Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Dylan and his friends sat in awkward silence as they heard the wind break another branch off the tree just outside his house and the rain pattered against the roof and windows so harshly that you’d think it wanted to join in on the sleepover. It was one of the biggest storms of the year, which was unfortunate for them since almost all of them were scared of wind. They were all 13, so they shouldn’t’ve been, yet they were for whatever reason. All of a sudden, they heard a knock at the door; it must’ve been neil!
He was a little later than he usually was. but whatever, as long as he was here, it’d be fine. Dylan got up and opened the door to see the feline with faded purple fur hidden from the rain with a small umbrella. he smiled warmly and waved as Dylan pulled him in while neil closed his umbrella and tapped the water off on the pavement outside.

“hi Nini,” everyone mumbled from under their blankets and in their sleeping bags. he waved back at them as he walked over to the end table and picked up the unplugged essential oil diffuser and filled it with water before walking back, plugging it in, and putting a few drops of lavender oil in the water before closing it and turning it on; all the while Dylan had wrapped the blanket he had draped over his shoulders when he answered the door over the both of them and was refusing to let go as Neil went around and did everything. once the boys were back on the couch, Dylan grabbed Neil by the torso and laid down, leaving Neil's head on his chest. neil never minded though, he was the one who normalized this sleeping position for them, so now they just always slept like this at sleepovers. Dylan loved feeling Neil's chest vibrate as he purred, and neil seemed to love both that warmth and the softness of dylan’s chest.

The sound of neil purring like an engine combined with the hum of the diffuser as it dispensed the lavender scented mist all over the room had somehow muffled the sound of the wind and rain enough to where everyone could sleep comfortably. in the morning, the storm had completely stopped and the sun was shining through the windows and seemed to be trying to blind anyone who was in the way. Dylan woke up to the familiar sound of Neil purring. he smiled as he began petting behind his ears. Neil began purring louder, if that was even possible. Dylan loved these kinds of mornings, where it felt like he and Neil were the only yokai in the world; where time felt like it stopped and let them lay here in heavenly peace. he remembered the time mom told him that heaven is different for everyone. they were eating rye toast together on the couch swing outside when she told him that this felt like heaven to her; getting to sit outside with her son as sun rays were beating down on their fur. Dylan had to admit, that scene being heaven sounded pretty nice; but this, laying with Neil on the couch petting his head as he purred, is an ideal heaven scenario too. after what felt like seconds, he heard mom’s door open as she walked out to the living room before stopping to stare at the kids as they slept.

“morning mom,” Dylan whispered as she shifted her gaze to him.

“morning, baby. how’d you sleep?” she whispered back with a smile.

“good, how was work?”

“taxing, but at least a slept like a rock last night. I'm gonna make breakfast, then your friends gotta go home, Kay?”

“can Neil stay a little longer?”

“no later than 9, Kay? i don't want his brother to worry.”

“ok.”

Neil's brother was a little weird; he refused to give his number to mom, Neil claiming the reason being ‘he doesn't like me giving his number out to strangers,’ but he also refused to meet mom so he wouldn't consider her a stranger. It frustrated her a little because she had everyone's guardian’s numbers just in case something happened and she'd have to call them. Neil also said he doesn't really leave the house, or his room for that matter, he just stays in there all day working. he didn't even leave to eat dinner with Neil or their foster siblings. needless to say, mom and Dylan didn't really like Neil's brother even though they never met him. Mom usually taught Dylan to not label someone until you get to know them, but he assumed Neil’s brother was a special case because she seemed to not be following her own lesson. all of a sudden, he felt Neil move, prompting him to look down to see his best friend staring back at him.

“good morning, Nini. slept well, i assume?” he smiled as he scratched his head, making Neil purr.

“wanna help me get everyone up?” Dylan asked as he continued to scratch Neil's head. Neil responded by reaching his arms and tucking them under Dylan's neck, signaling that he wanted to stay like that a little longer.

“ok then,” Dylan sighed pleasantly as his tail started wagging. they stayed there for a while as the sound of something frying in the kitchen as well as smoke wafted into the room. Dylan pulled Neil closer to his head so he could hear him purring since the sound of mom making breakfast was louder. eventually, Dylan sat up and placed Neil beside him. they both stood up and began shaking everyone awake. one by one they got up and began chatting and mingling until they had to go home and eat breakfast and spend time with their families. Well, except for neil, who stayed for a little longer.

‘Thank you for letting me stay a little longer,’ neil signed to georgia as he and dylan sat down at the kitchen table.

“It’s no trouble, baby, i get it. If you want, i could give you a little something before you leave,” georgia smiled back as she gestured to the stove.

‘no, i'll eat at home. thank you, though,’ he shook his head.

“are you sure? i’m pretty sure we have enough,” Dylan asked his friend.

“baby, don't force him to eat if he already said no. he's probably not hungry,” mom gently scolded.

‘i’m really not,’ Neil signed with a sheepish grin.

“oh, sorry Nini.”

‘it’s fine, i get you just wanna make sure I get fed. I'll text you a photo of my breakfast when I get home, kay?’

“ok, you don't have to though.”

‘you sure?’

“yea, but I am happy you're gonna feed yourself for me. you're all skin, fur, and bones.”

neil smiled at that as if it was a joke, but it really wasn’t; he was super skinny. mom actually weighed him one day out of worry, but it turned out he was ‘just a few pounds under’ and it wasn't too too much to worry about as long as he quickly gained that weight back. from the looks of it, he didn't seem to do that, but he also never dropped pounds either, so Dylan had decided not to pry too much unless he got skinnier, and since Neil slept on top of him every sleepover, he’d be able to tell.

Chapter Text

after a while, Dylan was done with his food and offered to walk Neil home, which he hesitantly accepted. he was always terrified of any of his friends or their families finding out what his home life was like. he knew it wasn't the best, especially since his older brother Godfrey had a lot of fosters, none of which liked Neil that much. he knew that anyone outside looking in would only see the bad and try to separate him from godfrey, but Godfrey was the only family Neil had left, if they were separated, Neil would be heartbroken. so his friends would stay ignorant to his home life, just so he could stay with Godfrey. Dylan and Neil had interlaced their paws and were as close as they could be to each other as they walked back to his house. they were usually really physical with each other, but tended to tone it down a bit when they were in public, the most they were willing to go was holding hands. they were both super big cuddlers, so they were pretty much perfect for each other. all too soon, they reached neil's house and had to separate.

