Chapter Text
It had been almost two years since the day Mori adopted Elise and Dazai. Elise had already taken to calling Mori ‘Dad’ within the first six months. Dazai wasn’t too surprised or hurt. She knew Mori almost as long as she knew their birth parents. Understandably, Dazai hadn’t gotten to that point yet of calling Mori his ‘Dad’. And he might never. Dazai already had a dad, even if he’s buried six feet under. Twelve years of his life were spent with the firm but caring man. A dad who pushed Dazai to do his best but never turned the crying child away when nightmares struck. The teen was in no rush to pass that title to another. Especially one that left him high and dry with a cranky five year old just because there was an emergency in the hospital.
“Always acting like he’s the only competent doctor in the damn place,” the teen muttered as he forced his way inside Elise’s barricaded room.
The fifteen year old dreaded the headache that would inevitably come from performing a miracle. Wrangling his younger bratty sister to settle down for bedtime was rarely easy. It was especially harder on the days when Mori abruptly left during family time.
The usual ten-minute bath dragged on for an additional twenty minutes when she stubbornly refused to get out. Dazai had managed to dry and dress her, but removing her from the bathroom was a different story. Her small left hand had a monstrous grip on the door frame as Dazai yanked her right hand unsuccessfully.
“Elise. Let. Go. Now.”
His patience was low, as was his willingness to be gentle with her. If she wanted to act like a gremlin, then he had no reservations about treating her like one. With a heave, he threw her over his shoulder and proceeded to “accidentally” bump her against the walls as he turned corners to reach her room.
“Ow, you’re doing it on purpose! I’m telling.”
Dazai scoffed while rolling his eyes, “Go ahead. I’ll tell him that you spilled tea on his work shirt.”
When he heard no response other than her groaning, he smirked in victory, “That’s what I thought.”
The rest of the walk was silent as he opened the bedroom door. With a firm grip on Elise’s waist, he threw back the sheets tucked into her bed. Dazai paid no mind to her huffing and puffing as he wrangled her into her bed.
Whines filled the room as she continued complaining, “I’m not tired yet! Why do you get to stay up later than me?”
“Cause we finally get some peace and quiet when you’re asleep. Plus,” he snickered at her loud protest when he covered her face with the blanket as he tucked her in, “you’re going to be tiny forever like Chuuya if you don’t sleep.”
He watched in amusement as the look of defeat finally appeared on her face when she poked her head out from the covers.
Elise’s eyes narrowed at her annoying older brother. It was their unofficial job as siblings to never pass up an opportunity to terrorize each other. However, the warmth of the silk sheets seemed to have quelled her demons for the moment.
She only had one last order for Dazai to carry out.
“Mr. Rue is going to bed too, then. Tuck him in with me.”
“You have got to be kidd-“ He took a deep breath before adjusting his response, “Whatever. But don’t get out of bed unless you want me to call Santa to tell him to dump coal in your stocking.”
Dazai gave her a warning look as he pulled out his phone from his pocket.
“Speed dial,” he reminded her with a smirk before pocketing his phone.
Satisfied with Elise’s pouting but willing to obey, he set off to retrieve her bunny plushie from the dining room. He strolled to the remnants of their tea party when he spotted Mr. Rue sitting patiently on the chair. Dazai eyed the mess on the table before shrugging it off. That was a problem for the morning.
He refocused on the bunny as he stopped next to its chair. Dazai grimaced at the sight of that poor fellow.
“Damn. You’ve seen better days.”
Patches of fur were missing from Mr. Rue’s barely attached right leg and his left eye had popped out. Considering Elise had him from before they were even sent to the orphanage, he could have been in much worse shape. Dazai remembered when Mr. Rue first came into their lives. When Elise was kicking around in their mother’s stomach, his parents gave him the task of personally choosing Elise’s first companion. They went to five different stores throughout the week before Dazai found the perfect fit for his baby sister.
An annoyed whine from Elise’s bedroom snapped him out of his thoughts.
‘She’s going to yell if I take any longer.’
Dazai shook his head to focus on the current task: bending to Elise’s will and retrieving the bunny.
“Tea time is over, sir.” He mumbled before picking him up by the ear.
Before he turned to leave, he eyed the three remaining cookies on Mori’s plate. He hummed as he quickly poppeding one into his mouth without an ounce of remorse.
