Work Text:
Nikolai was hella bored to say the least, those days, the DOA was calm, Sigma was at his casino, Fyodor was…well…eating his lice while planning for world domination…
Nikolai has an idea, since his beloved Fedya was always busy working on world domination, he couldn’t talk to him that much…
So why not cooking weed filled cookies and give them to him ?
Nikolai got up, used overcoat to teleport himself to see drug dealers.
Random drug dealer: What do you want pookie ?
Nikolai: I want weed, but the one that makes you trip really hard, it’s for my rat sussy baka pookie
Random drug dealer: *cutely gives weed*
Nikolai went back to the kitchen, and started cooking…And of course we’ll let him cook…
After he finished cooking, the cookies were looking so toe curling that even a psych ward patient will have enough common sense to refuse to eat them…
Nikolai knew that Fyodor was smart enough to notice the weed in the cookies…So he painted the cookies
Nikolai: YUMMY PAINT
Then he went to see Fyodor
Nikolai: FEDYA ! FEDYA ! PLEASEEEEE TASTE MY COOKIES
Fyodor was as usual working on his laptop, he had a devious turtle smile that spread all over his face
Fyodor: Why is there paint and weed in your cookies ?
Nikolai: That’s…well…that’s for the body and the mind…
Fyodor knew well that the cookies weren’t normal, but he still ate them though…
Fyodor: WHY MY PET DINOSAUR DIED IN THE PREHISTORICAL ERA….I WAS HAVING SO MUCH FUN WITH MY DINOSAUR…ESPECIALLY WHEN WE MADE A DINNER WITH THE OIL OF MY GREASY HAIR
Nikolai: NO THAT WASN’T WHAT I WAS LOOKING FOR…COME ON FEDYA BE SILLY
Fyodor: NIKOLAI I’M GONNA MAKE YOU DINO NUGGETS THEN FEED IT MY RATS
Nikolai: I killed your rats, they were slowly replacing me
Fyodor: NOT MY RATS WITH WHO I PLANNED WORLD DOMINATION
Nikolai: I think weed wasn’t a good idea…
Sigma arrived, since he loved cookies, he went to pick some, but unfortunately ended eating 20 of them, and of course had ingested 50g of weed
Sigma: I’M THE SIGMA ! I’M THE RIZZLER AND I HAVE 2478764 DISCORD KITTENS !!
Nikolai: I THINK I CAUSED SOME OPPSIE DAISY
Fyodor was showering with vodka, Sigma changed his name to “Ligma” Nikolai was hiding in the fridge praying for everything to stop
Fyodor: *counts his lice*
The next day, after the effects of the weed has worn out, Sigma found himself summoning cookies, Fyodor was in Siberia and he didn’t even knew how
Fyodor: Nikolai explain yourself
Nikolai: Well Fedya…you’re the one who tasted them even though you knew there was weed…
Fyodor: The question is not wether or not there was weed inside the cookies. OF COURSE I KNEW IT !! I need to know what did you put inside the weed
Nikolai: Well…I think you noticed right there…
What did Nikolai put inside the weed ?
It will remain among mankind mysteries