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Sae immediately regrets his decision to go out. He received an invitation a week ago to join his teammates for New Year’s Eve at one of the local bars that supported his team. It's not like he had any premade plans to begin with, he just didn’t want to go–plain and simple. Social gatherings weren’t exactly his forte nor did he have the social skills for any, but he could practically hear that playfully teasing voice poking at the back of his head encouraging him to go. His heartstrings tug in his chest at the thought of his absent partner, though what could he do if he was in a whole different country with thousands of miles between them.
Ever since he started dating the demon from Blue Lock, he’s been finding himself in situations he would normally avoid. That all came in the package that was Ryusei Shidou, doing things out of his comfort zone, especially things that could be borderline illegal. His world that was once only shades of black, white, and grey, filled with nothing but the static of white noise now booming with splashes of gold, red, and magenta along with every other color imaginable and then some.
Even so, he finds it difficult to navigate certain situations on his own– situations like going to a bar on New Year’s Eve with his teammates who have scattered like bugs, leaving him alone at the bartop. He hardly ever drinks, a rare occurrence, since alcohol doesn’t help the body in any productive way. He let one of his teammates buy him a drink, it was pink (shocker) with a pineapple and cherry as the garnish. He is a little irritated at how even the fruity, sparkly pink drink reminds him of his boyfriend– the same boyfriend who hasn’t texted him though it is well past the new year for Japan.
He takes out his phone and begins to scroll, his most recent messages being ‘Happy New Year’ texts from hours before from family in Japan, the mandatory group chat he’s in talking about the outing he’s currently on. He stops at one of his recent messages under the contact ‘my demon♡’, a name he hadn’t changed since they exchanged phone numbers after the U-20 match from the year before. The last message being from the day before where they talked about their plans for New Year’s.
Ryusei had mentioned something about Reo holding a get-together at his place where everyone would be at, that and another “argument” he and Nagi were having. Said argument being used loosely since it was and always will be a misunderstanding that they’ll end up communicating about a few hours afterwards. He didn’t mention anything beyond who would be going, not saying anything about him accepting the invite, just a few crude jokes and suggestive remarks. Sae would never admit it— that he is somewhat bothered by the lack of texts in the past few hours. He knew how it would go too.
‘Happy New Year, Sae-chan!’
‘If we were together in person we could’ve totally started the year off with a bang!!’
‘If you know what i mean ;)))))’
He wonders if maybe Ryusei did go to Mikage’s party. He wouldn’t put it past him, he is and will always be drawn to the brightest and most entertaining places. He could see him getting absolutely wasted and probably causing Mikage a few hundred dollars in repairs, probably unloading a surplus amount of fireworks. He could picture the sparkle in his eyes when they’d go off in a massive explosion of color that would surely get the police involved.
Sae looks at the drink in front of him and sighs. He leaves the nearly finished beverage on the bar counter, paying his bill before making his way to the door. He doesn’t acknowledge the calls from a few of his teammates, not in the mood to explain that he just is not enjoying himself– to put it plainly.
‘Itoshi you’re leaving early?’
‘Don’t be such a downer, Itoshi.’
Statements that he’s grown used to over the past few years. It’s normal at this point, just how lonely he is. No matter how much he perfected the language- how much he perfected his craft, it wouldn’t be enough. Honing his mind, body, and soul into the one thing people cared about when it comes to Sae Itoshi, it would never be enough. Not even for him, not anymore.
Exiting the bar, a shiver runs up his spine as he walks into the chilly air. Although it never gets as cold as it does in Japan, it’s always cold enough for him to bundle up, but Sae has never been a fan of the cold— especially the snow. It’s not like he expects anything else, it is wintertime– but he went out to a bar when he would rather be home, his boyfriend hasn’t messaged him, and it's cold as shit outside. Luck just wasn’t on his side today, but then again, when has it ever.
He wraps the thick scarf around his neck, keeping the lower half of his face covered as he walks through the crowded streets. He’s happy to be free from the stuffiness of the bar; the air may be cold, but it’s fresh and open. People are crowding the streets, if not diving into bars then heading to the clock tower in Puerta de Sol where the countdown will be. His condo isn’t too far from his current location–he figures a night of ice cream while watching the countdown on the TV will be as good as it gets.
