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Captain Zhu Yuan was never one to visibly show anger. She could definitely get angry, even on the job, but the “Diamond of PubSec” had an uncanny ability to bury those feelings and emotions, keeping an even composure even in the most high-stress environments.
So, seeing Zhu Yuan enter N.E.P.S. Headquarters visibly and outright seething in rage, set everyone in her path scurrying like rats to get out of her way.
Seth, one of her subordinates on the Criminal Investigation Special Response Team, did not have that luxury. He was so spooked by the sight that he froze like a deer in headlights as Zhu Yuan nudged him out of the way, slamming a wrinkled newspaper onto her desk, then taking her seat glaring daggers at her computer monitor, before turning those daggers on him when he didn’t look away quickly enough.
“Do you have something to say, Officer?” Zhu Yuan spat, her voice dripping venom.
“Uh… n… no, ma’am?” Seth whimpered.
“Then get back to work. I’m not in the mood to deal with gawkers. I’ve already had enough of that just on the Metro getting here.”
Seth blinked, his annoyance with his captain’s mood bubbling at the most opportune time. “Well, excuse me, your highness…” he grumbled, turning back to his desk before he heard a slam at Zhu Yuan’s desk as she jumped up to her feet again.
“You!” She bellowed.
Seth cringed, his moment of courage abandoning him. “M… me?”
“You did this! How dare you!”
The cat thiren blinked rapidly as Zhu Yuan stomped angrily towards him. “Hunh?”
“The gall! The insubordination! The disrespect to a senior officer!” Zhu Yuan snarled.
“I… I… I’m sorry?”
“Sorry isn’t going to cut it, officer!” Zhu Yuan screamed, now face to face with him. “Do you have any idea how many regulations you have violated? You’re going to be lucky if I only have your badge for this!”
“Okay… time out…” Seth asked, “I think there’s a few steps we’re skipping with some mild backtalk leading to termination here…”
Qingyi had been diligently working on signing off on various papers in a stack on her desk, showing all appearance that she had not even been processing the confrontation about three meters away… until she snorted with enough volume to draw her captain’s attention.
“Is something funny, Qingyi?”
“Oh yes,” the android replied. “Very amusing, in fact. Seth has no idea what you are even angry about, much less is the one responsible for it.”
The cat thiren nodded fearfully.
Zhu Yuan’s eyes narrowed as she scrutinized her subordinate.
Qingyi continued, “Officer Seth Lowell has several online and print subscriptions across three online accounts. New Eridu Style is not one of them, nor has he ever even bought single issues from newsstands in the last year.”
Seth raised one finger, and said, “While I appreciate your defense, Qingyi, I am rather alarmed that you know all this just off the top of your head.”
Zhu Yuan took a step back, straightened her tie, and apologized gruffly. “I am sorry for my outburst. It was unbecoming of me. If you wish, I can have you meet with your union steward and you can escalate this matter to my superior.”
Seth shook his head. “That… won’t be necessary. Just… do I even want to know what’s going on here?”
“No, you don’t,” Zhu Yuan almost hissed. “The less you know, the better.”
The captain returned to her desk, and Seth warily and gingerly returned to his. He found himself staring at his e-mail list, unable to find the will to do much of anything due to the confused daze that hadn’t cleared in his brain.
Enlightenment came a minute later as Tomiya stealthily slipped a file folder onto his desk, a very much out of place glossy magazine tucked between the flaps, and a pink sticky note marking a specific page.
“Agent Doe said to get this to you ASAP,” she said quietly, then immediately dipped into the hall, no doubt wanting to be anywhere else but there at that moment.
Seth could empathize.
Glancing over warily at his captain, Seth examined the magazine, titled “New Eridu Style,” featuring Astra Yao on the cover wearing a dress that she probably wouldn’t want to run anywhere in... or bend over… or breathe particularly heavy.
