Chapter Text
James had always lived in his older brother’s shadow.
Growing up, he knew good and well that he wasn’t his parents’ favorite. Darwin was the golden child, the prim and proper prince, the most fitting heir of the estate.
James may as well have not been there, as far as his parents were concerned. He didn’t know why they even bothered to have him, nearly four years after Darwin was born. They didn’t need a second heir, that much was certain with how they largely acted like he didn't exist in the first place.
He was slated to act as the second in line for the estate, as if anything would happen that would pull their precious, perfect Darwin out of the running.
It wasn’t that James wanted to be the head of the household one day, anyways. He was satisfied enough to blend into the background of family photos, to stand slightly off to the side to make it clear he was the unwanted of the two.
Truthfully, he didn’t pity Darwin one bit. He saw how much stress his older brother was put under daily. He witnessed first-hand how his "princely lessons," whatever that meant, wore him down, threatening to take away any spark of his true personality.
A true personality that only James bore witness to, in the safety of the night when Darwin snuck into his bedroom after their parents had fallen asleep. It was only then that Darwin would allow himself to laugh, to cry, to smile so hard that his teeth showed or turn his lips downward until frown lines formed between his eyebrows.
James didn't want that for himself, he held no desire to put on an act of poise and pretentiousness that didn’t reflect his true self. So yeah, he preferred things this way. He could frown whenever he liked and faced only minimal scolding, because he wasn't expected to be the spokesperson for the family. He could roll his eyes and shake his head, and he'd be dismissed as nothing more than a bratty teen who was going through his rebellious phase.
The best part of being the forgotten child was his uncanny ability to sneak off now and then without being noticed. During those times, he holed himself away in his room and played games on the console Darwin snuck into the manor for him.
They were both basically treated like prisoners in this huge mansion. They had private tutors who taught them every subject, so they didn't even have the excuse of school to allow them to see the light of day. It drove James stir-crazy, how he was doomed to rot in this huge house with no outside connections.
Their parents were paranoid freaks, convinced that if their sons went outside unattended, they'd be gunned down. No amount of James trying to convince them that this wasn't the 1950s anymore and nobody gave much of a fuck about one of many families with even an ounce of royal blood flowing through their veins swayed them.
Darwin was allowed out sometimes, only when their parents wanted him to be photographed doing good deeds to feed their agenda. They loved to drag him along to charity events, fundraising for various organizations. It was funny to James, because with their wealth, they could easily donate large sums of money on their own without holding such grand, performative events.
It was during one such outing that Darwin managed to sneak away long enough to purchase a gaming console. Their parents would freak out if they knew James had it, something about how gaming wasn't proper and who knew what the other players might be up to. As if anyone would be crazy enough to use an online first-person shooter to stalk a potential second-in-line prince.
James didn't give much of a fuck about the whole "royalty" thing. He just wanted to be a normal guy, who got to wear whatever he wanted and talk to whomever he chose. As it stood, he was confined mostly to his room, because it was the only place his parents never bothered to walk into. Why check on little old James when they could be doting on their perfect child instead?
Not to say that Darwin was any bit like their parents. Sure, he blended in with them well, always ready to play the part of the perfect son. But he was caring in ways their parents were decidedly not, looking after James since he was a mere toddler.
He was the one who taught James how to read, mostly because he didn't let a single night pass without reading James a bedtime story. He'd haul a variety of books into James' bedroom after dark and allow him to choose one. They weren't childish books, either. They were huge ones, with word counts four-year-old James could hardly even imagine.
Darwin would read one chapter per night to him, making sure he could see the pages and follow along. Before he knew it, he was able to recognize certain letters and words.
His tutors had been amazed when James needed hardly any teaching to be able to read above his grade level. They called him a child prodigy, not that his parents cared about that. It wasn't true anyway, he wasn't very gifted at all, he just thrived under his big brother's care and attention.
Darwin was the real child prodigy, who managed to read proficiently by the age of eight, enough to teach his younger brother how to read too.
Darwin taught him how to ride a bike when he was six years old, even though it took a lot of begging their parents to allow it. They didn't want their sons to have a single scratch, obsessed with keeping up a pristine image. In the end, Darwin always knew how to get them to agree. James didn't know how he did it, but he reaped the benefits every time.
James had cried when he ended up falling down and skinning his knee, blood staining the concrete pathway in the middle of the garden. Not because it hurt, it wasn't much more than a small sting that could easily be ignored.
No, he cried because he knew he would get in trouble, and he'd have to face the scowl of his father as he was shouted at for injuring himself and dirtying his pants with blood and grout.
James preferred when his parents ignored his presence, it was much easier to deal with than when they yelled at him.
Darwin, at just ten years old, held him close and told him he would take care of it. And he did. He always did. Their parents didn't scold James at all, and Darwin tended diligently to his small wound, covering it with a large, colorful bandage.
Darwin was not only the perfect son, but also the perfect brother. And while the former may have been a mere act to keep their parents happy, the latter was genuine. No matter how much James was ignored by their parents, Darwin never made him feel forgotten.
He paid a visit every night, even when James was no longer a child who needed a bedtime story to fall asleep. One such night, when James was ten and Darwin was fourteen, the older was giggling to himself as he made his usual trek to James' bed.
James sat up properly on his mattress, smiling at his brother's exhilaration. It wasn't an emotion he often got to see his brother display, an elated smile lighting up his features and a twinkle in his eyes that made him appear more alive. "What's so funny, Winnie?"
Darwin all but jumped onto his bed, irises shining in wonder. "I heard it, Jamesy. The voice that our tutors talked about."
