cries out sharply with a pained yelp, eyes welling with tears and panickedly reaching out towards Kenshi. “No! Leader, please—”

The raven haired Nikke roughly tosses her aside into a harsh, painful tumble on the floor. Viper immediately rushes over to her and comforts her in a protective cradle. That glare she had from before only intensifies tenfold. Jackal can only softly sob with the betrayal from Crow.

“Oi, quit your whining. Should’ve known better than to talk to him.”, she doesn’t even face Jackal as she crouches down and leans towards him. “So, the little soldier boy is awake. How was the reunion?”

“Bite me.”, he jabs at her verbally. “I’ll make you pay for that.”

“I doubt it.”, she clicks her tongue. “Last chance, Viper. Hand it over.”

“I’m with Honey.”, she barks at Crow. “You really thought I would after what you just did?”

She sighs through her nose. “Fine. If you won’t give me the stuff, guess I’ll just make it myself.”, she rushes over to the table, throwing the various liquids she had with her onto a new cloth. Viper looks on in horror, knowing exactly what she just did.

“You wouldn’t.”

“How about another experiment, Commander? Let’s see if my recipe is as good as Viper’s. Comes with a 50/50 chance of a real long nap or a permanent sleep.”, Crow rolls the cigarette in her mouth around with a smug grin. 

Viper must’ve forgotten, but here she remembered. Crow isn’t one to stop when she has a finalized, twisted idea. “Stop it, Crow! Fine, I’ll do it, just don’t—”

“Too late, Viper. You already had your chance.”, she replies. “Heard you like gambling, Commander. Let’s see what your luck is like today.”

Even as Viper surged up in a furious desperation, lunging at Crow to stop her, she knew it was already too late. With a swift, steady motion, she shoved the doused cloth in his face. Immediately, the suffocating, strong scent overwhelms him easily. Just as the world came back to him, it pushed him back into darkness.

“Sleep tight. Thank Viper if you manage to wake up.”

He only heard one last thing before going out: the cries of Jackal and Viper.

“Commander!”

Once again, he comes to—but only partially. This drugging was much worse than the last. Sure, his earlier sedation dulled his senses but he could still move around and the recovery was fast enough. Not this time. He couldn’t even rotate his head, he was so weak. His senses were coming back slower with the severe cost of being somewhere halfway between conscious and hung over. On top of all this, he also gained a new, throbbing, pounding headache that continually pulsed in his skull, which made it hard to focus on anything clearly. 

He had to get over this somehow. Think. What should he do in this situation? Start small. Assess what’s going on. As far as he could tell from blurred vision, he had a sight of Crow’s backside and a cold metallic floor beneath him. He heard a low hum of passing wind, marked by lights they passed while in motion. This was one of the Ark’s many elevators headed for the surface, no doubt about it. And from his position, it seems likely she has him slumped over her shoulder. Draped over her back, arm wrapped around his waist with a firm grip—she wasn’t taking any chances.

There was a positive in this moment, however. It seems she’s totally unaware of the fact he woke up again. He could smugly grin if he had the energy to. Looks like her hasty mixture, despite making him feel like total garbage, didn’t keep him out for long. He quickly wiped the expression off his face and watched her intently with baited breath. The only response he got, if you could call it that, was a shuffle in one spot and a complaint..

“Damn elevator. Even at these speeds, they still can’t cut the wait down?”, she muttered impatiently under her breath.

Good. From this he knew she didn’t have some extreme sixth sense capable of picking up every little motion he makes. This gave him a bit more wiggle room to scope out the situation, especially with the boost he had of the returning feeling in his neck. He rotates his head bit by bit, keeping a keen ear out for an audible sound of her noticing him. He looks as far as he can to the left, then to the right.

Nobody else was here. It seemed Crow got what she wanted from the duo of Viper and Jackal and went solo from then on. He figured such a thing would happen since last he recalled, Viper lunged for her throat and Jackal was literally thrown into sheer hysteria, a first for her if he ever saw it. To say the terms they had went from bad to worse was putting it lightly, especially after that escalation. 

This put a dent into whatever plan he could cook up. He was hoping Jackal was there, able to back him up in some capacity, but that was impossible now. It didn’t matter what he tried. Fighting a Nikke one-on-one as a human, let alone Crow, was plain stupid if not borderline suicidal. Even if Crow’s plan didn’t involve killing him, he’d barely survive.

So that left him with the only one option: signalling for help. He’d have to fish for his phone in his pocket. However, he couldn’t right now, there were too many things at stake. He wasn’t aware or active enough to even try with a modicum of success. What’s more, Crow doesn’t have much else to distract herself with in this empty elevator. She’d catch him on the fly. He’d have to do it while they were on the surface, when Crow has to track a million different variables.

Luckily for him, both his wake up call and chance came early. The sudden lurching stop that nearly threw the two in the air as it finally reached the surface signalled the end of their ride. Any remaining high he had got thrown out with the bathwater in that jolt, and now he was sobered up. This was perfect, being on the surface right when he thought about it being the time to move. She’d care too much about watching out for Rapture patrols or other Nikkes to give a damn about him, especially when it’s assumed he’s unconscious.

“Finally!”, she bemoans, readjusting the Commander on her shoulder as the door lurches open with a hiss and loud mechanical groan. She was greeted by the light of the sun and made a disappointed click of the tongue. “Damn. This’ll make sneaking harder. Whatever. Beggars can’t be choosers.”

He never took her for one to always talk to herself, but then again, he keeps learning new things about her daily during this whole catastrophe. What else can really surprise him? Regardless, she takes off with a walk. It’s no longer that usual pompous, hip-swaying jaunt she always has, but rather a complete opposite. It’s curt, sharp, purpose-driven and even militaristic. Her head keeps whipping around so hard he can practically hear the wind and air get cut up around her. 

So with this, he finally has his moment to act. However, little did he know he’d run into another snafu. It’s here he finally figures out the only arm he can move  around without touching her is the injured one that is also in that mechanical Nikke brace. His left arm. If he was able to curse, he would. She just had to put him on her right shoulder, didn’t she? If he was on her left, he could use his healthy, dominant arm and move fast. But of course, there has to be complications. There always are. 

Whatever, it doesn’t matter now. He has to do this. He can stomach pain. It’s nothing to him. He starts the motion towards his left pants pocket where he normally places his phone, every movement precise and slow. He finally reaches it, going inside with his hand and…

It’s not there. He returns his hand with the same tempo. It can’t be. This time he checks with his right arm, moving a bit faster since it’s behind Crow’s line of sight and not injured. Not there either. Nor is it in his front coat pockets. It doesn’t matter where he looks, it’s gone. It’s here he realizes the worst, a fact he should’ve— would’ve known if he was sober.

Crow got rid of his phone. 

He has no way of contacting the outside world . 

A slight panic rises within him. There is no viable option of escape anymore. Not a single one. No lifeline. No backup. Nothing . He suppresses the feelings of fear and steels himself. He’ll just have to grin and bear it. He survived being with Chatterbox; he can easily take on Crow. Especially since this test is focused on whether or not Snow White will rescue him. He already knows she will, beyond a shadow of a doubt with absolute, unwavering faith.

Unfortunately, since he was too busy focusing on his escape or lack thereof, he didn’t notice where she was walking. With a lurch he feels in his stomach, he’s subject to the sudden four story long drop out of a building balcony that Crow’s path had taken. The impact shocks hard and while his medical device braces itself for it, it does little to help. His arm is flung around and smacks hard into Crow’s bent elbow. 

The pain of this is intense as the sensation sharply rises through his arm. He tries to suppress it, but a grunt manages to come out. “Ngh…!”

Crow freezes abruptly. He can feel on his right hip the sensation of Crow’s head turning towards him. Kenshi stops all processes in his body, even holding his breath to give the appearance of being unconscious. Unfortunately, she’s not buying it.

“Awake again, eh?”, she remarks. “Seems you got lucky. It didn’t kill you.”

Kenshi doesn’t say a word. He’s hoping it’s like those stealth games he played with Exia where she’ll wave it off as hearing something and go back to her routine.

“Don’t bother pretending. I know you’re up.”, she jerks his injured leg and he creates another wordless reaction in the form of a pained, stilted yelp. “See?”

“Let’s fix that.”, she pulls out something from her belt on her left. He can’t see it, but it’s a syringe containing one of the drugs she got. “Be happy this time.”, she said before biting off the needle cover, uncapping it with her teeth and spitting it out on the ground. “This is Viper’s recipe. You know she makes the good stuff, unlike me.”

He feels a finger feeling his body around, as if ogling him with her touch. She’s looking for the perfect place to inject him with Viper’s concoction. It then stops right over his rear end. “Wow, nice ass.”, she taunts him. “No wonder your girl’s possessive.” If it was Snow White saying these things, he’d take it as a compliment. But as the situation stands, he feels violated and victimized, a new level of disgust unlocked within. “You got shots here before at the Academy, right? It’ll be just like old times.”, a sharp prick hits his right buttock and a rush of liquid enters past his skin and into his veins.

The world around him starts warping. Colors are shifting, swirling and blurring violently. Whatever Viper made, it was hitting him like a freight train. He doesn’t process Crow pulling out the emptied syringe from his butt and preparing another, whispering something he doesn’t understand. Like Crow was some kind of alien speaking her otherworldly tongue. 

Her voice’s pitch is shifting as she speaks in what is definitely his language for once. “How about another first time experience? Let’s see how you handle an overdose.”

She hits him again in the butt but this time on a different spot. The sharp sensation is amplified in his state, showing that it’s not just his hearing and sight, but everything in his brain is oversensitive. He can smell everything, hear everything, taste everything— sense everything . It even feels like he’s able to see things he realistically shouldn’t. A liquid rush assaults him again, but this time he can’t handle it anymore, his head feeling like it’s been overloaded. It shuts down, the world fading to black again.

“Sweet dreams…”, she teasingly cooed at him.

As his face plants into the snow, the harshness of the cold hits him all at once in a terrifying wave of sensory overload. It’s like he was splashed with cold water while asleep in some sort of prank. Only, this was no prank. He was in a life-or-death situation. He cries out in a pained groan, the sensitivity to the painful stimuli still remaining despite his fading high. 

He rotates himself around to see the auburn tinted sky of the setting sun. What little light remained gave him no warmth, and if anything, it just reminded him bitterly of the impending frigidness of the night. The snow itself served like the firmest possible mattress—softer than the dirt, but still hard as rock. Last he checked, he was still in the temperate areas surrounding the outside of the Ark elevators. How the hell did he get up in the North?

A blemish in his returning sightline reminds him just who lay at the center of this disgusting plan. Crooked grin on her face, it’s like the raven took pleasure in watching him suffer. Or maybe she’s just happy that her plan took off despite the hitches she came across, like the resistance of her ex-comrades or him continually awakening.

His regained consciousness did not bother her however, unlike before. In fact, she’s quite pleased he did. To her, everything was falling into place too perfectly. With him now back to the land of the living, she can give him the send off she wanted. She whistled for a long duration with multiple vibrato at him. “Good afternoon, Sleeping Beauty. Enjoy your nap?”

His face scrunched up in anger, moving to get up just so he can take a swing at her. However, reality hits him hard with two roadblocks. First, a massive searing pain in his left arm, which made him actually cry out. “Augh!”, he yelped, completely forgetting how his brain now seemed to register even the slightest move of a hair on his body in its newfound sensitivity. Second, even if he wanted to keep getting up, his arm gave out within two seconds of enduring it, barely able to get his upper body above the ground. 

He drops backward with the sudden release of his limbs, the back of his head slamming back down into the snow with a thud. No pain came from such a short drop despite how hard it felt. His breaths erupted into sharp pants, now doing nothing but staring up at her as she looked at him all bemused. She chuckled, a lit cigarette in her mouth. The smoke billowing from it mixed with the visible breath in the air. 

He’s starting to struggle to get words out, but he’s still plenty able to keep talking at a normal pace. “Enjoying yourself?”

“As much as I can.”, she replies coyly. “I just think it’s cute how you try to come at me while knowing it’s in vain.”

“What part of this is cute?”, he was still panting, but now an irksome tone lacing his tongue.

“How you act.”, she remarks. “But I guess I also like your handsome looks.”

“Buzz off.”, he snaps.

“Sometimes I almost wish you would treat me like you do Jackal and Viper.”

“Like hell you do.”, he retorts loudly, not for a moment believing her feign. “You know why I don’t. You burned that bridge yourself a long time ago.”

“Hm. I guess so.”, she hums, tilting her head at him. “Like you would know what I think, though.”

“Who cares? And why flirt with me now, anyway?”, he spat out, not caring how weakly his voice was coming out with its hoarseness. “Like a damn cat playing with a mouse.”

“Not a bad analogy.”, she goads him with a teasing snap of her fingers. “Believe it or not, I just figured I’d get my last thoughts out to you in case you bite the dust.”, she makes direct eye contact with him, her greens meeting his browns. “I don’t like to live with regrets.”

Your whole life is nothing but things you should regret , he thinks to himself. He stays silent for a while, doing nothing but engaging in a staring contest with her until he blinks. It feels like a while before he talks again. “Why drag me out here?”

“You know the answer.”, she replies immediately, raising a brow with a smirk. “Your girlfriend patrols around here.”

He squints at her. “Do you even know who she is?”

“Of course.”

“Then say her name.”, he’s smug, expecting her to say something along the lines of Ludmilla, Alice, Tove, or even Neve. Anyone of the Unlimited squad really. This is their territory.

“Snow White.”

His eyes widened and his body stiffened. He hadn’t spoken of her once, even when Crow threatened to do something to her back in the Ark, gun at his head. “How?!”

“I have my ways.”, she purred cryptically.

“Isabel?”

“Not even close.”, she crouches down towards him, entranced pompous grin splaying her face. “Want a hint? None of your little Nikkes ratted you out.”

That left only one other possibility. He made a mental note that when he got back to the Outpost, if he did, to tighten security. Crow must’ve managed to worm her way inside without getting spotted. If she could manage trekking the surface for so long at such a distance without Isabel catching a glance, she’s got to be an infiltration master. Then again, he shouldn’t have underestimated her, given all the footage of her breaking into Lucky Diamond back just mere hours before the Raptures invaded the Ark. 

Silence permeated the two again for a bit.

“You two make a cute couple.”, she taunts. “A mythical Pilgrim and a Commander—star-crossed lovers. How romantic.”

