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“Hey!”
Saint looks up from his phone.
Shin has just come out of his house and is looking at him expectantly. “Ready to go?”
Saint puts away his phone and hands Shin his spare helmet. “You look pretty in pink,” he comments casually.
Shin looks down at his sweatshirt. “Pretty…?”
Saint laughs. “Come on, boys can be pretty too.”
There’s a faint blush on Shin’s face. He looks dumbfounded.
“Stop frowning,” teases Saint. “You mastered the art of having no expressions, do you want to start getting wrinkles now?”
Shin raises the helmet and pretends to be about to hit Saint on the head. “Shut up and start the engine.”
The other boy does as he is told and gestures to him to hop on. Shin fastens the helmet and positions himself behind his friend. He rests one hand on the side of the bike and the other on Saint’s middle.
They are headed to Chadjen’s leaving party at his house. Everybody from the class has been invited and this is quite a novelty. But it probably won’t happen again since none of them has a house big enough to throw a party at. Except Cable, maybe, but who would want to party at the principal’s house?
“I want to start saving to buy a Ducati,” says Saint out of the blue.
“What?” asks Shin leaning forward and propping his chin on Saint’s shoulder.
“I want to start saving to buy a Ducati,” repeats Saint, louder this time.
Shin scoffs. “Good luck with that.”
Saint pinches him on the thigh. He doesn’t manage to reach Shin’s flesh though, since he is wearing thick jeans.
They ride through Bangkok’s heavy traffic in silence after that. The air is not as humid as during the daytime. On the contrary, it’s quite refreshing to speed on the road with the breeze blowing on their face.
“By the way,” Shin breaks the comfortable silence. “My shirt is lilac.”
Saint just laughs and revs up.
***
They stop in front of Chadjen’s house and ring the intercom. Saint parks his bike on the driveway and urges Shin to dismount.
The bottles inside Shin’s backpack clank as he gets off the bike. He grimaces. “I feel bad.”
“About what?”
“Bringing alcohol.”
Saint shakes his head. “No one will know. Unless someone snitches on us, it’s very unlikely we will get arrested or something.”
Shin pouts. “I’m not worried about that.”
As he puts their helmets under the seat, Saint looks at his friend with a puzzled expression.
“What if someone gets sick? What if they trash the house?” continues Shin.
“Chadjen is moving out in a few days anyway.”
“Ohi, Saint!” shouts Shin. “His parents are keeping the house and won’t be happy if they find out their son’s friends have destroyed it.”
Saint steps forward to touch Shin’s shoulder. “I will keep an eye on everyone, if it makes you feel better. But I’m quite sure that everybody will behave. Besides, the butler and the housekeeper will be around.”
Shin sighs. With the better illumination on Chadjen’s doorstep, Saint can actually see the lilac colour of his shirt. Nonetheless, he looks nice. Pastels suit him.
“To worry about Chadjen all the time won’t do you any good,” he observes. “Or him. Please relax and enjoy tonight.”
It looks like Shin is about to say something when the door opens.
“It took you long enough”, complains Nate, his brother by his side.
“It’s because Saint doesn’t have a Ducati yet.”
“What?”
Saint punches Shin on the shoulder. “Don’t mind him, can you let us in?”
Knot frowns. “Show us the goods first.”
Shin shows him the beers. “If I find out you’ve brought some of your shitty stuff to the party I will kill you,” he threatens.
“Ohi, man, you still have trust issues after all that happened?” protests Nate. “Please don’t let Ken hear you or he’ll be very upset.”
“I took a knife to my back to help Ken, he has nothing to be upset about…” mumbles Shin.
“Technically, you did it to protect Saint,” rebuts Nate.
Saint shakes his head. “Okay, cool, can we come in now?” He puts a hand on the small of Shin’s back and pushes him inside.
The house is quite bare. Most of the furniture is still there, but without any pictures on the wall, or trinkets here and there, it doesn’t feel like a home anymore. When they reach the living room though, they find out that the room looks almost as it was before, quite lived in, and, most of all, the giant flat screen is still there. Most of their friends are gathered in front of the TV to play a football game. It’s Ken versus Cable.
There is music coming from the speakers in a corner of the room. There is a buzz coming from the kitchen too, a sign that there are people in there chatting.
When Chadjen, who was sitting on the carpet watching the game, spots them, he immediately gets up. “Shin! Saint!” He looks happy and quite comfortable in a room full of people.
Saint spies Shin’s soft smile and smiles himself. He grabs the beers Shin is holding. “I’ll take these to the kitchen.”
Some of his classmates are already sipping on drinks. The atmosphere is chill and relaxed. He hopes this will put Shin’s mind at ease.
He finds Eve and Airy in the kitchen and greets them. “Is Peeta coming?”
“She will be here soon,” answers Eve, sucking on her lollipop as usual. “Her mum wasn’t too happy about…this.”
Saint sighs and puts the beers in the fridge. He is pleased to find out that there is something to snack on too.
“Drink this while we wait for your beers to chill,” Eve pushes a cup into his hand.