James gasped, mouth dropping open in surprise. The concept of soulmates wasn't new to him, it was something their tutors had been telling them about since they could talk. They knew that one day, the pretty voice of a lady would fill their head, letting them in on her thoughts.
When they were older, they'd be allowed to meet their soulmate. And if she was deemed fit to be married into the family (which she should, because their soulmate would obviously be someone who perfectly fit into their lifestyle), then they would get married and that would be that.
Darwin was filled with excitement, not allowing James to get a word in edgewise, mouth running a mile a minute. It was the most eager James had ever seen him, which made him happy. But he was also sad, because he wished he could see this side of his brother more often, all burdens of the crown fallen to the wayside as he rambled about something that brought him genuine joy.
"I was waiting for mother and father to fall asleep, then I heard someone speak directly into my head! They said," Darwin deepened his voice theatrically before continuing, "How am I supposed to sleep with all this racket? I should go out there and smack him with his construction hat!"
James giggled at the silliness of the phrase, as well as how funny the exaggerated deep voice Darwin put on was. "Why does she sound like that?"
Darwin paused then, smile turning sheepish as his gaze dropped down to the mattress. "Well, it's… not a girl."
James blinked a few times, allowing that information to sink in. He'd never considered the possibility of his brother's soulmate not being a girl. After all, the only model he had for a relationship was his parents. And his tutors were always talking about how he'd make some young lady very happy someday, whatever that meant.
But he hated the way Darwin looked then, almost apprehensive, shifting around and fingers twitching as if he was unsure how James would react. As if James would ever feel anything but unconditional love for his caring older brother.
He decided then and there, anything that made Darwin happy was okay with him. Anything to wipe that nervous look off his face and return the smile that had waned to make space for insecurity.
"Sounds like he's funny, maybe he can make even stuffy mom and dad laugh."
"Mother and father," Darwin gently corrected him, out of habit more than anything else. Because his parents always scolded him when he didn't speak as properly as they liked, and Darwin tried to get him to use the correct speech to spare him the lecture. But then, he seemed to register the rest of James' sentence, for his eyes widened. "You don't care that it's a boy?"
James shook his head, rolling his eyes. "Winnie, why would I care about that? You're still my big brother."
Darwin's delighted smile from before was successfully put back in place, and he pulled James into a hug so tight that all his breath was squeezed out of his body.
When Darwin released him, it was only to hold his pinky out in front of James' face. "Pinky promise to not tell mother and father about this?"
James gazed at his finger with confusion, eyebrows furrowing together. "But why? Don't you need their help to find your soulmate?"
Darwin's smile was tinged with sadness, and his eyes were pools of complex emotions that James was too young to understand. Perhaps years later, when he looked back on the memory, he'd be able to decipher why his brother, who had been forced to grow up too fast and should've been doing nothing but laughing with glee, held such deep melancholy in his gaze.
"Just let your big brother worry about that, okay?"
At the moment, James couldn't really understand. But he linked their pinkies together all the same, because he knew it was always him and Darwin against the world. He trusted his brother, and if this was best kept a secret, he'd go along with it without question. It wasn't like James ever told his parents anything, anyway.
Things continued on as they always had. The only thing that changed was that, among their usual gossiping in the dead of night, Darwin would tell him tidbits of what Lava, his soulmate, had said to him throughout the day.
That was always James' favorite part of their meetings, only because Darwin actually looked his age when he talked about his soulmate, eyes shining in childish glee as his facade of forced maturity slipped temporarily out of place.
Darwin was always complaining to him about how irritating it was to put on plastic smiles for the cameras and wear stuffy suits that made breathing difficult. But he was such a natural at it, you’d think the polite smile was plastered permanently on his face, the stiff posture just a part of his usual gait.
Whereas James appeared anything but natural, always tugging on the uncomfortably tight blazers with his lips pressed into a thin line, refusing to be a pawn in his parents' games. They never treated him like he mattered in the grand scheme of things, so he didn't care to go out of his way to go along with their plans.
He was satisfied with being the problem child, the one who would never live up to any expectations. He grew comfortable with his role, with the way they never anticipated anything great coming from him.
That is, until his entire world was turned upside down on one random night, not long after his fourteenth birthday.
“James, I’m turning eighteen soon. You know what that means, right?”
Darwin was sitting on the edge of his bed, a familiar position. What wasn't so familiar was the serious look on his older brother's face, dark circles painted under his sunken eyes as if he hadn't slept in days, not so much as a hint of a smile curling about his lips. And the way he addressed James, lacking the usual playful syllable added onto the end of his name, was another indication something was amiss.
James tilted his head to the side, regarding Darwin with quiet contemplation. Of course, there was an obvious answer to this question, but it didn't really explain why Darwin appeared so pensive. Still, it was the only explanation he could think of, so he went with it. “Your coronation?”
Sure, these may not be the olden days when princes were promoted to kings and lived in grand palaces. But still, coronations were a huge deal, marking the passage of power from one generation to the next. Darwin had been trained since birth to take over the family estate, to run their manor's affairs and be the spokesperson for the family.
Darwin turned to him with the grimmest expression he’d ever seen painted across his face. “Yes, but… I’m not talking about that.” He gave a frustrated sigh, running a hand through his hair, messing it up from its typically neatly-styled form. “Jamesy, they… they want me to marry a woman. A princess from a neighboring province.”
James' blood ran cold, and suddenly he understood why Darwin looked like he was at death's door.
Darwin had successfully kept his secret of having a soulmate for four years. Every time James asked why he wouldn't tell their parents, he gave that same sad smile and told him he was too young to understand.
