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Dear Scott,
I miss you. It’s hard being apart from you, especially when everything seems so hard. I’m still struggling to understand exactly what my powers are and how to control them. I just want to be normal again—not even “normal” as in not a kitsune. I just want to have a hold on my powers again. I don’t know why they reacted in the first place, but, God. I just want to fall asleep next to you. I just want to be with you, at home, and just…safe.
I hope it happens someday soon. I’m getting tired of waiting.
Love,
Kira
Dear Kira,
Hold out hope for yourself. I know you can do this. You’ve always pulled through before, and I know you’ll do it again. You’re incredible and full of so much power and energy. Of course you’re not always perfectly in command of all of that—I’m not always in control either. And if there’s anything I’ve learned, living in Beacon Hills, that’s normal. But what’s important is that people like you and me—and like Stiles, and Lydia, and Malia—we all come back to being in control. So I know you’ll be okay. I know we’ll be together again.
Love,
Scott
Dear Scott,
Did you ever write letters to Santa? I never really did, but I always saw it on TV. I asked my mom why we didn’t, and she said not all myths are real.
It’s kind of weird to me now, since I’m basically living in a myth, and my mom’s been doing it for 900 years. I guess it made sense at the time, because I never asked again.
I feel myself getting stronger, and I think it’s just knowing that you believe in me. I’m sorry I can’t come home sooner… it’s just that I never want to put anyone in danger. Especially you.
I love you.
Kira
Dear Kira,
I trust you completely. I hope you know that.
My dad was sort of the same way, but in a…more horrible sense. He just flat out wouldn’t let me write to Santa, even when mom and I were just goofing around and pretending. I think I always knew Santa wasn’t real, even when I was a little kid. But it was fun to pretend—Mom especially liked to pretend back then. But I don’t think I ever finished one. I definitely never mailed it.
Writing letters to you seems kind of like that, though. I keep getting the gift of happiness every time I get a letter back!
Love,
Scott
Dear Scott,
That’s awful. Your dad is so…frustrating.
And stop! You’re being so silly—writing letters and getting them from you is amazing. I get so much hope from writing you. You’re such an incredible alpha. And I know kitsune aren’t meant to be in wolf packs, but I’ve always felt like we belonged together. And not just in a romantic way, although that’s a nice perk—I mean that I belong with you and Malia, and Liam, and Lydia, and Stiles. You guys are like a second family I never knew I wanted.
Not that I’m not incredibly grateful for my own family. They’re amazing—I love being with them and learning from them. Especially now that we’re being honest with each other about everything. They’ve been amazing about this recent lapse, too. I feel like I’m suddenly understanding more things about myself than I ever have before.
Scott, why didn’t you tell me you died? I just found out from Lydia the other day. I wanted to text you, or call, maybe, but I didn’t know what to say. I’m not even sure this is the right way to ask about it, or to say anything, but, God. You need to talk about this, I think. And if you want to talk about it with me, you can.
Love,
Kira
Dear Kira,
I’m sorry I didn’t say anything, I was just… I don’t know. I didn’t know what to say, for one thing, but there’s also the fact that I feel like I need to be better than this. If I’m really the true alpha, shouldn’t I be able to handle this better? I don’t know. I don’t.
I’m so glad your parents are being so supportive right now. I love how much they support you. The fact that your dad was ready to go to prison for a crime neither of you committed just to protect you just blows my mind constantly. I didn’t know dads could do that kind of stuff, but I’m so glad yours does.
Not that I wish I had anything different, of course. My mom is amazing. She’s a superhero, honestly. And she’s been really supportive through this whole ordeal, but, God. It feels like it won’t ever end. And Mom can’t do anything to change that. No one can. Not in a way that’s…ok. So I have to be better I have to make my mom’s sacrifice worth it, and…God. I don’t know any more.
You do belong with us, though. I hope you know that. And I hope it seems like a good thing, even when I’m so broken and fucked up. I’m trying to be better. I want to be the alpha all of you deserve.
And we all miss you, by the way. Mason asked me how you were doing, yesterday. He keeps bringing me tidbits of new information about true alphas, stuff I never knew. Deaton really likes him, too. I think he might offer him a job soon. He’s been looking for someone to help out around the clinic, especially since…after what happened I haven’t been able to work for as long. Mom says I’ll probably get my energy back in a couple days, but for now, I need to take it easy.
I love you. I’m sorry.
Scott
Dear Scott,
You don’t have anything to apologize for. I think I understand the complications of the supernatural more than most people. I understand not knowing what to say…I feel that way, too. A lot. Not that anything I’m going through compares to almost dying, but God. I’m so sorry.
I know, I kind of ramble a lot, and lose track of what I want to say, and so I’m really trying to keep focused for this letter.
I want you to know that it’s okay. It’s okay to feel bad, to feel fallible, to feel sad. You died, Scott. You’re only human—or more than human, but the point is—you aren’t some flawless creature who has to take everything in a stride. Feel the pain. Acknowledge it. Know that what you’re feeling is valid. You deserve to express your emotions in whatever way you want. Just because you’re a true alpha doesn’t mean you have to be perfect.
And, God, Scott—you are an amazing alpha. You couldn’t possibly be better for us. The only reason any of this is happening is because we were all being manipulated. You too! It’s not your fault. It’s not my fault. It’s just… We’re okay. You’re okay.
And I know this is hard to believe. So don’t feel bad if you disagree with me. You aren’t disappointing me. I just want you to know that for me, you are enough. You’re doing enough. You’re an amazing alpha. Better than anything we could have hoped for.
You’re also an amazing boyfriend, who I am wholly in love with. And as your girlfriend, I’m asking you to go easy on yourself. You’re doing an incredible job. You protect all of us and there’s nothing more any of us could ask for, or need, or even want. So, please, Scott, for me. Take time to grieve, to feel, to just…be. To reconfigure.
I love you the most,
Kira
Dear Kira,
I love you more than anything.
Scott
Dear Scott,
I know.
Love,
Kira
P.S. Stiles says you still haven’t watched Star Wars. Let’s do that when I get back.
Dear Kira,
Deal. Just come back soon.
Love,
Scott