“What is it?” asks Saint suspiciously.
“Some kind of cocktail that Chadjen’s butler or whatever made. There’s barely any alcohol in it.”
Saint laughs. “It’s better to start on a light note.”
They chat for a bit until the doorbell rings and Eve and Airy go get the door. Peeta comes in, bearing soft drinks. “Sorry, guys, my mum would kill me if I drink anything alcoholic.”
Eve hugs her. “It’s probably for the better.”
Peeta rolls her eyes. “It’ll be boring to be sober while you’ll be pissed.”
Eve and Airy laugh. Saint offers her some crisps.
“Do you think they will ever let us play?” asks Airy once a loud cheer comes from the adjacent room, crossing her arms and pouting.
“I doubt it,” answers Peeta munching on her crisps.
“Ugh, I hate men,” comments Eve.
“Ohi!” protests Saint.
Eve squeezes his arm. “Sorry, Saint, it is what it is.”
“I’ll grab a beer,” says Airy. “This shit is not doing anything for me.” She opens three beers and passes one to Saint. It’s still lukewarm but it will do. “Why are you hiding in the kitchen with the girls? Don’t you want to play with the boys?” she asks.
Saint takes a sip of the beer. “I’m not hiding. I am barely giving Shin the opportunity to spend some time with Chadjen before he leaves.”
“Awww,” they all react at once.
Saint tries to hide behind his beer. “What.”
“It’s quite sad though,” comments Peeta. “That Chadjen is leaving, I mean.”
“Now that those boys have finally gotten their shit together,” says Airy. “You know, with the crimes and the bullying…”
“Those boys,” echoes Peeta.
“Well, at least we can try and live in harmony now. And you can study in peace without the fear that a fight will break at any given moment.”
“Your boys used to start fights as well.”
Eve senses some tension and steps in. “All of them are shitty anyway, let’s not argue because of them.”
Saints elbows her lightly. “Come on,” he laughs.
Eve puts an arm around his shoulder. “Don’t worry, Saint, all things considered, you’re quite alright.”
“Well, thank you.”
Shin enters the kitchen. “Saint?”
“So much for spending some time with Chadjen,” mumbles Eve.
Saint pinches her side. She squeaks and almost chokes on her lollipop.
“Am I interrupting something?” asks Shin with a frown.
“Nah, we were only talking about how much we hate men,” explains Airy.
Shin’s cheeks are rosy. Saint notices the bottle of liquor in his hand.
“I came here to offer you all this, but since you hate men I won’t-”
A chorus of protests erupts. Eve and Airy scurry to find an empty glass for the liquor.
Shin fills their cups halfway through and then turns to Saint who doesn’t have a cup in hand. “Ok, open up.”
Saint furrows his brow. Shin takes a step forward and lifts his chin.
“Where did you get this, Shin?”
Shin squeezes his chin. “It’s from Chadjen’s parents stash. You can trust it.”
Saint yields and opens his mouth. Shin pours some of the brown liquid inside. It’s with a great effort that he manages to not start coughing straight away.
A rivulet of rum streams down his chin. Shin reaches and wipes it off. He then licks his thumb, not breaking eye contact.
Saint gulps. “Shin.” He already feels warm all over after the rum and on top of that, this.
“Okay, guys, we’ll see you later,” says Airy grabbing Eve and Peeta’s arms. The three girls leave them alone in the kitchen.
Shin leans on the counter next to Saint, his shoulder touching his friend’s.
“How’s Chadjen?” asks Saint sipping on his beer to chase away the rum’s aftertaste.
“He’s fine.”
“Do you feel better now about all of this?”
Shin sighs and licks his lips. Saint stares at his glistening mouth.
“I’ve been taking care of Chadjen for quite a while now,” starts Shin. “I need to get used to the idea that someone else might start to take care of him from now on.”
Saint bumps his shoulder against Shin’s. “Maybe he can even start taking care of himself.”
Shin shakes his head. “Maybe, or maybe not. I just want him to be okay.”
“Do you know that even if he won’t ‘need’ you anymore, he can still be your friend, right?”
Shin snorts. He takes a sip of the rum straight from the bottle. “I guess.”
Saint watches him as he drinks, the mole on his throat moving as he swallows. “Please, don’t drink it all.”
“Of course not, do you want me to die? Besides, I promised Ken I would hand it over to him.”
Saint puts an arm around him. Shin hesitates for a moment before resting his head on Saint’s shoulder.
“Will you also stop needing me sooner or later?” he murmurs.
Before Saint has the chance to reply, Chadjen barges in. “Shin, Saint, it’s your turn with FIFA.”
They move to the living room.
~~~
After two beers and a few more sips of the rum, Saint is positively tipsy. There is a pleasant buzz under his skin, he likes it. Shin and he had just finished playing a game of FIFA (he lost) and now it’s First and Tew’s turn. They have to scoot over to make some room for the other two on the sofa. Shin puts an arm on the back of the sofa, behind Saint’s head, and one leg on Saint’s lap. Saint rests a hand on his friend’s knee, which peeks out from the tear in his jeans. They are a little bit cramped for room, but it’s alright.
