Chapter Text
Usually upon receiving bad news, people report feeling a sinking pit in their stomach, almost akin to nausea.
When Hiromi Higuruma was told that he was to be transferred to his law firm’s rural branch in Hiroshima, he felt rather weightless. He was disconnected from his body, floating above himself, tethered only by a thin gold strand at the navel. He could have floated even higher to leave it all behind, but alas he was stopped by the ugly spackle ceiling in his boss’ cramped office. From here, he could see that the hair on the back of his head was uneven; he should have gotten a haircut on the weekend. Funnily enough, this bothered him more than the obvious demotion that his boss was so graciously informing him of.
He saw himself stand up and bow deeply at his direct manager. “Thank you for informing me Fuyui-san. I will begin preparing for the move immediately. Your mentorship has been much appreciated.”
Higuruma’s other body bowed again and left the meeting room, heading towards his desk. He sat down and began carefully sorting through his desk. There wasn’t much to go through, as he wasn’t the type to bring any trinkets or knick-knacks to work. He saw himself leaving behind the supplies that belonged to the office and noted that the only things he was bringing were his travel mug, laptop, and notebooks.
“Hey Higurama-san… I heard the news. How are you feeling?” Higurama looked down to see Iwata, the office administrator peeking around his cubicle wall. He always thought she was cute, although from this angle he could see that there was a piece of toilet paper tucked into the back of her skirt. She was well-liked in this office for being pretty and quick at her tasks, although sometimes Higuruma thought that she should refrain from using her extra time to gossip in the coffee room. But he was fond of her since he once saw her feeding a stray cat that loitered near the smoking area of his office.
“I’m fine. Grateful for the opportunity to see a new part of Japan, I suppose.” God, that sounded pathetic even to Higuruma’s own ears. He didn’t have to look at Iwata to know that she was wincing in her characteristically sympathetic way.
“That’s very optimistic of you, Higuruma-san! I know that you’ll do well no matter where you go. I wanted to stop by and give you this box for anything you’re moving out of here.”
“Thank you very much Iwata-san. I truly appreciate it.” Higuruma saw himself taking the cardboard box from Iwata and placing his three items carefully inside. A moment passed as Iwata slowly realized that the clean out process was already completed, and scurried to cover for any awkwardness.
“Of course, you’re such a minimalist! I never realized you didn’t have any family photographs on your desk, it looks so clean. I will also try to emulate this aspect of you.”
Higuruma felt that the forced concern was starting to grate on his nerves. He wanted to close his eyes and be done with it all.
“Iwata-san. Of course I don’t have any family photographs. I’m almost 40 with no marriage prospects, my parents are dead, and I don’t have any siblings. Family photographs? Wouldn’t I need a family first?”
Hmm. Higuruma thought that was an awfully rude thing to say to a colleague who was only trying to be positive in an unfortunate situation, but once again he could not find the strength within himself to be weighed down and stop himself from saying these things.
“I’m so sorry Higuruma-san! I didn’t think about your personal circumstances, I apologize.” Higuruma saw Iwata bow deeply. He didn’t have to take a peek to know that she must be blushing from embarrassment. He always liked when he could see a pink undertone in a woman’s cheeks - the deeper the better. He saw that same shade of pink in her cheeks that day when she was feeding the cat in the November rain. With that image in his mind, he sighed and began winding in the strand that connected him to his other self. Upon resuming the weight of caring, he took a deep breath and forced a smile at Iwata.
“No. My apologies, Iwata-san. I snapped at you for no reason. Thank you for your help and I hope to see you again someday.”
He turned to leave, his legs heavier than he had ever known.
Once he reached the office doors, he heard Iwata cry out to him. “Higuruma-san! Good luck! I hope you enjoy your time in Onomichi.”
He turned to see a lovely smile on the pretty girl’s face. This time, his smile was genuine.
“I think I will. I’ve always loved the ocean.”
Higuruma collapsed on his futon without rolling it out properly. He could manage to get it flat if he wriggled around and pushed out the edges with his toes, but as he was holding a can of beer at the same time his movements were limited to avoid spilling. After some maneuvering, he got into a comfortable position to sip his beer while looking out his balcony.
He rather appreciated the weightlessness from earlier. Now, he felt a bit like his body was too heavy to hold up. He let his head tilt onto his shoulder and his eyes drift downward focusing on a spot on the wall where the paint was flaking. Even the effort of glancing upwards to the Tokyo skyline just outside his window was too much for him.
If he was being honest with himself, this feeling was not about the effort it would take to pack up and move to Onomichi. It was not about how he had to say goodbye to Tokyo, a city that had carefully molded him into what he was today. It was not even about how he realized he didn’t have anyone to say goodbye to. It was more about how he was effectively demoted - despite dedicating every waking hour to his career, choosing to sacrifice relationships and friendships time and time again.
And he could not find it within himself to care. He never knew that apathy would feel so heavy in his chest.