But it was very clearly the marked page that Seth was supposed to see, and he understood everything the instant he opened to the mark. Seth’s eyes nearly bulged out of their sockets as he saw his captain, with big white letters outlined in black heralding:
“THE CAKE QUEEN OF NEW ERIDU”
The picture itself was fairly tame compared to what the cover would suggest to the magazine’s content. Captain Zhu Yuan, in full field uniform, eating a donut, but with an angle that really showed off his captain’s… PubSec famous rear end in all its round glory.
Let no one say that PubSec’s field uniform left much to the imagination on that score.
The article that was attached to the photo went even further to explain his captain’s sour mood.
“I think we all know where that pastry is going straight to.”
“Ladies and gentlemen, we got hundreds of responses to last month’s call for New Eridu’s best booties, our greatest glutes, our hottest haunches, our classiest cheeks, but all we needed was one look to know our winner.”
“This is Captain Zhu Yuan of New Eridu Public Security, and we can only imagine that her presence does more for morale than a hundred Officer Mewmews. That is a truly spectacular rear, and let’s just say the rest of the package is awfully fine to boot. Among our staff, half have an inexplicable desire to commit crimes on Sixth Street, while the other half only has one question:”
“Captain Zhu Yuan, are you taking applications for a chair?”
Seth closed the magazine so abruptly that it slapped loudly, drawing Zhu Yuan’s questioning glare, which Seth met with a nervous smile and a tentative wave. He then turned his attention back towards pretending to look at his e-mail until he finally felt his captain’s eyes turn from him.
No wonder Zhu Yuan was so angry. “Disrespectful” didn’t even come close to describing that spread. It was vile. Seth knew how hard his captain worked, and how hard she had to, twice as hard to get half as much as the parade of generic middle-aged mediocre men who came and went from PubSec any given year.
For all of that to be reduced to some smarmy photo and lewd article, to be regarded like she was a cut of meat without any feelings or thoughts on how she was viewed. He could only imagine half of those generic men in PubSec who weren’t fit to shine her boots were speaking in whispers about the “hottie with the hot ass in Criminal Investigations" right now.
To hell with Zhu Yuan. Seth was starting to get angry over this.
“Hey Captain, I need to talk with you. Got a minute?”
Seth recognized the voice as he looked over to the entrance to the division office. A slender man with gray hair and casual wear, sporting a H.A.N.D. contractor badge clipped to the strap of his shoulder pack.
Wise, manager of Random Play, and a Proxy currently working with Hollow Special Operations Section 6.
Boy, had that revelation been a source of quality drama in and of itself. Seth still wasn’t sure how to feel about this man; while by all accounts he was working in full accordance with H.A.N.D. and everything was currently on the level, Seth had personally seen how much the revelation of Wise being a proxy, as well as the betrayal of Commander Bringer, had destroyed Zhu Yuan.
It had concerned Qingyi so much that she had stayed with Zhu Yuan for three days just to make sure Zhu Yuan was even eating, because apparently his captain had fallen into a – mercifully temporary – depressive state that had required therapy to pull her out of.
While Zhu Yuan and Wise were “good” again, according to her, Seth knew that there was no way in hell that it didn’t bother his captain at least a little and was probably going to bother her for a long time.
“Was it you?” Zhu Yuan snarled with a wary glare as she got up to approach the proxy. “I swear, after everything we have done to rebuild the trust I had in you, if I find out you were the one who…”
“It wasn’t Wise,” Qingyi interrupted again. “The angle from which the photo was taken would have either required him to have been bending over, kneeling, or taking a blind shot roughly from chest height. I suspect you would have noticed him doing either of the first two, and while he’s a remarkably good photographer, the odds that he would be able to pull off a blind take with few enough shots before you noticed that is so small that it’s not even worth considering as a possibility.”
“Although, that is what I want to talk to you about,” Wise declared, his voice concerned. “There’s already been three commission requests on the Inter-Knot by people looking for… questionable photos. One explicitly requesting nudes.”
