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Jean had been awake for quite some time. Even after months, he still had trouble shaking the Raven schedule. If nightmares didn’t wake him, his body would. It was rare to get more than a few hours of uninterrupted sleep. He was listening to his friends though, trying to enjoy things. So on the mornings when he awoke before the sun, he tried to sleep again. And if he couldn’t, he listened to the world slowly wake up around him. He was starting to realize he loved the birds, they were always so happy and chattering amongst themselves. They reminded him of the people he had found himself surrounded by.
This all was not without struggle, of course. A voice in his head still told him to get up. He needed to train. He was here to play exy, that was his purpose. It still was true, as much as he hated it. There was no escaping it, he was still property. But, he was learning he could be other things as well.
He was lying in bed still when Jeremy’s phone rang. He listened to his partner wake up and take the phone call, trying to be as quiet as possible. Jeremy stayed most nights now, not wanting to leave Jean alone. He didn’t have the courage to voice it, but Jean appreciated it. He knew Jeremy preferred it as well, although he still never talked about his obvious issues at his parent’s house. Jean didn’t ask.
He looked over at Jeremy, it was obvious he was on the phone with one of their coaches. Jeremy noticed Jean and smiled. Quickly he was off the phone, still grinning. The grin was unsettling to Jean, it worried him. Jeremy Knox was always smiling, but this was his 'I am up to something' smile.
“Go back to bed, Jean. No practice or classes today. I have to go tell Cat and Laila, we need to get ready,” Jeremy rambled quickly. He sprung out of the bed and stumbled out of the room. He heard banging on the girls’ room door, Excited chatter, and then screams of excitement. Jean let out a loud and dramatic sigh.
Jean grumbled to himself in French, something about “these aggravating imbeciles.” He of course didn’t mean any of it. Jean got out of bed, sliding on his slippers.
Jeremy was making coffee. Cat was delegating tasks to Laila as she gathered ingredients in the kitchen. Jean just watched them, confounded. He stood there in the living room, waiting for someone to explain.
Once the coffee was brewing, Jeremy pulled out a seat at the kitchen island and gestured for Jean to join him. Jean obeyed without thought.
“When is the last time you had a snow day?” Jeremy asked with excitement.
Jean looked at him in confusion. He did not know what a ‘snow day’ was. And even so, they were in California. It had been scorching hot yesterday. His confusion must have been evident on his face as Cat let out a wounded sound.
“You’ve never had one, Jean?” Laila asked. Cat grumbled something under her breath about what she’d do to ‘that cult’, clearly meaning the Ravens.
Jeremy didn’t ask Jean to elaborate, launching into an explanation of what a snow day was. “… And obviously we don’t get snow here. I’ve never seen it actually. But sometimes there are really bad fires and winds. It makes it unsafe to go outside and breathe the air. USC Athletics is really serious about it. So, we have a tradition on days when they cancel. We call them snow days still, though,” Jeremy laughed, looking to Cat and Laila. “These days are my favorite, we haven’t had one in a while.”
The coffee maker interrupted Jeremy’s nostalgia, a beep ringing out to alert it was done. Jeremy jumped up and began getting coffee in mugs for everyone. He was not good in the kitchen, but he made okay coffee and remembered how everyone liked theirs. Jean drank his black, Jeremy with cream and sugar, much to Jean’s horror.
Over coffee, Jeremy tried to describe their tradition to Jean. Basically, they did a “movie marathon” of some of their favorite movies and then played a game. It did not seem fun in the slightest to Jean. He tried to get Jeremy to take them to the court instead, but he refused. They still had one game left before winter break, and it wouldn’t be an easy one. The team needed all the time on the court they could get. The team was good, of course, and even better with Jean on the roster. There still was room for improvement. It seemed that Cat and Laila were making a feast. They had started on bread and left to make a grocery store run for the rest. This surely wouldn’t help their playing as well.
Eventually, breakfast was done and the movie was set up. Everyone piled onto the couch with their breakfast. The excitement of his friends was endearing, so Jean kept his skepticism to himself. A major improvement since his first arrival in California. He didn’t think he would understand anything about this movie. It seemed ridiculous and a waste of time. But Jean thought maybe he would endure anything to see that smile on Jeremy’s face.
