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Weeks have passed since the gang first found Kieran and he was still treated as a prisoner. Tied to a post, only ever acknowledged when he yelled from torture or begged for food. You were one of the few who silently thought his treatment was unnecessary. You fortunately didn’t bear witness to the horrendous things he experienced in Colter but that changed once the gang moved to HorseShoe OverLook. You did dislike him like the others because of his affiliation with the O’Driscolls but even you thought they were dragging things out. Occasionally, you’d feed him some bread and water while most of the men were gone, not wanting them to think you had a soft spot for the O’Driscoll boy. Secretly you did but you always brushed it off.
This particular day in camp played out differently than you thought. It was pretty late in the evening and you were about to give Kieran some bread and water. Before you had the chance his screams echoed through camp, alerting the attention of only a few folks including you. There he was, his pants dropped to his ankles, surrounded by Dutch, Arthur, And Bill who was holding a pair of gelding tongs to his parts to get answers out of him. You knew better than to intervene but hearing his screams made your skin crawl. Most O’Driscolls deserved this kind of treatment but he seemed like he wasn’t that bad. They eventually untied him from the tree and led him to the horses so he could lead them to one of his old gang's hideouts for Colm O’Driscoll. A weird sense of relief came over you, thankful they didn’t harm him this time. As quick as the feeling came, it left. While the boys were out paying a social call you did some hunting. From the way Pearson stew was looking, it could definitely use some better meats.
Hours had passed before you made your way back to camp from a successful hunt. You had a few rabbits this time around to give Pearson. However, the first thing that caught your eye was Kieran sitting near the scout campfire. Your eyebrows scrunched and your eyes widened at the site. Curiosity and confusion swept your face as you hitched your horse and took the rabbits off. You had several questions but asking him wasn’t what you had in mind, not right now at least. Your attention went back to the task at hand. You walk over to Pearson’s wagon, receiving a compliment from Charles from the impressive hunt before you reach the wagon.
“Here ya go, Hopefully, these will be of some use to you.”
“Ah thank you! The stew tonight really could use more meat!”
Pearson exclaimed happily as he took the rabbits from you with a smile. You gave him a small nod and went on your way. On your way to your tent, you ran into Miss Grimshaw, who was indulging in a bit of reading to wind down from the busy day. The questions you had about Kieran bubbled up so you decided to ask her about it.
“Hey Miss Grimshaw, if ya ain’t too busy can I ask ya something?”
You asked in a hushed tone, trying not to startle her. She perked up but relaxed once she saw it was you. A small smile was on her face as she closed her book and turned her attention towards you.
“I ain't ever too busy, now what’s on your mind hm?”
“Why ain’t that O’Driscoll boy tied up?”
She scoffed and rolled her eyes before she answered. Seeming unhappy about something related to him.
“I dunno and frankly I don’t think he should be here. We already have enough mouths to feed. From what I heard, Arthur says that boy ain't worth killing yet and Dutch agrees, Apparently he saved Arthur. So I guess he’s stuck with us.”
She said, smacking her teeth at the end and returning her attention to her book. Like many folks here, she didn’t like him, so it makes sense why she thought that way. You kept a neutral expression but were slightly relieved he was finally untied from that tree. Seeing him like that for so long was getting tiring. Hearing that he saved Arthur was a pretty big thing too. You still didn’t trust him fully but anyone willing to save Arthur had your respect.
“So they really just letting him stay? That’s new.”
“It is, but I trust Dutch so I ain’t gonna question him. That doesn’t mean I don’t like it. That Kieran boy could use a bath too, don’t think that boys seen soap in months.”
She said with a hefty scoff. You lightly chuckled at her response, that much about Kirean was true. Since he’s been tied up in Colter and here he hasn’t taken a a bath. You agreed that he had a strong odor but how else would he smell after being tied up for weeks? Sure as hell not roses. You left her side and decided to check on Kieran. Since he was a part of the gang now you felt it was right to properly introduce yourself. When you spotted him from across camp you couldn’t help but stop and stare at the peculiar fella. He was sitting on the ground, still in the same clothes as before, playing with the grass beneath him. You had your suspicions about him, everyone did, but he saved Arthur so he couldn’t be that bad.