“Shut up.”, he demands, snipping at her. “Don’t talk about her. Or us.”

“Can’t I at least confess my jealousy?”

“Like I give a damn about that.”

“Ouch. Harsh words, mister.”

His eyes tightened at her, his nose scrunched. “You’re not winning me over with this shit.”

“No, I’m definitely not.”, she admitted plainly, sighing. “But y’know, I’d be lying if I didn’t fantasize about us once or twice.”

He made a disgusted groan. “Maybe in a world where I fixed you.”, he shot at her.

She let out a single, condescending laugh. “In your dreams, maybe.”

Silence for a pause. She lets out another big long nasal sigh. “Well, this is goodbye. I’ll be back to see if she passes.”

His reply doesn’t escape his lips as he glares at her. She will. And when she gets here, you’ll pay.

She pulls out the last two syringes of her drugs, that grin on her face again as she then gets on her knees in front of him. It’s the one he hates so much that twists with joy at suffering. “Before I go, why not at least make your final moments comfortable? You take these like a champ.”

She uses her thumbs to send the syringe caps flying. With a single motion, she gets both needles in each of his thighs. She slowly starts injecting the right leg. “This mixture is less severe than the last. You’ll sleep for a while…then you’ll have the time of your life when you wake up.”, he feels the drugs rush into the large veins in his legs, shooting up and spreading throughout his body.

“The high lasts a while too. Maybe you’ll go on a little adventure.”, when it finally empties, she yanks it out and tosses it hard. This sends the first syringe flying far away from them. Suggestively, she leans down towards him, her chest touching his as her face draws near his. She takes the cigarette out of her mouth. Fighting the oncoming high and remaining vigilant, he turns his cheek away as her breath hits it. 

“See you later, Commander.”, she whispers before planting his cheek with a kiss. After this, in one fell swoop, the rest of the drugs go in. “Sweet dreams.”, she puts on a mock sultry voice as his hearing fades. Nothing but ringing can be heard as his vision blurs again. He can almost feel his eyes roll into the back of his head as she gets up and walks away from him, never to be seen again.

The last thing he can see before the world goes black for the third time are the remnants of that setting sun. At that moment, more than ever, he wished to see Snow White again.

“The last thing…I remember…was seeing you.”, he rubbed her hand in a circle. “I don’t know how long…I was there. It must’ve been…a day before…you found me.”

He returns his gaze from her hand to her face to see a boiling rage. Snow White’s eyes burned with such ferocity and were filled with enough shock to make them bulge out of her head. Her hands trembled with one of them clenched into a tight fist, shoulders reared as if ready for battle. Were she any less competent at restraining herself, she might’ve been in his face asking for whereabouts and then storm off to find this “Crow”. Even now, she had a hard time concealing her righteous fury when the desire for justice burned so brightly inside her.

It already disgusted her at the idea of a Nikke who would actively want to harm humans. Much less one that, as he put it, was the leader of a terrorist organization dedicated to attacking the Ark. What made it so much worse to her was that, as he told her, she actively took advantage of his kindness, using it like a blind spot to stab him in the back. She almost regrets asking him in his story what made him so callous as to abandon a Nikke for the first time. As soon as she heard the answer from him, she felt like actively hunting down a Nikke in the same way she does for a Rapture. Complete with full metal jacket euthanasia!

Kenshi obviously was alerted to this rage, and feebly squeezed her hands. He let out some light coughs as he smiled through the hurt. She assumed the worst again. There he goes, on his way to defend a Nikke that would just harm him for their own selfish reasons. She was about to press the issue and start this argument all over again from the camping date. The snowy Pilgrim wasn’t going to let him speak even once this time. Yet, even in such a sorry state, he managed to beat her to the punch.

“Snow…it’s okay to be mad at her.”

This took her for a loop. Here she was, ready to fight him back on his every word when he took it in an unexpected direction. “Huh?”, she remarks aloud at her confusion, the rage slowly subsiding into the background. 

“I’m not fond…of her either. Honestly…if I saw you…beat the snot out of her…it’d probably…make my day.”, he speaks in a soft volume. 

She’s still perplexed. “Then what’s going on? You looked like you were about to say something in her defense.”

He shook his head in response. “No, Snow. I can’t forgive her…I’m not forgetting what she did.”, he did his usual thumbing over the back of her hands that soothed her soul every time. “I don’t want…revenge to consume you. I hate seeing you…like this.”

She grunts in shock, blushing lightly. Her gaze falls to their joined hands. “But…”, she mutters, still holding on to a fraction of the anger. “You don’t know what I’d do to her.”

“Believe me…I do.”, he chuckled before erupting into wheezes.

“I want to kill her, Kenshi.”, she puts it bluntly, being totally open with him. 

“Like I don’t?”, he retorts as feisty as he can be in such a state. “Listen…there are worse fates for her.”

“Like what?”

“Letting her live. Killing her…that’s what she wants.”, he reminds her. “More importantly…for me. Please. Let it go.”

She sighs with all her might, bringing even her shoulders into the mix. “But…”, her defiance is weak as she trails off.

Kenshi erupts his own sigh that finishes with a wheezy flourish. “This rage…it’s like your regret.”, he reminds her. “Your heart for righteousness…I love that about you. But…don’t let it eat your lunch…or separate us.”

The words sting her heart. “I’m sorry.”, she blurts out, dejectedly staring at the floor, all semblance of wrath dissipating in that moment.

He’s only smiling. “It’s fine…Snowy.”

Kenshi reaches up and cups her cheek in his hand to redirect her gaze to him. It’s here when the Pilgrim speaks up. “You really are good to me.”, she reminds him. 

He laughs a little faint laugh. “I try.”

A phone chime sounds off and Snow White abruptly breaks the intimate moment to check.

“Who is it?”, Kenshi asks curiously. 

Alice (00:10): Snow White, we’re here! :D
Alice (00:11): It seems you locked the door. Can you let us in please? O u O

A quick but loud three tap knock sounds off towards the entrance, which makes both their heads turn. Snow White lets out a sigh. 

“Coming!”, she calls out towards the door. Her head turns towards Kenshi, a bit sad at the prospect that time flew by that quickly when they talked. She was wishing the moment would last a bit longer. “It’s Alice.”, she nearly whispers, the disappointment echoing in her tone.

“Hide-y time…huh?”, the Commander quips. 

She puts on his most liked faint smile, the kind he felt was most genuine and true to her. He watches as she leans her head down towards him and kisses his forehead sweetly. The pucker makes a light smack from the exit, and she pats his head. “Yea.”, is all she says and really needs to in this final indulgent moment. 

Snow White gets up from the bed, the foundation making a loud creak as the memory foam resets its spot. She whips around on her heels and resets to her usual neutral, calm demeanor while heading off towards the door. He can only watch her, silently admiring the sight of her walking off. Kenshi may have hated her leaving, but he loved watching her go. That cloak of hers hides it pretty well, but despite all that, underneath is still a woman from the way her hips slightly sway from side to side as she walks. If only she was wearing that dress he got for her…

She disappears into the hallway and he hears beeping from the keypad. Faint clasps barely reach his ears, but he distinctly makes out the hiss of the sliding door. There’s no mistaking the low howl of the droning, icy winds that threatened to invade the warmed space he resided in. The voices that greeted the Pilgrim were just the same ones he always knew from the northern base. The high-pitched, bubbly tone belonging to Alice and the lesser high but still notably girlish yet regal tone of Ludmilla. 

He then heard the humming and skipping, witnessing the hot pink wearing, beige twin tail haired Nikke bound into the small space. Her eyes are thankfully closed to not immediately witness the sickly, injured Commander. What he finds himself more amazed by is that she has the sense to skip perfectly and end with a hop just before the bed without even seeing the inside of the place. Kenshi wondered just how common this layout is for bunkers in the area. Behind her was the clicking of the heels of Snow White and Ludmilla in tow.

“Rabbity!”, Alice squealed with glee as she did a dainty little bow. “I’m so happy to—!”, her face molded into highly raised brows, wide eyes, and small pupils as her eyes opened at him. She’s completely gobsmacked into silent shock, like she caught something in her throat. Her usual whimsy has disappeared, staring silently. “What...what happened, Rabbity?! Did the Queen of Hearts hurt you?!”

“Hi Alice.”, the Commander meekly waved. If his lungs worked right, he’d probably be giggling at her. “And no…”, he lets out more coughs. “...but I wish she did.”

“Oh, that’s terrible!”, she gasped, tears welling in her eyes as she darted to his bedside. She rested her chin on her hands and the bed as she kneeled down. “Rabbity, you look so sick! Do you need me to cheer you up? Maybe we can read a story!”

“Maybe later, Alice. We don’t want to aggravate Servant’s condition now, do we?”, the ice queen known as Ludmilla sauntered in, standing just behind her. She bowed her head politely and acknowledged the Pilgrim, who nodded in return. Ludmilla joined Alice in inspecting him and knowing how grim he looked, took on a pained expression. It’s one thing to hear it from Snow White, but it was different seeing it first hand. “Oh my…Servant…I’m so terribly sorry that none of us found you.”

“It’s okay, Ludmilla.”, he faced her with a slight tug on his lips in that small smile. “Snow White found me…that’s all that matters.”

Snow White, behind the two, reflexively stiffened as he said that. How brazen was he to say that, especially with that rant on that date’s explosive ending. Was he still high? Regardless, it seems Ludmilla didn’t take it the way she expected she would. 

“Right. We are eternally grateful for her. Had she not found you, I would’ve feared the worst.”, she sighed and slightly grinned with relief. “Still ever the optimist, I see. Good.”, her shoulders relaxed at his safety and gratitude. “Might I ask, who or what did this to you?”

“You wouldn’t believe me…if I told you.”

Alice rapidly shook her head back and forth, her twin tails whipping around with her. She was nearly bounding over herself and the bed towards him. “No way, Rabbity! I know you’d never lie. I’d believe you!”

“I am with Alice on this one, Servant.”, Ludmilla got down on one knee, bending over the bed next to Alice to reach eye level with him.

He signaled for Ludmilla to get closer, clearly implying he didn’t want to taint Alice’s childlike wonder and innocence. His whispers could be barely heard as he cupped his hand to Ludmilla’s ear. Her expression only became more grave than when she first bore witness to his condition. Alice blinked and gaped with curiosity, tilting her head side to side like a little puppy hearing noises for the first time. Ludmilla moved away from him when he finished, turning to face him again. Her expression had darkened significantly, eyes narrowing as if in understanding. “I see. How…despicable.”

“What happened, Rabbity?”, Alice asked, clearly still invested in the events.

He entrusted Ludmilla to break it to her. She was always clever enough to preserve Alice’s wondrous and fluffy mind. “Let’s just say a certain Cheshire Cat’s mischief went a little too far this time.”, a perfect description of the terrible grin that bitch dons on her face, the Commander thought to himself.

“The Cheshire did this?!”, her mouth practically dropped to the floor. “ Why?! That’s not fair. Rabbity never did anything bad to anyone!”

“I guess…I'm just a pawn in he— his little game.”, he replied, forcefully correcting himself to drop any mention of Crow even by pronouns. At this point, it’s not even to retain Alice’s innocence anymore. It’s just because she disgusts him that much.

Snow White simply watched, internally amused at the Nikkes before her that Kenshi described earlier. Certainly an interesting pair for sure, more so than his own squad. Even as someone familiar with the story they keep referencing, and understanding how it’s referring to the current events, it’s all gibberish as far she’s concerned. Ludmilla to her certainly seemed to be the more realistic of the pair, knowing fully of the reality of the situation. What’s she curious about is Alice. Why keep up this strange charade and preserve the innocence of this Nikke? Is her brain still that of a child’s?

It makes her wonder if maybe at some point, had she been made differently, perhaps a later time, and wasn’t a Goddess, if the same would happen to her. Would she be allowed to retain the innocence she lost long ago? Well, the way she saw it, it wasn’t worth delving much deeper into. She wasn’t really one to think about hypotheticals unless it was battle scenarios or some other kind of practical application for it. Besides, right now she’s more concerned with trying to keep her ferocity with Crow in check, and keeping her man safe. Kenshi hated seeing her like this, and the way she saw it, it was the same as her hating to see him cry. So she’d do her best to fulfill his wishes as he has done for her.

As the three chatted away as best they could with Kenshi’s condition, Snow White kept her eyes to the floor as she stood a distance away. This was her way of giving space to a reunion of friends and keeping up her image. Even if she wasn’t really intent on listening, she thought such moments were nice. From what little she could glean, he hadn’t seen the duo in the Outpost for a while. In a way, it almost reminded her of her own monthly meetings with her friends. She could hardly imagine what it would be like missing one of those.

Her phone blips, but the others ignore it. Alice even forgoes her own just to talk with Kenshi some more. She decides to check it for the others. From the notification bubble, she determines it’s part of their little “Operation: Save Kenshi” group chat.

Rapi (00:45): We’ll be there in 30 seconds. 

The white Pilgrim darts her head up at the group. She puts her thumb and finger in the corners of her mouth and lets out a whistle. Everyone froze instantly, stopping immediately what they were doing. They turn to face Snow White at the corner of the bunker near the doorway. She cleared her throat sharply, removing the social warmth of the moment.

“Rapi’s transport is coming in about half a minute. Get ready to move him out!”, she enters tactical mode and belts out in that collected, powerful voice of hers.

Even amongst the clear night sky with naught but a slight wind blowing, the cold bit at everyone’s faces. At least with the less human of the group, they can be heated up by their cores. The Commander known as Kenshi, however, was not privy to such things. Even being wrapped under thermal blankets, he still huddled close to Alice’s body as she propped him up with Ludmilla. Not that she didn’t mind, if anything she was quite glad to comfort him. She found herself happily humming as she held him close and managed to both keep him warm and walking. 

Snow White followed to the left of the two, keeping a close eye on them just in case Kenshi had a sudden bout of weakness and needed extra support. That’s saying like he isn’t already weak though, seeing how he’s trudging through the snow and keeping everyone’s pace down. Being in such a position hid her expression. She wished it was her holding Kenshi close like that, but she doubted she could give the same warmth as Alice anyhow. Her body suit was specifically meant to control the overwhelming heat her body provides, serving as an indication of how much better suited she was to the task. Besides, somebody needed to serve as watch for the team and to keep everyone safe, lest a certain gnat come and ruin everything.