He heads in the opposite direction from everyone else, bumping into some who are very obviously tourists while mumbling incomprehensible apologies under his breath. He gets to a crosswalk just when it says to stop, he sighs as he keeps his hands burrowed in his pockets. Suddenly, his phone begins to vibrate within the confines of his coat, the ringtone very familiar and assigned to one person only. Taking it out, he reads the screen that displays ‘my demon♡’, and he answers quicker than he would like to admit.
“Hello?” He says and the response is nothing short of what he expects.
“Sae-chaann!~ I’ve missed your voice so much~♪” His boyfriend singsongs into his ear.
Sae blushes, though that could be just from the sudden breeze and not the fact that his heartbeat quickens, “We just talked a few days ago.”
There’s an exasperated gasp on the other side of the line, “A few days is too long! This issue would be solved if we moved in together.”
“Have you scored ten goals?” Sae watches as he waits for the crosswalk to change signals.
“Are you kidding? I’ve scored at least fifteen by now, which means we move in and go on a vacation at this point! As long as you include the three from U-20!”
“Two.”
“Then explain how I’m able to call you right now.~”
“Touché,” Sae could practically feel the smirk through the phone. “Anyways, why are you awake? Isn’t it early for you right now?”
“Eh, not really. Guess you can say I couldn’t sleep without wishing my pretty boy a happy new year.”
Sae looks at his phone before putting it back to his ear, “Well you’re about forty-five minutes early, you should sleep some more.”
“Aww, but what about our first New Year’s kiss?” Ryusei whines, Sae picturing the very obvious pout.
“I mean that’s kinda hard to do when you’re across the world.”
“Try across the street.”
Sae’s eyebrows furrow, “What?”
A car suddenly honks, taking Sae out of the conversation momentarily. The traffic at this time of year is no joke, everyone trying to get to their destinations on time. But what he focuses on is the fact he can hear the echo of the same sound through the phone. His eyes trail to the other side of the crosswalk, and just a short distance away he can see the familiar shape of spiked blonde hair melding into blush pink at the ends. The figure waving at him through the crowd, phone in hand if he isn’t obvious enough, the bright and joyous smile sprawled across his face, eyes crinkled into crescents shaped by thick blonde eyelashes and signature black eyeliner.
The signal changes and Sae walks on autopilot– a million thoughts in his head and a million butterflies in his stomach, the alcohol from earlier making him feel all the fuzzy feelings he could normally keep under wraps. God, he hates being a lightweight. He takes the last few steps before coming face to face with his surprise, finally seeing the magenta irises peek through blonde lashes. Ryusei hangs up the phone which makes Sae realize he also had the call still going before hanging up as well. Sae can’t seem to find the words to express how he’s feeling, though it wouldn’t be the first time, and Ryusei, being the most patient person in the world (only when it comes to his boyfriend), just holds a soft look in his eyes.
Without a word, the blonde wraps his arms around the redhead, uncaring of the passersby having to walk around them. Sae returns the embrace just as quickly, burrowing his face in the warmth between the other’s neck and shoulder. He feels lips graze his neck beneath the scarf before a kiss is placed there, his shoulders scrunching up slightly from the sudden affection. Ryusei chuckles to himself before standing back slightly only to place another kiss on Sae’s forehead. Ryusei follows Sae’s lead when he shifts them out of the way from the crosswalk.
Sae feels many things but is a man of few words. “How did you even get a flight so last minute?” He asks, unmoving.
Leaning back the slightest, Ryusei winks, “I have my ways. Totally legal ways, don’t worry your pretty little head.”
Sae isn’t sure about the mischievous tone behind the reassurance, but doesn’t question any further. Normally he would stand by whatever antics his boyfriend commits, so long as it’s not completely over-the-top illegal stunts, but he’s here now and there is no sign of police or sirens so that has to count for something.
He changes to a more obvious topic, “Were you just wandering around?”
The blonde shrugs, playfully avoiding the other’s gaze, “I had a hunch on where you would be.”
Sae pauses, his eyes narrowing, “Did you stalk my teammates’ socials again?”
“I wanted to surprise you!”
Sae can’t say he is surprised, this isn’t the first time he’s been extra about surprising him, nor is it the craziest. Sae sighs, “Well…consider me surprised.”
“Speaking of which,” Ryusei takes Sae’s face in his hands, squeezing slightly. “I thought my sweet pea was going out.”
Sae furrows his eyebrows, speaking through squished lips, “Change of plans.”
Ryusei can’t resist and places a quick kiss on Sae’s lips, “That’s fine. Where are we headed then?”
