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What Kind Of Fool Am I?

Summary:

Deep in the depths of his abode, Jing Yuan comes to a horrific realization.

A man blessed with long life, and a man whose life is unduly cut short…

Is painful parting his only destiny?

Notes:

So um, this is kinda an offshoot of the Yanli fic, but also not. It’s just, the angst potential of these two is delicious and I’ve been far too fluffy these past few days.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

As the Arbiter General of the Xianzhou Luofu, Jing Yuan had experienced a lot in his long life. Many a battle in which a warrior would join the heavens far before their time, he’d seen many of shorter lifespans retire near the end of their time as well. He’d seen friendships end and new ones form. He’d seen it all. And yet he still felt unprepared. Mara-struck still roamed the streets along the outskirts, despite the scarce sightings of the Disciples of Sanctus Medicus since the defeat of Phantylia. They’d seemingly all disappeared afterwards, though those that still appeared normal could be lurking throughout the streets. Those who hadn’t turned yet.

 

The sad thing was, that once you had ingested the very thing that could turn someone, there was no cure.

 

No treatment plan, no matter how much Bailu would’ve tried. Your destiny has already been set in stone. You would turn. It was just a matter of when.

 

And the thing was, the Disciples had been covert. Innocents could have ingested the poison without knowing the dire consequences, they’d written out their own death, without exactly being aware of it. Jing Yuan had perused through various ancient books on remedies of long dead diseases, but none held any trace of a possible cure for those afflicted by mara. Once under the full effect of Mara, the afflicted would lose themselves entirely, and then have to be done away with. And Jing Yuan admittedly hated that it had to be dealt with that way.

 

The monsters that the Mara-struck were destined to mutate into resembling the abomination that Baiheng had become when those two had tried to save her didn’t help matters either.

 

But, the curses of Yaoshi still have to be dealt with in some way.

 

Jing Yuan lifted his head from where he’d been staring blankly at yet another dead end regarding the Disciples’ crimes. Still no sign of anything that could prevent the transformation, or even cure the impending doom that would befall those afflicted with mara. He sighed at this revelation and removed himself from the desk. He might as well return the tome from where he got it, shouldn’t he? Picking up the book, he began his walk out of the Seat of Divine Foresight. Qingzu caught his eye as he left. “General-“ she began, causing Jing Yuan to stop and regard her with a warm smile.

 

“Ah, Qingzu, is there anything you need me for? Or is there anything that requires my attention? Seeing as I’ll be returning a book, I’m sure I can get it done on my way as well,” he hummed out, and Qingzu met his gaze. She stood tall, and Jing Yuan saw hidden amusement dancing in her eyes as she tried to keep composure.

 

“No, I don’t really need you for anything. However, there was a request for someone to enter the Seat of Divine Foresight. It seems like it’s an important individual, as the guard outside said that he personally asked for you. Though, it seems like you’re going out anyway, so I’ll leave greeting him up to you. Also, apparently, that white snake of his is running her mouth off.”

 

Jing Yuan felt his warm smile widen at this, and the amusement in Qingzu’s eyes seemed to intensify. “Well then, I might as well go and give them a warm welcome, shouldn’t I?” He responded with a slight chuckle, and Qingzu only nodded. With an added energy to his step, Jing Yuan finally left the Seat, hearing the tail end of a conversation of the waiting party outside.

 

“Baizhu,” Changsheng was saying. “Why won’t you? It would do you some good, would it not?” Changsheng wasn’t nearly as snappy as Jing Yuan was used to hearing her, and she almost seemed worried. As he stepped off of the Starskiff, Jing Yuan heard Baizhu’s response.

 

“It’s a complicated situation,” Baizhu said simply. “One that is best dealt with by… doing nothing. Avoiding tragedy in one’s own life, is sometimes the best option. Even if it’s the worst one.” Jing Yuan wasn’t aware of the context of their conversation, so he decided to not dwell on it. Instead, he walked forward.

 

“I do believe you were asking for me Baizhu?” Jing Yuan commented as he walked over. “To what do I owe the pleasure?” He hummed out, smiling, causing both sets of eyes to turn on him.