The pace was slow, but thankfully they didn’t need to go much farther than the bunker, as the surrounding area was more than open enough to provide a landing. Before Snow White could even think to glance at the surroundings, she noticed the dropship finally came over them. Perhaps she was too absorbed in her thoughts to notice the low humming drone of the engines of the aircraft come overhead, seeing how Alice and Ludmilla had already been staring up at it and its blinking lights for a while. 

Alice turned over, a bit saddened but still smiling. “Looks like you have to go now, Rabbity.”

“Yea.”, he nodded. Turning to the both of them, and even back to Snow White. “Thank you. All of you.”

Snow White grunted and turned around to nod at him. “It’s not a problem, Servant.”, Ludmilla spoke, gently placing a hand on the estimated place of his shoulder. It was hard to determine under all those layers. “We’re all friends here. And besides, it’s a Nikke’s job to keep humans safe.”

Ropes hit the ground with a patter and through loud grinding noises slid down the iconic duo of Counters. Anis and Neon quickly scanned the surroundings with weapons drawn before immediately dropping them at the notion of safety and running over to Kenshi. Not long after, Rapi slid down the same rope as Anis, disconnecting upon landing while keeping the rifle steady with one hand.

“Master!”, Neon let out an elongated whine, tackling him with a big hug, an audible pained grunt letting out of Kenshi. “I’m so glad you’re okay.”

“Neon, cut it out! The Commander is—”, an unamused Anis yanked her off, suddenly cut off by the sight of him. She started blinking and looked him up and down properly. “Holy crap.”, was all she could muster. No taunts, no quips, no comments. Just a single statement of awe.

Neon got a proper look herself. “Wow. Master, you look awful!”

“Tell me something…I don’t know.”, Kenshi stated sarcastically, feeling energized by the company of his good friends.

“Jeez and you can barely talk too…”, Anis frowns with concern, nearly shuddering at what else might be hidden underneath all those blankets.

The crunching of boots on snow behind them signals Rapi’s arrival. “Commander.”, she states before circling around the two. Her eyes widen and she too is stunned into silence. It’s so powerful a sight she even forgets her usual salute. Those red eyes of hers are scanning every inch of his brutalized form, and she finds her brows furrowed in frustration.

She softens her expression as she turns to Snow White. “You weren’t kidding.”, she notes of the truth in her texts. “Thank you. Seriously. Can you tell me what happened to him?”

Snow White nonchalantly waves it off. “Let him explain it when he’s better.”

The blonde Nikke simply nods and turns to him before suddenly being pulled into a group hug by Neon. “Master is safe. And we’re together again. That’s all that matters now!”, she professes in an attempt to lift spirits. It works, considering now Rapi is actually smiling. The observers are too, whether they realize it or not. 

What was that saying again? All good things must come to an end?

First, a shot rang out and hit the drop ship, causing the ropes to quickly reel back in as it took sudden evasive maneuvers, blasting off from the area. A sound of slow sarcastic clapping rings out, cutting through the atmosphere like a hot knife to butter. Everyone focuses their attention to the direction of where it came from, which happened to be right across from the Commander. The clapping didn’t stop. Soon enough, the crunch of snow joined this disharmonious symphony too, as the figure came from the darkness and into the spotlight shone by the dropship. It kept circling around at a high altitude, keeping the spotlight on the area. 

“What a picturesque reunion.”, that same apathetic drone. Who else could it be? “It’s enough to make you cry.”

It took no time for Counters to disband and draw their weapons. 

“I should’ve known it was your doing.”, Rapi tenses up, her grip on her gun tightening. “Crow.”

Little did anyone know, a certain white haired Pilgrim suddenly grew stiff at the sound of that name. Her eyes were focused on nothing else but that dark haired criminal. The rage came again, boiling inside with enough temperature it could make her steam. This was the one who wronged her Kenshi. 

“Is this… Cheshire ?”, Alice whispers to Kenshi, to which he silently nods.

Those wide eyes of Snow White became an intense scowl in the blink of an eye, especially when their gazes met. Her glowing goldens pierced her evergreens with such voracity, as if she was shooting needles from her eyes. She can put on a calm, detached exterior all she likes, Snow White knows those eyes. She’s seen them before in her comrade, Dorothy. Those are the eyes of a sociopath, a ticking time bomb waiting to blow. 

All Crow can do is grin as if pleased with herself. “Quite an interesting crowd you got here, Commander.”, she shoves her hands in her coat pockets and leans back. “A Pilgrim too.”

He said nothing, not even daring to change his stoic, brave face. She already knew everything, that much he gained from their last exchange. As far as he cared, this is all for show. Like he couldn’t peg her for a circus clown even more.

“Stay back, bitch!”, Anis crowed at her, trigger finger itching to explode her with her grenade launcher. Alice lets out a small gasp at the curse word. “One more step and I’m blowing you to kingdom come.”

Crow rolls her eyes. “You should know how stupid that is, shooting a grenade at this range.”

Neon, with confidence, pushes her glasses back as she aims her shotgun while stepping out in front of Anis. “You’re right. This is a much better option.”

“Don’t. Either of you.”, Kenshi musters up what little energy he has to send his voice in a commanding tone. Rapi turns to him as if he’s crazy, her eyebrows scrunched and head slightly tilted at him. He meets her gaze with determination and suddenly, she instantly gets it. 

“What?!”, Anis was about to talk back in her usual manner until Rapi held up a hand.

“No. He’s right. She’s goading you two into shooting her. Just keep your distance, and your heads cool.”, Kenshi gave her a weak smile as Rapi reigned in the others.

Snow White, against her welled feelings and rising tension, simply observed. It wasn’t that hard to pick up that Crow was growing irritated at this not working. The massive sigh, the slight twitch of the nose. The body language screamed she knew it wasn’t going her way. She really was expecting some form of action after all she did. The raven needed a reaction that wasn’t justly provoked. She knew she couldn’t pull out her concealed handguns even in a last ditch effort. They were insurance for smooth operation, not the tools for the job. However, she did pick up on Snow White’s fists and shifty body language.

From that moment on, a nasty idea formed. It was clear she was targeting the wrong people. Counters had a strong, unbreakable bond that couldn’t be easily shaken. Always together, practically forging something new daily with their blood, sweat, and tears. Unlimited wasn’t an option either, if only because she knew Ludmilla was a smart cookie. She’d pick up on her mind games as easily as Kenshi can, if not easier. Alice, with her young mind, wouldn’t budge. It’d be like explaining physics to a caught bass. 

No, the best option was right there all along. Who had a secret intimate relationship with the Commander? Who had recently nearly squandered it over a bitter argument? Who had the separation of time and space? Who was the most sensitive right now after a much needed reunion? Snow White. That’s who.

And with all the information she managed to gather on those two, she knew just how to press her buttons. Especially that secrecy, and the idea she counted on: he told her everything she did to him. Oh, the juiciness of it all just made her tingle all over. She can’t wait to add breaking a Pilgrim’s resolve to her list of achievements before she passes on. 

Crow calculated the most perfect way to start it up. “Y’know, it’s quite sad. The way your little Commander wriggled like a worm while I drugged him up.”

“Finally feeling remorse for once in your life, eh?”, Anis taunts her, clearly getting sick of her charlatan behavior. “Then hurry up and apologize already. We’re wasting fuel.”

“Oh no. I’m quite happy with myself.”, she turns a crooked smile at the group. “It’s just…man, you should’ve heard the things he was saying. Especially about a certain someone in this group.”

In a shocking turn of events, all the Nikkes release their tension as their inquisitive minds take over. A mixture of confusion and curiosity took over the group as they each had their own little movements and reactions. It’s not surprising, after all. Kenshi is currently among a group of Nikkes that all have varying levels of affection for him. Snow White, in the back, only got more tense. Something felt wrong, and even Kenshi knew it, but he was more confused than having any sense of abstract danger.

“What in the world are you on about?”, Rapi spoke with a hasty tone. “What does that even matter?”

She deliberately ignores Rapi’s questions to continue. Crow has them hooked on the bait, to go off on tangents addressing all their questions would make her lose the catch. “Don’t you wanna know? He was so adorable, y’know. He kept calling out your name.”

Her eyes dart to Snow White’s just when everyone is tracking her movement, like she was a star dancer. Right now was the climax of her act. Snow White’s stress reached her maximum, fists shaking in place as her face got darker, hiding behind her cloak collar. This hiding wasn’t to protect her expression from the others, but rather to protect Crow from whatever gnarly face she had. All eyes were still kept on Crow, it just took a bit more to direct them at her co-star in this play.

Don’t you say it. Don’t you dare. , she raged at Crow in her mind. 

“It was so touching. Begging for his precious Pilgrim Snow White to come save him while he was high as a kite.”

Silence. Kenshi internally damned his condition. If the cold of the night wasn’t aggravating him right now, he’d be calling her a liar till the cows came home.

“He wouldn’t stop saying her name and how much he loved her. It was so sweet.”, and with that, it was a wrap.

She reveled in the group’s expressions as they reacted to this information. A mixture of confusion, shock and upset feelings. Alice is bewildered, blinking multiple times with her eyes. Her innocence keeps her from understanding the deeper implications, but it’s easy to see it’s like a crush getting…well, crushed . Ludmilla narrows her eyes before closing them and lowering her head in understanding. Even Kenshi himself flickered with a flash of confusion and self-doubt despite his immediate internalized reaction. He knows he didn’t say a thing, not even while high…right? She relished in that sight.

“Wait…what?”, Neon expressed audibly her bewilderment. “He called for Snow White?”

“Not…us?”, Anis let out. “Or me?”, she whispers under her shaky breath. She’s biting her cheek just to push down any feelings that felt like bubbling to the top.

This showed her the best of it all: watching the Counters’ well-knit dynamic suddenly become a tangled knot of complications. Anis’ face is contorted in a constant change of surprise and contemplation. Those brows scrunch together as if denying the fact. Neon is gaping mouth wide open. It’s like even a spy such as herself shouldn’t be privy to this information. 

To Crow, most delicious of all was Rapi’s reaction. She was surprised, before then melting into a dejected state with a blank stare directed at nothing in particular. It’s obvious to anyone she’s taking it the hardest of all. That stoic facade of hers slowly shattering away into such a rare moment of vulnerability. All the while she’s not even letting out so much as a peep. The silent crumbling was priceless.

All eyes then fall on Snow White. Gears started turning in the group’s heads, yet none wanted to ask nor acknowledge it. It made sense now, didn’t it? How could they have been so blind? Snow White was the first to find him and render aid. Ludmilla recalls the delay in opening the bunker door too. It just went to show that hindsight is 20/20. The worst part of it all was the oppressive silence these wordless stares generated.

Out of them all, it seemed a nervous Alice was the only one brave enough to finally step forward in that figurative sense. “Snow White…is this true?”, she asks with a direct face towards her.

She doesn’t say a thing, staring back at Alice wordlessly and blankly. Her eyes shift over to Kenshi who shares the same expression. Then they go back to Alice. Still not so much as a peep. At first, it seems, she’s neither confirming nor denying it, the same kind of response a celebrity has to a scandal. But when she rotates around towards Crow with such an infuriated expression, it’s only merely the start of the implicit confirmations. 

“If this was your goal…congratulations, Crow. You’ve succeeded in pissing me off.”, she stomps out towards her, instinctively moving towards Kenshi and getting in front of him. 

He calls out hoarsely. “Snow…please…”

“Don’t worry. I won’t.”, she reassures him, referring to their earlier conversation. 

There was no point in hiding it anymore, the way either of them saw it. Even Alice’s child-like nature picks up on things like this quickly. Everyone else being more mature only compounded the situation. The reactions shouted louder than any words they could yell out. They now knew. This was just like Isabel all over again, a fact being revealed in a way Kenshi never intended. He was stupid to think he could drag it out any longer; he knew as much when Snow White informed him of telling her friends Scarlet and Rapunzel about them. The only thing left to do was deal with the aftermath and pray that some of them would at least understand with respect.

“Aw, did I let the cat out of the bag?”,  she teases. “So scandalous, isn’t it? It’s already bad enough a Commander is playing house with a Nikke behind everyone’s backs. But a Pilgrim?”, she laughs. “You might as well start digging your own grave…Kenshi.”

The yellow eyes burn like a hot flame. “Don’t you dare say his name.”, Snow White’s voice echoes with strength and rage. “Someone like you doesn’t have the right.”

“You don’t think it’s weird?”, she continues showboating again, directing her gaze at Alice. Crow decides to get greedy and wants to sow more seeds of fallout. “After all, he doesn’t give you his name. It’s either his rank or whatever nickname you want to call him. Don’t you wish you could call him Kenshi?”

“Stop.”, Ludmilla shields Alice from the questioning which is clearly causing her internal strife as tears well up. “Servant has his reasons. He’s free to do what he wants.”

“But…Queen.”, Alice’s voice is breaking up. “Kenshi is such a nice name. I wished I knew it.”

Crow smirked. “And what about you three? How many times have you nearly died together, or watched him nearly die? You think it’s fair for a runaway Pilgrim who barely sees him like her to be the only one with that privilege?”

Anis silently looks over at Snow White and makes silent hand signals at her. She nods in return. The brunette turns to Crow. She inhales deeply.

“Shut up, Crow!”, Anis squawks, cycling her grenade launcher to a cylinder she had loaded with a special round, a smoke grenade. A tear falls down her cheek. “I won’t lie…it hurts. I’m jealous too. But if you think I’ll abandon him over this…you’re stupider than you look!”, she takes aim at Crow. 

She flips the safety off. Kenshi trusts their sudden plan he witnesses them making. “Snowy?”

No reply. “Kick her ass…for me.”

PA-FOOM!

The grenade shoots out from Anis’ launcher. 

THUNK! BOOM!

It hits the ground near Crow’s feet.

FWWWSSSSHHHHHHH, POOF!

Smoke erupts in an instant, covering the area in a dense, grey fog. Counters suddenly form a Nikke barrier around Kenshi in a flash. Meanwhile, Snow White charges the disoriented, coughing raven. A crack sounds out as her fists start flying, connecting with her face and torso multiple times. Crow suddenly reorients herself and starts trading blocks, dodges and blows with the Pilgrim. In the midst of the chaos, the sudden penguin huddle of Nikkes around Kenshi starts shuffling him away, as if starting to carry him like some sort of pharaoh. They hurriedly rushed out of the cloud of smoke, which quickly dissipated as the ensuing melee battle kicked up snow in its place. Plus, the wind started kicking up which only made it disappear faster. 

