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Your hands shake as the nurse leads you to a room tucked away on the far left end of the hallway. Deep breaths do little to quell your nerves as you consider the time and distance between you and the man waiting on the other side of the heavy wooden door.
Eleven months. Eleven months and an entire war.
A lot has changed for you in that time and you weren't even involved in the struggle against Eren Yeager and his genocidal plan. You can't imagine how things have changed for Levi. How his feelings may have changed. The thought makes the knot in your stomach tighter, squeezing oppressively. Your own feelings certainly haven't changed an iota and you know they never will, regardless of the thoughts of the object of them.
Your mild panic is cut short when the nurse knocks and opens the door and you get a view of the man you love for the first time in eleven long months.
He is sitting in a wheelchair facing away from the door and toward the large window at the far side of the room. A tray loaded with a teapot and cups rests on a small table in front of and slightly to his right and you smile at the familiar sight of a cup of the steaming liquid in his hands.
“Mr. Ackerman? You have a visitor.” The nurse squeezes your shoulder before leaving the room.
In front of you, still staring out at the park across the street, Levi scoffs and you can perfectly imagine the eyeroll that you are sure accompanies it. “You can tell Onyonkapon that he doesn't have to babysit me. I can wipe my own ass just fine.”
You begin the slow walk around the bed to the empty armchair next to him. “Oh well that's good to hear. I'll be sure to pass the message along to Onyonkapon next time I see him.”
Levi's head snaps up and over at the sound of your voice and the eye that isn't covered in bandages widens. Your name escapes his mouth in a short, surprised breath. “I thought. . .”
“That I was Onyonkapon?” You tease.
His face twists, “That you were dead.”
“Oh.” You collapse into the chair less gracefully than you had hoped and look over at him, taking in just how much he had lost. Bandages plaster his face from his right eye across his lips and down to his chin. His left cheek bears scars and two fingers are missing from his right hand. His left knee is set in a cast. These physical maladies are disheartening enough to see on their own but you know that emotional and mental scars lie hidden under the surface too. Though there is something visual to those as well. His shoulders hang heavy and his eyes are dull and tired. You can't even begin to fathom the emotional pain and overwhelming loss he must be handling but you want to try to help him shoulder it. You take a deep breath, “Well of course I'm not dead. It would take more than a little rumbling to take me out. I was trained by Humanity's Strongest Soldier after all.”
Levi's eyebrows (well, the one you can see anyway) rise and he watches you from the corner of his eye. “Is that right?”
“Not trained-trained but you know, he taught me some self defense and stuff.”
His voice is deadpan, “And this self defense was meant to keep you safe from titans.”
“No, I think he knew that there wasn't much I could do if I ever faced a titan. That was his territory. That's why he left me behind - so he could take care of the titans and keep me out of their hands. But he taught me self defense to keep me safe from everything else while he was gone.”
Levi's eyes are fixed on a spot on the wall below the window and his jaw is tight as he asks, “And do you resent him? For leaving you behind?”
“I don't think I could resent him if I tried. Besides, he was Humanity's Strongest after all. I knew he could never fully be mine as long as humanity needed him. I understood and accepted that long before I realized I love him.”
The tips of his ears are pink now and you can almost see his pulse thrumming in his throat but he swallows hard and gives another of his infamous scoffs before saying, “Humanity's Strongest? What a ridiculous name. Man's gotta be an arrogant ass to use it.”
“Yeah I thought so too at first.” Levi finally looks at you, more out of shock than anything else. His face softens as you continue, “But then I got to know him. I saw how deeply he cared about his fellow soldiers, how earnestly he wanted to help the world, and how soft and gentle he could be with those he loved. He was physically strong, yeah. His battle prowess was unmatched. But I think a lot of his true strength came from his grit and his compassion.”
“Yeah well.” Levi knocks an angry fist against his bad leg, “A lot of good all that physical strength did him. I hear he's pretty useless and pathetic now.”
“I haven't heard that at all. People still greatly admire him. And the man I knew didn't care what other people thought of him anyway. He was above it all.”
“He cares what one person thinks.” He looks directly at you for the first time and you feel your blood rush to your face, heart rate picking up. “He wanted to protect her and provide for her. But he was only ever good at being a weapon and now that he can't even do that, he's not sure what he can offer her.”
Dampness graces your cheeks and you realize that Levi's words had made you cry. You swallow thickly and speak through the tears slowly gliding down the contours of your face. “I'm sure he'll figure it out. And I'm sure she doesn't agree that he's useless or pathetic at all.”
“I just. . . . I worry that she deserves better. Better than a physically and emotionally beaten man.”
“Again I'm sure she disagrees. And deserve and want are two different things. And-” your voice breaks, nervous that your next statement is too presumptuous. “And if he feels so strongly for her, wouldn’t he think that she deserves to have what she wants? So, if she wants him, wouldn’t she deserve to have him?
“And if he's not good for her? If he’s a burden?”
Exasperation quickly replaces your sorrow over the words being said, “Will you please stop being so insulting? You're talking about my fiance, you know.”
A soft wheeze erupts from Levi's chest and his eyebrows nearly disappear into his hairline. “I wasn't aware Humanity's Strongest Soldier was engaged.”
You feel your face flush and suddenly feel the urge to look away. You stare at his shoulder, avoiding his eyes. “Okay so he's not engaged yet but-”
“Not yet?” Amusement flushes his features and a spark lights in his eyes.
You take a deep breath. “No, because I haven't asked him to marry me yet.”
“But you plan to?”
“Yes.” Your voice is stronger and more certain than it has been this whole conversation and you are finally able to meet his eyes again.
A smile stretches across his marred lips. “Well you better get a move on then.”
