Archive of Our Own

Eva set down the machine. With the weight of it finally lifted from her arms, she only now got a look at the patient’s small bedroom. She figured she could use this time to take a break. There wasn’t much to do except explore parts of the room, but anything would suffice before diving into her assignment.

She strategically stepped on the few areas of the floor where she could actually see the hardwood. Most of it suffered from an infestation of dirty clothes, energy bar wrappers, and miscellaneous junk that had piled up over time. The patient likely didn’t have the energy to care about the room’s cleanliness. She supposed she couldn’t blame him.

On the walls, Eva found herself staring at several posters, all of them superheroes. They were supposed to be flying triumphantly in the air, but many of the corners were peeling away from the wall — the tape just couldn’t support them after some time. So they limped downward. 

She delicately stepped over to one of the corners of the room. A cluttered desk , she noticed. It’s full of a bunch of random items. Most of them seem to be paraphernalia from video games. She picked up a figurine. It was of a blonde woman with wings and a large, flowing purple robe. I feel like I recognize this one. Ugh, what’s the name of that game? Qui…Quintillion: The…something?

…

I’ll look it up later.

Defeated, she set it down and moved on. In particular, the small tree on the nightstand caught her attention. It was planted in a surprisingly elegant wooden box. The fairly thick trunk twisted up, a home to an impressive amount of leaves that were rather dull in color. 

A bonsai tree. Judging by its size, it seems to have been greatly cared for over the years. But… — she gently held one of the leaves, accidentally breaking it off — …the leaves are now brittle. At some point, it didn’t receive enough attention….

For some time, Eva just rolled the brittle leaf in between her fingers, breaking off more fragments of it. Distraction like this was welcome as she felt the severity of the situation bleeding in. But she knew she couldn’t waste time much longer.

Normally she could keep the ache inside her at bay during a job. She persevered with every stressful assignment and every tomato thrown at the windows of Sigmund. Having dealt with all that, she did develop a rather thick skin, aided by her staunch belief in the value of her work. After all, she became a memory scientist to help people. But today, that ache rotted through her.

She was suddenly interrupted by her cell phone ringing. Reading the caller ID, she grumbled to herself before answering.

A cheery voice rang through the other end of the line. “Hey, girl, heyyy!”

“Let me guess, Roxie, you’re offering to take my place for this assignment?” Eva said in the most unamused tone she could muster.

“Ohhh! Gosh, the thought honestly didn’t cross my mind! Buuut, if you’re offering…ohhh, I guess I could squeeze a little time into my schedule today! Just for you! ‘Cause what else are friends for —”

“This is the third time this week you’ve asked. The answer is still no.”

“Awww, c’monnnnn!” Roxie whined. “This is a sweet deal! Who the hell refuses an offer to do less work?”

“Me,” Eva answered frankly.

“Fiiiiiine ,” Roxie sighed dramatically. “The offer’s still open whether you like it or not! So let me know if you change your mind!”

Before Eva could say anything, she hung up.

Huh , she thought to herself, for Roxie, that was pretty easy.

Then her cell phone rang again

…A bit too easy .

This time, Rob’s name flashed on the screen. Eva answered it once more.

She cut to the chase, “Roxie already called me.”

“I know. She’s right next to me telling me to convince you,” Rob replied.

“HEY! ” Eva heard in the background. “You’re not supposed to let her know I’m here! I told you this! ”

Rob continued, ignoring her complaints, “Anyway, I’m not going to try to tell you what to do. I just…hope you’re okay to do this.”

As much as he tried to hide it, Eva sensed the discomfort in his voice. She knew it would probably be a great relief to him to give the assignment to him and Roxie. But she couldn’t.

“I’m okay, yes,” she reassured him. “I’d feel much worse if I wasn’t the one doing this.”

“Very well,” Rob said. “We’ll be right here if you need us — during your assignment…and afterwards.”

Eva made note of that. She supposed she should be thankful to have such supportive friends around her. “Thanks, Rob.”

“Best of luck.”

Hanging up the phone, Eva made her way to the doctor — a familiar face from previous jobs. She knew the routine at this point.

“The patient monitor,” the doctor said, handing it to Eva.

Eva gave him a quick nod. She turned back to head toward the machine when she was interrupted.

“I’m…so sorry, Dr. Rosalene,” he said from behind her. 

Eva stopped in her tracks. She caught a glimpse of the man in bed — the man whose memories she was about to edit. That one sentence chipped at the exterior she was trying to maintain, just enough for her to feel the sourness of emotion welling up in her throat. She gripped the patient monitor. A few seconds passed by as she calmed herself down. 

“Thank you,” she said quietly. 

They paused. “Whenever you’re ready, Doctor.”

Eva nodded in response. 

She made her way to the machine to modify some of the settings. It took her a bit longer than usual. The settings weren’t grouped in ways she was used to. She kept hitting the wrong keys, having been better accustomed to the other machines at Sigmund she’s had to work with. But she dealt with it.

The patient requested that his machine be used for this, after all. 

Eva looked over at the sickly man that laid motionless in bed as she punched in the last few settings. His stillness served as an eerie contrast to the active beeps and whirrs of the machine tasked with keeping him alive just a little bit longer. 

Despite his appearance, Eva found some peace in it. She hadn’t seen him in quite a while, but even when she did, he looked all the more tired and weak, often unable to find the energy to do all that he wanted. At least while he was like this, he was resting, unbothered by the nagging sense of finality in his life and the weight of regrets that must have influenced him to seek out Sigmund’s services in the first place.

Today was her chance to make up for it. For everything. In any way she could.

Though he didn’t make it easy. Despite going through the trouble to sign up for this, what he wanted to change in his memories was left a mystery. As it turned out, not even death hanging over him could make him reveal this thinking. She should have expected this. No matter. Eva had dealt with this before. She braced herself to do it again. 

Besides, she had a sense of what Neil wanted anyway.

So she put her helmet on. She pressed a button. And she was in his memories.

Landing in a simulation of the very same room she was in, she walked around to find him — or, his copy at least. His place wasn’t very big, so she figured he’d be easy enough to find. She exited his bedroom and was proven right.