At that point, Zhu Yuan’s anger cracked, replaced with a dismayed whimper.
“Fairy and I managed to scrub the internet of all pictures of last year’s PubSec pool party, so that should be taken care of.” He then looked around sheepishly, and rubbed the back of his head, as he added, “And out of an abundance of caution, I’ve also removed… uhhh… them… from any of my potentially shared networks and personal storage.”
Zhu Yuan blushed bright red, a reaction that Seth momentarily didn’t know what to do with, until it clicked a beat later. Qingyi, on the other hand, got it immediately, and her eyebrows rose in surprise.
The android said suggestively, “My, my, Zhu Yuan. I didn’t realize you two have gotten that close.”
The captain turned her head and said, “It’s not what it sounds like…” then noticing Wise’s own blush and skeptical expressions from her teammates admitted, “Okay, fine, it’s exactly what it sounds like.”
“Oh, don’t fret, soon this will blow over, and you’ll be able to give our delightful proxy manager new material to reward his honorable sacrifice.”
Heads all turned to acknowledge the newest arrival, Agent Jane Doe, looking far too smug for Zhu Yuan’s tastes.
“If you are responsible for this…” the captain began.
Before Qingyi could interrupt again, Jane replied, “Oh, Captain, my captain, if I had been responsible for that photo, I would have outright told you after I submitted it to New Eridu Style.”
The rat thiren rounded Wise playfully, quicker than Zhu Yuan followed. “Though, honestly, Zhu-dear, it was truly only a matter of time before all of New Eridu discovered that superb dumpy of yours.”
Jane took advantage of her position to give Zhu Yuan a less than gentle smack on said posterior, causing Zhu Yuan to squeak in a most undignified manner. She then regarded Wise’s displeasure with a wink. “Now, now, it is not fair at all that you have kept that treasure all to yourself. Learn to share, young manager.”
“Is there anything of importance that brings you here, Agent Doe?” Zhu Yuan asked grumpily, “Or are you here just to torment me?”
The rat thiren’s taunting visage morphed into genuine concern. “Actually, I did want to let you know that I have also been doing some… asset management as well. I was able to erase some security camera footage from LaBeau’s Boutique that was illicitly aimed at the women’s changing rooms and reported the existence of said camera to PubSec’s Violations Department. I also… convinced a young man in an apartment complex across the street from yours that it was quite improper to go up to the roof of his complex to try and get some photos through your bedroom window.”
Zhu Yuan’s dismay turned into an audible moan of misery, and she didn’t even try to push Wise away as he hugged her tenderly. The captain was in some genuine distress if she was accepting unsolicited close physical contact without her self-defense instincts kicking in.
“It’s okay, we’ll get through this,” Wise muttered softly into her ear.
“This will blow over,” Jane added. “The public’s attention span is notoriously short, and all of us will do everything we can to preserve your dignity in the meantime.”
Zhu Yuan was visibly buoyed by the silent confirmation of everyone in the office. She wiped her eyes of any potential moisture and said, “Thank you. It does mean a lot to hear that. Though finding out who was responsible for that photo would also help a great deal.”
Little did anyone know that answers would come mere minutes later.
It wasn’t totally unheard of for Miyabi to visit NEPS Headquarters, in fact she would show up usually twice a week for lunch with Zhu Yuan or for a workout session at Silver’s Gym in Lumina Square. So, the captain didn’t instantly find it out of place that she would show up right at that moment.
“Captain Zhu Yuan, I am returning your gym membership card,” Miyabi said, handing over the silver-colored plastic card. “I have managed to relocate mine, so I no longer need yours.”
“Thank you, Miyabi,” Zhu Yuan said, quite pleased with herself that she didn’t reflect any distress.
The void hunter then processed other people in the room. “Wise.”
The proxy nodded, “Miss Hoshimi.”