 

Changsheng’s pinkish-red eyes fluctuated between a worried look at Baizhu and a mischievous one at Jing Yuan. Then, a content hiss slipped out of her mouth. “Oh, look who it issss,” she commented. “The man of the hour, hm? That’ssss right, isn’t it? Baizhu?” Jing Yuan let out a small chuckle, and Baizhu’s snakelike yellow eyes softened ever so slightly. “Ew, grosssss,” Changsheng teased, before her look grew worried again. “Hey, how’ssss that lion of yoursss?” Changsheng added suddenly causing both men to let out a chuckle.

 

“Wow, Changsheng, that’s the first thing you ask?” Baizhu chuckled. “Sometimes I feel you like Yuan’s friend more than me.” He glanced over at Jing Yuan and smiled. Changsheng narrowed her eyes, and immediately her regular demeanor was back.

 

“I could say the ssssame about you and your friend. Great me, you are insufferable sometimes.” Baizhu blinked a little and his eyes darkened slightly. “Baizhu,” Changsheng’s voice grew worried again. “Why won’t you tell him?” Baizhu didn’t answer, instead he looked over at Jing Yuan.

 

“I trust that Changsheng’s friend is doing well?” He asked and Jing Yuan smiled.

 

“Yes, he’s doing fine. I would let you in right now, but I myself have places to be. I’m returning a tome I borrowed. It turned out to be pretty useless for what I was trying to use it for. And seeing as the only real issue plaguing the Luofu now is the mara-struck, and there’s no war going on, I feel that I can afford to research this.” Baizhu looked over at the book and narrowed his eyes.

 

“Ancient remedies? What exactly are you researching, if I may ask?” Jing Yuan looked at him.

 

“Walk with me,” he said, and Baizhu nodded. He began following him as they walked throughout the Exalting Sanctum, walking towards the bookshop. Changsheng was quiet, looking between the two, and Jing Yuan could feel some kind of tension between him and Baizhu as they walked together. After a while, Jing Yuan spoke up again. “I’m sure you’ve heard of the Disciples of Sanctus Medicus?” He asked simply and something flashed in Baizhu’s eyes that Jing Yuan couldn’t really decipher, but something about it made the General’s heart spike with worry. Changsheng’s expression wasn’t much better.

 

“Who? The cult?” Changsheng spat out giving both Jing Yuan and Baizhu pause. “Who worships Yaoshi like They blessed their first born? When all that Yaoshi has aimed to do has doomed the Xianzhou people to eternal life?”

 

“I wouldn’t go as far to call them that,” Jing Yuan responded, ”but yes. Them. As I’m sure you’re aware of, their whole thing was giving individuals eternal life, or well, attempting to. However, while there were willing participants, the Disciples were also using covert means to convert people to their cause. By this, I mean that they were practically unconsensually poisoning people  into early graves, as once an afflicted turns, we have no choice but to dispose of them.” Baizhu’s expression grew conflicted, as did Changsheng’s. He looked down at his arm, and Jing Yuan noticed yellow discolouration on it, like it was bruised.

 

“Baizhu and I have encountered them before,” Changsheng started. She and Baizhu shared a look. “There’s branch running underground on the Zhuming. People are turning into abominations left and right, right after someone called Dan Shu treats them for their injuries.”

 

Dan Shu…

 

“She’s landed on the Zhuming?” Jing Yuan asked. Changsheng nodded and Baizhu looked at him. “We were trying to track her on the Luofu but the Trailblazers lost her, and didn’t know where she went. She’s a wanted criminal here. So, her last location was the Zhuming?” Baizhu nodded. Jing Yuan nodded. “Okay, so I’ll let everyone know, so we can track her down.” He looked over at the bookstore. “Oh, we’re here now,” he commented. Jing Yuan gave the book back and looked at the owner. “Thanks again for letting me borrow it. Unfortunately, I didn’t find anything that could be useful in it.”

 

“That’s fine.”

 

Jing Yuan turned back around, only to find Baizhu looking at him with a soft, yet longing expression, though he couldn’t really understand why. Changsheng smiled herself and looked at Baizhu. “You’re doing it again. Go for it.” Baizhu merely shook his head and turned around.

 

“Anyways, enough about sad situations,” Jing Yuan hummed. “Why don’t we take a walk?” Baizhu smiled at him and then nodded. Changsheng looked between them, smiling.

 

“While you two are doing that, I’m gonna sleep. Baizhu, let me know if you need me,” she said cryptically, before closing her eyes.