Shin starts massaging Saint’s nape. Saint tenses up and then, feeling stupid, relaxes into his touch. His friend leans in to talk into his ear. “They suck.”
Saint is slightly distracted to understand him at once.
“I heard that,” informs them First.
Shin laughs into Saint’s ear, his breath tickling Saint’s skin.
He is not usually this mellow. Or this touchy. Saint starts drawing circles on Shin’s knee. Shin steals the bottle of beer from his hand and takes a sip.
“You could get your own beer,” protests Saint.
“I’m too lazy to get up, will you do it for me, please?”
Saint is ready to comply since his friend asked him so nicely, but Shin prevents him by throwing an arm around him. “No, stay.”
“Make up your mind, dude.”
Shin laughs. “I’m fine with drinking yours.”
Saint shakes his head. “Aren’t you drinking too much already?”
Shin bats his eyelashes. “Are you worried about me?” he whispers.
Saint bursts out laughing because he looks ridiculous, but also very cute. “Your question is preposterous,” he jokes just to see Shin’s adorably confused expression.
“Where did you learn these big words?”
“You know, you can find them in…books, for example?”
Shin huffs. “You won’t convince me you had read books.”
Saint slaps him on the head. “You know nothing about me.”
He realises that he went too far with his joke when he meets Shin’s hurt gaze. “You’re right, I know nothing about your life when we were divorced.”
Saint can’t help but snort. “Shin, what the -”
“You two, why don’t you get a room?” shouts Ken from the carpet.
Shin turns and straightens up. Saint glares at Ken for having forced Shin to take his body heat away.
“I need to pee,” Shin announces, getting up from the couch.
For some unfathomable reason, Saint grabs his hand. “Hey, I’ll fill you in.”
First and Tew both turn their heads to look at them, letting the game to play on its own.
Saint purposely ignores them. Shin’s gaze is the only one he cares about. “I mean, I’ll tell you everything I did when we weren’t in each other’s lives.”
Shin’s eyes are soft and pleased. He squeezes Saint’s hand. “Do you want to come?”
Saint stares at him long enough to gather if he is joking. He is not. “Errr, no, I…I’m okay.”
He watches as Shin stumbles towards the bathroom. He feels everybody’s eyes on him.
Shin comes back after a while with a beer for Saint, who has just finished the previous one. The problem is, Tangmay has occupied the spot next to Saint. She is tiny, therefore there’s no need for her to be plastered all over Saint, so they are sitting comfortably next to each other. Still, there’s no room for an extra person.
Shin purses his lips, looking displeased. He decides to sit on the floor, at Saint’s feet. He puts an elbow on Saint’s thigh and starts watching the game.
Tangmay entertains Saint with her theories about Miss Jan and Mr Sung’s relationship. Saint listens as attentively as he can, considering his scarce interest in the topic, keeping an eye on Shin all the time. He starts stroking his friend’s hair. Why not, it’s just there, at his fingertips.
“Do you think they’ve fucked already?”
Both Saint and Shin turn to her, confused. Shin was distracted by the game, Saint by…Shin.
“I mean, Miss Jan and Mr Sung?”
Saint blinks. “I…I don’t have an opinion about it.”
Shin laughs.
“You guys are boring,” concludes the girl, getting up and leaving.
Shin springs up immediately to sit beside Saint. He lands halfway through the couch and Saint’s lap. He clinks their bottles with a self-satisfied smile. Saint absentmindedly puts a hand on his thigh.
They watch the match between Nate and Knot. Their shouts prevent anyone from talking.
“I need to pee,” says Saint when he is about to burst. He would have held it a little longer to not dislodge Shin, but he really has to go.
Shin looks at him with longing and betrayal.
Saint laughs and bids him goodbye. He feels a little light-headed on his way to the bathroom, so he resolves to stop by the kitchen on the way back to grab some snacks.
He meets Chadjen coming out of the bathroom. “Are you okay?”
Chadjen nods enthusiastically. “I’m so happy to have you all here.”
“Have you been drinking?”
“No, I don’t like it.”
Saint pats him on the head. “Good boy.”
“Saint?”
“Mh?”
“Will you take care of Shin when I’m gone? I don’t want him to be sad.”
Saint feels to urge to squeeze his cheeks but he stops himself. “Of course I will. It’s basically my job.”
Chadjen looks at him quizzically but he nods at last. “Thank you.”
After he relieves himself, Saint heads to the kitchen. He returns to the living room with two beers and some crisps.
Chadjen is sitting next to Shin on the couch and he doesn’t have the heart to ask them to make room for him. They look deep in conversation but, once Saint approaches them to give Shin his beer and dispense some snacks, they stop.
“Here.”
Shin accepts the beer and the crisps, which he shares with Chadjen.
“I’m going to hang out with…” starts Saint. “Them,” he finishes awkwardly pointing at the girls in the corner. It looks like they are starting a game of darts.
