Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Groot is gone.

Rocket can hear voices faintly but he’s hardly paying attention. He’s crying and he can’t stop. Groot’s gone, turned to dust right in front of him, so much the same way the last Groot did. And there was nothing he could do to stop it anymore than last time.

They were supposed to stop Thanos. That’s why he came out here to begin with. There was a lot he could lose. There was everything he could lose and he has no idea what happened to the others.

Is Peter okay? Or Gamora? Or Mantis? Or Drax?

Or are they all gone too, turned to dust like Groot?

(Gone like Floor and Teefs and Lylla.)

And it’s days that Rocket has to wait before he finds the answer. The others have yet to show up and no signal they’re trying to send out to the ship is getting through. They could be too far away. Maybe the ship was damaged and they’re stuck somewhere and just need rescuing.

But maybe they’re all dead.

All he can do now is wait for Carol to fly out to Titan to see what happened. There’s other people who were gone to Titan to who the Avengers are looking for – but Rocket can hardly care about that at all right now. He just needs to know what happened to his – his family.

It’s days before Carol returns. He runs outside with the others the moment they see her coming in with the Milano.

His heart is pounding and all he can do is wait as the ramp lowers. Someone is going to be gone. He knows that much. They can’t all be there. Half the universe was snapped. At least two more of them are probably gone. He’s not stupid enough to hope after already seeing both Groots die in front of him.

(Yes, he is.)

Only two people come off.

Some man and Nebula.

There’s no one else there. They’re all gone. All he can feel is numbness.

Nebula sits down on the edge of the ramp, silent and unmoving. He hasn’t seen her in a long time. They aren’t friends really and never have been but she’s Gamora’s sister and she must’ve been there when it happened.

He heard a bit about her from Gamora sometimes.

The only thing left of the family they half shared – if sharing Gamora can be counted as that – is each other. He crosses the field quietly, sitting next to her and reaching for her hand.  She takes it without a word.

He was just teasing Peter about how he was actually the captain. And now he is.

He almost misses seeing Groot’s stupid video games.

And Drax’s absolute weirdness.

And Mantis… ridiculous emotional manipulation jokes.

And even Gamora’s sharpness and being the sole brain cell half the time.

“You and Stark ruin the ship while I was gone?” Rocket asks. It falls flat. He can hardly think about joking right now.

“It’s a mess,” Nebula replies tersely, “We never thought we were getting off.”

“What happened?”

Nebula’s hand clenches reflexively. “We were the only ones left after Thanos was finished. The ship didn’t have enough power to bring us here.”

So they were stuck there, thinking they were going to die. It reminds him of the time he thought he was about to, alongside Floor, Teefs, and Lylla. They were going to be killed the next day. And they only had once change at getting out. He roughly shies away from the thought.

Rocket stands and Nebula follows him onto the ship. It is a mess, not that that isn’t always true. It feels like walking into a ghost of the past. Something that shouldn’t be the past. He wants to cry again. He almost thinks it hurts too much for that.

But he can smell the other’s lingering scents – thanks to being a racoon – so clearly, as though they were just here. Even if Tony’s and Nebula’s are a bit stronger because of how long they were on board.

Something breaks inside him and he’s crying again without meaning to. And now that he is, he suddenly can’t stop again. Nebula’s hand ghosts across the top of his head. She’s silent other than that. There’s really nothing to be said.

“You going to stay?” Rocket asks finally.

 He can’t imagine it if she doesn’t. He wouldn’t have – anything at all if she didn’t. But he expects she can say the same.

She only hesitates for a heartbeat. “Yes. But I’m still going after Thanos.”

“Me too,” Rocket says, viciously. He’s not going to let him get away with killing every single of his family. And then another thought occurs to him. “If he’s still got the Stones, could we do something?” He’s afraid to hope but if those things caused this, then…

“First we’ll have to find him,” Nebula says bluntly, “But we can track the energy readings from the stones. That’s a start.”

Rocket bounds after her, deeper into the ship. “Then what’re we waiting for?”

***

Nebula got used to being on this ship the weeks she was here with Tony. But it feels almost like she’s getting used to it again now that one of her sister’s friends are here too. She knew all of them only briefly but well –

They were family to Gamora. And that… means something, since she’s her sister. It means they’re friends to her on some level too.

Even if it doesn’t stop a deep running bitterness that they were the family Gamora chose, not her. At least not until later. It constantly felt like she was blindly reaching for her sister, just wanting to have one, because Midnight with her harshness and distance wasn’t someone Nebula could begin to see that way. But Gamora only seemed to care for pleasing Thanos and then she left, and she was somehow still Thanos’ favorite.

But that doesn’t mean Nebula doesn’t still care for the… guardians of the galaxy, or whatever insane name they chose for themselves. And Rocket is the only one left.

Because Gamora gave up the location of the Soul Stone to Thanos to save her. That he was able to succeed – is all because of that. She tried to kill Thanos to prevent that and she… failed.

And yet, Gamora was willing to let half the universe die to save her. All the times throughout when they were children, she never did anything for her until that. It means more than she can ever say and now she’s never going to see her again. That moment she left with Thanos is the last she’s ever going to. 