 

And that’s how Baizhu and Jing Yuan found themselves walking around the Luofu, Changsheng asleep around Baizhu’s neck. “So, how is little Yanqing, doing?” Baizhu asked, curiously. The two of them were leaning against the fence of the dock in the Alchemy Commission, feeling the wind blowing through their hair. Baizhu’s green plait, along with the strand of hair hanging loose were blowing behind behind him, waving through the hair like a flag, and Jing Yuan’s own mane of hair was blowing to the side of him as he observed Baizhu.

 

Baizhu’s snakelike eyes were half closed, as if lazily looking at the ocean through his glasses. He was leaning on the railing, and the discolouration of his arms was growing in size. Huh. Maybe that’s why he was looking down. He frowned, and the light in his eyes dulled a bit. “Changsheng was right when she said that we had run into the Disciples, but I don’t think she told you the whole truth. You see, our encounter wasn’t quite so lu-“

 

“General?” Jing Yuan and Baizhu both jumped slightly and turned their heads. Yanqing was regarding them with a curious look. Straightening from where he’d been leaning into Baizhu’s personal space, he turned to face him.

 

“Yanqing? Do you need me for anything?” He asked curiously, causing Yanqing to blink. He then shook his head vigorously.

 

“No, I just… passing through.” Yanqing then left as quickly as he came, casting a glance behind him before disappearing.

 

“That reminds me, Yuan,” said Baizhu, turning his golden snakelike eyes on him. “You never did answer my question. I’m wondering how he’s doing.” Jing Yuan smiled at him, feeling warm. Baizhu smiled in return, and Changsheng huffed, almost as if she’d heard everything that had transpired in her sleep.

 

“Yanqing has been doing quite well, if I say so myself. He nearly bested me in a spar the other day, which he was right surprised about. I can tell that he looks up to me a lot, it’s sweet,” he hummed in recognition, and Baizhu let out a soft chuckle. It was then that Jing Yuan noticed how odd it made him feel. Odd, in a good way. Odd in the way that it made him feel young again, in the way a flustered teenager might feel. A feeling that felt both old and new. Though he didn’t quite know what to call it, and so, just let it simmer.

 

“He’s your apprentice, is he not? I should expect that he looks up to you in some way,” Baizhu chuckled. He looked back out at the water. “She isn’t my apprentice, that duty belongs to Huaiyan, but, Yunli’s doing well as well. Hm, she might even fit well with Yanqing if I think about it.” A prick of mischievousness pricked Jing Yuan’s mind just then and his smile grew amused.

 

“Hm? Is that so? Well, I’d have to keep that in mind,” he commented and Baizhu nodded in agreement. “Anyways, we should get a move on, shouldn’t we? You did wish to meet me in the Seat, so we should get back there.”

 

Baizhu got up himself and then walked over to him, Changsheng still fast asleep. Together, the two of them started making their way back to the Exalting Sanctum, however Baizhu was noticeably walking a lot slower than usual and than he had been previously. His steps were cautious and calculated, and his eyes had dulled as if he were feeling lightheaded. This caused the General’s usually still and calm heart to start beating faster out of worried anxiety, and the simmering feeling that had taken him just moments earlier had spiked into a spiky ball of fear, yet on the outside, Jing Yuan’s facial expression remained in its calm confused state, exposing nothing. Then, Jing Yuan noticed that the discolouration on Baizhu’s arms were no longer the colour of a simple bruise, as the mossy green combined with the murky green had worsened to bright yellow, broken only by dark forest green patches, resembling an almost leafy growth, though no patches were had actually broken the skin. Baizhu had stopped walking, staring down at his quickly yellowing arms. His mouth was moving but he seemed to be struggling to get words out.

 

In a flash, the scene had changed.

 

A pale purple Foxian seizing on the ground, yelling, though in reality she was silent. Her eyes were still glazed over from her previous death, and yet, still she lived. Her legs changed first, becoming a gross amalgamation of yellow and various shades of green. Leafy and fleshy growths sprouted from her legs as well. The two who’d had the idea to revive their dead friend watched in horror, like they hadn’t known how this would happen. Jing Yuan’s mentor stood beside his younger self, pain clouding her red gaze. Her and the Foxian had been close, even Jing Yuan could tell.