Shin grabs his wrist. “Why?”
He seems way more heartbroken than he should.
“They asked me to join them,” lies Saint.
When he approaches the girls, they welcome him with cheers. They hand him the darts and manage to put the speaker’s volume up to cover the noise made by the boys on the couch.
“I feel like I’ve been accepted into your special circle,” jokes Saint.
“You have,” confirms Eve. “But don’t make us regret it.”
They play a few rounds. Saint sucks.
He checks from time to time on Shin, stealing glances here and there. Sometimes he finds Shin already looking at him. At some point, Nate jumps on the couch and lifts his beer to cheer for Chadjen. Saint watches him closely, mostly because he had promised Shin to keep an eye on any possible antisocial behaviour from the group. Everything is fine though, Chadjen looks flustered but happy. Shin is next to him to support him anyway. Their chants in Chadjen’s honour seem genuine, so he and the girls join from their corner. The furniture is safe too, so he can stop worrying.
He is in the middle of shooting his dart when he feels a pair of hands on his waist. His heart jumps to his throat. He turns to look at Shin, whose hands remain firmly on his hips.
“Hey,” he greets him. “Is everything okay?”
They stare at each other for a few seconds. Shin’s eyes are hooded but focused so intently on Saint they look very intense.
He fixes Saint’s hair falling on his eyes. Saint is barely breathing for fear of breaking…whatever this is.
“I just wanted to check on you,” says Shin, casting a glance at the girls who are watching them not so subtly. “Are you having fun?”
Saint nods. “Do you want to play darts with us?”
Shin squeezes Saint’s hips. “No, I’ve promised Chadjen to play with him. They moved to a…cars game,” he slurs.
“Do they plan to play all night long?”
Shin shrugs. “You know…boys.”
Saint almost laughs in his face. He doesn’t comment on it.
“Are you sure you are okay?” he presses when Shin doesn’t give any hint about the reason behind his weird behaviour.
“Yes,” assures Shin. He then pats Saint’s back and leaves.
Eve snaps her fingers in front of his face. “Hey, lover boy, you still with us?”
“What,” mouths Saint.
“That was intense,” comments Tangmay, fanning herself.
“Leave him alone,” says Peeta, grabbing him. “I’m tired, do you want to sit for a bit?”
“Sure, okay.”
Peeta squeezes his arm. “Wow, your arms are very firm,” she observes.
Saint laughs. “Thank you?”
He quickly runs to the kitchen to grab a Coke for Peeta and a beer for himself. This is going to be the last one. He feels okay, overall, but buzzed nonetheless. It’s not a bad feeling, if it stays like this.
“How are you?” he asks Peeta when they squeeze on an armchair with a view both of the boys playing games on the TV and the girls playing darts and singing out of tune.
Peeta sips her Coke. “I’m quite alright, let’s say that the worst is over now. Thank you for asking.”
Saint squeezes her shoulder. He has always felt protective of her. “I’m glad to hear that. You look…better.”
Peeta hides her smile behind her cup.
“You know that you can always count on me, right?” says Saint. “Talk to me, please, if you ever feel like you need to.”
Peeta clasps his hand. “Thank you.”
They watch their friends as Eve positions herself behind Airy to explain to her the best technique to shoot the dart. Eve’s hands on Airy’s hips remind Saint of Shin’s. He gulps half of his beer in one go.
Peeta shakes her head. “Those two.”
Saint looks at her. “What about them?”
Peeta puckers her lips. “They are funny.”
Saint nudges her. “How do you really feel about them? Are you jealous?”
Peeta snorts. “Jealous? Absolutely not. Me and Eve have a completely different relationship compared to what she has with Airy, now I’m sure.”
Saint nods to show her that he is listening.
“Do I like Airy? Not…yet,” continues Peeta. “But me and Eve are okay now, and I don’t feel left out when I’m with them. Despite their…relationship status.”
“What’s their relationship status?” asks Saint, obliviously.
Peeta looks at him side-eyed. “Same as you and Shin.”
Saint chokes on his beer. “Excuse me?”
Peeta frowns. “I don’t know what to call it? You are barely one inch away from being more than just friends.”
Saint presses the cold bottle to his forehead. If he denies it, Peeta would call out his bluff straight away.
He exhales. “Fuck, is it that obvious?”
“Oh, look your boyfriend is coming,” she informs him.
Saint watches as Shin starts walking towards them, then stops short and changes direction.
“…and now he’s not,” says Peeta with a certain disappointment. “I think he hates me.”
“He doesn’t,” protests Saint, not very convinced.
Eve and Airy appear on both sides of the armchair.
“Hello, what are you talking about?” asks Eve. She is swaying a little.
Peeta seeks Saint’s permission to disclose the topic of their conversation with a glance.
Saint nods.
“Saint and Shin’s relationship,” she replies.
“Are they boyfriends?” screeches Tangmay appearing in front of them.
Airy grabs her arm. “Keep your voice down.”
