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Viktor staggered over his desk, coughing heavily, a sign of how his condition had worsened over the past few weeks. It was already his fourth attack in one day, and he could feel his life draining away with each flower that emerged from his throat.
He staggered, looking for his cane again, which was becoming heavier every day, and as he sought comfort by leaning on the cold metal, he opened his hand and looked down.
Flowers
Three of them, the camellias that had originally been petals of a beautiful pink color were now only flowers dyed with his blood, which he could feel had already invaded his entire body.
Viktor knew it, he didn't have much time left, in a way he felt relieved to know that the agony wasn't going to be worse than usual, he knew that this was going to be the result since he rejected the treatment that Sky offered him, he didn't want to lose the memories of the only friend he had, the one he had shared shoulder to shoulder with, his partner and currently the love of his life
For whom he was definitely giving his life
Anyway Viktor knew that he never had enough time and he was relieved that even if he left Jayce had someone like Miss Medarda by his side.
That thought made his chest hurt.
After a sigh he staggered to the bathroom where he got rid of the evidence, when he came back he took out his "log book" where he had kept track not only of his illness but of his feelings.
He fooled himself as a log to reach some progress in that illness so as not to feel ashamed of keeping a diary like a 15 year old teenager in love, but Jayce made him feel that way many times.
He heard the door open.
He was hunched over the table and didn't have the strength to turn around to see who it was, he thought it was Sky until some footsteps hurried towards him
-Viktor!- he heard coming from behind him, it was Jayce who hurried to pick him up as it seemed he was about to fall.
-You're... Cold...- the concern could be heard in his voice while still wrapping his arms around Viktor, Jayce searched for his hands, Viktor was grateful for the heat radiating from the other man, his chest threatening another attack.
Viktor tried to get away but he didn't have the strength, so his hand ended up resting on Jayce's chest while he continued to hold him.
-What are you doing... Here?- Viktor's voice was more like a whisper than anything else, something that worried Jayce more
-I came to see how you were! You keep insisting on coming here to finish the project but look at you... I'm worried about you... - he looked once more at Viktor's even paler skin which seemed to lose more and more of its color, he kissed his knuckles softly hoping that would give them back some color, he felt Viktor squirm
- You're busy with Mel... Don't waste time - the taller one frowned
- I'm not wasting time, and besides Mel can manage without me... I'm here for you - he gave Viktor a half smile who just looked away
Jayce tried to lift Viktor and he put up resistance, which he obviously failed
- Come on Viktor, I'll take you to your room, you should rest -
- I can walk on my own - he was interrupted by Jayce who lifted him in his arms
- I know you can... But I want to - Viktor cursed himself internally for giving in to Jayce's puppy eyes
As they walked through the silent hallways to Viktor's room, he took the opportunity to rest his head on Jayce's chest and get drunk on her lotion, Viktor felt it as a goal achieved, at least he was going to leave with that memory.
Once they got to the room, Jayce made sure to lay Viktor down and put his cane next to the bed, he saw how Jayce stared at his desk chair in the room
-What's wrong?- he asked almost breathlessly
-Well I was looking for where I could stay to keep you company - he smiled at him
Viktor frowned -Jayce go away, I'm not a sick child who needs his parents, I'm an adult-
-I know! Just... I'd like to take care of you, you know, be by your side, until you recover - Viktor saw how Jayce scratched the back of his neck in a nervous way
His chest sank to see Jayce still hopeful for him, he never told him about the flowers, he only knew about the anemia, but he definitely thought it was worse to tell him
After a brief conventional "discussion", he convinced Jayce to leave and that they would see each other tomorrow
Jayce went out into the hallway and closed the door, that day had dawned with a bad feeling so he stood a little longer in front of the door
If only Viktor were not so stubborn and let himself be taken care of, Jayce would be more than delighted, if it were up to him he would put him in a crystal ball and take care of him like the most precious thing in the world
He sighed defeated and headed towards the laboratory, Viktor did not know But Jayce took advantage of every night to get the answer from the hextech on how to cure Viktor, and according to him he was getting closer
That night Viktor died
The first to find him was Jayce
He stood paralyzed, he came to give Viktor the good news that he had discovered the cure to all his ills
But he found something that his brain could not process
Viktor's lifeless body was still in bed, surrounded by flowers, flooding the whole environment, Viktor's body is cold
Colder than ever, Jayce let go of the hand of the one who was his friend, companion and hidden love
In Jayce's eyes, Viktor looked beautiful, more than ever But even though tears were already falling from his eyes it seemed that his brain had not yet processed that Viktor was DEAD
He rushed to give him CPR, but it did not work, he fell to the ground with a dry blow while continuing to hit Viktor's chest, he stopped when he felt that he had desecrated his corpse by trying to..."revive him"
He stayed there kneeling with his face in the sheets as he cried.