Kenshi peeked over their heads to get a glimpse of the battle. Snow White currently had the upper hand and was tearing up Crow a new asshole, as far as he was concerned. He could grin as he saw the sights. A right hook in her cheek. A left slam on her left shoulder. She goes down, and is met with a knee to her stomach as Snow White grabs Crow’s body and hurls it towards her to increase the force. It’s enough to send her stumbling a good yard or two backwards.

But of course, this is Crow. She just had to do something underhanded to gain the advantage. She seems to at first desperately grab her by the hips in a tackle, a stupid move most wouldn’t do unless belligerently drunk. However, as Snow White prepped a double linked fist down on her spine, Crow reached into her coat and brandished a knife. She stabs her right in the thigh. Snow White cries out as Crow steps out of the hold and slams her boot sole into her chest to knock her down. She’s pulling out another tool, this time a gun, aimed right at her head. 

His weakness suddenly doesn’t matter as he shouts. “Snow! Gun!”, he screams with all his might. The Nikkes suddenly stop and watch with bated breath as the Pilgrim is mere seconds within Death’s grasp.

She pulls the knife out with gusto, sweeps Crow's leg, and in a single circular motion, slashes her right across the chest. With her free hand, Snow White grabs the gun, instantly disassembles it with her intense knowledge of firearms, and tosses it. The knife is dropped, a foot slamming down on Crow’s legs to keep her in place. She then grabs one of Crow’s hands and keeps it at waist level, which leaves her almost dangling. With this held hand, kept firm in place with a strangle on Crow’s wrist, Snow White menacingly reaches her fingers with her free hand. Crack. A screaming yelp erupts from Crow. Snow White is slowly breaking her digits one by one, stopping only to hear Crow’s pained cries.

With the pinky busted, she drops that hand, as a result letting Crow drop to the snow. She’s rolling and letting out animalistic, pained moans as her healthy hand grabs the wounded one. As a worried bystander, Kenshi hopes it stops there. But it doesn’t. She stomps her chest three times, each succession harder than the last. He’s shaking his head. Alice, this whole time, has been diverted by Ludmilla to look away. Counters merely watches in horror at Snow White’s continuing brutality and unfettered rage, gasps erupting from a few. 

She then straddles Crow, fists balled so tight her natural hand became white. There’s no hesitation as she starts swinging. A crack sounds off as her first punch squares Crow in the jaw. The force of it sends her head sideways into the snow. She lets out a guttural, pained grunt. But the Pilgrim can’t hear it over her own heavy breathing. No pause was left till the next swing came. And again. And again. And again.

She’s swinging repeatedly at her face, letting out an angered grunt each time as her breathing gets heavier. The bruises on Crow’s face grow bigger with each swing. Eventually, some blood starts trickling out of her nose. And she won’t stop. She’s like a killing machine, and that’s all on her mind. Kill. Kill. Kill. For Kenshi .

The group of Nikkes hauling said man off are enthralled in a frightened way. They can’t help but watch as she brutally eviscerates Crow. Of course, the only one that wasn’t watching was Ludmilla, as she was too busy shielding Alice from this. Anis and Neon in particular were flinching, Rapi being the only one not affected by it. Neon almost wanted to step forward, but was suddenly stopped by a tight grab to the shoulder. A thin-lipped Anis shook her head. Unwilling or unable to intervene, there was nothing to do but either watch or get moving.

It was the latter they chose. In a way, they should be thankful that the mask of hers is still clasped on, because if it was off, they would see her wild, unseeing eyes. She kept going with such mechanical violence, driven by a motor of pure instinctual fury. Snow White wasn’t even aware of her breathing anymore. Neither the searing pain of the stab wound nor the world around her pulled her out of this pit.

It was as he feared. Her feelings consumed her as a result of her life marred by tragedy. He stared on, silently begging. Stop . Her shoulders shook and heaved as she raised a fist. Please, stop it. Down it went, on a crash course towards her face again. He could no longer hold back.

“Snow, stop!”, he screams again, straining against the surging pain in his lungs. It’s loud enough to make the group carrying him nearly flinch and drop him.

She suddenly halts her swing just before landing it. She remembers. Kenshi . She was doing this for Kenshi. Right? No. She wasn’t. He didn’t want this. He doesn’t want to see her like this. She realizes with a sinking feeling in her heart what she was doing. Her fist uncurls and her hand lowers to her side, a sudden pant breaking out of her. His voice had reached her—like it always did.

Snow White stares at her hands, shaking and covered in blood and her eyes widen as the mask unfolds, revealing her horrified face. She did it again. Her protectiveness, her burning justice. It got the better of her. It consumed her. She nearly had another Mind Switch again…didn’t she? She finally sees with fresh eyes the results of her work as her eyes transition focus from her hands to her victim. There was a battered Crow, now with blackened eyes, bloody nose and mouth, and severe bruises scaring her face. Her chest has become a faint shade of purple, exposing a deep bruise from the stompings. As well, it’s accompanied by the slash wound she gave her earlier. What has she done? She nearly killed her with her bare hands .

It is then in this rush of emotions and awareness she finally feels the deep stab wound and hurls herself off of straddling Crow. She is breathing deeply and shakily as she grips her thigh, looking down to see the blood spill out from the knife exit. Crow must’ve at least got a small cut on one of her major leg arteries. Or well, if you could call it blood or arteries for this machine imitation.  

Anis and Neon turn to the others frantically, realizing now is the time to act to preserve her. The slightly chubby brunette takes the helm. “We’ll handle her. Get Commander to the ship now ! Make sure Mary and Pepper know to use extra discretion. They got a Pilgrim coming.”

They release their own grip slowly on Kenshi as they transfer all duties of transporting him to the trio of Rapi, Alice, and Ludmilla with a literal hand-off. With that task complete, Anis and Neon bound off towards the injured Snow White. Rapi wastes no time to press a button on the headset in her ear that the other three just now notice her wearing. She’s looking up at the circling ship. “Landing zone is safe. Repeat. Landing zone green. Watch for our signal. Heads up, we may have extra cargo.”

A voice could be heard from the radio. “Copy. Waiting.”

Rapi pulled from her tool belt a giant red stick: a flare. She pulls off the cap which is used to light it, striking the material against the top. Its end erupted into a bright red flame with equally red smoke. She tosses it into the snow not too far from them. “Ludmilla, watch for the ship. Alice, keep your eyes on the Commander. I’ll look out for Raptures. They might come after all the noise we made.”

Alice doesn’t hesitate to stare directly at the Commander as Ludmilla takes her sight to the skies. “Rabbity!”, she calls out, noticing his heaving as his earlier screamings and pushes to calm Snow White took a number on him. His hair is messier, his breathing a deeper wheeze, and his rhythm was off. “Please don’t go, Rabbity…Kenshi…”, she sadly coos as she holds him tighter and nuzzles into his neck. “I don’t care if I’m not the one for you. You’re still my best friend…you could’ve told me. I wouldn’t have been mad.”, her voice cracks from the tears streaming down her face. “Why…”

Rapi hears this, her only reaction being that she lowers her head and stares at the snow for a second before refocusing on her surroundings with more intensity. “That’s right…”, she mumbles to herself. Ludmilla smiles with pride at the two.

“It’s okay, Alice. Servant will be just fine.”, she reassures the twin-tailed wondrous girl. She dare not let it leak as part of her noblesse oblige, but her composure betrays the swirl of emotions internally. She understood better than anyone the dangers of secrecy and a Nikke's love. “He’ll be able to tell you everything soon.”

Meanwhile, Anis and Neon finally rejoin the major group, carrying a panting Snow White in a faux stretcher position by holding her shoulders and feet. Her form dangled and swayed near the ground as the two halted. “We’re back.”, Anis pants. “What do we do about Crow?”

Kenshi tries to speak, but finds himself straining to say a single word after those screams. Hell, he’s straining to stand up properly. In his stead, Ludmilla pipes up, patting him on the front as if to tell him to stop speaking. “Leave that to us.”

“Are you sure?”, Rapi turns and asks, motioning over with her head to a still modestly upset Alice with her eyes. Even with her comforting as she shushes Alice, the Ice Queen notices this. She stares at the bunny-obsessed girl, who’s currently silently crying with closed eyes as if in contemplation, still keeping her head under his chin and her hold tight. 

It’s here their ride finally arrives overhead. As the dropship slowly approaches the ground, snow begins to slowly whisk away from the forces of wind kicking up everything around it. Ludmilla silently sighs. Still facing Alice, she calls to her over the loud engines. “Do you wish to go with Servant?”

She suddenly opens her eyes and faces Ludmilla with pleading eyes, nodding with vigor as she holds back more tears. “So it shall be then.”, she states, turning to Rapi. “I’m aware Absolute is here. If they are staying to ensure your safe departure, I will entrust them to assist me with cleanup.”

Alice trembles into a smile. “Th-thank you, Queen!”, she sniffles. Ludmilla simply nods in reply.

The dropship finally lands with a small thud. Out of the swinging side doors come the members of Absolute, brandishing their weapons. The sharp-tongued, black haired de-facto leader barrels out with a drawn sniper rifle. “Hurry and get Weakling and the Pilgrim inside.”, Eunhwa barks out over the sound of the aircraft. “We spotted incoming Raptures.”

“Do you mind staying with Ludmilla and assisting her?”, Rapi asks quickly. 

Emma peeks out from behind her with Vesti in tow, smiles widely, and gives a thumbs up. “Sure thing! We expected to come home on foot anyway.”, she states cheerfully. Vesti meekly waves at Rapi, which she returns with a smile.

“Thank you.”, Rapi nods her head at her former comrades. “I’ll leave it to you then.”

“Whatever, just get going.”, the sniper of Absolute says with complete irritation.

“S-see you, Rapi.”, Vesti does her best to speak, but it’s drowned out by the ship’s engines.

Rapi changes to move to carrying her commander by his right shoulder, replacing Ludmilla’s position. In coordination with Alice, they waste no time in easily picking him up and start speed walking into the ship. As they set him down on the seating and let him lay, Kenshi in his head doesn’t care about anything else. He’s focused entirely on his majestic Pilgrim girlfriend of whom he isn’t seeing right now. 

Peeking outside the door, he finds her and witnesses Snow White get up, shoving off help from an insistent yet offended Anis as she limps towards him. She wastes no time in taking a seat right next to him, her thigh just mere inches from his head. The rest of the Counters jump in behind her, taking the seats near the front of the craft next to Alice and Rapi, whom the latter is assisting the former in drying her tears. The doors groan as they close and let off a click as the electronic latch finishes. With a lurch pulling down on them, they’re off into the sky and beyond. Not much long after, a sudden loud whirr from outside and a boom signals the machine exiting VTOL mode and becoming a regular flightcraft.

With this, everyone sighs with relief as they can feel their shoulders that were high tension loosen to relaxation. Snow White, knowing the jig is up now, finds herself instinctively propping his head up on her lap and stroking his hair with nothing but the gentlest of movements. A stark contrast to the harsh beatdown they all witnessed earlier. She has a tight contorted look on her face as she stares deeply into his eyes, hoping he will soothe her guilt.

“I’m so sorry.”, she whispers to him. “I nearly lost myself there. If it wasn’t for you, I’d…”

“That’s why…I’m here…with you…isn’t…it?”, he softly speaks as his eyelids flutter closed, exhaustion taking over. He didn’t even notice the serious fatigue he accumulated throughout the entire ordeal. When it all comes crashing down on him, he passes out one last time and lands on the safety and comfort of her shoulders. It was well deserved after all that happened, he figured.

Chapter Text

Once again the commander awakens slowly, but is immediately hit with a flashbang of white. White lights, white floors, white walls. Even the bed in which he’s placed is white. It’s enough to remind him of his beloved in a strange way, but the more pressing feeling is that of nearly being blinded. Before he passed out, he was in low lighting, so to be greeted by such a sight is quite upsetting for his senses. 

Yet that wouldn’t be the only one, unfortunately. As he comes to, he then notices a small itch evolving into an uncomfortable pain. It’s here he notices, peeking out from the soft and warm cloth blankets are casts. Thankfully, these were not pure white like everything else in the room and were more like an off-white heading towards beige. Wait, casts? Didn’t he have those Nikke braces on? He also spots the IV in his well arm.

The pain underneath these casts was confusing to him as well. This wasn’t a type of surge resulting from the position his injured and plastered limbs were in. His arm was bent in a right angle, kept in a sling over his shoulder. His leg meanwhile was totally straight, propped up by a contraption attached to his bed and angled downward as if to keep the blood away via an uphill battle. He’s been in these before, so what on Earth is with this pain?

As the grogginess fades and his normal quick wit and reasoning returns to him, he realizes now what’s going on. He’s had this sensation before. They’re stitches. Kenshi is starting to remember too why they would even be there. He was shot by Crow, and the bullet went clean through on both ends, hence the sensation being on complete opposites. But why did he feel something strange under his leg?

It seems his timing for awakening is perfect, as the two figures he noticed around him were getting clearer. The black and red beret with the very long blonde hair leaning over his bed, shoulders rising gently as her face was smothered in the bed comfortably. That was Rapi. It looks like she stayed with him overnight and slept there, seeing as how no one else was around. No Anis, Neon, or Alice in sight. Well, at least none of them in the immediate vicinity. 

When he spots a tinge of pink, he thinks it could be his wonderland-deluded friend, only to find he was seeing things. No, the pink was just a ponytail swinging around. Spotting the white sweater that extended down past her shorts, making it seem like it was her only clothing on, he recognized her instantly. This was Pepper, one of the medical Nikkes that works in the hospital at the Outpost. It’s here everything clicks and he understands the situation. He’s been admitted here and administered care while he was out. When he sees the pocket of afternoon sunshine peeking in through the curtained windows, he glances over and wonders how long he’s been out.

A small, quiet gasp escapes from the medic’s lips as she struts over closer to him. He turns towards her to see her face, alit with both concern and relief. “Commander, hey. You’re up.”, she smiles gently towards him, whispering as if to not wake Rapi.

He inhales deeply, wincing with a bit of pain and slight grunt. The weakness of before may have been gone, but he definitely still wasn’t fully recovered. “Hey, Pepper.”,  he whispers back, just thankful he’s not so slow in his speech anymore. “What’s up?”

