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Noah cannot believe he’s part of the shitshow that is Total Drama at this point. Sure the money Chris offered was good, but was it good enough to put up with all of this. Probably not, but he’s locked in the contract now.
You see Noah’s Chris’ personal assistant on the newest season of Total Drama: All Stars. To say this season was stretching the definition of ‘reality’ TV was an understatement. Chris had scripts for all of them. It wasn’t exactly a new thing. People had been paid off in the past to act a certain way on the show.
For instance, Courtney and Duncan had never gotten back together after their break up in the year between Action and World Tour. In addition Gwen was never into Duncan. Yes, the whole love triangle was staged. In actual fact, Gwen and Courtney were dating. That was why Gwen or Courtney had to leave in Australia actually. Having to pretend they hated each other on screen was getting to be too much.
This year though, practically everything is scripted. And if Gwen, Duncan. And Courtney thought they had it bad in World Tour, they had it even worse here. Chris’ script called for Gwen to be coming back to beg Courtney to forgive her. Courtney’s had her refusing to do so and being a regular bitch. Duncan had act like a colossal jerk by pretending to ignore Gwen for Courtney. After which Gwen would break up with him.
It was clearly taking quite the toll on all of them, as Noah suddenly found himself feeling like a part time therapist. While everyone else was struggling, it was these three that ended up venting to Noah specifically. If Noah had to guess, it was because of the OG cast members they had the hardest script to act out, and Noah was someone they both knew, and knew about their specific script. Honestly Noah was surprised Sierra wasn’t also coming to him, but she had Cameron to vent to about her issues.
“I just can’t believe how bad this script is!” Courtney complained. “I mean, I have to pretend to be mad at my girlfriend for something she never did, and then I have to pretend I like Scott. Who’s fine, but I don’t want to date him. Then I have to forgive Gwen, followed by us having another falling out. Oh and in the end I don’t even get to go out on a high note. They have me trying to feed the interns bird poop!”
“Yeah, ever since they decided you should be the villain of season two your portrayal’s gotten worse and worse.” Noah agreed.
Gwen was equally upset. “I have to pretend to desperately beg my girlfriend for forgiveness for something that I didn’t do. Then once I finally get it, I only get to be friendly for a bit before we end up fighting again. We don’t even get to end on good terms. How is that going to affect us after this season is over? Like what are we supposed to do? Pretend to hate each other whenever we’re in public? I can’t do that Noah.”
“Yeah, this script is going to royally screw you all over after the season is over.” He said. “You don’t want to know what they have planned for Mike. You really don’t.”
Of the three though, Duncan was the one taking it the hardest. “I already look like a jerk after last season, and whatever, I don’t mind looking like a cheater. I do mind the idea of me ignoring my “current girlfriend” for my previous one. I mean seriously? So, my character, because that’s what he is at this point, is not only a cheater, but one who’s not even over the girl he cheated on?” Duncan sighed.
“And that’s only the beginning. No, I also have to have too side plots. One where I end up on the Heroes team and have a whole crisis going on about how I’m secretly a good guy and I don’t want everyone to know. It’s like they took one look at the moment with bunny, and my conversation with Lashawna when we were handcuffed and decided to amp it up to eleven.” The punk continued.
“And the other side plot? Don’t get me started on that one. Somehow Chris found out Mal and I went to the same Juvie. So now we got this whole plotline where I have to try and warn Zoey about how ‘evil’ Mal is. Look the guy’s not someone to be messed with. He’s definitely violent, but not to the extent the show is trying to say. Mal only hurts people to protect himself. Sure, he jumps the gun sometimes and assumes someone is dangerous when they aren’t, but he’s not some singularly evil guy who wants to take over the body or anything! I feel bad for the guy, and I have to act like he’s some kind of monster?”
Duncan paused, drinking several slugs of a bottle of water he had. Currently he and Noah were in the spa hotel. “It just fucking sucks alright?”
“Yeah. It does.’ Noah sighed.
This wasn’t the last time Duncan came to complain either. It happened again after Gwen had ‘broken up’ with him. Noah had been sitting in his room at the spa hotel, Chris gave him private quarters as part of his contract, when Duncan slammed his door in.
“I hope you’re okay, cause I’m terrible.” Duncan said, collapsing face first onto Noah’s bed.
“Have you ever heard of knocking?” Noah scoffed.
“I’m a punk, I don’t knock.” Duncan moaned. “Besides I’m not in any mood to try and be nice. Do you know what’s it’s like to have your best friend yell at you for ignoring her in favor of your ex? Even if I knew she was acting, it felt real. I feel like I’m a piece of garbage and I didn/t even actually do it.”
“Wish I could say thing will get better, but we both know they won’t.” The cynic huffed.
“Yeah, gotta pretend I’m having a crisis because of the whole ‘on the heroes’ team thing.” Duncan goraned. “I’m having a crisis alright, but it ain’t about something that stupid.”
