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I cannot float and I'm sinking down
What if I'm wrong and I got everything all wrong, then what?
Then what?
In the quiet darkness of the living room, Yuma sits alone on the cold floor. His eyes are lost in the glow of the moon which reflects beautifully in them.
He always receives compliments on his eyes. How big they are, how they seem to sparkle. They feel different tonight.
They sting.
As time slowly passes, Yuma starts feeling more hollow. The imminent end didn't come off as a shock to him, it was more of a truth that was becoming harder to ignore.
"Atto yū ma." He whispers bitterly, curling his fingers around his cardigan into a fist. He feels strangely calm and tries biting the inside of his mouth as if the sharp sting would stir some emotion, help him feel something. Anything. But the pain is fleeting and the void inside his own chest remains.
Calm.
“What are you doing there?” A voice calls in the dark, padding its way towards him. A familiar figure sits beside him, quickly laying his head on his lap.
Yuma's fingers quickly untangle from the soft fabric and start stroking through his hair. “I couldn’t sleep.”
“You should have come to my bed then.”
“You know I shouldn’t.” Yuma says with a small smile.
“You could still have.”
“I know.”
Nicholas chuckles, leaning up to press a light kiss to the corner of Yuma's lips. “Let’s go back to bed.”
“I— Was hoping we could stay up a little longer.”
“All of a sudden?”
“Yeah. Is that bad?”
“No, no. It’s okay. Did you want to lay down?”
“Yeah… Let's lay down.”
Nicholas nods lightly and stands up to get a couple of cushions from the couch and a blanket, putting together a makeshift futon for both. Yuma smiles and moves to curl up in the bed, looking up at him. “C’mere."
“You’re clingy tonight. Are you sure you’re okay?” Nicho makes a soft grunt that sounds like faint purring, as he lays down beside him.
“Yeah, I am.” Yuma turns to look at him. Nicholas is laying by the glass door so the moonlight outlines his profile.
He looks ethereal.
The way the silver halo softens the sharp lines is as if the moon itself had carved them from the shadows… Yuma feels his chest constrain.
It hurts.
A hesitant finger traces the outline of Nicholas’ face, barely grazing his skin as if it would burn him if he lingered too long. His beautiful glow, so warm and lively, was also a threat; one misstep and his flames could consume everything in its path.
Including his own heart.
Nicholas half smiles and turns to look at Yuma, raising an eyebrow. “What are you doing?”
“What does it look like I’m doing?” Yuma taunts, raising an eyebrow back at him.
“Being annoying.” He says, tilting his head to nibble at Yuma’s finger.
“Gross, you’re drooling on me.”
“Like I haven’t drooled on you before. You didn’t seem to hate it back then if I remember correctly.”
Point made.
Yuma just watches him, doing his best to force a smile through. He regrets having crossed that line once, then twice, then once more.
On top of alluring, he was addictive.
If we're being forced to hang in there imprisoned by the word called "love"
It's all gone, what is it for?
“Aren’t you tired yet?”
“Not yet.” Yuma replies, moving closer to rest his head on Nicholas’ chest. He closes his eyes to focus on his heartbeat. “Does it race?”
“What?”
“When you see me— Does it race?”
“What’s with all these questions?” Nicho’s laugh is high-pitched and shaky as he attempts to sit up and look down at Yuma, but Yuma doesn’t budge and instead presses down to stop him from rising further.
“… Is that a no?”
“Yucchan...“
“Shh, I’m trying to listen.” He falters, a shiver goes down his spine.
Nicholas just lays back down and wraps his arms around him. “Are you cold? You’re trembling.”
Yuma shakes his head, blinking a couple of tears away. “Don’t be silly, you’re keeping me warm after all.”
An empty silence hangs between them, as if the space between their hearts had grown too wide to bridge, despite their physical closeness. Neither dares to, anyway.
Yuma stopped trying long ago.
“Nicho— If you could wish for anything right now, what would it be?”
“At this point, probably to sleep for a whole day. Or maybe never getting tired from practice. What about you?”
The night before falling
Out of what we thought love is
A tangled story that no words can untangle
Hoping to leave behind the ending that will be too painful
Let's just leave it tonight
“For this night to last forever."