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— 1.
“Are you sure you’re going to be okay?” Lucy Chen asks, her eyes wide with worry. She gazes up at Tim Bradford, her boyfriend of about eight months.
“Yes, I promise,” he reassures her, gently running his fingers across her porcelain skin. “Now go kick some druglord ass!”
In an attempt to bust an up-and-coming gang that was slowly taking over the streets of Los Angeles, Lucy was about to go on a deep undercover mission. The uncertainty was chilling to the bone, for her and everyone around her. Though, she was more worried about Tim than herself.
But of course, he has reassured her constantly and been nothing but supportive about her decision to take on this mission. So, she heads out of the station and says goodbye, not knowing how long it’ll be before she returns, if at all.
* * * *
The first few days of Lucy’s absence are slow, but tolerable for Tim. He’s mostly busy at work, and when he’s not, he’s taking scenic walks with Kojo, or sharing a quick meal with Tamara.
‘Maybe this won’t be so bad,’ he thinks to himself. Though, he’s unfortunately proven wrong.
After a week without Lucy, the late-night walks and routine dinners turn… well, boring. He misses the vibrant chatter that once filled the walls of his bare home, the socks she’d accidentally leave by his couch. Hell, he even misses her constantly complaining about his air conditioning setting, or the fact that he never switched his clock after the time changed.
Without Lucy by his side, life felt empty. Lucy was truly the shining rainbow after the thunderstorm, and it was raining like hell for Tim Bradford right now.
* * * *
Lucy, now two months into her undercover mission, had yet to return home. Tim had gotten to see her at sanctioned meetups a couple of times, and even managed another laundry room hookup, but it just wasn’t enough.
Every night seemed to be worse than the last; when he jolted awake from the nightmares, the vibrant soul that once filled the space next to him was nothing but a small indentation. He swore he could hear the extra chair at his dining table laughing at him, mocking him for the irrevocable isolation and loneliness.
“You’ve been off your game, Bradford,” Lieutenant Pine tells him one morning. “Something bothering you?”
Tim could not deny that he’d been underperforming recently; he knew that the sleepless nights were beginning to slow him down. But getting called out by his superior… Well, that was a wake up call.
“I’m truly sorry, ma’am. I promise that I’ll straighten myself out,” he tells her confidently.
“Good to hear,” Pine nods and heads to her office.
If Lucy knew how poorly Tim was handling her absence, she would be filled with an emotion somewhere between guilt and anger, both things that Tim would never want to inflict upon her.
So, he sucks in his stomach and does as his girlfriend would want him to; he resumes the life that had been on pause ever since Lucy left. It’s not that he’d forgotten about her or learned to live without her. It was more that he learned to live for her .
Instead of perishing at the thought of the unknown behind Lucy’s return, he used it to fuel him. He kept his home clean, just in case she were to return without notice. He saw every single one of his Metro cases through in hopes that word of his perseverance would make its way to Lucy, fueling her in her times of despair while undercover.
And while the nightmares hadn’t quite subsided (though he made peace with the fact that they probably never will), he reminded himself that there was nobody better for the job than Lucy. She was tougher than anyone would expect, and as much as he’d like to take credit for that, she truly walked in the door that way.
* * * *
“You know, Tim,” Angela says to her friend one day, “you’re handling this whole ‘Lucy being undercover’ thing a lot better than I thought you would have.”
“Thank you?”
“At first you were driving us up the wall for updates and had this… cloud of despair hanging over your head,” the detective continues.
Tim furrows his brow, but he lets Angela finish before making a comment. “But you really turned yourself around. What changed?”
“Well… Lucy did,” he tells her. “If Lucy heard that I was struggling, I know that she’d feel an unnecessary amount of guilt. I just- Lucy isn’t Isabel. And when I finally learned to accept that, it got a little bit easier to carry on without her. I mean, she would kill me if she heard that Pine called me out.”