 

The four of them could only watch in horror as Baiheng slowly became one of the abominations before their very eyes, her wordless yells eventually becoming the guttural growls of the very creatures that the Luofu was still fighting to this day.

 

They could do nothing to help her.

 

Jing Yuan’s mentor had taken initiative and disposed of their once-friend, giving her the death she so clearly deserved after going through that. Jing Yuan could tell that his mentor hadn’t wanted to do that, but she had had no choice. The group had never been the same after that, disbanding almost as easily as it started.

 

“Chang… Chang….”

 

Jing Yuan suddenly found himself back in the present at the sound of Baizhu’s voice. It came out strangled, and hoarse, though Baizhu hadn’t been shouting all that much, if shouting at all. He was calling for Changsheng, but the snake was still fast asleep. A moment of clarity struck Jing Yuan at that moment, and though his face gave away nothing, the calm General was the exact opposite of calm on the inside. He’d have to be the one to wake the snake, Baizhu was clearly unable to at the moment. Jing Yuan wrapped an arm around Baizhu to prevent him from moving  away from him and then he started poking the snake around Baizhu’s neck. “Changsheng, Changsheng, wake up,” he whispered out, Baizhu surprisingly still. Jing Yuan took a moment to glance at him.

 

Baizhu’s snakelike pupils had widened slightly, though, it could be because of what he was going through at the moment, though Jing Yuan did recognize that tension between them. Turning his head back around, he tried again. “Changsheng.” This time the white snake lifted her head and looked around, as if trying to figure out what was going on.

 

“Changsheng…” Baizhu croaked out, his voice sounding gruff, and Changsheng stood to attention when she realized.

 

“Baizhu didn’t want you to witness this,” she murmured, sounding vaguely annoyed. “But, since the situation is dire, I’m afraid you’ll have to.” She hardened her gaze. “I ask on the behalf of him that you tell this to no one. I did want to him to at least tell you, but oh well. Hm, could you maybe hold him more into your side? His brain isn’t his at the moment, so I don’t think he’ll protest too much.” Jing Yuan gave the snake a look, but obeyed, eying Baizhu’s now yellowing legs as well. Though, as he did this, Baizhu sort of collapsed into him, and he scrambled to catch him, though it caused the simmering emotion in his gut to intensify, leading him to feel slightly flustered. Changsheng let out a content hiss, saying, “That workssss. Oh, how I wissssh Baizhu could see thissss right now.” Changsheng then got serious and plucked one of her scales off. She placed the scale on Baizhu’s forehead, and then started glowing a green colour. “Scale of the Herblord,” she said, “transfer others misfortunes onto mine form, and let them be dissipated.” Slowly, the discolouration on Baizhu’s arms returned to its original shade of the the murky greens and Changsheng sighed, wincing as the transfer was completed. “With an ailment like this, I can’t get rid of the entirety of it.”

 

Baizhu was still collapsed against Jing Yuan’s side, and it almost seemed like he was sleeping, though that wasn’t what Jing Yuan was worried about. His heart was still jumping around in his chest, and he still felt a little flustered, but he had one burning question for the snake. “Why, though, didn’t he want to tell me about this?” He said quietly, and Changsheng looked at him, her expression conflicted. “We’ve dealt with multiple Mara-struck over the years. Usually it ends with us… killing…” he trailed off, feeling a spike of guilt and… pain. Changsheng glanced at him, and her smile grew soft, an expression she didn’t usually wear.

 

“I don’t pretend to know Baizhu’s reasons for hiding it from you. It only really aims to hurt himself in the long run, in my opinion. Humans are annoying when it comes to that. Even long-living humans are insufferable, you are a great example of that, you know.” Jing Yuan simply chuckled in response, not really all that offended by the comment. Instead, he looked down at Baizhu, and brushed his fringe out of his eyes. Changsheng let out a curious hiss, before chuckling a bit herself. “Yep, annoying is definitely the best way to describe it. You two act like I’m not even here sometimes, which I suppose is a good thing if you two were to ever act on the tension you two so clearly have. I swear I could suffer through this for  millennia, but Baizhu doesn’t have millennia.”

 

And the peaceful and blissful atmosphere around the trio, crashed around Jing Yuan.

 

‘Baizhu doesn’t have millennia’

 

That was true.

