Chapter Text
Ochako has made a lot of mistakes in her life, it was a given for anybody traversing the rocky waters that was life, but no other mistake she had made hurt her more than that fateful day she decided to let Deku go.
That fateful day she had so idiotically decided he wasn't enough for her, he wasn't strong enough to protect her, he wasn't everything she needed and more.
Instead, she had chosen Katsuki Bakugou. The same Katsuki that had tormented Deku for a majority of his childhood, the same Katsuki that could never seem to remember anybody's name despite knowing his classmates for years.
She especially knew how awful her now husband had treated her first love. Deku had told her─and only her─the full story, told her everything that Katsuki was too prideful to tell her himself.
Deku had trusted her, opened up about his worries, insecurities and everything to her. Letting her see a side to him that was less cheerful, less sunny.
Only for her to betray him in the end...
That day, when she had turned him down─making the rejection harsher than it needed to be─he didn't even flinch, cry or let his face betray any emotion. The only thing she saw was his beautiful smile falling into a thin, pursed line.
He didn't look surprised but Ochako could see through it, she could hear the way his heart slowly shattered and it took everything in her to not cry, take it back and run into his arms, tell him it was all just a cruel joke. Maybe─just maybe─that's what she should've done, she should've immediately taken the dagger out the moment she had shoved it through his battered chest.
Till this day, his silently pained face haunts her...
Even her friends had been utterly confused. They had always thought her and Deku were endgame, until Ochako decided to let her fears get the best of her and she ruined it all with just a few words.
Everyone had tried so hard not to hate her and Katsuki─who had abruptly broken up with his girlfriend─for their decision. They tried their hardest to understand, to see where the two were coming from, to get why they left what was right in front of them for each other instead.
But they just couldn't. They couldn't get it, they couldn't understand and they sure as hell couldn't stop themselves from hating the couple every waking moment for it.
She couldn't really blame them either, she would hate herself too, not like she didn't already anyway. She had nothing to justify what she did, even the useless reasons she had given a flabbergasted and livid Mina back then still didn't make sense to this day.
She wanted stability.
So she chose the guy that had as many red flags as he had spikes in his hair? Saying Katsuki was more stable than Deku sounded like a cruel joke, with the blonde's aggressive tendencies and too-much-to-handle personality, Ochako only had herself to blame.
Heck, he had a hard time remembering her fucking name after two years of marriage!
She had told herself that a future with him was much more clear, much easier to imagine, yet here she was regretting every decision she's ever made. In fact, she had simply lied to herself, a future with Deku was as clear as river water, she could see it─dreaming about it even while married to another─she could see their magical wedding day, their future children, their future house, she could see how it would all play out when she was with him.
Ochako wanted to take it all back. She wanted a second chance, another try to end up with Deku instead. Even if that meant traveling back to the past, she would do it.
While with Katsuki, she would always wait for that big moment. That moment where it would all click and the spark she felt with her first love would replicate itself with him. She waited for the moment his piercing red gaze would ignite the dormant fire in her heart, just like Deku's soft green gaze had done to her.
She held her breath for that satisfying moment when his rough hands against her skin would make pleasant goosebumps rise, just the way Deku's calloused yet gentle caress made her feel.
That moment never came though. It never came at their first kiss, nor did it present itself the first time he had taken her as "his", not even on their fucking wedding day. It was like an itch only Deku could scratch, left to taunt her for the rest of her miserable life, only because she chose the wrong path─because she made one mistake.
She tried to pretend everything was fine, even at the horrid excuse she had for a wedding, she smiled through it and pretended everything was fine.
She smiled through the painfully uncomfortable demeanor of her friends, smiled through how they hated that the two were getting married, smiled through how both her and Katsuki's parents seemed to not be too ecstatic about the ceremony─unintentionally bring up Camie and Deku every other second─she even smiled through the pain of Mina straight up saying she wasn't going to even bother showing up for the wedding.
Ochako:
So you're not coming at all...?
Mina:
No I'm not Ocha, stop trying.
