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Josh jogged briskly along his favourite route, trying desperately to take in the beautiful scenery as the sun began to set on Columbus. He was currently running through a local park as evening drew near, the golden light making the surrounding nature glow.
Unfortunately, Josh wasn't running for enjoyment this time. This run was fuelled by nervous energy and anxiety, and Josh prayed that the exercise would help to clear his busy head.
The main issue at hand was that Josh hadn't heard from Tyler in an unusually long time. Normally, it wouldn't be longer than three days without some form of communication, usually a text or a quick facetime, but it had been over a week now and Josh had not seen or heard from his best friend at all.
Not only that, but Tyler had stopped opening and responding to any of Josh’s messages as well. Tyler would often leave Josh on read or not text back in favour of calling or speaking in person, but not opening any messages or accepting any calls at all was very concerning to Josh.
Josh was all too familiar with the cycles happening in Tyler's head, and how there were periods of time when Tyler would withdraw and force solitude on himself, where he would spiral into dark places in his mind. Josh was there when those spirals were a lot more violent, as much as he is here now when the spirals are more subtle.
The drummer kept running, refusing to feel the fatigue setting in and the sweat dripping uncomfortably off him. Each step was feeling heavier and heavier, but he pushed through the discomfort.
His mind was still reeling with possible scenarios about his best friend. Maybe Tyler was taking time offline after the most recent leg of tour. Perhaps he just lost his phone. What if he had turned it off to isolate himself from friends and family? What if-
Josh stumbled to a halt, leaning down and resting his hands on his knees, breathing hard. He tried to control his breathing and in turn reduce the levels of panic he had wound himself up to, and eventually he was able to regain some composure.
Looking up and taking in the general area, Josh had to do a double take. While his mind had been panicking about Tyler, his body had taken the initiative and jogged him into Tyler's neighborhood. It was a considerable distance from Josh's house, hence why Josh was feeling so beaten up by that run, but it was a blessing as well as a curse, seeing as now Josh had a completely innocent reason to check in on his best friend.
Josh began walking slowly in the direction of Tyler's house, hoping to calm himself down enough by the time he reached the front door. As he walked up the path, he tried to push all of his spiralling thoughts out of the way, for fear they would get the best of him and he would panic and bail out. Before he knew it, he was raising his hand and knocking on the door.
A moment passes, before Josh heard footsteps quickly approaching, and then the door was swinging open to reveal Jenna, looking a little exhausted but still with a warm smile on her face.
“Josh! Good to see you! Come in, come in, sorry it's a bit of a mess in here- the kids have been ill and I've barely had any time to do anything else. How are you?” Jenna waved Josh in and began walking into the hallway. Josh followed anxiously, closing the door behind him. He breathed an internal sigh of relief that Jenna hadn't questioned why he had just showed up randomly.
“The kids were ill? I'm sorry to hear that, it must've been a pretty stressful few days for you both.”
Jenna nodded in agreement. “No kidding, Tyler and I have not had a lot of sleep between us, but thankfully the worst is over and everyone is recovering. Did you want a drink or anything by the way?”
“No thank you, I think I'll just go and see what Tyler is doing if that's ok.”
“Of course, I think he's down in his studio, he said he had something to work on. You two have fun!”
Josh nodded gratefully to Jenna before turning and heading downstairs towards the basement where Tyler's studio was. A few alarm bells were beginning to ring in Josh's head as he approached the door to the basement. He knew that Tyler was unlikely to be working on music right now, seeing as they were in the middle of their new album tour.
The door was slightly ajar, though very little light could be seen from inside the room. If Josh didn't know any better, he would've assumed that Tyler wasn't in the studio, however Josh did in fact know better.
Pushing the door open, Josh looked around the darkened room. The lights were on, but dimmed more than usual, and the computer screens were all off, as Josh had suspected. The office chair was unoccupied, leading Josh to start peering further into the room, looking for his best friend.
It didn't take long to find him, as Josh’s eyes settled on the figure sitting with his arms cradling his knees in the furthest corner. His head was resting on his knees, and Josh's heart broke at the sight.
Not wanting to startle the man, Josh knocked softly on the door. Tyler jumped anyway, his eyes full of panic, before they softened as he saw who it was. He rested his head back down on his knees, this time on the side, his eyes still watching Josh.
Josh entered the room and closed the door behind him, before going to sit down next to his best friend, who's eyes followed him as he moved.
“Have you got your voice?” Josh asked, in an attempt to gauge the situation.
“A little.” Tyler's voice was gravelly, as if he had just woken up.
“One to ten, are you with me?” Josh and Tyler had been using this system for each other for many years now. One meant that they felt fully present in the moment, and ten indicated that they were stuck in a spiral and needed some help grounding back to reality.