“I know I'll see you at school tomorrow, but like, can't you convince your brother to let you stay another night?” Dylan asked emotionally as he hugged Neil tighter.

the American shorthair gently pushed his best friend away. ‘i don't want to burden Georgia, and besides, we’ll see each other at a school. you said that yourself.’

“i know but like- can i come inside so we can spend just a little longer together; please?”

‘i think you know the answer to that.’

“yea,” Dylan sighed disappointedly.

‘but you can have this,’ Neil signed before rubbing his head on Dylan's neck, leaving the cocker spaniel with a generous amount of his scent. he seemed to be satisfied with that, only giving Neil a hug in return before cheerfully prancing off back to his house. Neil purred to himself as he went inside, only to immediately be met with the usual noise of his house.

“Neil! you're late, where the hell were you for that long?!” one of the fosters marched up to him and yelled as soon as he shut the door. before he could raise his paws to respond, the foster grabbed them and squeezed them as hard as they could.

“with your words!”

“i had breakfast with my friend,” Neil muttered just barely loud enough for the foster to hear as he attempted to free his paws from their tightening grip.

“would Godfrey like that?”

“i dunno, go ask him.”

“fine, maybe I will,” the foster snarled before they finally let go of Neil and stormed off to the staircase, presumably to go complain to Godfrey. Neil sighed and flexed his paws before shuffling up to his room and laying in bed. he hated living with all the fosters. he got that they were dealing with their own stuff and coping with the fact they were in foster care in the first place, but did they have to take it out on him? he sighed to himself as he got up to go get a sip of water.
speaking of water, did he shower yet? even if he did, it couldn't hurt to take another. as soon as he got his water, he quickly checked the cupboard for towels, and once he verified that the upstairs bathroom was clear on towels, he reluctantly began taking off his clothes to shower, trying his best to not make eye contact with the mirror, knowing he’d only have even more trouble choking back that nauseous lump in his throat that having to talk to the foster gave him. he only really felt comfortable talking to Godfrey, anyone else made him feel like he was going to vomit, so he just didn't; or at least tried, since some of the fosters always forced him to use his words despite Godfrey teaching them sign. And besides, his english had never matured past his kittenhood, so it was probably easier for them to understand him signing rather than speaking. once his shorts were off and all the clothing that was touching his fur was his boxers, he finally broke and glanced at the sad excuse for a cat in the mirror.
the new and old cuts going up his legs, torso, and shoulders like they were supposed to be a ladder, the large indent where his diaphragm was, and finally, the matted purple fur that coated all of it. he just kept staring and criticizing himself for every little physical imperfection that he had. he hated his body and how it acted. he just wished he could be normal and not want to throw up every time he tried talking, or be able to take the bullshittery that the fosters gave him all the time, or not see his body as this disgusting mess of muscle and bone. he quickly pressed his paws on his fresh cuts to snap himself out of it before he took a step out of the frame of the mirror to take off his boxers and get in the tub.
as soon as the water was on and to the temperature he liked, he felt as it ran down his skin and over every fresh incision on his body, making them burn like fire. he ignored it as he pumped a bit of shampoo into his paw and rubbed it into his hair before getting a pump of conditioner and working it into the lower part of his hair. once he was done making sure the soap properly cleaned his scalp he leaned his head under the water and gently massaged it all out, feeling the soap rush past his cuts and making them burn more, making him take a pained breath in as he delt with it. if he didn't want to feel like a hot grate was being pressed on his shoulders, torso, and legs, every time he showered, then maybe he should think twice before cutting. but who was he kidding, no he wouldn't.
now for the worst part, washing his body. he hated this for pretty obvious reasons. Nevertheless, he got a pump of body wash out of the bottle and rubbed the gelatinous substance on as much of his body as he could before briefly stepping into the shower water and stepping out so the soap would lather up and allow him to clean all the skin under his fur properly. it felt like all his fresh cuts were third degree burns instead of little incisions. it made him have to actively breathe so he didn't start wincing and seething from the pain.
once the soap was properly worked into his fur, he tried to slow his breathing as much as he could before standing under the water and letting it all wash down the drain, stained pink from all the blood. wait, blood?! he must've been too rough. he let the water run down his body for a little longer so the most of the blood could flow down his body and into the drain before he got out and grabbed a small black rag he used to blot off any blood that he accidentally drew from showering off enough that it didn't get on the towel he was using. once he got enough blood off himself, he wrapped a towel around his waist and quickly checked if there was anyone outside before darting to his room.
once he was in his room and the door was locked, he sat at his desk and stared at the claw marks engraved into the wood. he has tried to tell Godfrey that he needed a new claw sharpener, but he never got one, so he had started using any and all wood furniture in his room as a sub. it even got to a point where he started using trees when he and his friends were at the park or playground. he really needed a new claw sharpener. but nevermind that, he had to dry his fur and put some clothes on.
he began trying to squeeze any water out of his fur and hair until he was satisfied and believed it was enough to not get his clothes soaked. he got dressed before laying in his bed and contemplating what he was gonna do for the next god knows how long. he instinctively reached over to the head board on his bed and began sharpening his claws on it. he really shouldn't, but what else did he have to sharpen them?

“Neil, you're helping make dinner!” one of the fosters suddenly began pounding on his door, making him flinch so hard that he nearly chipped off a chunk of wood from his bed frame. he got up and made sure the cuts on his shoulders were hidden before leaving his room and going to the kitchen and seeing the same foster standing there in front of the stove waiting for him.

