Chapter Text
The castle felt emptier than Felix remembered.
The absence of Pandora was a black hole; a missing piece to Felix’s life. When he lost his brother, it was better because he had his sister to help him through it. Even if the grief happened four years later and everyone else had expected Evan’s death, they still mourned with him.
Especially Pandora.
She was a rock in the violent sea; keeping him stable in such a dark time. Singing to him, making him his comfort foods, inviting him to come and help on some of her experiments. When Felix looked back, he realized he was mad at himself for not spending more time with her, mad at himself for not seeing how horribly dangerous these experiments were, mad at himself for believing that it was going to be okay.
The second worst part about this was the other students. They whispered every time Felix passed them; in the corridors, in the great hall, in the common rooms, everywhere. They never talked about him or Pandora to his face though. They always talked around him; they tried to be quiet and careful. They never were. They treated him as if he were a glass ornament waiting to break and shatter.
They wouldn’t clean up the broken glass.
They’d just talk about how it’s such a shame that such a good ornament was broken.
At least Charlie wasn’t like the others.
Felix had been friends with Charlie Weasley since the beginning of first year. It was an unexpected friendship, born out of both their love for dragons. Felix had discovered this when Charlie was reading Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them; Felix had been stunned when he found out it was a signed copy! They had talked for hours; that was until they found out it was past curfew and were promptly given a detention.
During the detention, which was cleaning the trophy room, they continued to talk of Newt Scammander, and Charlie told Felix how he even met him. They talked and talked, and it soon turned into them spending every moment they had together. Doing homework; they were together. Between classes; they were together. During the breaks; they were together.
Felix had never had a friend like Charlie.
Then Pandora died.
“Felix,” Charlie said one afternoon in the library, his voice low enough that only Felix could hear. Though he couldn’t see his eyes he could feel the worry in them. “You’ve been staring at the same page for twenty minutes.”
Felix stiffened and looked up at Charlie, his worry was more evident now that he’s looking at him. He looked so concerned. Concerned about Felix. “Maybe I’m a slow reader.”
Charlie raised an eyebrow. “You? Slow? Not likely.”
Felix sighed and closed the book. “What do you want, Charlie?”
“To help.”
Felix snorted, the sound bitter. “You can’t bring her back, and you can’t bring Evan back either.”
Charlie didn’t flinch; he just leaned back in his chair, crossed his arms, and tilted his head. His brown eyes were patient, calculated; deciding what best to say.“Yeah, I can’t,” Charlie finally replied. “But I can sit here and make sure you don’t drown yourself in that misery of yours.”
Felix glared at him, but there was no heat in it. He didn’t have the energy; he hadn’t had energy for weeks. Instead, he rubbed his temples. “You’re fucking insufferable.”
“Thanks.” Charlie said brightly; sliding a Chocolate Frog on top of Felix’s book. His hands were calloused heavily, from quidditch, Care of Magical Creatures, and other activities. It was oddly comforting seeing something so beaten up hold something so pure. “You’re not too bad yourself.”
Felix didn’t smile, but he did eat the Chocolate Frog.
The card was Newt Scammander.
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It was mid November, Charlie had become a second skin to Felix; there at every waken and resting moment. Charlie had taken it upon himself to make sure Felix always had company. This just so happens to include Felix practically moving into the other boys dorm and sleeping in the same bed, which did help a little, but it also made his stomach flutter. Somehow the two boys always manage to tangle themselves together by morning.
They also worked a lot on Care of Magical Creatures together. Felix loved the class, though a part of him felt like the class was now meaningless as he couldn’t send letters to Pandora asking for help or just to talk about what was going on.
One afternoon Charlie found Felix with some ashwinder eggs. Felix was holding them like it was a chore and a both instead of the exciting task like it should have been. Felix was being reckless, and he knew that, but maybe getting burnt will make him feel something. He could feel more than just embarrassment and grief; even if it was still a negative emotion.
“You’re going to burn yourself if you hold them like that,” Charlie said. He was basically standing over Felix at this point; arms crossed and a playful smirk.
Felix looked up, his dark eyes narrowing. “Thanks for the insight, Charlie. Very helpful.”
Charlie grinned; he knew that Felix always felt better after some light banter. “I mean it. They’re quick, and if you’re distracted—”
“I’m not distracted,” Felix snapped, but some of the ashwinder eggs slipped from his hands and made a slight explosion near his leg. It wasn’t enough to set fire to anything or harm anyone, to Felix’s dismay.
Charlie kneeled down to grab the rest of the eggs from Felix’s arms and put them in a dragonhing bag. He then turned to Felix and said, “Not distracted, huh?”
Felix rolled his eyes. “Don’t start.”
“Start what?” Charlie asked, feigning innocence; a cheeky shit eating grin on his face.
Felix sighed, but it wasn’t out of annoyance it was out of amusement. Hey that’s an emotion he hasn’t felt in a while; that’s progress, I guess. Probably better than burning yourself.
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Later that evening, as they sat by the fire in the Gryffindor common room. There were hardly any people; only a few scattered here and there. A few people playing chess, a few people studying, and the rest doing other activities. The fire was bright and hot, and the crackles were loud. The room was almost pure silence. This was mainly due to Felix being there and the others trying not to make him uncomfortable. The silence was honestly more unsettling than if they were gossiping.
The silence was broken when a large group of Gryffindors walked in loudly; talking about anything and everything, and Charlie knew it was a prefect time to ask the question burning in the back of his mind.
“Did Pandora like magical creatures?”
Felix froze; a statue, the words catching him off guard. No one yet to actually mention Pandora to his face. Very few people said they were ‘sorry’, and even said ‘for your loss.’
“She loved them,” Felix said finally, his voice quiet. You could barely hear him over the chatter of the others. “When we were kids, she used to sneak out to the forest to look for unicorns. Our parents hated it, of course. Said it wasn’t proper for a Rosier to play in the mud.”
Charlie grinned. “Sounds like she had the right idea.”
“She always did,” Felix murmured, staring into the flames. “She was one of the only people who ever truly understood me. She didn’t care about bloodlines or traditions or any of that nonsense. She just... loved.”
The words felt heavy on his tongue, but saying them out loud made his chest feel a little lighter.
“I think she’d be proud of you,” Charlie said softly.
Felix turned to him, surprised. “Proud? Of what? Sulking around Hogwarts, snapping at everyone who tries to talk to me?”
“Of surviving,” Charlie said simply; his voice very calm. He puts a hand on Felix’s leg. “Of not letting the pain swallow you whole.”
Felix wanted to argue, to push Charlie away, but the sincerity in his voice made it impossible. For the first time in months, Felix felt like someone saw him—not the broken boy everyone whispered about, but the person he was trying so hard to hold together.
The realization left him breathless