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I would say it felt like any other day. But that would be lying. To get to the point, recently, I’ve been developing a crush on my bandmate Ray Toro. Normally, for most people, developing a crush on somebody was a good thing! Yea, sure, you’re a little nervous but, that’s just part of it. But for me…
For me,
Crushing made me want to throw up.
When i’m in love I feel like it completely consumes me like a corpse in nature. It’s a sickening feeling. It makes you feel like you’ve been stuck in a moving car for a few days.
But, anyways, I’m lying in bed with a comic book in my hands, hovering it above my face. My Misfits CD playing at a low volume so I can read. Rain pattering on the windows of me and Gerard’s shared room. I heard the doorknob twist and creak open. I look up from my comic to see gerard’s smiling face. I smile at him.
“hey.” I mutter. I noticed how happy he looked, which wasn’t normal for Gerard. I sat up, dog earing the page of the book and throwing it on the wooden nightstand.
“Why are you so happy?” I raise an eyebrow, adjusting my glasses on my face. He took off his converse and sat on his bed which was across the room from mine.
“Am I not allowed to be happy?” He joked, smiling and fixing his greasy hair. He really needed to wash it. He sighed but spoke up once again. He breathed in a shaky breath before saying,
“Ok promise not to freak out, but.. me and Ray started dating!” He said, kind of softly at the end as he saw my face fall. I fixed it immediately, putting on a realistic smile. However it was all fake.
“Oh- oh my god! That’s great! Did-“ I tried to recollect myself despite the obvious frog in my throat. “Did he ask you?” I said, putting my shaking hands into my hoodie pockets so it wasn’t obvious. I was really bad about hiding my anxiety, but Gerard hadn’t noticed quite yet. So I was doing pretty good.
“Nope, I asked him. He said yes. He’s coming over soon, so.” He said pretty calmly, relieved I seemed ok. Even though I was not. I smiled at him.
“Well I was planning to hang out with Frank, so I’ll be gone soon enough.” I said, taking in a deep breath. An attempt to calm down. I stood up, slipping on my shoes and grabbing my stuff. I had no plans with Frank, but knowing him he wouldn’t care if I showed up unannounced. He waved goodbye and I made my way out of the house.
As I walked down the driveway, around half past seven, I saw Ray pull up to the house in his ‘69 Impala. He got out when he saw me with a smile. He waved at me, I braced myself.
“Hey Mikey!” He said with a cheery expression. I could feel my cheeks warming up. I probably looked like an idiot right now.. I replied to my bandmate.
“Hey Ray. Gonna hang out with Gerard?” I smiled like a fool at him. He made me feel like a fool. I just wanted to go to Franks house and get high. He chuckled.
“I am. I’m guessing he told you?” He raised an eyebrow at me. I nodded, not saying anything else. He waved goodbye and so did I. I went to my car and got in. I banged my head on the steering wheel.
God I hated myself.