The three of them sit on the floor. Saint feels like he is attending some sort of witches’ Sabbath. Is he going to be worshipped or sacrificed?
Eve crosses her hands under her chin and looks at Saint. “So?”
Saint opens and closes his mouth like a fish.
Peeta saves him from the embarrassment. “Saint just realised that he and Shin should be dating.”
No, he did not just realise this, thank you very much.
“To be honest, we all thought you were already,” comments Tangmay.
“Who’s we?” asks Saint squinting.
“Everybody?” replies the girl. She then fetches her phone and starts typing. “Look, there are a couple of Facebook groups dedicated to your ‘ship’.”
Saint grabs her phone with shaking hands. He doesn’t really want to see it, but at the same time, he wants to know how unhinged some people can be. “Ohi, you are part of these groups!”
Tangmay shrugs. “Of course.”
“Why no one told me about this?”
“We thought you knew.”
Saint frowns. “I did not? This is insane.”
Eve pats him on the knee. “Come on, it’s not so bad, you’re just famous among the fujoshi.”
“Fujo what?”
They all laugh at his expense.
“Does Shin know about this?” he asks.
“How are we supposed to know?” answers Eve.
Saint hides his face in his hands. “This is so embarrassing.”
“That everybody knew you should be dating but you two?” asks Peeta.
“Oh, I think Shin knows,” weighs in Airy.
Saint’s eyes widen. “Knows what?”
Airy smiles mischievously. “He must know that he is in love with you and you are in love with him,” she states. “I’ve never seen him like this with anyone. This…soft. I think that the boy is a goner.”
Saint groans.
Peeta squeezes his arm. “Come on, it’s going to be easy for you two to get together.”
“You think so?”
“People always say that it’s us girls who are complicated,” Eve jumps in. “When it’s you, boys. It’s because you are not connected to your own feelings, you never know what you want or you make everything so damn complicated because you don’t want to admi-”
Peeta kicks her. “Are you sure you should be the one lecturing him about this?”
Eve’s eyes flicker to Airy who is sitting beside her. She shuts up for good.
“What do I do then?” presses Saint. “What if he…what if he’d rather keep things as they are?”
Tangmay smirks. “Oh, trust me, Shin wants that cookie so bad…”
“I really don’t understand your lingo sometimes…” admits Saint, lost.
“You should spend more time on the Internet, my friend,” she tells him.
“That’s wonderful advice, Tangmay, thank you for your contribution,” jokes Peeta. She then turns to Saint. “Saint, trust us. We are girls and we always know better: you have nothing to worry about. Go get your boy.”
Saint takes a deep breath in. “I might need another beer.”
Airy grabs the bottle of rum they were passing around earlier. “This would work better. Finish it.”
Saint downs the last drops of rum. He then resolutely puts the bottle down on the carpet and stands. “I’m going.” He looks around. “Do you know where Shin is?”
“I saw him going outside,” Airy informs him.
“Ok, I’m going!”
The girls all cheer for him. “Good luck!”
Before he leaves, he watches as Eve gets up, marches to the coach and stands in front of the TV, hands on her hips. “I had enough!” she declares. “We are a mixed class, so we should mix! And we have equal rights, so you should let us play too!”
Saint doesn’t have time to follow the outcome of Eve’s outburst. He has a more urgent matter to take care of. He wishes the girls all the best though in their fight against the boys’ supremacy.
Once outside, he finds Shin sitting on the grass in front of the swimming pool, smoking. “There you are.”
Shin jumps. “Please don’t tell Chadjen about this.”
“You are more scared of Chadjen than you are of me?” Saint shakes his head disapprovingly, then he steals Shin’s cigarette from his fingers and plops down on the ground, sitting between Shin’s open legs.
Shin tries to take his cigarette back, but he fails. “Please, let me have this,” he pleads.
Saint shakes his head, smirking. He then takes a drag and, overcome with the urge to make him speechless, grabs Shin’s chin, forces his lips open and exhales the smoke inside his mouth. Their lips briefly touch. Adrenaline shoots up Saint’s spine from this simple contact.
Shin chokes on the smoke. He doubles down coughing.
Saint lets him rest his forehead on his shoulder. “I’m so sorry! Are you okay?” he asks apprehensively.
Shin keeps shaking from the cough. Saint puts the cigarette out on the ground and pats him gently on the back. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to.”
“I’m okay,” croaks Shin. He takes a deep breath.
Once he has calmed down, Saint grabs his face with both hands and wipes a tear from the corner of Shin’s eye. His eyes are glassy and shiny. He looks miserable and cute. Saint wants to bite him. “What were you doing here, by the way?”
Shin clears his throat. “You saw what I was doing,” he complains. “And you had to ruin it.”
Saint pushes him lightly on the shoulder. “Come on, I just saved your life!”
Shin glares.
Saint shrugs. “I mean…smoking is not good. You promised us that-”
Shin hits him on the chest. “Don’t guilt trip me,” he whines.
Saint grabs his wrist gently. “What’s wrong with you? Why did you come out here all alone to have a smoke?”