“Yeah, script like that would make anyone have a crisis.” Noah said.
“Script’s only part of it.” Duncan sighed. “Have you ever known something about yourself for years and you just don’t want to admit it to yourself?”
“Can’t say I have.” The cynic replied.
Then Duncan complained after the punching challenge. “Ugh. I had to pretend I was upset at the fact I couldn’t punch a mother bird and its baby. Who would even think that was a bad thing? Only people who’d happily punch a mother and baby have more going on than a simple image issues crisis.”
“Yeah, today was rough on most of you. Except Alejandro. He got to beat the crap out of his older brother.” Noah said.
“Yeah, wish I could do the same to Chris. Pretending to try and warn Zoey about Mal was so hard to get right. Like seriously, Mal’s over in the ring hamming it up with Izzy and I’m supposed to take that seriously.” The punk scoffed.
“Yeah.” Noah paused. “Is that all that’s going on?”
“No. That crisis I’ve been having has only gotten worse.” Duncan sighed.
Noah was not one to care about people, yet somehow, he feels like he has to help out Duncan. He doesn’t know what it is. His whole relationship with the punk has changed since the begining of the season. He no longer sees Duncan as a stupid punk. He feels more real now. Noah feels like he’s finally getting to see past the punks’ harsh exterior to the vulnerable man within. And that man, underneath all the bravado, was someone Noah genuinely liked to be around. He makes Noah feel good.
“Anything I can do to help?” Noah asked.
“No. Trust me. It’ll only get worse if you do.” Duncan sighed.
As Noah oversaw the interns setting up the next challenge, a boat race around the island, he couldn’t help but wonder what Duncan meant by that. Why would him helping make it worse? Did Duncan’s crisis have something to do with him? Did he do something wrong? Something to trigger the punk?
He’s broken from said thoughts by the subject of them. “Hey.” Duncan said.
“Hey?” Noah smirked. “You’re not supposed to be here.”
“Why not?’ The punk scoffed. “I know what the challenge is. And what I’m supposed to do during it.”
Noah was silent. That’s right. Duncan was supposed to get eliminated today. He was supposed to blow up a set that looked like Chris’ ‘cottage’ and get arrested.
“You know what? I’m sick of following this stupid script. If I’m going out, I’m going out on my terms.” Duncan said.
“Don’t do anything too rash.” Noah warned.
“Not planning to.” Duncan smirked.
Noah watched the challenge through monitors. Very quickly he saw what Duncan was choosing to do, and to be honest it reminded him of his own actions in season one. Duncan was being as big of a jerk as possible. Pushing people over. Ramming the boat he’d gotten into Gwen and Courtney’s. Throwing dynamite at Alejandro’s boat. By the end of it all everyone was clearly done with Duncan’s bullshit.
Once the challenge was over Chris took Duncan aside to the viewing room to talk to him. Noah actually fell to the floor, having been startled by the sudden invasion. “That wasn’t in the script! You were supposed-”
“I know what I was supposed to do! I don’t fucking care anymore! What was I supposed to do after the show was over? Go into hiding until my supposed sentence was over? Besides, I caused a lot of drama today! You got what you wanted, and I’m still gonna be voted out over it. So deal with it!” Duncan snapped.
Chris paused. “Fair enough, but only because you still caused drama, and I don’t want you telling anyone else you’re getting off. I don’t need them to all go off script too.” With that the host left.
“Well, that’s done.” Duncan turned to him. “There’s only one more thing I need to do before I leave tonight.”
Noah could feel his heart pounding fast. He feels kind of nervous all of the sudden. Like he’s anticipating something. He doesn’t even know what that something would be. “And what’s that?”
“Noah. I’ve known for years that I was bisexual, but I never wanted to admit it. This season I couldn’t escape from it. I couldn’t focus on other things and pretend it wasn’t there. Because this season we spent a lot of time together. And it brought all those doubts and feeling to the surface. Until they boiled over.” Duncan said.
Noah was still a little confused. “So, hanging out with me made your sexuality crisis worse somehow?”
Duncan sighed and cupped his face. “What I’m trying to say is: I’ve been crushing on you. Hard.”
Noah found himself in shock. “Oh.” He replied, trying to understand why he felt so happy about it. Duncan leaned forward and kiss him. Noah kissed back, hesitantly, trying to understand the hodgepodge of feelings he was experiencing. He feels confused, nervous, and kind of flustered. He also feels a warm glow, and a desire for Duncan to deepen the kiss.
When the punk pulled away, he smiled. “So, you like me back?”
Noah took a second to get his bearings. “Yeah. I think I do.”
Duncan nodded. “Alright.” He reached into his pocket and handed him a piece of paper. “Here’s my number. Call me when you get out of this hellhole.”
Noah smiled and took the number. “I'll be sure to do that.”