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Tanjirou wakes to the sound of footsteps leaving the infirmary, they’re quiet, the sound of a patient sneaking out after curfew. The scent of grief lingers heavy in the room and Tanjirou eyes slide open. The ceiling is the same as it was 3 months ago, and yet so much has changed. His feet hit the cool wood of the floor and he reaches for his sword with a familiarity he begs to keep. The shadows on the walls look dreamlike, each candle emitting a soft glow that makes him yearn for comfort. Tanjirou lingers for a moment soaking in the blanket of peace that shields the room from the outside world as he scans each bed. Most are empty now, the few who remain are mostly recovered from their injuries and only have a few days left here. The majority of people who survived had left for home a long time ago, Tanjirou wished them the best.
Then there’s the four of them, still taking up beds, slow to recover and slow to return to a life without demons. The bed next to him is barren, Inosuke is missing, his sheets are thrown about and his swords are gone from their usual spot underneath the bed. His eyes dart towards the others and Tanjirou waits for them to make any signs of life before settling. The sleeping forms of his sister and Zenitsu look at ease, all worries cleared from their faces and Tanjirou is grateful. He tilts his head and smiles at the soft look on Nezuko’s face and the open mouthed snores coming from Zenitsu before leaving them behind. He exits the infirmary with the intention of dragging Inosuke back to bed, there was talk of him escaping back into the mountains where he crawled out from and Tanjirou would not- could not let that happen. They were a family now, after everything they were supposed to be a family.
The hallways are dark, lacking the life that makes the infirmary feel like home, things are different now. In the absence of Kouchou Shinobu the mansion seemed less like a bustling system it used to have, like an insect that had lost its head and was struggling to stay alive. Tanjirou wandered the mansion sword drawn with his injured arm in a sling as he opened door after door. He searched for Inosuke with a growing panic and he quickened his pace, the scent of grief was stronger here, it practically dripped from the walls as he jogged through. The demons were gone, but he hadn’t acclimated to the absence of them yet. He wasn’t used to the feeling of safety, Tanjirou couldn’t stand the rapid thump thump of his heart as he rushed through the halls. No Inosuke in the kitchens or in the training rooms, some of the rooms still stunk of wisteria and he didn’t know how some of the others could stand it. He stumbled upon one of the laboratories and nearly fell to his knees. The vials were left untouched, droppers and flasks with powders and solutions that were never used; unfinished experiments and medicines that would live untouched until someone mustered enough courage to disturb them. He closes the door with a dull thud and chugs on, blindly walking through until coming to a stuttered stop, his shoulders sagging in relief at the sight of Inosuke sprawled in the courtyard, looking at the sky.
Tanjirou joins him without a word and they watch the sky together. He wants to think the Hashira are up there waving hello. Except for Obanai, he definitely wasn’t waving.
“Do you have dreams?”
They were lying on a bed of grass, shoulders pressed together as Tanjirou listened to the soft breaths of Inosuke. He tries to ignore the distance between him and his sword, he pretends like his fingers don’t itch to have it near, like he doesn’t have to actively fight the urge to keep it within arms reach. He would never lose the instinct to act, to fight for his life against all odds, there wasn’t a switch he could just flip; he couldn’t just turn it off. He still mourned his old life, he would never be the boy on the mountain again. He relishes in the feeling of being alive for just a moment and he focuses each of his senses and closes his eyes. The cicadas had finally come out of the ground, their white noise a sign of changing weather and a new life. The war was becoming a thing of the past and Tanjirou wasn’t sure how he felt about leaving it behind him, he was already unsure of the exact shade of Rengoku’s eyes. He could feel moisture seeping into his pajamas and cooling his skin, along with the heat of Insouke’s shoulder pressed into his. They had grown impossibly close, they were all so tightly knit it was difficult to think one day they wouldn’t be like this.
The butterfly mansion is at its most beautiful at night, drenched in calm and moonlight, they lived in a peaceful bubble away from the world and Tanjirou liked it that way. He felt for his scar, running his finger over the skin, tracing its outline and cursing its existence. He was thankful for its strength, thankful because it kept him alive, but it would be a sorry reminder for the rest of his life.
You’re alive. All you can do is live.
He turns his face and studies Inosuke, watching his chest rise and fall and he smiles despite it all. Inosuke was nice to look at, he was pretty; behind the boar’s head and the loudness Inosuke was pretty and Tanjirou appreciated it. Inosuke was pretty in the same way a dandelion was, they grew beautiful in harsh conditions and maintained their beauty, undeterred by their surroundings. They always came back, no matter what you threw at them.
“I do.” he finally whispers, bringing his hand down to his heart and feeling it beat within his chest. They said it was going to be difficult for a while, that he would feel guilty for a long time. Tanjirou doesn’t understand that part as much, he misses them, he misses them all but he carries their memory with him. He will keep them alive within him for as long as he can.
He watches as Insouke holds his right pinkie up to the sky and the deep sigh that escapes him makes Tanjirou ache. Inosuke had changed, it showed through in small increments but Tanjirou could see through the cracks. He wondered what went through Insouke’s head, what he had seen to make him change when he thought no one was looking. It was hard to tell without knowing him, he was still loud. He was still running around causing havoc for everyone around him and Tanjirou watched from the sidelines. He couldn’t help but catch the way Inosuke’s shoulders slumped when the day reached its end. The way he sought out Aoi on their laziest days and watched her do her chores for hours in complete silence. He didn’t wear the boar’s head for this, he would watch from the corner of the room with it resting at the crown of his head. Tanjirou always wondered what it was that ran through his head.
