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Today was the last day that Jetfire would be home. Tomorrow, he would have to go back again in an endless search for energon.
A long time ago, Red Alert had told him that he had to stay home the amount days he was out, due to the fact he was pushing himself.
That was no longer possible.
If he still followed that routine, they wouldn't have any energon left.
That didn't mean he liked it.
Not at all.
The thought of going back out made his wings ache, his processor more tired than it already was, and dread filled his frame.
He was exhausted, exhausted in a way that recharge would never fix.
He hated this.
He hated the world they were living in, the way they had to live, he hated it all.
"Jet? Are you okay?"
Red Alert was pressed against Jetfire's chassis, held close. At this point, he barely got to see Red, let alone hold him.
Okay, he didn't hate it all...he hated most of it, though.
"Mm. Tired."
"Do you want to recharge, or...?"
Jetfire pressed his face on top of Red Alert's helm. "I don't want to leave tomorrow..."
Red shimmied out of the embrace to look at Jetfire, face to face. He reached a hand out to Jetfire's cheek, caressing it softly.
"What if...I take smaller rations?"
"What?"
"Hear me out. I use smaller portions than usual, stretch out our energon so that you can stay for longer. You won't have to go out for energon as often as you do."
Jetfire's hand came to cup Red's helm. "Love, you don't have to-"
A finger was pressed against Jetfire's lips. "You do so much for the two of us. Let me do this for you."
A beat passed, Jetfire processing it before he put their foreheads together.
"Thank you, Red..."
Red Alert smiled softly. "Anything for you."
Jetfire placed a kiss on Red's lips before pulling away.
"C'mon. If I have an extra day, I want to hold you more."
Red Alert chuckled and moved back down, tucking his head under Jetfire's chin, and pressing their chassises together.
"I'm not sure how to feel about the fact most of my body can fit on your chassis."
Jetfire started rubbing Red's back. "Hmm, I think it's adorable."
Red Alert's face flushed and he hid in the crook of Jetfire's neck. The larger mech chuckled and kissed Red's helm.
"Can I not compliment you, Red?"
He merely hummed as he kept his face in the crook.
Jetfire loved Red Alert.
He wanted to show it more to him.
Jetfire got close to Red Alert's audial, and started whispering.
Whispering sweet nothings, as Red's face continued to heat up and Jetfire's love filled the spark bond.
On Red's end, a hint of embarrassment went through, clearly, he had a hard time taking compliments, but despite that, he loved it, felt through the bond.
Primus, it felt like Jetfire's love for the smaller mech would never be quantifiable.
After a little bit, Jetfire moved away from whispering in Red Alert's audial, and instead, slowly moved Red's head out of the crook, and placed a kiss on his lips. Red Alert smiled, and returned the kiss.
The only way that Jetfire could show more of his love was literally opening his chassis panels and baring his spark.
It was perfect moment.
Just...perfect.
A perfect moment in an awful world.
Until Red Alert pulled away.
A trace of concern went through the bond, and Red's face softened, in a more serious way this time.
"Jetfire?"
"Yes, Red?"
"Do you love yourself?"
...
"...what?"
Red Alert cupped Jetfire's jawline. "Do you love yourself, Jetfire?"
Jetfire looked away, thinking for a moment.
"...I love you."
Red's hand came to Jetfire's face. "I know, Jetfire. You've always made that clear, and I love that. But..."
Do you love yourself?
Jetfire fell silent. He...wasn't expecting that.
His first answer should've been 'yes,' and then continue what they were doing before.
It should've been.
But he knew it wasn't the answer.
He wasn't even sure how Red Alert could love him, he could think of several reasons why Red Alert would hate him.
He's killed so many, even after he came after Megatron for wanting to commit genocide on the Autobots, he killed Skywarp, one of his brothers, he couldn’t save everyone at Kaon Arena, they were all dead...
Not to mention what he did way before he joined the Autobots.
How could someone love a bot like that?
How could he love a bot like that?
How could Red Alert love Jetfire?
Jetfire felt tears going streaming down his face as Red Alert's hand came closer to his face, wiping away at the tears.
"No....no, no, no. No, I don't."
Red Alert face softened. "Oh, Jet..."
"I...don't even know how you love me..."
"I love you because you have a good spark." He moved a hand down to Jetfire's chassis, resting it on the Autobot symbol.
Jetfire pressed his forehead against Red's. "Primus, how can you say that..."
"You have a good spark. A good spark that was stuck in a war. A good spark that followed what he had to do to survive, and is able to see what was wrong." Red Alert kissed Jetfire's lips before pulling away. "I don't know how to help you see yourself the way I do, but if you love me this much..."
Jetfire kissed Red Alert forehead. "I'm tired..."
Red Alert lowered himself back down to Jetfire's chassis. "Let's recharge. I think you need it."
Jetfire curled up, holding his partner close. Even if he couldn't figure out how to love himself...at least he could love another.
"Jetfire?" Red Alert whispered.
"Hm?"
"I'm sorry."
"Sorry for what?"
"For asking you. I shouldn't have-"
Jetfire rubbed Red's back reassuringly. "No, you're okay, don't worry."
Red Alert sighed. "I'm worried about you, though."
"...I know."
"We'll...we'll figure it out, okay?"
Jetfire nodded as he felt his systems shut down. "Okay."
"I love you, Jetfire. Don't forget that."
Jetfire smiled. "I won't."