Work Text:
Myung-gi had been out longer than he'd intended. Since he'd left his house in a hurry when people started doxxing him, he hadn't properly packed which meant he barely had enough clothes to last a week. All he wanted to do was quickly drop by his house, not get murdered by an angry fan, pick up the rest of his clothes and be back in his hotel room by three.
Maybe going back to his house wasn't the smartest idea, but it was either that or buy more clothes with the negative won in his bank account. He was already spending too much on his hotel.
But, of course his train got delayed twice, and now it was past three and he was still thirty minutes away from home. Quickly walking through the subway, wearing a large fishing hat and an even larger coat, desperately trying to make himself as unrecognizable as possible. He looked over his shoulder every two seconds as if someone would jump out at him if he let his gaurd down. Getting death threats on the daily tend to make you feel that paranoid.
His phone buzzed in his pocket and a wave of dread hit him. He didn't need to see the screen to know who it was. He pulled his phone out to see Jun-hee's contact photo looking back at him. That guilty feeling he'd gotten used to over the past six months overtook him.
He stood off to the side of the subway, listening to it ring before letting it go to voicemail like always.
He hated getting her calls.
It was a strange thought, considering there'd been a time when her calls had been the highlight of his day, now they just made him feel sick.
He was just about to shove his phone back in his pocket when he felt a tap on his shoulder. He flinched as he turned, thinking it was one of his fans making good on one of those threats. Then he saw her face.
"Jun-hee." He stated, in disbelief.
He froze at her presence. She looked angry. And tired.
"So, you really have been ignoring my calls." Her tone was cold as she held her phone up, the call history screen showing. His name was the only one there until the screen cut off at the bottom.
"What are you doing here?"
"In the subway?" She said as if he was the dumbest person in the world.
"No, I mean you just called me." He gestured to the phone still in his hand.
"I figured if I watched you ignore me, you wouldn't have to waste your breathe lying about it."
She'd always been clever like that.
"No, it's not like that-" His lame protest was cut off.
"I watched you."
He paused, unsure of what to say. It was hard to defend yourself when you'd been caught red-handed. Then he noticed something else.
He glanced down at her belly, there was a bump. His heart dropped. It was a little hard to see under her baggy hoodie, but it was a bump.
Shit.
"You're..."
Pregnant, his brain filled in.
"Don't act like you didn't know."
"What about the abortion? You said you'd get it!" His voice was loud and his tone was panicked. He quickly looked around to make sure they weren't attracting any attention.
"Well, I didn't."
Another wave of panic washed over him. Of course she didn't get the abortion. Jun-hee had always been stubborn. He'd given her dozens of reasons why they couldn't have a baby. They had no money, no idea how to take care of another being, no family, no friends.
"Are you serious right now, Jun-hee? We agreed!" His heart was starting to race.
"I changed my mind, it is my choice." She argued back at him.
They'd had the same argument when she first told him she was pregnant. The panic he felt then was different than it was now. The first time, he was completely blindsided, now it was just the crushing realization that there was no getting away from this.
"How do you expect to raise a baby with no money?"
"And who's fault is that?" She stuck her head out at him.
Myung-gi grimaced at the memory. He hadn't meant to scam her, he hadn't actually meant to scam anyone. He thought crypto was the future and it was the perfect way to get rich quick, just like he always wanted.
He was wrong.
"I know, it's just-fuck, Jun-hee!" He ran his fingers through his hair. "I thought we were done with this!"
"You mean you thought you were done with this." She raised her voice. "Tell me to get an abortion and then don't answer my calls so you just to live in ignorant bliss, huh?"
It took him by surprise, hearing it laid out like that. That was what he had done, wasn't it? Looking away from her dark brown eyes, he stumbled out an answer.
"N-no!" His response sounded much more unsure than he'd meant. "No! I'm on the run, there are people threatening to kill me! If I'd answered your calls, I could've put you in danger."
That wasn't a lie. It wasn't the whole truth, but it wasn't a lie.
"Like I'm supposed to believe that? After everything you've done?"
A few people had turned to look at them and Myung-gi felt his paranoia creeping up on him. He was supposed to be blending in, not standing out. This wasn't something they should be talking about in public anyway.
"Can we just talk about this somewhere else?" He said in a hushed tone.
Jun-hee scowled at him. "You must be insane if you think I'm going anywhere with you."