“Damn straight,” Angela smiles. “Sounds like someone’s all grown up!”
“Alright, alright, I get it!”
* * * *
Since Lucy has been gone, Tim has learned to appreciate the rough nature of Metro operations. The need for tactical thinking and long shifts takes his mind off of the hole in his heart. And once he gets home, he’s often too tired to sit around and mope all night.
“Alright buddy, let’s take you on a quick walk so I can go to bed,” Tim tells his canine friend one night, especially exhausted from a physically demanding case. He has a couple of bruises and scratches that are throbbing across his arms and wants nothing more than to pop a couple of Tylenol PM’s and crash.
Kojo cooperates as his owner buckles the leash and puts on his shoes; but as Tim tries to head out the door, Kojo tugs away.
“What’s the matter?” Tim huffs as Kojo sniffs around the floor. He finds a pair of shoes and begins to bark incessantly, brushing his paws against them. Tim bends down to see what the fuss is all about: Kojo’s head is stuck in a pair of navy blue flip flops with rhinestones lining the edges.
These were of course Lucy shoes, ones that hadn’t been touched in over 3 months. Tim hadn’t thought to move them; they weren’t in the way and never really seemed to be a bother. But right now, Kojo couldn’t keep his paws off of them.
And watching his dog howl at the absence of his partner sets off an indescribable wave of ache through his body. His heart rate quickens, and it’s as if the temperature rises over 10 degrees.
Tim bends down and gently runs his hands across Kojo’s back. “Hey buddy, it’s okay.”
Finally, the dog’s cries stop, and he jumps up into Tim’s lap, burrowing his head into his chest. He’d watched Lucy cozy up to Tim in this same way about a million times before.
“Yeah,” Tim chokes as he comforts Kojo. “I miss her too.”
* * * *
It has been 4 months without Lucy; the days are long but Tim finds a way to make it through them. Dinners with Tamara turned into a regular outing; the pair took turns sharing their favorite memories with Lucy, some of which she had sworn them to secrecy over. Tim devotes the rest of his time to productive hobbies, like going to the gym or babysitting for the Lopez-Evers family.
He still stares at the photo frame of Lucy sitting in his office for a few seconds too long, but he’s getting by.
“Bradford!” a determined Nyla Harper calls out to him one afternoon, snapping him out of a sudden daze.
“What’s up?”
“Your girl did it,” Nyla tells him as she rushes across the bullpen.
“What?” A confused Tim follows her, though he doesn’t quite yet know where.
“Lucy did it. She got herself in the perfect position and took them out exactly how we wanted. She got them for every single charge we wanted them for,” Nyla huffs. “She’s on her way to the station now. Thought you’d want to know.”
“Wow.” Tim is astonished. Not by Lucy’s success, though; he had no doubt that she would make this a victory.
He can’t wrap his mind around what’s happening; the next few minutes are all a daze. He calls Pine and lets her know the situation; she happily instructs him to take the next day or so off without a second thought.
Lopez brings him to a small office where he anxiously awaits the arrival of his girlfriend; his foot taps against the vinyl consistently as his eyes wander off into the distance.
Tim isn’t sure how many minutes go by before he hears a soft knock at the door. It takes him a second, but he lifts himself off of the wooden desk and shakily places his hand on the doorknob.
He cracks open the door about 2 inches before the person on the other end swings it in full force. Before he knows it, his entire body is embraced in the arms of Lucy Chen.
For the first time in 125 days, Lucy’s sweet scent travels through his airways. Her hands are wrapped around his torso and her long brown locks are caught up in Tim’s hands.
“Hi,” she mumbles, though her voice is muffled by Tim’s t-shirt.
“Hi,” Tim whispers back quietly, his voice barely penetrating the heavy air surrounding them.
“I missed you so much.” There are tears rolling down his cheeks; he doesn’t bother to wipe them. HIs hands are preoccupied with something much more important.