The blonde moves and takes Sae's hand in his, the other holding the duffel bag he is traveling with. Sae lets their hands interlace as they begin walking in the direction he was originally heading, “I was probably going to go back to the condo.”
“Aw, you tired already, Sae-chan? That’s okay, I know how you get with the cold.” Ryusei teases. They walk in silence for a moment, only a few blocks away from Sae’s condo. Sae shivers again and Ryusei tightens his grip, comforting. They suddenly stop and Sae finds himself being tugged into another direction, Ryusei speaking before Sae could question anything, “Let’s cut through here.”
Through here is one of the pop-up night markets, themed for the holidays and practically booming even at the late hour. Sae wants to protest, but he sees the glimmer in his boyfriend’s eyes and immediately pushes aside any complaints that threaten to fall from his tongue– something he’s been working on since they started dating.
They walk through the main passageway, hanging twinkling lights guiding them down the aisle, the combined scents of different foods lingering in the air. Children laughing and playing while staying close to their parents, some holding sparklers in their hands that have yet to be lit. Sae follows Ryusei as he looks at a few stalls, simply window shopping while Sae translates tiredly. He watches as Ryusei looks excitedly at everything, he looks down at their interlaced hands, watching himself get tugged along.
A part of him can’t understand how patient Ryusei has been with him all this time. Affection doesn’t come naturally to Sae, at least not the normalcy that comes with dating. He admits that he knows nothing about romantic relationships– let alone dating. Yet that didn’t hinder Ryusei from pursuing him, which was surprising on its own. Sae feels himself to be boring outside of the pitch. He isn’t exactly anyone’s first choice to hang out with, and yet Ryusei wants to do everything with him.
When they started dating, contrary to popular belief, he went along with most of Ryusei’s hijinks. Though surprisingly, they weren’t all misdemeanors. He learned how entranced Ryusei was when it came to art. One of their first dates was at an art museum in Japan and he’d listen to him ramble on and on about what each piece depicted in his eyes. For Sae, it was interesting to see how Ryusei’s mind worked- how he viewed things around him, how he would even cry over some pieces because he could see when the artist lost their spark. For Sae, he wanted to learn more about Ryusei. For Ryusei, he wanted to show Sae more than what he knew.
Don’t get it wrong, it was hard, especially with Sae’s inability to properly communicate, but Ryusei somehow developed the patience it took to handle those kinds of situations. At least when it came to Sae, though he probably couldn’t say he has had that same level of patience for everyone else. He had to learn Sae’s boundaries, sometimes the hard way that came with the silent treatment which had more weight to it considering the long distance. Then Sae had to learn he couldn’t keep running from situations especially when it came to relationships he cared about, though some were more difficult to mend than others.
Flooding in his thoughts, Sae finds himself leaning against Ryusei’s stature. His boyfriend was right about him; the cold makes him feel sleepier and he isn’t used to staying up this late since he keeps to his sleep routine. Sae feels a pair of lips press to the crown of his head before following the other’s lead as they make their way out of the little market. It was cute and nice, if anything he is happier to see Ryusei enjoy himself- the last minute surprise was enough, now he is selfishly wanting to see more of that joyous expression, it is just his own sleepiness getting in the way of that.
Sae lets Ryusei guide him across the blocks, the blonde knows the route just as much as he does, he trusts him to get them there in one piece. They arrive at the complex, they work in tandem as Sae hands over his keys and Ryusei takes them and unlocks the main door to the building. They walk together towards the elevator, boarding just before the doors can close. Sae finds himself completely leaning against Ryusei now and the other doesn’t seem to mind one bit, but Sae knows he fully enjoys it. After a few seconds, they exit the elevator to the top floor and Sae prepares to collapse on his couch the second they enter the room. However, he’s stunted when Ryusei pulls him along and past the door to his home.
“Where are you-” He’s cut off when Ryusei turns to press another kiss on his lips, just enough of a distraction before he’s getting pulled along again. He follows him into the staircase where they go up a short set of stairs. “Ryusei-” his protests are cut short when a door opens and he is once again met with the unforgiving chill air of the night.
Ryusei lets go of Sae’s hand, skipping over to the ledge, “Look, we'll still have a view of the fireworks!” he exclaims excitedly while looking at the bright city. Even though the clock tower is a distance away, they would still get a view of the fireworks- a damn near perfect view honestly. The blonde turns to see Sae taking short and slow steps towards him, he giggles a little under his breath as he meets him in the middle, “I’ll keep you warm.” he says as he brings him in for another hug, Sae welcoming it wholeheartedly.
