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Published:
2024-12-27
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Cats and Bears

Summary:

If Ushio had to rank the members of Day2 from most to least annoying, it probably wouldn't take him much time at all.

Notes:

for @/MozeHATER on twt......

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

If Ushio had to rank the members of Day2 from most to least annoying, it probably wouldn't take him much time at all. First off, Muu-chan goes straight to the bottom—sure, he can be a bit blunt and doesn't hesitate to be a little rough sometimes, but he's still the best. People kinder and more understanding than Muu-chan don't exist. If Ushio had to room with anyone else, he probably would've killed himself by now, and not just because Muu-chan's just that great.

Everyone in the TOGURO room is, in their own unique ways, annoying. Idiotake is always screaming about something or another, and he's messy and touchy-feely, two things Ushio cannot stand. It feels like talking to a 7 year old with him, though sometimes, only on the very rare occasion, he can show the most teensy bit of maturity. Maybe Ushio can be nice and round it up to 8. Panda definitely doesn't get those rounding privileges, though. One second he's pretending to be all grown up and full of it, and the next, he's sucking up to the Chief or Doumeki-san. Screw 7, it'd be generous to say he acts any older than 3. And that stupid mug of his… with how popular HAMA Tours has gotten, there's bound to have been some people who've gotten into PatiBato in the last few months and compared him to Reito, even though Reito is perfect and could not even be 1% as annoying as Panda. He should be on his hands and knees apologizing to the author for how he's ruining Reito's image. He's definitely number one on the annoying list, and Idiotake can be number two.

Golem's probably third, then, which makes sense. He's generally quiet (though that can get annoying, too), and is way less touchy than Idiotake. And yeah, he's a pushover, and as stereotypical as you can get (like, imaginary friends? Seriously?), but that's way easier to deal with than anything that comes out of that Panda’s mouth.

He's still annoying, though, don't get Ushio wrong. He always goes along with the other two's stupid ideas, even if that comes at the cost of Ushio’s sanity. And the pushover thing can get really, really annoying. Does he think everything'll just end up fine if he leaves it to the Chief and Teach? (Well, if it's in Teach's hands, then it's probably fine, but the Chief is way too unpredictable.)

“Kiroku.”

Seriously, does he need to jump like that every time Ushio says his name? Ushio just wants to sit down, it's not like he's gonna yell at him or anything. Peering at the sheet of paper laid out on the table, Ushio's greeted with an explosion of weird scribbles and doodles. Guess Golem has gotten more comfortable with drawing in public, even if it's just the HAMA House.

When Golem turns back to the table, though, doesn't go back to working on his doodles, instead starting something new at the bottom. His art style's not the most realistic thing in the world, but without color, it's not hard to figure out what he's drawing. Especially not with how many times Ushio's requesting him to draw his beloved oshi. What, is it because Ushio called him by his name, he thought he was asking for a favor? It's like he thinks Ushio has ulterior motives or something.

It's… kind of fun, watching him draw, though. Ushio usually gets frustrated every time he tries to draw—it's nowhere near as intuitive as baking—but Golem sketches each line with practiced ease. When he reaches for his colored pencils, he picks slightly different colors than he usually does. Well, he tends to choose weird colors anyway. Ushio's more surprised that he doesn't bother using a reference, but he must've memorized Reito’s design already. Of course he has. Reito's design is utter perfection, peak that can't be topped no matter what. It's only natural that it'd be burnt into his brain by now. Honestly, Golem should've drawn him instead of that goat he drew for the okiagari doll, even if the goat was fitting in its own way. It'd maybe look like merch, and PatiBato hasn't made anything like that yet.

Moving his pencil to the side, Golem starts drawing a new head; Ushio's mind already jumps to Ouji, the only suitable person to stand at Reito's side. The hair's a little too curly though, and Ouji doesn't much such dopey expressions (okay, maybe sometimes in doujins, but it's for the plot!) Ushio's stomach churns at the idea of him drawing some other character, but like, Golem shouldn't even know any other PatiBato characters. And the pathetically sad expression looks kinda familiar…

“… Is that you?”

“… Mm.”

Not bothering to say any more, Golem goes back to drawing. Ushio doesn't really like that answer, either—if that's Golem, then the drawing from before has got to be Panda, and something's annoying about how buddy-buddy the two have gotten recently. And even though he spent a good chunk of time on Reito… Panda’s drawing, he seems to rush through his own. This has gotta be, like, an advanced form of PDA or something. Ick.