“Watcha doing there?”
You asked, taking a few steps closer to him but still keeping your distance. Your presence alone made him tense up and stop what he was doing. Anxiety shot through him like electricity, making him take a few seconds before he could properly respond to you.
“I uh- I ain’t doing nothin…”
He mumbled. He couldn’t hold eye contact with you for long, but that didn’t bother you. His nervousness was understandable; hell, if you were in his place, you’d probably just run away. Now that you were closer to him you noticed a few new things about him. You knew he couldn’t have been that old but his deep eye bags and roughed-up appearance made him age at least 10 years. He was fairly skinny and like you expected he did reek but you kept that to yourself. Not only that but his wrists seemed to have some nasty rope burns on them. The longer you looked at him the more your expression turned sour. The fact that they let him join the gang but didn’t give him better clothes or shoes made you sick to your stomach. Sure he was O’Driscoll, but as everyone and him said, he was an O’Driscoll. He was no longer affiliated with them and with him leading the fellas to one of Colm’s hideouts he sure as hell couldn’t go back to them.
-
He remained seated, his nervousness only growing because of your stares. He swallowed harshly and began to fidget with the grass beneath himself again as he waited for you to say something. Finally, you moved. You took a step closer and kneeled beside him, letting out a soft sigh before speaking.
“Bet you’d like some new clothes and maybe a bath hm..?”
You asked, your tone a little softer and sincere. You titled your head curiously, trying your best not to make him uncomfortable or overstep his boundaries. He looked back at you dumbfounded. Eyes wide and mouth agape. He remembers all the times you fed him but only thought it was a chore for you. He didn’t feel as though he deserved or yet earned the right to be treated as a proper gang member so hearing your question confused him. But he did indeed want some new clothes and to properly freshen up. So he nodded his head slightly, almost as though he was afraid to say yes. When he nodded you gave him a faint smile and hesitantly reached your hand towards him. He flinched a bit but seeing you meant no harm he calmed down. He watched your hand for a moment then looked up at you confused. Unsure of what you were doing.
“C’mon then, Let’s get ya cleaned up. After I’ll get you some food if you’re hungry.”
You said to him, still holding your hand toward him so he could take it. He still looked at you surprised, not used to kindness from the gang members here. He was hesitant to take your hand but eventually, he placed his hand in yours. His hands were much bigger but thinner than yours. The palm of his hand was rough and dirty but soon he’d be clean. You wrapped your fingers carefully around his hand and slowly pulled him up. He wobbled as he stood up, his body still weak from being tied up and not getting enough food. You couldn’t help but glance back down at his rope burns, they looked painful yet he didn’t seem bothered by it. Once he regained his balance, you gently guided him through the camp to a more secluded place. Most folks were sleeping but a few did side-eye you for holding his hand but you paid them no mind. Kieran, however, his nerves were getting the best of him. His palms grew sweaty and his face grew hot with embarrassment. He wanted to retract from you and hide but he refrained. Plus holding your hand was oddly reassuring, It was gentle and welcoming. Far more welcoming than everyone else in this camp. So he held onto your hand and continued to follow until you both reached the destination.
Soon you both were at the opposite end of camp. Far enough to get privacy but close enough just in case something were to come up. You guided him to a chair near a tree and helped him sit down. He sat quietly, holding onto your hand a few seconds longer before he pulled back and rested his hands in his lap.
“I'll be right back, just wait here.”
You said, leaving soon after you spoke. Nervously fidgeting with his hands as he waited. He wasn't sure why being alone made his nerves worse than when you were around. He barely knew you but your company made him less uneasy. It was odd to him, he thought it was wrong to feel such a way but couldn't stop it. His breaths grew shallow yet he remained silent. His fingers nervously picked at his hands to try and distract himself from the growing anxieties he felt.