Tyler didn't answer immediately, although Josh was fairly certain he knew which end of the scale he was on. Tyler's eyes looked tired, vacant, his face expressionless, and Josh almost doubted that he had even heard the question at all.
“Seven.”
“Ok, that's pretty rough, dude. Can you try to explain what's going through your head?” Josh reached out his hand for the other to take if he wanted to, which was quickly grabbed onto like a lifeline.
“Um… well, tour was a lot… and then my leg- and getting back home, but they all- they all got sick and… and I didn't know, I didn't know what to do… I thought about them not- not getting better and… I thought it was my fault because… because I've been away so- so I came here so I wouldn't- wouldn't make them worse…”
Josh wrapped himself around the man, his heart breaking for him. Tyler leaned into the touch, and Josh could feel him shaking ever so slightly under his arms.
“What if- what if they never get better, Josh? I left- I left them when they needed me- and Jenna- she's going to hate me for leaving her to look after them… I'm not cut out for this, I'm a h- horrible father-”
Josh quickly stopped the man from spiralling further into a panic attack by brushing his thumb across his lips and pressing his own mouth to the other’s temple. He cupped his best friend's face, tilting it so that they were holding eye contact.
“Tyler, the kids are all better now, Jenna told me when I came in just now. Everyone is happy and healthy… except you. Will you let me help you feel better?” Tyler's face relaxed as he took in Josh's words. He leaned back into Josh, letting the man support his head in his hand.
As Josh glanced over the man, he noticed a few details that stood out to him. Fingernails ripped down to stubs, clothes wrinkled, a fair amount of stubble growing in, and impressively dark circles around his eyes, paired with a deathly pale complexion. All were clear signs that Tyler had very much been neglecting himself for an unhealthy length of time.
Josh pulled his best friend impossibly closer and the pair stayed there for a little while, in the darkest corner of the darkened room.
The two men were more than comfortable in silence, hours and hours spent travelling in a van all around the country made sure of that. They both knew each other’s body language like it was their own, to the point where they could communicate effortlessly without uttering a single word. Josh treasured this ability they shared, although it didn't come without its downsides.
It was the way Tyler clung onto the cuffs of his hoodie sleeves with a vice like grip. It was the guilt in his eyes, the regret on his face, the unspoken plea for forgiveness that Josh hadn't seen in a very long time. Josh mentally kicked himself for letting his best friend slip so far without him realising.
“Hey. Let's do something silly. Shake things up a bit.” Josh wanted to get Tyler out of the studio, out of the dark corner, out of his heavy headspace, if only for a little while.
“... I don't really feel up to anything right now… I'm so tired, I feel so gross and-”
“Aha, I've got it! We're gonna take a bath!”
Tyler lifted his head from where it was resting on Josh's shoulder to look up at the man, eyebrow raised.
“You're… you want to take a bath?”
“Dude, long story short, my spidey senses tingled and I somehow managed to run myself all the way here from my house without realising. Basically, I've sweated so much it looks like I jumped into a pool fully clothed. And you…” Josh smirked as he buried his nose into Tyler's neck, tickling him as he pretended to sniff like a dog. The man let out a light chuckle as he tried half heartedly to pull away.
“... you kinda stink, bro. It smells like-” Josh gave another big sniff, “You smell like you've been rotting in here for at least three days, dude.”
Tyler pouted playfully, although Josh knew that there was a hint of apprehension across his face. Josh carefully placed a hand on the man's arm, looking softly into his best friend's eyes.
“Please, Ty. Let me take care of you. You don't even need to lift a finger, I mean it.”
Tyler looked down at the hand on his arm, then back up at Josh. Josh could almost hear the conflicts happening in his head, but he waited patiently for an answer.
“Alright. Let's take a bath.”
Josh grinned before he stood, offering his hand to help Tyler up. Their hands stayed intertwined as they made their way up through the house and into the main bathroom, where there was a huge bathtub that was more than big enough for two.
Josh guided Tyler to sit on the edge of the tub before he set about running the bath, adding plenty of bubbles. Soon the bath was filled and Josh was back in front of Tyler, who seemed to have spaced out again. His features looked troubled and his right hand was gripping tightly onto his left forearm.
Josh placed his hand gently over Tyler's, drawing the man's attention. A soft smile, a reassuring nod. Josh took Tyler's hand and pulled him to his feet.
Silently, Josh brought his free hand up to trace the hemline of Tyler's hoodie, an unspoken question. Tyler nodded, allowing Josh to pull the piece of clothing up and over his head. Once the hoodie was folded and placed to the side, Josh's hands were back on Tyler's, moving up to massage his shoulders, before trailing down to pick at the hem of his t-shirt.
Another nod from Tyler, who closed his eyes as he let Josh remove the garment. After that too had been set aside, the pair were once more facing each other.
Tyler's eyes were still closed, but flew open as he felt a hand on his cheek. The pair shared a moment of eye contact, both saying so much and yet not a single word was spoken.