“finally, c’mon. you start cooking the meat while i chop the vegetables. don't be slow,” the foster told him as they pointed to the package of meat sitting on the counter. Neil grabbed a pan and a spatula before cutting the meat free and plopping it on the large metal plate as he turned the stove on. he began chopping up the meat with the spatula as the foster started cutting the veggies just a few inches away. they wordlessly continued cooking dinner. once it was finally done, Neil and the foster had portioned everything out for the rest of the fosters and Godfrey.
they knew he wouldn't come down to eat with them, so they made Neil take a plate of food up to him. as he ascended the staircase with a plate of food for his brother, he couldn't help but worry for Godfrey. he didn't remember the last time he saw Godfrey out of his room since they moved into this house. since he had the master bathroom, he didn't think he ever did. but Neil knew what Godfrey was going through after mom had passed away.
he never fully recovered from the ordeal, and that caused him to stay locked in his room and not come out and left Neil all alone; well, that and his then new job. it even got to a point where Godfrey had to have his friends buy groceries for him and just pay them back. godfrey’s declining mental health had basically forced Neil to raise himself. most kids would argue he has a good childhood, he gets to do whatever he wants. he can stay up really late, go out to see friends whenever he wants, and eat ice cream for dinner with no punishment, but all he yearned for was Godfrey to be in his life; to be a proper guardian.
it got so lonely in the house by himself, and the fosters didn't help. some of them were civil enough, and some were very hostile. he very vividly remembers when one of the fosters had forced his head into the wall of his bedroom so hard that his head started bleeding and it put a hole in the wall. he ended up going to godfrey about it, and while Godfrey didn't punish the foster that did that, he did bandage neil's head and let him spend the night in his room. Neil would've been happy to see the foster get some kind of repercussion for that, but then again, that foster had left within the week anyway, so at least Neil didn't have to see him again. after what felt like an eternity of walking, Neil finally reached godfrey's room and knocked on the door.

“Godfrey, it's Neil. i have your dinner,” he called so his brother would hopefully hear. for some reason, Godfrey only ever spoke to him in dutch. he knew that Godfrey spoke English, it’s where he sort of learned how to speak it other than mom, but at one point in neil's life, he just stopped speaking English unless he had to and Neil eventually forgot what Godfrey sounded like in English.

“door’s unlocked, you can go get your food and eat in here if you want.”

Neil smiled as he went back downstairs to get his plate before rushing back upstairs and opening godfrey's door.

“pull up a chair,” Godfrey told him as he set down godfrey’s food on his desk. Neil grabbed one of the fold-up chairs against godfrey's wall and unfolded it before sitting down. they ate together in near silence, other than the piano music that was playing on godfrey's laptop.

“how was your sleepover?” Godfrey suddenly asked.

“it was good, how about your work?”

“good.”

more silence as they continued to eat while someone beautifully played piano in the background.
“do you need help with homework?”

“no, i got it.”

“come to me if you do need help.”

“ok.”

even if Neil needed help, he wouldn't dare go to Godfrey. he didn't know why; maybe a part of him was scared of Godfrey for some reason. Call it anxiety, call it something from his childhood he doesn’t remember for whatever reason, but neil didn’t care enough to learn more. after another bout of silence, the boys finished their food and Neil took their plates downstairs to wash them. once they were clean and in the drainboard, he went back to his room and laid in his bed, staring at his ceiling before he got a text. he picked up his phone to see a text from dylan.

DD:
Guess what u forgot to text me this morning

CN:
Oh shit, sorry

I guess it slipped my mind in hte shoer

The shower*

Texting you and actually eating

I only ate dinner today

DD:
Dude!

CN:
I’m sorry it just slipped my mind

DD:
How does eating ‘slip your mind’?

CN:
I don’t know!

I’m sorry really

DD:
Don’t apologize, if you really have
trouble with stuff like remembering to eat
then i won’t hold shat against you

if you want i could remind you so eat

CN:
It shouldn’t be your job to worry
about me eating, dylan

Thank you but this is something i have
to get over by myself

DD:
Ok

But if that ever changes lmk and
i’ll be right here every step of the
way

CN:
Thank you

i’ll keep that in mind :)

DD:
I hope you will or else i’ll make
you remember

CN:
K lol

Neil smiled to himself and put his phone down. It was comforting to know that even if godfrey was keeping him at arms distance, at least dylan was there for him. eventually, after a long while of staring blankly at his ceiling, he decided to plug his phone in, put on his sleep playlist, and go to bed for the night.

Chapter Text

neil woke up to his alarm going off, telling him to get ready for school. he slowly got out of bed and looked in the mirror as he realized he never changed into pajamas. whatever. as long as he changed right now, it wasn't any issue. he covered up his mirror with one of the spare blankets on his floor before opening his closet and grabbing a change of clothes and chucking his other clothes into his hamper and getting dressed. He quickly went downstairs to see the eldest foster standing in front of the stove making breakfast.

“Good morning, there’s some food on the table. So eat and get your socks and shoes on so you can get to school on time,” they told him as he walked into the kitchen. he grabbed a small plate and dished out some food for himself before sitting at the table and quickly eating it before washing his plate and going back upstairs to get his socks on. once he did that, he decided to check on Godfrey before he left. he went upstairs to godfrey’s room before knocking on the door.

“Neil?” Godfrey asked.

“yea,” he nodded, though Godfrey wouldn't see it.

“come in.”

Neil opened the door to see Godfrey laying in bed on his side.

“i just wanted to say goodbye before school,” he smiled sheepishly.
“come here.”

Neil walked up to Godfrey as he sat up. once he reached his brother, he gently pulled his head down to his level before giving him a peck on the forehead and ruffling his hair.

“have a good day,” he smiled as Neil smiled back.

“mhm, you too. don't forget to eat.”

then Neil left to the front door to get his shoes and backpack on before he finally left for school. it wasn't that far, so he tended to walk unless he really wasn't feeling up to it, but otherwise it was a nice calm way to start the day. just him, a music box cover of an undertale or deltarune song, and the slight brine in the air from the ocean. it was like a slice of heaven he got to indulge in before the hell on earth that was school. after a while of walking, he got to the bus drop off station and saw Dylan and hollie getting off their bus. he snuck up behind them and scared Dylan by harshly gripping his shoulders, which worked like a charm, since his best friend let out a small scream as he turned around and saw Neil.

“morning Nini! how’d you sleep? did you eat breakfast?” Dylan greeted as his tail began aggressively wagging.

‘morning, honey. i slept good. yes.’ he signed back to Dylan.