“We’re taking another dive into Hollow Melinoe next Monday. I trust you’ll be ready.”
“As always.”
Miyabi nodded with approval, and said, “Good.” Her eyes then did a full scan of her surroundings, and noted, “I see that you have a full assembly here, so I shall not… oh!”
Somehow, the void hunter had spied the copy of New Eridu Style on Seth’s desk, and immediately shimmied over to it. “Is this the new issue? Yes, I do believe it is.”
Seth winced as Zhu Yuan’s realized what it was and tried to offer a warning, “Miyabi! Don’t look at that!”
But by that point, it was too late. Miyabi had already turned to the marked page. She regarded it quietly for far too long, before saying, “Ah. They used my photo.”
Five collective jaws dropped simultaneously.
“M… Miyabi?” Zhu Yuan asked in outright terror.
“My aunt is an avid reader of this publication, and I noticed in last month’s issue that they were asking for the best butt in New Eridu. So naturally, I thought of you, Captain.”
Zhu Yuan’s eyes narrowed into dots, and she started staring through the wall into the void far beyond. “B… b… buh… M… Miy… abi…”
“I remembered the photo I took when you and Qingyi had just purchased some Lucky Star Donuts. I had thought at the time that the camera angle perfectly accentuated the remarkable curve of your buttocks. Knowing how much your posterior had caused you so much distress when we were students, I thought it would a perfect opportunity to bolster your confidence with that part of your body.”
Zhu Yuan had gone completely catatonic, not even responding to Wise’s gentle shake of her shoulders.
“I hope this helps you with your self-confidence,” Miyabi said in conclusion. “You are truly a remarkable woman in so many ways, and body confidence is a large part of self-esteem. You deserve to love yourself, and I hope being appreciated in this fashion will help.”
The PubSec Captain’s soul had vacated her physical form, unable to respond even if she had wanted to. Which she didn’t.
Miyabi returned to the doorway, her job done, and offered a parting, “May all of you have a pleasant day.”
Silence ruled the office after Miyabi left, a long pregnant pause that at most lasted a minute but felt like hours. Zhu Yuan’s soul slowly settled back in, her eyes focusing back on the immediate surroundings, becoming aware of Wise’s arm over her shoulders, and of three PubSec agents in varying states of restraining their amusement.
Jane was doing the worst job, her heavy and jerky breathing betraying chuckles. Qingyi superficially was holding on the best, carrying a perfectly neutral expression, except for the eyes which were frantically trembling in their sockets and betraying her true thoughts.
Seth, poor Seth, on the other hand, was dying. He was standing at full attention, his face turning a vibrant red, nostril’s flaring as he clenched his eyes and lips tightly closed, high pressure wheezes occasionally escaping as he valiantly held onto his composure with all his might.
With a groan of surrender, Zhu Yuan dropped her face into her right hand and said, “Oh, fine. Get it out of your systems.”
At that point, the amusement burst like a grenade. Qingyi dropped her head on her desk, her right fist pounding the desk top repeatedly and her entire body shaking with peals of laughter. Jane had collapsed against the wall next to the briefing board, sliding slowly down to the floor and howling with tears starting to roll down her cheeks. Seth had doubled over, hands on his knees alternating between laughing and deep wheezing breaths.
Wise, to his credit, wasn’t being as obvious about it. He was shaking with mirth a little bit, and betraying some breathy, amused snorts, but was doing his best, knowing how much this had distressed the captain.
Her eyes locked on the photo where Miyabi had left the magazine open. She couldn’t even be that mad at Miyabi for it. Damn girl thought she had been helping.
Wise followed Zhu Yuan’s gaze, and leaned into her ear, “It is a good shot, though.”
He would know better than anyone, Zhu Yuan figured. Perhaps one day, she’d be able to laugh at it all too… but that day was not today.
“Oh yes,” she finally deadpanned. “Hail to the goddamn queen.”