Work Text:
Itoshi Sae, no, correct that, Shidou Sae did not cry. He had never cried as far as he could remember. Not at his wedding. That was Ryusei who had cried his heart out while Sae said his vows. Not even when Sae felt like he was on the brink of death, pushing their baby into this world. Ryusei was the one who cried while holding their baby girl for the first time.
But now, here he was, pacing the floor of their bedroom. The room was a mess, chaos, much like his state of mind. He didn’t understand. His baby girl was crying in his arms, and nothing he did could calm her down. It seemed so easy for Ryusei to make their daughter laugh with his abundance of never-ending fun and loud energy, while Sae was the boring parent between them. He felt useless as tears began to stream down his face.
"Hush... Hush... It's okay..."
He hugged his baby girl tightly, his tears rivaling the cries of the infant in his arms. He didn’t know what to do. He felt like he had failed her. He wasn’t a good dad. The only thing he knew how to do was play football, and even in that, he wasn’t exceptional. Now, as he tried to navigate parenthood, he felt he had failed. He’d failed his daughter, he’d failed Ryusei. He was a failure.
"STOP!"
In a fit of frustration, he raised his daughter high, only to freeze as realization struck him like lightning. He couldn’t believe himself. He had almost slammed his baby onto the floor. His heart stopped at the thought. His daughter cried even louder, as if sensing the storm brewing in her father’s mind.
"No... No, no, I'm sorry... Sorry..."
Sae hugged his daughter tighter. He fell to his knees on the hard floor, clutching her in his arms. Afraid that his baby would fall. He should be protecting her from harm, yet here he was, the cause of harm in her life. Nothing he did was ever right. Nothing. What he had almost done was unforgivable. He had nearly hurt his baby. She could have died! How could he even think of that? Tears poured faster as he began to wail.
Suddenly, strong arms wrapped around him. The scent he was most familiar with enveloped him, grounding him.
"I got you."
Ryusei’s voice, once brash and rough, was now calm and steady. He gently guided Sae's head to his chest. The sound of Ryusei’s beating heart and the warmth of his body began to soothe him. Sae’s loud cries gradually turned into quiet sobs. Ryusei carefully took the baby from Sae’s arms. Their daughter, tired from crying, slowly calmed down as well.
Sae, startled, seemed to awaken from a trance. He pushed Ryusei and their baby away.
"No... Stay away..." He scrambled away, still on the floor, trying to distance himself. He hid his face in his hands, "Stay away!"
Ryusei stood and placed their baby in her crib before kneeling in front of Sae. He knew words wouldn’t help. Instead, he gently scooped Sae into his arms. Sae resisted at first, struggling against Ryusei’s hold, but Ryusei’s persistence prevailed. In the end, Sae clung to him, hiding his face in Ryusei’s chest and inhaling deeply, grounding himself in his husband’s calming scent.
"Why are you here?" Sae asked, his voice distant and dazed.
"Training ended early," Ryusei lied. The truth was, he had been monitoring the baby monitor they kept in their daughter’s room. When he saw Sae in distress, he’d run straight home.
Ryusei carried Sae to the bathroom and sat him on a stool while filling the bathtub with warm water. He undressed his husband and helped him into the soothing bath. As the warm water embraced him, Sae’s mind began to clear. Then the memory of what had just happened resurfaced. He remembered it clearly—his arms raised, holding their daughter high and almost dropping her to the ground. He had almost done the most despicable thing to his and Ryusei’s precious baby girl.
A sob escaped Sae’s lips. He hid his face in his hands.
"She’s okay," Ryusei reassured him, his hand moving in comforting circles on Sae’s back.
"I... I almost..." Sae couldn’t finish his sentence, his sobs overtaking him.
Ryusei stayed by his side, letting him release the storm of emotions. He wiped Sae’s tears occasionally, repeating, “Everything is fine,” like a soothing mantra.
Once Sae was calm, Ryusei helped him out of the bath, dried him off, dressed him in clean clothes, and guided him back to their bedroom. He sat Sae on the bed before speaking again.
"You don’t have to do this alone. I can take a leave for the season or—"
"No!" Sae interrupted, shaking his head. "You can’t. This is an important season for you. Your career..."
"My football can wait," Ryusei said firmly, his voice filled with determination. "You and our little bundle of mischief are more important."
Sae looked at his husband. The man in front of him was no longer the childish and rude boy he once knew. He wondered, since when had this man who held his heart become such a responsible dad for their little angel? Ryusei clasped Sae’s hands in his own, reassuring him. Sae nodded.
"Alright. I will talk to the club tomorrow. Your brother will definitely be happy knowing I won’t be around for the season." Ryusei kissed Sae’s forehead and put him to bed. "Take a rest first. I’ll check on our little striker."
Sae watched as Ryusei left the room. Before he fell asleep, he could hear Ryusei playing with their daughter. It seemed like Ryusei was teaching their daughter, who couldn’t even walk yet, how to nutmeg. Turned out his childish and competitive side wasn’t really gone after all.
As he drifted to sleep, the loud sound of his husband and the small laughter from their daughter flooded his heart with warmth. He might not be perfect. Hell, he might not even be good. But this little family he had was more than perfect.