Frustration ebbed at him as more people took notice of their argument.
"Why do you have to be so difficult? I just wanna have a discussion someplace private."
"Last time we had a 'discussion', it ended with you abandoning me for six months."
"I told you, I was on the run! Why'd you even bother calling me if you didn't want to talk?"
Jun-hee's angry expression fell, replaced with something Myung-gi couldn't quite name.
"Why'd I even bother calling you?" She repeated back.
The malice in her voice made his frustration fizzle out, replace with remorse instead.
"Jun-hee-"
"I didn't come here to ask for your help. You obviously don't care my kid is gonna grow up without a dad. I just needed you to give me a reason to stop calling." She turned away from him.
"Wait! Jun-hee," He grabbed her shoulder. "I'm sorry! Let me just-"
"Don't touch me!" She pushed his hand off of her and continued walking.
"Jun-hee!" He called out.
He felt his guilt crawling up and down his back. He felt frozen in place as he watched her walk away into the crowd. He should've been chasing her. He should've been begging her to forgive him. Instead he stood there in the subway.
Could he really change her mind anyway? He couldn't convince her to get the abortion, how could he convince her to talk to him? Maybe it was for the best. Jun-hee was smarter than he was, she'd make a much better parent without him weighing her down.
She was starting to disappear into the crowd now. Though, he could still vaguely see her blonde ends sticking out. He felt a twinge in his chest.
He thought back to all the time he'd spent with her before everything. All the late nights, all their inside jokes, all the getting drunk and doing stupid shit together. All that was ending. He'd never see her smile again, never kiss her again, never meet his own kid.
She was gone now. He couldn't make her out in the crowd anymore. It was just him standing in the subway.
-
It was just getting dark outside by the time he'd gotten back to the run down hotel he was staying at. His keys made a clink sound as he dropped it onto the end table next to the front door. He walked over to the white hotel bed, letting out a deep sigh as he sat down.
And promptly burst into tears.
Myung-gi did not cry. He wasn't raised to, that's something he and Jun-hee had had in common. But this guilt, this shame was eating him alive. He took deep, gasping breathes in between his tears, wiping his face everytime he felt one fall. It was no use. So for once, in the dark of his hotel room he couldn't afford, he allowed himself to cry.
Where the fuck had his life gone? He'd lost his girlfriend, his fanbase, all his money, and now he was a deadbeat father. It was so pathetic, It almost made him laugh, instead he cried. Cried so hard his chest hurt.
He pulled out his phone, the screen slightly blurry through his tears. The missed call notification from earlier was there, mocking him. He tapped it and it took him to his call history. He scrolled through the all the calls he'd ignored and for the first time he'd wished he'd answered them. He thought back to what Jun-hee had said in the subway,
"Tell me to get an abortion and then don't answer my calls so you just to live in ignorant bliss, huh?"
She was right. That's exactly what he'd done, he could try and frame it as something different, something noble, but he knew what it really was and so did Jun-hee.
Myung-gi had never thought of himself as a bad person before. He knew he could be selfish and self-centered, but he never thought he was truly bad. But lately it seemed hee didn't know who he was. Right now, he felt like a loser crying over his own poor decisions.
He glanced over at Jun-hee's contact photo. He'd only ever really thought about the pregnancy through the scope of his own lens. How bad it would be for him, how much he would have to sacrifice, but he wasn't the only person in this.
Jun-hee was pregnant. She'd been pregnant for six months. She'd been alone for six months. Going to doctors appointments by herself, prepping for the baby by herself, and doing whatever the fuck else pregnant people do all by herself. He didn't know because he wasn't there. He'd abandoned her.
Despite how tough she'd been acting in the subway, he knew she was scared. And he knew she was hurt. And yet he let her leave anyway
He had to make it right.
He tapped one of the missed call icons and the toolbar came up. He wiped his face and cleared his throat. She didn't need to know he'd been crying. His thumb hovered over the green call button, but something inside him hesitated.
He wondered if this was how Jun-hee felt when she called him. Anxiety pooling in his stomach. Wondering whether or not she'd answer, what she'd say if he did.
What would she say? What would he say? Start with an apology, apologize as many times as it takes. She wouldn't forgive him, she'd insist she didn't need his help. He knew that. Still, he'd do whatever it took.
All he had to do was make the call.
He tapped the call button and let it ring