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“Castiel.” Jack appears next to him, normally a quiet, welcoming presence, but not today. “It’s time.”
A gentle breeze dances over the hills and across his face. It catches in his trench coat, causing it to flap around his back and against his legs. He used to enjoy this feeling when he was on Earth — the closest he could get to feeling like he had wings again.
But now? Jack’s healed them, repaired them like new, better than new, just like Heaven.
“You’ve truly done a beautiful job, Jack.” He takes his eyes off the horizon to look at his son, a proud smile on his face.
Jack turns to look at him, his eyes soft and all seeing. “I know why you don’t want to see him.”
Castiel looks back over the rolling hills, the wildflowers always in bloom. “I still think it should be someone else — Bobby, Mary, Charlie.” Anyone.
“He wants to see you.”
Castiel huffs and shakes his head. “So he can yell at me. Maybe.”
“No,” Jack says, like it’s that simple.
In a small copse of trees at the base of the valley, an Eastern Whip-poor-will bird calls out for its mate. They pause and listen, but there is no answer. He tries again, his cry echoing through the valley only to be met with silence.
“Five, four,” Jack counts down. “Three, two—”
Cas spreads his wings wide, the wind catching on his flight feathers. Heaven shifts beneath his feet. Gone are the rolling hills and stretching horizons. He lands on a simple patch of dirt, dried grass crunching under his shoes, the sound of his wings announcing his arrival.
In front of him stands the love of his very long existence. His best friend. His happiness. Just out of reach. He doesn’t turn around, but his shoulders relax.
“Hello, Dean,” he says, willing him to stay facing away, so he doesn’t have to face his judgment, willing him to turn so he can see his face again, afraid he’s changed too much since he saw him last.
“Hiya, Cas,” Dean says, a smile in his voice.
He turns and familiar green eyes latch onto him. His breath catches in the back of his throat. Dean’s face may have changed, a new wrinkle or two, but his eyes are exactly the same as they’ve always been.
And then, he has his arms full of Dean. A body flung against his own. His wings make a surprised appearance to steady them both so they don’t end up in the dirt. But he regains his footing and wraps his arms around his friend.
His eyes flutter closed, and he breathes in deep the faint scent of Dean. He has traveled the universe, knows the names of all the organisms, plants, animals, but this smell is unique. It is purely Dean and, oh, how he’s missed him.
He knows the other shoe is about to drop. The scolding, the anger, the rejection. But for now, he holds on tight, content to just be. Be with Dean.
“God, I missed you,” Dean mumbles into the collar of his coat.
Cas squeezes him tighter. “And I you.”
Dean chuckles, the moment broken, probably by Cas’ inability to say the right thing. Air slips in between their bodies as Dean pulls back, but he doesn’t go far, leaving one hand on the back of his neck. With the other, he brushes the hair off Cas’ forehead in a move that is entirely new. Fingers drag through his hair, and Cas suppresses the urge to shudder against the pure bliss of the easy gesture.
Both hands now wrapped behind his neck, the pads of Dean’s fingers playing in the long hairs at the back of his neck; Cas stands frozen in unfamiliar territory.
“I’m going to kiss you now,” Dean says, and Cas doesn't have time to react before hot lips are pressed against his own. It takes a few moments and the wet lick of his tongue on his lips before Cas’ instincts take over.
He wraps his arm around him tighter, moving his lips in response. Dean’s tongue dips into his mouth, and suddenly Cas’ lungs are filling with the rich scent of Dean. He overwhelms his senses and his brain is barely hanging in there. Cas may have kissed people before, right now, he can’t remember, because nothing, nothing, in his long existence has ever felt like this.
The most exquisite pleasure he has ever felt courses through his body, igniting his essence. He doesn’t even notice that anything is wrong until he feels fingers, Dean’s fingers, carding through the feathers on his wings.
His body trembles and an embarrassing noise bubbles up from his throat. A mix between a moan and the bleat of a goat. When he snaps his eyes open, he finds his wings have manifested themselves and joined in with the whole ‘kissing’ thing — wrapping themselves around the two of them, creating a cocoon.
