Chapter Text
Genji knew there was something off about his boyfriend.
Unfortunately, he didn't know what it was...
Genji sat with half-lidded eyes atop of Lucio’s unmade navy-blue bed, watching Lúcio pace frantically in front of him in the dorm-styled room, eyesight hindered by his visor, as sleep danced around Genji’s senses. Genji twirled a white metallic finger around the thick cord protruding from his abdomen, the HUD in his visor showing a slowly rising neon green battery bar.
Genji and Lúcio have been dating for about eight months now. Genji believes there are no secrets between the two men; the two spent a good portion of their time holding each other close and listening to their voices. The two talked about moms and dads, about families’ pasts, getting to know where they came from. Their hearts were on display, for both to see, to be welcomed with loving care and open arms. Anger, sadness, resentment, joy, hatred… these emotions and so many more are well-spoken friends between the two lovers. Whispered stories of childhood memories, past relationships, and inner turmoil were shared with the utmost attention, enraptured by each other’s biggest moments and smallest details of their lives.
Genji has no reason to believe Lúcio has been hiding anything from him. So whatever Lúcio is going through, whatever the oddities with his behavior are, Lúcio probably does not know it himself.
Genji first started noticing that Lúcio was prone to odd behaviors three months into their relationship. At first, Genji brushed off the abnormalities as an insignificant happenstance or a part of Lúcio’s infectious personality. However, Genji began to realize that there was… a recurrence… as well as a disappearance of certain behaviors over a stretch of time. A pattern, if you will. There were days when the Brazilian stood a little too close for comfort near his allies, enthusiasm drenched in his voice at inappropriate times. He spoke too loudly, too dramatically. Then immediately too softly. His words raced and tumbled from his lips, leaving others confused and dazed within the tumultuous, erratic storm of his thoughts. The man was easily irritated and impatient, expecting others to keep up with his accelerated lifestyle.
As Lúcio and Genji grew closer and spent more time together, Genji realized that there were other peculiarities that were present with Lúcio’s bountiful energy. Lúcio spent many nights awake well into morning, motivated by his own excessive energy. He would often forget to eat; it was as if his body needed no fuel source to keep moving. Lúcio started many musical projects and would leave most of them unfinished by the wayside, forgotten. He seemed like he could not concentrate, needing a new and exciting stimulus to focus his fleeting attention on. Lúcio had a ravenous sex drive, rebounding quickly after release; everything needed to be harder, faster. The man was insatiable, starved for release in any way possible. (Genji could not complain; he was happy to please Lúcio in whatever way that he could with the physical limitations of his body.) On top of all that was an overly good mood that never seemed to disappear, regardless of circumstances.
Just as there were times of grandiose for Lúcio, there were times where the sun was eclipsed by the moon. During these times, Lúcio’s seemingly overflowing energy was drained, leaving the man who defined exuberance as a pitiful shell of himself, barely capable of expelling enough energy to get out of bed and fix a meal for himself. Lúcio would hardly leave his room, much less his bed, for anyone, even Genji, unless absolutely necessary. It was as if Lúcio was hibernating, sleeping well into the afternoon and never fully awake. Everything exhausted him.
Lúcio’s smiles were forced, no creases, no light in his eyes, nothing. He either ate too much or too little; there was no in-between. His sex drive became nonexistent, nor could he derive pleasure from anything else life offered him. Nothingness. Emptiness. Lifeless.
If the perplexity of Lúcio’s behavior was not already bewildering, there were also periods of mixed behaviors scattered in between the clear highs, lows, and normalcy. Genji found these moods to be peculiar and quite maddening. He could only imagine the whirlwind of emotions that Lúcio must have been experiencing.
Genji’s eyelids began to stutter, fluttering as he struggled to stay awake for both him and Lúcio’s sake. Genji’s vision blurred; eyes unfocused as Lúcio pulled at his thick brown locks that whipped around his head with Lúcio’s haphazard, jittery movements. Lúcio was mumbling harshly to himself, voice rising and rushing out in waves, filling the room in a calamity of shuffling feet and the ramblings of a panicked man.
Genji’s eyes finally slid and stayed shut, his mind blanking as sleep claimed his body.
“Jiji?” Lúcio spoke suddenly, breaking the comfortable silence. Lúcio’s warm hands covered Genji’s own atop the shorter man’s stomach as Lúcio sat comfortably in between Genji’s legs.