 

Baizhu didn’t have millennia. He didn’t have centuries. He didn’t even have decades. The most he had were a few years at most, being a Mara-struck, and that filled Jing Yuan with an icy feeling of dread that had him subconsciously hugging the unconscious healer closer. Baizhu wouldn’t be around much longer, even if he did last a few more years.

 

The crimes of the Disciples of Sanctus Medicus… aiming to make  everyone immortal?

 

Only ever had the opposite effect ending in an early death that none of the original victims deserved.

 

Changsheng looked over at Baizhu’s unconscious frame, securely wrapped around his neck. “I’m probably the best thing he could’ve run into regarding all this. I can at least keep it at bay. Though, I’m not sure how long I can exactly, or how many years he has left in him.” She looked pointedly and Jing Yuan and sighed slightly. “I mean, I tell him he should do the things he wants, before he inevitably turns, but he never wants to. ‘Avoiding tragedy’ is what he calls it. But is avoiding it, because it only aims to end in tragedy, not a tragedy in itself? That you’d deprive yourself of happiness just because that happiness will disappear within in the next few years? I will never understand you humans, whether short-living or long-living. Why refuse to act when the outcome of the action only aims to succeed? Or when the outcome seems so certain? Anyways. His decisions confuse me. But,” she looked over at Jing Yuan. “What I’m not confused on and what I know, are simple things to understand really. I know he cares about you. And maybe, that’s why he’s so hung up on telling you, it beats me. He’s never usually indecisive.”

 

Jing Yuan decided then to stand up, still holding Baizhu, and Changsheng hissed in confusion. His mood had considerably darkened from earlier in the day, and he didn’t really feel like talking at that moment. Silently, he walked the trio back to the Seat, Baizhu’s head lolling across his chest as he walked. It caused the simmering emotion he felt in gut to flare up a bit. Changsheng was also quiet, but this time her worried expression was focused on Jing Yuan, like she had noticed his change in demeanor as well. Being, the General, no request to enter the Seat was required, and he boarded the starskiff, lying Baizhu down, with some hesitation.

 

“He’s fine, Jing Yuan. He will be for a few hours,” Changsheng assured him. “I’d be scaleless otherwise.” Jing Yuan didn’t answer, and she frowned. “Okay, fine, don’t answer me. That’s fine.”

 

Eventually, after a tense starskiff ride, Jing Yuan picked Baizhu up again, and used the back entrance to get into the Seat, just so the rest of the staff there wouldn’t see him in the gloomy mood he was currently in. He walked to the rooms in the lower deck, and placed Baizhu on one of the beds. “I’ll send for healer, just to check up on him,” Jing Yuan said, uncharacteristically curt, and Changsheng simply nodded from where she’d moved down to Baizhu’s arm. He then left the room.

 

Putting on a smile to mask the swirling discomfort of emotions he felt in his being, Jing Yuan walked up to the Seat of Divine Foresight proper. There he sat down at the table and waited for any task he could do to distract himself from the storm of conflicting emotions he felt underneath. As if on cue, Qingzu appeared at the table as if she’d been awaiting him and her eyes gave way to sparkling amusement. “So, how was it?” She asked, before remembering to compose herself. She started again, though the curious tone never left her voice. “I apologize. What I mean to say is, I trust the meeting with that man went well? You always seem so much happier when he decides to show up.” Jing Yuan looked at her, and though he smiled in greeting his voice gave away the swirling storm underneath.

 

“Send for a healer.” Was all he said and Qingzu blinked.

 

“Wh-What do you mean?” She asked astonished.

 

“We were… attacked. He’s currently resting in my room, I ask that you please send for a healer,” Jing Yuan said emotionlessly and Qingzu frowned.

 

“Resting? In your room?” She repeated, an excited undertone in her voice, despite it being otherwise calm, and Jing Yuan smiled a little. Qingzu shook her head. “Right! A healer! I’ll send for one. I’m going now.” She left and Jing Yuan sighed and placed his head on his desk. He wasn’t quite sure what do about everything that he’d just learned. Baizhu was Mara-struck, or at least showing symptoms of such and that meant that his already short life was sliced in half, if not worse. Who knew when Baizhu would fully turn? It could be tomorrow, it could be in a few years time. The point was that neither of those possibilities involved millennia or centuries or even decades. Just single years. Single years of a life that should not only have single years left to live. The two were friendly with each other, but somehow the thought of losing Baizhu, the strange healer from the Zhuming, his friend, it felt like Baiheng’s death all over again. The suddenness of it, of the very real possibility of it, caused an abyss of pain to open in his stomach, only made worse by the icy dread of discovering Baizhu’s condition.