“good! c’mon, if we're fast we can grab a drink before the first bell!” Dylan grabbed neil's paws and started walking faster to get inside so the both of them could get to their lockers fast enough to have some time to grab a drink and get to class. when they were finally done and they got to neil's first class, dylan gave Neil a hug and a little kiss on the cheek goodbye before running to his class. Neil began softly purring to himself as he walked into his class and sat down. he tried to be as quiet as he could while he sat down and got what he needed for class. the bell eventually rang, allowing the teacher to start class, but Neil hadn't stopped purring. he started to quietly panic as he tried to force himself to stop purring.

“excited to learn about the american revolution this morning; aren't we, Neil?” the teacher asked, suddenly at his side. Neil just nodded his head in embarrassment as the teacher smiled.

“good, then I hope you don't mind starting the lesson for us,” he continued, handing Neil a dry erase marker before going to his desk and sitting down. Neil awkwardly shuffled up to the front of the class and began writing down what they were supposed to be learning about. he hated this class solely because of the teacher; he usually did stuff like this when he noticed Neil was in a good mood. a few weeks in, he learned that it was because Godfrey was in this class back when he was still in middle school and had caused quite a bit of issues for this teacher, so he assumed that neil would be the same way and started picking on him for little things, like reading before class started or coming into class purring. it sucked, but at least Godfrey was somewhat of a history nerd and would ramble on about various history things to Neil.

this made Neil believe that the reason Godfrey acted out in this class was because it was too easy for him, now Neil had to deal with the consequences of his tomfoolery, but at least he was in 8th grade now and only had a few months left before he was freed from this teacher's bullshit. all of a sudden, Neil heard the bell ring as the class gathered their things to leave. he erased the board as the teacher walked up to him.

“i asked you to start the lesson, Neil. not do it for me,” he scolded, causing Neil to frantically pick the marker back up and write ‘sorry’ on the board.

“if you're really sorry, than you won't do it again, understand?” the teacher scolded as he erased Neil's writing and dismissed him. he hurried to his next class before he suddenly bumped into Dylan, who was chatting with Penny and kai.

“Hi, neil! How was history?” he asked as he gave him a hug and neil hugged back.

‘The teacher made me start the lesson again, which made me accidentally do the entire lesson. Lucky i was paying attention enough on friday to know what he was going to teach today,’ neil signed into dylan’s back, allowing penny and kai to join in if they wanted.

“You gotta stand up for yourself dude, next time he pulls that, tell him that you don’t wanna start the lesson and that’s his job. He shouldn’t be relying on a 13 year old to teach the class. I mean, what have you done to suggest that you wanted to be teaching history?” penny asked as dylan and neil separated.

‘Nothing, i just have the displeasure of having the same teacher that godfrey did when he was my age,’ neil answered.

“So then ask if you can change classes,” kai suggested.

‘I have. But my counselor warned me that any other history class would be lower than the one that he teaches; that’s the whole reason that i’m in his class; it’s a high school level social studies class and because of godfrey that’s the best social studies class for me, but i’d consider going to a lower social studies class just to get away from this teacher,’ neil told him.

“It’s your choice, nini, and no matter what you choose, we’ll be here for you,” dylan smiled and gave him another squeeze before they all separated to go to class. Neil got to his language arts class and slumped his head on his desk. He didn’t want to be here. It was only second period, but he was exhausted. why?

He didn’t have a reason to be. Other than social studies, his day’s been pretty good so far, so why did he just want to go home and sleep for the rest of his life? He wished he were at dylan’s house, and they were snuggling on the couch watching a movie or something. He pulled his head off the table and was about to leave to get a drink before the bell rang and the teacher started class. He half-hazardly took the notes he had to before putting his head down and spacing out for the rest of class.

Once the bell rang, he managed to pull himself up and go to his next class, science, which he and bryson shared, so they could at least pass the time by talking before the bell rang.he sat down and waved to bryson, who was busy reading a book and thus didn’t see. Neil simply shrugged it off and put his head down to mentally prepare for the snoozefest that was science.

“Oh, hey neil. I didn’t notice you sit down,” bryson remarked as neil raised his head to see his friend looking at him.

‘Just using the power i was born with, i guess,’ neil joked back.

Pretty much every yokai has a power, and neil’s allows him to blend in with shadows if they’re dark enough, so he tends to use it when he wants to hide from someone, either because he doesn’t like them and therefore doesn’t want them to see him, or to jump out and scare one of his friends, mostly hollie and kai. Bryson’s just made him smarter than your average yokai. It’s a rare power and it does come with the drawback of a higher chance of depression, though luckily bryson has yet to even show symptoms of that.

“Hmh. anyway, how’s the morning treated you?” bryson asked.
‘About as good as it can,’ neil replied.

“And how good is that?”

‘not great, but not horrible either.’

“Ah, well i hope something happens for it to be a good day.”

‘Thanks,’ neil smiled as he signed that word just as the bell rang and the teacher started the lesson.

The head down space-out break he gave himself in language arts helped him at least keep his head up and take notes during class, which was good since this teacher wrote down the notes stupidly fast. After another eternity, the bell rang and released everyone to 4th period, which for neil and bryson, was PE. The both of them hated PE even though they understood that exercise was important. Neil hated it because it was probably the most exposed he felt since his gym clothes were a size to small for his liking and he liked going a size or 2 over what would fit him just fine, and since he usually wore t-shirts, you can see why this gets embarrassing when you throw neil’s bad habit with a pair of scissors into the mix. He just had to pray that no one, especially the teachers, noticed the fresh cuts and kintsugi on his shoulders and upper thighs when he was in his gym clothes.

Bryson hated PE because he didn’t like most of the stuff they did. He didn’t mind stuff like weight training or movement monday when they walked to the beach and back, he actually found those walks relaxing, but he hated when they played sports, which is what they did most days, so yea; PE tends to be a chore. Neil and bryson gathered their stuff and joined each other to their lockers before going to the gym and sitting at their spots, which were close enough for them to talk with each other as well as kai before the bell rang. So that’s exactly what they did, and when the bell rang, everyone went to the locker rooms to dress out, as per the routine of movement monday, and everyone got to enjoy their near 40 minute walk to and from the beach as they continued to chat. Once the class got back to the school and got back into their normal clothes and left for lunch the moment that bell rang. The others soon regrouped at their usual table with their lunch to chat about the day.

“Soooo, how has everyone’s day been going?” hollie asked as enthusiastically as ever.