After some time you finally returned to him. He is still sitting down, his leg bouncing like crazy, and picking at the skin on his hands. His expression was blank like he wasn't all there. But as you approached him he snapped out of his daze. Jolting upright and looking at you with a crazed look in his eyes. Seeing it was you his gaze softened slightly and his jitters ceased.
“Hey, sorry it took a while. You uhm…okay?”
“Y-yeah..Watcha got there?”
He asked, shifting his weight in the chair and glancing at the things in your arms. You had a bucket of water, some clothes, a rag, and some soap.
“Just some clothes and other stuff I need. Don’t have a proper bathtub so this is the next best thing.”
You said, Kneeling beside him and placing the things on a nearby rock. He watched you curiously, letting your words sink in before he came to the realization.
“W-wait- Yur gonna bathe me?!-”
He stammered out, His eye darting towards you with shock. He assumed that you were just getting him the things he’d need for a bath, which he was very thankful for. But now he was worried. He was extremely insecure about his appearance, especially in this current state. The thought of you seeing his exposed skin made his body shiver with anxiety. Not only that but he already felt like a burden to you. He didn’t want you to waste your time with such a tedious task.
“Yeah, Is that alright with you?”
You asked. You could practically feel his anxiety radiating off of him. When you looked at him he looked like he was ready to jump out of his skin. Your first intention was to just let him bathe himself but seeing how weak he was and the burns on his wrist, it would be best if you helped him. You had your suspicions about him but you wouldn’t let him do this alone, given his injuries and his weak physical state. Silence fell between you both, clearly neither of you was good at holding conversations. You stayed kneeling in front of him, rolling your sleeves up and then resting your hands on your knees. He looked away from you, trying to figure out why you’d want to help him but also wondering if he should accept your help. It was kind of you to help but his worries were getting the best of him. More time passed and still, he had yet to give you an answer, clearing having a frog in his throat.
“You can do it yourself, I don’t care. But given your injuries it’ll be tedious….Look I know we don’t know each other well but I have no intentions to hurt you in any way. You don’t have to trust me, I wouldn’t trust me if I were in your shoes but at least take my word on this.”
You assured, trying your best to help him come to a decision he’d be most comfortable with. You spoke gently but honestly, you knew if you were in his position you’d be hesitant too. Regardless of what option he’d choose you wanted to still offer your assistance to him. After you spoke he grew visibly more calm. Hearing you speak so kindly and softly made his nerves grow a little less sporadic. He, like you, was on the fence when it came to trusting you but he couldn’t deny that he needed some help. He still felt weak and extremely sore.
“..Okay..I’d uhm…like the help...please.”
He finally responded. Though he did still feel incredibly self-conscious about his appearance, he felt more comfortable being around you than the other members. You were patient and kind to him, and in this moment, it was what he truly needed. Just to be treated like a regular human being. With that, you nodded your head, giving him a small smile then started to get ready.
“Mind taking off your shirt?”
You asked as you dipped your rag into the bucket and slathered it with the soap. He nodded and did as you asked, slowly taking his shirt and resting it on his lap. When you were done you rose to your feet and stood before him. His upper body was as you expected, on the skinnier side. His ribs were slightly visible and his skin was covered in light freckles. He had a small happy trail but the rest of him lacked much hair. You hesitantly closed the space between you both by inserting yourself between his legs. Having you this close made a small whimper escape his lips. With a curious look in his eyes, he watched you closely, still nervous about this.
“Let me know when you want me to stop okay? I’ll be gentle, promise.”
“Okay..”