Neil’s copy stood in the hallway. He looked just as she remembered him the last time she saw him. It made her gasp a little. It was odd. She had seen a ton of patient copies after just having seen them limp and motionless in their bed. But this was the first time she felt startled by the change in image. Even if Neil did look a bit thinner, paler, tired, the difference between his appearance here and the real world sent a chill down her spine. Maybe it was because both of them barely felt like the lively Neil that lived in her memory. Or maybe she just had enough of a connection to him to know that something was off.

Eva pushed past her unease. She stepped forward. Neil turned his head toward her and smiled.

“You’re here,” he said. “I’m…happy about that.”

There was a delicateness to his voice when he said that. Eva felt a twinge in her stomach over the meaning of his delight in seeing her. It was hard to tell. It threw Eva off of any train of thought she might have had. 

“I, I mean I was secretly hoping they wouldn’t assign Roxie and Rob to me!” he quickly backpedaled. “The last thing I need is Rob in my memories….”

Eva stayed silent. She tried to crack a slight smile, but based on Neil’s guilty expression, she knew her face didn’t do that.

“Hey,” Neil began, “I updated a few things on this machine a while back. Remember how I was able to change our appearances that one time? During the Reeds case?”

Eva nodded.

Neil folded his arms and smirked. His stance now oozed with confidence and pride. “Welllll, I added another feature to this! C’mon, test it out!”

Eva followed suit, figuring out the command. Before her eyes was the Sigmund Corp. building towering over them on a bright sunny day. 

“That’s right! I found a way to change the location of the very last memory! Now we can talk wherever we want…or, wherever is available on here. There’s only so much I’ve programmed…or seen in my life.”

Eva looked around. It looked strikingly accurate to the campus she familiarized herself with, from the shrubs that surrounded the entrance, to the blue and rust red accents that accompanied the gray building, and of course the massive hexagonal logo. Apparently, Neil even made sure to include residue from the now-dried tomatoes that pelted the place. Eva didn’t feel great being reminded of that. But nonetheless, she couldn’t help but be impressed.

“Again, again!” Neil eagerly insisted. 

They both found themselves slightly sinking into warm, sun-drenched sand. Now they were on the beach, surrounded by sandcastles decorated with shells, a pristine blue sky, and waves perfect for surfing. There was no one else around, except for some seagulls that made their presence known with their calls.

Eva switched the location again. This time, they were on top of a familiar lighthouse overlooking the ocean at night.

She switched it again. 

They were greeted by a gentle breeze that weaved its way through what seemed like miles of rows of lavender that surrounded them. All of it was illuminated by the night sky above, which teemed with centuries of stars above them. 

Eva noticed them twinkling in Neil’s glasses as he looked up at the sky with admiration. 

“I like this one a lot,” he commented.

Eva liked it, too. The sound of the soft wind, the purple gently brushing up against her lab coat, the abundance of stars in the sky — it was truly serene.

She decided to stick with this location.

“I’ve, uh, been working on this for some time,” he told her. “Pretty cool what you can do with the right coding.”

Eva had noticed him staying at Sigmund until well after everyone else had left to go home. She wondered what he was doing there so late. And she supposed now she had her answer. 

“I guess…I just hoped to show it to you.”

Eva couldn’t help but think it was sweet that Neil put in that time to show her this. At the same time, she thought about how he could have spent his time relaxing instead — he deserved to give himself a break, especially when he had such little energy. It felt a little pointless to devote so much time just to show it to her.

Neil looked around, hands behind his back. “Eva?” he asked to get her attention. “Anything you wanna say? Before you go?”

She realized how silent she had been all this time. He was probably just pointing that out. But his look. It was almost…expectant.

She took a deep breath. “Neil…I…”

Neil’s face lit up as she spoke.

 “…I need a memento from you, Neil.”

His expression dimmed just enough for her to notice. “R-Right…um…”

He rifled through the pocket of his lab coat before tossing something to Eva.

It was…a popsicle stick. With a pun on it.

Eva’s first instinct was to roll her eyes at him. Because of course he’d do this. Even when facing death he just couldn’t help but make a joke out of it.

On the other hand, she knew it was best to reel back her dismissive attitude. Experience has taught her not to question the random mementos that get thrown her way. She’s seen how seemingly insignificant objects can take people back to profound places in their lives. Even this popsicle stick seemed familiar, even if she didn’t know why. But all she could do was trust her client.

“Thanks,” she said. She didn’t want to say anything more. More than anything she wanted this job to be over. So she began to prepare the memento.

“Wait,” Neil interjected, “I, um, I need to ask you something, Eva.”

Her stomach felt tight. “Yes?”

“I was just thinking…since you’re doing this all by yourself, um…could you make it so I can, y’know…”

Eva stared at him, analyzing his face to try to predict what he’s about to suggest.

“…so I can move around in my memories?”

Eva’s eyes widened.

“J-Just in case…” Neil said meekly. 

“Neil. ”

Neil flinched in the face of her obvious incredulity.

“You want me to give you control? ”

“Y-Yeah! Just some control, not all of it! I mean, who better to trust with my memories than me, right? Heh heh….”

He looked like he sensed the lecture that would start pouring out of Eva with that statement.

“Neil, I don’t even know where to start with this. ”

“And heeere we go…” he complained as he shuffled his feet.

His annoyance only fueled her aggravation. “First of all, it’s like you want me to stress out over the lawsuits that would come my way if I allowed this. Second, you know better than anyone how important it is that the patient doesn’t interfere with what we do. Their presence could cause irreparable paradoxes and break their memory all together if we’re not careful! And finally…finally…” — Eva took a deep breath to calm herself — “...your mental processes aren’t exactly at their strongest…in your current state. It might be dangerous for you to exert that kind of energy onto your copy.”

Neil paused to think of a response.

“Well…I won’t accompany you for this. I’ll just stay here unless something goes wrong. That shouldn’t break anything, right?”

“I…” — Eva tried to think of a rebuttal…but failed — “I guess not —”

Neil smiled brightly after having “won” that one. “And if I stay here, that won’t be too much for my brain, will it?”

“…No, I suppose not.”