“My math teacher gave us another pop quiz today, so that kinda sucked,” penny sighed as dylan sat down with his cafeteria lunch and put his arm around neil, who smiled and snuggled into the contact, making dylan’s tail start wagging.

“Oof, that sounds bad. How about you dylan, how was your morning?” hollie turned to the elated cocker spaniel.

“It was great! I got to eat breakfast with my mom, then i saw neil as soon as I got off the bus and we got to walk to class together, and then i got to talk to some of you after first period and all of my classes went well this morning, and now i’m with all of you! So i think my day is going pretty good so far!” he replied with a childlike twinkle in his eye. (for some reason, i wanna cringe out of my skin writing that but i also refuse to use ‘said’)

“Neil, anything good about today?” hollie turned to him and asked.

‘I dunno, i got to talk to my brother before school. My walk here was peaceful, and my language arts teacher didn’t seem to mind me taking a nap during class,’ neil responded.

Hollie then went around to everyone else asking about their day until she finally found a decent enough conversation topic so they could chat their way through lunch. She did this every day. Fishing for a good conversation topic by asking about everyone’s day. If neil was being honest, he enjoyed this part of the day, when it felt like it was only them in the world and the time melted away like a burning candle. All of a sudden, the bell rang, making the kids get back to the monotony that was school.

but luckily for neil his next class was one of his favorites, cinema history. he took it since he thought regular history was so easy that history about movies would be equally simple; and whaddya know, it was! he was getting As and Bs on all his assignments, and he was actually enjoying the class overall! the teacher was great, the students listened, and the assignments were boring as all hell, so this class was a good break before math, a considerably less enjoyable class. He went to his locker to get his things for cinema history before he suddenly felt a pair of paws on his shoulder, making him let out a short yelp as he turned around to hiss and bat at whoever scared him. Dylan backed away into someone passing by them before quickly apologising and getting closer to a now much calmer neil.

“Consider that payback for this morning,” he snickered as he leaned closer so neil could hear over the bustling voices and his tail wagged vigorously.

‘You cad,’ neil teased back with a smile.

“Anyway, want me to walk you to class again?” dylan asked as his tail kept wagging.

‘Sure, why not?’ neil grinned back as he quickly grabbed the rest of what he needed before shutting his locker and going to cinema history with dylan beside him. Once they got to the classroom, dylan went to give neil another kiss on the cheek goodbye when neil stopped him.

‘You have to ask this time,’ he smirked, knowing dylan would get mildly annoyed at this.

“Fine, can i give you a goodbye kiss?” dylan rolled his eyes, partially annoyed and partially amused. Neil nodded, allowing dylan to grab his face and shower his right cheek (i had to draw this scene out to get his left and right straight ffs) in kisses as neil tried to break away from dylan’s surprisingly strong grasp.

‘I said a kiss, not a shower!’ neil scolded as he lightly kicked dylan in the hind paw.

“Well don’t make me ask next time!” he teased back as he gently shoved neil.

‘You need to work on consent and boundaries,’ neil teased back, though he was serious even if he didn’t typically mind.

“If you insist,” dylan sighed and went to kiss him again before he stopped and looked at neil with a pleading look in his eyes.

He was asking if he could get one more kiss in before he left in their own language. For whatever reason, they could communicate near flawlessly with just expressions and looks. They’ve had entire conversations without a single word of verbal english or ASL. some people, even their friends, give them weird looks for it sometimes, but they didn’t care; as long they were both comfortable with it, who cares who thought it was weird that they were making a bunch of faces at each other. Neil rolled his eyes and nodded as dylan gave him another kiss before bounding off. Neil smiled to himself as he began purring while he walked into the room.

“Someone’s enjoying their day! What’s got you so uplifted this morning?” ms. azulene warmly smiled at him. He went over to the board and picked up a marker to reply.

‘My best friend and i were having a really good conversation,’ he wrote.

“Oh really? Was your friend the same boy I heard begging for a goodbye kiss? You can tell me, i won’t discriminate,” ms azulene’s smile turned more of a mix of cheeky and sincere.

Neil slightly blushed before nodding as ms. azulene lightly chuckled.

“Well i hope you know the school’s PDA rules. You know how strict the south tends to get.”

‘I do. And we’re normally more careful.’

“Good, i don’t want you two getting in trouble for something like that. And also i hope a kiss is all you do here, or i think i might have to give you both detention.”

Neil turned up his nose at her. Sex was never anything he gave too much of a thought about when he didn’t have to. If he was being honest, he didn’t really care about it under normal circumstances. Around his friends he acted grossed out to seem normal, but he didn’t think it was all that much to get grossed out about unless people were spreading rumors or saying he was having sex with one of his friends. Those two things were where he drew the line.

“I’m just teasing! Unless you two actually are getting up to something,” ms. azulene laughed before suddenly getting super serious.

Neil rapidly shook his head. Thankfully, another kid walked in, sparing neil from the awkwardness that was that conversation as ms. azulene turned around to greet them. Neil erased what he wrote on the board before grabbing his stuff and going to his seat. The class went by as smoothly as every other day and all too soon, the bell rang. Neil was lucky enough to have service learning next, so he could postpone the hell that was math for a class; he also shared the class with hollie and bobby, so that was kinda a bonus.

He got his stuff and went to the service learning classroom and saw hollie weaving through the tables, trying to burn as much energy as she could before the class started; which is a little in vain since her power gives her endless energy to the point where her aunt had to look for a prescription in order for her to sleep.

“Hi, nini! How was your 5th period?” hollie beamed as soon as she saw him.

‘It was good,’ he signed back as soon as he put his binder down.

“Great! my 5th period was awesome!” hollie smiled before proceeding to ramble on about how her past class went as more students began to trickle in until the bell rang.

Hollie sat in her seat as soon as it did and tried her best to sit still and pay attention for the whole class period. Neil was more focused on what he had to do for the class though, which was a simple busywork paper, so it wasn’t the most mentally taxing thing in the world and the class ended up being over almost as quick as it started. Neil started gathering his stuff once he finished the last bit of the paper and turned it in before waiting for hollie and bobby to gather their things and join him in his walk to his locker, after making some quick pit stops at their lockers of course. They walked each other to their classes and neil got to his just as the tardy bell rang.