He swallows hard. “I am so sorry,” he says, and pushes them back into the veil.
“Hey, where did they go?” Dean pouts, his hands dropping from Cas’ neck to his biceps.
“I put them away. I apologize. They’ve never done that before.”
Dean grins, and it isn’t his silly, cheeky one. This one sends a thrill down his spine and makes him want things he never let himself think about.
“Can you do it again?”
Cas tilts his head to the side, his brows drawn together. “They don’t freak you out?”
“Why would they? They’re a part of you, and they’re beautiful.”
Warmth blooms in his chest and feels like the sun rising on a cold winter’s morning. “Really?”
“Well, yeah.” Dean closes the gap between them again, his arms going behind his neck. He pecks him on the lips — once, twice, a third time — and then pulls back. “I’ve wanted to do that for a very long time.”
“You have?” As much as Cas is enjoying this ‘new’ Dean, it is very out of character. Cas thinks that maybe they need to talk, because he’s pretty sure this isn’t standard behavior between the two of them. He would have remembered. Yes, he definitely would have remembered kissing Dean before.
“Mm-hmm,” Dean hums, closing the gap again, kissing him deep and slow. He draws Cas’ lip between his own, and there are teeth grazing against the sensitive skin of lips and… his wings are out again. “There they are,” Dean says, pulling back to admire them.
He runs his hand along the top line of his right wing, brushing his fingers along the soft black feathers. The feeling, so intimate, so unknown, it rattles through his body and Cas’ instincts are to wrap Dean in them and fly them away somewhere quiet, somewhere they can be alone. Where Cas can lay bare before Dean and let him explore while Cas does the same in return, the way it happens in his fantasies when he loses control of his thoughts.
But this isn’t a fantasy, this is real and Dean is touching him, kissing him with a love that he has never felt before. It can’t be real. It can’t be real.
“Dean,” he pants, as the man trails kisses up his neck while carding his fingers through his wings. “Maybe we should talk.”
Dean stills his body, his fingers. “Nah, I don’t think so,” he says, before resuming kissing along his jaw toward his ear. “This is my Heaven, so I make the rules.”
Cas frowns, a jolt of something ‘off’ hits him in the gut. “What?”
“I know this isn’t real.” Dean pulls back to look at him. He cups the side of his neck and a sad smile creeps across his face. “I know that my Cas is stuck in the Empty and that you are just a figment of my imagination conjured up in my personal room in Heaven.” He deepens the smile, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “But if you don’t tell the dicks in charge, then I won’t either.”
He leans in and kisses him again, but Cas can’t respond. He doesn’t believe I am real? His body freezes in terror as dread pulses with each heartbeat. As a reflex, his wings vanish from sight.
“Dean—” he tries to say, but his throat constricts around the word.
Pulling back from the kiss, Dean frowns but then his eyes widen as he spies something over his shoulder.
“No way! Is that Harvelle’s Roadhouse?” Dean steps to the side to get a better look at the old rundown building, a perfect replica of the one in Nebraska that Azazael burned to the ground. He looks back at Cas, his green eyes sparkling with excitement.
“It is…”
“Come on,” Dean says, slipping his hand into Cas’, threading their fingers together. “Let’s go see who’s inside.”
“Wait.” Cas tugs on Dean’s hand to get him to stop. He knows what they will find — Dean’s entire family, all his old friends and the hunters he’s met over his lifetime. All of whom are very, very real. “Dean—” he tries again, but the former hunter doesn’t listen.
The fingers in his hand tighten almost painfully, like Dean is afraid to let go. He has an almost frantic energy about him as he marches toward the building. And then they’re stepping up the wooden stairs, Cas’ heart beating furiously in his chest.
Powerless to stop it, like watching a train wreck happen in real time, the front door swings open to reveal John and Mary Winchester.
“Mom,” Dean says, his voice loud and filled with joy. He throws his free around her neck and pulls her in tight. He continues to hold Cas with his other hand, like he’s forgotten he’s still there or maybe he’s afraid to let go.