“Maybe you should have stayed,” he muttered, wiping off any crumbs around his mouth. After he erased any evidence of his tampering, he returned to his little sister.
Just as he stepped through the threshold, Elise’s arm shot out of the covers to reach for her friend with a disapproving frown.
“You’re going to hurt him like that.”
Dazai rolled his eyes but reluctantly shifted his hold to the bunny’s arm. He stifled a yawn as he left the bedroom door cracked for the hallway light to peek inside. Dazai felt gracious enough to give Elise a warning before he turned off the bedroom light. With careful steps, to avoid any stray toys littered on the floor, he crawled onto the bed and collapsed beside her.
“I caught him trying to eat the rest of the cookies on the table. He nabbed one of Mori’s,” Dazai said as he dropped the plushie onto her face.
When she started to giggle, he decided to continue, “It was kinda scary. When I pulled him away from the plate, he tried to bite me instead.”
“Mr. Rue! You are supposed to be a gentleman. Gentlemen don’t bite, silly,” she scolded him before bringing her friend’s ear to her mouth and whispering loudly, “Good job.”
Dazai’s jaw dropped in mock horror as he exclaimed, “Hey! You can’t encourage him like that. How am I supposed to sleep at night knowing you’re training him to bite me?”
The two went back and forth until their laughter died down. He had tried his best to keep her distracted throughout the day. However, Dazai knew it was a matter of time until Elise couldn’t keep it in any longer.
He didn’t have to look to know she was trying to stop her lip from trembling. With a forming frown at his sister’s pain, he moved to pull her head into his chest. When she didn’t pull away, Dazai caressed her blonde hair in an attempt to comfort her.
“Daddy said he would be here,” Elise whimpered as she failed to fight back tears. She hugged Mr. Rue tightly and buried her face against Dazai’s chest, “He’s such a liar...”
Dazai nodded as he did his best to comfort her. Since he had no immediate solutions, he did the next best thing: validate her feelings.
“I know. I hate that he keeps leaving like this too.”
He felt resentment starting to build towards Mori when Elise struggled to take a deep breath. He knew what was spiraling in her head.
Abandoned. Again.
‘What the hell was the point of adopting us if you’re never here to be a dad?’ he thought as he ground his teeth.
After a few minutes, the young girl wiped the remaining tears off her cheeks. Never one to beat around the bush, she asked with a small voice, “Do you ever hate taking care of me?”
Dazai rolled his eyes, “You’re an annoying little turd and a pain in my butt,” he paused when she laughed before shaking his head, “But you’re still my little sister, and I’m always going to take care of you. We’ve stuck together this long, I’m not leaving you.”
Elise sniffled as she relaxed in her brother’s arms. He could tell she was ready to crash soon. To soothe any remaining negative feelings or thoughts, Dazai decided to make her a promise.
“We can go to the park tomorrow, okay?”
“I’d like that,” she whispered as she closed her eyes. Elise took a deep breath before her body completely relaxed, “Good night, I tolerate you.”
“I tolerate you too,” he said with a smile as he kissed the top of her head. He shifted one of his arms to pull his phone out as he waited for her to fall asleep.
Elise yawned as she nodded off. While it was unfortunate that Dazai could be unbearable most of the time, she felt fortunate that he would always be her big brother. He had proven it time and time again.
Dazai lied awake until he felt Elise’s breathing even out. Conflicting feelings and thoughts swirled around his mind. Ever since the tragic car crash that took their parents away from them, he’s had to learn how to navigate an unforgiving world.
People’s willingness to adopt orphan children who needed a loving family seemed to dwindle when one of the children already had a mind and personality of their own. They seemed to assume that Dazai’s age wouldn’t make him as willing to see them as his parents. And what’s the point in adopting if it doesn’t fulfill the adult’s fantasy?
That was the reality the siblings lived in. Every year that passed made them both less and less desirable to adopt. The chances of them being able to stay together continued to become increasingly bleak until Mori entered the picture.
Dazai would always be thankful that Mori had taken them both in. As time passed, feelings of fondness slowly developed throughout his stay with Mori. After one year, he wasn’t completely repulsed by the concept of viewing Mori as an honorary member of his dysfunctional family. After two years, the man worked his way up to Uncle status. However, for Dazai, none of that hard-earned progress excused such frequent absences. The teen’s gratitude and slight affection for Mori did not exceed that far.