“As for the lawsuits, I, uh, don’t have much of a rebuttal for those…”

Of course he didn’t.

“…But if those other concerns won’t be an issue, you probably won’t have a lawsuit!”

Eva huffed in exasperation. A part of her, despite Neil’s arguments, was still unconvinced. Normally she would refuse him outright and move on with her work. 

But she couldn’t deny this carried more weight than any of their other spats about work. With him as her patient, Eva was less willing to be as harsh.

“Fine,” she conceded. “You are a scientist at Sigmund. You know how to navigate memories. I guess if there’s anyone who would be able to move through their own memories…”

“…It would be me! Because I’m awesome…I mean, we’re awesome — we’re always awesome — but this is my moment right now. And you can’t refute that because I’m currently dying, and you’d be a jerk if you did.”

Eva very nearly cracked a smile at that one. As insufferable as he could be, Neil always managed to be a little funny. 

“Okay…let me change a few settings then.”

She quickly plugged in some commands to allow the Neil copy to move into memories, and provided an emergency override if she was somehow in danger. She also decided to not pause him for now. He didn’t have as much control as she did, but certainly more than she would ever think to give anyone else. Though admittedly, she did find some relief knowing she didn’t have to be totally alone in his head.

“I feel… powerful, ” Neil said, jokingly flexing what little muscles he had on his arms.

“…I have to go soon,” Eva reminded him.

“Hmph. Tough crowd.”

Eva rolled her eyes. “I didn’t mean —”

“Ha, I know. Just joking,” Neil reassured her. “Well…stay safe out there.”

“…Always.”

Eva reached toward the memento Neil gave her, triggering its barrier to appear. She easily shattered it and prepared and activated it.

And with a white flash of light, she was on her way to the next memory. 

She landed right by a counter where customers order food. 

The ice cream parlor, she recognized. It’s a quaint place. Been around for a long time. And it definitely shows its age sometimes .

One way that stood out to her was the giant art that covered most of the wall to the left of her. A bunch of huge ice cream cones with overbearing smiles dancing around some music notes. The paint has been chipped away in some areas, making it look a little creepy. But I’ve been here enough times that I’ve gotten used to it.

Eva earned a memory orb from that.

The wear and tear was a testament to how popular it remained throughout the years. To Eva and her friends especially, it served as a reliable hangout spot. It was a nice pick-me-up after some exhausting shifts at Sigmund. 

She walked over to Neil, who stood by the counter holding a tray of paper bowls of various ice creams: one strawberry, one mint chocolate chip, and one funfetti. The only one missing was Neil’s order, which he was reaching out to grab.

“AND HERE IS YOUR RICE CREAM,” Eva heard a robotic voice say. 

She peeked behind the counter to see a little white robot with a large central eye and red and black bands around its body. It extended a white popsicle toward Neil with a thin metallic arm. 

It was odd. Eva didn’t remember seeing a robot anywhere here. Even as a scientist who was familiar with the fallibility of memories, she found it unlikely that she forgot something like this.

But perhaps she had forgotten parts of this particular day for a reason.

“Ooh, thank you,” Neil said to the robot, marveling at the rice cream he received.

“YOU ARE WELCOME. AN ORDER OF RICE CREAM ALSO COMES WITH FREE EMOTIONAL SUPPORT TO BE GIVEN AT YOUR TABLE.”

Eva was becoming more and more disappointed that she didn’t remember this little bot. It was pretty cute. 

Neil walked away with the ice creams, leaving Eva some room to check out the promotional flyer by the counter. 

“All-you-can-eat ice cream, today only!” she read to herself. “Be sure to try our new popsicle flavor: blue raspberry lemonade! Each one comes with a hilarious joke on the stick!”

She earned a memory orb from that.

She resumed following Neil as he took the ice cream orders back to a table near the middle of the shop where Roxie, Rob, and the Eva from that day sat. They happily thanked Neil for bringing their treats to the table and eagerly took their bowls from the tray. 

As they all started talking, Eva fondly looked at them enjoying themselves. She moved over to the Eva in the memory so she could look at the table from the angle she was at when she was there. It seemed the most natural.

“I don’t care what y’all say, funfetti is the best flavor! It’s a birthday cake that comes in a carton. What more could you want from a scoop of ice cream?!” Roxie argued.

“What are you, five?” Neil sarcastically remarked.

“Says the guy who got a popsicle ‘cause it had a pun on the stick,” she shot back. 

“…That’s not the same thing.”

“Oh it SO is!!” she shouted.

“She’s got a point, Neil,” Rob said. 

Neil grumbled at that. “Rob, you’re not helping….” 

“I’m just saying! The best flavors are the ones that kids go bananas over,” Roxie insisted. “They all got cookies and candy and chocolate fudge — they’re just better! All the ones marketed to adults are like, ‘Ohhh, this ice cream is infused with a lavender rosé! And this one is just boring vanilla and nothing else! But trust us, it’s a special vanilla! And this one is literally just vegetables!’”

“I think some of those could be good if done right,” Rob pointed out.

“Rob, I thought you’d be on my side!”

Rob threw his hands up. “I’m just saying it’s possible.”

“Well we have a vegetable expert here,” Neil reminded everyone. “Soooo…hey Eva! If you had to pick a vegetable to turn into ice cream, what would you choose?”

Neil’s expression had a warmth to it when addressing her. Eva remembered trying her hardest not to look so awkward when she noticed it.

“Hmm…cucumber?” Eva answered.

“That does sound refreshing,” Rob commented.

“Wait, didn’t you tell me once that cucumbers are technically a fruit?” Neil remembered.

Eva sighed. “I thought I could sneak that one past you….”

They continued to smile and laugh with each other, as they often did when spending time with each other. Everyone’s joy was infectious. It certainly had an effect on Neil — he chatted with everyone like it didn’t take effort to coax him out of his apartment to come with them. But it didn’t matter that it took him some convincing. He was here and clearly happy. 

After a certain point, all four of them were all wordlessly concentrating on finishing the last of their ice cream. Eventually though, Roxie looked over at Neil and remembered something.

“Hey, what’s the joke on your popsicle stick say?”