Rocket’s fussing over the equipment they have on the ship, trying to get readings on the Stones. There was a massive energy surge on Earth from the Snap but where the Stones are now, they still have no leads on.

Thanos never named the plant he was going to after his plans were over. Nebula can’t believe there was time she’d looked forward to that. To getting to be there with him and –

To maybe not needing to get something else ripped out of her, because there wouldn’t be a need for it anymore.

It’s late into the night now when she finally suggests getting some food, not that she wants to eat right now. Hasn’t cared to since the moment she realized she would never see Gamora again. She expects Rocket can say the same.

They go to the kitchen together.

Nebula’s gaze is drawn instantly to the picture stuck up on the refrigerator that she’s seen every time she’s come in here. It never stops hurting to see.

Rocket freezes, staring at it.

She could almost find it amusing that Gamora and Rocket are the sole one who’s who are smiling – though why Peter is crying in the picture, she has no idea. Drax also looks… ridiculous. And there is no way Groot has ever been that huge but it says enough about who drew a picture so sloppily.

It hurts unreasonably that it was something she never got to be a part of, but most of all she just cares that her sister is gone. And so are the rest. That picture is all that is left of them now, of what they once were.

Rocket looks like he’s about to cry again, but he doesn’t. She can’t tear her eyes away from the green girl who looks nothing like Gamora, but it’s literally all Nebula has left of her, too.

“Groot drew this?” she guesses finally.

Rocket nods. “He cut off my tail hair for it too.”

“That’s probably why you’re the only one who looks realistic,” Nebula can’t help remarking, “Groot wasn’t that big then, was he?” 

“No. He was still tiny. He stole Drax’s soup to draw him in purple.” Rocket seems almost amused for a moment but it’s fleeting. “And he let off a bomb. I still don’t know if he drew the picture to catch me in his trap.”

“Trap?” Nebula repeats.

“I fell into a hole and then got grabbed by his vines.” He looks some mix of grumpy and fond before it fades into misery again.

Hmm.

Sounds like they did a much better job at raising Groot than Thanos ever did. Not like that’s a shock.

There’s a long pause of silence as they both keep looking at the picture.

“If we can Unsnap, we can get them all back, right?” Rocket speaks up finally.

She wants to believe that. But – “No,” she corrects, “My sister wasn’t taken in the Snap. Thanos killed her when he went to get the Soul Stone.”

She doesn’t know why or what happened. But the fact is that she’s gone. And Nebula doesn’t know if that’s something they can change. Changing this at all feels almost unreasonable and like wishful thinking, as it is. And she’d prefer to be realistic when it comes to meeting a challenge like her father.

Rocket goes still. He’s still staring at the picture but then he flees from the room, without looking back. She can’t imagine eating anything after this conversation either.

She keeps thinking about the moment Rocket took her hand. She doesn’t know how to offer comfort. It’s never something she’s been given. But she goes to find Rocket anyway. He’s back in the room with the devices still running readings to find the Stones. And it still comes up with nothing.

Nebula sits down next to him. She’s the one who reaches very uncertainly for his paw first this time, and he takes it. She doesn’t know what to say but… there’s not much that can be said.

Chapter Text

At first, Rocket doesn’t know what woke him. His room on the ship is quiet, deafeningly quiet, in a way it never used to be. Once, he could always hear the sounds of either Groot scuddling around or playing that stupid video game, or Peter listening to his music, or any of the others moving around the ship when they really ought to be sleeping.

But they’re all gone now and it’s been weeks, but everywhere he turns, he keeps on expecting to see one of them somewhere but then they’re not, and all he can remember is Groot slowly turning to dust in front of him.

A distant scream echoes through the silence of the ship and Rocket jolts upright.

What –

Is that Nebula ?

He flies out of his bed instantly, scrambling for one of his guns and runs into the hall, half expecting to see them getting swarmed by attackers but then there’s just no one.

He goes into the bedroom that Nebula has. It’s the one Gamora used to use, because they didn’t have any spares that were never in use before.

But no one is getting murdered. Nebula is sleeping in bed, though she’s rolling around like she’s being attacked. Nebula lets out another strangled gasp, rolling over again.

Oh.

Nightmares.

He has those all the time. Always has, whether of when he was made into this thing that he is now or of someone in his last two families dying.

“Nebula?” Rocket calls, pattering up to her bed.

She doesn’t respond.

“Nebula?” he asks again, trotting closer to her and poking her arm.

She moves so fast he hardly sees it coming as she swings at him.

“Nebula!” Rocket yelps, dodging the knife that she just pulled out from under her pillow – is that where it was? – throwing it at him. He dodges and it clatters to the floor next to him. She’s sitting up now, breathing hard, as her gaze zeroes in on him.

“Rocket?”

“Nightmares?” he asks, because it’s pretty obvious at this point, “Yeah, that can be annoying.”

“I didn’t know it was you,” Nebula says, a bit uncomfortable.

“Yeah that happens with nightmares,” he waves her off, “Do you always have a knife under your pillow?”