She shrugs, shyly grinning as she suggests over him with a movement of her eyes. “Oh, just doing my routine. Taking care of you while it’s my turn.”

He smiled. “Ah. Thanks.”

She’s suddenly pouting and furrowing her brows at him, which makes him lean back into his pillow. “Y’know, I oughta chew you out, Commander! What did I tell you last time you were in here?!”, she huffs out. “Next thing I know you come back days later and you’re worse!”

Kenshi inhales through his teeth. “I know, and I’m sorry. But it wasn’t my fault this time, honest. Somebody did this to me.”

Pepper’s face blanks and she blinks rapidly in surprise. “My gosh. Who?”

He rolls his eyes. “Crow. Didn’t anyone tell you?”

That face she just cleared herself of? It’s back, only this time even more frustrated. “Oh! That terrible…”, she trails off, shaking her head. “And no. Quite frankly everyone was in too much shock. When I asked, they all wouldn’t look at me straight.”, she then points to the sleeping beauty next to him. “She was the only one willing to face me and give me injury details. But I never got the full story.”

Why on Earth would…oh, right. Now he remembers. Right before they left on that airship, a lot of major things happened. Snow White nearly lost her sanity beating the tar out of Crow after she went and exposed their relationship to half of Unlimited and his squad, Counters. He turns to stare at Rapi with a look of worry donning his features. She might’ve been the only one to brave Pepper and Mary with what his ailments were and stay with him while he slept, but he can’t imagine how hurt she is right now. Or anyone else involved in that catastrophe for that matter. 

Which reminds him. “Hey, wasn’t somebody else admitted here?”, he asked, his memory recalling she too was injured. However, he omitted any mention of her name to make it seem like just his usual nice self being worried for others’ safety as opposed to creating suspicion.

She smiles brightly at him. “Yep. Snow White, that Pilgrim. She’s just fine. The stab wound, despite all the blood it drew, was minor. Mary and I fixed it up quick.”, she still beams with pride. “Nothing major was hit. But we estimate it’ll still be another day at least until she’s walking again with no worries. For now, we’re having her take it easy.”

He raises a brow. “How’d you manage to keep her still?”, he wonders in a low tone. Last time a Pilgrim came into the hospital, it was an overly drunken Scarlet. After treatment, she escaped out the window before it was over, even knowing that Seraphim wouldn’t follow protocol and report when they had a Pilgrim. 

She giggles in a low volume. “Simple, we just keep her fed. The cafe cooks are running overtime.”

He snorts. “Why am I not surprised?” She always did have an unending appetite. It didn’t matter how gross you thought a food was; if it was edible, Snow White would feast on it. 

“Mary says it seems like something else is keeping her there too.”, she noted, finger on her lips in thought. “Neither of us can figure out what it is, though. And Mary’s pretty observant.”

Not a word came out of his mouth in reaction to his, and he suppressed any facial reactions. He just simply nodded with a neutral expression as if also contemplating the reasons why. He didn’t need to however, considering he already knows he is the reason she insists on staying. Even if he felt much better right now, he didn’t feel like breaking the news to any more people. He’d rather focus what little energy he has on dealing with the group that already got exposed to it.

“Hm.”, he hums.

“What about you though?”, she asks urgently. “How are you doing right now? When you were conscious a night ago, you were in terrible shape.”, and just like that she switches from friendly chatter into work mode. “Tell me everything.”

“Well…”, he inhales. “I don’t feel like coughing my lungs out anymore and I can talk normally, but it still hurts to breathe. I’m getting pain from what I think are the stitches underneath my casts. I’m also still a bit dizzy and have a light headache.”

She’s nodding and quickly jotting things down with a stylus and a tablet, intensely focused on his words. “Okay. Well, it sounds like an overall improvement, but I’ll be sure to have Mary get painkillers in your IV since my shift is about to end soon here.”, she tells him. 

“Can I ask some questions?”

“Go right ahead, Commander.”

“It feels like there’s something underneath my leg. What happened?”

She looks up and sighs. “We had to do emergency surgery on your leg vein since a small tear happened. Even though Snow White did excellent first aid and the snow did wonders, your wounds were still very much open.”, she begins to explain. “The moment you were getting warmed up to stop hypothermia, your blood vessels opened up again. So you slowly started bleeding again. You screaming and coughing and talking didn’t help either. All that movement and whatnot must’ve caused it.”

“Huh.”, he acknowledges aloud. “So that’s why I felt so weak…”

She nods. “Yep. You lost a lot of blood without even knowing it.”, she’s back to pouty face and wagging her finger at him. “I don’t know what drove you to do all this but I sure hope it was worth it.”

It was. In a way . He responds without saying a word. He’ll admit that as terrifying as it was to see Snow White in that state, it was satisfying to see Crow get her just desserts. He knows she only did it to protect him, but man if it didn’t frighten him. The commander almost wonders what would happen if one day said anger was directed towards him. Not that he thinks it would ever happen, she was too strong to get corrupted anyhow. But still…

“On top of that, Crow put a lot of drugs in your system!”, she huffs out in frustration. “We almost considered pulling out the narcan had you not easily come off that high.”, she puts a hand on her shoulder. “Because of that, you’re going to have to stay longer just so we can detox everything out of your system, okay?”

“Okay. That’s fine.”, he nods at her.

She smiles sweetly. “Knowing how fast you heal, you’ll be out in no time. Once you’re all better, you’ll have to give me and Mary the full story!”

He returns it, but his was more bittersweet than hers. It was all because he knew he’d have to break the news to those two as well. “For sure.”

“One last thing…how long have I been out?”

She wastes no time. “A whole day in about…30 minutes.”, she states while looking at the clock. He could whistle had there been no sleeping Rapi next to him. He notices her perking up before writing some last things down and waving at him. “Well, my shift ends here. I’ll head off to lunch break. Mary will be taking care of you the rest of the day.”, she points to the hospital bed remote’s button.  “Just push that button if you need us, okay?”, she rubs his healthy right arm tenderly before heading off in a quick saunter.

Now he was alone again. Or well, not really alone. He had Rapi there, still fast asleep with not a care in the world. He lets out a sigh of content as he decides to reach for the remote and turn on the TV to entertain himself, now that he’s awake and all. Luckily, it’s muted so he’s not hit with sound from the speaker of the device, and decides not to for the sake of the girl next to him. Hitting another marked button, he turns on the closed captioning and watches what’s on. 

His eyes beam and sparkle at the show he just landed on. He was a little upset, knowing that on the block he just missed the show, but he didn't mind. Kenshi sets it to record anyhow given his squad’s busy tendencies. This show was also recorded, but he got the rare opportunity of a lifetime to see it broadcasted live. Maybe he’d win one of those contests and get that prize—oh, wait. He still doesn’t have his phone . Or at least, a new replacement. Nevermind. At least he can revel in this moment.

It seems he caught it just as the opening was starting. A shame he’d miss the previous minute or so, but that usually just recaps the last episode anyways. The visuals show a man in a similar outfit to him, but with a more groomed and shorter hairstyle. A couple more men also dressed in the same military garb, each facing their backs against each other as they looked at their own small group of girls on top of a helipad on a skyscraper. As it spun around them, the captions of a narrator showed phrase by phrase as the show’s logo faded.

In a world prevailed by darkness, failing to inherit it from those before, three heroic men and their Nikkes set out to save the world in their own ways. This is the tale of the Ark Rider: Nexus!

Music notes showed on the captioning as the lyrics for the opening song came on. Kenshi quietly sang it to himself in hums, as even a single word would cause a volume increase unintentionally. It began to remind him of whenever he watched this show after Ark Rangers with Counters, they’d break out into song as if they didn’t just sing their heart out for the Rangers’ opening and endings. 

Reach out for the light with your hands

Grasp it and never let go

That hope you so wish to hold

In this world we keep fighting [KEEP FIGHTING ON!]

Through the trials and the lies

Just to find something we wish won’t be disguised

[YET WE CAN NEVER FIND OUR WAY!]

He can almost hear Noise’s angelic, emotional singing over this opening. The commander remembers so proudly when he heard that this season was being helmed not just by her, but was collaborating with hip hop star Volume, who produced back up vocals and the rap part. He can almost do it verbatim by now, even with her insane rhythm, speed, and rhymes making it almost a tongue twister. 

Dive into your emotions

Keep the world in motion

Never stop, don’t stop

Break through it, commotion

Heartbreak to heartbreak

And dust to dust

Find that glass ceiling, raise your fist, let it bust

It’s taking him back for sure to happier times. Especially when one night he showed it to Snow White and she looked at him, simultaneously amused and confused. The excitement in his tone after he showed her the first episode and the absolute swell he felt when she said it was good. Talking about the things she liked about it in her usual tone. How it appealed to her more than Ark Rangers, but still appreciating that show’s heartfelt emotions and childlike fun. He felt so good inside to be able to share his hobby and have her start to relate. 

But the mere thought of that and the memories of Counters crashed down on him like a collapsing building when he realized the gravity of it all. Crow revealed everything dear to him that he wished to keep it a secret. He knows Anis so boldly claimed that it didn’t matter, that they would never abandon him. That much he knew was true, but it was foolish to think anything about their relationship would be the same after that. For that, the fleeting joy washed away from his face and temporarily distracted him from the end of the opening which displayed the usual Tetra brand sponsors before going to a quick commercial break.

He lets out a sigh, looking over at Rapi to see her lurch up from her position and start cracking her back and neck. Kenshi turned to stone, muttering to himself and thinking all his pondering must’ve made him move a lot unwittingly. There was a hope within that he wasn’t the one who awoke her. 

She stretches upwards and yawns, rubbing the tired out of her eyes and blinking. With a smack of the lips, she turned towards Kenshi expecting him to still be asleep. She is however thrown for a loop and immediately sits at attention with wide eyes when she notices him awake and currently staring at her.

“Commander!...”, she lets out a stiff greeting and doesn’t move an inch, not even to salute him. “You…you’re up.”

He chuckles. “Yep.”, and then waves at her. “Afternoon, Rapi.”

“Afternoon?”, she asks, turning towards the clock. It read as being near 12:30. “I’m sorry, Commander. I wasn’t up when Pepper arrived. I—”, she turns back to him and starts listing off what she did wrong, but Kenshi holds up a hand.

“It’s fine. You kept a good eye on me.”, he reassures her, slowly putting his hand down at his side. “After everything that happened, you deserved that sleep. We all did.”

Her face becomes dejected and those entrancing red eyes of her meet her lap, where she clasps her hands together. “...Right.”

“Thanks for coming so quickly to rescue me. I owe you again.”, he says in an attempt to cheer her up.

“It’s nothing.”, she replies with courtesy, meeting his eyes for a second before darting away again.  “It’s our duty to. And…after everything we’ve been through…we can’t let you die on us.”

He smiles, knowing that she’s communicating to him in her own special way that he’s precious to them, and to her. “I still want to thank you for that. And for staying with me.”

She nods silently, still not wanting to face him directly. Rapi takes in a breath, adjusting her gloves as she glances all about the room, even catching the episode of Ark Rider on the TV. 

He sits there silently, trying to think of a way to get her talking again. This pause was killing him inside in so many ways, and he knew Rapi was going through a lot. He wanted to get through this while he had her here. Admittedly, he must’ve been moving too quickly or still not thinking straight from the pain, of which Mary had yet to come and dole his medicine. For some reason, he wasn’t satisfied with leaving it at that and just had to keep her talking. At the moment he notices she’s engrossed in the show. He calls out her name softly and she turns to meet him, only to avert her gaze to his hands the second they do.

“I also want to say I’m sorry for worrying you like that.”

She shakes her head. “It wasn’t your fault. Crow orchestrated everything. We should’ve run tighter security and checked up on you more often.”, he’s happy she’s at least talking to him again now, even if the voice is entirely her usual professional manner. He doesn’t notice the awkwardness to it, or the attempted lack of affection or emptiness in her tone. “When I… we saw you…I can’t describe it. All of us were scared for you. That’s why we had to act.”

He once again says things without thinking through. “Yea, I remember. Snow White made it pretty clear to me while I was stuck in that bunker.”

Here he finally took notice of his mistake as he saw her tighten up and shift from side to side in her seat. It was small, but not so minute he could miss it. He curses himself for this, completely forgetting the situation at hand. He knew Rapi was easily the most attracted and tender towards him, he said so to Snow White himself! The memories flood back in of all the little touches she would give him and the doting looks hidden behind that stern face. Damn it all, he made a stupid move.

He sighs. “I…I apologize.”

“For what?”, she asks, hands gripping her jacket. “There’s nothing to apologize about, Ken—Commander.”, she almost slips out the name she learned, forgetting herself that she’s not the one for him. No, she didn’t earn such a privilege. She releases her jacket and her hands move on her thighs as if to push her fingers into the gloves.

It just heightens the tension of the situation. “No…there is. There definitely is.”

“I don’t understand what you need to be so apologetic about, Commander.”, she points out to him, still refusing to glance in his direction. 

“Rapi.”, he whines softly. 

“No. I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.”, she insists. She always did this. Insisting that his treatment of her was not necessary. You don’t need to buy us food, Nikkes don’t need it to live. You don’t have to let us shower, Nikkes don’t need to be clean. She was starting to break from that recently, and now it seems after the shock she got delivered last night, that barrier comes right back up to guard her from the heartbreak. 

He only knows one way to respond, and it’s what she loved about him. His gentle honesty. “Rapi, I can tell you’re not. Please, just look at me and tell me what’s going on.”

She’s silent, shutting her eyes tight as her lips contort, turning her head away from him.

“Rapi.”, he calls out carefully.

She’s gripping the fabric of her stockings for dear life. It’s like she doesn’t want to face it.

“Rapi…please. Talk to me.”

“...I don’t think you want to hear it, Commander.”

“No, I do. That’s why I’m asking.”, he states boldly in a matter-of-fact tone. 

“Don’t you think your ignorance would be bliss?”

“Hell no.”, he affirms. “I don’t believe in that. If there’s anything I’ve learned, ignorance is pain. I’d rather be hurt now than kill myself slowly because I don’t know.”

Her defensive walls that try so hard to keep shutting him out are ultimately failing. The blonde has no idea where this is all even coming from. She thinks she’s just trying to protect her Commander whom she adores, but this couldn’t be farther from the truth. Even now, Rapi believes there is truth to what Kenshi’s opinion is of such a cliche statement. 