Unless ur actually getting married to Izuku and Katsuhoe is getting married to Camie, then I'm not interested.
Ochako:
...
Oh okay, I get it.
Mina:
No u don't
If u really did get it, u wouldn't have given up on Deku.
It had hurt, all of it had hurt but she powered through it─she'd fallen too deep into her own shit to turn back anyway.
But what had hurt the most that day was seeing Deku and Camie's faces at her wedding. They had shown up, for God knows what reason, and Deku looked at her with spiteful indifference, like he truly did not care she was getting married to another man. It hurt her heart, rebuilt the broken shards just to have them stomped on all over again. And for the first time that day, her practiced smile faltered and tears threatened to spill down her cheeks for all the wrong reasons.
Then, her chocolate brown eyes trailed over to Camie who had caught her gaze. The woman had looked at her with a sad smile, as if congratulating her on her wedding─her victory─telling Ochako she had been successful in stealing the love of her life, in stealing the one man Camie genuinely wanted to spend the rest of her life with.
Ochako didn't feel like a fucking winner...
And once her wedding day passed, she never spoke or saw Deku ever again. No matter who she had reached out to or whatever number she had tried to use to get in contact with him, she couldn't get a hold of him, Deku avoided her like the black plague. The rest of her friends knew how he was doing but refused to tell her anything, Tsuyu being the closest to him ever since things had hit the fan─she always knew how Deku was doing.
"She was basically my replacement..." Ochako thought bitterly.
But she? She had been left in the dark. She didn't even know where he was for fucks sake! And no one would tell her, it didn't matter how much she asked or begged.
Her sad excuse of a life she regrettably shared with Katsuki was crumbling ever so carefully before her eyes. They got into more arguments, barely showed any affection towards each other, it was like they were two strangers forced to share a home.
His touch made her recoil, his presence irked her to no end. She's tired of pretending, she's tired of acting like this is truly what she wants.
They don't love each other, their hearts belong to two completely different people.
She can't take it all back, neither will he ever forgive her, but was it so wrong to want to see him again...?
₊• ⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨୧₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹ •⁺
All it took was one little slip up from her friends and Ochako had finally made her wish come true.
Her, Tsuyu, Momo and Kyouka had all agreed to meet up that afternoon at a quaint café, just to catch up and talk about how the now adult classmates were doing at different stages of their lives.
Ochako was ecstatic, her usually hollow shell glowed with happiness, any excuse to get out of her cold, lifeless excuse of a home was welcomed with open arms.
The get-together was going along smoothly, the four women keeping their conversation flowing naturally as the brunette skillfully avoided any questions about her husband or marriage.
For a moment, Ochako had even forgotten all was not well with the world, for a moment she forgot her life was an utter shit show. She just let herself be in the moment, enjoy the company of her friends since they didn't completely hate her.
In fact, she wasn't really paying attention, lazily poking around on her phone until─
"By the way Tsu, how's Izuku doing? I haven't gotten the chance to call him yet"
Hearing his name come out of Momo's mouth made her practically freeze. She wanted so badly to ask where he was, ask how he was doing, ask if she could meet him but she knows she'd get shut down if she dared.
So she held her tongue, remained impossibly still, held her breath waiting to get an answer to her gnawing curiosity indirectly. She acted like she wasn't listening, like she was too focused on her phone to care about the hushed conversation between her friends, she just wanted to know.
And after a painfully long beat of silence, Ochako's efforts finally paid off.
"He's doing good *kero*" Tsuyu answered, not before checking if the brunette was listening, "he keeps bothering me with questions on how you are" she giggled lightly and Ochako felt just a little jealous that the two were in such close contact.
Momo smiled with a playful sigh, "I'll make sure to call him at some point then, I don't mean to make him worry" a quick sip of her tea, "Do you think he'll be free any time this week? Would be fun to plan something, no?"