Cas stands half a body’s width away to give them privacy as Mary talks to Dean quietly, whispering words of ‘so happy to see you’, ‘missed you so much’, and ‘I’m so proud of you’ back and forth.
Dean kisses her on the forehead, the corner of his eyes wet. “I love you, mom.”
“I love you too, sweetheart.”
Then Dean’s posture straightens, his shoulders drop down and back as he turns to face his father. “Dad.”
“Son,” John says, his voice deep and rough.
There’s a moment of pause before Dean pulls him into a fierce hug. They pat each other hard on the back and John hugs him tighter.
When Jack renovated Heaven, there were heated discussions about fixing the wrongs that were done during Chuck’s rule, including retrieving souls from Hell, Purgatory and the Empty that didn’t belong. Rowena was more than happy to rid her realm of people who didn’t deserve to be there. Eve was harder to convince, and in the end, there weren’t many that were saved. Jack didn’t give the Empty a choice, just pulled a select few. He was still a little pissed after it took Castiel from the dungeon.
Castiel has kept his distance. There are a few choice words he would like to say, and feels duty bound to say them to the man who calls himself Sam and Dean’s father. But out of respect for Mary, he’s held his tongue.
Right now, he can’t watch. Instead, he grinds his teeth together and looks away.
Mary catches his eye. She deliberately looks down at their entwined hands, where Castiel’s is still clutched tight in her son’s. Then she looks back up at him, mouthing the words ‘bout time’, before smiling proudly.
“I wanted to be there to welcome you, son,” John’s voice cuts through the moment. He has his hand on Dean’s shoulder, and Cas gets the feeling he has not seen their hands. “But everyone voted that the angel should be the one to do it.”
The emphasis on the word ‘angel’ grates on Castiel’s every nerve, and he lifts his eyes to catch sight of the man who was trusted with Dean for so many years and failed him in every way possible.
John steels his gaze, challenging Cas to say something. But he will not ruin this for Dean. John’s face ticks into a smile that says ‘I thought so,’ before he throws an arm around Dean’s shoulder and turns him, pulling him between Mary and himself and into the bar.
Cheers erupt from inside the Roadhouse as Dean emerges, and the band on the stage starts playing. He’s instantly greeted by Bobby, pulled roughly into a hug that tugs Cas’ hand from his. As much as Cas is happy that Dean isn’t about to out himself unintentionally, he misses the contact after so many months without any.
Next in line is a squealing Charlie, who pushes Jo out of the way to get to him. There’s a friendly banter between them that Cas has watched grow over the past few months. He wonders if there may be more to it, but it’s none of his business what others do in their spare time.
“Hey, Red,” Dean says, wrapping her in a tight hug. He kisses the side of her face and whispers quiet words that are probably an unnecessary apology for his part in her death. She punches him in the chest and tells him that ‘he isn’t as important as he thinks he is’.
The greetings continue, with Jo, Ellen, and Ash, followed by Kevin, who they found in the veil and brought to his rightful place. Channing is here too, and as much as he loves his mom, he’s happy to have a little space while he waits for her.
Dean bounces around the room from person to person, happiness radiating from him at every turn. At one point, he glances up, looking for something. He catches Cas’ eye as he stands near the edge of the crowd. Cas offers him an encouraging smile and Dean goes back to reconnecting with the people he loves.
Cas tries not to let a flicker of jealousy take root, a fleeting thought that what they shared in the parking lot is all he will ever get — a stolen kiss under false pretenses. Once Dean finds out this is actually real, everything will change.
It doesn’t matter. He got to experience it once, which is once more than he ever thought he’d get. He shrugs it off.
“Why the long face, son,” Bobby says, clapping him on the shoulder.
“It’s nice to see him so happy and so loved.”
“And that makes you sad?”
“What?” Cas shakes his head. “No.”
“Mm-hmm.” Bobby is apparently not convinced.
Cas grimaces. “I didn’t exactly get time to explain about the changes around here before he raced in.”
“Ah… So he thinks this ain’t real.”