So far, Darwin lacking a soulmate wasn't too suspicious to their parents. Many people didn't hear their soulmate's voice until their late teens. But Darwin was turning eighteen very soon, which was largely considered to be the hard limit. If you reached your eighteenth year in life with no voice ringing in your head, you were most likely soulmateless.
It wasn't like it was unheard of for people to lack a soulmate, but it certainly wasn't the norm. Only a small portion of the population fit into that classification. And their parents, seemingly assuming Darwin belonged to that category, were ready to marry him off to the most suitable woman they found.
The problem was, Darwin did have a soulmate. And he certainly didn't intend to be forced into a marriage born out of greed rather than love when his soulmate had waited four long years just for the possibility of meeting him. And with Darwin's birthday fast approaching, something had to give.
Over the years, Darwin had gotten very close with Lava. They shared all of their thoughts, and James caught him fighting a smile around their parents on countless occasions, no doubt finding something Lava thought particularly amusing.
James almost felt jealous of him, if only when it came to this one thing. Because he was now at the age Darwin was when he first heard Lava's voice, but he heard nothing. He thought it would be nice to have someone to share his thoughts with, someone who would understand him other than his older brother.
Because as much as Darwin tried his best to look after him, he was a very busy man. James spent many hours of his days alone, when he wasn't being tutored. Sure, he made the best of it by playing as many games as he wanted in the privacy of his room, but he longed for company.
He'd never dare complain, though. Because he knew how hard Darwin worked, how much he studied and practiced various instruments until his fingers bled, attended events until he nearly fainted from exhaustion, held onto his fake smile even when his head was pounding from a migraine.
And yet, he always made sure to visit James at the end of the day. He never let his exhaustion stop him from seeing his younger brother. Even if it meant crying into his hands as James patted his back, even if it meant asking James to help him bandage his torn fingertips, even if it meant fainting into James' bed. James always made sure to tuck him in properly and allow him a small nap when that happened.
James took it upon himself to stay awake as Darwin napped. Mostly because he knew they couldn't risk him getting caught in James' room. If their parents knew about their late-night meetings, they'd surely put a stop to them, claiming that "good princes" go to bed early.
James would allow him to rest for a few hours before waking him up, even though he wished he didn't have to.
"I fell asleep?," Darwin would groggily mutter, rubbing at his eyes. James had to hold back a frown every time, because he knew Darwin hadn't simply fallen asleep. He'd collapsed, his body had given out on him as soon as he made it to James' bed. That was the only explanation for his eyes already being closed before his head hit the pillow.
Frankly, it was very impressive that he'd managed to hold himself up long enough to make it to the mattress, rather than crash out on the floor along the way. That would be a frightful mess, Darwin getting caught in the morning snoozing away on the tiled floor of the hallway.
So yeah, James never tried to beg Darwin to spend more time with him, no matter how lonely he got. He knew his older brother was doing his absolute best. But still, that didn't put a stop to James' loneliness, and he wished to one day soon have a soulmate of his own to share his thoughts with.
But now, seeing how distraught Darwin was made it seem like not such a grand idea after all.
“Can’t you just tell them you won’t do it?,” James asked, in true childish fashion. Well, he was still a child, after all. And his older brother had always been able to sway his parents, whether it was into allowing them to have cookies after dinner (they always said "No" when James asked) or letting them play in the garden during the sunniest hour (they didn’t want their precious Darwin to get sunburnt.)
Darwin shook his head miserably. “I already tried. I even told them about Lava, but it only made them more eager to marry me off. They intend to… force me.” Darwin never looked as small as he did then, a deep frown out of place on his face and worry lines creasing his brow. “I have to leave, I can’t take it anymore. Lava, he… he’s waiting for me.”
James didn’t think his parents would stoop so low as to go against the very foundation of society, the soulmate system, just to ensure their bloodline continued. They should be rejoicing that Darwin had a soulmate after all, they should be inviting Lava to the mansion and giving their blessing.
Of course, that was just a pipe dream. Having a man as a soulmate meant no heirs could be birthed from their union, which was a major taboo in their circles. Their parents really were that obsessed about the whole royalty thing, they'd rather make Darwin miserable for his entire life than allow him to be with a man.
James recalled when Darwin first told him about Lava, uncontrolled giggles falling from his lips. His smile was wide and bright, lighting up the room, exuding hopefulness and glee.
James wondered where that excited child was now, because all he saw before him was the defeated form of a man who’d taken on too many burdens that shouldn't have been his to bear.
He hated his parents more than ever at that moment. Hated them for robbing Darwin of his childhood, for wearing him down over the years of constant pressure, for treating him like a plastic doll that was all theirs to dress up and parade around and brag about to other royal families.
"James, you have to come with me. I’ll take care of you." Darwin nodded to himself, as if it was just a fact of life that James would tag along in his escape attempt. "We’ve never needed all of this, you know. All we need is you and me."
James could hardly see through the tears blurring his eyes, which he tried to blink away, but they just kept coming. They fell down his cheeks, quiet lines of misery that spelled out his grief for his brother's suffering. “I… I can’t.”
Darwin appeared surprised, one hand frozen where it had been rising to wipe away James' tears. An instinctual move, perhaps, one born from many years of comforting his little brother. "Why not?”
James swallowed against the lump in his throat, moving to sit directly beside Darwin, legs hanging off the edge of the bed. “Think about it, Winnie. If they’re left with no heir, what do you think our parents will do?”
“Kick rocks and deal with it?”