But then he keeps going, drawing Akuta, and then Muneuji. He's really capturing their essence, and he doesn't seem to care that Ushio’s there either, which is a little surprising, considering how he acted about the okiagari dolls. Even when he moves on to work on Ushio’s he doesn't seem to hesitate at all, like the guy isn't sitting right next to him watching. And he's not using references or anything, either. Ugh, is this some kind of “look how much I know everyone” appeal? So mushy.

“… Kurama.”

“… What?”

Golem's giving him some sort of look, and Ushio doesn't know how to interpret it. Does he want compliments or something? From Ushio?

“… Isotake… wanted us… to have our own animals… for the next show…”

“What, like kemomimi? Seriously?”

“… Mm. … There's… a lot of… that in your manga… and stuff, right…?”

So he wants Ushio to figure out what animals they all are, for one of Idiotake’s stupid ideas. First off, what kind of weird image does he have of Ushio's hobbies? And second, he doesn't wanna get blamed for any “mean” or “ill-fitting” choices. But before he can complain, Golem's already scribbling away on a different scrap of paper, cutting out his new doodles and placing them on top of the page.

“Isotake’s… a shark… and Nanamegi’s… a goat.”

So much for needing Ushio's help. That bothers Ushio, too. What, so he only needs help with his and Muu-chan's? That just makes it seem like he gets them less. And it honestly shouldn't be that annoying, because Golem's roommates with the other two, and the goat horns and fin are probably the obvious choices for them. It shouldn't bother him, but it does. Stupid.

“What about you?”

“… I… don't want it… to overlap…”

“You think me or Muu-chan would be bears?”

Ushio reaches for the paper, and Golem's hands awkwardly pull away before they can touch. That's not annoying, at least—Golem probably has sweaty, sticky hands, but he doesn't have to touch them like this. Quickly, he scribbles a couple of circles on it before cutting the shape out, not bothering to make it as neat as Golem's.

“There. You're the bear.”

“… Bears are cute…”

… Why's he smiling like that? A part of Ushio wants to take a picture and show it to Nanaki—who only smiles in front of who, now?—but it feels like he's frozen in place. That makes it sound like Ushio called Golem cute, and he wouldn't do that. He wouldn't, but that smile is kinda throwing him off from denying anything. Ugh, Ushio hates being surrounded by pretty boys. Muu-chan's enough, please and thank you.

“… Then… Kaguya’s an alien…”

“An alien? Does that even count as an animal?”

“… and Kurama's a cat.”

… Huh?

A cat? That's like, the most basic of basics when it comes to kemomimi. All the other ones are so unorthodox, but a cat? And he didn't even ask for Ushio's opinion!

“… Why'd you even bother to ask if you already settled on something?”

“… I just… decided. When you… batted for the paper… it reminded me… of…”

Okay, Ushio didn't bat at Golem to get the paper, he reached like a respectable person. Not like an animal at all. Golem can be so rude, even though he acts like such a coward all the time.

“So I'm moody like a cat.”

“… Cats are cute.”

Golem doesn't even bother to deny the moody bit, eyes focused on the paper as he finalizes the designs. Ushio knows he thinks almost everything is cute—even that weird egg—but you can't just say something like that. It sounds like he's calling Ushio cute.

“… Kurama?”

Golem's peering over at him, not even picking up how utterly ridiculous this whole thing is. But the cat ears are… whatever. Muu-chan looks good with the alien ears (but he looks good in everything) and the weird fin thing is so ridiculously Idiotake. There's nothing else you could stick on Panda's stupid head, and the bear ears suit Kiroku. Kind of weird and oversized and fluffy, and maybe cute, though probably not in the way Golem thinks they are. Ushio doesn't know enough about bears to know if they're annoying, but this whole thing has made Golem move a solid three points up the annoying scale. A part of Ushio's not sure if that's a bad thing.

“… The cat ears are fine.”

Notes:

i feel like next event will be ushikiro so if this becomes super wrong i am sorry. i also don't feel like this is romantic....... but it's meant to be. i hope you're having a good holiday season 🎉 this gave me motive to read everyone in day2's novels (<--chronic r1ze brain) so i was grateful for the opportunity.

i feel like this prompt deserved an artwork, i am not an artist but kirochan with bear ears is good

 

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