He regretted everything, everything that he thought had caused this.
Of not having taken better care of him
Of not having realized
Of when his body gave out due to sleep
Of not having spent more time by his side
Of not having told him how much he loved him
In a fit of rage he hit the piece of furniture next to Viktor's bed, knocking over all the papers on it, including a small book.
Jayce recognized it, it was the one Viktor used to carry for a while now, where he wrote down every time he thought Jayce didn't notice
But boy did he do it
Jayce always saw Viktor
In an act of desperation he threw himself at the notebook in search of answers
It was a kind of record of his symptoms But Jayce stood up as soon as he saw that his name was written in that book
He decided to read it from the beginning, only keeping in his mind the moments that he felt were important.
.
.
.
Apparently I have something called hanahaki.
I don't know how to react to the news. I had read about this disease in some books but I always thought it was quite impossible. What a mistake.
I decided to keep a record of the symptoms and their evolution. Maybe this will give me an answer and help me find a cure because there isn't much information about the disease.
For now, the only noticeable symptom is a chronic cough, although I don't know how often it happens. It gets confused with my anemia.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Today I confirmed a suspicion I had for a while. It seems that my cough reacts to Jayce (as if the rest of my body didn't). Today he dressed in a suit that fit him well... Too well. When he came over to tell me that Mel had organized a dinner for them, I could feel my chest tighten and I had a coughing fit. It made me feel good that Jayce will stay with me for a while, but duty calls.
And those prototypes won't pay for themselves... I wonder if this illness has anything to do with the feelings I have for my... partner...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Today I traveled to Zaun, it's not that I hid it from Jayce, I just told him I was going to visit an old friend
Who I once thought was my mentor, didn't seem surprised to see me, I told him about the hextech... And about the other thing... I don't know what to think about what he told me
He told me it's a disease caused by a lovesickness... How ridiculous, or so I thought for a moment But everything fits, those feelings that I was hiding deep inside me now came to the surface
Basically I'm in love with Jayce...
If I don't find a way out quickly this is going to consume me.
Symptoms
• Coughing, it seems that the first place affected is the respiratory tract, which warns of its severity depending on whether you cough petals or cough flowers
• Dizziness
• Wounds, also if there are open wounds flowers start to grow there, it's a little cloudy, it feels like your body will warn you that you are getting filled with them
• Type, apparently it is not always the same flower, it depends on each individual, knowing the meaning of my camellias did not make me feel better, but perhaps it is a way to get to how it can be cured
In the end it does not matter why they will all be stained with blood
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Today we had a very... pleasant dinner, with the council, it seems that they are "fascinated" by our advances in hextech
Hypocrites, they only want whatever gives them power, I only attended because Jayce insisted, I should say quite a lot
I Taking advantage of the opportunity to see how my illness reacts to Miss Medarda, Jayce recently came to me and told me that it seems that she "accepted it"?