He certainly did not feel the drive to work hard in the rural branch to get promoted back to headquarters in Tokyo. He knew deep in his heart that once he boarded the JR train to Onomichi, he would not be returning for quite some time. He sipped his beer, tossed the empty can into the trash can, and let his head loll onto the floor. This position would surely cause pain in his neck tomorrow morning. But that was going to be a problem for the Higuruma of tomorrow, he told himself. Today, he did not care about anything at all. That knowledge caused him to choke out a sob as he closed his eyes.
As his minimalistic habits extended to his apartment as well, the moving process went very smoothly and before he knew it, Higuruma found himself ready to unpack all his worldly possessions in his new apartment.
His company had secured his new accommodations and would be paying the first year of rent. Higuruma was a seasoned employee; he knew that meant they expected him to be working in this location for the next five years at least.
His accommodations were admittedly very nice. It was the entire second floor of a condo overlooking the ocean. The sound of the crashing waves would certainly lull him to sleep most nights. While the accommodation was on the older side (he’d have to re-caulk the windows before winter to avoid cold air from seeping through), it was spacious and freeing. Two bedrooms (the second for who?), a bathroom with a spacious tub, and tatami flooring in the living room. He really couldn’t have asked for a better place. Compared to his tiny Tokyo apartment, this was a breath of fresh air.
He hated it so much he wanted to trash the whole place and run into the ocean.
Unpacking could wait another day. He sighed, and threw his backpack onto the couch. He filled the bathtub with water, looking silently at the running faucet the whole time. He sank into the water without taking off any of his clothes. He wasn’t able to drown himself in the ocean, so he would settle for the next best thing.
He looked up at the ceiling as his wet clothes weighed him down to the bottom of the bathtub. He heard the sound of the water sloshing onto the bathroom tiles as the water started to overflow. Peeking his face above the water, Higuruma took a deep breath and pushed his head against the edge of the porcelain tub to keep it above water.
Higuruma was filled with some apprehension at the blank road before him. He did not know where his life was going and was struck with the distinct possibility that he would work for a few decades in this small town and die in this exact apartment without having accomplished anything meaningful.
Higuruma pushed himself out of the tub. Standing in front of the washing machine, he took off his dripping clothes and started a cycle.
“I should start unpacking,” he thought to himself as he collapsed onto the couch and fell asleep.
Higuruma woke up to seagulls squawking on his balcony. So much for the sound of gentle waves as a lullaby.
He craned his neck to check the time on the microwave. 4:53 A.M. He had slept almost 13 hours.
He pulled himself off his couch and opened his suitcase to find his college t-shirt and a pair of shorts. The t-shirt was a bit too narrow for his frame now and had an embarrassing hole on the armpit, but whenever he wore it, he remembered freshman week of college during an unusually warm September when he had his first kiss. He was shaking and he didn’t know what to do with his hands, but when it was all done and he looked into the girl’s eyes, the smile that reached her eyes bloomed something lovely in his heart. He clung to that feeling throughout all of law school.
Yawning, he scratched his chest and started unpacking, careful not to make too much noise so as to not disturb his first floor neighbours. No one would be awake now; the sun hadn’t even begun to rise.
Toiletries first. Clothing all folded and put away. Shoes in their pairs set near the doorway on a clean mat. His workstation on the desk in his room. The meager kitchen supplies he had to his name in their place.
He heard the sound of the laundry cycle being completed, and moved to cross the room so that he could hang them up to dry. He checked his phone for the weather. It was to be a cool 25 °C, with a mild breeze from the ocean. The ocean smell might be nice on his clothes, Higuruma thought, and dragged his laundry rack to the balcony.
As he hung his clothes, he looked out to the ocean and tried to feel something. Normally, the ocean filled him with calm, reminding him of the long and slow days he spent with his mother visiting her family in Hokkaido. But now, the dark waters and pale beaches didn’t do anything for him other than-- holy shit was that a body on the beach?
Higuruma did a double take and leaned over the balcony railings to get a better look.
Fuck. That actually was a body on the beach.
What was he supposed to do with a dead body? Was he supposed to call the police? Should he scream? When was the last time he even talked? If he screamed now he would probably sound like one of these obnoxious seagulls flying around his head.
He found himself racing down the stairs to the ground floor and ran towards the beach. The sun was just beginning to rise and the light was illuminating Higuruma’s way as he sprinted towards the body.
In his haste, he tripped over a log and face planted directly into the sand. Fuck. One of his flip flops had flown off into one of the bundles of beachgrass. He briefly contemplated looking for it but he pushed himself to run towards the body again, spitting out sand as he went.
As he continued running through the sand with one flip flop, he spotted a flash of white in the corner of his eye.
Oh my god.
He slowly approached the body. Now that he was closer, he could see that the body was that of a woman. Young, based on her skin, which was pale. Fuck, it really was a corpse, wasn’t it? Long black hair covering her face, and completely naked.