The green-haired woman just shrugged, "You'd have to ask *kero*. But he did say he was going out tonight, to the new bar that had just opened *kero*"
"Ooh, new bar?" Kyouka finally joined the conversation, putting the boring magazine she was reading down on her lap.
Tsuyu willed herself not to roll her eyes, "Mhm, *kero*, it opened not too long ago in District 8. Too bad I can't join him, I'm most likely going to be on patrol tonight *kero*"
And that was all Ochako needed to hear. It was all she needed to quench her burning curiosity, her one desire to finally see him will finally be satiated after all this time.
Was it a little creepy? Yes.
Did she care? No.
And so, instead of spending her slow night with her husband─that would most likely not be home anyway─she was out, preparing herself for the worst as she stood before the entrance of the bar Deku would allegedly be at.
She slipped in with relative ease, making her way through the substantially crowded area, looking for the iconic head of green hair that took her breath away, the same hair that looked so soft to the touch.
Her search had gone on for quite a bit and she was so close to giving up until her round, brown eyes finally caught Deku's figure.
He was dressed casually, broad shoulders relaxed as he sipped the drink the bubbly bartender had slid over to him, engaging in a light conversation with a man sat next to him. He had his back turned to her but she didn't need to see his face to know he was smiling, happy, content...almost free.
Ochako froze up, her heart beat speeding up. This time, it didn't feel good, it wasn't the excited pitter-patter that happened back then. This time, it was a heavy beat, a heavy dread to see his now mature face─a reminder of what she could've had─would turn to disdain the moment he laid his eyes on her.
Deku was a forgiving person─overtly so, sometimes─but there was no way, even after years, he would be able to forgive her.
So, why exactly was she here?
Maybe she just wanted to entertain herself for a night, allow herself to feel something─anything─fix the large cracks she had made, better late than never she guessed.
She didn't want the life she had so stupidly chosen for herself, she just wanted him. She wanted him to be the one to kiss her, hold her, whisper sweet nothings into her ear as she cuddled against him. She wanted his love, not the "love" of a man who was clearly still hung up on his highschool ex-girlfriend.
"...D-deku...?" her voice was so quiet, so slight and Ochako hoped he didn't hear her, hoped her voice was too soft to be heard so she'd have a second chance to maybe run away, to flee.
But he had heard her, loud and clear.
At first─just from the sound of her exhausted voice─he didn't recognize her and Ochako's heart shattered all over again. Whereas before, he knew everything about her like the back of his hand, now he had forgotten about her entirely, erased every memory of her from his mind to put himself at ease.
She couldn't really blame him, but it still hurt to think about...
Once he turned to face her, the light smile on his face instantly vanished, staring at her with a mix of shock, apprehension and...disgust.
"...Ochako...?" at least he remembered her name.
She froze up, words dying in her throat. She didn't know what she was going to say, she never thought she'd even get this far or she'd even see him ever again anyway. And now, when she was given a chance─another try─she didn't know what to say.
"H-hey, glad to see you're doing alright. It's been a while, hasn't it?" she tried to laugh but her voice wavered, almost like she was trying her best not to burst into tears and in a way, it was true.
Deku just studied her with a deadpan expression, his scarred face no longer easy to read, she didn't know what was going through his head. His now vacant green eyes scanned over her, from the fading scars littering her arms, to the dark circles under her eyes─she admittedly never got a lot of sleep nowadays.
"What do you want, Ochako?" he finally asked, all the warmth he used to use with her was gone, he didn't even bother entertaining her useless pleasantries. And really, why would he even bother?
The brunette just sighed, slinking into the bar stool next to him, silently glad he didn't chase her away or just up and leave the moment she sat down.
"We haven't talked in years Deku─"
"Don't call me that" he cut her off plainly, moving the glass of amber liquid to his lips for a quick sip.
Ochako felt like he had slapped her across the face, "W-why?" maybe the question was a little tone deaf, maybe she just wanted to believe she hadn't ruined things to this degree but supposedly, that's what she gets for being delusional and unrealistic.