“Essentially. Yes.”
Bobby hums. “That could be dangerous. When you gonna tell ‘im?”
“I was hoping that now you know, you could tell him.”
His booming laugh fills the air. “Nice try, son. I get the feeling, looking at your guilty face, that he ain’t gonna take it well.”
Cas ducks his head. Great.
About half an hour later, Cas is perched on a stool at the end of the bar, trying to avoid Pamela’s knowing gaze. Out of nowhere, there’s a warm body next to his own, stepping into his space. It can only be one person. Strangely, it’s the same person who had to teach him about the concept of personal space.
Dean kisses him on the temple, his hand firm and steady on his back. It grounds him, for just a moment, before reality comes flooding back.
“You doing okay?” Dean’s voice is low, almost lost in the crowd.
Cas turns to face him, willing him to listen this time. “I really think we should talk. There’s—”
Dean doesn’t let him finish. He cups Cas’ face in both of his palms, his thumbs brushing against his cheekbones, and pulls him in for a kiss. It’s brief — no more than a second — but it’s enough. Enough to send a ripple of shock through the room, silencing the noise like a needle scratching across a record.
Before he has time to react, a high-pitched squeal cuts through the stunned silence.
“I knew it!” Charlie rushes toward them, her arms out wide as she tackles them both in an exuberant hug. “Oh my god! I’ve been waiting for years for this. Years!”
“Yeah, yeah.” Dean groans. “Come on, Charles.”
“No, no. You don’t get to shush me,” she says, giving Dean a loud kiss on his cheek before returning the favor to Cas. “I’m so happy for you guys!”
Cas’ heart is pounding in his chest, the stares of everyone in the room prickling at the back of his head like static electricity. He glances around, his eyes catching on Pamela, who has a knowing smirk on her face. Bobby has his eyebrow raised, but is wearing a proud smile. Ellen and Jo exchange soft glances, and John—
Oh shit, John is glaring daggers at them.
“Dean…” Cas whispers, his voice shaky. “I need to—”
“Relax, Cas.” Dean smiles at him like it’s the easiest thing in the world, and Cas hates that he has to take that away from him. “It’s fine. They were bound to find out sooner or later. And this is my Heaven, remember, so everyone’s going to be cool with us—”
“You’re together?” John’s voice cuts through the noise, sharp and angry.
The room goes quiet again, all eyes snapping to the oldest Winchester. John steps forward, his jaw tight, and Dean turns just in time to see his father grab Castiel by the upper arm and yank him away.
Cas doesn’t go easy, but willingly puts some distance between Dean and his father, facing the man head on. He knocks John’s hand off his coat. “Get your hands off me.”
“I knew there was something about you that I didn’t like. The moment I met you I could sense there was something wrong with you.”
“Dad…” Dean starts, his tone defensive.
He’s stepped up beside him, but Cas can’t let this man get away, because he knows that he is about two seconds away from insulting his son.
“You’d better watch what you say next,” Cas warned, his voice dropping deeper than it has in a long time.
“My son is not a—”
CRACK.
John doesn’t get to finish his sentence. Not after his face has connected with Cas’ fist. Not while he’s lying on the floor unconscious.
Murmurs break out amongst the group, but no one rushes to his side, not even Mary. She is standing at the front of the gathered circle, a hand up to her face. Her eyes are wide with shock. Bobby meets Cas’ gaze, a message clear across his face: ‘get him away from here.’
Dean’s eyes are trained on his father as well, but there’s fear and confusion written all over his expression. Cas grabs his shoulders and turns him away.
“We need to talk now,” Cas says, not taking no for an answer this time.
He grips him tight and stretches his wings inside the veil. They flap once and the ground shifts. This time, when he lands, he’s got Dean with him, and they’re standing on the shore of a wide lake. Dean stumbles but Cas catches him and holds him up until his legs solidify.
Dean shakes off his grip and steps away. His expression has turned angry, but this time it’s trained on Cas.
“What the hell, man?” Dean asks, his voice rising with frustration. He looks around the long quiet shore and across the lake. “Where are we?”
