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Squinting is all Kagami can do to greet the sunrise that blossoms into a searing blue. Working some feeling back into his numb fingers, he asks, “How’d you get this idea in your head?”
Kuroko adjusts his ear muffs. Attuned to the shorter days and the longer hours that stretch from one to another, he has a simple reason. “I just wanted to. I like it when the light spans freely across the sky.” Like the entire world is before me, he thinks. “There’s a good view at your place but your hair sticks out like crazy in the morning so the light bounces off it and I get distracted.”
“Have you ever seen your bedhead?” Kagami barks over his scarf.
Such is the banter between two students on winter break walking streets that bite at their cheeks. Within minutes, colour fills in, donating life to empty plazas. Soon they won’t be the only ones with their breath in the air and their awakening complexions a mix of rose and fire. Shops prepare reluctantly for the flurry of shoppers to come. The district yawns to life.
They walk from one neighbourhood to the next and back into town. They talk about homework. Occasionally, Kagami rubs his nose in the nape of Kuroko’s neck, and shivers when the back of his hands are brought to his face.
Clouds slip by, paying muted respects to the morning skies. Beneath them on a park bench now sit the early birds. They talk about the merits of heated sidewalks and sliding in socks on heated floors. Kuroko pretends to lose at rock-paper-scissors and gets up to buy some warm drinks. He gives a small wave. “I won’t be long.”
Left to his own devices, Kagami lets out contenting thoughts. “Kuroko and I. Me. And Kuroko.” Cool, he thinks. Tapping out a rhythm with his feet, he continues to indulge himself. “I’m Kagami. This is Kuroko.”
“What’s that?”
Kagami jumps, not even bothering to look where Kuroko has decided to appear out of nowhere. “Damn it, Kuroko.” Did he hear him?
“There was a long line and I didn’t want to keep you waiting.” Kuroko sits back down, his knee touching Kagami’s.
“I- I was just saying stuff to keep myself warm. It’s like singing while waiting for the bus to pass the time.”
“You never have to wait long for the bus.”
“Hypothetically.”
“Waiting, huh…For those that can’t sleep and don’t want tomorrow to come, the sunrise is probably one of the last things they’d want to see.”
Kagami looks up. “They need to know there’s another day after that. And another.”
“But it’s that stretch that’s terrifying.”
“And paralyzing.”
Kuroko nods.
Later on, they find themselves inside a stationary store, browsing the notebook section. They don’t need any; they were just reminded of their own practice book - a record of their training, a summary of statistics, a place for extra notes. Aida thought they lost their individual ones and got them a new one to share. They’ve been trading notes, like eager pen pals, like best friends that have known each other their whole lives. Their messages show a reliable openness between each other, and if there’s any nostalgia to be had, it’s for the small period of shyness at the beginning of their relationship. Flipping sharply through crisp, empty pages, Kagami is unable to dodge a memory from those days.
“What happened here?” Kuroko points to the flakes of pages in the spine.
“Hmmm, I don’t remember.” Every time he leaves behind some encouragement, Kagami covers his face. Then crosses out what he’s written. Erases it. Scribbles over it. There was one time when he wrote all the things he wanted to do with Kuroko - things beyond being number one in Japan - and then ripped them up (and recycled).
“If it’s alright, I’ll imagine what you wrote then.” Kuroko crosses his arms and lies his head down on his desk. He radiates a confidence that even their thoughts move in tandem.
Back outside, snowflakes begin to fall, melting into nothingness.
Brrrr. Kuroko stuffs his hands in his pockets and turns to Kagami. “Are you sure you’re warm enough?” he asks.
Kagami pulls down on his sleeve to show several other layers underneath his puffy jacket. More bundled up than the presents they clumsily wrapped for their friends, he seems about to break out in a sweat at any moment.
“Cute.”
“What?”
“What?” Kuroko echoes.
“No, I missed what you said.”
“I know.”
“Forget it, I can guess.”
Kuroko smiles. “Yeap.”
The Christmas lights are as bright as their laughs. Passing an overdecorated tree in a square, they step aside to let people scuttle by with shopping bags. Hunched over, their faces are bogged down by a wind of chatter. For the few that forgot their gloves, they shove their hands in pockets or curl their fists in the sleeves of their coats. The dry skin in between their fingers and the spirited thoughts that trail them all form part of this cold life, this winter day.
“Did you want to be up and at ‘em so early because something was bothering you and you couldn’t sit still?” Kagami surmises.
“Why do you say that?”
We’ve spent so much time together - of course I can tell. We carve our thoughts into actions and actions into memories, and that’s why I’m informed by more than just my instinct. However, he’s not quite sure how to say all that, so he goes with “Something’s off. Or missing.”
No visible reaction crosses Kuroko’s face, but he feels slight changes in his expression as he takes in everything that Kagami is implying. “Maybe that’s what it is. I bet you don’t worry when things are going well but an absence of tension feels weird.”
“Sounds like you’re creating more stress for yourself.”
“…” Their conversations are never a burden, yet Kuroko finds himself at a loss for words.
“I think the only time I feel distant from you is when you say stuff like this. I feel you’ll melt away.”
A question mark forms on Kuroko’s face and Kagami backtracks.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you seem like a popsicle.”
Kuroko laughs. “I’m trying to follow. So in order not to melt…”
“What was I saying…something like…”
“No rush.” Kuroko, though bemused, understands that patience is key. He wasn’t searching for an answer when he decided to drag Kagami out this morning. He just wanted to see everything with fresh eyes, and Kagami seems to be doing the same thing to him now.
Kagami claps, thoughts now somewhat in order. “If I miss something, point it out to me. If I don’t understand what you’re saying right away, explain it in a bunch of different ways. I don’t want you to talk until you’re blue in the face but unfortunately you’re stuck with a kind of dense guy.” He cups his hands and breathes on them. “What story?”
“Hm?”
“Something I ask myself every day. What’s he going to tell me? What idiotic idea will he come up with next and how are we going to run with it?”
“Oh.” Kuroko’s face lights up in relief.
“Yeah.” Kagami coughs. In the future, he’ll probably reconstruct the cheesy things he’s said today in his head as song lyrics – who’s the one melting now?
Pressing his shoulder against Kagami’s, Kuroko insists to himself that he’s the happier one. “Kagami-kun, the last present on our list - did you get a snow globe?”
“Shoot, I forgot. Ah, we’re going to have to walk all the way back there.”
“Only one of us has to go. The other can start prepping dinner.” He holds out his fist. “Rock-paper-scissors?”
Kagami also holds out his fist, only to bump it against Kuroko’s. Since they’re both wearing mittens, it makes a soundless impact. He then flashes a peace sign and makes a break for it.
“You win,” he yells back, startling a host of people huddled together.
Kuroko stares at him, and then runs to catch up.
What are you doing? Go home before you catch a cold. Yeah, right - like he’s going to say that. Kagami offers his hand. “Let’s go.”
They weave through the crowd. A mushy aura surrounds them, from the frosted tips of their hair to the swift taps of their steps. Rather than drawing curious stares, other young strangers are trying not to smile, casting their glances to the ground. In a world of their own, no matter whose fingers are colder, no matter who’s dressed warmer, Kagami and Kuroko keep moving. In an afternoon that feels like a late evening, snowflakes fade away on touch and are hardly noticed. Though a less powerful weight than their love, it happens to be no less beautiful.