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It’s Christmas Eve at the Lester house. Dan and Phil are sat together on the couch, unaware of anyone else's whereabouts. Dan pulls Phil's forearm into his hands and examines it.
“Looks like the bruises are fading.”
Phil looks down at his arm as well, “Yeah.”
“You're not upset about it at all, right?” Dan checks in a low voice. Phil rolls his eyes.
“No.”
“Are you sure?” Dan asks, thinking about how it's now nearly Christmas and Phil still has an injury from the show. As fun as performing is, the break from work is much-needed.
“Me? Upset?” Phil says, and then leans into Dan's ear to whisper, “Your piggy?”
If it wasn't for the fact that Dan’s been adopted as the third Lester son for 15 years now, he would have died of embarrassment on the spot. Instead, he looks around to make sure no one else is there to witness his cheeks setting aflame.
“You're horrible.”
Phil simply grins at him and tucks his head into Dan's shoulder. Dan traces over the discolorations on Phil’s forearm with his thumbs. He brings Phil’s arm up to his mouth and gives it a soft kiss.
It’s right about then that Martyn walks in. Dan immediately lets go of Phil.
Martyn loads the decorations he's compiled onto the living room floor. In classic older brother fashion he notices Dan’s shift and chuckles.
“Well don't look embarrassed on account of me,” he says.
The rest of the evening is spent cooking and eating and being merry with the Lesters. Phil’s in the kitchen following his mum’s commands for making Christmas Eve dinner. She won't let him do any of the chopping for his track record of injuring himself, so he sticks mostly to stirring gravy on the stovetop amongst other things she's deemed Phil-proof. Dan is just outside the kitchen helping Phil’s dad finish the indoor decorations.
He overhears Kath, with concern in her voice, say, “What's happened to your arm now, Phil?”
There's a second of pause before Phil replies. “Oh that's from the show. When Dan and I fake fight. Nothing to worry about.”
There's another pause, probably Kath eyeing the bruises closer, deciding whether she'll take Phil’s explanation at face value. Dan feels a blush creep.
“Oh, Phil. Don't be getting yourself hurt so often.” Kath tsks.
Dan breathes out a sigh. He really shouldn't have pressed his teeth down on Phil’s arm. At every. Single. Show. But he really couldn't help it. There was something about the energy of the fake fight, the softness of Phil’s arm, right there in his hands. It wasn't like he didn't have parts of Phil in his mouth regularly. There was something satisfying and solid about having him there during the performance.
After dinner, they're sitting at the table playing uno. Phil places a +2 over the +4 placed by Cornelia for him.
“You can't do that,” says Dan incredulously.
“Yes I can,” says Phil, and brings his hand up to his mouth to cover his wide laugh.
Phil’s laughter pulls Dan into his orbit. He's ready to shove playfully at him like iron to a magnet, but he stops himself. Dan adds six cards to his hand.
Kath's concern is still running through Dan’s head as they get ready for bed later that night. Dan waits for Phil to come back from the bathroom.
“I shouldn't have been biting you,” he says.
“You're still thinking about that?” Phil responds.
“I just. I mean it left a bruise. I didn't think it would hurt you.”
“You didn't hurt me Dan. Well. I mean it was supposed to hurt. But that's the whole point of the segment. It's funny. Hey,” he pulls Dan down onto the bed and sits beside him.
“What’s making you feel so bad about this?” he asks.
And Dan thinks back fifteen years. Thankfully, the place they're in now is entirely different. He's sitting on a bed at Phil’s parents’ house in the room that's been set for him and Phil together. Because when they come to their house they come as a couple.
But despite the time that's passed, Dan still remembers what it felt like to be the 18-year-old on the precipice of his first relationship with a man, scared shitless. Other people had been able to see it, how afraid he was. It came out through sharp edges. His instincts were to push away, to shove, to hit. There was so much he still regretted saying and doing.
The first time he'd come to Phil’s house it had been when his parents were away. When he had met Phil's parents for the first time, it had been as a friend from the YouTube stuff Phil was doing. Not a dedicated online flirtation that had been going on for months. Years, on Dan's side.
And he had never been very good at expressing his feelings. He could never just come out and say something. It was either hidden under layers of bitterness, or it came out through action. A harsh word, a back turned. Too much play fighting. To the point where Phil wasn't having fun anymore.
“I’m sorry, Phil.”
“For what,” Phil asks, “you didn't do anything.”
“It's just. It reminds me of when we were younger. When I was so harsh with you. Like, what was I even doing.”
Phil mulls it over for a moment. Then he says, “Dan. This is not that.”
“I know.”
“No, but I don't think you do,” Phil leans over Dan and pushes him down so that Phil’s hand is pressing Dan’s elbow into the bed and they're face to face.
“Look at you now,” says Phil, “Strange, beautiful boy. You know I love you. I love how much you've grown into yourself, and,” he leans in to give Dan a kiss on the cheek, “How much you take care of me.”
Then he brings his mouth down to Dan’s arm and bites gently. Dan laughs.
“You’re gross.”
Phil gasps, mocking offense.
“Says the one who's been literally biting me on stage every night for the last 5 months.”
Dan leans up to pull Phil into a kiss. It's something he can do in the privacy of the guest bedroom. Their shared bedroom at Phil’s parents’ house. Where he gets to have Phil to himself, where—when they're finally ready to sleep—Dan is holding Phil in his arms.
--
The next morning is Christmas. After a hefty brunch and opening presents, they head to the coastline to walk on the same trail they do every year.
As he walks, Dan cards through conversations. First with Martyn and Cornelia, listening to anecdotes about how Freja’s year at school is going, then with Phil’s dad. By the time they near the top, he catches up with Phil and his mum who are at the front of the pack.
“We were just talking about you, Dan,” says Kath.
“Oh?” says Dan.
Phil laughs. “I was telling her about how you went and got a frozen face mask for me when I was having a migraine in Florida.”
“You treat him so well,” says Kath, “he's spoiled.”
Dan chuckles and makes a quip about the Lesters spoiling their baby son when he was growing up in return.
When they get to the peak, Dan takes out his phone to capture the view. He turns around to ask Phil for a picture and is instead hit by a shock of icy wetness. He reaches up to his right eye with his mitten.
“Ow.”
Phil rushes over to him. “I didn't mean for that to hit your face,” he says, apologetic. Dan can tell from his face that he's biting back laughter. The tip of his tongue sticks out.
“You twat.”
Phil lets out a giggle. “No, really,” he says. He puts his hand over Dan’s.
“Let me see your eye.”
Dan takes his hand off. Phil leans over his eye and blows warm air onto it.
“What do you think that's doing?” Dan says.
“Warming up your eye! It just got hit by a snowball.”
Dan snorts and swats him away so that he can wipe the remaining water from his face.
“Now we're even,” says Phil.
“You idiot,” says Dan. He reaches down to gather snow in his hands. Phil starts to jog backwards before turning around. The ball hits his back.
“No, now we're even,” says Dan.
That evening they're cuddled on the couch watching old Christmas movies. Dan and Phil are under one blanket, sitting on the floor so that Phil’s parents can relax on the couch.
Dan’s mind has drifted away from the movie. He’s looking at the fireplace below the T.V., thinking about how perfectly warm it is in the Lester house. Like stars making up a constellation, they’re sat in three couples across the living room. Here, he gets to be Phil’s. They get to be themselves, however strange to the outside world.
He must have missed something from the movie, because suddenly everyone is laughing. Beside him, Phil laughs and leans in, warm and bright.