Her chokehold on her stockings release as she is now grabbing at her thighs. If she had nails, they would be digging deep into her manufactured flesh, enough to draw blood. Instead, they grow red at the grasp she holds as her body begins to shake. She’s never held such fear before in her life, she thinks to herself. Rapi’s stared down everything from high level Rapture to powerful Heretics, and yet she cowers before the barrel of the gun named “Feelings”. 

“Do you really want to know?”, she asks with final confirmation, hoping for some kind of comfort. “Aren’t you afraid that things will never be the same again?”

He sits with silence before he exhales. “They already aren’t.” 

She stiffens again.

“But, y’know…”, he stares at her as gently as his gaze can let on as his well hand holds on lightly to the hospital bed handle. “...I’m okay with that. Just because one door closes, it doesn’t mean the rest will follow.”

She curses inwardly. There he goes again with that strength of his indomitable spirit he has. That was one of the very things that made her feel this way towards him. It was such a harsh reminder, hearing Snow White’s name and seeing this aspect of him in full force. He was right, too. She too wanted to gain closure on this door, and the others she held open with questions she harbored for him after witnessing the cat getting let out of the bag. Even the ones she buried because she was more concerned for his safety.

Rapi takes in a deep, phasing breath that shook as it exited her lungs. She knew it wouldn’t be easy. “Commander…”, she starts, “...I…I don’t know how to say this. I’m not very good with these things.”

“It’s okay.”, he waits patiently. “Take your time.”

“It’s just…for a while now, you…”,  she trails off. Another breath. “Since not long after we began to become Counters…you meant a lot to me…and…for a while now, I…”

Silence fills the area as a single tear begins to shed from her eyes. “I love you, Commander.”,  she blurts out, finally losing the composure she always spends all day keeping up. Her shoulders shake violently as she finally turns to him with her eyes clouded with tears. “Did you know that?”

He sighs, taking on his own dejection and staring at her eyes. The words are caught in his throat. For somebody who was so gung-ho about this, he too finds himself on a tough snag. The pause is pregnant, but not as long as the last. “I won’t lie. I figured, yes. It was subtle but…I caught the way you doted on me.”

“Then why?”, she suddenly and forwardly asks. “Why her? You knew how I felt but chose her. What am I lacking that she has?”

“Rapi…”, he calls out her name and attempts to reach out with his hand only for her to jerk back in response. 

“I always did my best to protect you. I wanted to be someone you could count on.”, she continued, silently crying and letting out sharp but shaky inhales. “Yet…why? You even gave her your name , Commander. Why can’t any of us know it? Why can’t I know it?”

“Rapi, you never lacked anything.”, he was straight to the point, cutting through the thick atmosphere. “You’re an amazing woman and to me you’re irreplaceable. You know I never see you as just a Nikke…you’re still special to me.” He lets out a big sigh and reaches out again, slower this time. “What happened with Snow White…it just sort of…happened. She may have  won my heart, Rapi, but you’re still someone I can trust and depend on.”

“What am I to you, then?”, she stares directly into his eyes, tears still falling without a sound.

“You’re still something special to me. All of you in Counters are.”, he explains as best he can. “I can’t describe it. But just know that.”

She stays silent and still refuses to get close to him. “...Did you ever love me back?”

“I did.”, he answered with no hesitation. “Had things been different…it’d be us together.”

All breathing stopped in that moment as Rapi turned as if frozen solid. More tears were flowing in reaction, yet not a single sound was made. She finally meets his stare head-on, even her vision was marred by her crying. The room was filled with nothing but hums and beeps of medical machines, and the clacks of distant footsteps. Internally, the cool head of Counters doesn’t know how to feel.

She’s torn between being glad that she at least stood a chance, but also felt a sharp stab from the brutal honesty knowing she missed it. From her point of view, Kenshi was the one that got away. Despite knowing he was typically not one to fib (he was terrible at it anyways), she almost didn’t believe it. The arms of her jacket move as she wipes away her tears. 

Her voice wavered as she finally spoke, her tone still alight with sincerity. “...Do you mean that?”

“Yeah.”, he nods, somber but unwavering in his resolve and still reaching out his hand for her. “I’m sorry it’s not me, but anyone would be the luckiest man in the world to have you. You’re strong, reliable, and selfless.”

“Commander…”, her voice starts to crack. 

“Even if we’re not like that,” he adds, “I’m grateful to have you in my life, Rapi.”

She finally takes hold of his single hand in both of hers, clasping it tight as her tears finish. Those walls of her feel as if they’re shattering to smithereens. “I…I understand. It hurts, but I get it.”, she admits, mirroring Kenshi’s own complete honesty at this moment. “Knowing you felt something for me at all…that’s enough for me, I suppose.”

“Things between us might be different now, but one thing didn’t change.”, he squeezes with carte. “You’re still important to me. If I didn’t know you…”, he interrupts himself with a chuckle. “...with how many times you saved my life? There wouldn’t be a “me” to love.”

As her tears slow to a stop, she joins in his chuckle. She shakes her head in disbelief as she looks at the blankets on him. “Even while I’m selfishly crying over not having you…you’re still willing to be honest and think of me.”, Rapi mutters to herself. “It’s not fair.”

“I said I’m sorry. I’ll say it again.”, he jiggles his arm around and slightly shakes her. She turns to him with a sad smile. One of her hands releases his as it goes to cup his face. The black and red wearing Nikke gets up from the chair and leans towards him. She plants a soft kiss on his cheek.

“Don’t be.”, she states with a sad laugh, lightly rubbing her thumb on the spot she left. Kenshi stares dumbfounded. “It’s why I fell in love in the first place.”, she says in a low tone. 

He’s still gobsmacked by the final gesture. As she releases her hand off his left cheek, he touches that exact spot she kissed in an awkward manner with his right arm. He looks at her as she still has a sad expression contrasting her usual proud standing posture. A faint blush creeps over her cheek. 

“Consider it a favor.”, she states, answering a question before he can even ask it. “It’ll cancel out the memory of Crow dirtying your cheek and let Snow White override that.”, even her smile is still as sad as ever.

“Um…thanks.”, he states both absentmindedly and sheepishly. “Will you be okay?”

“I’ll…need some time.”, she replies, starting to turn away from him, both hands staying firm at her sides. “I’ll return. I meant it back then when I said I’ll never stop protecting you.”

“I know you did.”, he nods. “I always trust you.”

Her smile is bright again this time, which puts ease on Kenshi’s soul to know she won’t depart with bitter tears anymore. “Thank you, Commander. Until then…”, she starts walking off towards the exit, but then suddenly stops before the door. “If Snow White finds out I kissed you…tell her I’m sorry. And congratulations.”

The fool shifts around in his bed as if he wanted to get up, and only causes himself some pain and discomfort. He only sees her back, but even then still nods. “Don’t worry. She’ll understand…see you again, Rapi.”

“See you.”, she turns around a full 180 and gives a forlorn salute to him. He missed that gesture so much. Even though his heartstrings pulled while seeing her go, he knew it had to happen eventually. It was like Snow White once said during the camping trip’s explosive finale. He had to let them down, or else keep up this charade and really break their heart into pieces. Damn if it didn’t hurt though.

The door clicks and slides open, clicking again once it shuts behind her. He stares at the empty space she left, feeling the same within. Kenshi lets out a loud sigh as his free hand rummages through his hair and he sinks deeper into the bed. It seemed Snow White wasn’t the only one in the relationship to spiral into a whirlpool of regret. He loved Snow White, no doubts or regrets there, but much like Rapi, he was left wondering as to what that world of those two would look like. He shook it out of his head the moment his pain from his sutures started pinging again. How long until Mary came in with his medicine again?

Speaking of the devil, a voice comes from around the corner of the open door. “Oh, Rapi, heading out then? Bye bye!”

In comes the angel of blue of Seraphim, Mary. Kenshi can feel a gulp hit down his throat and strike his Adam’s Apple. She may be gentle on the outside, but he knows this “angel” has a bit of a sadist side. Especially if he even shows the slightest hint of disobeying her orders. He’s sure Mary’s going to give him a run for his money if Pepper’s scolding was anything to go by. Kenshi just knew whatever Pepper felt, Mary had it tenfold. He wasn’t much of a religious man, but he prayed he wouldn’t face the “Black Devil” tonight.

“Right, looks like I’m handling you until Pepper gets you again tomorrow.”, she puts on a soft grin. “Oh, and I brought the medication you requested. Hope you’re not squeamish~.”, she pulls out a syringe with a needle and lightly flicks it with her hand. He’s not afraid of them at all, but after everything he’s been through, he’s starting to really hate them . After a hitched breath, he lets out a slight groan through his nose. At the least, he’s relaxing to see she’s under that persona.

“Relax, Commander. It won’t be like that. It’s going straight through your IV, I promise.”, she tilts her head at him in a caring manner as she goes to work taking off the IV drip cap and inserting the syringe. “Did I scare you?”, she giggles lightly as she plunges the medicine slowly and carefully through his veins. 

“No.”

She looks at the medicine in her hands and suddenly gasps in mock horror. “Oh no! My mistake—this one’s supposed to be injected in your butt!”

He stiffens, face twisting into a horrified, puckering cringe. 

“Kidding~.”, she laughs warmly, patting his shoulder lightly. “Hope I didn’t cross a line.”

“Too far, Mary. Too far.”

A hop. A step. A hop. A hop. And another one. As the door clicks open, hours later Kenshi, around 4 PM, gets his second visitor of the day. Contented and self-amusing humming sounded out and with a final bunny hop, she then squeals with glee upon seeing a much healthier looking Commander. 

“Rabbity! You’re much better!”, she exclaims, completely ecstatic. It’s here Kenshi notices she’s in a more casual uniform than her usual outfit. The pink suit has been replaced with a white one that almost looks like stockings, and has a rabbit brand logo on it. Also on her was a pink and white hoodie, a purse slung over her shoulders. She didn’t have gloves on, and wore white sneakers with the rabbit logo again and pink and white striped tube socks. Instead of the pink headset with bunny ears, she had on a white hat with tiny bunny ears extending from it, with convenient holes for her twin tails to pop through. Of which, golden rings floated around. Quite frankly, it was an adorable outfit completely fitting her.

Her sneakers made little squeaks on the floor as she excitedly scooted towards his bed and reached out to pull him into a tight hug. Or well, as tight as she can give him anyways. She didn’t want to hurt him at all after what he’s been through. He returned the gesture and laughed.

“Hi, Alice.”

She released it and gasped with surprise. “Oh my gosh! You can speak now!”, she proclaimed, smiling widely before hugging him again. She released it and circled around to the left side to take the seat where Rapi once was. “I’m so glad you’re okay, Rabbity!”

He returns the bright smile that betrays his inner thoughts. Last he recalls, Alice was absolutely in tears last night, so it surprises him to see her so chipper. Kenshi also notices she’s not calling him by name, which brings to note this issue he shoved down with Rapi. Should Snow White hold the only privilege of calling him by his name? Well, he’d have to shove it down for later when she comes around later. If she comes around, anyways.

Meanwhile, she’s just looking at him in complete infatuation and awe at his recovery. Total smiles, and nothing but. He’d be lying if he didn’t think at times to be jealous of that holdfast optimism and innocence. The commander always thought of himself as an optimist, but compared to her, he was nothing. She truly had the capability to see the bright side in everything…if only because she was totally innocent, borderline delusional, and didn’t know any better.

“How have you been, Rabbity? And where’s Rapi? I don’t see her anywhere.”, she fires off questions in curiosity. 

“I’ve uh…well, like you said, I’m getting better.”, he nervously rubs his head with his non-casted hand, that tic of his rearing again. “Rapi…well, she left.”

Alice blinks and gaps. “Wow! Really? Why?”, the three letter sentences compound in rapid fire. “She was so sure about staying with you. She said, “No, I don’t want to leave him!” and everything!”

It just reminds him of the earlier conversation, and how she left with drying tears and a final kiss. This made his heart sting even more, and though he tried not to show it, evidently he was bad at hiding it. Alice was piqued, her head tilting and her lips puckered like a curious cat. 

“Rabbity? What’s wrong? You’re all gloomy now.”, she keeps asking. “Did…something bad happen with Rapi?”

He shakes his head emphatically. “No. Nothing bad.”, he assures. “It was…a bit complicated, though.”

She leans in towards him. “How so?”

He takes a deep breath. “Well…”, he pauses. “There was nothing bad between us. But…given the Snow White thing it made us both kinda…sad?”, he says, racking his brain trying to find a way to communicate this to Alice. Speaking of such mature things with her was a bit difficult. 

She’s now leaning back in her chair, looking away in her own contemplation. “She was sad…”, she repeats, her pink eyes returning to his browns. “...you were sad too?”

“I…I guess.”, he shrugs. 

“Why?”

He inhaled, wondering if he should even be halfway honest with her. Should he keep mincing his words? If he tells her something Ludmilla doesn’t want her knowing, he’d be in for a whooping of the century. It’d be like a mother finding out that the big brother accidentally taught his little sister how to cuss. He shudders at the mere thought of it all. So then, how to approach it?

“Okay…lemme put it like this.”, he starts. “You learned last night that me and Snow White are together, right? You know now that we love each other very much.”

She nods, a slight hint of disappointment in her look clouding her for a brief moment. However, it wasn’t caught by Kenshi, as he’s too focused on how to break it down to Alice without giving her the birds and the bees talk. “Yes.”

“Because we love each other very much, we want to devote ourselves to each other. If we loved someone else other than each other, that’d be a bad thing.”

“Yes, I know.”, she nods. “That’s cheating, right?”

He raises a brow at her. “How do you know that?”

“I saw it once on TV. It was an ArkRangers episode.”, she answers plainly. “ArkBlue was really upset that Red's dad cheated on his mom! And that’s why they were half-brothers! I felt really sad for Blue.”

“Oh yea, that episode.”, he remarks, relieved it wasn’t by more…salacious means. It was quite a doozy, after the reveal that Red’s dad was one of the enemy generals. They just kept pounding viewers with heart throbbing reveal after reveal that season. Anis got really upset when Exia spoiled that little detail about Red’s father too! It nearly threw the Command Tower into a loud tussle during Counters’ group watch party when they watched the episode Alice mentioned. 

