Work Text:
For Blaze, his second eldest brother, Taufan, was incredibly brave. Compared to Halilintar, Gempa, or even himself, Taufan was the bravest of them all. He watched horror movies as if they were romantic fiction, even clapping in delight when a ghost appeared. Taufan was always the one to defend him when Halilintar or Father got angry. He was the one who held Blaze and Duri’s hands when they had to pass through a scary, deserted alley. He could sit alone in the living room waiting for Halilintar to come home. So, as far as Blaze could remember, Taufan had always been a brave figure.
It never crossed his mind that his brave brother could ever be afraid.
At that time, Blaze was still in the 8th grade. He had just come home from school with Ice. While Ice had already flopped onto his bed, Blaze chose to play soccer in the backyard.
In their backyard, there was a small building that used to be a storage shed for unused items. However, their father decided to empty it out and said they could use the place however they wanted. Now, it had become a storage space for Duri’s gardening tools.
When Blaze heard noises coming from the building, he thought perhaps a thief was hiding in their house or maybe an animal had wandered into their yard.
Even though he was scared, Blaze mustered the courage to check what was causing the commotion. He didn’t find a thief or an animal but instead found Taufan tidying up Duri’s gardening tools.
“Huh? Brother, why are you home already?”
Blaze was confused. Why was Taufan already home and not at school? After all, Halilintar, Taufan, and Gempa usually came home in the afternoon. Could it be that their school had let out early? But if that were the case, shouldn’t Halilintar and Gempa also be home? Why hadn’t he seen them when he arrived?
“I wasn’t feeling well, so I came home early,” Taufan said.
“Then why are you here? Why aren’t you resting?”
Taufan smiled, but for some reason, Blaze felt that his cheerful brother wasn’t truly smiling at all.
“It’s nothing. I’m fine now.”
Strange.
That word crossed Blaze’s mind, but he didn’t dwell on it. He invited Taufan to play soccer with him, but his brother declined, saying he had other things to do. Blaze didn’t think much of it at the time and let it slide. As he was engrossed in his game, Taufan suddenly called him over to help tidy up Duri’s gardening tools. Blaze thought it was odd because Duri never left his gardening tools in disarray. Still, he helped, even as he kept asking why Duri’s tools were messy. Taufan didn’t say anything in response to Blaze’s questions, seemingly lost in his own thoughts.
A strange day, Blaze thought.
The next day, when Taufan suddenly announced that he wanted to create a flower garden in their backyard, everyone was shocked. Blaze remembered that their father even scolded Taufan, saying strange things like, “Taufan, don’t be weird,” and “Think it through.”
Their mother also looked very sad, and Blaze didn’t understand why. After all, Taufan had only said he wanted to make a flower garden. Blaze thought they should feel confused by Taufan’s sudden desire, but instead, they acted like this. Why?
For over a week, their father and mother tried to persuade Taufan not to go through with his plan, but Taufan didn’t budge. Eventually, they gave up and let Taufan do what he wanted, even buying everything he needed—from tools to seeds and fertilizer.
Blaze still didn’t understand, but he thought Taufan just wanted to start a new hobby. Besides, this way, he wouldn’t have to listen to Duri rambling about his new plants. Now, Taufan would listen and accompany Duri. The two of them would get along.
During the creation of his flower garden, Taufan was often helped by Duri. Occasionally, Halilintar and Gempa would pitch in as well. Solar and Ice never helped Taufan plant flowers, but they would sometimes water them if Taufan didn’t have the time. So far, Blaze was the only one who hadn’t helped Taufan with his garden. As a good younger brother, Blaze thought he should offer his help to Taufan.
He did, and Taufan asked him to think about what flower he liked. Blaze didn’t understand. How could thinking about a flower he liked be considered helping? Of course, he asked Taufan about this, but his brother didn’t say anything else. Blaze was confused—he didn’t understand Taufan’s request, but he wanted to help his brother. So he asked Gempa and Halilintar. They were the closest to Taufan, so surely they would know what Taufan meant.