“That creature reminds me of Kevin with exy,” Jean said seriously.
Jeremy started laughing so hard he was wheezing, but still, he tried to get words in between breaths. “You think Kevin Day is Gollum?” Jeremy was wiping tears from his eyes while clutching his side.
“He is much prettier than that creature, but his spirit remains the same.” Jean still had a serious tone and wasn’t quite smiling, but the slight crinkle by his eyes betrayed him. It took Jeremy a long time to compose himself, complaining the whole time about his side hurting.
“Perhaps it would hurt less if you spent more time on the court,” Jean quipped. He couldn’t help himself.
“I don’t think that’s how it works,” Laila responded.
“Yeah, one day we will get you to laugh that hard, then you’ll see,” Cat added.
Jean rolled his eyes, putting his attention back on the movie. It did not take long for Jean’s friends to be angry with him. It was all good-natured, he hoped.
“I can’t believe you hate the hobbits!” Jeremy said with horror.
“They are tiny and gluttonous and have nasty feet. There is nothing to like,” Jean responded with attitude.
“You will regret that. They are the best,” Laila admonished, looking up from her laptop. Laila and Cat were folded against each other on one couch, Jean and Jeremy on the other. Laila looked at Cat with surprise, “Oh my god, those two are Sam and Frodo.”
Cat shook her head aggressively, “You are so right, babe.” She fixed her attention on the boys, “Jeremy is so Samwise. Aw, look at him, he’s blushing!” Cat laughed in amusement.
Jean didn’t quite understand, but he could only assume it was an insult, being compared to those small horrible creatures. “If you continue this nonsense, I will walk out into the smoke and pray my lungs fail.” His friends shot their customer ‘Jean said something concerning again’ look, but they stopped. He still considered it a win.
About an hour into the movie, Cat excused herself to the kitchen. She came out with heaping plates of more food. Jean looked upon her with concern. “What is this? We already ate.”
“Second Breakfast!” Jeremy announced, before piling pancakes onto his plate. He poured a generous amount of syrup on top of them.
“I fear for your arteries,” Jean dryly commented. Jeremy responded with a smile before jamming a giant bite of pancake into his mouth.
Cat returned with a bowl of fresh fruit, placing it in front of Jean. “Vous êtes tous des cochons,” Jean grumbled to himself, although he did help himself to the fruit.
The horror continued when Elevensies was served an hour later. This consisted of a tea selection paired with an assortment of pastries. Over the food, they debated the Fellowship. Jean was still adamant in his refusal that he was a hobbit. Jeremy gave the opinion that Jean had the attitude of Legolas, to which the other agreed. Jean seemed satisfied at this, as he was the only one with sense. Jean also added that Jeremy was Aragorn, which once again had Jeremy blushing.
“Oh you’ve got him now, Jean,” Laila laughed. “He’s obsessed with Aragorn. I’m surprised he doesn’t have any posters in your room with hearts drawn on it.”
Jeremy’s blush deepened, and Jean raised an eyebrow at him and then the girls. “I can hardly blame him, he is attractive.” He turned his attention back to Jeremy. “You should start using a sword, it would suit you.” He left Jeremy gasping like a fish out of water, attention once again focused on the screen.
“I still think you two are Sam and Frodo. Me and Laila are Merry and Pippin,” Cat said. “Except not cousins!” She added quickly, realizing her mistake.
“The small bearded man—” Jean said thoughtfully, “that is Neil Josten. They look the same.” Jean said this like it was an indisputable fact. Jeremy choked on his pastry, and Laila spit out her tea. Cat was in tears through her laughter.
“Jean, just be quiet and watch the movie, or you’re going to kill my girlfriend,” Laila scolded unseriously.
Jean rolled his eyes and did as he was told. He felt warm, and not just from the tea. It was hard to accept these moments of peace and friendship, to think he was deserving of them. He took a surveying look around the room. Laila was curled up with her laptop, working on whatever game she had in store, her feet were in Cat’s lap. Cat was as close to Laila as she could be, engrossed in the movie. On the other couch, Jeremy was wrapped up in a blanket, sipping his tea while transfixed by the screen. His feet were tucked under him towards Jean.