“Wait…you’re not cheating on Snow White, are you, Rabbity?!”, she bursts out, eyes wide with panic and her bunny ears flopping, nearly sending the chair flying backwards as she shoots up. 

“No no no!”, Kenshi replies in a frenzy, hoping Snow White wasn’t in a nearby room to hear that. “That’s not what’s happening!”

“Oh!”, she sighs with relief. “Thank goodness. I knew you wouldn’t, Rabbity!”

“Then why did you yell it out…”, he grumbles as Alice takes back her seat. He refocuses. “What happened, Alice, is that Rapi confessed she loved me.”

She gasps at the revelation. “Oh, so that’s why she was sad!”

He nods slowly in exasperation. “Yes. She’s sad because she knows I’m with Snow White and she missed her chance. That’s all.”

Despite this answer, Alice still has some brows raised and looks confused. “But then…Rabbity…”, she nervously tucks her lips and touches her index fingers together. All the while she nervously shuffles in her seat; her eyes glancing over his casts, bandages, and various medical devices strapped to him. “...why are you sad?”

Silence enters the room, its void being filled by the beeps of vital monitors. An audible deep breath exits from Kenshi’s nostrils. He clears his throat. “Well…it made me feel bad having to break her heart. At some point, before me and Snow White were together, I loved her back. It’s just…”, he lets out a sigh, “...Snow White I guess…beat her to the punch.”

“...Do you wish you had chosen Rapi instead?”, she asks with a quiet voice. She probably has no idea the depths of what she’s asking and is just genuinely curious as she always is. But it still shot an arrow right through his heart. He didn’t really want to think about these things when he’s supposed to be in a happy relationship with a wonderful Pilgrim. 

“I don’t regret the choice I made.”, he shakes his head. “I’m happy with Snow White. I love her dearly. What we have is something special, more than just a best friend or a family member. I wouldn’t give that up for the world.”

She looks down to the ground from him again and places her hands on the edge of the seat as she starts swinging her legs. Silently, almost dejectedly, she gains the courage to ask more of him. “Rabbity…isn’t being in love supposed to make people happy?”, she directs her eyes at him with such wideness and sincerity, scooting her chair closer to him with low volume.

“It’s…complicated.”, he answers, meeting her gaze. “It can bring happiness, but sometimes, it also brings sadness. All kinds of pain.”

“Is that why…it feels like my heart hurts right now?”

Oh Heaven above, please. Not again, not now. He doesn’t have the heart today to turn down and witness the pain and confessions of another Nikke that had feelings for him. Much less one as sweet and gentle as Alice. She didn’t deserve such feelings, such treatment. Was she going to cry like before? He’s thinking to himself, please don’t say it.

“Because…I love you, Rabbity. I’m happy when I’m with you. But right now…I’m also sad.”, she says, hand over her heart. 

“Alice, I’m so sorry.”, he blurts out. “It’s not Snow White’s fault. We didn’t mean to hurt you—”, he’s interrupted by Alice tapping his ankle from the blanket lightly. A gesture that silently tells him she’s not finished.

“I know you like me too, Rabbity. But not like Snow White.”

Here it comes. He’s mentally trying to prepare himself for another round of waterworks, this time being one that he’s involved in too. Yet, he blinks in shock when she comes up and still has that bright smile on her face without a hint of depression or anything. It’s genuinely happy, a gesture in stark contrast to the sad smile he saw Rapi don.

“But I don’t care if I can’t be like Snow White for you. I’m just happy you’re alive and my best friend ever, Rabbity.”, she gently caresses her hand over his arm cast, beaming so brightly her eyes are closed. “I am sad about Snow White. But I just wish you told me sooner!”, she opens them, gladly showing her appreciation and support. “You should be happy with Snow White, so smile again, please! For me, Rabbity.”

He could almost feel a tear drop, but it’s not out of sadness. “Promise me next time, Rabbity. No more secrets! No matter how silly it is.”, she holds out her pinky finger.

Kenshi nods in agreement. “Yea. I promise.”, he wraps it in hers and shakes on it. She giggles with elation and nearly bounces in her seat. That sunny demeanor of hers returning brightened his day immediately, and washed away all sense of dread he felt over this. 

She was about to talk with him some more when a buzz sounded off from her purse. “Huh?”, she says aloud as she fishes for it. Seeing the screen, her eyes turn wide. “O-oh my! I’m so sorry, Rabbity. I have to leave now. Queen needs me back. I almost lost track of time!”, she shoots up from her seat as her grasp tightens around her purse strap. 

“That’s alright, Alice. Thanks for coming by.”, he waved her off as she hurried out. 

“See ya later, Rabbity!”, she waves back enthusiastically, exiting the sliding door and rushing out without a word.

With the abrupt exit, he finds himself disappointed. He needed more of her shining ecstaticism in all honesty. With a sigh, he returns to the TV show, watching a police drama. He turns the volume back up. After a knock, the door slides open and in comes Mary again. 

“Yoohoo~, dinner time!”, she calls out while teasing in a sing-song voice, carrying a plate of steaming hot pasta. He rolls his eyes at the ‘50s housewife return Mary takes on whenever she delivers food. If only hospital food was actually good enough to be worth the charade!

8 PM, and in saunters another visitor. It’s the chubby brunette of Counters, Anis, boldly drinking a soda can empty before tossing it in the nearby trash can. He had to know: how in the world did she get that past the staff? They normally don’t allow it past the waiting room. Knowing her, she probably stashed it in her jacket somewhere and pulled it out while nobody’s looking. 

She lets out a gasp of relief after finishing and tossing the drink, heading over to him with a wide smirk and crossed arms. “Can’t leave you alone for five minutes without landing yourself here again , eh Commander?”, she elbows his right arm gently. “Maybe you oughta pick a safer job.”

As Neon follows suit behind her after her bold entrance, she peeks behind him to beam at his heavily improved condition since last she saw him. “What, and leave you starved of my pretty face? Please, you’d be begging me to come back the next day.”, he jests back at Anis, the two laughing boisterously at each other. It felt amazing to see him well enough to enjoy these banters once again since last time words could barely come out of his mouth. 

As Neon’s just chipper to take it all in, she comes in with her own joking comment. “I’m just glad Master isn’t a total mummy.”

Anis turns to her while side-eyeing his casts and IV. “For now, anyways.”, she snickers. “Give him some time and he’ll definitely be wrapped head to toe next visit.”

The three all join in with laughter, creating a joyous symphony of cackles that erupted from the room. He was enjoying this, and it was something they all needed after that wrenching incident. Especially him. Alice was giving him a boost but was ultimately cut short by the usual work demands, so it was nice to get this extra dose of positivity. Though in the back of his mind, he did know he once again had to address the elephant in the room. He just hopes they’re up to speed on the Rapi situation because he doesn’t think his soul can take another session of breaking the news. 

Luckily for him, as their expressions softened, he got confirmation he wouldn’t need to. They were inquisitive, but not accusative. “So uh, big shot.”, Anis flicks her head up in silent acknowledgement at him. “We saw Rapi earlier and she looked like a kicked puppy.”

Neon nodded. “Not just that, but super upset too. I’d never seen her so down before. What happened?”

“Had to hit me with the hard stuff up front, huh?”, he asks, sighing heavily as he sinks back into his bed. 

While Anis raises a brow, Neon remains herself as always. “Well, you know us, Master. Never a dull moment.”

He glances between both of their gazes. “The gist of it is things got a bit…complicated when she woke up. We had a heart-to-heart, and I don’t know if I handled it well. I’d like to think I did.”, after saying this, he rubs his stubble ridden face with his right palm and moves to attempt to slick his hair in usual tic. 

“It wasn’t…really bad, was it?”, Neon asks gracefully, sensing the tension. Meanwhile, Anis silently softens up her gaze and body language at him. 

“It’s…not really my place to say. It was pretty personal.”, he admits, staring at Neon. “Think of it like my relationship with Snow White. I didn’t like it being revealed by Crow, so…let her be. She’ll talk to us when she’s ready, and I wanna keep it that way.”

Neon smiles and approaches him closer, holding his hand gently. “As nice as always, Master. Never change, please!”

He returns the expression. “I won’t. I can count on you guys to comfort and support her, right?”

Anis makes a mock scrunched face, acting as if she was completely offended and unamused. “Really, you’re asking after all we’ve been through?”

Neon nods with gusto. “Of course, Master! Anything for you and Rapi!”

“Thanks.”, he nods with a slight bow, letting Neon shake his hand a little. 

“I have to admit though.”, Anis piped up in the middle of the moment. “That thing you had with Snow White kinda took us all for a loop.”

Neon then turns into an upset frown. “Yeah…”

“Sorry she did that to you, Commander. It must’ve really sucked.”, she almost puts a scowl on her face remembering the sick pleasure she had from forcefully revealing that to everyone. 

“It did.”, he agreed, looking awkwardly off to the side. “But the way I look at it, it was going to be revealed sometime sooner or later.  I guess it just happened faster than I wanted it to.”

“Hey, about that.”, Anis gets up close, the same distance as Neon, and taps his shoulder. He turns around to meet her gaze. “I understand why you wanted to keep it a secret, but you could’ve trusted us. Next time, don’t lead a girl on.”

“Is that an admission?”, he asks, a small smile on his face as he slightly teases. 

“Yeah, it is. Maybe I had a bit of a crush on you—but don’t get the wrong idea! It wasn’t major or anything!”, she blew air as she embarrassedly looked off to the side. “But I guessed Rapi had the edge over me, being Miss Perfect and all. Never thought I’d be so close yet so wrong about who got you by the heart, though.”

He blinks before putting on a comforting expression. “If it’s any consolation, Anis, I thought you were pretty cute too.”

“Hey, don’t even joke about that stuff!”, she barks at him. “What did I just tell you about leading a girl on?!”

“Who said I was joking?”

Anis’ remark is suddenly caught in her throat with a grunt as she blushes. Neon chuckles a bit at her reaction as she turns to Kenshi. 

“I felt the same for a time, Commander. But, I had to keep my distance.”, she wags her finger. “After all, a spy never catches feelings for who they spy on!”

His hand reaches out and messes with her hair and beret a bit in a teasing manner, as the three erupt into chuckles again. As it dies down, the ruffled Commander lets out a big sigh as he looks at the two. “I’m sorry you two had to find out this way. I had plans that were less sudden.”

The brunette simply replies with a shrug. “It’s alright. It wasn’t your fault, really.”

“Yeah, Crow…it was her fault.”, Neon agrees with a quiet murmur, her glasses flickering as if to hide her eyes for a second while mentioning her name. All the brightness in everyone’s eyes dimmed at that moment. The air of disgust that lingered between them all could not be overstated. If there was one thing that would unify them all even if their bonds were strained, it would be this. “After what she did to you…”

“I know this changes a lot but…you all still mean a lot to me.”, he pats both of their hands comfortingly to change the topic. “We’re still fine together, right?”

“Of course!”, Anis grins widely, and Neon nods enthusiastically in agreement. “I meant it when I said I’d never abandon you over this. Even if it hurts, we’re still close friends.”, she digs into her coat and offers a can of her soda as a peace token. After having nothing but water and bland hospital food all day, he gladly takes it. The two Nikkes simply watch in amusement as he cracks open the can, letting the gasses hiss before completely opening it. He takes a major swig, letting out a sigh before a loud, elongated burp embarrassingly escapes his lips from the carbonation. 

The two burst out in a gut-busting cackle when his face twinges with pink. He jokingly swats away at the two’s pointing fingers as he takes another sip, this time slowing his roll so he can enjoy it properly. “Hope Mary doesn’t mind~.”, Neon teases to which Kenshi nearly chokes, just making them laugh again. 

“Well, Commander, glad everything is good between us and everything.”, the brunette speaks up, readjusting her beret. “We just wanted to check on you real quick. Got a lot of paperwork to bury ourselves in since you’re on medical leave.”

“Wait, you’re doing stuff for once?”, and he nearly chokes on his drink for the second time in a row. 

“Well, Rapi is helping as usual. That’s how we noticed her being upset and all.”, Neon chimes in. 

“With all three of us, we figured we could get a lot done. It’s the least we could do for you.”, Anis proudly puffs out her chest as she places her hips on her hands.

Kenshi softly smiles. “Thanks, you two.”

“Don’t mention it.”, Anis does a two finger salute at him before pulling him into a gentle hug. “Hurry up and get better soon, okay?”, she whispers in his ear before parting for Neon to get her own. “By the way, once you’re out we’ll get you set up with a new phone, ‘kay? See ya!”, she called out behind her as she waved him off.

“See you later, Master!”, she chirps as she parts, following Anis as if she were in tow. 

He can only sigh happily with content knowing that so far, the only one that didn’t seem to take the news well was Rapi. In hindsight, it was understandable why. The affections for him varied with intensity, and hers was definitely of the highest tier. It made him thankful that it seemed Anis and Neon were lower on that spectrum, if only because they made a wrong but not far off assumption that Rapi was the one he chose. A pang of worry pulsed throughout his chest though at the idea of the blondie of Counters going back to work so soon. It was just like her to bury herself in her work to get the more pressing emotional matters off her mind.

It wasn’t like he could do anything from the hospital bed, though. For now, he just had to trust and believe in his teammates and Rapi like he always did. He was about to relax and take a sip of the soda he had when he noticed a blue figure come in the corner of his eye. Oh no…it was Mary. She was writing away with a stylus on a tablet as she walked in.

“Hi there~. Time for your daily check up. I heard the noise and I’m glad you’re—”, she immediately cuts herself off at the sight of a soda. Even through her closed eyes, she’s dead silent in an eerie way and it makes Kenshi’s hair on his neck stand on end in terror. Here comes the Black Devil. 

“Commander…where did you get that?”, she asks in an unusually deadpan tone. 

“Uhhh…magic?”, he nervously grinned, sweating bullets.

“I see. Magic.”, her eyes open with a dark cloud over her face. “Perhaps you’d like to see your medication disappear too.”

He’s not going to make it out of this in one piece, is he? 

Snow White inspected the wound slowly, glancing over every inch of it as she attempted to assess for the umpteenth time that day whether or not it healed. She doesn’t know why she’s in such a hurry to leave. Is it mind numbing boredom from the hours spent sitting around? The Pilgrim easily could’ve turned on the TV to entertain herself like any other patient, yet she felt no desire to. What would she even watch? Despite the Outpost being just outside of the Ark’s grasp, the cultural shock still had a bit of a stranglehold on her. 