Cas swallows. “This is one of my favorite places to come when I need time to think.”
“Are we still in Heaven?”
“Yes.”
“My Heaven?”
Cas’ eyes soften. “No, Dean.”
Dean huffs and starts walking away. Cas gives him a head start, but eventually jogs to catch up. “I need to explain—”
“Who are you?” Dean rounds on him, his eyes blazing with suspicion.
“I’m…” He swallows. “I’m Cas. Your Cas.”
Dean scoffs. “My Cas got dragged to the Empty, and unless Jack has changed his tune of ‘staying hands off’, he’s still there!” He jabs a finger into Cas’ chest. “So I’m gonna ask you one more time. Who. Are. You?”
“I know you don’t have any reason to believe me,” Cas says, his voice soft and urgent. “But I am real. This is all real. Jack pulled me out of the Empty a few months ago. We’ve been renovating Heaven.”
Dean’s jaw flexes and he crosses his arms in front of his chest.
Cas hesitates, then places a hand on Dean’s shoulder, his palm resting over the exact spot where he left that handprint so many years ago. Dean raises his eyes to meet his, but they are filled with hatred.
He presses on, rushing to get the words out. “Jack broke down all the walls so everyone can live together. Everyone you met today is real. That’s why Sam wasn’t there. He’s not dead yet. That… that was your welcome party.”
Dean stares at him, and then his voice explodes, raw and full of pain. “You’ve been alive… this whole time!”
Cas flinches as Dean’s words echo across the lake vibrating with anger. He pulls his hand back to his chest, tightening as he searches for the right words. “I… Yes?”
“And you let me go all—” He racks his hands through his hair and tugs on the ends. “I kissed you in front of everyone.”
His eyes drop to the ground. I know. It was everything I ever wanted and nothing I ever deserved. “I’m sorry.”
“You’re sorry?” Dean’s laugh is sharp and bitter. “You made me look like an idiot.”
Cas flinches as the words hit their mark. “I tried to tell you. Tried to stop you, but you wouldn’t let me.”
“Yeah, well, try harder next time.”
Pain pools in the corner of his eyes. Every moment of happiness in Castiel life is followed by one of deep pain. He should have seen this coming. His thoughts churn like a building storm, lightning coiling inside ready to strike where it will hit the hardest. He takes a steady breath to reel it back in.
“If that’s how you feel, then I will leave you be,” he says, his voice soft but determined.
There’s a sharp intake of breath as Cas turns and takes a step into the soft sand. His wings flicker faintly in the veil as if preparing him for flight, but he uses his legs instead to tear himself away from the only man he’s ever truly loved.
“That’s it, Cas. Walk away,” Dean says, disdain lacing his every word. “That’s what you’re good at.”
Cas grits his teeth. His next step is hesitant. He steps again, but turns. “You know why I walk away?”
“Because it’s what you do.”
Cas lets out a bitter laugh, his voice trembling. “I was built for battle, Dean. Good versus evil. Light versus darkness. The only time I walked away from a fight was when my opponent was dead.” He swallows down the images flooding his mind. “I walk away now because I don’t know how to fight with you without losing everything.”
“You’re a coward, Cas.” Dean swipes at his eyes and grits his teeth. “Fight me like you mean it.”
“I will not hurt you.” Cas shakes his head. “I love you.”
“Fight me!” Dean yells, charging toward him. He roughly pushes at his shoulders, making him stumble back in the sand.
“Stop, Dean.”
He can see the absolute terror in Dean’s eyes, thinly veiled in anger. Dean growls as he throws a right hook, but Cas dodges it easily. Using Dean’s own momentum against him, he forces him away. This time it’s Dean who stumbles. He rounds instantly trying to kick at his legs.
What Dean seems to forget is that Cas is at full power, and that they are his turf now. His wings flare to life and in the blink of an eye, he’s behind the hunter. He takes his knee out from under him, and Dean crumples into the sand.
“You bastard.”