It was clear to Dazai that he had gotten ahead of himself. He was reluctant to admit that part of him believed that once they got adopted, he would finally have the opportunity to be a teen. It was almost embarrassing how wrong he was. Dazai felt naive, thinking that the role of the caretaker would have been taken off his shoulders. Wishful thinking was always a dangerous game for Dazai, one that he always lost.
The teen sighed as he tried to focus on the mind-numbing video playing on his phone. He hoped sleep would come soon and temporarily relieve him from his misery.
Locks clicked, and the front door swung open as Mori stepped through the doorway. His body felt like it was on autopilot as he locked up the house for the night. The man silently sighed as he dragged his hand down his face. Mori shrugged off his hospital coat and draped it over a chair before he stretched his back. The unexpected call to assist in surgery had aggravated him slightly and completely drained his already depleted energy. He was certain his children were equally irritated. The night he had planned with his children was yet again interrupted.
Dazai could try all he wanted to and act like he didn’t care. And yet the subtle signs were there. All of their favorite blankets were thrown messily onto the couch. Mori didn’t even have to look to see if the box of popcorn moved from the back of the cabinet to the front for ease of access.
“Shower. I need a shower,” he mumbled as he trudged through the house to place his work bag on the kitchen counter. He flipped on the kitchen’s light switch as he passed by without a glance. As much as he wished he could hop in the shower and knock himself out until the morning, he still had responsibilities. Mori quickly and effectively wiped all the crumbs off the dining table into his hand. The man immediately noticed his plate was missing a cookie but wasn’t upset. He knew he deserved it, especially when Elise spent time setting up the family tea party.
‘I need to make it up to them,’ Mori thought as he made his way to the trash can and dumped the crumbs inside. As he was about to shut the lid, he caught a glimpse of crumpled neon green paper stuffed deep into the trash. Strange. Usually, those were papers sent home by Dazai’s eccentric theatre teacher.
'I don’t remember reading this one.’
Mori reached down and removed the paper from the trash can. He brushed off some of the crumbs before flattening out the paper onto the counter.
“Shit,” he whispered when he read the first two bolded sentences.
Fall Musical: Into the Woods
Auditions will be held on September 5th
That was two weeks ago. Mori’s brain raced as he folded the paper and shoved it in his pocket. He felt perplexed at the news as he collected the dishes on the dining table and placed them in the dishwasher.
‘Did he audition for the play?’ Mori wondered before shaking his head, ‘No, he told me he planned on doing the least amount of work. Just enough so the teacher wouldn’t chastise him for being lazy, plus, he would have told me... right?’
Mori picked up his plate with a frown and stored the remaining cookies in a container, ‘Or what if he auditioned and didn’t say anything?’
After popping in a pod of dishwasher detergent, he closed the dishwasher a bit harder than necessary out of frustration—not with Dazai but with himself.
The possibility that Dazai didn’t tell him on purpose had worried him. A few months ago, the teen had gotten comfortable enough to strike up conversations with Mori unprompted. Whether it be about how school went or annoying things his classmates had done, Mori was mostly updated on Dazai’s life. At least, that’s how it used to be.
What happened to their progress in building a closer relationship?
Before he could take a step to turn off the light, he raised his eyebrow in surprise as his weary brain finally registered something rare in this household. Other than the dishwasher running, it was silent. Perhaps a bit too silent considering there were two children in the home.
‘I suppose Dazai was able to handle Elise for the night.’
The man went to investigate the lack of noise. He walked carefully while stepping over small puddles on the hallway floor.
‘So it was one of those nights…’
Mori made a mental note to mop the floor before he headed to bed. He’d rather not have to rush to work anytime soon due to potentially breaking his back from a small slip.
Mori followed the puddles that led to Elise’s room. He slowly pushed open the door and peeked his head inside.
Mori smiled fondly when his eyes adjusted to the lack of light and spotted Dazai cradling Elise’s head against his chest as she slept. He wondered why Dazai decided to stay instead of heading to his room to watch TV. Mori’s eyes shifted to a dim light that shone between the kids as Dazai’s phone played a video at a low volume. He guessed maybe the teen got distracted by whatever was playing on his phone.