“I missed you more,” Lucy mumbles back, and Tim chuckles, because that couldn’t be farther from the truth.
— 2.
“I can’t wait for dinner tonight,” Lucy Chen announces cheerily as her and Tim Bradford walk into the station.
Between the OT she has been slammed with and the brutal Metro hours, her and Tim rarely got to spend quality time together. Lately, they were lucky to even share a quick lunch by the food trucks.
“Yeah, about that…” Tim grits his teeth.
Great.
“Midnight shift apparently had a breakthrough on a case we’ve been watching over. Pine wants us to stake it out later, and she thinks it may run into OT,” he explains.
“Oh.”
“I mean, I could sit this one out if you wanted me to,” he suggests.
“No. no,” Lucy shakes her head. “That’s silly. We’ll just reschedule!”
“Are you sure, baby? I know that you’ve really been looking forward to this.”
“Of course, it’s not a big deal at all.”
As much as she wants for him to bail on the stakeout, she just flashes him an insincere smile and parts ways. Lucy isn’t mad at Tim, because she knows he can’t control his schedule. Hell, if it were up to Tim he would spend every minute of every day with her.
Going into this, they were both aware of their busy schedules and lack of free time; and whether they liked it or not, they had to learn to just deal with it.
* * * *
Lucy’s entire 8 hour shift goes by without a word for Tim. This wasn’t unusual: both of them tended to get wrapped up in their cases and ignore their cellular devices until the end of the day.
With nothing else to do, Lucy offers to stay back at the station and finish up some paperwork her and Celina had been working on.
“Are you sure you don’t need any help?” Celina asks for the millionth time, guilty that Lucy was taking on a dreadful job. “I can give you a ride back once we’re finished.”
“I’ve got it, but thank you,” she tells the younger officer. “I’ll see you back at the apartment.”
“Alright, see you at home!” Celina waves goodbye and leaves Lucy alone at her desk. With nothing better to occupy her time, she immerses herself into the files and papers sprawled out in front of her.
About an hour goes by without interruptions, until her phone lights up. Snapping out of her focus, she picks it up and stares down at the screen.
Tim: Hey, how’s it going?
Tim: You still at the station?
Lucy: Yeah, just finishing up some paperwork.
Lucy: Stakeout letting up anytime soon?
Tim: Doesn’t look like it.
Tim: I’m really sorry babe. Maybe you should head home.
Tim: Hate to have you waiting around for me.
Lucy takes a deep breath as she stares down at Tim’s message. She runs her hands through her hair before responding.
Lucy: Don’t worry about it.
Lucy: I’ll head home. Stay safe and keep me updated
Lucy: Love you.
Tim: Will do. Love you too.
* * * *
Lucy makes her way home shortly after, losing all hope of spending time with Tim. This happened a lot more than they would like to admit, but it didn’t get any easier.
As soon as she walks through the door she heads for the fridge and cracks open a can of beer. Celina emerges from her bedroom at the clattering of the bottles. “Hey, how did it go?”
“Fine, I finished it all pretty quickly,” Lucy tells her roommate.
“Oh, good to hear!” Celina is about to head back into her room, but she catches the sad look painted across her friend’s face. “Everything alright?”
“Yeah, yeah,” Lucy begins, but Celina shoots her a disbelieving look. Unfortunately, it was hard to get anything past Celina Juarez, so Lucy doesn’t bother putting up a front. “Tim’s working late so we had to cancel dinner. It’s not a big deal, I’m just a little disappointed, is all.”
“Oh yeah, you were really looking forward to that,” the young woman recalls. “That’s a real bummer. We can do something fun, like a girls night!”
“That’s very sweet,” Lucy smiles, “but we’ve had a long day. I think I’m just gonna call it a night.”
“Understood,” Celina nods. Now that Celina was officially a P1, her and Lucy rode together whenever they got the chance. And today, they’d had an extremely long shift with a few too many foot pursuits.