Grains of sand go flying as Dean lunges at him. Cas stands his ground this time, allowing Dean to collide with him. He softens the blow, allowing his body to move with him, but only slightly. Dean wraps his arms around Cas’ waist as he tries to force him over.
“Dean, please.” Cas grabs his wrist and pries them off him.
Dean slaps at his hands and immediately attacks him, hitting him in the chest. “Fight back. You coward. Fight back. ”
Cas’ heart is breaking for them both as Dean continues to land blow after blow. They don’t hurt in the physical sense, but the pain within Dean is palpable. He grabs a hold of his wrists this time, and spins him around so his back is to Cas’ chest. He crosses Dean’s arms in front of him, trapping him, holding him tight.
“I know that you are hurting right now,” Cas says into his ear, low and serious. “But I refuse to be your punching bag.”
“Argh!” Dean thrashes in his arms and Cas lets him go.
Never one for self preservation, Dean charges him. This time, Cas falls with him into the sand, but immediately rolls them over so he’s straddling the hunter. He grabs Dean’s wrists again, pinning them above his head.
Dean struggles, trying to get his legs around Cas to flip them back, but Cas brings his wings fully into view. They flare out wide and brace him firmly against Dean.
Eventually, Dean deflates, his body going slack in the sand.
“Are you done?” Cas asks, his face inches above the hunters.
Dean’s eyes go hard, but his voice breaks as he speaks. “I hate you.”
Even though Cas knows he doesn’t mean it, the words cut deep, reopening wounds he thought had long since healed. But he doesn’t flinch. “Do you really?” he asks, keeping his voice steady despite his emotions bubbling under the surface. “Or do you just hate the way I make you feel?”
Dean lets out a sharp, hollow laugh. It is bitter and borders on a sob. “Tell me, Cas. Since you know me so damn well.”
Cas leans in closer, his gaze unrelenting as he waits Dean to meet his eyes. “You think you’re not worthy of love, so you’re trying to prove that you’re right. But guess what, Dean? My love for you isn’t something that changes with the tide or something you can beat out of me.”
“Then why won’t you stay?” The words echo between them, raw and jagged. Both their chests heave as they struggle to catch their breath. “You leave again and again and again. You say you love me—” he spits the words like a curse “—and then you fucking die, leaving me…” He looks away, and clenches his jaw shut as if trapping the words inside.
Dean’s words slam into him harder than any blade ever could. His grip on Dean’s wrists slackens, and his instincts are to jerk back, to run away, to…
Behind him his wings twitch and curl, tucking in along his back.
“Dean, I…” his voice cracks as looks down at the man beneath him, chest heaving with guilt and shame. “I was protecting you.”
“Bullshit,” he spits. “You were protecting yourself.”
“We were going to die. Billy was going to break down that door and she was going to kill you and then she was going to kill me. I saved you so you could live!”
Dean lets out a bitter laugh, his head pressing back into the sand. “You don’t get it, do you?”
Cas stares down at him, trying to follow. Dean staring way above them to avoid eye contact.
“I don’t want to live in a world where you don’t exist, you idiot.”
The salty breeze circles around them as the silence stretches and Cas tries to find the words, anything to say. He loosens his grip on Dean’s wrists and leans back on his heels.
“But what about Sam? What about—”
Dean turns a look on him, serious and angry. “Sam is a big boy. And he has Eileen now anyway. He doesn’t need me. I’m just holding him back.”
“Dean, that’s… I’m sure that’s not true.”
“Yeah, well, it is for me now anyway.” He huffs out an annoyed breath. “For years it was always him and me, and I was happy with that. But it hasn’t been like that for a long time.”
Dean hesitates before pushing himself to sitting, his face coming nearly level with Cas. Cas shifts to move, to give him space, but Dean places a hand on his thigh, just above his knee to stop him.
“Somehow, somewhere along the way, you worked your way in… and I can’t lose you, again.”
He can see the vulnerability in Dean’s eyes as he says the words from his heart. Words that don’t come easy to him.
“I’m not going anywhere.” He shakes his head, determined to make him see that. “I know I’ve left before… but I always come back. You are my home, Dean. For as long as you’ll have me, I’ll stay.”