James snorted, always amused to hear Darwin speaking in such an unrefined way. He was the only person privy to Darwin's snarky side, other than perhaps Lava, who was probably listening to their conversation through Darwin's thoughts.
“No, dummy. They’ll stop at nothing to find you. You’ll never be safe.” He heaved a heavy sigh, wiping away his own tears, as it seemed like he’d have to do from then on if his brother was really leaving like this. “At least, if I’m here… they’ll still have an heir, maybe I can convince them to leave you alone.”
Darwin’s face crumpled, and now he was the one with tears pearling in his eyes. “Don’t say that, it’s not your responsibility. Fuck, it shouldn’t be either of our responsibility."
James took a shaky breath, grabbing one of Darwin’s hands to hold it like how his big brother always did to soothe him in times of crisis. “You’ve spent your whole life taking care of me and putting on an act for our parents. You deserve to be happy, too.”
Darwin's gaze dropped to their joined hands, melancholic and defeated. “But what about you, James?"
“I’ll manage. And besides, I haven’t heard my soulmate’s voice yet." He knocked his shoulder lightly against Darwin's, trying to dispel some of the tension by being playful. It didn't really work. "Maybe she's a princess and our parents will get the grandchildren they always wanted, and you can live in peace with Lava.”
Darwin's free hand lifted to wipe away the fresh tears falling down James' face, a twinge of fondness finding a home on his otherwise downtrodden face. "I swore to never tell you this, you know. But it's all I can think of to convince you."
That was how James learned just why his parents were so keen to toss him aside like a broken toy, and why Darwin was always playing the part of the perfect son.
You see, James was a fussy baby. And his parents hated that about him, often leaving him for the nannies to deal with so they didn't have to listen to his cries. But what could he do? He was just a baby who yearned for comfort, for his parents, who were supposed to take care of him.
Darwin was nearly four years old when James was born. He'd taken to his younger brother immediately, and even way back then, he was sneaking into James' sleeping quarters. The nannies allowed it, because Darwin was the only person who could get James to stop crying.
Darwin would sit in the rocking chair in the corner of baby James' room. He'd set James down on his lap and rock him until he fell asleep, softly humming to him all the while. His hums were only interrupted by positive affirmations, "I'll always protect you, Jamesy." "Shh, big brother is here."
He'd sit there for hours if that was what it took. Then, when James was asleep, he'd get the nannies to set him down in his bassinet.
James was referred to as a "troublemaker" by the age of three. He would act out, throwing blocks across the room and knocking things down to get any attention from his parents, even in the form of yelling and shouting.
"This isn't how a prince acts," they would tell him, as if he understood what that meant. His childish brain couldn't comprehend why he wasn't allowed to play with other kids his age, why he was expected to sit still for hours at a time and pose for family portraits, why they only ever wanted him to sit down and shut up.
James always ran to Darwin after he was scolded, clinging onto him and crying about how mean their parents were. "It's okay, Jamesy. I won't let anything happen to you. Pinky promise." That was the first time they made a promise in such a way, and it certainly wasn't the last. It became a tradition, and they had many secrets they wouldn't dare tell their parents, all sealed with connected pinkies.
James didn't know just how much Darwin meant those words. Merely seven years old, Darwin marched up to their parents and offered a deal. If they left James alone and didn't try to force him into fitting their image, he would go along with whatever they wanted.
He'd let them dress him up like a doll, parade him around the streets, and force him to speak to as many nobles as they wanted, all with a smile on his face. All they had to do was not turn their scrutinizing gaze to James, allow him to play with toys in the living room even if he made a mess, let him run around and fall down and get hurt because that's just a part of growing up.
In exchange, Darwin would make sure he was always presentable. Always approachable, easy to look at, every part the perfect heir for their family. And James would be allowed to blend into the background as much as possible, easily forgotten, able to sneak off without being noticed.
"Jamesy, if you stayed behind, they'd just make you into their doll next. That's why you have to come with me."
Of course, with Darwin out of the picture, their parents would have no reason to hold up their end of the bargain. He would be their sole heir, and he'd be forced to fill the void left behind by Darwin's absence.
He could kiss any individuality away, say goodbye to his privacy, prepare to be forced to wear makeup and get photographed at all hours of the day. They'd break him down until all he could do was put on that same fake smile Darwin always wore, walking the same dignified strut with his back ramrod straight.
The expression on Darwin's face made it clear he wouldn't be backing down on this front. James knew if he didn't agree, Darwin would probably just stay there and force himself to go through with the arranged marriage so he could continue to watch over James.
Darwin had already sacrificed enough for him. He'd given up enough, James wouldn't allow him to also give up the possibility of being happy with his soulmate. So, when Darwin held out his hand, James linked their pinkies without a second thought. "Okay, Winnie. I'll go with you."
Darwin already had a whole plan set up, which amazed James, because this was the first time he was hearing any of it. Between Darwin's confession about his deal with their parents and this escape plan, James wondered what else Darwin was hiding from him under the pretense of not burdening him.
But now wasn't the time to think about that. For now, he just had to focus on the plan. Darwin was eager to escape as soon as possible, which was why he'd chosen the very next night for it.
Thanks to their parents' paranoia, there were usually two guards stationed at each entrance of the mansion. James had no idea how, but Darwin had somehow arranged it so that only one guard would be present at the back entrance that night.
He'd also managed to bribe that particular guard to conveniently take a bathroom break around midnight. That gave them a fifteen-minute window to slip out undetected.
He was amazed at his big brother's ability to arrange all this. He really was so much more than the golden boy, the poster child for what a prince should be like. Their parents would never expect him to have such a sneaky side.