Shin pouts. “As if you cared.”
“What,” deadpans Saint. “Are you serious right now?”
Shin tries to back away from him but Saint tightens his grip on his wrist.
“Why don’t you go back to snuggle with Peeta?”
“Snugg-, wait, are you drunk?”
Shin points a finger at him. “I’m not drunk”, he declares with conviction. “I’m tipsy at most.”
Saint looks him up and down. “You are jealous then.”
Shin snatches his wrist back. “Nonsense. Why would I be jealous.”
Saint grabs him by the shoulders. “You left the party to come here and mope.”
“Well, you were busy with Pee-”
“Ha ha! See, you are jealous!”
Shin scrunches up his nose, confused. “I don’t like Peeta.”
“I know…?”
Shin squints. “Do you like Peeta?” he asks, trying to be serious. But, since he is tipsy, he just looks ridiculous.
Saint flicks him on the forehead. “Are you stupid?”
“Ouch!” Shin bats his hand away. “Why, what’s wrong with her?”
“Nothing,” answers Saint after a few seconds. “She’s cute.”
Shin starts biting his lower lip. “Mh.” He lowers his eyes and crosses his arms in front of his chest.
Saint can’t take it anymore. “But not as cute as you.” He watches as Shin’s eyes widen comically. “Why are you so surprised?” He sighs and grabs Shin’s wrists to uncross his arms. He holds them as he says: “Do you understand what I’m saying?”
Shin sways forward. Saint meets him halfway until their foreheads touch.
“Saint,” mumbles Shin as he closes his eyes.
Saint brushes his nose against his. He breathes in Shin’s next exhale. “Do you understand?” he repeats.
Shin moves his face slightly. “Maybe.”
Saint smiles. “Me and Peeta were talking about you,” he admits.
Shin opens his eyes. “Good things, I hope?”
Saint presses his nose against Shin’s. “What do you think?”
Shin shuts his eyes once again. “Saint, you’re making me shiver,” he murmurs as his fingertips delicately touch the inside of Saint’s wrists.
A swarm of butterflies takes flight inside Saint’s stomach. He puts a hand on the back of Shin’s neck but as he gets ready to close the distance between their lips, he hears the noise of the French door opening.
They get away from each other immediately. Shin lets himself fall backwards on the grass. Saint turns away from him.
Most of their classmates have already jumped in the swimming pool completely clothed.
“Saint!” Cable hops towards them. “Shin!”
Saint touches his ears and finds them very hot. He waves at his friend as he gets up.
First appears beside Cable. “Why don’t you join us?” he asks. “Oh, is Shin okay?”
Saint casts a glance at Shin, lying motionless on the ground.
“He’s a bit drunk,” he lies, then he clears his throat. “I’m…I’m going to take him upstairs.”
Cable nods. “Of course.”
“Let us know if you need help,” adds First.
Saint kicks Shin’s calf. “I’m fine. Come on, Shin, stand up.”
Shin grumbles as he sits. Saint crouches to let him hold onto his shoulders, then he lifts him with minimum effort. “Where is Chadjen?” he asks since he can’t see him anywhere.
“He went to fetch his swimsuit,” explains Cable.
Saint feels reassured enough to finally leave. “I’m off. You guys have fun, I’ll take care of him.”
In the few meters between the pool and the house, Shin is nothing but a deadweight on his back. “Are you playing the drunken part or have you actually passed out?”
Shin tightens his arms around Saint’s neck. “I’m not drunk.”
They stop in front of the French door. Once inside, Saint eyes the stairs that lead upstairs. “I’m afraid you have to drop the pretence and walk up those.”
Shin laughs. “I was starting to enjoy the princess treatment,” he jokes as he gets off.
“I don’t know what you mean,” says Saint honestly. He catches Shin’s fingers and guides him up the steps.
Shin stops on the first landing. Saint turns to check on him. “Are you okay?”
“Where are we going?”
Saint takes a step towards him. “I was thinking of finding a bedroom and…” Shin looks at him intently. Saint blushes. “If you want, of course.”
Shin inches closer and puts a hand on Saint’s hip. Saint’s breath catches in his throat. “If I want what? You haven’t asked me anything.”
“Well…if you want to continue our conversation?”
Shin laughs softly. “I do.”
His eyes root Saint’s to the floor. Saint has to blink to escape them. “Let’s go.”
They find what was probably Chadjen’s parents’ bedroom, which only contains a massive bed and very scarce furniture. It would do.
Shin closes the door behind himself. Before he can turn on the lights, Saint pushes him gently against the frame.
“Saint?” whispers Shin.
Saint needs to see him, so he looks for the switch. The light is pleasantly dim and warm, Shin looks mellow and soft in its glow. As Saint inches closer, he swallows.
Saint kisses him on one cheekbone. He then moves to his jaw. He leaves one last gentle kiss on the corner of Shin’s mouth, before he takes a step back to look at Shin’s doe eyes. They sparkle.
He moves to the other side, trailing his mouth all over Shin’s face.