“You mean that?”
“I do,” Cas says, his voice firm.
“Good,” Dean says, with a small nod.
Cas rises to his feet and holds out a hand to help lift Dean up out of the sand. He stands up, and uses his free hand to dust the sand off his back, but refuses to let go of Cas’ hand.
“Come on.” Dean tugs on their hands and leads them over to a large piece of driftwood. The surface is cold, and seeps through the thin material of his pants as Dean pulls him down beside him. Their hands remain locked together in Dean’s lap, like being tethered unable to fly away. Maybe that’s the point.
“We really are a terrible pair. Aren’t we?” Dean says with a small chuckle.
“Ah, so we are a pair?”
“Yeah, Cas.” Dean says with a smile. “If that’s what you still want?”
His chest swells, filling with light and love. “Would that involve more kissing?”
Dean smirks, turning his gaze to Cas. “You liked that, huh?”
“Very much so.” He nods, his face serious.
Dean chuckles, tightening his grip on Cas’ hand. “Anything else you’d like?”
Heat rises in his cheeks, and he bites the inside of his cheek to hide his smile. “You know… Heaven is pretty big. We could hide somewhere, and no one would ever find us. Not unless we wanted them to.”
Dean’s laugh fades. “I’m not ashamed of you, you know?”
“I know,” he says too quickly.
“Hey,” Dean says, his voice low and soothing. His free hand comes up to cup Cas’s cheek. “I’m not, okay? I was… caught off guard, and I reacted poorly. That’s on me, not you.”
Cas’s breath catches, and he meets Dean’s eyes, unsure what to say.
Dean’s smile returns, gentler this time. “Maybe we could just… take baby steps?”
“I’d like that,” he whispers. Even if it takes a hundred lifetimes, he’ll wait for Dean.
“Good,” Dean says before he cups the side of his neck and closes the gap between them, pressing his lips to Cas’.
His eyes flutter closed as he commits the feeling to memory — the warmth of Dean’s lips, the gentle press that promises so much more. It doesn’t take long for Dean’s tongue to seek his out, sliding together in a slow, deliberate rhythm, a quiet give and take. The sensation, so foreign, ignites his grace, and his wings shimmer and spread wide.
Dean stops, pulling his lips away, as he stares at the wings fanning out behind them. The grip on his neck tightens and his shoulders pull in.
“Sorry,” Cas says, folding his wings tightly behind his body. “They’re making you uncomfortable.”
“It’s not like that. I like them.” Dean says, his eyes tracing the lines of his wings. “It’s just… they remind me… you know? That you’re not—”
Cas heart sinks, his worst fear flaring to life. “That I’m not human.” He ducks his head. “I usually have better control over them. I’ll… just give me a minute and I can hide them again.”
“No!” Dean says, his voice louder, and sure. “That’s not what I mean at all. I just…” He growls at himself, clenching his fists tight. “They’re a reminder that you could leave.”
“Dean—”
“One flap of these beauties, and you’re gone. I don’t know where you piss off to, or when I’ll see you again, and I can’t follow.”
“I’m sorry. I can see now the damage I’ve caused. I’m sorry I didn’t see it earlier,” Cas confesses. He places both his hands gently on either side of Dean’s face. “But I promise to always come when you call and even when you don’t. I don’t expect you to believe me this instance, but I’d love the opportunity to show you.”
“Okay,” Dean nods, his breath evening out.
“But if the wings bother you, I can do my best to keep them hidden.”
Dean lets out a shaking breath. “No. Don’t.” He tightens his grip on Cas’ hand, his thumb brushing over his knuckles. “Just… don’t fly away, okay?
“I promise.” Cas’ lips twitch into a faint smile.
Dean nods, his breath evening out as he rests his head against Cas’ shoulder. Cas tilts his own to meet him, a quiet weight settling over them. A single wing unfurls, folding around Dean’s shoulder. He twirls his index finger in the feathers by his thigh before hooking around one of them. Cas sighs.
He thought he was happy before, but this, this is true happiness.