“You’re one lucky yokai, neil. Just a second later and i’d be forced to give you a detention,” the math teacher sneered as neil rolled his eyes and went to his seat.

With a chunk of other teachers, this would’ve been a joke, but not with myrtle beach middle school’s 7th grade math teacher, oh no; it was a deadass threat. A threat he’s nowhere near afraid to follow through on, since he has actually given out detentions to students who were late for class by just a few seconds. Once neil was sat down, the teacher started the lesson. And similar to language arts at the beginning of the day, he haphazardly took the notes he had to before resting his head on his chin and taking a light nap until the final bell rang, releasing the children for the day.

Chapter Text

As the bell rang, bryson’s phone pinged with a text. He gathered his things and left the classroom as he pulled out his phone to see who texted him. It was dylan asking if everyone wanted to have a study session at his house and go to the beach afterward if they had the time. A motivator for getting homework done? Now that was something he could get behind. He accepted the offer just as everyone else did the same. He went to his locker and got his things together before leaving to the car car loop where he saw nānā’s car sitting near the end of the fairly short line. He dumped his bag in the back seat of the car before getting into the passenger seat beside grandpa before he drove away.
“can I go to Dylan's for a study group today and a beach visit afterwards?”
“sure, do you wanna stop at the house to grab a swimsuit?” nānā asked as he turned a corner.
“Sure.”
“Ok,” nānā nodded before he popped one of the cassettes on the center console into the car’s tape deck in order for the rest of the ride to not be awkwardly silent. Once he got to the house, bryson quickly got out and grabbed his swimsuit out of his closet before going back to the car so nānā could drive him to dylan’s house. Once he got there, he thanked grandpa and got out before letting himself into dylan’s house.
“Hey, we’re in the kitchen!” dylan chimed from the kitchen. Bryson went there and put his backpack against the wall with Neil and Hollie's.
“hey, you 3,” he greeted as he sat down.
“Hi! How was your last few classes?” dylan greeted back.
“Eh, they were ok,” bryson shrugged before hollie asked him for help with her homework. Due to her power, hollie tended to have trouble keeping her focus on stuff like school unless she got most of her energy out, which typically resulted in her not understanding the work. But bryson helped with that whenever they had study groups. Along with 10 minute breaks for every 30 minutes of work, hollie did marginally better than she used to with school. As everyone slowly piled in, they seemed to get their work done faster and faster until everything was finally done. The group took about 5 minutes to take a lazy break and change into their swimsuits before going to the beach. The only people who didn’t really get in the water were neil and kai. neil preferred to keep his reasons for not swimming personal, but everyone knew kai was super insecure about his body due to his dysphoria. It’s not like the others really cared, the boys didn’t need to get into the water to have fun with everyone else. They usually occupied themselves while everyone else had fun in the water between taking breaks to spend time with the boys in the sand. When they got there, hollie immediately raced dylan to the water while everyone else walked behind them. Hollie won, as usual. Dylan was never a runner. While hollie rubbed her victory in dylan’s face, everyone else set up their little cooldown station before getting into the water, while Neil and Kai decided to do their usual ritual of reading a book they agreed on together. the plan was to have read to each other like they were still in kindergarten, but Neil's mutism ousted that pretty quickly, so they brought the book they shared and sat beside each other and read it silently. it helped that they had a similar reading speed. about 30 minutes later, the swimmers decided to take a break from throwing each other in the ocean as far as they could to get some water and recoup. as per usual, Bryson and Dylan decided to peep over their friends shoulders to read their book alongside them, the question was whether or not everyone else would join in on the reading
“how's the book, you four?” Bobby giggled as she stared at the boys all smushed together to get a good look at the words on the pages.
“the protagonist’s mom just died,” Kai blurted out as Neil was about to give a thumbs up before giving Kai a look.
“Wait, that's what's happening?!” Dylan exclaimed as Neil and Bryson began chuckling to themselves while Bobby laughed alongside them.
“are they sad about it?” Bobby asked again once she regained her composure.
“they're crying while digging their mom's grave,” Kai answered again.
“oh no! how did their mom die?”
“antagonist shot her.”
“ooh, do you thing the protagonist is gonna get revenge?”
“it's like a doomed toxic Yaoi, so I doubt it.”
“wait what?”
“they were in a situationship then the antagonist got evil, so they're enemies now.”
“oh my gosh, will they make up?”
“for the sake of Bryson and Dylan, i can't tell you.”
“ok!” Bobby giggled before the girls went back to swimming while the boys went back to reading until they got to the end of the chapter, where Bryson and Dylan went back to swimming while Neil and Kai moved to talking. they talked most of the rest of the time they were at the beach, but after a few hours, it was pretty late and everyone's guardians wanted them home. as Dylan and Neil packed up, Neil noticed the former giving him a look.
“can you come home with me for a bit?” he asked as he gave his best friend his best puppy eyes. Neil knew he couldn't say no to those eyes and nodded, which made Dylan's tail start vigorously wagging as he rushed to pack up and grab Neil to his house. once they were there, Neil sat on the couch and let Dylan go into the bathroom to shower and hang his swimsuit up to dry. after about 15 or so minutes, Dylan came out and immediately hugged Neil and pulled him to lie down on the couch. Neil began to purr as he snuggled into Dylan's chest. they stayed like that until 5 pm, when Neil had to go home.