There was, of course, also the security cameras placed strategically all around the outside of the mansion, including the back garden. This was where the tricky part came in. James had to somehow distract the guard that was watching over the cameras in the security room, long enough for Darwin to override the live feed of the cameras and replace it with a looping pre-recorded feed.
Lava apparently knew a thing or two about hacking security cameras, and James was too afraid to ask what that meant. But what he understood from it was he'd have to put on an act as Darwin's soulmate talked him through switching the feed over.
Darwin had everything planned out to the finest detail, but that did nothing to stop James' anxiety when the time came. There were so many things that could go wrong, which would no doubt end in Darwin being forced to live a miserable existence in an arranged marriage.
Darwin came to fetch him, five minutes to midnight. They snuck through the halls, attempting to make their footsteps as light as possible. Most of the security was centered around the outside of the mansion, to keep intruders out. And to keep them in. So it wasn't that difficult to traverse the halls undetected, when all the staff was sleeping in their designated quarters.
Even still, James' heart pounded with each step, making him feel like he was being super loud when really he was quiet as a mouse.
They reached the security room with minimal effort. Darwin tilted his head towards the door pointedly. "You've got this, Jamesy. Just like we practiced."
James nodded confidently, though he held no real confidence at all. His legs felt like jelly when he approached the door, and his hand shook when he raised it to knock, loud and insistent.
The door swung open, and in the doorway stood a relatively young man, maybe in his late twenties. His face was full of confusion as he gazed down at the boy in front of him. "What is it, Young Master James? Shouldn't you be in bed?"
James took a deep breath, steeling himself to put on the performance of a lifetime. He crossed his arms over his chest, setting his expression into a scowl and letting out an exaggerated huff. "Lowly servant, I demand you lead me to the bathroom this instant."
The man was only getting more confused by the moment, and James watched as his eyebrow twitched in annoyance at the rude manner he was being spoken to. Mind you, James wasn't usually so disrespectful towards the staff. He held nothing against them really, all his hatred was directed towards his parents. But if he had to play the part of a spoiled brat for this to work, then he'd do it in a heartbeat.
"You know where the bathroom is, Young Master. Why do you need me to take you?"
James stomped his foot, looking away as if in embarrassment. He even managed to force his cheeks to go red by holding his breath for a second too long. "It's too dark in the hallway, Jamesy is scared."
He internally cringed at himself, wishing he could sink into his skull until he winked out of existence. This was humiliating, it was borderline torture to be viewed as a big baby who was too scared to use the restroom on his own. But it was the only feasible way to get the security room to be unattended for a few minutes.
"I can't leave my post, let me phone one of the others-"
"No, I can't hold it! Would you rather get fired for letting me use the bathroom right here?"
The guard sighed, stepping over the doorway in assent. Luckily, he decided he didn't get paid enough to argue with a spoiled brat, especially not over something that could be taken care of in mere minutes. "Right this way, Young Master."
And just like that, he was being led away. He resisted the urge to glance behind him to see if Darwin had already snuck into the security room, because that would surely give everything away.
He felt slightly guilty because this guy was definitely getting fired for this. Oh well, maybe he could find a better place to work where his paycheck wasn't controlled by narcissists.
After he pretended to use the restroom, the guard walked him back to the security room, where James dismissed him, "Does it look like I'm incapable of returning to my bedroom alone? Get back to work!"
Darwin was hidden around the corner, and his slight smile told James everything he needed to know. That guard was now watching looping footage, meaning they needed the high-tail it out of there before he discovered anything.
They made their way to the back entrance which, as promised, was abandoned. Lava was waiting for them outside the back gate, ready to drive them off to who-knows-where, anywhere but here.
There was only one problem.
James knew he was correct when he told Darwin their parents would stop at nothing to find them. They'd tear up the entire countryside, send hordes of police out to every neighboring province, they'd even bust out the helicopters. Because what they cared about the most was having a lineage, preserving the bloodline and passing down their wealth to a fitting heir.
Darwin had already thrown away many years of his life for James' sake. He'd taken care of James at every turn, even to the point of transforming himself into a doll for his parents' wishes.
It was James' turn to take care of Darwin. And the only way he could do that was by ensuring Darwin could escape, could run off with his soulmate and live as freely as he'd always wanted.
And sure, James may not be the cream of the crop, he may not be the perfect heir they dreamed of. But Darwin had a much better chance of living a life away from all this if their parents had their hands full with turning James into a proper heir.
He knew what he needed to do.
He just hoped Darwin wouldn't hate him for breaking his promise.
He lagged behind, just a bit, not enough to be noticeable, as they made their way to the back door. When Darwin had fully made it over the threshold, taking that first step towards freedom, James firmly shut and locked the door behind him, creating a barrier between them.
"Jamesy, what are you doing? We don't have time for this, let's go." Darwin tugged on the handle from the outside, but it wouldn't budge.
James was once again swallowing against the lump in his throat, bottom lip trembling as tears filled his eyes. "You're right, you don't have time for this. So just go already, please."
Darwin was beginning to understand where James was going with this, for his tugs on the handle became more insistent, his voice now pleading. "I can't leave you here, Jamesy. Please, just open the door."
James shook his head, though he knew Darwin couldn't see it. Darwin was right when he said this shouldn't be their responsibility, and yet it was.
Because his big brother had made it his life's goal to keep him as protected as he could from the burdens of princely life. He shouldn't have had to throw away his childhood, but he did. Just as James shouldn't have to throw away his future, but he was doing that now.
"Winnie, I love you. Make sure Lava treats you well."