“Saint,” murmurs Shin. “You…”
Saint puts his hands on Shin’s hips and kisses him under his ear. “What…?” he whispers.
“You’re so good at this,” says Shin with a broken voice. “Did you have a lot of practice?”
Saint stops peppering kisses on his face to laugh. “What do you mean? Oh…you’re being jealous again?”
Shin grips his shoulders. “No, what I mean is that you…you’re driving me insane.”
Saint smiles. He is driving himself insane as well. He thinks it’s worth the wait. “You know? Jealousy looks good on you.”
Shin parts his mouth to express his disagreement, but in the end, he thinks better of it and closes it. He looks like a doll with his rosy cheeks, glassy eyes, long lashes and heart-shaped lips. Saint wants to eat him whole.
“But…” continues Saint. “There hasn’t been anyone else, I swear. You are the only one I’ve ever ki-”
Shin tilts his chin up encouraging him to continue.
Saint chuckles. “Well, I haven’t actually kissed you yet.”
Shin inhales, his nostrils flaring. “What are you waiting for then?”
Saint moves forward slowly. He stops a few inches away from Shin’s lips and looks up at his eyes once again. Shin is very still as he holds his breath. Saint closes his eyes and finally presses his mouth against Shin’s.
For a moment, he fears that his knees are going to give in. He holds onto Shin’s waist, whose hands are in turn gripping his arms, and kisses him again. His lips are so sweet.
They exchange soft, tentative kisses, with each one lingering a bit longer on each other’s lips.
Shin squeezes his arms. “Can we move to the bed?”
Saint can hear his own pounding heart inside his head. He is not sure he can use his legs. He swallows. “Okay.”
Shin stares at him with eyes full of yearning for a few seconds before he takes hold of his face with both hands and joins their mouth once again. He moves his lips along Saint’s as he pushes him backwards towards the bed. Saint can taste the nicotine in his mouth now.
Once Saint’s legs hit the bed, he sits down. Shin straddles him as he keeps kissing him, his fingers dug into his hair. His mouth is firm and insistent, giving Saint’s no escape, but at the same time gentle and reverent.
Saint breaks for air. Shin starts dragging his wet mouth all over one side of his face. “Am I as good as you?” he whispers.
Saint laughs. “Are you asking if you’re driving me crazy?”
Shin nods.
“For a while,” Saint replies.
Shin raises a brow.
“You’ve been driving me crazy for a while now,” explains Saint. He puts his big hands on Shin’s thighs and enjoys the way Shin’s whole body trembles.
The other boy smiles. He looks dazed but happy. “We needed a bit of liquid courage to get to this point,” he says before bending forward to steal Saint’s mouth again. The moment his tongue darts out to taste Saint’s lips, Saint mewls. He falls backwards, taking Shin with him. He props himself on his elbows, but soon he realises this won’t work because he needs to touch Shin. “Wait.”
Shin looks at him in confusion. Saint’s eyes scan his face. “Sorry, I’m uncomfortable.”
Shin literally pales.
“No, no, wait, I mean, my position is!” Saint rushes to explain.
Shin rolls his eyes and moves aside. Saint moves backwards on the bed and lies on his side. “Come here.”
Shin joins him. They look into each other’s eyes for a while, unsure about what to do next.
Saint reaches out to touch the corner of Shin’s eye. “You’re so very pretty,” he blurts. Shin blushes but doesn’t reply. He turns his head to kiss the inside of Saint’s wrist. Saint is about to melt into a puddle. He laughs at his own cheesiness.
“What?” asks Shin, perplexed.
“Never mind, I’m stupid.”
Shin pokes him in the abdomen. “Tell me.”
Saint sighs. He then scoots closer to Shin, who throws an arm over his middle. They intertwine their legs to be as close as possible.
Instead of complying with Shin’s demand, Saint kisses him again. He feels bolder than before, so his mouth gets more demanding. Shin responds beautifully, parting his lips, daring to slip his tongue in from time to time. Saint loves the plumpness of Shin’s mouth, the wetness of their kiss, the way Shin’s fingers are leaving indents on his hips.
He absentmindedly lifts Shin’s sweatshirt to touch the warm skin of his back. When he chances upon Shin’s quite fresh scar, Shin flinches.
“I’m sorry,” he says. “Did I hurt you?”
Shin just moves his hand to the other side. “No, I’m good, keep touching me, please,” he mumbles before diving back into the kiss.
Despite the excitement surging through his veins, Saint’s touch on Shin’s back is light and tender. He feels like he is holding something precious that he doesn’t want to damage. Not anymore.
Shin breaks the kiss after a while and looks at him intently. Saint doesn’t expect him to suddenly yawn, eyes scrunched and mouth wide open. He looks like a cat.
“Sleepy?” asks Saint as Shin buries his face into his neck.
Shin brushes his lips against Saint’s Adam’s apple. Saint marvels at the fact that this is what the rest of his life will probably look like from now on. How lucky he is.
For the second time tonight, he wipes off a tear that has escaped Shin’s eye after the yawning. “So cute,” he comments.