 

Though, he couldn’t exactly explain it, but there was an undertone of something else in the painful abyss that was the possibility of Baizhu’s early death. …No… the reality of his early death. Baizhu wasn’t dead, yet, if the way his heart had been beating against Jing Yuan’s side was any indication, but the reality was that it was a finality. There would be no mystery. It would happen, it was only a matter of when.

 

Baizhu would die. But when that time would come?

 

Jing Yuan’s chest seized in pain, and his carefully constructed mask slowly broke down as the reality of the situation hit him all at once.

 

And for once, the calm General let out a broken sob.

 

Just once. Barely audible. Onlookers would be unaware of such a display.

 

Dan Feng, Yingxing, Jingliu, himself, Baiheng…

 

And now…

 

Baizhu…

 

It was all too much…

 

He barely heard Qingzu return, and barely had time to scrounge together some sense of normalcy of expression before regarding her arrival. He gave her the warmest smile he could manage and Qingzu’s gaze softened from concern into confusion. “Well, I’m back,” she said awkwardly, as if she’d intruded on something. “Um, Lady Bailu is on her way. So, uh, that’s good, I’m guessing. Did he get particularly hurt or something?” Her voice held no sense duty or composure, and her awkward tone was almost amusing. “General, forgive me if I’m intruding but, is it serious? I’ve never seen you this… dejected? I was under the impression everything went fine, and yet you’re acting like he died- oh. He didn’t die… did he?”

 

“No he hasn’t died. It’s just his condition that’s giving me pause. I did say we were attacked, and he got hurt. It was… pretty serious, as you so eloquently put it.” Qingzu frowned. Jing Yuan looked at her, and a thought popped into his head right then. Qingzu was still quite young by longlife species status, so maybe she could help him with the conflicting emotions. “Actually Qingzu, I’m wondering if you can help me with something here.” Qingzu blinked and stood to attention.

 

“Yes, General?” She asked, looking mildly confused. Jing Yuan straightened in his chair and ran his hand through his hair.

 

“It’s about these emotions I’m feeling regarding his condition. And well, him, in general.” Qingzu blinked yet again, but she remained silent. “You see, I’ve been feeling off since the attack happened, a sense of worry flowing throughout me that’s different from what could be considered normal worry. It’s more intense, let’s put it that way. In the way that it stabs my heart with fear whenever it so happens to appear. That’s not all, though. There’s something else. I felt it earlier today when he chuckled a little at one of my jokes,” he hummed, and Qingzu’s confusion slowly melted away into an expression that could only be described as inappropriate, given the place they were in, as she seemed to realize what Jing Yuan wanted to know. “A sort of warmth, you know. The kind that might make a teenager flustered.”

 

“I guess it’s been a while since you felt anything like that?” Qingzu commented, her tone far too casual for a conversation between the Arbiter General and herself, but Jing Yuan wasn’t bothered. “I do have an idea of what it could possibly be, General, but I’m not sure I have the authority to tell you of such. I feel you might have to work it out yourself. However, I will help you out a bit, as much as I can. You seem… happier. Not that you’re never happy, of course! It’s just, I’ve noticed that on days when he just so happens to show up, that happiness is… different. Your eyes are filled with some kind of affection, though a different type to the affection you show towards young Yanqing. Your mood almost seems to brighten as well, or so I’ve heard. Oh! Also one time, when you were giving me a task or something or other that involved him, the way you talked about him was setting off flags in my head.” Jing Yuan blinked.

 

“How did I talk about him?” He asked curiously.

 

“It wasn’t about how, it’s the way. Your voice kind of softens? And then you go off on tangents sometimes about him too. It’s strange, but your handwriting becomes illegible sometimes because your mind has presumably wandered off. It’s strange.” Qingzu then seemed to remember she had tasks to complete and left suddenly, leaving Jing Yuan with his thoughts.

 

Out of the corner of his eye, Jing Yuan saw a flash of purple walk past, indicating that Bailu had finally arrived and Jing Yuan got up and followed her into the room.