“Oh! Right,” Neil cleared his throat and read the joke aloud. “‘Why did the doctor finally retire? Because he rain out of patients!’”

Everyone around the table gave the cheesy pun a polite but mildly annoyed chuckle.

“Heh, well now that my doc’s gonna have one less patient to deal with, maybe he’ll get closer to retirement,” Neil offhandedly joked.

The whole table froze. Neil’s expression turned horrified. He knew what he just did.  

Rob eventually got the courage to speak up first. “What do you mean, Neil?”

A bunch of nervous stutters start spilling from Neil as the table anxiously bored their eyes into him while waiting for an answer. He nervously fidgeted with a keychain attached to his house keys.

Eva looked over at her own expression — absolutely stunned, fear radiating from her eyes as she braced herself for the worst. She was surprised she maintained any composure during that moment. At that moment, all she wanted was to run back home. 

“NEIL!! ” Roxie desperately shouted at him for an answer. Rob put his hand on her shoulder to tell her to calm down. 

“OKAY! ” Neil snapped. He paused. He took a deep breath. This time he was a bit calmer. “Okay…I…I’m sorry. I’m the one who brought this up. I’m sorry. I know this isn’t the best way to say this, but…I got some bad news, guys.”

As he silently gathered his thoughts, Eva looked around the table. Roxie’s eyes were lined with tears that made her look all the more terrified. Concern washed over Rob’s face. 

Suddenly, Eva noticed the bot at the counter roll up next to her at the table. 

“RICEBOT IS HERE FOR EMOTIONAL SUPPORT. YOU ARE LOVED.”

Maybe it was because she felt everything around her crashing down at that moment, but she didn’t remember the robot ever approaching her. Truthfully, the rest of the world might as well have been static in her peripherals. She probably filtered out more than she thought. But something still felt off about it. Something felt off about this whole memory. 

But the scene had ended. Everyone was paused. Though Eva wished she could have more material to investigate with, she was thankful she didn’t have to hear Neil’s news twice. 

She looked over at the keychain Neil was holding. Upon interacting with it, the barrier around it zapped her hand away. This was it. 

She shot the memory orbs at it. All her attention was focused on them. She just couldn’t look at everyone around her again. Once she prepared it, she left as soon as she could. 

The white light she entered turned into a smooth gradient of dark blues. White squares with code on them orbited the area around her. The space had no floor, no walls, nothing that made it seem like it was anything from this reality. She didn’t even see the memento that supposedly sent her here.

In the center of it all was Neil. His back was turned to Eva and all his attention was focused on the screens above him. His lab coat fluttered around him, floating in the open air. Perhaps it was a quirk in Neil’s machine, but Eva didn’t have that floating effect on herself. 

She was the only one not to. Besides Neil, there was another being floating off to the side. A familiar one, too. 

Why was she here? How was she here?

“You’ve been here a lot lately,” the other said to Neil as she twirled her hair.

“As usual.”

“Much more than usual.”

Eva could see Neil’s head lowering from where she was. “…We don’t have much time left.”

Dread crept up inside Eva upon hearing the weariness in his voice, knowing just how low on time he was at the current moment. She watched as the other woman flapped her wings and paced around the void.

“I just have to run a few more tests, a few more simulations,” Neil emphasized. “It’s important that this machine functions how I want it to.”

That made the winged woman — Faye, Eva believed her name was — slow down and eventually stop in her tracks. She was in front of Eva now, facing her, but looking down in deep thought with her hand placed under her chin. Many moments of silence followed. Eventually she met Eva’s gaze.

“It’s for her, isn’t it?”

She didn’t turn back to look at Neil. She continued to gaze into the void behind her, with an intensity in her eyes, as if she truly was keeping an eye on something. 

As if her eyes were fixed onto Eva’s. As if that “for her” was indeed for her.

Eva frantically checked her settings and verified that she wasn’t visible to anyone. Though that did stave off some of her fear, she was still shaken by what Faye could have meant. 

Neil continued to monitor his progress on whatever he was working on. He didn’t say anything for a bit. This place was full of uncomfortable silences.

“You catch on pretty quickly for an AI,” he eventually remarked. 

“My whole function is to learn and execute.”

More silence followed. Eva started to think she’d never get out of here. Maybe it was a real possibility. After all, she seemed to have lost that memento while traveling here. That type of thing never happened before in all her years at Sigmund. 

Her thoughts swam with confusion, anxiety, and an escape plan or two. She only snapped out of her thoughts when Faye spoke again.

“Do you think she’ll jump at the opportunity?”

Once again, Neil hesitated to answer. 

“I…I hope so?” he said with an uncertainty in his voice. “It’s…for the both of us. I just hope she’ll see that.”

Still looking in Eva’s direction, she told Neil, “Oh, she will.”

Faye finally turned away from her. Just as Eva was feeling more at ease to listen in on whatever they were talking about, the white light started to cloud her vision again. She tried to focus on what they were saying, but it was no use. She was moving to the next memory.

A small kitchen came into view. Soft sunlight trickled in from the windows through the linens that partially draped over them, brightening the light blue walls around the otherwise standard white counters and appliances. By one of the windows was a cat curled up in a bed on a small table that seemed to be placed there just so it could soak up the sun rays. 

Eva moved closer to the cat, unable to deny how adorable it was. It slept there, the gray stripes on its fur moving up and down with its breathing, and a little snore escaping from its mouth. This little thing didn’t have a care in the world. 

Eva also noticed how long it was. Were cats usually this long? The way it curled up in the cat bed was more reminiscent of a cinnamon roll than any other cat she’s seen. Nonetheless, it was a cute cinnamon roll. She gave it a quick pet before proceeding. 

Making her way through the kitchen, Eva noticed a photo on the fridge. It was safely encased in a magnetic frame. The frame itself looked a bit old, with some of the color chipping off of it around the edges. The photo itself showed a young boy flashing a toothy smile and waving his hands at the camera, a man laughing while trying to hold the child still, and a woman seated in a wheelchair next to them. 

I remember seeing this photo on the fridge a long time ago, Eva thought to herself. It’s a pretty perfect snapshot of the family. I just hope…

She looked over at the table in the middle of the room. Seated there were Neil and his father, Quincy Reynard.