They stood in peaceful silence, taking each other in, before Josh smirked and held both his arms out to his sides.
“Well? It's my turn!”
Both giggled as Tyler moved to take off Josh's jacket, fiddling with the zipper before removing it swiftly, quickly followed by the tank top underneath.
They removed their own shorts, but kept underwear on. Finally, they were ready to get in.
Josh helped Tyler step into the water, quickly following suit. They both sank down, sighing contentedly as the warm water washed over their bodies.
Josh watched as Tyler finally let out the metaphorical breath he had been holding for the past few days. All of the exhaustion, worry, anxiety and heaviness seeped out of him as he let the warm water soak into his body. Tears welled up and threatened to spill as Tyler’s tired mind could no longer push down all those emotions. Josh’s heart ached for the man, watching him experience these feelings so intensely.
Josh placed a hand gently on the man's knee, his thumb rubbing circles into it. He shifted closer, before hooking his hand under his best friend's knee and pulled him into his lap, much to the other's surprise.
Luckily, the bathtub was so spacious and deep that they could stay like this, both decently submerged in the water. Josh made sure Tyler was comfortable, before beginning to massage up his body. Tyler let out a soft sigh and let his head fall onto Josh's shoulder, sending sparks of happiness all the way through Josh's own body.
Josh moved his hands delicately, avoiding ticklish areas, and ghosting over the other… sensitive areas. That wasn't the point of this particular occasion. He focused mainly on the man's shoulders and neck, working out the stubborn knots that had formed, most likely from insufficient stretching before and after shows. Josh drank in all of the beautiful sounds Tyler was making, little whines and soft groans as Josh released the tension from his muscles.
After spending a considerable amount of time massaging, Josh moved on to washing Tyler's hair, conscious of the fact that the bath water wouldn't stay warm and cosy forever.
As he nudges Tyler to lift his head from Josh's shoulder, Josh notices his best friend's face was soaked with tears.
“What's going on, Ty? Did I do something wrong?” Josh worried that he had hurt his friend, or once again failed to notice him in distress.
To Josh's relief, Tyler shook his head quickly. “No! Not at all… you're doing everything so, so right, you're perfect. I don't know w- what I did to d- deserve this…” Tyler's voice wobbled as more tears welled in his eyes.
“Oh baby no, don't think like that. I know you're struggling at the moment, I wish I knew sooner and I'm so sorry for not checking in before it got to this point.” Josh ran a hand through Tyler's hair and swiped his thumb at some stray tears. “But I'm here now and I'm gonna take care of you and show you that you are worthy of all this and more, ok?”
Tyler closes his eyes and leans into Josh's touch, which Josh took as a step in the right direction. He gently adjusted their position in the bath so that Tyler's head was tilted backwards, closer to the water. Josh reached for the shampoo and squeezed a small amount onto his hands.
Taking the utmost care so as not to get any soap in his best friend's eyes, Josh started massaging the shampoo into the man's hair. Tyler's eyes stayed closed and he put his full trust into Josh, humming contentedly every so often when Josh's fingers would scratch soothingly at his scalp.
Once he had worked up a sufficient lather with the shampoo, Josh scooped handfuls of water over Tyler's head, making sure it would never trickle down over his face. By the time Josh had washed off the shampoo and was working in the conditioner, he could tell that Tyler was beginning to drift off into a doze, by the way that Josh was having to hold up almost the entire weight of his head. His little sighs and hums were sounding more sleepy as well, which Josh thought was adorable.
Finally, Tyler's hair was clean and rinsed off. The man made no moves to open his eyes, and Josh heavily suspected that he had at last nodded off. Josh was glad, because he knew that Tyler struggled with sleep, especially when he was in these dark headspaces.
Josh made no moves to wake his best friend, not until the water got too cold for them to continue staying in the bath, so instead he laid back himself and closed his eyes. Josh would have been perfectly content to stay like this for as long as the water temperature would allow, with his best friend safe and asleep on his lap, however Tyler wasn't as unconscious as Josh had previously assumed.
The man shuffled in Josh's lap, splashing in the water a little, and just as Josh was about to open his eyes, he felt a hand settle on his chest and a body nestle into his side. A leg curled around his own and Josh's heart practically burst. He instinctively maneuvered his arm to wrap around the man, with his hand reaching up to rest in his hair.
This was perfection, this was healing, this was what mattered.
“Thank you.” It was barely a whisper, but Josh heard, not that he didn't already know. And then, as if his heart couldn't be even more full, a kiss was being pressed into his jaw, sending fireworks through his whole body.
Josh didn't answer, he just pulled his best friend closer, intertwining their bodies even further. Tyler sighed happily as he relaxed into the embrace, and this time Josh joined him in dozing off as they both closed their eyes, sinking back into the water as sleep overtook them.