Well I guess it's their way of saying they're dating, and they're not at all discreet about it, I came to think that yes
I still think that Miss Medarda only sees us as an object to reach her goals... but that doesn't mean that I already knew her before and that I know that apart from the teacher she's the only good thing in this council
Strangely, even though seeing her with Jayce made my chest sink, it also made me feel relieved... I know that Jayce will be fine with her, and that thought makes every time my cold bones twist at the sensation of being filled with flowers feel more comforting
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm tired.... Sky noticed the hanahaki and brought me all a research, the only new thing I could get are the healing methods.
1) confess his feelings and be accepted (something impossible, since I don't plan on changing my relationship with Jayce)
2) undergo a vastay treatment... That makes him forget any memory of that person
It doesn't matter, I didn't have time anyway
I'd rather leave like this
Sky doesn't understand
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I would have preferred not to have seen him today... I know, I'm sorry, how my whole body gives up, how little by little my ribs are being squeezed until I suffocate
I don't regret anything, Jayce deserves to be happy and I know that if I had told him alone he would have worried more, even if this is my last night, feeling his scent again, his warmth, his voice made me feel at least good with my decision... I hope it's Sky who finds this and can get the necessary information
I know, that's a little cruel but let me be Selfish to the end
The only thing I wish, is that if there really are other worlds, other lines and other times, is that we can be partners again and I promise you jayce, that no matter what I will wait for you.
.
.
.
.
Jayce didn't know how long he had been there, looking at the last page... He saw how some words had been stained due to his tears, letting him know that it was the last thing Viktor wrote that night.
The whole aroma that filled the room consumed him, he hugged his knees just to continue crying, he was surprised that his tears hadn't run out yet, he must have been crying for hours, the sun had already risen through the window
The only difference is that Jayce already knew that Viktor was dead
That he loved him as much or maybe more than jayce loved him.
That he was an idiot, that because of his doubts he had caused the death of the man he loved, if he had only had the courage
The courage to go and hug him
To kiss him
To tell him how much he loved him day after day
But instead he preferred to take refuge in trying to forget those feelings and try to do it with Mel.
After a while where he could barely compose himself, he went out to report the discovery, the whole council was surprised But Mel, she was the only one who came close
-Are you okay?- she touched his shoulder in a way of comfort Jayce squeezed her without looking at her
-Yes... I want to be alone- he said before disappearing through the door Mel just stayed there watching him
The rest of the days Jayce was just locked in his room even if he no longer had tears to shed he continued crying, he even didn't go to Viktor's wake, he couldn't stand it.
Another sleepless night for Jayce made him visualize one of his old plans, one he made before he knew hextech was going to work
He decided to lock himself in the lab now, barely eating anything. But it was something he and Viktor had worked on together, it didn't make sense anymore but he wanted to finish it
Someone came in, but he didn't even bother to turn around.
-So here you were- said Mel approaching and taking a seat near Jayce, who finally turned to look at her
It was obvious how worn out he was, uncut beard, messy hair, it was noticeable that he had not been eating well
Mel caressed the cheek of the man she was dating
-I'm worried about you- she saw how Jayce caressed her hand
-I know... I'm sorry, I just want to end this quickly- he said looking away at the device
-How are you?- Jayce only asked a new question and avoided it by asking what Mel had come for
-I know it's hard Jayce... But I found some information, it seems it's a Zaunite disease... So I don't want you to blame yourself for this- said Mel crossing her hands on her lap
Jayce buried her face in her hands, even if he had been dead, it was something that was a reason for difference, Jayce bit her lip and then gave a long sigh
-Mel... I want to be alone, could you go out?- he turned to the device again
He felt like Mel hesitated but in the end he stood up and when he heard the door close he was left alone again, in the darkness of the cold laboratory
He walked away for a moment to take a break, almost obligatory that his body had demanded of him, and suddenly he had a coughing attack
He had to go to the bathroom, there he stopped and after he caught his breath, he opened his palm to find some petals
Jayce was paralyzed but then he gave a sigh that made his lips curve a little
-I will wait for you too-