* * * *
With the clock nearing 11 p.m., Lucy takes a shower and cleans up her bedroom as she does after every shift.
She attempts to snuggle in under the covers and go to sleep, but no matter which way she’s turned, nothing feels comfortable. It’s too hot, but if she pushes off the blanket it’s too cold. The band of her flannel pants presses against her too tightly, but the second pair she tries isn’t tight enough. Nothing is right.
She turns to her left, staring at the empty space next to her. One that was usually filled by the presence of Tim Bradford. She attempts to take her mind off things by looking around her room, but pieces of her love are scattered everywhere. The picture frames, little notes left by Tim, his cologne and clothes he’d left behind. All throwing salt in the wound.
It wasn’t the fancy dinner she longed for; it was Tim. She didn’t care in what capacity, but she wanted nothing more than to be with him.
She misses the way that he gently scratches her scalp as she falls asleep, and the fact that he’ll wake up periodically throughout the night to kiss her on the forehead before falling back asleep.
She misses staying up for hours and just talking. Or on the more peaceful nights, just being with each other in silence.
Lucy Chen doesn’t know who she is without Tim Bradford.
* * * *
It’s now 2 a.m. and Lucy has been twisting and turning all night. When she’s lucky, she’ll drift off into sleep for 20 minutes at a time before being jolted awake once again.
She still hasn’t heard from Tim, and she’s becoming increasingly more worried. What if something happened?
She checks her phone, just in case anything interesting is happening on ClipTalk. But before she can make it to the app, a notification pops up on the top of her phone.
Tim: Hey. You awake?
She catches herself smiling at the name on her screen.
Lucy: Yep. Everything okay?
Tim: Yeah, we finally caught the guy.
Lucy: That’s great!
Lucy: Heading home?
Tim: Actually… I’m right by your apartment
Tim: I was hoping I could still stay the night
Tim: If you’re up for it, that is
Lucy: Yes, of course
Lucy: See you soon, babe
* * * *
Tim quietly knocks on the door about 5 minutes later; Lucy has already been waiting for him in the kitchen (though, she’ll never admit this).
“Hey ba-” she begins to whisper, but her words are cut off by Tim, who knocks the wind out of her with an extremely tight hug.
His arms wrap about her torso, pulling her in so tight that her heels are lifted slightly off of the ground. She feels the crinkle of plastic brush against her hair, but she’s unsure of what it is.
She doesn’t really want him to, but he eventually sets her down gently and pulls away. Now she can see the bouquet of flowers Tim is gripping in his right hand.
“What’s all of this?” she asks curiously, placing a hand on her hip as she furrows her brow.
“I felt really bad about having to cancel dinner, and I wanted to give you these.” As he hands the tulips to Lucy, she notices the cuts and gashes along his hand. She follows his sleeve up to his neck, then face, which all have bruises and scrapes scattered along them.
“Wh- what happened?” she asks as she grabs the flowers, concerned.
“Well, we got the guy,” he reminds her, “but at a cost.”
“And the cost being… bodily injury?”
“Yeah,” Tim sighs with a head shake. “I’m okay, though.”
Lucy chuckles to herself as she gazes up at Tim.
“What’s so funny?” he gruffs.
“It’s just that- you’re crazy!” she giggles, running her hand down his sleeved arm. She’s gentle, because she’s sure that there are even more gashes underneath.
“Excuse me?”
“You worked a 16 hour shift and got pretty injured, and you still managed to get me flowers,” she explains, gratitude lining her tone. “I just- I didn’t think it was possible to love you more than I already did. But I think you just proved me wrong.”
“I would do anything for you, Lucy Chen,” Tim smiles. He places a hand on her cheek, wiping the single tear along it.
“Thank you doesn’t seem like a strong enough phrase right now,” she whispers, her gaze fixed on the man looking down at her.
“You don’t need to thank me. You never need to thank me.”
“But I always will.”