 

Baizhu was still unconscious on the bed, and Jing Yuan frowned, as that spike of worry pierced him again and he sat down on a chair in the room. Changsheng was still wrapped around his arm, but had seemingly dozed off. He watched silently as Bailu got to work, and as she did so, Jing Yuan decided to try and figure out Qingzu’s cryptic words.

 

‘I guess it’s been a while since you felt anything like that?’

 

Jing Yuan found this statement to be fairly accurate, as the feeling was new, but yet it also felt old, in that he may have felt it once for someone else in his long past. Who, he wouldn’t exactly remember, but Baizhu was the current recipient and also cause of this feeling, so he focused on him.

 

Qingzu had also mentioned that he seemed a lot happier when Baizhu was around, that a certain affection entered his eyes when he was around. And that was certainly true too. Baizhu did make him happy, in a way. Whether it was amusement at his antics with Changsheng, or that warmth he felt whenever Baizhu chuckled at his jokes. He may have only recently recognized the feeling, but it had been there for a while, he found. He’d merely been unaware. Thinking about it now, being around Baizhu just caused the calm General’s insides to flutter about as if they were free floating in there. Hm, he was even feeling it now. A warm sensation coursing through him and taking their home in his cheeks.

 

Why yes, the General was blushing. All because he’d thought about his feelings.

 

Flustered teenager? Definitely the best way to put it.

 

What else did Qingzu say?

 

The way he talks about him is strange? Well, Jing Yuan wouldn’t really know, seeing as he’d seemingly been unaware of it in the first place. But if that’s the case…

 

Jing Yuan felt his blush intensify just slightly.

 

Aeons, this felt strange. This… flusteredness. He wasn’t used to this. Thinking about Baizhu in this very moment, was causing the the General to display the symptoms of a teenager with a crush, flusteredness and all. He felt like squirming in his seat, as if being in Baizhu’s very presence was causing him anxiety. It was strange in that it was odd, and if he had felt this before, he was certain it hadn’t been this strong before. Or maybe it was because he was on the verge of a realization, and Baizhu was right there.

 

Thoroughly distracted, Jing Yuan didn’t notice Baizhu awaken nor Bailu leaving. He could hear the shuffling, but he wasn’t paying attention. “You’re looking a little red there, Yuan,” Baizhu’s amused voice sounded and Jing Yuan looked over at him.

 

The sun was shining through the gigantic window, highlighting Baizhu’s hair and glasses, and casting a glow on his yellow eyes, turning them golden, and Jing Yuan felt the air be snatched from him for the first time. Or well, the first time he’d noticed such an effect, and he inhaled sharply, in a way that was unlike himself and Baizhu narrowed his eyes in suspicion.

 

Flustered teenager? No.

 

This was different.

 

And Aeons above, Jing Yuan was having a hard time acting normal. He was already blushing, which was unlike him, the least he could do was act normally besides that.

 

However, the simmering feeling that had become a flare had other ideas.

 

He once again felt his blush intensify, to the point it was very noticeable. He blinked at Baizhu, and keeping his voice level, he said, simply, “I should check if any of the Seat members have a task for me to do. I’ll see you later.” With that, he left the room, but he didn’t go back to the Seat, not yet at least. He didn’t want them to see him in a state, and had decided to just calm down. He was sure he’d be fine after getting over the initial shock, but still.

 

This was bad.

 

Baizhu could only live as much as few more years.

 

He didn’t have millennia

 

He didn’t have centuries

 

He didn’t have decades.

 

Jing Yuan’s initial shock was immediately doused by that revelation, and he slid down the door, putting his face in his hands.

 

This wasn’t Dan Feng

 

This wasn’t Yingxing

 

This wasn’t Jingliu

 

This wasn’t Baiheng

 

No, this was so much worse.

 

Being Mara-struck meant Baizhu wouldn’t live long. He’d even had an episode earlier that day, who knows when the final turn would be? Jing Yuan once again felt that dark cloud come over him.

 

Baizhu wouldn’t live long.

 

Baizhu would die

 

Baizhu…

 

A man blessed with longlife, and a man whose life is unduly cut short…

 

Some might call it a tragic love story. ‘Cruel’ would probably fit it better.

 

Baizhu was destined to die

 

And Jing Yuan was in love with him.

 

What kind of fool does one have to be?

Notes:

I’m posting this at 1:40 AM oof

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