Chapter Text

the next 4 days of school passed just as monotonously as ever, and just like that, it was Friday and Neil was at home in bed. he didn’t really know what to do for the rest of the day, but that void was filled when he got a text from Godfrey.
‘could you come up to my room and grab the grocery money for this week? can I also trust you to go grocery shopping by yourself?’
Neil sighed. he didn't like grocery shopping. it usually ended with him having to take a decompression nap when he got home. at least the walk wasn't far. he picked up his phone and texted back ‘sure,’ before going upstairs and letting himself into godfrey's room where a few bills and the grocery list were secured by a paperclip and sat on his desk. he went over and took it before walking over to a now sleeping Godfrey. he sat down on his bed and grabbed his paw so he could hold it for a little before leaving. he usually tried to show Godfrey some kind of love before leaving since he usually didn't see him more than once or twice a day. once he was done with holding godfrey's paw, he left to get his shoes on, grab a spare backpack, and go to target. almost immediately, he felt the overwhelming weight of a populated store dropped on his shoulders, and coming back from school just 30 or 40 minutes ago wasn't helping either. he sighed and looked at the list so he could start grabbing everything. as he walked around, he kept having basic interactions with the other shoppers, none negative, but still draining to his already low social battery. he just wanted to go home, but he hasn't even found everything yet, much less paid, so he couldn't leave. as the dread of having to be in public for even a second longer set in, Neil felt that all too familiar itch. he didn't want to cut right now, especially when he didn’t want to put the groceries in his backpack for fear of people accusing him of stealing and it’d be weird to put all these groceries on the dirty target bathroom floor. he’d at least have to wait until he paid for some relief. all of a sudden, he felt a wing on his shoulder, causing him to whip himself around and see Kai, who was with his dad.
“hey man, chill out! i was just coming over to say hi, are you ok?” Kai asked with an awkward smiled on his face.
Neil calmed down and shoved all the groceries into his bag before putting it over his stomach. ‘yea, you just startled me is all.’
“oh. Let me guess, your brother is too much of a recluse to leave the house again and asked you to get groceries?”
Neil nodded.
“Why am i not surprised? How old is he again?”
‘27, and his birthday is in july.’
“27 and can’t buy his own groceries.” kai shook his head, assumedly in shame. “anyway, if you want someone to hang with while you're all alone, you could tag with us. can he, dad?” he turned to his dad, who nodded.
‘ok, i just gotta grab one or two more things,’ Neil smiled.
“can I go with him, dad?” Kai asked as he turned to look at his dad.
“I want you two to meet me at checkout isle 4 in,” he looked at his watch. “20 minutes.”
Neil and Kai nodded before they separated from Kai's dad to go get the rest of Neil's groceries.
“so, how has the hour we were apart been for you?” Kai asked awkwardly.
‘good, though I'm a little drained from being at school and only getting like 30 minutes to myself before having to go to the store.’
“oh, ok. yea i thought you looked a little overwhelmed.”
‘thank you, i kinda was until you stepped in.’
“No problem, dude. What else do we have to get?”
Neil checked the list. ‘Nothing, so i say we go meet with your dad and checkout.’
“Nah, we got like,” kai glanced at his phone for the time. “Oh nevermind we have 5 minutes, we should go meet my dad.”
Neil giggled as they left to to the checkout aisle that kai’s dad had said to meet at and saw him waiting in line with all the groceries kai’s family needed for the week.
“Hi dad!” kai smiled as he and neil walked up to him.
“Hey boys, have everything?” he asked back as he looked down at the two middle schoolers. neil nodded.
“Ok, do you need me to pay for anything?”
Neil shook his head and held out the money godfrey gave him. his friends’ families except georgia and bryson’s grandfather didn’t know sign language, so he usually resorted to holding up the answer to whatever the question was depending on the question, had one of his friends translate if they were around (he and dylan were pretty much attached at the hip, so this was the most common method,) or the tried and true writing out what he wanted to say.
“Alright, do you want a ride home?”
Neil nodded, and kai’s dad nodded back. He tended to be a man of few words. They paid for their things separately and went to kai’s dad’s car so neil could be dropped off at home.
“Is this the address?” kai’s dad asked once he pulled up to the driveway. Neil nodded and thanked them for the drive home as he grabbed the groceries and went inside to put them away.

kai POV:

Kai watched as neil went inside and couldn’t help but be curious as to what he was keeping from them just beyond that door. Some kind of hellhole house, he could only imagine. But for now, neil never let a soul in there on top of never telling anyone why. Dylan and bobby have their worries, bryson, penny and camila say to respect his privacy, and hollie is itching with curiosity just as much as kai is; but no matter the reason, to matter the yokai, neil won’t tell anyone what’s going on in that house.
“Kai, help me get these groceries inside,’ dad suddenly told him as he got out of the car, causing kai to realize they were at home. He got out and helped dad unload the groceries on the kitchen counters with mom, who was drinking chicha at the kitchen table and reading. Once all the groceries were inside, mom and dad began unloading them. Kai was about to help before mom stopped him.
“How long have you had your binder on?” she asked sternly. Before she bought kai a binder, she made she to do as much research as she could to make she she wouldn’t be putting kai’s health at risk giving him one, which she ultimately decided wouldn't be the case; at least if he took the appropriate measures to make sure he won’t be getting hurt while binding, and one of those measures was making sure that he didn’t wear his binder for more than 6 hours (or at least took 5-10 minute breaks in a bathroom or something if he was stuck somewhere he couldn't keep it off) and didn’t bind every day; which mom made sure to enforce no matter how much kai didn’t like it. But she at least let him stay in his room or, if he was on a break period, the house and made sure to stretch out his chest to compensate for it being compressed pretty much most of the week.
“Since i got dressed this morning, with breaks,” Kai replied.
“go take it off right now and come do some breathing with me!” she instructed as she pointed to the hall where their rooms and the bathroom were. Kai sighed and went to his room so he could take off his shirt and binder before putting on something baggier to hide his chest before going back out to the living room so he and mom could do breathing exercises and stretches. by the time he got back into the living room, mom and dad were done unloading groceries and mom was back at the kitchen table sipping her chicha and reading her Spanish romance novel before she noticed her son was back from his room. she quietly marked her page, closed her book, and got up to do breathing exercises with Kai. they sat against the wall and breathed together for about 10 minutes just like every other day. Kai always enjoyed these moments with mom. while she saw it as a way for her to make sure her son didn't suffer breathing issues from binding, Kai saw it as a bonding opportunity since they did it pretty much every day and mom even helped stretch out his back if he was having trouble. Once they were done stretching, mom got herself a second glass of chicha and went outside with her book to keep reading. Kai decided to grab his copy of moby dick from his room and pour himself a glass of chicha before going outside to sit with mom and they could read together and drink chicha.