There was a moment of silence, and they both knew the camera trick would be discovered soon, not to mention the guard would be returning. This would all be for nothing if Darwin insisted on begging James to open the door. James was really stubborn when he wanted to be, and this was one thing he was not surrendering on.
Every second spent in silence was a second wasted, time slipping through their fingers. "You have to go now, Winnie. Don't leave your soulmate waiting any longer."
James knew that was a low blow. He knew good and well how guilty Darwin felt for keeping Lava waiting on him for years, simply because he knew their parents would never allow their relationship.
But it was all he could think of to get Darwin to move, to accept the truth that this was the best thing for him. He had to hit him where it hurt, remind him why he'd come up with this entire plot in the first place.
"... I love you too, Jamesy. I'll get you out of there too, if it's the last thing I do."
Then Darwin was off. At least, James assumed so, by the sound of scuttling shoes slipping across asphalt.
And just like that, James was all alone. In this big mansion, filled with empty promises and quiet platitudes.
He sat right in front of the door, face buried in his knees and sobbing his eyes out. That was how he was found, mere minutes later, no doubt by the guard who'd been bribed.
"Young Master James, what are you doing here?"
James didn't say anything, just kept hugging his knees to his chest. Because the one person who could always get him to stop crying was no longer here, leaving his tears to fall like small rivers, overflowing down his cheeks and staining the knees of his pajama pants.
A new set of footsteps arrived, along with an out-of-breath voice that James recognized as the man from the security room. He spoke to the other guard, informing him about the switched footage, and James only hoped Darwin was long gone by now.
He hated how everyone acted like Darwin never existed. The staff had been ordered to forget about him, most likely. They were all supposed to move on and pretend that James, the unruly, unkempt child, had always been the single heir.
As he suspected, his parents didn't expend nearly as much effort tracking down Darwin as they would've if they'd been left with no heir at all. He heard whisperings from the staff when they thought he wasn't listening, that his parents gave up easily because any man who'd run off to be with another man was never fitting to be a true prince in the first place.
It infuriated him to hear his older brother spoken about in such a way, which only heightened his hatred for his parents. But they were determined to whip him into shape, to transform him into an even better heir than Darwin was. The more he rebelled, the more they buried him with various lessons and classes, forcing him to wake up every day at six in the morning for piano lessons, of all things.
On top of the usual school subjects, he was expected to learn various instruments and take courtesy classes, which he felt were the dumbest things ever.
By the time he could catch some rest, it was already midnight and he would have fitful sleep, tossing and turning in the sheets. He never woke up feeling refreshed, in fact, he often woke with dried tears caking his cheeks.
He missed Darwin. His one true source of kindness in this world, gone in the blink of an eye and James didn't know how to live without him. Didn't know how to deal with their parents, how to force his lips into a smile for hours at a time, how to walk around with his back stiff as a board and learn how to do everything "properly." Even sitting and eating had ways of being done improperly, it would seem, for how he was constantly scolded about it.
He'd watched in real time as this lifestyle drained everything out of Darwin, so he wasn’t exactly surprised when it did the same to him. In fact, erasing any ounce of his individuality got to him much faster than it did to his older brother. He wasn't as strong as Darwin. He didn't know how his parents thought they could start over with James, as if he could be even half as good at keeping up with princely duties as Darwin was. He was a pretty poor replacement.
The only thing that kept him going was knowing his brother was out there somewhere, living his dream with Lava. And his midnight gaming sessions, which ensured he would be dead tired by the time he woke up. But playing the games his brother snuck into his room years ago was the one time he felt something other than numbness and dread, so he traded a few hours of feverish sleep every night for it.
Three excruciating years passed, wearing him down more and more each day. No matter how much everyone around him insisted on pretending Darwin never existed, James thought about him every day. His memories of his older brother were the only things that kept him going most days. Knowing now what Darwin had been going through for his entire childhood only made him feel guiltier for being the cause of it.
Talks of his eighteenth birthday began. Since he hadn’t been trained since birth as Darwin had, his parents postponed his coronation. Until they deemed him fit to rule, whatever that meant. If it was up to James, they’d never deem him fit and would just put it off for all of eternity.
As it stood, he was still forced into taking so many classes that meant nothing to him. The highlight of his day, other than when he was playing games when he should long since be asleep, was when he was allowed to paint.
He'd convinced his mother to hire an art tutor, they may as well since he had a tutor for everything else under the sun. He told her that people love art, and they find artists intelligent and insightful. That was enough to sway her into allowing James to add art class to his endless list of duties.
His paintings were straight from his imagination, nature scenes that he could imagine himself witnessing in person if he wasn't stuck inside all day, every day. It was bittersweet, gazing at the lush greenery depicted in his paintings, for he knew he'd never bear witness to such a sight, not even in his wildest dreams.
Seeing as he was seventeen without so much of a whisper of a voice in his head, he'd all but written himself off as not having a soulmate. Sure, he still had some months left before he turned eighteen, but he was well on his way there. Most people already heard their soulmate's voice by now.
Which was another bitter pill to swallow. Because as much as he longed for company, as much as he loathed not being treated like a human by anyone around him, he knew this was for the best.
His life was a miserable one, guided entirely by his controlling parents. After Darwin's escape, you'd better believe they tripled the security measures around the mansion. James couldn't escape even if he tried. Any soulmate James would hypothetically have would only be dragged into this mess, forced to put on paper smiles and play an act nobody actually wanted to play.
That is, if they were even a girl. A girl that his parents approved of, no less. Those were two hurdles that James wasn't sure would be possible for his potential soulmate to beat. It was much easier for all parties involved if he was soulmateless.