“Most of the time.” She’s still breathing hard, clearly still shaken. “Say something,” Nebula requests after a heartbeat. She’s still panicking.

Rocket can smell it on her. He gets nightmares often enough to know what that’s like. “You know how to dance?” Rocket asks, mind jumping to the first thing he can think of.

Nebula stares at him. “ What? ”

“Peter did it a lot,” Rocket says, “He tried to make Gamora do it.”

Nebula scoffs. “Can’t imagine that.”

“She didn’t much. Drax thought he was an idiot.”

“Sounds like he was one,” Nebula says, though it sounds like she means it about as  affectionately as Rocket himself.

“Yeah. He kinda was.” And he’s beginning to regret bringing this up because now he’s  missing them all over again unbearably, not that he ever stops. He lost his second family again and now he’s afraid to know when the same could happen to Nebula. Because it’s happened with everyone else .

“What’s your favorite color?” Rocket asks, in case she needs a distraction too.

“Favorite color ?” Nebula repeats, like he’s insane.

“I don’t got one either. The others talked about it sometimes.”

She’s quiet, seemingly thoughtful. “Maybe gold,” she offers finally.

“That why you got… gold on you now?” He eyes the slight change in her headpiece. Stark has made some for her.

“Yeah,” her voice is a bit rough now, “That’s never something I picked before.”

…Right. Probably not something they should have jumped back to. He doesn’t know who she became a cyborg exactly but it’s not gonna be any more pleasant than it is for him. “Hey, why don’t we work on some bombs?”

Nebula follows him without protest.

***

Her entire body is stinging with pain and Nebula gasps against it. She hears the licking of mechanical parts – doesn’t quite know what it is that she’s lost this time. All she knows is it’s something else she’s never getting back. Never –

“Father,” Nebula rasps, eyes burning with tears even as she tries to hold them back. It hurts too much and she needs it to stop and if she shows it, it’ll only show for sure that she’s weak like she’s not supposed to be. forever weaker than Gamora, for sure. But this is too much and –

Thanos moves into her line of view, hand reaching to lightly stroke her head. “This is for your own good,” he tells her gently, “It will make you stronger. Better. When I was young, I had to fight for food. All the children of my home town did. And my parents would never did anything to help me. I will not let you share the same fate, daughter.”

That –

Makes sense?

Maybe.

She just wants it to stop hurting.

Thanos motions to someone. She feels something else get ripped out of her and gasps against it, squeezing her eyes shut.

And then music starts blaring out of literally nowhere.

Nebula jerks awake with a gasp, blinking in confusion at her surroundings. She’s half expecting to be back with Thanos or just somewhere else entirely than on the Milano because why is there music blaring?

Well, it’s certainly doing well at distracting her.

Memories of being ripped apart haunt her constantly. Of being suspended in mid air as Thanos had something else ripped out of her and replaced. As his hand gently stroked her head while he did it, as though that would make it any better.

And Gamora still did her best to defeat her every single time, just to have their father’s approval. And no matter how Nebula tried, it wasn’t enough. She was always just used as practice, for Gamora to be a better fighter. 

And no matter what Nebula did, Thanos would always only ever see Gamora.

At least the moments he was ripping her apart and putting her back together again, it was her he was finally giving attention. Though now, she doesn’t care for that at all. She just wants to have her sister back and she’s never going to see her again.

She also wants that music to shut up.

Nebula pushes herself out of bed, going in search of Rocket. He’s seated in the cockpit, poking at the volume controls on the music.

“What are you doing?” she demands.

“Wakin’ you up,” he offers cheerfully, waving a paw.

“Through blaring music ?”

“Well, seemed to work better than last time.”

That’s true. At least she didn’t nearly kill him this time. Seeing as that’s all she’s been good at all her life, it’s certainly a change. She doesn’t really know what to say to him, that… he’s even trying to do this. People don’t do that for her. No one ever has. Gamora did sometimes but it often didn’t help much considering that she was also responsible for so much of what happened to her.

Nebula knows she was just a child then. Just trying to survive. But so was Nebula. But she doesn’t want to dwell on that now, when she just wants her back.

“Thank you,” Nebula offers finally, because she thinks that would be the appropriate response.

“Seemed like the thing to do,” Rocket offers, a bit awkwardly, “You know, Gamora had issues with nightmares sometimes. Blaring music always worked on her.”

“Did she?” Nebula asks, stilling. She knows she did sometimes – they all did. Mostly, Gamora dreamed of her world being destroyed.

Nebula was almost too little to remember it. But that Gamora always wanted a different family than what she had and Nebula didn’t – at least not nearly as vocally – never changed that she was Thanos’ favorite.

“Yeah. She got really annoyed Peter kept on doing it.”

“I can see why. You can turn that off now.” But still, she’s grateful that he even paid enough attention to do it.

“That bad?” Rocket asks.

“Yes.”

He nearly cackles as he goes to flip through the music. “You get used to it.”

Though, the cheer he’s showing dies abruptly. She can only guess why. This was Peter’s and the ghosts of the Guardians of the Galaxy are still everywhere. They’re all that’s left and Nebula goes to sit next to Rocket, just… keeping him company.