…I just hope he can still look at it after today.

She earned a memory orb from it.

After that, she glanced at the counter. A binder was opened to a page for a recipe.

“Perfect Avocado Salad,” Eva read. Apparently the secret is to use Persian cucumbers…I’ll have to make note of that.

She earned a memory orb from it.

Her attention once again turned to the table where the two men were sitting. 

It had been so long since she’d seen Quincy. Since then, his hair grayed significantly and he was definitely beginning to show his age with the wrinkles on his face. But despite everything, there was still joy to be found in his expression. Eva always remembered how funny and cheerful he was. She was glad his demeanor hadn’t totally changed.

Here, he and Neil seemed to be talking over some coffee. It was a simple visit, but there was a gentle spark in Quincy’s eyes over his son’s presence. Eva looked at the cups of coffee they both had. 

“Where’d you get the coffee from?,” Neil asked. 

“It’s Italian,” Quincy said with pride. “When your mom and I took a trip there, I got to try the coffee there. And I thought it was just incredible. So I keep some for guests.”

“Yeah, it’s incredible alright. I definitely taste the difference….” Neil agreed half-heartedly.

“…”

“…”

“Son, I’m gonna be completely honest, I don’t know how to tell the difference between good and bad coffee. Everyone just tells me the Italian stuff is good and I listen to them. But normally I just get the instant stuff.”

“Okay, yeah, I couldn’t tell you the difference either,” Neil admitted in relief. “I just use the instant stuff, too.”

“Tell me, why does everyone hate it? It’s fine!”

“Right?!”

Eva earned a memory orb from that exchange. 

It seemed like a normal, pleasant visit between father and son. But she knew this wasn’t in Neil’s memories because of the coffee. There was a reason it held significant space in his memories. It was time to hear what they were talking about. 

“I’m surprised you still have that thing,” Quincy commented while pointing to the keychain on Neil’s key ring. It was of a cartoon dog from a popular kid’s show back in the day. 

Neil twirled the chain it was on around his finger. “Oh, yeah, well I have good memories of that show. And it was a present from my dearest dad of course,” he said rather cheekily. 

Quincy managed to let out a little laugh, though what cheeriness he expressed didn’t last for very long. “Yet you didn’t wanna visit the guy who gave it to you?”

Neil unraveled the keychain from his finger. He stared down at his almost empty cup of coffee. “I’m sorry, dad. I don’t know why I didn’t visit more. It’s just —”

“I think you do know why,” Quincy interrupted. His tone was terse, which Neil seemed to catch onto judging by the budding unease in his expression. Likely realizing this, Quincy put the conversation topic aside. “I’m sorry. I just wish you would have come by more often, since, well…”

…we might not be able to do this for much longer. Eva figured that’s probably what he wanted to say.

Neil probably figured that, too. And he didn’t seem to want his father to finish that sentence. “I know.”

Quincy shuffled in his seat, looking a bit uncomfortable with how the exchange was going. He exhaled. He probably figured that groveling about how little Neil visited wasn’t going to make him want to stay for the afternoon. 

Eva noticed a longing in his eyes to keep Neil in front of him as much as he could for the day. They glinted with years of yearning for any kind of contact.

“Well…I’m glad you’re here, son.”

Neil looked up from his cup. He shot Quincy a slight smile. “Yeah…me too.”

Quincy smiled back. A few seconds passed before he got up from his seat to fetch the coffee pot. He refilled Neil’s cup. Neil silently thanked him with a nod and smile.

“…How’s everyone taking it?” he asked as he placed the pot back on the coffee maker. 

“I, um…haven’t told anyone yet,” Neil admitted. “The appointment wasn’t even a week ago. You’re kinda the first to know, believe it or not.”

Quincy slowly sat back down. “I…I see….” He seemed rather baffled by that admission. “I guess you’ll be telling your friends next?” 

Neil took a sip of coffee. “I guess so.”

“Well, you see them all day at work. Seems like it’s bound to come up sooner or later. I mean, I’d assume you’ve been spending time with them outside of work, right?”

“…Sorta.”

“What do you mean by ‘sorta’?”

Neil didn’t answer.

Quincy tried a different angle. “Not even Eva?”

Eva felt a jolt of anxiety upon hearing her name. Just what she needed — the nightmare of finding out what people say about her behind her back. 

Neil’s attention was certainly grabbed by that statement, though definitely with a tinge of sadness surrounding him. He didn’t say a word.

“I remember how you felt about her,” Quincy told him.

Eva winced with that statement. Even if she knew it in her heart, it still felt different hearing it like that.

“What do you mean —”

“I’m not an idiot, son,” he retorted. “And she’s definitely not an idiot.”

Neil couldn’t refute that. Eva was too upset to even be glad that he couldn’t. 

“What does it matter, though?” he said dejectedly.

“It matters because if you still feel like that about her — and I have a feeling you do — she probably knows.”

And Eva certainly couldn’t refute that .

“It’s just…then…” — Neil looked visibly more tense — “…why’s she been so distant?”

…Or that.

The shame she felt over her distance was omnipresent. And it kept piling onto her with every day she didn’t see him. The weight of it all rendered her immobile to even attempt to reach out to him. She knew how pathetic it was, how important it was for her to keep him company during his final days. But she couldn’t do it. She just couldn’t look at him knowing all that regret would be staring at her in the face when she finally did show up.

“I hope nothing happened between you two?”

Neil stayed silent.

Eva almost wished something did. At least then the distance would be easier to explain.

Quincy leaned forward with a perplexed look. “Well…you said she doesn’t know about your health, right?”

“Well…”

Quincy’s expression switched to confusion. “I thought you said you didn’t tell anyone yet?”

“Not about the recent appointment, no! But she…she does know about my condition…in general.”

“Oh, well then,” Quincy said with relief, “at least you told her that much. It’s good to be open about this kind of —”

“I wasn’t the one who told her,” Neil admitted. “Roxie found out and spilled the beans.”

Quincy sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose with his fingers. “Neil….”

“I know, I know!” Neil buried his face in his hands, pushing his glasses up to his forehead and groaning in frustration. 