You gave him another small smile and he did the same. With a gentle touch, you cupped his chin and began to clean his face first. He jolted from the sudden contact but oddly enough he liked it. As you dragged the warm soapy rag across his features he quietly let you go on. Your gentle touch and the look of focus in your eyes made his face grow hotter by the second. It’s been so long since someone touched him this kindly, he almost didn’t know not to contain it. Subconsciously, he leaned forward into your touch. You simply took it as him making things easier for you. His breathing was shaky at the start but it grew steady over time. When you finished you pulled back from him, your sudden lack of contact making his lips turn into a small frown.
With each part of him, you took your time and carefully cleaned him. From head to toe, your hands carefully cleaned away the dirt and grime that stuck to his skin. At first, you didn’t notice but as you made progress you realized how much he seemed to like your touch. When you cleaned his chest you could feel him press against your hand and feel how fast his heart was. When you cleaned his hands and nails it felt like he was purposely holding your hand back. There were times he had the opposite reaction. When you washed his sides he jolted upright and shivered. When you washed his legs he kept tensing up and the redness in his face grew a deep almost wine-red color. One thing was consistent, that being how noisy he was. Constantly he let out whines, whimpers, or gasps. You always checked in to make sure he was okay and he simply nodded every time. It was odd but you didn’t question it.
This was the first time Kieran was treated so kindly since he’s been here. You didn’t think this meant much to him but it did mean a lot. The tenderness in your touch and the care you treated him with made him feel many things, some being appreciation, flattery, and joy. He was surprised to receive such treatment from someone, especially someone like you but he’d be a fool to say he didn’t like it. Being treated like this was very foreign to him. Throughout most of his life, he’s had it hard, having to do things on his own and be treated less than human. So having someone willing to help him and make sure he was okay made him a bit emotional. Not only that but the feeling of such gentle hands against his skin was heavenly. You were so gentle with him, he was practically entranced by your touch. His body couldn’t help but lean into your touch any chance he got. Years have passed since he’s felt genuine touch from another. Embarrassment filled his being when he felt himself enjoying it too much but it would always get overpowered by his desperation for your touch. Touch starved much? Yes, very much.
It did take a while but soon you were fully finished with cleaning him. With a relieved sigh, you sat on a rock nearby, tired from all the work but glad it went well. Kieran, on the other hand, felt amazing. Smelt amazing too, like a mix of flowers. Many week's worth of grime and sweat finally cleaned from his skin. He felt several pounds lighter and happier, a soft smile was plastered on his face as he looked towards you. Seeing the tired expression on your face made his smile falter. Guilt quickly washed over him, feeling bad for making you tired.
“...You okay..?”
“Huh? Yeah, jus tired..Oh, uh you want your hair washed?”
You asked, sitting up from your slouched position to stretch your back and arms. Though you were tired you were willing to wash his hair if he wanted it to be. Quietly he gave it some thought, it would be nice but he didn’t want to bother you much longer.
“I uhm…I’d like that if it's okay with you..”
“It’s fine no worries.”
You said, pushing yourself off the rock and reaching for the bucket near him. You also grabbed the clothes next to you and passed them to him.
“Here, put these on while I get more water. They’re some newer clothes, should be more comfortable than your clothes. Also got your jacket too.”
“Oh wow, I…Thank you.”
He carefully took the clothes hand, brushing his fingers against the back of your hand sweetly. His eyes were filled with appreciation for you, and your eyes were filled with a mixture of contentment and hesitation. The sensation of his hand against yours made your spine tingle, an odd and new feeling for you. You were hesitant to let your guard around him for many reasons but it was hard to fight it because of his kind eyes and somewhat calm exterior. There you stood, just staring at him, confused as to how he made you feel this way. Your stare didn’t last much longer though. You retracted your hand from him and turned away to get more water, trying to distract yourself from the unfamiliar feeling that swirled in your gut. While you got more water he changed into his new clothes. A soft relieved sigh left his lips as his hands smoothed out the wrinkles in his clothes. Getting cleaned and new clothes was the best thing he’s experienced in so long. At first, when it came to the people in this camp he disliked most of them. They were unnecessarily harsh and wouldn’t even pay him any mind throughout their days. But now, he was finally treated the way he had desperately hoped to be treated. For others, being given the bare minimum wouldn’t make them this happy, but for him, this simple act of kindness would stick with him forever.
