Work Text:
Dazai was working at a fast food with Atsushi, (Dazai got kicked from the ADA because he got too silly). And what about Atsushi ? He choose to follow him of course…
Everything was chill, until a new customer came,
It was Fyodor
No doubt, the greasy hair, the anemic looking face+ the iron supplements he was holding onto like a lifeline, the fluffy ushanka, the demeanor that screams “I summoned rats to help me for world domination”
Dazai: Atsushi listen…there is Fyodor…
Atsushi: WHO *fisheye*
Dazai: No need to panic we’ll just need to cook him the most toe curling stuff…
Fyodor: Well…well…I’m eager to see thou Dazai dear…It seems like you’ve been running out of a job lately…
Dazai: And you you’re running out of hemoglobins as always…
Fyodor: And Assushi is with you ? I mean…Atsushi sorry
Dazai: Yes FYORAT
Fyodor: What a nasty way of hosting customers…
Dazai: Nasty just like your juicy grippers
Fyodor: *emotional damage*
Atsushi: Well what do you want to order…
Fyodor: Well I’d like to have both of your heads with a supplements of your abilities…
Dazai: No seriously…
Fyodor: *tells the order*
Dazai: Well Atsushi…we’re going to put rat poison in the fries…
Atsushi: Isn’t it a bit too radical ?
Dazai: Don’t worry he’ll survive that…or not…
They prepared the fries, of course the oil was rotten
Fyodor: I can’t help but feel utter disgust and abhor as I look at this glistening dish
Dazai: It’s even as greasy as your hair !
Fyodor tasted this weird thingy, and not even after one bite, it was the cardiac arrest
Atsushi: He isn’t waking up ? Is he okay ?
Dazai: LOL I THINK THE FRIES LITERALLY GAVE HIM A HEART ATTACK
Atsushi: I get it now ! It was a plan to get rid of Fyodor ?
Dazai: Yes, in fact I planned everything, getting kicked out of the ADA to get to work here, I knew Fyodor would come, I’m two steps ahead, I expected this move from him