“I guess just can’t blame her if she’s mad about that, is all,” Quincy calmly clarified. 

Neil removed his hands from his face and adjusted his glasses. He looked visibly more upset. “I don’t think she’s mad.”

“Then I can’t tell you what’s holding her back.”

“From what?”

Quincy gave him a knowing look. 

Neil understood it perfectly well. “Look, she…she’s probably been busy —”

“Uh huh.” Quincy’s tone suggested he didn’t believe that.

“Well, even if not, she prefers to keep her personal and professional life separate. She’s said it a million times!”

“Sure.”

“Y’know, I could just be reading into this too much, too!”

“I just can’t believe that, son.”

“And why not? ”

“Because,” Quincy began. His voice immediately sounded more solemn. “I remember a few things about her. I remember the joy in her eyes whenever she visited you. I remember how you spoke to each other, as if you two developed an unspoken language. I remember the lengths she went to so you could work at Sigmund.”

It was hard to read Neil’s expression. He was probably reminiscing about those times. There was no doubt he thought of them fondly. But there was something else he was unwilling to express.

Quincy closed his eyes tightly. “And it all just reminds me of your mom and I.” He looked out the window. “I remember how she looked at me. How she spoke to me like it didn’t matter who understood us. And heaven knows I wasn’t perfect…but there was so much I wanted to do for her. I wish I still could.”

Eva tried her hardest to suppress the lump in her throat upon hearing that. Quincy’s strained expression suggested he was also trying to suppress something within him — a pain that threatened to erupt and swallow him whole. She imagined he’d been doing that for years.

“I just can’t imagine her doing all this and not feeling the same as I did about your mom. So I don’t know why she hasn’t —”

“Well maybe it’s because I’m a time bomb! You ever think of that?!” Neil snapped.

Quincy was visibly startled. Something about that shook him to his core.

Neil buried his face in his arms that were folded on the table. His muffled, shaken voice managed to emerge from the sleeves of his shirt. “So what if she feels the same way? She’s probably too scared. I can’t even blame her.”

Quincy apprehensively squeaked out his response. “I was afraid you’d say…something like that.” 

He reached for Neil’s hand. Surprisingly, Neil let him delicately unwedge it from under his arm. Even after all that, it seemed he wasn’t in a state to refuse comfort.

“Take it from my experience. If she really cares about you, she’ll tell you her feelings. She’ll stick by you,” Quincy reassured him. He held his hand a little tighter. “It’ll be okay.”

The conversation ended. The two men were paused.

Eva collected two memory orbs from that.

She frantically searched for the memento. 

A barrier appeared around an object. It didn’t look like much. But she didn’t care. She rapidly shot memory orbs at it.

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

She stopped herself. She looked over at the now frozen Neil. Quincy’s words swirled in her head. Despite every cell in her body trembling and screaming at her to shoot the last memory orb at the barrier, she made her way over to Neil. 

She felt pathetic. All this anxiety to say something to a frozen copy of him, let alone one whose face wasn’t even visible. There was no way for her mind to twist his expression as an interpretation of anything. This should be easy. But it felt just as bad as if he could respond to her. 

This was her punishment. For failing to face him in the real world. For cowardly running away from him when he needed all the companionship he could get. Hell, she couldn’t even get herself to say this to his most recent copy. This was the best she could do in the end.

How awful.

Planting her hands on the table, just off to the side of him, she took a deep breath. Inhale. Exhale. She wasn’t sure if it helped. But it didn’t matter.

“Neil…I’m sorry. I’m about to tell you something I’ve known for a long time. Ever since we met when we were young. Even though everything was so confusing — and still is, honestly — there’s something that I never had any doubts about. It was true then, and it’s true now. And I…”

Struggling to prevent the dam of tears from bursting from her, her eyes sealed themselves shut. She silently cursed at herself for having a hard time with this, and for her voice sounding as shaky as it was.

“…I couldn’t find a way to say it — to you, and to myself. I didn’t want to complicate things. But I’ll say it now…Neil…”

She inched closer to him and knelt down to get at his eye level. She put her hand on his arm, trying her best to simulate eye contact as close as she could by peering through the gap between his head and his arm.

“…I’m not in love with you.”

Even his hidden face stung enough for her to reflexively turn her head away from him.

“I don’t know why. It just never happened. I’m so sorry for that.”

All throughout her life, the expectation of budding romance followed her. It poisoned many of her relationships. But the most insidious of all was how it affected her relationship with him. And it became a looming presence despite how close she’d gotten to him — or, because of how close she’d gotten to him. It got to a point where she feared any niceties from him being perceived as romantic. She felt like a monster for accepting them back. And felt like a monster whenever she distanced herself out of caution. Her anxieties compounded when she realized she wouldn’t be able to give a terminally ill man what he truly wanted in real life.

But she couldn’t dwell on these feelings — especially not when she still hadn’t exhausted all options to make him happy.

She stood up. She shot the memento with the last memory orb. She looked at Neil one last time. 

“I’m going to make it up to you. I promise.”

Once she prepared the memento, she left this memory behind.

It barely registered what the memento even was. The first thing Eva saw was a beautiful orange sky that wrapped around the spectacular view in front of her. In the distance was an area dotted with all sorts of greenery with a tall, gray building nestled in the middle of it all. She could sense that spirits were high in this memory, and it wasn’t a mystery as to why.

The people around her were eagerly waiting to see the rocket in the distance fly up into the sky. 

Of course, she remembered this moment. She and Neil had succeeded at fulfilling their client’s wish that day. After a long night, several revelations, and a risky maneuver, they were about to witness the fruits of their labor atop the bridge. 

And today, Eva was about to witness it again. Just a bit differently.

She took no time to rest, not even with the view in front of her practically begging her to stop and stare at it, nor to ponder how strange it felt to be in a memory of a memory. Neil strolled past the onlookers. He only took time to stop and listen to their remarks about the launch. But she knew he was heading toward a certain section of the bridge. Eva marched with determination to reach it first.