Inosuke clears his throat and Tanjirou watches as his hand falls back to the ground and he hears a quiet sniffle.
“She visits me.” Inosuke grunts. “ She flies down on her butterfly wings and tells me to be good. She reaches her pinkie towards me and then she’s gone.”
Tanjirou didn’t know what to say, he scooted closer, offering whatever comfort that he could muster.
The Insect Hashira was a deadly genius, she was revered by the entirety of the Demon Slayer Corps and even those who weren’t. Shinobu was kind, compassionate, and she was someone he never imagined losing, he hadn’t really imagined losing anyone. Tanjirou often found himself looking for her without realizing, he wanted her to smile, something without anger and malice, he wanted her to smile for real.
Inosuke was a loose cannon, a weapon of mass destruction, he was an unstoppable force, but grief was an immovable object, and Tanjirou was finally seeing them clash. Inosuke’s shoulders shook with anguish and he cried, he cried so hard Tanjirou had to grab him and pull him close. Inosuke fought him, shoving at his shoulders and trying to squirm out of his hold. Tanjirou wasn’t as strong as he used to be, but he held firm.
“Let go! I’m stronger than you, I don’t need all this lovey dovey crap! I’m the beast pillar and I’m stronger than all of you put together!”
His voice was cracking, a thick garbling of words fell from his mouth and then Inosuke finally gave in, sagging into Tanjirou’s arms like a child who had nowhere else to go.
“I miss my mom.” he murmured. It was the softest Tanjirou had ever heard his friend speak, a tone so meek he wouldn’t believe it if he hadn’t heard it himself.
Tanjirou felt two arms envelop him, he worked as an anchor and he was alright with that. He stroked at Inosuke’s hair as he sobbed, blubbering words about healing injuries and pigs.
“I kept my promise. I kept my promise.”
Tanjirou could do nothing, he held him close, breathed him in and let it run its course.
***
Inosuke often visited three graves in the forest.
He trekked to them as often as he could carrying bunches of flowers and food that he thought they would all like to eat together. The trip was half a day’s worth of walking and he always went alone. He never told anyone where he was going, he would leave and come back without a word of explanation and he liked it that way. He had placed their makeshift graves in a field of wildflowers, surrounded by trees and other animals. Inosuke could sense the animals in the forest, he would spot their tracks and droppings and mourn the mother who raised him. He often saw the footprints of wild boar and he longed for the strength to run away with them again. No more monsters, no more loss, but he knew he would miss the others. The thought of leaving them behind kept him going back to the butterfly house. Tanjirou and his other minions couldn’t live without him, that was for sure.
He set his swords down, the clink of the metal made the forest go quiet, and Inosuke took the boar’s head off, shaking out his hair as he sat cross legged in front of the graves. The stones were planted into the ground set about 6 inches apart and he stared at them, head held high as he paid his respects.
He had carved images in two of them, he had worked at the stones with a knife and sat for hours perfecting what he could. On one there was a butterfly, its wings made to mimic that of Shinobu’s hair clip. The other showed a crude drawing of a pig, its legs were a little too short and he couldn’t quite get the nose right but he did his best. The last was left unmarked, untouched by him after all this time.
Inosuke undoes the clasps of his pack and fishes out 3 bundles of flowers that he had thrown together at the mansion. He picked them in secret, hoping none of the girls would catch him and tell him to stop ruining their gardens. He stole food from the kitchens or asked Aoi for an extra plate before setting out, she always gave it to him and he couldn’t help but beam at her every time.
He places each bundle in front of the graves gingerly, and sets out rice balls for each, he leaves 2 for the grave marked with a pig and then he pulls out his own food. Inosuke indulges with them, enjoying his food and rattling off to all 3 about his greatness. He retells old stories, recounting his most significant journeys and the way he always came out on top. Inosuke doesn’t stop talking until he feels at peace, until he feels he’s said what needed to be said and then the silence consumes him. He bows his head and brings his hands together, he owes them a moment of silence for all they had done for him, for all they had lost for him. They would always be his mothers.
He couldn’t remember his birth mom well, all he really had were snippets of a song she used to sing and he hummed it to himself often. It was a bandaid on a sword wound but it did what it could, it healed in him whatever it touched. The tune kept him company when he needed it most, it kept him sane when he wondered where it was that he came from. He thinks he remembers her eyes, Inosuke thinks they look like his.
His boar mother was strong, a force to be reckoned with, she raised him to be a fighter, to be a beast who wins. He would always miss the feeling of her fur on his face and the kindness she showed him.
Koucho was confusing at first, an unfamiliar presence that flitted in and out of his life. She scolded him in that soft voice and made him feel better. When he burst through her window he hadn’t expected her to be so nice to him. He wasn’t sure what came over him, what compelled him to listen to her and follow all her rules, she was a reminder of what he never had.
When he was well and done he placed the boar’s head back over his face and took deep breaths, controlling himself before turning back. He tore through the forest, excited to get home. Inosuke could hear the lively sounds of the forest as ran through the trees, the chirping of the birds and the flap of insect wings filled him with strength.
He could see the lights of the mansion from a distance and he cackled at the sight, knowing that his minions were surely missing him at this point. He walks the rest of the way gathering his thoughts and getting his last moments in the forest to himself, when he finally reaches the doors to the estate he says a silent thank you to those he’s left behind. Inosuke pushes through the door, heading towards the cacophony of voices coming from the kitchen. He can hear Zenitsu shrieking and he grins maniacally.
He shoves the door open and is welcomed with open arms. The shouts of his friends as he walks into a bustling room filled with joy.
Inosuke is finally home.