“Mh?”
Saint smiles affectionately, even if Shin can’t see him. “You’ve never been like this, are you sure you’re not drunk?” he jokes.
Shin punches him in the chest. “I told you, I’m not drunk,” he protests, his voice muffled. “I’m in love.”
It takes a huge effort on Saint’s part to pretend that he hasn’t heard the most life-changing sentence ever uttered from anyone in his 19 years of existence. “I’ve never seen you in love then,” he murmurs still reeling from Shin’s candid confession.
Shin punches him for the second time. “Oh, really?” his head comes out from his hiding place in Saint’s neck. “I’ve always been in love with you.”
This takes the place as the ‘second most life-changing sentence ever uttered from anyone in his 19 years of existence’.
Saint clears his throat. “Well, you’ve been very good at hiding it.”
Before Shin’s third punch in a row can successfully land, Saint grabs his hand. “What now?”
Shin rolls his eyes. “You’re so dumb.”
“Ohi!”
If anything, they are both dumb, since they have been in love with each other for years in secret.
Saint starts tickling him. Shin tries to stop his hands but has to succumb to his attack. He ends up a writhing mess under Saint.
“Are you done?” he asks, panting. His lips are pink and full, his eyes shiny.
Saint touches his lips to Shin’s cheek to kiss the warmth of his skin.
“Where is your confession?” asks Shin, pouting.
Saint laughs. He then kisses his puckered lips.
Shin lets himself being kissed for a while before he moves his head to the side. “So?”
Saint lies down next to him and starts playing with his fingers. “You’ve always made fun of me for my lame love declarations when, in truth, you’ve always secretly enjoyed them.”
Shin laughs. “Guilty as charged.”
Saint stretches out his hand to touch Shin’s forehead and brush his hair aside. “But I know why.”
Shin’s eyes round in confusion. He reminds Saint of a deer.
“I know why you’ve been enjoying my cheesiness even though you pretended to hate it,” he continues. “When we were younger, you used to be the best one out of the two of us at expressing your feelings, while my words always failed me. I was totally useless when it came to telling you how I felt. After we parted, I had so much time in my hands and I spent most of it thinking about you and about what I wanted to say to you. Unfortunately, when I finally found the words to tell you, you weren’t there to listen to them.” Shin smiles at him, even if in the depths of his eyes Saint can glimpse a hint of sadness. “ But I bottled them all up inside me, waiting for the day I would be finally able to set them free. I think that every word I’ve ever told you since we met again was nothing but a declaration of love. Do you need more?”
Shin looks mesmerised. “I don’t need to hear anything more from you,” he murmurs with heart-breaking candour after a while. “Now I just want you to be with me.”
“I am with you, not just now but forever,” replies Saint. “I promise that I will never not need you.”
They hug each other tightly and stay like this for a while.
When Saint is starting to think that he might fall asleep any moment now, Shin breaks the silence: “Will you tell me everything you did when we weren’t talking?”
“I honestly didn’t do much, apart from working and thinking about you.”
And writing poetry in my head about you, he doesn’t say.
“I want to know every little thing anyway. I don’t want this gap in my memories of us.”
Saint pecks him on the mouth. “Okay, I promise I’ll tell you everything. And you’ll do the same.” He yawns. Shin is warm and placid in his arms. This is going to be the best night’s sleep of his life. “Ah, by the way. Did you know about those Facebook groups for people who ‘ship’ us?”
“Ship us where?”
Saint frowns.
“Relax, I know what it means, I was kidding. And yes, I’ve seen them. Chadjen showed them to me.”
“And you didn’t think of telling me?” Saint hits him on the head.
“And make it weird between us?” Shin huffs. “You know that these groups were born when we were still arguing? What did they see in us?”
Saint smirks. “Just to be clear, you were arguing with me, I was pining after you. But if you think about it, it’s a classic.”
“A classic what?”
Saint brushes off an eyelash that has fallen on Shin’s cheek. “A classic ‘enemies to lovers’ love story.”
“Well, now I know what kind of books you were reading when we were apart.”
They both burst out laughing.
“Shall we sleep here?” Saint stretches. The bed is massive and extremely comfortable. Not that it really matters, he would sleep anywhere with Shin.
“Yes, I don’t want to move,” agrees Shin. “Wait, Chadjen!”
“What about him?”
“Should we check on him?”
“Shin, he’s fine. They were all playing in the swimming pool, I’m sure he’s having fun and he’s definitely forgotten all about us.”
Shin sighs. “Can you at least text him to let him know we are sleeping in his parents’ room?”
Saint grabs his phone from his back pocket. “Done. Now hug me to sleep.”
He switches off the room lights and he is getting ready to enjoy the first sleep of his life with Shin in his arms, when the other boy tenses up.
“Saint”, he calls, alarmed.
Saint opens his eyes. “What’s wrong?”
“Do you think that Chadjen’s parents made him on this bed?” asks Shin, horrified.
Saint laughs so much he nearly chokes.