Chapter Text

Godfrey had tried falling asleep for hours, but eventually, had just given up picked his head off his pillow to grab his pack of cigarettes and lighter. He took out one of the sticks of paper and tobacco before lighting it and taking a hit. He should be working if he wasn’t sleeping. Elliot would tear him a new one if he found out he was slacking off. If he was being honest, he was pretty scared of elliot. Elliot had been mom’s friend since high school and even stayed friends with her through college and when she got married to dad. He was really nice to godfrey at first, giving stuff mom and dad wouldn’t let him have at first, like candy, less restrictions, and other treats, and when he was a little older, alcohol. Godfrey didn’t think much of it at the time, but when mom got sick, elliot started getting… weird. He began getting touchier with godfrey and began saying how much he ‘looked like mom,’ even though everyone around him always claimed that godfrey looked more like dad and he started talking about a new business venture that he promised godfrey a position in since he wanted to help mom bay her medical bills so badly. He was uncomfortable, but never said anything to anyone but elliot. He closed his lips around the cigarette and inhaled. Easy in, easy out. That’s what got him through the aftermath of every tongue lashing, nightmare, and flat out sleepless night for the first few years they happened. His body was practically numb to it all at this point. It’s kinda funny actually, he pretended to be ok with everything elliot was doing at first, but now he has to try to react to anything elliot throws his way. A very much learned skill. He stood up and went to the bathroom to shower for the first time in he doesn’t remember how long. Once he felt as clean as he could, he dried off and put on clean clothes and grabbed his cigarette to keep smoking it while he sat at his desk to work. Might as well be productive while he was having another one of his insomniatic episodes. All of a sudden, his phone rang; it was elliot. He sighed blankly and answered.

“Have you checked our numbers lately?"

“No?”

“Figures. If you did, you’d be taking your job more seriously.”

“What? Of course i take my job seriously? Why wouldn’t i?”

“Based on our numbers, it doesn’t feel like you do.”

Why do you not believe me, i have been doing more than usual even so this doesn’t happen.”

“No you haven’t”

“Yes i have!”

“Look at the numbers. Right now.”

Godfrey hesitantly went to their company’s profit charts and saw that it was slowly but steadily going down. He hasn’t been managing the inventory like he used to. He wasn’t making profit quota.
“You have to make it up one way or another.”

“I will, i promise.”

“You said that last time, yet our numbers keep going down.”

Godfrey took a hit of his cigarette and sighed.

“I’m taking neil.”

“What?! Hold on, that wasn’t the deal; we had a deal!”

“a deal that you haven’t been upholding. So i’m only following your example. But, if you want, i could always sell that dingy old house you’re so insistent on keeping, and i’m pretty sure some of that older stuff inside will sell for a pretty penny.”

Was elliot really making him chose his brother over his fucking house?! The house that his parents had since they got married. The house that godfrey spent pretty much his whole life in. the house that held all of mom’s prized possessions. The house that had all of dad’s lovingly captured moments of their lives together. the house that mom had given godfrey in her will. the house that in it of itself, was godfrey’s only connection to his childhood and his life as a whole before elliot came in and ruined it. He couldn’t choose. The house, or neil? The house, or neil? The house, or neil? The house... or…

“Fine, if i don’t make at least 15% profit in two weeks, then you can have him.”

“Good,” elliot smirked before hanging up. It was only then did godfrey realize what he did. He just chose a fucking house over his fucking flesh and blood little brother. He went to take another hit of his cigarette before he suddenly started crying, making him take in more smoke than he meant to, which led to him aggressively coughing from the shock. Once he finally caught his breath, he decided that was enough smoking for a little and put it out with the ashtray on his desk before going back to work, but couldn’t hold back his tears. He basically signed his brother over to someone he knew would retreat him exactly the same as he treated godfrey. Oh god… what about his resemblance to mom?! Elliot had said he had wanted to date mom for years, but never could. godfrey assumed that’s why elliot had raped him, but since elliot had claimed nothing ever happened, he could never confirm. Neil looked so much like mom, way more so than godfrey. elliot didn’t care how old neil was, just that he looked like mom. The fact they were related to mom in any way and that she got sick meant that both of them were destined for a life of fear and uncertainty about their safety. He could leave, but elliot had put a tracker on him, so unless he ripped it out of his skin, or committed suicide, there was no winning, because elliot would find him and neil and they would never see the light of day again. He felt hopeless. He just sent his baby brother to his death; the same baby brother that mom had worked so hard to make sure was healthier than she ever was or could be. He couldn’t find the strength to work, he couldn’t find the strength to do anything but lay in bed and chainsmoke, but he somehow resisted and stood up to walk to his door, down the stairs, and to the basement where he kept the alcohol. he went for the cabinet that he kept the strongest drinks and grabbed a random one. he didn't give a shit if it tasted gross, he just needed something to numb the pain. he sat on the floor and pretty much chugged the entire bottle. it barely took any time at all for him to get piss drunk. he went to neil’s room, where he laid peacefully asleep, blissfully unaware as to what godfrey just did.

“I’m sorry,” godfrey choked out as he gently picked up neil and held him as close as he possibly could. “I’m sorry i can’t be what you need. I’m sorry that i have to work, and that i don’t leave my room, and that i keep you from being 13.”

As godfrey sobbed and sobbed into neil’s hair, he felt his sweet baby brother curl up against his body and begin to pur. Along with dad’s anxiety disorder, neil inherited dad’s clinginess and his constant craving of physical affection. He and mom had found compromises since she didn’t really like physical contact all that much, but as neil’s only family, (other than mom’s whole side of the family, who were off on the south carolina countryside of moncks corner) he naturally would cling to him the most, and while godfrey used to want his space, after mom had passed, he grew to enjoy when neil would snuggle with him. But somewhere around when neil was in 4th grade, he stopped being as cuddly. Godfrey eventually found out it was because he made a friend that was just as cuddly as he was, so he started giving Godfrey more space. it upset him, sure, but at least Neil could be with someone who would be more open to accepting random hugs, scent rubs, and lap snuggles. Godfrey was a little calmer now, but didn't want to leave Neil on his own. sure he had the stuffed dragon mom gave him, but he felt that a toy couldn't really compare to snuggles with a flesh and blood yokai for Neil, so he adjusted his arms around his baby brother and carried him up to the master bedroom. he thanked the Lord Elliot never got his sheets messy, it's suck if he had to wash his sheets on top of recovering from his raping. godfrey laid down on his back so Neil would be on top of him since he seemed to like snuggling like that and closed his eyes. Despite his thoughts going a mile a minute, he managed to fall asleep thanks to neil's purring.