“Mmm… Yes, Lú?” Genji said softly, voice unobscured by his visor which rested on the nearby nightstand alongside his air mask. His cheek rested on Lúcio’s head; the soft locks coupled with Lúcio’s heat made Genji’s eyes half-lidded with content.
A pause. “...My bones hurt…”
Genji blinked once. Twice. He became well too aware of the other man’s presence; Genji lifted his head, unable to hide the questioning, incredulous expression on his face. Luckily for him, Lúcio could not see it.
“Your bones hurt?” Genji tried to keep his voice neutral. He did not want to belittle whatever Lúcio could be feeling, regardless of its peculiarity.
“Yeah… My bones feel exhausted, like they are in pain… Almost brittle-like? Uh…” Another pause. “I know it’s not just a muscle because my whole body feels like this… And… I’ve had this pain for a few days…” Lúcio seemed to struggle to find the right words.
“Have you tried aspirin…? Tea? Heat pads? Maybe even talking to Dr. Ziegler?”
“Yes, yes, yes, and no. I’ve done every home remedy possible in the past when I’ve had this pain and nothing fucking works. I haven’t talked to Dr. Ziegler because it eventually goes away. I can’t help but wonder though…”
Genji hummed in thought. His mind reeled, trying to think of something—anything—to help Lúcio.
"I hope the pain goes away sooner rather than later.” Genji finally says after a stretch of silence. He hugged Lúcio tighter, hoping the contact will comfort Lúcio in ways the cyborg could not provide assistance with otherwise.
Genji exhaled, opening his groggy eyes.
‘A dream?’ He thought. ‘No, a memory… Yeah, a memory…’
Genji took in his surroundings. Lúcio could now be seen agitatedly tapping his foot as he stood looming over his computer, furiously typing something into a search engine. Lúcio was eerily quiet compared to his earlier behavior, save for the harsh clacking of keys and echoes of a metal prosthetic tapping shallowly upon the floor.
'I don’t know if this version of Lúcio is better or worse than before,’ Genji thought, ‘but it probably won’t hurt if I rest my eyes for a few more minutes…’
Genji closed his eyes once again.
"Lúcio, I want you to talk with Dr. Ziegler.”
“Why? What for?” Lúcio looked at Genji quizzically, baffled by the abrupt change in subject.
"You go through… these moods. I’ve noticed that you’ve been depressed several times in a few months. But you also have these erratic, high energy moods that seem, well, painful." Genji explained. "I’m only telling you this out of concern, you know. You may not always tell me what you are going through, but I can tell that whatever is happening to you isn’t something everyone experiences.”
“To be honest… I’ve felt a bit out of control at times,” Lúcio confided. "I don’t mean to worry you, but…”
“...But…?"
“I’m afraid. I don’t want to know if there is something wrong with me… I’d rather suck it up and grit my teeth than be branded like I’m some sort of freak. I don’t want to be taking pills for the rest of my life just to function like everybody else. Or worse. What if the medicine changes me? Like in a bad way? Like, I lose a part of myself or something? What if I can’t handle the changes I go through while on medication?” Lúcio spoke just above a whisper, voice trembling. Lúcio grimaced, his mind speeding through all the doomsday prophecies he knows all too well.
“Lúcio, I—”
“No, Genji. I’ve made up my mind,” Lúcio spoke firmly with no room for argument. “...Thank you for your concern, though. I appreciate it.” Lúcio added after a moment, feeling a bit of remorse for cutting off Genji when his boyfriend only had the best of intentions.
“Yeah… Yeah, sure.” Genji was not sure, though.
Lúcio made a strained, exasperated growl. Genji’s eyelids flew open at the inhumane noise that escaped from his boyfriend’s lips.
A sheen of sweat covered Lúcio’s body, contrasting the rather frigid temperature Lúcio set the room at an hour before. His whole body felt like it was accelerating, powering into overdrive. He felt out of control. His mind would not shut the hell up or stop for one goddamn second. His heart. Oh, his poor heart. It felt like it was going to leap outside of his chest and run a marathon FOR him. Shaking. He could not stop shaking.
“Oh. Oh, God. God. Just make it stop!” Lúcio thought. Well, he thought and also shouted; however, Lúcio only seemed to register his thoughts and not his actions at that moment. Tears began to form in Lúcio’s eyes, daring to overflow. He needed to end this. Now.
There was only one way how.
Lúcio bolted out of his room, slamming the door open and running at full speed down the corridor. Startled and roused, Genji hurriedly yanked his cord from wall and followed Lúcio’s panicked frenzy through the base.