He was having a particularly rough day. He'd stayed up until three in the morning playing his games, which meant he slept through his alarm, which earned him a stern talking to by his mother. Then he was scolded further for having dark circles under his eyes, a consequence of only getting three hours of sleep, because he was making a public appearance that day and needed to look his best.
James took all the harsh words silently, staring off into space. He was mostly able to tune the scoldings out by now, but they still stung like alcohol poured into an open wound. Just another reminder that he would never live up to their expectations. Which he was fine with before, when he had Darwin there to take up the mantle.
But now, there was only him, and his parents would never let him forget how much of a disappointment he was.
Then there was the public appearance itself, which was an entire mess. Mostly because James felt one second away from fainting the entire time, because on top of getting hardly any sleep, he'd refused to eat that morning. It was one of the only ways he could quietly rebel, not to mention he didn't have much of an appetite these days anyway.
He was sure he appeared pale and sweaty in the snapshots taken by the photographers at the event, some charity thing run by his parents to serve as a tax write-off. Surely all of the attendants must have known that his parents held no good intentions? They didn't have a single kind bone in their body, not even one amongst both of them.
He was feeling particularly weak when he finally arrived home, but he had to endure more scolding before he was allowed to eat. His parents sat at the head of the table, his chair at the other end.
He sadly gazed at the spot Darwin used to occupy, and his appetite left him once again. But his father was throwing him disapproving looks, so he forced himself to finish his food before excusing himself to shower.
He lay in bed awake that night, no energy left in him to even play games. He gazed up at the darkness of the ceiling, making random shapes out of the shadows. He wondered what Darwin was doing then. Maybe he was also gazing up at the ceiling, but hopefully not in the same miserable manner James was.
He was too weak to cry properly, so a mere few silent tears fell from his eyes as he wondered to himself, Can this life get any worse?
He was so busy wallowing in self-pity that he almost didn't register what happened next.
Holy shit, what was that?
A voice rang out, echoing around his head and reverberating so loudly that he worried his brain would be knocked out of his skull. He clutched at his head, groaning and squeezing his eyes shut. His body had simply been through too much today, even thinking to himself was enough to cause him pain.
Except, when he finally got his wits about himself, he realized that voice sounded nothing like him at all. And it wasn't finished speaking, it would seem, for it continued, Did I just hear a voice? What the fuck, I thought I didn't have a soulmate!!
And just like that, all of his pain was forgotten, instead replaced by an overwhelming sense of dread.
Not only did he have a soulmate after all, but of course it just had to be a man.
His tears started to fall again, and he felt every part that scared little child who would cry into his big brother's arms. Except he was alone now, just him and this voice in his head that James already felt so much pity for. Because his soulmate was doomed to suffer a pitiful fate, and it was all James' fault.
Hello? Are you still there? I must be going crazy.
James inhaled shakily, taking a few more moments to gather his thoughts before attempting to communicate with his soulmate. The least he deserved was a proper greeting, even though James had no idea where they would go from there. Because they could never be together, and he knew that for a fact.
Still, his soulmate was freaking out and James could practically feel his panic. So, he steeled himself and allowed a bit of his guard down, his thoughts trickling across the bond hesitantly.
I'm real. I'm your soulmate.
He couldn't think of anything else to say, really. Beyond the discovery that James was this guy's soulmate, layed the cold, hard truth that they were doomed to never meet. After the stunt he and Darwin pulled, he was never allowed out of the guards' sight. In fact, he had a guard standing outside his bedroom door right then, with the express purpose of ensuring he wouldn't wander the mansion unattended.
It had been that way for three years now, only further smothering him with strict guidelines and grandiose expectations. This was no life to live, and it was certainly no life to drag a soulmate into. Not to mention, his soulmate was a man.
James was no homophobe, but his parents certainly were. If his soulmate was a woman, they at least had a chance at gaining his parents’ blessing. But as it stood, there wasn’t a chance in hell they’d approve.
Honestly, he hadn't allowed himself to imagine spending his future with anyone after Darwin left. He didn't want to be slapped with the cruel reality that he was meant to be married off as a way to unify two royal families.
So, he'd never thought too hard about what gender his hypothetical soulmate might be. He only hoped beyond hope that an unfamiliar voice would never fill his brain, so he wouldn't have to ruin yet another person's life.
The truth was, he still felt immense guilt for the years of smothering Darwin went through because of him. But at least he was making up for that now, and his older brother was free to be happy with his soulmate, somewhere out there.
James couldn't say the same for the man in his head. He knew this man was doomed from the moment fate tied him to James. He was but a mere curse, a dark stain that would mar this man’s life for the worse, not for the better.
Luckily, James had built up the ability to school his emotions, to temper his reactions to better fulfill the role he'd been forced into. He figured that was the only reason the other man wasn't able to hear so much of what he was thinking.
He was now a professional at keeping his guard up, and just because this man was his soulmate, didn't mean he would be allowed to see into James' brain as he wished. He knew the guy wouldn't be too happy about whatever he saw if he did manage to look, anyway. Nobody wants a soulmate that you will never get to meet, that will inevitably be married to someone else.
This guy seemed to be the exact opposite of him, however. His thoughts flowed across their bond like a river, constantly moving, words crashing into the shore of James' brain and making themselves right at home.
I can't believe I have a soulmate! I really thought you didn't exist… I'm so happy right now!
James' heart twisted in immeasurable guilt. He could clearly hear the elation in the other's tone, nearly euphoric in his discovery that he wasn't soulmateless as he once thought.
James wished he could share that happiness. He wished he could indulge in even an ounce of this man's joy at the situation.