He put his drained mug down and grabbed a soft fuzzy blanket off the pile on the floor. They were all still in their pajamas. He felt comfortable, content, and cozy. Jean did not think he had ever felt those things before coming into this home. He pushed aside any negative emotions that tried to surface— that he wasn’t good enough — and let himself feel the warmth. He settled into the couch, long legs hitting Jeremy’s. Jeremy looked over at him with a smile, he couldn’t read the emotion in the other man’s eyes, but it seemed akin to tenderness.
His body felt heavy— his eyes too. He shut them and soon was drifting off to sleep. They let him, knowing he had enough trouble sleeping as it was. There were hushed debates, though, on whether or not to pause the movie. They decided to keep going, if they paused the movie they would never make it through their marathon.
He regained consciousness sometime after the Fellowship leaves Lothlorien and Galadriel. Jean sleepily took in his surroundings, letting out a groan. “It isn’t over yet?”
“Oh Jean,” Cat replied from the kitchen, “It is far from over.”
Jean was filled in and they finished the remainder of the movie without issue. Cat swore she saw Jean shed a tear during Boromir’s death, but he denied it adamantly. Jeremy refused to choose a side, saying he saw nothing. Laila pointed out that it was hard to see through one’s own tears.
“It’s just— the way he keeps going even when he knows he’s going to die. How can you not cry at that?” Jeremy questioned passionately.
“Because there is no choice when you have others to protect,” Jean responded. Why did he keep going in the Nest, death constantly looming? He thought of green eyes and a promise, and a rabid blue-eyed menace.
Degrees of heartbroken glances were shared among Cat, Laila, and Jeremy. Cat took one look at Jean’s face and could tell he was far from here. She came to the rescue like she always did. She got up from her spot, approaching Jean to put a hand on his shoulder. It took a moment, but he looked up at her.
“Come help me finish lunch?” she asked.
It took Jean a moment, but he stood up and quipped back “You have to be joking, how is there more food Catalina.”
She just smiled, grabbing his hand and leading him away. Jeremy and Laila watched them with tenderness.
They ate lunch while watching the next movie. Despite Jean’s initial criticism, he found himself enjoying the movie. The talking and joking continued throughout the next movie, interspersed with Laila’s seemingly random questions to Jean and the group at large. The feast fit for hobbits continues throughout the day, with Cat randomly getting up and disappearing into the kitchen only to appear with more food.
During the Battle of Helm’s Deep, Jean found himself restless as he paced behind the couch. “I do not understand how there can be another movie. It is hopeless,” he sighed, fully invested. He returned to the couch eventually, enraptured at the March of the Ents to destroy Isengard and the tense battle. It felt ridiculous to care about something fake— he hardly had cared about real things before, outside of exy and survival.
Once the movie was finished, the next phase of their tradition was set to begin. Laila set up their table with graph paper and little random trinkets, telling them each to pick one. She dispersed character sheets and dice to all.
Laila and Jeremy had found Dungeons & Dragons their freshman year. They had played a game with people from one of Jeremy’s English classes. It had been occasional, but fun every time schedules aligned. Eventually, things fizzled out. Laila missed the game and decided to take matters into her own hands by learning how to lead it. That was how they arrived here, it was an occasional occurrence with her close friends.
Teaching Cat to play had been an experience, one that greatly tested her patience. She was thankful for that now, hoping that skill would help her teach Jean. It didn’t really matter to her, as long as they had a good time.
She had decided to make something fairly easy, knowing it would be best. She even made all of the character sheets. Jean was to be a Ranger, with no animal companion much to Jeremy’s dismay. Jean had said he would rather die than play with Barkbark. Jeremy had admonished him, telling him not to hurt the dog’s feelings. Now, the cardboard cutout had its own seat at the table. Cat was to play a Barbarian, and Jeremy a Bard.
The one shot was as chaotic as Laila expected. It started with a simple enough quest— a royal coronation that drew people from all walks of life was interrupted when the crown was stolen. The heroes were called on to retrieve the crown. Laila was proud when she didn’t even have to prompt Jean with his character’s ability to track. With a successful survival check, the party was led to a crypt.
Things fell apart once they had to solve puzzles. Jean refused to take any advice from a “low-grade musician,” as he called Jeremy’s character, and a “bearded child,” referring to Laila’s dwarf. It was comical to see Jean’s temper and stunning ability to insult turned on to their friends (in a manner that was not questioning their exy abilities). It was all good-natured, though. Jeremy was making an attempt to turn every insult into an opportunity to flirt with both Jean and Cat. Jean’s sputtering and deepening blush in response was endearing.