This sort of secrecy also allowed those two medics, Mary and Pepper, to totally blow off the Ark’s directives about Pilgrims. She remembers the two of them approaching her. 

“Don’t worry, your secret is safe with us! Your friends had some trips here before. The two of us got a secret protocol. Nobody besides us knows you’re in here.”

The pink one gave her an angelic smile while the other in blue silently nodded in agreement the entire time. Still, she had this unease about it and demanded the quickest route possible. They understood, given the last one to visit, an absolutely hammered Scarlet, was much the same. She exited the premises before the night grew too late. So thankfully, they were all too happy to accommodate her repairs to be quick as possible, forgoing any sense of comfort. Yet she still needed to stay the night and rest to ensure everything was fully repaired.

Maybe she just had this innate desire to leave. She had a duty to uphold, didn’t she? There were Raptures to hunt—all of them an unrelenting, unresting, unyielding force, and she needed to be the same. Who cares about a little stab wound? She’s taken on much worse and still recovered just fine, all the while limping through sleet and snow. 

A better question emerged: why ask in the first place? She knows why she stayed. It’s the same reason why she didn’t find watching TV by herself interesting, bearing that alienation from sights she never saw. It’s also why she doesn’t just get up right now and leave this place out the window like Scarlet did. It all amounted to one word. 

Kenshi. She was far too concerned about him right now to even think of running off. When she saw him last, he passed out on her lap in that aircraft. He never saw how worried she became. She remembers immediately jabbing her two fingers into his neck to feel a pulse and putting her ears towards his mouth to hear a breath. Never had she felt such relief when there was a slow beat coming through his jugulars. It was a sign he was still alive. 

Since then, she never stopped stroking his hair throughout the entire ride. Not for a moment. That is, until she was forced to when they landed on the Outpost hospital’s helipad and he was wheeled off on a bed with an oxygen mask on his face. The dread came back and rose gradually after that separation. It didn’t leave, not until she got confirmation from those two from the Seraphim squad that he was alright. Snow White finally fell asleep and got a good night’s rest when she knew. It wasn’t just the personal matters between her and her man, though.

The white Nikke also remembers the hurt expressions on their face when she got said confirmation. She knew it wasn’t out of Kenshi’s wellbeing, they had emotional investment in him too. No, she saw those looks before. It was on the faces of her friends Scarlet and Rapunzel when she broke the news of their relationship to them. That downtrodden expression, realizing the one they thought they loved ultimately never returned the feelings, or had at least chosen another. She didn’t say a thing, nor moved a muscle to give any indication of her own reaction to their’s. It was up to them and Kenshi on how to handle it. The Pilgrim learned this time after the Isabel fiasco that her lovely Commander is his own man, and he’s more than capable of handling these issues. Especially with such tender sweethearts like these two, they’re practically a walk in the park compared to some of the psychos and freaks he’ll have to deal with eventually.

Just thinking about all this led her to yearn for him once again. It didn’t help that she kept seeing familiar Nikkes she knew were close to him walk past her room without even noticing her. Rapi, the one she initially was envious of. That strange, delusional girl, Alice. And lastly, the other iconic duo of Counters, Anis and Neon. It made her curious, so when Pepper came and did her last round, she asked.

“Oh, I forgot to tell you. I’m so sorry.”, Pepper apologized profusely and nervously bowed her head. “We put you in a room just down the hall from him. I thought you deserved it after everything we learned.” Snow White was still grateful for that.

So that leads her to now as she is slightly limping down the hall, observing each room for any sign of him. She knows those two would probably scold her and tell her to use the cane since replacement parts for her aren’t exactly available, but she doesn’t care. Right now she’s on a new mission, and that’s to see Kenshi one last time before she leaves. 

With a sudden stop, Snow White finally finds him, illuminated by the glow of the many medical devices and the moonlight that crept in past the slightly agape curtains. This was her sign, as the previous rooms were empty, nothing but darkness occupying them. She waited a second to look deeply, seeing that same sleeping face of his she loved so dearly. Taking it as a confirmation, she smiles and creeps into the room, the door automatically opening and then closing behind her with the same, soft click. 

Getting very close to the bedside, she stares upon him and notices his current condition. In many ways, it’s a vast improvement over what she saw last night. He’s no longer visibly drained, the color returned to his skin, and he seems…happy. Comfortable. At the same time, he’s only this way because of all the things hooked up to him and his new plaster casts that cover where those braces originally were. An IV, a set of various monitors clasped to metal diodes stuck on various parts of his chest. At the very least, he was no longer hooked up to an oxygen tank and from the sounds of his steady breathing, had recovered lungs too. Basically, it was like she assumed. He was able to receive proper medical attention.

The various lighting all in combination gives his figure an appearance that enthralls her, and she finds herself admiring that even in this sorry state, he’s still handsome. Was it possible to describe a man as beautiful? If so, it definitely wouldn’t be in the same manner as she would for a fellow woman, she supposed. As she continues to gaze upon him, the desire to touch him again burns brightly within her, but she holds off due to not wanting to awake him. He was sleeping soundly, and she intended it to stay that way. Kenshi needs his beauty rest. 

Yet despite all this gratefulness and relief washing through her, the demon that bit at her shoulder known as guilt still came crawling back. He wouldn’t be in casts had she found him sooner. Nor would he be stuck in the hospital for three days. It’s only day one and despite the massive improvement, she still feels awful. Her eyes look forlorn as those golden eyes that glowed lightly in the dark scanned over him with worry creeping up her neck. This whole thing was because of her, wasn’t it? Crow’s entire reason for stirring the pot was to test her resolve and provoke her into unforgettable action. 

Her face twists again. Does she truly deserve him?

This whole time she spent wondering if she disturbed his slumber, she never notices that he’s already stirred awake. Normally he’s such a heavy sleeper, but the hospital isn’t exactly a comfortable place to sleep in no matter how hard Pepper tries to make it so. 

“Snow…”, he murmurs, eyes half open as he looks at her. He doesn’t need to be fully awake to recognize that silhouette of white with the piercing yellow lights. 

She tenses up, her eyes meeting his, finally realizing it. “Kenshi…”, she whispers, staring at him as his grin turns into a goofy, groggy mess. 

“Hi, honey.”, he coos in a tired tone, using a new pet name with her that admittedly threw her off guard. “I missed you.”

“I…”, she looks at the IV in his arm to avert her gaze. “I missed you too.”

“Hey…you’re frowning like that again.”, he mumbles, his hand suddenly coming out and grasping hers. 

She faces back up to him. “Like what?”

“Like that time in the bunker when you kept blaming yourself.”, though he slowly awakened more, grogginess still laced his tone. 

She sighed, thumbing over his hand. “How do you always know?”, she says to herself, but Kenshi hears. Yet, he doesn’t answer, intent on letting her continue to speak. “How can I not? I lost control and…this whole thing is basically my fault. I caused you so much pain.”

He shook his head. “It’s not your fault. And I saved you, didn’t I? I understand why you did, Snowy. Crow, what she did was—”

“I’m not talking about Crow.”, she interrupts abruptly, slightly tightening her grip on his hand. “Though…thank you. Promise me, if I do again, you’ll be there to stop me.”

He knows realistically he can’t always be there, but he’s never one to bend to fate’s will. “Of course.”, he says. “But what do you mean you’re not talking about Crow?”

She remains silent, her eyes being so longing while she stares into him. It’s after a heavy pause she finally speaks again. “I…I overheard everything. I wasn’t that far down the hall from you.”

He blinks, finally getting what she’s suggesting. “Oh.”, he reacts with a slight gasp when it all clicks. “Snow, it’s okay.”

“No, it isn’t.”, she reprimands him, her tone growing from a whisper to a low speaking tone. “I saw the way Rapi left. Our relationship…it’s hurting your friendships with others.”

“Snow, something like this was bound to happen.”, he reminds her. “This is still Crow’s fault. She revealed it in a way I didn’t want to. It’s not your fault, not even close.”, he’s squeezing her hand in reassurance, feeling how his strength came back to him.

“But you said it yourself. It’s never going to be the same.”, she continues to focus on that point. “Don’t you feel upset about that? Or resent me a little?”

“Stop it.”, he speaks directly, releasing his hand to cup her cheek. “I’d never do that. From the moment we started being together, I knew things were going to change between me and the others.”

“You…knew?”, she asks timidly.

Now he’s definitely awake, all tiredness temporarily dissipating from his body in this single moment. “Of course. If anyone’s to blame, it’s me because I didn’t trust my team and I kept delaying the inevitable. Do you know you weren’t entirely wrong when you snapped at me after our camping trip?”

She suddenly grabs at his hand and pushes herself deeper into it, nuzzling it. The woman bites her cheek as she grimaces. “I’m sorry…”, she returns to whispering. “I never forgive myself…I…”

Her chest tightens as the demons nag her again. She wants to believe him so badly—that she’s not a walking, talking disaster constantly waiting to happen in his life. But it doesn’t matter how hard she hopes, it’s never truly enough to stave off the voices. Even now, every time she closed her eyes all day she saw the blood, his drugged eyes, the weakness. It reminds her of that horrific nightmare, that tail of Chatterbox piercing his vital points.

However, here, in the warmth of his hand, it comforts her. It cuts through the fog in her soul and screams louder than her doubt. It wards off those dark thoughts of hers and just fills her heart with tender love. So she does nothing but crash her face constantly into his hand, taking in every second of his embrace.

“It’s okay, Snow. I’m here.”, he whispers back. “Look, Rapi’s hurt most of all, but she and I are still on good terms. Everyone’s been very accepting and supportive. Have some more faith in me. And us.”

She nods, eyes still slammed closed. “Okay.”

How she struggled with words. She couldn’t think of a way to say thank you that was anywhere close to how she felt. It’s why she never bothered with much talk, words were inadequate against Kenshi’s actions. He was the shining example of this—the selflessness, strength of his spirit, the way he treated her as a human being and not a broken toy. His touch too, both tender and honest, spoke in ways her pride and guilt never could.

He really was perfect for her, with his endless compassion and understanding he always extended to her. It was the perfect foil to a girl who’s her own harshest critic. To show this gratefulness for him, she wouldn’t stop kissing his palm, glazing all over his hand and up his arm with kisses. She trails up his shoulder, through the crane of his neck, along his cheek, until she lands on his lips and stops to savor every moment. It’s when they part after that Kenshi feels the rush of tiredness return as they exchange hot breaths. 

He rests his forehead on hers and cups her cheek again. “Snowy…”

“Kenshi…I love you so much.”, she professes, returning the gesture as she thumbs over his more grown stubble. “You’re still here…nothing else matters.”, she finally smiles. 

No more guilt. No more regrets. She burns away that part of that tries to hesitate from fear of selfishness. She’s allowed this, and the smile he gives her against his fatigue affirms it. She needs this. They need this.

It’s here that, in an unprompted move, she tries to climb onto his hospital bed in order to lay beside him. She wasn’t satisfied with this romantic gesture alone, and wanted more. However, smooth movements was more of Kenshi’s thing. The way she went about it was definitely cute in his eyes, but albeit it was awkward. Snow White was as gentle as she could be, climbing over the barrier slowly and waiting for Kenshi to scoot over a bit and give her room. She helps move over the sling carrying his leg, being careful not to generate more pain. 

Even when she fully got on the bed, she moved cautiously around him as she tried to snuggle up. All these things running through her head make the movements stilted. Did she squash his IV? Are those cables disconnected from the diodes? Is she crashing into his leg? Is that casted arm in that shoulder sling away from her body? It was enough to make him giggle in a sleepy way.

“What’s so funny?”, she asks quietly in a half-offense.

“You. Thanks for being considerate.”, he answers, making their noses touch as he does a little Eskimo kiss. “I missed this all the time.”

She puts on a smile again as she rests her head on his chest, hand stroking his casted arm. “Me too.”, she agrees, finally making herself comfortable as she hears his steady breathing and slowed heartbeat. It’s here she decides she doesn’t want to run off anymore, fighting the urge to think otherwise. She wants to be here until he’s finally discharged. Only then can her soul rest at ease. 

From being so close to chest and hearing his lungs and heart, she can tell he’s trying to fight sleep to relish in the moment as much as possible. She takes her other hand and brushes his hair with fingers as she points her head towards his ear. 

She whispers gently. “Rest, Kenshi. I’ll still be here when you wake up.”

“...Promise?”

“Promise.”

A soft smile graces his lips as he plants a soft kiss on her head. “That’s all I ever wanted…”, were his final words before he drifted off to sleep.

The morning sunshine mixed with the fluorescent whites in a cream mixture that spread throughout the hospital halls. Clicks sounded off as heels of a blue angel met the clean, sterile white tile floors. Entering Mary, not finding Snow White in her room at all no matter how hard she looks, shrugs it off and assumes she ran off. After all, she did seem rather antsy about how fast her healing procedure was. It frustrated her to no end that the Pilgrim had zero patience to wait for their final approval, but oh well. You can’t exactly argue with a mythical, powerful Nikke when they want to run from a society that’d rather see them get examined on a petri dish than treated with any modicum of respect.

So, out she left, erasing her name off the transparent marker board, and turning around to get back into the hallway. When she does, she notices a strange sight: Pepper, leaning in towards the door of the Commander’s hospital room, deliberately holding to keep it from closing and getting her smushed. Truly, a sight to behold. She never took Pepper for a peeping tom. She grins widely, finally finding the new perfect thing to keep teasing her about.

She comes up behind her with no sense of subtlety, since she’s too absorbed in whatever sight she’s witnessing. “Well, well~. Pepper, I never thought you were so naughty.”, Mary teases her in a low voice. “Don’t you know better than to–”

“Shh!”, she turns around in downward tilting brows, fingers to her lips. 

Mary’s taken aback, lowering herself to a whisper. “Pepper, what on Earth is going on?”

“You’re not gonna believe this, come look! It’s the most adorable thing ever!”

She walks around Pepper and peeks behind her shoulder, to gasp silently, covering her mouth. Now she understands what all the fuss was about, and sees that Pepper was totally right.

Before them was a sleeping Kenshi, looking more peaceful and well-rested than he’s ever been before in the history of the hospital ever. And it’s no wonder, because completely cuddled up next to him is an equally fast asleep Snow White, with an unconsciously plastered small smile on her face.