Unfortunately, even his two older brothers didn’t understand what Taufan meant. However, they were willing to help Blaze think about which flower he liked.
Blaze truly knew nothing about flowers. When Gempa showed him pictures of flowers from the internet, Blaze just picked one with a bright orange color.
When he showed it to Taufan, his second brother laughed and ruffled Blaze's confused hair. Why? Was his choice that bad? Should he ask Ice or Duri instead?
But then Taufan explained that Blaze had chosen perfectly. He said the flower Blaze picked was called a marigold.
"Marigold?"
"Yes. Do you know that marigolds are often nicknamed 'Sun Elixir' or 'Fire Potions'?"
"Sun Elixir? Why? Is it because of its color?"
"Yes. Its bold and intense color is believed to give courage to people."
Hearing Taufan’s explanation, Blaze smiled proudly. He didn’t expect the flower he had picked randomly to have such a great meaning.
"Blaze is very much like a marigold."
"Is it because I’m very brave?"
Taufan shook his head. "No, your colors are similar."
Blaze pouted, unwilling to accept that Taufan only compared him to the color of the flower he had chosen.
Blaze helped Taufan when his brother started planting the marigolds. He happily did so without Taufan needing to ask for his help. Blaze wanted to plant the flower he had chosen, and he hoped the flower he picked would grow well to decorate Taufan’s garden. Like the other flowers that thrived in Taufan’s garden, so he could brag to Duri and Solar that he also knew how to grow beautiful flowers.
But a day after he helped Taufan plant the flowers, he found Taufan curled up in the shed in the backyard. Taufan looked miserable, crying and scratching his arms. The shed was also in disarray. Gardening tools stored there were scattered on the floor, and the clay pots that Halilintar had bought for Taufan were broken, with shards strewn around Taufan.
Blaze quickly approached Taufan, but his brother scooted into the corner of the room. Taufan's eyes looked as though he had just seen something terrifying, even though it was just Blaze there. Blaze was scared something had happened to Taufan. He wanted to call Gempa or Halilintar, but Taufan grabbed his hand and told him not to call anyone.
All Blaze could do was stand in front of his brother, letting Taufan hold his hand. Blaze didn’t know how much time passed. When Taufan calmed down, he told Blaze not to tell anyone about what had happened. Although Blaze didn’t agree, he kept what happened that day a secret between him and Taufan. He didn’t regret keeping it a secret because it was Taufan’s request. But what he regretted was that he couldn’t help Taufan.
There were days when Taufan acted very strangely, but no one seemed to notice except Blaze. Or maybe everyone did notice but chose not to voice it. Blaze didn’t know which was true.
Usually, Taufan would start watering the flowers in the garden at 6:30 AM. But on days when he acted strangely, Taufan would water the flowers earlier and then start observing them one by one. Blaze felt an itch to ask Taufan. He wanted to know why Taufan always looked at his flowers with such a strange expression. A look of despair and sadness. Didn’t Duri say that Taufan’s garden was a magical garden that brought happiness to everyone who entered it? Then why did the creator of the garden look so sad being in his own creation?
After seeing Taufan behave like this multiple times, Blaze finally mustered the courage to ask. Taufan’s answer sounded nonsensical to Blaze.
"I wish the 'Sun Elixir' truly existed, Blaze."
What was Taufan talking about?
"I hope it exists. I really need courage right now."
Blaze didn’t understand. Why would Taufan need courage when he was the bravest among them all?
"I'm scared."
...
"Did you know that marigolds, which symbolize courage, can also mean despair?" Blaze said.
Ice, who was crouching beside him, shook his head and asked, "Since when do you know the meaning of flowers?"
Blaze chuckled. Honestly, he only knew the meaning of the flower in front of him. Some of it he learned from Taufan, while the rest he discovered on his own.
Blaze just wanted to know about the flower he had chosen—the meaning and how to care for it. He wanted to pour everything he could into this flower so it would always remain in Taufan's garden. So it would always bloom with its bold color and give courage to others.
Courage he couldn’t give to Taufan.