Eventually, Jeremy solved the puzzles. This shifted the dynamics between characters in a surprising and interesting way. Jean’s insults eventually gave way to returned flirting. Cat and Laila shared looks in secret, and they would no doubt gossip about it later. The chemistry between Jeremy and Jean was undeniable, but they tried their best not to meddle. Both of them had hopes and believed the two would work it out, but they could be so clueless it was painful to watch. Regardless, Cat tried to meddle through her character, making pointed comments about the flirting. Laila still shot her a warning look, fearing too much interference would put the boys backward. Cat gave her a pointed look but obliged.
In the next chamber, there was a swarm of goblins to fight. Jeremy improvised insults on the spot for his Vicious Mockery. They were not as good as Jean’s insults, but points had to be awarded for effort. Jean clearly took influence from Legolas in the movie they had watched prior. He was showy and constantly trying to do ridiculous things. Laila had no words when Jean rolled a smug natural 20 to scale the wall of the chamber and perch himself by the ceiling. Catalina took far too much joy in cutting down goblins. This led to a competition between her and Jean on who could kill more, the loser having to do the dishes from their feast. Despite their best efforts, their body counts ended in a tie. Laila decided they both had to do the dishes, ‘a lesson in vanity’ she called it. And they were helpless to argue with the DM.
In the next chamber, the party found the missing crown on a pedestal. There was an orb placed on another pedestal, as well as a Beholder keeping watch. It was tough, but through teamwork, they were able to best the monster. In celebration of their victory, Jeremy snatched up the crown. They were terrified at the look on Laila’s face in response. And to their horror, Laila described a giant red dragon being summoned from the orb. It filled the room they were in, blocking all escape.
Jeremy and Cat had found out the hard way that Laila did not pull punches, and were steadfast in their anguish that the party was to die. Jean was not so easily deterred though, he pointed out that his character spoke Draconic, and asked if he could speak with the dragon. Laila didn’t point out that most dragons are able to speak Common as well, just glad that Jean was so invested. With the assistance of bardic inspiration from Jeremy, Jean was able to strike a bargain with the dragon. They would be permitted to take the crown and leave with their lives if they set the dragon free.
The party kept their word, and they returned the crown to resume the coronation ceremony. Cat pointed out that the dragon they released would most likely burn down the city very soon, much to Jeremy’s horror. Jean insisted that they did what they were told to do, and that was not their problem.
“Well, Jean,” Laila addressed. “What did you think?”
“It was not as painful as I expected,” he responded.
“But it was still painful?” Laila followed up.
“You were there for Jeremy’s insults as well, that can not be called anything but painful,” He responded dryly.
They all burst into laughter, Laila could not recall a day where she laughed more.
Dinner was served while they put on the final movie. Jeremy told Jean it was his favorite of the three, but did not tell him it was over four hours long. What he didn’t know wouldn’t kill him.
After they finished their food, Jean settled into Jeremy’s side. He had gotten better about casual touch, he found that he craved it. It helped that he trusted these three people more than he had trusted anyone before. They were always assuring him that it was okay to want touch, and it didn’t have to mean anything. It also helped that he would sometimes find Jeremy and Laila cuddled together on a couch, napping between classes. It was an example that touch could be strictly platonic. He tried to remind himself that as he curled into the man’s warmth. Jeremy carded his hand through Jean’s hair, and he reminded himself again. He was afraid to admit to himself that he wanted it to mean more. He returned his focus to the movie instead of dwelling on it.
“They are so tiny and awful, why do I care for them?” Jean asked as Pippin threw himself at the feet of Denethor in Gondor.
Cat let out a shriek at Jean’s words and Jeremy held his hand out, gesturing for something. Jean watched as Cat and Laila put $5 into his hand. Jean looked at them in confusion.
“We made a bet while you were asleep. I said that you would come around to the hobbits, and the girls didn’t believe me,” Jeremy shrugged. Jean sent them all a scathing look with no real heat behind it.