When you returned he was dressed in his new clothes, similar to his old ones but a lot cleaner. A soft smile brushed your lips at the sight. Compared to what he first looked like, he almost looked like a new person. He too smiled at you, his a little bigger since he no longer felt, looked, or smelled funny.
“Ya look good Kieran, lean your head back for me.”
You commented as you stepped behind him. Holding the bucket in your hand while you waited. Your comment made him blush like an idiot. His cheeks, ears, and nose burned a deep red with flattery. As if you washing him made him confused but now this? His brain was running in circles now. It took him a moment to lean his head back, processing what was happening made him freeze for a second. When your eyes met him you became aware of his deeply reddened face and bewildered expression.
“You hot or sumthing bud? What’s with that look?”
You asked him. Before he could answer you began washing his hair. Pouring some water on his scalp then adding some soap to his hair. You then started massaging his scalp gently, the new feeling making his lips quiver and his body shivers involuntarily, completely forgetting about your question. You almost stopped but seeing how good it made him feel you kept going. His hair was thin and stringy, with a few minor matts here and there but with a gentle tug, they disappeared. His tension practically disappeared, for him, it felt like he was floating. His eyes fluttered shut for a moment but he re-composed himself when he felt himself getting too comfortable. With a loud “ahem!” he cleared his throat and reopened his eyes, being met with your amused expression. Who knew he’d act like this from a hair wash? You thought to yourself.
“ erm..may I ask ya something?”
“Huh? Yeah, go on ahead.”
“..Why are ya doing this for me? I-I mean everyone else doesn’t like me, I know you don’t like me either..so why’d you do this for me..”
He asked in a hushed tone. He looked up at you with an anxious expression and you looked back at him but with a look of confusion. Your hands continued to massage his scalp but you fell silent as you thought about your answer. At first, you thought about saying “Just because” or “I pity you” but that alone wasn’t enough or all true. You did pity him but there were other reasons you decided to help him. It took a few minutes but soon you gave him your response.
“ Because it’s the right thing to do. The others don’t like ya for obvious reasons, hell I didn’t like ya cuz of it but it ain’t right to treat you like that, especially for that long. You clearly ain’t a threat and you saved Aruthr, so I don’t mind helping you. You needed it.”
As you spoke he listened intently and by the end of it, he felt happy. More than happy even. For most of his life, he didn’t know what true acceptance felt like. He was scared that whoever “accepted” him was only tricking him. And most times that was the case. But the sincerity in your voice and your actions made him trust you, not fully but definitely more than the others. He remained quiet as you finished washing his hair but there was a visible difference in his mood. His body was more relaxed and the anxiety that plagued every feature of his disappeared.
Now Kieran was fully cleaned and in new clothes. You moved from behind him to get a better look at him, admiring how well you did. You were just about to tell him to follow you back to camp to eat but he had something to say. He stared at you while fidgeting with his damp hair, making it more than obvious that he had something to say.
“...Thank you for uhm…everything. I won’t forget your kindness…I hope someday I can pay you back…”
“You’re welcome. If you planning on staying with us then ‘m sure you can. Now c’mon bud. Let's get ya something to eat yeah?”
You said warmly, extending your hand towards him with a smile. His eyes seemed to gleam with joy hearing your words. Unlike before he grabbed your hand without hesitation but with a gentle touch. His soft hand gave yours a gentle squeeze as you guided him up from his seat. He once again returned the smile, a much bigger smile now that he was clean. You let out a soft chuckle then started to walk back to camp with his hand in yours. You and he both thought that this would be a one-time thing, this type of conversation and closeness but after that you both could feel that some sort of bond would grow. What at first seemed unlikely was now seeming like a great next step.