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Their trip to the Grand Canyon had gotten derailed more than once. In all honesty, it was hard for Remus to imagine Sirius hiking in the Arizona heat, but James had insisted on organizing a group trip as a belated twenty-first birthday present for himself. So, they booked rooms and made reservations for a July adventure—James, Lily, Peter, Mary, Dorcas, Marlene, Sirius, and himself. It was sure to be interesting.
After their flight to Phoenix had gotten delayed by five hours, they’d arrived and discovered that the RV they’d booked had gone to someone else. The one they were left with was sub-optimal. It smelled like it mildew, and the man working at the booth had emphasized that they should not drive over fifty miles per hour. Nonetheless, it was the only vehicle left that would fit all of them. The rest were made for six to seven people, and legally, the man said he could not rent those out to group of their size. He didn’t come across as a rule-follower to Remus, but beggars couldn’t be choosers, so Remus managed to talk the group—namely, Sirius and Dorcas—down as he took the keys.
With the amount of pit stops they made, it was a miracle they made it to the hotel that day, even if it was after two in the morning by the time they dragged their luggage to the check-in counter. The lodge was kitschy—taxidermied buck heads fixed to the walls, a low fire cracking in the hearth, and dozens of trinkets on every surface. It was not the place he’d normally choose, but it had its charm. And most importantly, a bed was finally in sight—and not one of the stained, lumpy ones from the RV that would’ve made Remus’s bones ache more than they already did.
“We had to give two of your rooms to other folks who checked in,” the woman behind the counter said. Her eyes flickered to Dorcas and Marlene’s linked hands momentarily before she continued. “Things sometimes end up getting juggled around during tourist season. We now have two rooms with a king, one with a queen, and one with two double beds.”
“We can do the queen,” Marlene immediately volunteered, missing a glare from Dorcas.
Which meant the double beds were left for him and Sirius, the only non-couple of the group. Remus had selfishly been looking forward to sleeping in the same bed at Sirius. At the boarding school, they’d occasionally done so several times after drunken escapades, Peter and James sleeping on the floor as Sirius’s legs and chest pressed against him despite the space left on his side of the bed. Once, they’d even kissed, though Sirius didn’t seem to recall it by the next morning.
Now, they hardly saw each other, having committed to colleges in different states. Most everyone else wound up in New York, so he’d taken the train into the city and spent the night before their flight with James and Lily.
Remus sighed. This trip—he decided—was cursed.
Exhausted after a full day’s travel, everyone quickly bid each other good night before checking into their respective rooms. Before the door clicked shut behind them, Sirius had tossed himself on a bed. He lay on his back, staring up at the popcorn ceiling, his hair in a black halo around him. Somehow, despite the day they had, he didn’t have bags under his eyes. It shouldn’t have been a surprise. Unlike Remus, he rarely did. Sirius slipped his hands under his head, weaving his fingers together. From this position, with the cropped black tank he wore, Remus could really see the muscles in his arms and the skin above the waistband of his jeans, a black trail of hair leading to—
He swallowed hard and set his attention toward his luggage before Sirius could catch him staring. With a sigh, he placed his suitcase on the floor and unzipped it.
“Did you see the way the woman in the lobby looked at Dorcas and Marlene?” Sirius asked.
So Remus hadn’t been the only one who had noticed it. “Yeah, I heard a lot of places around here are queer-friendly. Guess we chose poorly.”
“Bet she was relieved we weren’t sharing a bed.” Sirius laughed. Remus stared at the toothbrush in his hand and tried to laugh as well, though the noise got caught in his throat. Perhaps Sirius was relieved too.
“Yeah.” He stood, making a beeline for the bathroom. “Gonna get ready for bed.”
“You okay, Remus?” He heard footsteps behind him. A hand fell on his shoulder and squeezed. Remus did his best not to tense. At least he had the excuse of the long day they’d endured.
“Yeah, just tired.”
“That was quite the day.” Still, Sirius did not sound fully convinced.
Remus let out a noncommittal hum and did his best to avoid eye contact with Sirius in the mirror as he squeezed toothpaste out of the tube, onto his brush. After a moment, Sirius’s hand slipped from his shoulder, and he padded away.
Before long, Remus was ready to head to sleep, his clothes for this leg for the trip unpacked and put away in the closet and dresser. Meanwhile, Sirius lay on his stomach, remote in hand, flipping through the channels.
“Heading to bed?” he asked, turning the volume down on a commercial for a local business.
“There’s a long day ahead,” Remus said. He pulled back the covers on the other bed, feeling another twinge as he looked at the gap between their two beds. The heavy blanket of sleeplessness was feeding into his lack of filter. Remus squeezed his brow, took a deep breath, and laid down.
There was a click as the TV turned off. “Going to hop in the shower. I’ll turn off all the lights out here,” Sirius said. Remus rolled over on his back.
“Sounds good. Night, Sirius.”
“Night, Remus.”
Sirius gathered a few toiletries and a change of clothes. The room soon fell dark with the only light coming from the crack under the bathroom door. Despite the heavy exhaustion seeping under his skin, into his bones, Remus couldn’t sleep. No matter what way he turned, the second he closed his eyes, he felt restless.
Why now? he wondered. After years of wondering if something between him and Sirius was possible, why was his mind choosing this moment to fall apart? He rolled away from the bathroom door and ground his teeth together. “Idiot,” he muttered under his breath.
The shower turned off, and Remus’s breath hitched. Soon, Sirius would step out and get in the bed Remus was facing. He stared at the empty space in front of him, the space Sirius would soon occupy.
The door creaked open, and Remus closed his eyes. He deepened his breaths, hoping Sirius might think he was asleep. The room fell at last into total darkness. From there, he counted the seconds in his head, waiting to hear the rustling of sheets from the bed beside him.
But none came.
He felt the cold air from the air conditioner against his skin as the blanket of his own bed lifted, and then the mattress dipped slightly under the weight of Sirius’s body. Remus froze, his eyes slowly opening as he felt a cold leg press against him, followed by a torso against his back.
Sirius had no way of knowing he was awake. It would be easy to pretend, facing away, that he was asleep. To awake tomorrow and remark with surprise about the fact that Sirius lay in his bed—if Sirius didn’t switch to his own later in the night or wake before him, that was.
(The thought made his chest ache.)
“Sirius?” His voice broke through the silence before he’d even processed his own decision. Next to him, Sirius stiffened.
“Oh. I didn’t know you were awake.” There was a slight panicked edge to his voice. “I can go to my own bed or—”
Remus didn’t let him finish the thought. “Stay.” He leaned back into Sirius’s touch. When his heart pounded, Remus didn’t worry about it giving him away, for he was sure Sirius’s was pounding as well.
An arm wrapped around Remus, and a cold nose buried against the back of his neck. “Okay.”
This time, when Remus closed his eyes, he quickly drifted into a peaceful, dreamless sleep.