In the many jobs she’s completed as a memory scientist at Sigmund, she’s had to find ways to influence the client’s copy to fulfill an ambition that they were previously unable to. That way, the copy of that person will work tirelessly to achieve that goal in the memory, uninhibited by the fickleness of human desire. But here, it was a bit different. It wouldn’t make sense to try to influence Neil’s copy. Neil didn’t need to be influenced. He knew what he wanted. He was ready.

Eva had her sights set on someone else. 

She quickened her pace as Neil spied on the last of the conversations on the bridge. This was her mission to complete. She always sought the relief of a job well done. In her eyes, that was one where she could be responsible for the smile on a patient’s face right before they passed away. She became a memory scientist to change lives. And no matter how many times her job has tested her, no matter how many tomatoes people throw at Sigmund’s windows, no matter how many times she’s had the value of her work questioned, no matter how many times she’s questioned the value of her work, she snuffed out any doubts by reassuring herself that she was helping people. And she was about to do it once again.

She and Neil reached that one section of the bridge. Several feet above the both of them stood…herself. Eva had to time this interaction right. She impatiently listened to their dialogue until the opportunity presented itself in front of her. As an invitation to watch the launch with her, the Eva from this memory kneeled down and extended her hand — the one that would have swatted Neil’s away when he got too close to her.

But that wouldn’t happen this time. 

She paused the scene. This time, Eva would accept that advance. He’ll finally feel the delight of reciprocated feelings in front of that gorgeous sunset, the warmth from it wrapping around the both of them as they’ll lean on each other while watching another dream come true. It would be like a romantic scene out of a movie. And better yet, they’ll live out the rest of the memory together, just like how he wanted. She would create something beautiful for him. 

The garden he wanted. The one she killed at first. 

Eva positioned herself. Now it didn’t matter what she truly felt about him. Her actions in the real world didn’t matter either. 

She selected the Eva in front of her.

Neil did once tell her she was good at erasing people. That remark followed her for a long time. Though it might have been seen as an unsavory method, it seemed to be the only way out now. But she didn’t just need to do that. Once she did that, what she really needed to do…

“Eva!”

…was replace herself.

“Eva, wait! ”

That voice shocked her out of completing that action. She was so certain she had everyone paused. She turned around in a panic to see one Neil paused in place.

And another running right toward her.

“Neil! W-What are you doing here?”

Once he reached her, he hunched over, clearly out of breath despite running what she thought was a short distance. His gasps for air becoming fewer, he was finally able to produce some audible words.

“Come back…with me…to the…the most recent memory.”

Eva turned around to face her copy again. “I’m almost done. I’ll be there with you in a minute.”

Neil grabbed her shoulder to turn her back around. “Stop.”

Eva froze. Disbelief rattled in her head. “What? ”

“You…you don’t need to do this,” he managed to huff out between breaths. “Please…stop….”

She slowly processed what he was asking of her. Closing her eyes, she gathered her thoughts for her explanation. “Neil, it’s fine. This isn’t real. I just need to step in and take my place, and we’ll be done here. It’s not affecting me in the real world, and you out of all people should know this —”

“Please come with me,” he interrupted.

“I can do this, Neil! It’s quite simple, once this version of me is out of the picture —”

“I’m asking you as your client,” he said sternly. “Come back with me.”

“Just give me a minute! ” Eva shouted. “We don’t have much time!”

Before she could even fully turn around, Neil swiftly grabbed her arm. “I’m not gonna do that!”

Eva tried to pull her arm out of his grip with all her strength, but he wouldn’t let go. “Hey! Quit it, Neil! What are you even —”

“I’m asking you to come back with me.”

“No! ”

They continued to struggle. Neil kept his grip on her. “Then all I have to say is…thanks for the emergency override.”

Eva boiled with anger once she realized what he was about to do. “ You son of a —”

The white flash of light interrupted her. They both materialized into view along with Neil’s sad, stupid apartment. What a far cry from the scene at the bridge.

“Whew,” Neil said as his breathing steadied, “you weren’t kidding about the energy a copy would have to exert.”

Eva seethed. She had gone through this mental turmoil from traversing his memories, or even being here in the first place, and she was being brought back to square one. She could barely restrain the fury dripping from her voice once she heard that flippant comment.

“I had it. ”

Neil was finally reminded of the situation he was in. “Listen, Eva —” He was clearly trying to rein her temper in, but it wasn’t working.

“I had it, Neil!” she yelled. “I knew how to fulfill your wish! I was right there, it was all about to be over! And you stopped me!”

“Because —”

“You had the gall to get in the way of it all — during the most important assignment of my life no less. ”

“Well I, uh, uh, changed my mind! I realized after all this time, I just wanted a puppy as a kid! Yeah! We never got one and I was always sooo disappointed —”

“Do not lie to me. After you went through all the trouble to create all of this with me in mind? For us to be together? I saw what you said. ‘It’s for the both of us,’ huh?” 

Neil’s eyes widened.

“Your dad was right,” she continued. “I’m not an idiot, Neil. After all this time, after all those looks you’ve given me, after how you’ve acted around me, you think I couldn’t figure out what you meant by that?”

“You saw that?”

Eva huffed in frustration over his surprise. “YES!”

“She…” — Eva could see the puzzle of the situation pieced itself together in the reflection of his eyes — “…she must have shown her…”

Wasting no time, Eva moved past that statement, no matter how mysterious it was. “So what is it then? Why did you stop me? ”

Neil stayed silent.

“Well?!” Eva shouted back at him.

“…I heard you, Eva,” he admitted. He spoke much softer this time. “We don’t…feel the same way about each other, do we?”

“So?!” 

Neil stared blankly at her. “Huh?”

“It would have only been a minute of my time. Then the algorithm would have done the rest! I wouldn’t have to think about it in real life! With that minute of time, I could have done so much for you — the one thing I was never able to give you. I could have made my time with you all that much worthwhile. I could have helped!”

Neil stood still.

“Because dammit Neil, in case you’ve forgotten , that’s what we do! That’s what Sigmund does!” The pitch of Eva’s voice heightened as her emotions and tears were spilling out of her faster than her words. “We, we help people…”

She really couldn’t contain herself now. Under the weight of all her gestures of goodwill being met with contempt, and now being flat-out refused, it was too much. She was gasping for breath between sobs. Her voice wavered.