Wordlessly you slide down to the floor and shift until you are kneeling directly in front of him. Your stomach flutters until you meet his gaze once more, unwavering and sure and so warm despite their cool coloring. You find that you can no longer feel nervous and the force of the joy that overtakes you causes the tears to spill from your eyes like a river. You ignore them and reach for Levi's right hand with both of your own. His brow furrows as he studies you but you ignore that too. “Levi, you are-”
“No.”
“No?” Your voice comes out smaller than you intended and your distress must be written all over your face because Levi immediately course-corrects.
“Not no to your proposal, just no to this.” He gestures broadly at you. “We're equals. We should be equals. I don't want you kneeling before me like you're somehow less than me.” The hand trapped between yours tugs upwards. “Just get up here. Please.”
You stand and begin to turn towards your previously abandoned chair but Levi has other plans. His hands grip your waist firmly and gently force you down onto his lap. In your surprise, you nearly smash your skull against his forehead but you catch yourself in time and settle carefully - so as not to press against his cast - with your hands on his shoulders and your legs splayed over either thigh. The position is intimate and cozy and eliminates almost all space between you and the loving gleam in his eyes. “Better,” he says and you were sure his voice is rougher than it had been. “Now, please do proceed.”
“Oh.” You know you need to say something but you can feel his fingers softly kneading into the small of your back, and feel his breath across your cheeks, and you are finding it incredibly difficult to string any kind of coherent thought together. “I. . . I had this whole speech prepared but I can't seem to remember any of it now.” A breathless laugh escapes you and Levi's eyes soften. His good hand moves to cup your face tenderly.
“I just really love you.” You finally manage to blurt out. “I love you more than I have words to express and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. And whatever comes after that.” it is like a dam burst and the words are falling from your mouth faster. “I know we've been separated for a while now but I never once stopped loving you and missing you and I can't bear the thought of missing you any longer. I don't care where we go or what we do - I just want to be with you. If you'll have me.” A nervous laugh slips between your suddenly dry lips when there is no immediate response. “I'm sorry this is so messy and backwards.” You’re rambling now. Nerves taking over. “I don't even have a ring to offer you and I -”
“I have one.”
“. . . Pardon?”
“Left breast pocket of my jacket on the hook by the door.”
Your mouth hangs open like a fish and you blink once, twice, three times before Levi sighs and says, “Are you deaf or just stupid?” The words are harsh but his tone is soft as is the look in his eye and the subtle upwards curve on the left corner of his mouth. “Left breast pocket. Uniform jacket. By the door.” He softly pats the side of your thigh, dangerously close to your rear, encouraging you to get a move on.
You do. Your legs are wobbling and your head is spinning but you manage to make your way over to his jacket where you plunge your hand into the indicated pocket to find two rings. When you pull them out you discover that they are nearly identical. Two perfect simple silver bands but one is thinner with a small diamond set in the center. They’re perfect and you spend so long looking at them that Levi eventually has to pull you back to reality.
“I can’t imagine you got lost in the folds of my jacket.”
You stumble back to him, dazed and so so in love, never taking your eyes off of the rings once. When you get close enough, Levi pulls you into his lap once more. You’re sure he’s looking at you, waiting for some kind of response but you can’t look away from the solid symbol of this incredible man’s love for you.
“How long?” You whisper it and worry for a moment that he won’t know what you mean.
But he does. Of course he does. “I bought them before the Scouts left for Marley. Before I. . . Before I left you.” There is heartbreak in his tone but you find that your own heart is soring.
“You knew even that far back?”
Levi sighs your name and gently cups your jaw once more. “I think, deep down, I knew from the moment I met you. I was just too stubborn and stupid to figure it out sooner. Part of my soul always craved you” He pauses, searching your eyes. “It’s part of the reason I left you behind. It was dangerous and I couldn’t bear the thought of you being harmed. I thought you’d be safer. I was wrong. Forgive me.”
“Oh Levi,” You cup his jaw on the opposite side that his hand rests on your own face and press your forehead against his. “There is nothing to forgive.”
“You’re too good to me.” His voice is low and almost husky and it makes you shiver a little in his arms.
You smile, “Well, it seems I’ve finally found something I can best you in: Being good to you. For you are far too hard on yourself.”
“I’d be honored to spend the rest of my life losing to you.”
“You better put that ring on my finger then.”
You lean in to kiss him but he pulls back just enough to look in your eyes properly. “No can do.” He smirks at the outrage creeping on your face.”You never asked me, you see.”
You open your mouth to protest but he cuts you off. “You said wonderful, amazing things that I am going to dream about for the rest of my life, sure. But you never did actually ask the question.“
You roll your eyes and lean in once more, placing one hand on the curve where his neck meets his shoulder and the other on his injured cheek. “Levi Ackerman, you are the love of my life and the source of my joy. You are everything I ever wanted and I could never imagine that I would get to have you. I want to give my life to you and spend all of my days by your side. Will you please -”
You're cut off by Levi pressing his lips to yours. He kisses you fervently, almost desperately and you laugh into the kiss pulling away after several seconds. His lips follow you, dotting over your cheeks, nose, and jaw. “You didn’t let me finish!” You protest between your giggles.
Levi ceases his barrage of affection and holds your face between two hands. “Yes.” He says simply, and then he kisses you again, sending your heart racing and your mind melting.
You’re so lost in the softness of his lips and eager probing of his tongue that you don’t notice when he pulls one hand away from your face to pluck one abandoned ring off of your lap. You’re still too elated and dizzy from the deep kiss to notice when he grabs your left hand and slips the ring on your fourth finger but once you manage to pull yourself away from him after several long minutes, you realize that the weight now on your finger feels natural, comfortable, perfect. Absolutely perfect. Just like the man beneath you and the life you will build with him.