My name is Koh. What's yours?
As much as James detested that he had to drag this poor man down with him, he couldn't deny that it was nice to hear words that weren't covered in false niceties, spoken just for the sake of making the speaker look good. Even if the words were only real in his head, they seemed genuine, which was a very rare find in James' household.
I'm James. It's nice to meet you.
The other man laughed then, James was surprised that he could hear that as well. He felt his lips pulling up slightly in the corners despite himself at the cheerful sound.
Why are you being so formal? We're soulmates, after all!!
James didn't really have an answer to that. At least, one that wouldn't expose too much of his upbringing, which was definitely something he shouldn't be blabbering about. Least of all to his soulmate, who would surely only become saddened at the knowledge that James was not just some random guy who could exercise free will whenever he wished.
He didn't have the heart to tell Koh that he shouldn't get his hopes up, that they'd never be meeting in this lifetime. He had a long day, he missed his brother, and he'd only just stopped crying when his soulmate's soft laugh filled his head. He had no energy to break down any false conceptions Koh might have about them living happily ever after.
That was all future James' problem to deal with.
So, instead of responding to Koh's question, he changed the topic.
Tell me about yourself, Koh.
He was surprised when, instead of launching into a ramble about his life, as he'd been expecting, Koh instead thought, You sound so pretty when you say my name.
He let out an audible gasp, blinking rapidly even though the room was already caked in darkness, meaning he couldn't see anything either way. He'd never felt like this before, one simple phrase enough to set his cheeks on fire and send his heart into overdrive, working double time to pump blood towards his face.
Shit, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for you to hear that.
Against all odds, James found himself laughing. And not just a small giggle, no, a full-bodied, joyous laugh that bubbled up from his chest and just wouldn't stop. The redness in his cheeks only increased as he felt himself losing his breath, even becoming a bit light-headed.
He couldn't remember the last time he laughed at all, much less this hard. It had to be before Darwin left, that much was for certain.
Yet here he was, laughing at something that wasn't even that funny. He couldn't even explain it himself really, just as he couldn't explain how his body had somehow relaxed against the mattress sometime during their conversation, or how he was now sporting a genuine smile, a far cry from the faux ones he'd grown used to.
He could hear the pout in Koh's voice when he responded, Hey, don't laugh at me! I'm just too excited, I couldn't control my thoughts!
James shook his head in amusement, shifting to lay on his side and gathering his blanket in his arms.
I apologize, you just sounded funny. Please, do continue.
Koh gave a playful little huff, and James could imagine him crossing his arms over his chest, wherever he happened to be. Was Koh laying down just as he was? Or was he perhaps sitting, or even standing?
He wondered, but he didn't ask. Because the other man was speaking- well, thinking again.
There you go, being all formal again. You can speak casually with me, you know?
James didn't know how to respond to that, because he'd been conditioned to speak this way for the longest time, mostly through Darwin's kind corrections. He wasn't sure if he could just drop the formalities simply because the man told him to.
Luckily Koh continued before he could attempt to muster up a suitable reply. Actually, it's my eighteenth birthday! I was so sure the world was telling me that I was soulmateless, but here you are, just in time! I feel so lucky!
Koh must be really unlucky. His birthday present from the universe was the worst soulmate to ever walk the face of the Earth. He seemed so excited and had no idea that he was cursed beyond belief. But again, he had no energy to shatter Koh's expectations at the moment, so he made a conscious effort to conceal his bitterness and cynicism from his projected thoughts.
Happy Birthday, Koh.
James had no idea how to converse with people, especially not those who were his own age. He could only manage curt, blunt replies and he hoped that was good enough.
You're the best birthday present I could've gotten.
James certainly hadn't been expecting that, and his heart was once again pounding against his chest. He pulled his blanket up, covering his reddened face in embarrassment as if Koh was right there in the room with him.
James had no idea that having a soulmate felt like this, like he was one second away from bursting into flames, he didn't know how Darwin hid it from his parents for so long.
He didn't even know what kind of thoughts he was projecting to Koh, but apparently something had come across, because Koh was chatting in his head again.
Sorry, I didn't mean to make you shy.
James resented that notion, he'd never been shy in his life and he certainly wasn't now! He was any number of things; shocked, overwhelmed, dumbfounded, but certainly not shy, no way. But it was easier to keep listening than to interject, so he kept quiet about it.
You asked about me so, I'm the oldest of four kids- all boys, by the way. Yeah, can you imagine having to take care of three annoying ass boys? Well, that's been my life until now.
Something about the way Koh strung words together was amusing. It felt like he was listening to an audiobook. And it was intriguing, learning that his soulmate's life was so very different from his. He felt glad about that, at least. When Koh realized that this soulmate thing just wasn't going to work out for them, he had plenty of family to fall back on.
He couldn't imagine living in such a lively household. All he knew was large, lonely hallways and a missing older brother.
But the constant trill of Koh's voice was almost… comforting, in a way. It didn't really matter what he was saying, something about how his youngest brother was constantly getting on his nerves, his words soothed James all the same.
It really was nice to have a fresh voice in his head, someone who didn't know him as "Young Master James" or "Prince James." He quite liked having someone speak to him as if he was a normal person, perhaps similar to how a classmate may converse with him. Not that he knew anything about that, being homeschooled and all.
The exhaustion from his day caught up to him, and his countless sleepless nights paired with the pleasant droning on in his head had his eyelids fluttering closed.
He was nodding off before he knew it. He dreamed about a mystery man with a honey-filled voice, sugary sweet inflections and excited tones.
It was the most restful sleep he'd gotten in ages.