There’s cheering and laughter coming from the streets below but it all falls on deaf ears. The breeze is quiet and cool as the couple stays in place a bit longer. Suddenly, Ryusei pushes himself back, much to Sae’s displeasure, his hands gripping his shoulders, “I nearly forgot,” he rummages through his duffle bag before pulling out two sticks, a wide grin on his face. “I got us these.”
Sparklers.
Sae blinks, “When did you buy- no, how did you buy these?”
“With money.”
“Really?”
“No, I stole them.” Ryusei says simply, though he doesn’t miss his partner’s sigh. “What? What kind of New Year’s would this be without explosives? Who do you think I am?”
Sae shakes his head, “You’re right, I shouldn’t be surprised at this point.”
“How much time is left?” Ryusei asks as he sets the sparkler sticks off to the side.
Sae takes out his phone to look at the time.
11:50
“Ten minutes.” he answers.
“In that case we can- Sae-chan!” Ryusei looks over to see Sae sitting down against the wall. He smiles as his shoulders slump. “You that tired?”
Sae nods, his cheeks red and eyes droopy from the cold. Ryusei crouches down in front of him, raising a gentle finger to dust away one of the other’s long lashes that had shed and fallen on his cheek. A true tragedy.
“You did go out earlier. Did you drink?” The blonde asks.
“Very little.” Sae mumbles, his eyes still closed. “It kinda looked like you, the drink.”
“Aw, you missed me that much.” Ryusei teases, maneuvering them both so that he’s seated against the wall with Sae’s back to his chest.
Sae melts into the embrace, especially when the other snakes his arms around him securely. He is positive he could fall asleep within the next ten minutes, letting his eyes shut as he focuses on the rise and fall of Ryusei’s chest against him. They hear another roar from the people below, some early bird fireworks off in the far distance done by people who simply cannot wait. Sae knows that’s how Ryusei would be– that he’d be setting off fireworks hours in advance, annoying everyone everywhere without a care. Hell, he’d do it on a random Wednesday simply because he would want to.
Instead, he’s here on a quiet rooftop holding his tired boyfriend, and that slithering sense of insecurity crawls its way into Sae’s mind again, threatening to take root. Wondering why he’s stayed this long, why he continues to put up with him, why he’s here when he could be somewhere more exciting. Wondering why he would choose a life with someone who doesn’t know a single thing about anything but soccer when he could find something better to chase after. Loving Ryusei is easy, it is showing it that came harder.
Sae was always afraid everything he did would never be enough, just like everything else, at least in his eyes. The lingering anxiety that dwelled and fed into his dark thoughts and insecurities, puncturing deep and thick roots that spread into minuscule threads that would make it nearly impossible to remove, leaving all aspects of life in ruin.
Then came the demon, the one painted in gold and fuschia, telling the monster to fuck off before incinerating the roots to the very core and dragging Sae into a world of hues he didn’t know existed. A world warmer and brighter than the one he knew- the one he was always trapped in. To have come across someone so understanding and so eager to keep him for himself, Sae never thought anyone could want him this badly.
Sae feels the arms around him tighten just the slightest, taking him out of his thoughts. Ryusei’s chin is resting against his shoulder, his expression soft.
“I accepted a contract in France.” Ryusei says through the silence. “So we’ll be able to see each other more often.”
Sae leans his head against the other’s, “Did you get anything from Spain?”
The blonde snickers at the question, “Why? You gonna complain to your fancy board if I didn’t? Say you won’t play if it’s not with me like you did for U-20?”
Sae scoffs, “I wish Dabadie never told you that.”
“It’s sweet to know how determined you were to play with me, and now look at us!” Ryusei gives him a squeeze and kisses his cheek. He leans back again, keeping Sae close, “The team in France had a nice offer. I didn’t really look into any others, plus I’ve played with a few of them before. But if any specific teams wanna make an offer, I’ll take any bribe that lets me play with Sae-chan again.~”
“Go with whoever you like.” Sae mumbles.
“Speaking of which,” Ryusei perks up. “I learned some French stuff since my time with PXG. Tryna be smart for you, ya know?”
Sae hums, “What did you learn?”
“Va te faire foutre.”
“What does that mean?”
“Go fuck yourself.”