Izuku just rolled his eyes at her─the first time she had ever even seen him do that─confirming it was indeed a stupid question to ask, "You of all people know how I got that nickname in the first place but I let you use it because─back then─when you used it, it didn't sound demeaning," he let out a breath and averted his eyes, a chip on the shiny wooden countertop suddenly becoming the most interesting thing at the moment.
"It sounded nice whenever you used it," he continued, "your voice was sweet, soft and I always loved hearing you call my name─even if it was to scold or tease me" he chuckled lightly, at least the fond memories didn't haunt him the way they haunted her, "That is until you decided you didn't want me anymore, the day you decided you didn't love me the way I had loved you"
A lump quickly formed in her throat as tears began pricking her eyes. She did want him, she always had and she always will. She loved him more than words could even describe but it was a little too late for that, she was married and the love they once shared was now burnt to utter ash on his end.
"That's not t-true..." her voice instantly cracked and she had to swallow hard to keep the tears at bay, "I loved you then and I still love you now"
It was a reach, even she knew that, but she had to say it. She's kept everything bottled up for years and Ochako's sick of lying─to him, to herself─she was sick of skirting around her true feelings. So, she might as well blurt out the truth, even if the result she gets isn't the prettiest.
As expected, Deku just scoffed, "Strong words coming from a woman who's married," he laughed dryly, tone condescending and mocking. He wasn't buying it and honestly, why would he? "I don't know who you think I am Ochako but if you think I'll ever believe anything that comes out of your mouth ever again, then you're gravely mistaken"
She should've known that and really, she's always known at the back of her mind. Deku may have been kind, soft spoken, passive in most situations but he was no pushover. He'd grown past that, he'd grown past being used as a mat for others to just step and trample all over, he'd grown past being a useless piece of paper that was always discarded and forgotten about.
He'd grown past caring about her.
"I know, I just..." she felt stuck, she didn't know what to say. No matter what she told him, Deku's heart ache ran deep, he would probably never forgive her, just like how she would never forgive herself.
Deku let her ponder, turning his head away to take a quick swig of his alcohol. As she was left with her own thoughts for a mere second, she debated lying to him about her marriage with Katsuki, maybe tell him they had actually gotten a divorce but it would obviously fix nothing.
A divorce was coming though, that part was inevitable.
"I think I just wanted to see you again, no one would tell me where you were or how you were doing─"
"─I wouldn't want you to know anyway"
She just laughed, unable to mask how much his words hurt, "I know. My life is just a train wreck...I probably won't even be married for much longer anyway"
He didn't question her, didn't ask what she meant by what she said─he was smart, he had probably already figured it out on his own. He didn't seem to care still, leisurely sipping on his drink, body completely relaxed.
"Your life is a train wreck and that's my problem, how?" he turned to look at her tired, teary eyes, "I wasn't responsible for any of the bad decisions you've ever made now, was I?"
"No you weren't" Ochako pursed her lips before giving him a wobbly, sad smile, "but letting you go was the worst decision I've ever made..." her words were a whisper, breathy and a little wishful.
Deku's entire body stilled, the closest thing she's gotten to a reaction out of him so far. Did she hit a nerve or pull the right string? She didn't really know, he was harder to read as an adult.
"Well, Ochako," he started, voice lowered as his jaw clenched. She leaned in a little, hanging on to his every word, "loving you was the worst decision I've ever made..."
Ouch.
If her heart wasn't completely and utterly shattered before, it sure as hell was now. In fact, it was completely and utterly grinded to bits, "Wow," she choked on a sob, hot tears now free falling, "that hurt..."
He finished the remnants of his amber liquid, placing the empty crystal glass on some money, making a move to get up and leave before he looked down at her quietly crying form.
"Now you know how I felt that day you rejected me" he quipped coldly, soon leaving her alone in the crowded bar but it didn't feel crowded, all the sounds of chatter and music faded to nothing as she continued to cry.
She felt truly alone, whatever hope she had was crushed, whatever dim light there was at the end of the tunnel was now gone.
Some mistakes just can't be mended...