“Do you remember the Shire, Mr. Frodo? It'll be spring soon. And the orchards will be in blossom. And the birds will be nesting in the hazel thicket. And they'll be sowing the summer barley in the lower fields... and eating the first of the strawberries with cream. Do you remember the taste of strawberries?”
There was a lump in Jean’s throat as he couldn’t help but think of Renee’s words to him before he left Palmetto and his list that followed.
A cool evening breeze. Rainbows. Open roads. Friends. Sunshine.
He looked up at Jeremy, finding him staring intently at the screen. Sunshine , he thought again. Jean let himself look for a moment, admiring. Other eyes on him pulled him away from his reverie, he looked at the other couch, finding Cat looking at him. There was a small smile on her face as she looked away.
They were silent for some time before Jean piped up again. “You know— it is so ridiculous for this stupid man—”
“Denethor?” Laila asked.
Jean nodded, launching back into his tirade. “It is ridiculous for him to talk on and on about how Aragorn cannot be king— does he not know the movie is called Return of the King ? Embarrassing. Now he mocks horses themselves. Those creatures will get him like those talking trees did. I know they hold horrors inside of them, great capabilities for revenge—”
Laila cut him off again. “No one will ever believe us that Jean Moreau secretly doesn’t know how to shut the fuck up and watch a movie,” she joked. Cat let out a bark of laughter.
Jean narrowed his eyes. “Yes they will never believe you— and I will keep it that way.” Jean huffed and pouted into Jeremy’s lap. Jeremy couldn’t help but chuckle in response, running his fingers again through Jean’s soft hair.
Jean was not dissuaded and continued his commentary throughout the movie. They loved it. Eventually, though, it was only Jeremy responding. Jean looked over to find Cat and Laila fast asleep, practically on top of each other. Jean could not blame them, the room was warm and cozy now that the sun had set. The room was lit with only a lamp and fairy lights. Despite his nap earlier, Jean felt himself fighting off sleep.
Jeremy was the last man standing. It was late and he did not fault his friends for falling asleep, but nothing could stop him from finishing the movie. He watched Sam and Frodo, and thought back to Cat and Laila’s insistence on the similarities to him and Jean.
“I can’t do this Sam.”
It reminded him of that horrible day he tried so hard to forget— after Grayson’s attack. Nothing could erase it from his memory, though.
If I asked you to kill me, would you?
Those words haunted him— and the look on Jean’s face as he asked.
“I know. It's all wrong. By rights we shouldn't even be here. But we are. It's like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness, and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn't want to know the end, because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines, it'll shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something. Even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back only they didn't. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something.”
Tears welled up in Jeremy’s eyes. He looked at Jean’s face as he slept, head in Jeremy’s lap. He gently brushed a piece of hair off of Jean’s face. This man had been through so much— such unspeakable horror. Jeremy would never know the extent of it, and he knew that he didn't want to. But Jean kept going. He kept fighting.
“What are we holding on to, Sam?”
“That there’s some good in this world, Mr. Frodo… and it’s worth fighting for.”
Jeremy let the tears fall. He just hoped that it was enough, that Jean knew he would stick by his side no matter what.
He didn’t stop crying until after the credits rolled. It didn’t matter how many times Jeremy watched the movie, he always ended up weeping. He sat there collecting himself as Jean stirred
“Jérémy?” Jean asked, his voice sleepy and accent extra thick. His eyebrows were furrowed in concern.
This man was sent here to kill me , Jeremy thought. He pushed those thoughts aside and sniffled. “I’m fine, Jean. Just the movie.”
Jean nodded sleepily, and it pulled a smile to Jeremy’s face. “C’mon, let’s go to bed. The movie is over and you can barely stay awake,” Jeremy reasoned.
Jean sat up, stretching out his arms in a yawn. Jeremy watched as his shirt rose up, exposing a bit of his abdomen. “Yes, Jérémy,” Jean said.
Yes, sent here to kill me for sure. Jeremy wanted to kiss him. Instead, he settled for grabbing Jean’s hand and leading him to bed.
“I’m making you watch the movie where you left off this weekend, you have to see the ending,” Jeremy said as Jean climbed into the other’s bed without a word. They had taken to sharing whenever Jean woke up from a nightmare. Or, nights like tonight when Jean clearly wanted to continue cuddling. Jeremy let out an amused huff and followed Jean to bed.