Higuruma felt absolutely sick to his stomach. This poor girl. He didn’t want to imagine the disgusting acts she must have endured. What sick freak would do this? And leave the body here for anyone to find?
He fished through his pockets (why did cargo shorts have so many) and found his phone to dial 110.
“Hello, police emergency services speaking. What is your emergency?” A monotone voice greeted him.
God, this fucking sucked.
“Hello, I’m on Shimanami Beach. I seem to have discovered a dead body. Young woman, long black hair.” In the back of his mind, Higuruma remembered that he would probably be a suspect in this investigation. His luck has been truly amazing lately.
“Sir, thank you for calling. Can you please list any landmarks near you so we can dispatch a patrol car to your exact area?”
While he continued to clarify his location to the 110 operator, he took off his shirt and moved to drape it over the girl’s body. He knew that it would count as tainting evidence, but it felt wrong to stand over a naked girl’s body without any covering.
“Um, what are you doing?” The body suddenly moved and looked directly at Higuruma.
Higuruma was proud to say he didn’t soil himself.
“Argh! Oh my god, are you alive?”
The girl sat up and brushed her hair out of her face. “Of course I’m alive! Why would you think I’m dead? Because I’m naked and unconscious on the beach?”
“... Yes?” Higuruma was so surprised at the girl’s indignant attitude that he almost forgot to be relieved that the corpse he found was, in fact, alive.
“Excuse me, sir? Did you just say the dead body is in fact alive?” The operator inquired into his ear.
Ah, he almost forgot about the call.
“Um, yes! Sorry about that, looks like the body I found was just sleeping. Sorry!”
After apologizing profusely, he hung up the phone to look at the girl still sitting on the sand at his feet.
“Why are you only wearing one shoe?” She giggled softly and poked his bare foot. The t-shirt had landed in a crumple onto her lap.
“Miss, I don’t know your situation, but this is serious. You can’t be completely naked on a public beach, and especially not if you’re sleeping on the sand at this time of night. There are terrible people out there.” Higuruma tried his best to look stern despite knowing that she heard him scream girlishly earlier.
“It’s not a big deal, no one’s here at this time. What’s your name, by the way? Mine is Utahime Iori.”
Nice name, Higuruma thought. Looking at her closely now, she was awfully pretty. Looking up at him like this, her eyes looked like the particular type of amber doe eyes that would always get him in trouble back in school. A soft pink mouth that was smiling at him as if she had never done anything wrong in her life. This face usually meant trouble. And if his eyes went any lower-- he shouldn’t do that. He felt a coiling heat in his stomach and immediately turned.
“Aren’t you girls usually afraid of bugs? There are a ton of sand fleas here. That should gross you out,” he said gruffly, trying to keep his voice steady.
Utahime stood up to face Higuruma. Fuck. The t-shirt had now fallen to the ground and she was facing him with her chest completely bare. He made sure his gaze was directed straight at her face. Any glimpse south of her chin would certainly cause him to hate himself.
“Not much grosses me out to be honest. Please tell me your name?” If she was going to look at him like that, he’d tell her the four numbers to access his bank account and give her everything he had.
“Hiromi Higuruma. Can you please put on that shirt? And here, this too.” He took off his pants, slightly embarrassed at the multitude of pockets that were on them. Girls of Utahime's age don’t usually like cargo shorts, do they? He was left in his boxer shorts, suddenly very aware of his hairy chest in front of her smooth skin.
She laughed softly while pulling on his clothes. “It looks like I robbed you and left you with one flip flop and your underwear.”
She could and he’d thank her for it.
“Your clothes smell nice. You must smell like this as well?” He was going to ignore that. He would have to ignore that to be able to stay sane.
“That’s fine. Do you have anywhere to go right now? I’m going to work in the morning but you can stay at my place for a bit. Fuck, is that weird? You don’t know me but I swear I’m not weird! There’s a cafe across the street from my place that will open at 8:30, you can go there once they open.”
Utahime smiled up at him, slowly tilting her head while meeting his eyes. “That’s fine with me, Higuruma-san. Thank you.”
Higuruma felt his mouth go slack, and managed to nod his head and turned to go back to his apartment.
“What were you doing up this early, Higuruma-san?” Utahime’s soft voice came from behind him. Luckily, on the narrow path to exit the beach, they would have to stay single file throughout. Otherwise he would get distracted if he caught a glimpse of her.
“I was doing my laundry. Hold on a sec, let me grab--” he knelt down to pick up his once abandoned flip flop, ignoring the laughter coming from behind him.
“You remembered where you lost it?”
“Well, if I remembered where I lost it, I wasn’t really losing it, was I? I was just leaving it there temporarily. And now I’m picking it up again.”
Utahime seemed to find this logic very funny, and Higuruma let a small smile sneak out. He managed to make a beautiful girl laugh. How often did that ever happen to him?
He could feel a small hand slip into his own as they made their way through the sand grass. After a moment of hesitation, he grabbed it firmly, and led them back to his new home.