Work Text:
Sirius' face grew stern as he looked at Remus, the stoic pureblood mask his mother tried so hard to instill in him slipping on seamlessly. He usually didn't use the mask anymore, especially not around his friends, it made him feel disconnected and like he was hiding something from his friends every time it covered his real emotions "You're doing it again? You're going on another mission for that arsehole. In Europe of all places?"
"Dumbledore wants to make sure we have allies there before he does." Remus says, looking exhausted "Dumbledore been planning to get connections further around Europe for a while, just incase worst comes to worst."
Even with his pureblood mask on, Sirius' face slightly soured at the thought of Dumbledore. "He's making you go to the middle of nowhere, surrounded by dangerous people, for 3 weeks, to get connections? Vol-," Remus' face hardens, he shoots a glare at Sirius. "fine, You-know-who, hasn't even recruited anyone in Europe yet!"
"You should be careful about nearly saying his name. It could become habit. I don't want to lose you to some silly mistake Sirius," Remus says grimly, "Please don't make me mourn you yet."
"...."
"Dumbledore just wants-"
"Merlin's beard Remus, do you hear yourself? When did you start caring so much about what old Dumbles wants?" One thing that stuck around form Sirius' childhood that he was grateful of, was his parents' warnings of Dumbledore. They had told Sirius and Regulus all about the little twinkle in his eyes and his little mind reading habit that caused big issues. It was this that made betraying his parents for the Order ever so much sweeter, showing that he either didn't listen to their words of caution, or thought Dumbledore to be better than them.
"I owe Dumbledore a lot Sirius, and it'll only be for 3 weeks." Remus looks away from him, focusing more on his lap.
"What do you owe Dumbledore? Remus, why would you owe that man anything?"
"He's helped me since the start of Hogwarts."
"So have I! So has James, Lily, Peter and countless other people." Sirius feels his anger rising beneath his blank expression, which was slowly chipping away to reveal the sharp tongued anger within. Sirius had helped Remus through so much throughout the years, and yet Dumbles and his idiotic plans are more important? Sirius became an Animagus, a process that takes months at the very least, to help Remus through his transformations on full moons, just to be there for him. He has been there for Remus for years. Yet, after all of that, Remus still didn't want to stay. In the middle of a war Remus was more concerned with getting stupid allies for a dusty mind-reader than spending what very well could be the last days he has alive with someone who is supposed to be the love of his life!
"He's helped me the most!" Remus sighs, hands cupping his face, dampening his words "I owe him everything."
"What? He's helped you the most? What about us, Remus? What about me and James? The amount of times me and James stuck with you through your transformations, took notes for you in lessons, covered for you and your mysterious monthly disappearances wasn't help enough for you?" Sirius asks bluntly, his temper rising, fists clenching into a painful grip.
"Dumbledore let me into Hogwarts! Do you have any idea what that could have done him? To his position! To what he's worked for his whole life to achieve! I can't ruin that Sirius, he let me learn, meet people who could do magic like me, make friends, meet you." Remus' eyes drift towards Sirius, welling up with tears. "I owe him everything I have." Remus' eyes moved down, sticking to a position on the floor, his brows furrowing in slight concentration, focusing on not letting out the wet sobs that threatened to break free.
"No you don't, Remus. He chose to let you study at Hogwarts, he made that decision! The only thing you have ever owed him, was proof that you would do well with what he helped you get. And you did that! You got excellent marks, studied hard, paid attention in class, and you were easily the smartest among our little group. You've already paid him back Remus."
"No I haven't. If something went wrong it could have ruined him, and it very nearly did go wrong!"
"Oh here we go again, look, Moony, I know it was wrong but I was so fueled with hatred and disgust for Snivellus-"
"Don't, Sirius. You can't just blame that on you being stupid! You were smarter than that. It was extremely dangerous of you to pull that stupid prank, Sirius, if it had been any other student that found out about me being a werewolf, I'd be kicked out from the school with Dumbledore following not long behind, the parents would've gone mad, would still go mad in fact. Letting a werewolf live with their children? It would be a death sentence for me if they found out. Dumbledore made a huge risk with me. You don't understand how lucky we are that Snape didn't report it to the Ministry."
"I know, we're lucky that he's spineless enough to have not told anyone. But it was Dumbledore who made the risk to let you into Hogwarts! He was the one who did that, it's not your fault that he took that risk! And you've proven, time and time again, that you were worth it, that the risk he made that day was one of the best things he could have done. Remus, you don't owe him anymore."
"I'm still going Sirius. I'm doing my part in this war."
"Promise it will just be for the 3 weeks?"
"I'll be leaving tomorrow and I'll come back on the 6th, just after bonfire night. 3 weeks, I promise." Remus' voice sounded lighter, like he had already been gone for years and was happy at the thought of being back.
"You'll miss Halloween then." Sirius let out a sigh, exasperated. "Can't you convince him to postpone it? Or ask him if you can come back in the middle of it? The Halloween week?. We've always spent it together." Sirius met Remus' eyes.
"I'll try. But I don't think he'll let me. Look, Sirius, I'm sorry I really am, but I'm doing something. Finally I'm doing something good with the chance that Dumbledore gave me, I'm making it up to him." A bitter sweet smile crossed his face, one that brought both pain and kindness. "I'm going to go pack. Goodnight Sirius." A small sad smile crossed Remus' face before he left the room, not hearing the soft 'Goodnight' coming from Sirius as he slumped further into the couch in the dingy living room of the small cottage.
Their relationship had been strained for some time. With everyone in the Order trying to sniff out the traitor, nobody was trusted. Everyone suspected everyone, and that did not make for a healthy environment, especially when having a traitor could mean the death of many people, including families, friends and even unlucky bystanders, as was the danger of being in a group outspoken about their disagreement with what was basically a terrorist organisation.James and Lily had planned for Sirius to be the secret keeper due to the constant fluctuating trust with other members of the order, but- by Dumbledore's suggestion, they had decided to go with Peter, the one that nobody would expect. The Fidelius was going to be placed any day now, and would hopefully keep James, Lily and baby Harry safe. A smile graces Sirius' face, pureblood mask sliding of at the memory of his godson with the toy broomstick that Sirius had gotten him for his first birthday. Maybe him and Remus just needed some time, maybe after he came back they could talk more. Have conversations like they used to. Maybe they would find the same spark that brought then together, renewed and brightened.