Mori whispered loud enough for Dazai to hear him, “Dazai? She’s asleep now; you don’t have to stay anymore.”
The man was met with silence as Dazai lay unmoving.
“Dazai?”
No response again.
‘Please, not the silent treatment.’ Mori begged whoever was listening as he sighed before silently venturing inside. He stopped by Dazai’s side and slightly bent over as he whispered again, “Hey, I know today didn’t turn out the way-“
A soft snore interrupted his sentence. Mori paused in confusion before gently tucking some locks of Dazai’s hair away from his face and behind the boy’s ear. His shoulders dropped as he gazed at the fifteen year old’s sleeping face.
Guilt quickly infested his mind as a single thought repeated, ‘Dazai’s a child, not a parent.’
And yet Dazai spent his day off from school filling Mori’s role. Dazai heated leftovers, bathed and dressed his little sister, and even tucked her into bed. The only thing Dazai should have had to concern himself with was picking which movie they would watch tonight as a family.
Mori tenderly caressed Dazai’s hair before pulling away to turn off the teen’s phone to set it on the nightstand. His heart clenched when Dazai began to stir awake.
“Mori?” Dazai mumbled as his eyelids fluttered at the sudden silence.
“I’m right here,” Mori whispered as he draped a blanket over his child, “I’m sorry for rushing off. They needed me at the hospital.”
“And we don’t?”
Mori’s shoulders tensed as if a cold bucket of water had been poured on him. He had known deep down that he had been becoming neglectful, but having it spat at him was different. This wasn’t the life he wanted for either of them. This wasn’t the life they deserved.
When did things get this bad?
“I’m calling tomorrow off. And I’m turning off my phone and pager. No work, no interruptions. Just us three, okay?”
“That’s what you said today too,” Dazai quietly said with a harsh tone. He turned his head towards his supposed caretaker and glared, “Stop getting Elise’s hopes up.”
Mori knew Dazai was not only speaking for his younger sister.
“Understood. It’s not fair to her.”
‘Or to you.’
Mori hesitated before gently squeezing Dazai’s shoulder in an attempt to show his affection. He didn’t miss how Dazai had shrugged him off. Mori knew how to take a hint. The man stood up straight as he spoke softly, “I will see you two in the morning. Get some rest.”
Before he stepped out of the room, Mori paused and looked back at his children.
“I know I don’t say it a lot, but I do love you both…”
Silence.
While it hurt, Mori knew he deserved that.
The children’s trust needed to be earned once again. Mori would not stop working tirelessly until that day came. Until he could be the guardian they needed and deserved.
If he had to put down his scalpel permanently to make it work, then so be it. He had worked himself to the bone for the past 25 years to pass exams, survive his grueling intern years, and work his way up the ladder. But he found a new purpose. A new passion. A new reason to wake up in the morning and do his best.
Before Mori could close the door completely, a small smile spread across his face when his ears picked up Dazai’s mumble.
“Love you.”
Mori nodded and closed the door silently. He leaned back on the door as he stared at the ceiling. Behind the door were two of the most precious people that had ever entered his life. And they needed him.
‘Do better. I need to do better. No more just wishing or wanting. Make it happen.’
Mori was ready to make the needed sacrifices for his two children. He pushed himself off the door and walked back to his work bag.
He had some calls to make.
When darkness consumed the room, Dazai closed his eyes tightly. He listened to footsteps moving away from the door and Mori’s attempts to maneuver quietly around the house. He disliked the feeling in his stomach as he wished their last conversation wasn’t tense. He hadn’t seen the man since the morning, and Dazai knew his anger was justified. He hated to admit it, but he was hurt. And it was his fault for letting Mori weasel his way inside his heart. A place where only Elise and his parents resided.
With a deep sigh, Dazai pushed the unpleasant thoughts away. Chances were not something Dazai gave to anyone. But he allowed himself to hope one more time. Maybe Mori will keep his promise tomorrow. Or perhaps he’d have to hold back tears of disappointment again as he tried to distract his younger sister from Mori’s absence.
While he wrestled with the thoughts of the unknown future, there was one thing Dazai knew. He would always be the constant in Elise’s life. She would never have to shed tears over his absence. Even if breathing was hard and he was nearly drowning in despair, he would hang on for dear life just for her. And maybe one day, she won’t be his only reason.