“What?!” Sae sits forward.
“Not you!” Ryusei pulls him back and Sae falls easily.
Sae gets himself comfortable again, “Hm, what else?”
“Casse-toi, you’d like that one. It means to get lost but in a rude way.” Ryusei smiles, thinking of other choice words he knows. “Espèce de sous-merde aussi is another one of my favorites, it means you’re not even worth a shit.”
Sae can’t help the small smile that formed on his lips, “Seems like a specific set of words and phrases you were focusing on.” He leans his head against the other’s again. “Any other choice phrases you learned?”
Ryusei shrugs, “A few here and there.”
Then it’s quiet again. Sae figures there’s no more than five minutes until midnight, if the increased volume of cheers coming from the clamoring people below is any indication. Then Ryusei speaks again, low and quiet- intimate.
“Tu es l’amour de ma vie.”
Sae’s heart stutters, he knows what at least one of those words means, but he still plays into it, “What does that one mean?”
Ryusei smiles into the exposed part of Sae’s neck, “It’s a secret.”
Sae lets out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding, “You know, this is actually the first New Year’s I’ve spent with someone in…six years.”
Ryusei hums, “And how are you liking it?”
“Well all things considered, it’s different but not at all in a bad way.” He shifts a little. “Sorry it’s not as entertaining as you’d like.”
Ryusei shakes his head, holding Sae just a bit tighter, “I’m here with you and you’re here with me, that’s all that matters to me.”
Sae peers over, taking in the other’s completely soft and content expression as he continues to rest on his shoulder; his eyes closed and a small smile on his lips. If Sae had any more to drink, he would’ve probably ended up crying. Yet even with just one, he feels his eyes becoming glassy, though he can’t blame it all on the alcohol. They haven’t been together as long as most couples, and yet Sae has managed to somehow become as comfortable as he is when it comes to Ryusei, someone who is completely out of his comfort zone. But Sae trusts him like he always has– he’s trusted him since before their relationship and continues to now.
BOOM
The sudden sound takes them both out of their bubble of blissful silence. Ryusei giggles as he scrambles to his feet before tugging Sae up as well. They walk closer to the ledge as the fireworks explode across the sky, the bell from the clock tower ringing in the new year as people celebrate throughout the streets.
Sae is the first to move, blame it on the alcohol or toss away any idea of an excuse as he reaches up to cup the other’s cheeks, cutting off his happy new year mid-sentence and bringing their lips together.
They move in sync just like many times before. It’s delicate and eager from the initial touch. It’s needy and desperate from too many months in between, yet hopeful and secure for what is to come. And Sae never wants it to end. He pulls away for air and Ryusei grabs his face to capture his lips again, the impatience apparent from both parties.
The blonde presses another kiss on the corner of his lips, smiling as he leans his forehead against the other’s, “Happy New Year, Sae-chan.”
“Happy New Year.” Sae says back just as blissfully, watching the bright colors illuminate the other’s features- a flurry of colorful hues dancing across the evening sun. His heart feels like it's going to leap out of his chest at any moment with Ryusei being there ready to catch it. Another press of their lips, their mouths slowly falling sleepily into each other. Sae’s lips ghosted over his as he whispers, “No me puedo imaginar mi vida sin ti.”
Ryusei blinks, “What does that mean?”
“It’s a secret.” Sae copies, and Ryusei smiles as he pulls him in again.
A midnight sky littered with a million stars, outshined by the bursting array of color- fireworks that fell on deaf ears as they stay close to one another, hands desperate to keep each other close, unrelenting to let each other go. Oh and how Sae truly did not want it all to end– to go back to their regular schedules where they aren’t there for each other when one gets home.
He wants to stay on this dirty rooftop, away from everything– responsibilities, managers, everything. Just let it be him and Ryusei with nothing else but the infinite stars above them. But he won’t focus on what is to come when Ryusei has to leave again in a few days. He focuses on the here and now, on Ryusei’s soft lips against his, his hands keeping him close, and constantly overthink about whatever it was that he told him in French. He’ll focus on everything else before he has to let him go again, to be forced to wait until their next visit and be bound to only voice calls and text messages.
Call him selfish for wanting to keep Ryusei all to himself, but he’ll continue to try and become something worthy enough for him, and to make sure he is aware of that love. But for Ryusei, he’ll already call himself the luckiest man in the world for being able to love and be loved by the person he cares about the most.