“I help people. ”

Maybe it was because she was exhausted from everything, but she didn’t put up a fight when Neil pulled her into an embrace. She buried her face into his shoulder. Neither of them said a word.

Suddenly Eva heard a familiar sound — one that signified a change of scenery in the machine. She lifted her head from Neil’s shoulder, which was now stained with her tears. They were surrounded by lavender.

“Eva…you’ve helped me a lot, actually.” 

She switched her attention to him.

“I wanted to believe that you felt the same about me. I really thought it was true. I wanted it to be. And I guess I hoped you’d come in here and give yourself the ending you always wanted — or the ending I thought you wanted. But it looks like I thought wrong.”

Eva believed him. And she knew her own feelings got in the way of preventing this mess as well. “I should have told you earlier. I thought I could just wait until now to fix it all —”

“I know, I know,” he said in an attempt to soothe her. “But when I saw what you were about to do…I realized I didn’t want to remember you like that. Because that wouldn’t be you. And now I know — on my deathbed of all places…which is super pathetic, I know — I’m thankful for you being in my life. As you have been.”

Eva wiped the last few tears that she allowed to escape from her eyes. 

“So…let’s just stay here,” he suggested. “Just until I have to go. I…I want to have this memory with you.”

Eva nodded. “I’d like that.”

Pressure from within her evaporated, leaving a lightness in her soul that hadn’t been present in years. Perhaps she was internally begging to not have to do this task the whole time, no matter how much she wanted to help. To know it’s over, and to know that acceptance like this was truly possible, felt like the greatest relief.

“So…not even my extreme manliness and good looks were enough to make you fall in love with me huh?” Neil joked. 

Eva rolled her eyes. Neil laughed at it, and Eva couldn’t help but smile over it. 

“It’s not just you, Neil. I’ve never felt that way about anyone,” she explained. 

“You’re gonna have to explain what that’s even like. Apparently, I’ve been a hopeless romantic all my life. But first…”

In an instant, he conjured up a picnic blanket in a space that parted the lavender, complete with a picnic basket, a cooler, and an assortment of foods that scattered around the blanket on top of platters. Approaching them in the distance was that robot from the ice cream place, accompanied by a trail of steam from whatever was inside it.

“WOULD YOU LIKE RICE?” it asked Eva as it opened to reveal just that — a hot serving of rice.

Eva was impressed. And quite delighted to see the cute little bot back here again. “How much work went into configuring this thing anyway?”

“Oh, a lot. I, uh, put in the picnic for when we would confess our love for each other. So that did have an actual purpose. But I mostly put in a bunch of silly features to keep myself from going insane.” 

Eva smirked at that. “So that’s why we had the ability to don those oil baron beards?”

“Heh…you know it. Oh, and that reminds me! Check your socks.”

Eva lifted up her pant leg. She was now wearing pastel green socks with little cucumbers dancing around them — some of them wearing sunglasses.

“You like them? I designed them myself. I added sunglasses to some of them to show that they’re…” — he shot some finger guns her way — “… cool as cucumbers .”

The world’s weariest sigh escaped Eva. “You’re so impossibly lame.”

“I know!” Neil said with an overly chipper smile. “And I also know you wouldn’t have it any other way, huh?”

He said that so frivolously. Eva knew that he was expecting her to dismiss that statement, but especially in this moment, she felt it so sincerely. She smiled at him. “You’re right. I wouldn’t.”

Neil stayed in place, clearly stunned by her agreement. But eventually he smiled back at her.

“Come on,” Eva gestured for him to sit by her, “let’s chat while we can.”

So they sat down and chatted for a bit, taking some time to nibble on the various treats that Neil “made” for them, including that incredible rice the robot made. It was pretty impressive what he was able to put into the coding.

She eventually told him about all the blunders she’s made romantically throughout her life, all the obvious flirtations from others she pretended to be oblivious to, all the romantic feelings she heard about that she swore must have been jokes. But she also told him how she slowly started to accept that maybe romance wasn’t for her — and how she hoped to one day be fully okay with that.

More than anything, there was something healing about sitting with Neil here. The area certainly had a soothing effect with the gentle breeze running through her hair and the waves of lavender swaying with it. But it was also the best she’s felt talking to him in ages. It was the first time in a while that was absent from the discomfort she felt from his nice gestures, the disappointment on his face when she didn’t return the small affections he gave her, and all the intense worrying over ruining their relationship. She was able to simply enjoy his company now.

Time passed. Eva didn’t know for how long. It barely mattered to her. 

But eventually, the place shook. A flash of red overtook the area.

She couldn’t stay here much longer.

“Neil…”

“I know. You have to go.”

He didn’t look frightened. He didn’t look upset. His expression was that of acceptance. Even as the world he built was falling apart around him.

“Thanks for spending time with me, Eva. It means a lot to me.”

“Of course,” Eva said rather quietly. She tried to hide her sadness as much as possible, just one last time.

Just before she was about to leave, Neil caught her attention. He was smiling. “Hey, Eva?”

“Yes…?”

“I know when we’ve done these assignments, we’d walk away understanding the patient a little more. And I hoped that would be the case with me…that you’d see some of the world through my eyes. But…I think I got to see the world through your eyes, too. Just a little bit. And that feels…nice.”

Eva smiled back at him. “I’ll miss you, Neil. I’m glad we got to do this.”

They waved goodbye to each other.

And just like that, he disappeared from her vision.

…

Eva sat next to him. She held his hand. The doctor was able to stabilize Neil for a bit. But he warned her that it wouldn’t last long. 

So all she could do was wait.

It felt long. As far as Eva was concerned, it was just her, him, the beeps in the background, and the concept of time. But at least throughout the waiting, she could carry the thought that she made a memory that both of them will carry with them until they die — with that moment coming much quicker for Neil.

She squeezed his hand tighter. 

And she held on.

Until the final beep of the monitor rang out through his bedroom.

And that’s when Eva saw it. It was the moment she frequently cited as having made the trek through a patient’s memories worth it: the smile on the patient’s face just before he passed.